The word 'queue' is ironic. It is basically a Q with a bunch of silent letters waiting in line.
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If you don't drink, how will your friends know that you love them at 2 am?
Not to brag or make anyone jealous, but I can still fit into the scarf I wore in high school.
Did you know that tall people sleep longer in bed?
I was riding a donkey at the Grand Canyon when someone threw a rock at me and I fell. I guess I was stoned off my ass.
If your dentist filled your cavities with different colors, would you be ok with it? Or would you have mixed fillings?
A janitor just asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with him. I politely declined, because I cannot deal with high maintenance people.
Did you hear about the giant that got sick and threw up?
Its all over town.
I just invented an anti-gloating cream.
I just don't want to rub it in.
This time every year, my parents buy me a sheep.
New year, new ewe.
A local specialty diner was offering a new item: the Pelican Burger. It wasn't bad, but the bill was enormous.
Rock collecting isn't hard. You just pick it up as you go along.
I wanted to watch the world origami championship on tv, but it was only on paper view.
I just sold my homing pigeon on Ebay for the 22nd time.
Last night, I went to a comedy and philosophy convention.
I laughed more than I thought.
To all my friends: Shine on you perverted weirdos. Y'all are my kind of people!
I need an extra day after Sunday called "I'mnotreadyforMonday-day"
I prefer to call it a 'Ta-Da' list, because I'd be amazed if I actually accomplished anything on it.
I had a Wookie steak last night.
It was a little chewy.
Be courteous to criminals. Let them finish their sentences.
There is no snooze button on a cat that wants breakfast.
I wanted to become a monk, but I never got the chants.
A girl came up to me and said she recognized me from the vegetarian restaurant.
I was confused, since I had never seen herbivore.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener. -
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