Funniest Quotes OOC or IC from Exalted

Do IC things in other games count?


My wife's Malkavian from our LARP long ago (before Wichita was known in Cam as "The Killing Fields" as anyone entering the city that caused trouble left in a box) used to carry around a bottle of Pepsi, a syringe, and a box full of baby mice.  Anytime someone irritated her, she would inject a baby mouse with a syring of Pepsi, shake it, and throw it at them.  Caused quite a ruckus when she threw one at a Toreador wearing a designer dress.


Then there was the other incident where she was dared to run up to a crinos Garou and pat him on the head, she did it, said "Nice puppy!", and then used Celerity to run her ass off while he was stunned.  She was recognized by the Pack (there was a Vampire/ Garou Pact going on) and got a point of Glory (for having the balls to do it), he got a point of Wisdom (for not knocking her head off, as it was obviously a prank).
 
The Circle just finished a test of battle against a group of Panther-Men to prove themselves to Devastina, a Lunar barbarian leader. Only one of the Circle, Veritas, a Twilight Caste Inquisitor, was left standing at the end. To be fair, they were new players, and they were out against superior numbers, and they were all starting characters. However, there's a better reason for only Veritas left standing, which this quote demonstrates.


Devastina: I figured you'd be the only one left standing.


Veritas: Why? Because I'm the only woman?


Devastina: No, because you're the only one smart enough to wear armor.[/i]
 
If you want to talk LARP Vampire, I was playing a Malkavian and kept dropping word that there was going to be a message from our clan elders.  Over and over for a period of two months I hyped his up, until the day finally arrived.  I pulled out a portable DVD player and popped in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie, passed out turtle masks, and got the other Malks there to pretend that we were the ninja turtles.  It was a blast watching the faces of the other players.
 
Don't try that in Boston. You might get arrested as terrorists.
 
The Circle just finished a test of battle against a group of Panther-Men to prove themselves to Devastina, a Lunar barbarian leader. Only one of the Circle, Veritas, a Twilight Caste Inquisitor, was left standing at the end. To be fair, they were new players, and they were out against superior numbers, and they were all starting characters. However, there's a better reason for only Veritas left standing, which this quote demonstrates.
Devastina: I figured you'd be the only one left standing.


Veritas: Why? Because I'm the only woman?


Devastina: No, because you're the only one smart enough to wear armor.[/i]
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That's an amusing one. though admittedly, many of my characters don't wear armor...there's usually a reason behind it. (a.k.a. disallowed by a MA style) But armor if you can use it...definately a must.
 
Kaiserpingvin said:
EccentricNed said:
Necromancer: *Spends about 5minutes describing his act of summoning a ghost, describing in vivid, gothic detail everything from the dimming of the lights to the swirling of salt as the ritual nears it's close, earning 2 stunt dice.*
ST: Pop! A ghost appears. He says waves and says "Hello. My name is Travis."
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...Possibly one of the funniest things I've seen today. i want that ST, now.
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I was that storyteller, that was a great series of games.


Currently, I'm in a different game playing an Oricalchum Alchemical who knows Solar Hero style. Form weapons are improvised weapons. Like chairs:


Me: Can I get an artifact chair to use as a weapon?


ST(confused): You mean a thousands comfort lounge?


Me: No, like a chair made out of orichalcum specifically designed for combat.


ST: No.


I also have a gem of surface thoughts as a hearthstone and use it at any given oppertunity. Here was my favourite instance. I was one of three players heading into the council chamber of New Khadar to convince Yugash not to side with the deathlords of creation. One of the players, a Zenith, used to serve a deathlord so we don't really trust him.


me: *Whispering to the dawn caste* I can read surface thoughts, give me a nudge and I will do so. Maybe we can get the upper hand...


Dawn: *whispering* Read the Zenith.


me: *reads the zenith and repeats the information to the dawn*


Zenith: *angry* DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN.


me: Do what?


Zenith: Read my mind!


me: *OOC* I read his mind again.


*Zenith double botches defence roll*


ST: He is thinking "I will strengthen my mind and he won't read it again." Roll your temperence to stop yourself from laughing.
 
Sad that I forgot about this one for so long...we had a short lived experiment where people made themselves as exalted characters, waking up in an manse in Creation one day...rather confused. The guy who would up as a Twilight had a few choice comments about his toys (he had both Sorcery and Necromancy), when another person commented about having sorcery. His reply?


"Mine seems to come in two flavors; Original and Extra Creepy." *walk outside and DoOB the landscape* "And that happens to be the shiny stuff."
 
Samiel said:
"I knew what was at stake; I left my panties at home"
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...What is the story behind this one?
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I just asked, because I'd forgotten. The player in question, Beena, was coming to rescue my character from some thugs in an oWoD Vampire game. She was going to act as a distraction while the others extracted me, by dancing on a car across the street.


Beena's got all the classic quotes from my game and others. My game started as a Dynast student game, with none of them exalted but all of them desperate to.


During an argument with Malachai, she called him an idiot and exclaimed "Who'd exalt you, anyway?"
 
The party, consisting of a Dawn Cowboy, a Zenith Warrior-Monk and an Eclipse Beni-Jesserit (Funny in itself) were on one end of a plain on a western Island, facing off an enemy army with their own. The enemy had a bigger army, and were far better trained and equipped.


