Funniest Quotes OOC or IC from Exalted

But he's now departed? As in dead?


Did he try to repeat this feat with less success?


-S
 
yeah, he's actually dead. nothing as comedic as getting himself impaled.  he drowned in the chicago river.  we're not quite sure how he got there.  cops ruled it as an accidental death.  year and a half ago now.  some suspect foul play, some think suicide.  i think it doens't matter. nothings bringing him back. ya know?


eh, kinda bleak for a comedy thread.  sorry bout that.
 
Sorta old but here is a Game:


Josh (ST): Alright you are all doing a competitive hunt for a deer, yada yada. Catch it and you win Face infront of these Lunars. You have to kill the Stag with your bare hands. You are in a small forest clearing in the middle of Tall trees that make up the great forest of the east...


ME: *Azura runs some distance, he moves his head to the ground to listen for any sounds of walking*


Michael: He moves southwind and raise his nose  into it. He Tries to pick up the slightest scent in the air.


Danny: "I follow Azura and i can begin hearing the scared deers pants".


Josh: Good good, you guys are really getting into this, seriously show me your expressions... yea thats right hahaa. Wait...Randell, why arent you participating.


Randell: My Character is a Vegan, and a loner, he doesnt trust anyone but himself and doesnt like to talk. He is mentally unstable.


Josh: That wasnt the case when you first wrote him up.


Randell: Well thats who he is, he doesnt want to be part of this hunt


Me: "Come on Randell we have to look good infront of these guys, if we show them we are good warriors they will help us out. They dont want to join a buncha pansies."


Randell: Fine. My Character looks around for a deer/


Josh: Be more descriptive or your gonna get your ass kicked.


Randell: Alright i walk around trying to spot a deer.


Josh: Seriously, are you trying to be an ass? Obviously you cant see the deer, if you could just find it by looking at it, why would everyone even be trying to use other skills?


Randell: My guy has real good perception his eyes are better then hawks... cus he is one.


All of us"...


Randell: Ok my guy runs up a tree in his Beastman form (Hawk /Human) and climbs to the canopy... He looks around. *Rolls* Do i spot him?


Josh: No


Randell: What i got 7 success! I have to see something!


Josh: No shit sherlock you see a buncha trees.


Randell: What?


Josh: Your on top of a tree surrounded by a sea if trees the only things you are gonna see are trees dumbass. * punches randell* "Let that motivate the rest of ya! Play right or dont play at all, and if you got problems i will kick your asses!


ALl of us: *LAugh*


Danny: dude i cant play, lets just throw rocks at Randell for being an idiot and killing our flow.


All of us: OK


( not that funny now that i see it typed, but man it was funny when it was happening. I think its just how Randells characters are always anti-social, with like maxed out combat charms and nothing else. It had gotten to Josh and he just freaks out and starts throwin shit and making fun of randell cus i mean was he expecting to see a flying deer or some shit?
 
So this guy is playing a vegan Lunar? With a predator as a totem no less?


Punch him for me next time you see him. Please.


-S
 
"Gods, that hurt...wait, where's my wound? Someone stole my wound! Stop, thief, come back with my wound!"


--A Siddie stunting while using Shield of Mars
 
A ver humorous quote has come back to me. Both I and my cohort were playing martial artists. He was an Eclipse who knew the Mantis style, and I, a Gold Faction Siderial of Endings, with Violet Bureau style. Well we had been trouncing along in the Hundred Kingdoms, both of us at about 50 XP with multiple charms in our trees. I was the more effcient in combat, so I did most of the heavy work ironically.


My smooth talking friend brought us to a tavern one night where we ran into a group of mercenaries, a small squad from a group that had been causing a lot of trouble in the Hundred kingdoms for some time and that we had been fighting. Basically I was disguised as a Fae touched, with Darth Maul coloring somewhat. The leader of this small band challenged Loyal Road (the Eclipse).


Well...Road isn't the bravest soul on earth, so he jockeyed me into his proxy to fight for him. He called me the Eunuch (Gods know why >.>) and presented me, so they presented their best fighter as well. Unarmed and fair fight, in the bar, tables cleared for a circle.


It went well, parried every stroke, then he got pissed and drew a knife, knicking my cheek. Well...suffice it to say, I grabbed my staff from the table, also which happened to be my artifact, and took a stance. And then the quote happened...I was about to swing and all the men were grinning, a brawl was about to ensue. The voice of Road appeared behind me,


"I'll have you know...the Eunuch is the most dangerous man in this town..." The Red Guard laughed, and I proceeded to splatter their buddy's brains on the wall, I shit you not. One swing with an iron head staff.


Silence. Then they drew swords, and I fell upon them and killed three others within a round, Road killed the leader and I mopped up. Truly epic.


Was this long winded? Yes, but my God, that quote was probably the funniest thing at that moment. We all died laughing.
 
Yeah... it seems... erm... so... funny quotes anyone?


Something I came up with recently was for a rather abstract film-noir themed session with a number of different character types in it.


*Exalt standing smoking a cigar.  A man creeps up behind him with weapon*


Creeping Man - Hey, don'tchu know that's bad for your health?!


*Exalt, without even turning around, swings his fist backwards, striking the man and flinging him into the wall behind*


Exalt - So's that...
 
ST: "Wait! I'll let you keep the botch if you do that!!"


(After Player A rerolled a Dexterity + Craft: Courtesan roll.)


...it was hilarious at the moment.
 
