AtlannianSpy
Alarmed and Strangerous
@AtlannianSpy Congrats! Your piece was really well written!
thanks I like yours too, really vivid especially those first couple of lines.
-
When posting, please be aware that artistic nudity is still nudity and not allowed under RpNation rules. Please edit your pictures accordingly!
Remember to credit artists when using work not your own.
Other Writing Games! Join Anytime!
- Thread starter Flip
- Start date
thanks I like yours too, really vivid especially those first couple of lines.
Flip
Frightfully funny, frightfully friendly
The story of Nick and Alex:
Waves, erratic and frothy. Giddy. The thrill of leaping into ice-cold water, terrified, laughing.
Alex, erratic and with the frothy beginnings of a beard in the morning. The thrill of leaping knowingly into something terrifying, that ice-cold intimacy, but laughing when they came up for air, covered in goosebumps.
The tide pulled in, and there were only waves for miles around. Only Alex, for miles. A tumultuous tide - tumultuous Alex, immersing Nick in his arms.
Waves crawled higher every passing moment, fervent, inescapable. Terrifying. Cold, paralyzing water – swallowing him, violent, choking, throwing him into the salty floor. Alex – swallowing Nick, angry, choking him.
The storm would pass, it always did, and Nick would float on weary waves, for a while, coughing water out of his lungs.
Alex was like jumping into ice-cold water, and Nick never did get used to it the way one does after swimming for a while. But Nick loved the cold now.
He loved the waves, the caress of a morning tide, Alex's arms, pulling him into fathomless affection.
He loved the waves as they rose above him, Alex as he raised a fist, submerging him in ice-cold water.
It was so cold, it was impossible to come up for air. So cold, it strangled.
Nick loved Alex. He would drown for Alex.
But the waves opened, recoiled, pulled back. Nick had not seen dry land in so long, had no desire to. He wanted to drown.
But Alex was recoiling, the waves with him, leaving Nick stranded and alone. Alex was terrified of the cold, terrified of how cold he had become. He had to leave before it was too late.
If not for Alex, Nick would have drowned.
---
Word count: 293
Waves, erratic and frothy. Giddy. The thrill of leaping into ice-cold water, terrified, laughing.
Alex, erratic and with the frothy beginnings of a beard in the morning. The thrill of leaping knowingly into something terrifying, that ice-cold intimacy, but laughing when they came up for air, covered in goosebumps.
The tide pulled in, and there were only waves for miles around. Only Alex, for miles. A tumultuous tide - tumultuous Alex, immersing Nick in his arms.
Waves crawled higher every passing moment, fervent, inescapable. Terrifying. Cold, paralyzing water – swallowing him, violent, choking, throwing him into the salty floor. Alex – swallowing Nick, angry, choking him.
The storm would pass, it always did, and Nick would float on weary waves, for a while, coughing water out of his lungs.
Alex was like jumping into ice-cold water, and Nick never did get used to it the way one does after swimming for a while. But Nick loved the cold now.
He loved the waves, the caress of a morning tide, Alex's arms, pulling him into fathomless affection.
He loved the waves as they rose above him, Alex as he raised a fist, submerging him in ice-cold water.
It was so cold, it was impossible to come up for air. So cold, it strangled.
Nick loved Alex. He would drown for Alex.
But the waves opened, recoiled, pulled back. Nick had not seen dry land in so long, had no desire to. He wanted to drown.
But Alex was recoiling, the waves with him, leaving Nick stranded and alone. Alex was terrified of the cold, terrified of how cold he had become. He had to leave before it was too late.
If not for Alex, Nick would have drowned.
---
Word count: 293
Physiicz
Sad Boy Status
(That moment when you forget about this)
Family Outing
Adam stared out of the window, watching the rain lash against the car ruthlessly.
“This was a complete waste of time,” a female voice sounded. His sister, Nancy, was always complaining but this was a waste of time Adam thought to himself.
“Look we’ll drive around a little bit more and if it is still raining we’ll go home,” Adam’s dad reasoned with them. They had been driving around for almost an hour up on top of the cold mountains. Adam, Nancy, Mom, Dad and baby Holly all sat in the car all wearing summer clothes.