The battle begun, and through an array of effects (such as the dawn ability, some war charms and normal morale rolls after being hit), fully half of the enemy army fled before their lines even met ours. Our Dawn then rode out and single-handedly destroyed an enemy warstrider in a single shot from his guns.


Malachi turned to the ST, and asked in all honesty: "How's the enemy general reacting?"


A very bitter Charlie Haughey (The ST) turns his full sarcasm and spite to Malachi and says: "He's fucking delighted! He's dancing!" and then gets up and does a jig.
 
A very bitter Charlie Haughey (The ST) turns his full sarcasm and spite to Malachi and says: "He's fucking delighted! He's dancing!" and then gets up and does a jig.
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Hey. I actually just laughed out loud at that.


I love it. That's fantastic. Rob is my new Hero.
 
Ive got so many stories that should go in here, i should write a book as im like the token idiot in our groups.


But anyhow one that really comes to mind is an when we were playing werewolf the apocalypses. Anyhow we were all knew werewolves and we just found out that all our parents had been murdered in brutal ways by enemy's of the werewolf nation.


Anyhow i turn to the gm during his deep description and say " Can i have a rage?" (this is kinda like gaining a willpower but when your angry or hurt)


The table erupted into laughter kinda wrecking the poignant moment.


As you can tell the gm wasn't to happy and to make a long story short, my character fell out of a char later on and suffered 66 levels of bashing damage, coincidence, i think not.
 
"You know what I said about your chest being flat?  I didn't really mean it."


(I have a penchant for playing female characters.  I'm not entirely sure why...)  My character in the last Exalted campaign was a Twilight relic hunter and sorceress named Risa Mirabel.  She wasn't a combat oriented character personality-wise and despite having three dots in Dex and MA, my luck with dice kept her from being any good in combat anyway.  She was convinced that she was the only sane person in the party.  Well, Cliff, our Zenith, was sane too.


We had picked up a Dawn archer who had apparently just Exalted or was having other life issues.  She couldn't give a name so Risa nicknamed her Aurora.  Well, Aurora didn't quite like Risa's attitude and insulted Risa, saying she had a flat chest.  Risa paid her no mind.


Later on, with a bunch of Realm extras bearing down on us when were in the middle of a ruined town, Risa told everyone to get behind her.  And when everyone actually did so, Death of Obsidian Butterflies rendered the extras either dead or running.  At this point, Aurora had second thoughts of getting on Risa's bad side and made the above comment.
 
My night talking to a twilight dabbling in necromancy:


Me:"A necromancer? Huh...there's this place in Nexus I could take you to for something a little warmer..." (said with a wink and in a provacative voice)


Her:"NecroMANCER, not phile! I use the energies of the underworld to my advantage"


Me: "Well, I can see why you like it...after all, dead girls never say no.."


Her:"THAT'S NOT WHAT IT MEANS!"


Me:"I bet you love it when rigor mortis sets in, eh?"


At this point she began trying to strangle my character
 
I actually laughed out loud with that one.  Thanks for sharing! :D
 
Me: I try to throw him in the oil.


ST: You take 10B soakable only by Stamina.


Me: I don't try to throw him in the oil.


ST: Too late.


While I was out the night caste took my armour, making me promise to make his familiar into a cyborg in exchange for giving it back. Later on in the same session another character threatened to cut the rope I was hanging onto in exchange for getting him a robogecko.


Another moment from the same game:


Me: Knowing that the others won't help, my character will fall to his knees and pray to the nearby spirits by singing the famous Autocthonian hymn: "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" by Daft Punk.
 
Not really comedy...


I’m reminded of some fabulous dialogue between The Mask of Winters and a young Solar.  I the particular scene in order to establish him as a bad ass (and main antagonist) he personally attended a rather large attack on a city that happened to be the home of the Solar and his circle.


They were very young so they had no means of defeating an opponent with even a fraction of power like what a Deathlord possesses.  The Dawn Caste charged forward, despite his circle mates telling him that there were people who needed to be saved before they ran off to attack an invulnerable opponent.  The needs of the many come before that of the few, as the Zenith liked to say.  The Dawn Caste began with “You are an affront to all life and that which is Holy, stand and face me and know that you shall be judged with the mercy of the Unconquered Sun.â€
 
Mortal noble woman to a Lunar Full Moon:  "Your sword seems like it would get in the way.  How does one fight with such a massive weapon?"


Full Moon: "Fight?  Sugar Tits, I use this to butter my fuckin' pancakes."
 
A couple of the PCs had worked together to shoot another in the head with a bashing arrow while he slept, and the character woke up. One fled and the other was questioned under the auspices of Terrifying Apparition of Glory, making his dodge MDV inapplicable.


Question: Do you know whose arrow this is?


Answer: Yes.


Question: Whose arrow was it?


Attempted Parry: Are we still talking about the same arrow?


The two got bonus XP for their excellent impromptu Abbot and Costello routine. :)
 
(Having seen yet ANOTHER wave of ash spirits issue from the whilring vortex of ash and soot.)


Twilight: "We gotta fuck up that cloud!"


Night: "How the hell do you fuck up a CLOUD?"


Twilight: "I think we should check out whatever those Lift Tube things are."


Dawn: "Why would anyone want to lift tubes?"
 
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