Funniest Quotes OOC or IC from Exalted

In a old D&D game, the party was trying to free a city state from the grip of an Evil Overlord by slowly gaining power and support to oust him.  I was playing a thief, and was getting bored (dangerous thing to happen).  I slipped a note to the DM asking how much gold would I get if I betrayed the party to the bad guy.  He wrote back some disgustingly large sum of cash, and I replied with one word:  DONE!


The group gets ambushed at the tavern they were using as a HQ by the army of the Evil Overlord.  After a titanic fight, they lose and are hauled off in chains to the dungeon for a very public execution.  Since I tipped off the raid to begin with, I had a chance to 'escape' before the shit hit the fan.  I then broke into the dungeon and rescued the others before they could be tortured and killed.


By this time, most of the other players had guessed that I had something to do with the mess they were in, so it made everything that much better when my character stood in front of the battered and bleeding team members and said, "Its a good thing you guys have me around, huh?"


They nearly beat the crap out of me.  Not my character; me.  I was laughing so hard I couldn't have stopped them even if I tried.
 
"You... up in the sails???"


An eclipse merchant from chiroscuro in Nexus to a Lunar full moon on the PC's ship


"UGHGHGHHHHHHHH!!!"


The Lunars reply


"This problem with these solars is off the hizzle for shizzle my dearest abyssals"


The Mask of Winters upon discovering the PC's had mobilized Lookshy against him
 
The second anyone in an Exalted game, especially an ancient Solar ghost, says, "for shizzle", is the second I walk out.
 
My Zenith describing use of his anima power


"As the light of the sun washes radiently over my face, and the feeling of his warmth and love invigorate me, I gaze at the thing that should not be coming toward me. The smoke parts as my anima once more takes on the form of the Golden lion. The roar can be heard up to a mile away, my voice overlaid with the Lion's. My arm is raised, the Symbol of Sol Invictus from the desk, still slutched in my fist. I feel the power surge through me as i prepare to vanquish the Cthonian entity that has corrupted this Illuminated child of the greatest of gods. Burning the mist away in a swirling plume of steam I begin my attack.


The Lion of my Anima flares up and reaches out past my hand, batting the monstrosity on the head with his paw."
 
I'm currently a player in a DB chronicle... all characters are members of House Tepet after it has been "partially" anihilated by the Bull of the North...


Tapette is a french word for I'm unculturedget... Needless to say it was an endless source of dumb jokes... Such as:


Let me "introduce" myself: Anus Rectomus of the noble house of Tapette


-One of the players


We just had to change the name Tepet for something that didn't sound like anything we knew.


Is there anyone else who had to deal with that kind of stuff?
 
I've had a bisexual nymphomaniac Ilselsi raised as a Cynis that Exalted as a Maiden of Serenity.  Very interesting character.


But, no, nothing as odd as that.  Even with EM's migrane inducing characters.
 
It's not mine, but it cracked me up.


Sort of reminds me of Penny Arcade.


It's off of one of the RPG.net threads.

BuzzW said:
A game set in the true Wyld:
ST: You are running through duck smoke. You smell fresh crystals in your toes. Underhead, angry chairs rupture your strangest desires. What do you do?


Player: What?


ST: Roll Charisma plus Throwing.


Player: Uh, three successes.


ST: The milk dragon entwines your hopes in a ocean of screaming snails. Your psyche has separated from your consciousness and run off with your foot.


Player: What?


ST: (throws book at player)


Player: Ow! What the hell is wrong with you?!


ST: I'm just trying to be totally random. Keep you on your toes, you know? Capture the feel of the Wyld.


Player: Let's just go back to playing Solars.
Click to expand...
 
Been a while since I last got to run this game, but:


Glass (Night Caste PC): We're out here, in the middle of the Ten Tribes, in an ancient tree manse, surrounded by angry fae, CAUSE YOU BOUGHT A MAP OFF A FELLOW CLIENT IN A BROTHEL!?


Odinal (God Blooded NPC): Well, yes. It looked like a good map! *ducks a fae arrow*


Glass: Never buy a map from people in a brothel. They're shifty. I know, I'm often one of them.


Xen'ta (Air Aspected NPC): Yes, cause this was a much better idea than me just managing my library and rentals back in Great Forks.


(All the PCs): SHUT UP YOU! GET BACK TO THROWING KNIVES!
 
Too bad we can't add the funny off color quotes.


There was a really good one today, though Jakk and Jukashi might be the only ones on the board that wouldn't scream and run at the thought of it's implications.


And I think this thread deserves a "sticky".
 
Two City Gangrel conversing:


Viktor (basically Indiana Jones as a club owner, but undercover as a "G"): "Whassup up my homie?" as he gets into the car.


Alex (Giovanni style (Millner) techno-junkie/ punk rocker): "Um, what does that mean?"


Viktor: "I don't know."
 
Convulsive coughing and choking followed by a scream of "YOU BASTARD!"


(EM's response to us sitting around coming up with new torture methods to be used in my post-modern GURPS game


when one I brought up was a syphilis-brush connected to a power drill.)


Yes, we do this stuff when we get bored.


See who can shock EM the most.
 
This quote happened yesterday. Perhaps not the funniest of all time, but amusing.


- After my players promptly and neatly wrapped up my chapter's big boss monster in under 8 ticks -


Me: That artifact (firepearl shot from plasma tongue repeaters) is a little overpowered.


Player: That's why I have two of them.
 