Adam turned to his right and looked past Nancy and Holly to see the Ocean. The foamy white waves wrestled each other. Adam admired the sea but was also scared of it. He looked to Holly and smiled at his little sister and gave her a smile. Holly was barely three.
As they drove down a steep hill a wave from the chilly sea beside them splashed onto the car obstructing Dad’s view.
Adam was bored until the moment the car plunged into the ice cold sea below. The water seeped into the car giving Adam a shock. His mother screamed making his blood curdle. Dad tried to open the door but the force of the sea kept it closed.
Adam eyes widened as he realised they were trapped. Holly started crying as water pooled around her.
The car was now fully submerged and he looked around and watched his sister’s life ebb away bit by bit as she tried to breathe.
Adam desperately tried to open the door. Oh god please, please don’t let us die that was last thing that went through Adams mind as water filled his lungs.
Word count: 289
Family Outing
Adam stared out of the window, watching the rain lash against the car ruthlessly.
“This was a complete waste of time,” a female voice sounded. His sister, Nancy, was always complaining but this was a waste of time Adam thought to himself.
“Look we’ll drive around a little bit more and if it is still raining we’ll go home,” Adam’s dad reasoned with them. They had been driving around for almost an hour up on top of the cold mountains. Adam, Nancy, Mom, Dad and baby Holly all sat in the car all wearing summer clothes.
Adam turned to his right and looked past Nancy and Holly to see the Ocean. The foamy white waves wrestled each other. Adam admired the sea but was also scared of it. He looked to Holly and smiled at his little sister and gave her a smile. Holly was barely three.
As they drove down a steep hill a wave from the chilly sea beside them splashed onto the car obstructing Dad’s view.
Adam was bored until the moment the car plunged into the ice cold sea below. The water seeped into the car giving Adam a shock. His mother screamed making his blood curdle. Dad tried to open the door but the force of the sea kept it closed.
Adam eyes widened as he realised they were trapped. Holly started crying as water pooled around her.
The car was now fully submerged and he looked around and watched his sister’s life ebb away bit by bit as she tried to breathe.
Adam desperately tried to open the door. Oh god please, please don’t let us die that was last thing that went through Adams mind as water filled his lungs.
Word count: 289
Little
lil trash-heaping goblin
Not sure if this is within the 48 hour limit, but... first entry, woo! It kinda sucks since this was last minute, but hey. Something's better than nothing, right?
He fell to his knees with a loud sob, his face covered in his hands and his fingers gripping his wet hair. The rain pelted against him, mixing with the saltiness of his tears that ran freely down his cheeks. He was alone, nothing short of his sobs and the crackling thunder to fill the silence that was loneliness. Just hours ago, he’d held her in his arms. Hours ago, he had someone. And now, now he had nothing. No one. He tried to go through the wreckage to salvage what he could, knowing night was coming. He tried dragging her body from underneath the dismantled ship, but it wouldn’t budge. Her foot was caught in something he couldn’t see. In the end, he let her float along with the waves. He tore some cloth from his shirt’s corner to cover her dead eyes. He couldn’t sleep even then. He could still hear the wave coming, the one that had─
“Papa! Papa! Come here!”
“What is it, my boy?” the father hollered from the boat.
“Look!” The boy pointed, standing against the clear blue sky. There were two bodies floating in the water. One a woman, another a man. “Why is the man’s shirt torn at the corner, papa?”
“Come back to the boat. There’s nothing more we can do for them, son. Not even for the man with a torn shirt.”
He fell to his knees with a loud sob, his face covered in his hands and his fingers gripping his wet hair. The rain pelted against him, mixing with the saltiness of his tears that ran freely down his cheeks. He was alone, nothing short of his sobs and the crackling thunder to fill the silence that was loneliness. Just hours ago, he’d held her in his arms. Hours ago, he had someone. And now, now he had nothing. No one. He tried to go through the wreckage to salvage what he could, knowing night was coming. He tried dragging her body from underneath the dismantled ship, but it wouldn’t budge. Her foot was caught in something he couldn’t see. In the end, he let her float along with the waves. He tore some cloth from his shirt’s corner to cover her dead eyes. He couldn’t sleep even then. He could still hear the wave coming, the one that had─
“Papa! Papa! Come here!”