"Who'd exalt you?" - Patrician kid PC to Dynast Kid PC.


"So, do you have any artifacts?" - Another player: to everyone. Including a stranger Abyssal. First thing he said.
 
I can't think of a funniest quote, but my favouroite overall exalted moment had to be this:


Before my charatcers were exalted, and just heroic humans, they were attacked by a group of wyld barbarians led by a fey general. They were 4 players and a low ranking NPC fertility godess stationed behind a large defensive trench.


Our token sword princess, jumped the trench, using the goddess for a boost. Yes, he jumped upon an unsuspecting goddess and used her to launch himself over the barrier so he could single handedly take out the general, while the archer took out his troops...


Afterwards, another character who wanted to bed the goddess, challenged the sword princess to a duel for her honor. The sword princess agreed, and chose a sharpend spoon as his weapon, while the other PC had a slashing sword.


The sword princess won in the end, I think.

As an ST, when a player hands you a character with a Compassion of 1, you need to ask yourself, "Do I want to have a total bastard in this game?"
Click to expand...
Oh my, I think all my players have compassion 1...
 
EccentricNed said:
Afterwards, another character who wanted to bed the goddess, challenged the sword princess to a duel for her honor. The sword princess agreed, and chose a sharpend spoon as his weapon, while the other PC had a slashing sword.
The sword princess won in the end, I think.

As an ST, when a player hands you a character with a Compassion of 1, you need to ask yourself, "Do I want to have a total bastard in this game?"
Click to expand...
Oh my, I think all my players have compassion 1...
Click to expand...
Actually, it was a pre-arranged draw, and I used my performance to make it seem as if he only lasted that long because I was messing with him (the other guy being the sword princess).


And I have compassion 3, I'll have you know. First Birch and Seeking Blossom: Diplomat, Duellist, Necromancer...Lover


Birch FTW!
 
Necromancer: *Spends about 5minutes describing his act of summoning a ghost, describing in vivid, gothic detail everything from the dimming of the lights to the swirling of salt as the ritual nears it's close, earning 2 stunt dice.*


ST: Pop! A ghost appears. He says waves and says "Hello. My name is Travis."
 
Winter : (changing moon fruit-bat lunar) "Sir, he's presenting a target. May I shoot him?"


Winter, manning a large spear launching gun, says to her mentor as the Eclipse caste solar shows his caste mark to the angry lunars on the wall just outside his town.
 
"I want to roll Str + Sail"


"What would that accomplish?"


"To beat the ship into submisson."


Says the lunar Krag Ten Stipes to the ST. Other "creative" dice rolls from Krag include


Sta + Socialize: stay awake though boring negotiations.


Str + Linguistics: Communication through mutilation.
 
most recent ones for me~~~


As a massive force of realm troops desced on 2 lone solars


Dawn- 10,000 warriors and 500 dragon blooded all here to kill us..... seems like a fair fight


Twlight- did you just learn scarasm?


Dawn (while readying his grand darklaive)- whats scarasm?


later on after the Twlight escaped and met up with the rest of the circle


Eclipse- its good to see you still alive we heard about the assult foce, wait...were's Devon?


Twlight- i tried to save him but he pushed me off the hill we were on to save me..... ~false tears~


Dawn (walking up to the group unharmed)- there you are you little pansy, why the hell did you trip me and run away, im gonna cream your ass


Twlight- what!?!? how are you still alive?


Dawn- oh, they were just wanting directions to Lookshy


this was a very disfunchial group (mostly the coward/ self serving twlight) finally ended after the dawn cast used the twlight for a Thrown weapon on a Behemoth... with a combo included
 
This isn't actually an exalted story but it's worth a mention:


L5R, first game I ever ran.


The player characters were temporarily residing in Kyuden Doji, the most opulently rich palace of the most opulently rich Clan in the empire. The Doji are famous for a few things: Wealth, Political Clout, High Quality Magistrates, Gardens and Incest.


This story is about gardens, magistrates, shame and inept gming.


One of the players, a priest, was meditating in the famous Kyuden Doji gardens after a long journey. Another character, Moto Sheng, a rough-tuff mongol type, who the priest had made somewhat of a fool of earlier in the session stumbled upon the priest accidentaly at this time and decided it would be a good time for a bit of revenge.


Sheng, never a man for complicated plots and subtle schemes snuck up behind the meditating priest and kicked him as hard as he could in the back of the head. The dice came up in Sheng's favour, and the priest was soon lying unconscious in a pool of this own blood. Sheng suddenly took fright, remembered where he was, realised what he had just done, and scarpered.


Soon enough, help accidentally found our unfortunate priest, and a doctor and a magistrate were duly called for.


Enter Doji Yoshinaka, magistrate and NPC boy-toy for another of the PCs.


Yoshinaka proceeds to Horatio things up. He looks over the priests brusied and bleeding form, looks and disruptions in the gravel, sniffs the air and does a dramatic pose. His investigation roll came up very very high, and after about 15 minutes hard investigating Yoshinaka proudly proclaims to the whole party:


"This man...Has been beaten."


...and there was much rejoicing. The players in that game have never quite let me live that one down. "This man has been beaten" is now synonomous in our group with a statement of the obvious. Without fail, someone always brings it up.


Another story from L5R, much better than this one, is the life and times of Moshi Mushai, the Osano-Wo shugenja. Someone ask Samiel about that one. He tells the story better.
 
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