In the story, my less than stellar intelligence Dawn class barbarian had just asked our Eclipse class diplomat to help him get a discount on some item in a store. I was just kind of wandering around the store.


~~~~


Him: I'd like to purchase (some sort of weapon) please.


Storyteller as store owner: Alright, the cost will be (some amount).


Him: Oh, perhaps you could give me a bit of a discount?


Storyteller as store owner: *entering social combat* No, see, this item is made of exquisite material, and is worth every silver piece, I assure you.


Him: *rolls, resists*


Me: *rolls*


Him: *OOC* What are you doing?


Me: *OOC* What, I'm in the room too. *IC* You know, he's right.


Storyteller: ...store owner gets bonus dice on his successes from his support.


Him: *OOC* you moron....
 
Ok this is from a different game but its a good quote all the same.


One of the characters a not so smart shinjo (Family Name) trader had just committed a crime and one of the party members was a magistrate so the magistrate approaches him and theyre sitting down and start to talk.


Now just to set a little background the shinjo is missing two fingers from his left hand.


the magistrate is sitting opposite him with sword in hand


Magistrate: Tanaka put your hand on the table.


Shinjo:*Places left hand on table (No questions asked)


Magistrate:No, Your other hand


Shinjo:*Places right hand on table (No questions asked)


The shinjo attempts to withdraw the hand once the magistrate moves his sword but is too slow.


the magistrate cuts off his right hand.
 
Workingboy said:
This quote happened yesterday. Perhaps not the funniest of all time, but amusing.
- After my players promptly and neatly wrapped up my chapter's big boss monster in under 8 ticks -


Me: That artifact (firepearl shot from plasma tongue repeaters) is a little overpowered.


Player: That's why I have two of them.
Click to expand...
minor FYI fire pearls are shot from fuel bolt launchers, not plasma tongue repeaters
 
Workingboy said:
This quote happened yesterday. Perhaps not the funniest of all time, but amusing.
- After my players promptly and neatly wrapped up my chapter's big boss monster in under 8 ticks -


Me: That artifact (firepearl shot from plasma tongue repeaters) is a little overpowered.


Player: That's why I have two of them.
Click to expand...
minor FYI fire pearls are shot from fuel bolt launchers, not plasma tongue repeaters
Click to expand...
Yup, Workingboy made a clerical error.


Bad ST.


No e-cookies for you.


Though I want one of those repeaters.


Repeating bazooka!!!


teargaslaunchera.jpg
 
Ghislain, a Twilight Caste courtesan (me incidentally), is stuck making a medallion in the shape of the twilight caste mark in the hopes of using it as a key in a tower we'd discovered. Took a bloody long time, and my little impatient Ghislain was quite frustrated by the end of it. She hands the medallion to the Eclipse Yuji (a pain in the arse, and 13 at that {the character, not the gamer ^^})


Ghislain: I swear, you better not want me to make anything else after this, that just took me a good five hours to make!


Yuji: (After exploring a little more, and find a locked door missing three cogs) ...How are you with cogs?


:lol:


For the record, Yuji is a right pain in that everything she wants to do somehow ends up happening, even if it's a really terrible idea. Makes for some good laughs ^^
 
My character  is a Small god, and anywho he is in nexus trying to enjoy himself at a local Salon with his compatriots a troupe of solars this is how it goes down:


Whore#1: is it in yet?


Plumes of Empires:  :oops:  ( thinks: man next time i shape my body i am gonna not forget the penis)
 
jeesus Lotus, get your head out of the toilet for *one* minute!


(get it, huh? get it? "toilet" cause of the "Latrine"-thing)


(... oh, forget it...)
 
Had two Solar PCs have a kid


Since their animas were a lion and the other was a goldfish


Poor thing got name-called "Catfish"


Had a group of Solars pincer attack a POS DB,


The Twilight releases ObsButterflies and totally mows down the DB, trees, field, and the other PC.


The Night's player points to her mexican take out on the table and says


"Dammit, Now this is my character"


Zenith player coming back from bathroom:


"You're playing a bowl of chunky salsa?


Our group still calls ObsButterflies "The Chunky Salsa spell"


Dawn Caste in a play he got dragged into.


The play was an adaptation of Carrie, but the Dawn botched his Dex+Performance roll. The Eclipse plays off the accident to great applause.


for the next 3 games, the Dawn kept complaining


"I got hit in the head by a bucket fer nuthin"


After 3 years of no sexual activity by our hedonist Eclipse PC, she gets a chance for booty off-screen. The Night caste keeps scaring the guys off. When the Elipse player finds out about the Night caste's back-dealing with the ST, she grabbed his shirt and looked him right in the eye (she is short, and he is not!)


"Mama. Wants. Some. Candy. Now!"


Everytime the Dawn Caste would start a fight in the middle of meeting a spirit entourage, the Eclipse began starting every conversation with the words,


"I'm not with them."


In our game, we have the Infallible Messenger spell personalized by having the head of the baby be the head of the sorceror.


One of the Messengers was cast by a very militant player wearing his beret. He had tried to get the other PCs together from their splitting up earlier. the soldier/sorceror botched the roll, sort-of.


GM, a really ugly guy, borrows the beret and proceeds to flap his arms like a chicken while yelling to the two players not paying attention to the scene.


"Why aren't you here to wipe the general's butt!"


While in a sidequest in Whitewall, we picked up a new PC from one of our players who had to make a new character, since the last one was a bowl of salsa. She has printed up her picture of her character...wearing a bikini...and barefoot...from Whitewall...with no Resistance Charms.


When asked if she is at least wearing long johns as a joke by the ST, she proclaims


"I'm not wearing any underwear so I don't suffer any movement penalties."


We don't run movement penalties that viciously, so where she got that is anyone's guess. In any case, We left the statue of ice to go to the next town.
 
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