“What is it, my boy?” the father hollered from the boat.
“Look!” The boy pointed, standing against the clear blue sky. There were two bodies floating in the water. One a woman, another a man. “Why is the man’s shirt torn at the corner, papa?”
“Come back to the boat. There’s nothing more we can do for them, son. Not even for the man with a torn shirt.”
Last edited by a moderator:
AtlannianSpy
Alarmed and Strangerous
Okay, It's actually been a little more than 48 hours now but that's my fault for not really keeping an eye on the time.
@fliptheclown
An interesting take on the quote definitely and some great imagery, I really like that the whole piece seems to have a kind o f rhythm to it like the tide. The title could use some work though, it's contentious whether the title of a piece is completely part of it but it's always going to be the first thing your reader sees and, especially with short fiction it's an important opportunity.
@Physiicz
Damn! that was a brutal twist. The sea as horror movie villain, at least that's how it felt to me. Points for turning a very familiar scene into something horrific which always gets me. I almost feel like it would have worked better from the Father's perspective though, it's hard for the reader to grasp any link between our protagonist's idle curiosity and the ending. Some of the word choices makes things a bit stilted, particularity the verb choices for the dialogue, "a female voice sounded" is a kind of... jarring way to describe that, especially when the perspective the reader is viewing that from is the female's brother sitting next to them in a car. Lot's of potential here, which is why I had so much to say about it I think.
@Little Birdy
There's some interesting stuff going on here, it's unfortunate the timing didn't work out for you, there's definitely some stuff worth developing here. Working in a perspective shift and time jump in such a short piece is pretty hard to do, using the torn shirt to link the two scenes is smart but it's still quite jarring and the second scene suffers from not having the space to be developed properly, although it's possible that that's more a factor of limited time. If this is your first shot I'm looking forward to seeing your next piece!
Overall a great showing, lots of interesting ideas on display. I'm giving it to @fliptheclown for the great use of language and the strong focus of the piece. Congrats!
@fliptheclown
An interesting take on the quote definitely and some great imagery, I really like that the whole piece seems to have a kind o f rhythm to it like the tide. The title could use some work though, it's contentious whether the title of a piece is completely part of it but it's always going to be the first thing your reader sees and, especially with short fiction it's an important opportunity.
@Physiicz
Damn! that was a brutal twist. The sea as horror movie villain, at least that's how it felt to me. Points for turning a very familiar scene into something horrific which always gets me. I almost feel like it would have worked better from the Father's perspective though, it's hard for the reader to grasp any link between our protagonist's idle curiosity and the ending. Some of the word choices makes things a bit stilted, particularity the verb choices for the dialogue, "a female voice sounded" is a kind of... jarring way to describe that, especially when the perspective the reader is viewing that from is the female's brother sitting next to them in a car. Lot's of potential here, which is why I had so much to say about it I think.
@Little Birdy
There's some interesting stuff going on here, it's unfortunate the timing didn't work out for you, there's definitely some stuff worth developing here. Working in a perspective shift and time jump in such a short piece is pretty hard to do, using the torn shirt to link the two scenes is smart but it's still quite jarring and the second scene suffers from not having the space to be developed properly, although it's possible that that's more a factor of limited time. If this is your first shot I'm looking forward to seeing your next piece!
Overall a great showing, lots of interesting ideas on display. I'm giving it to @fliptheclown for the great use of language and the strong focus of the piece. Congrats!
Little
lil trash-heaping goblin
@AtlannianSpy Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it. I completely agree with you on everything you've said. I know that that wasn't my best piece, not anywhere close, but I figure it's also somewhere to start. I had fun writing it as well, so that's another bonus! But really, thank you again for the pointers. I'll keep those in mind for the next prompt.
Also, congrats @fliptheclown! I really loved your piece. It flowed so well and drew me in. Almost like a tide. Ha. Ha. But on a serious note, you totally deserved the win and I just wanted to drop in and say congrats!
Also, congrats @fliptheclown! I really loved your piece. It flowed so well and drew me in. Almost like a tide. Ha. Ha. But on a serious note, you totally deserved the win and I just wanted to drop in and say congrats!
Flip
Frightfully funny, frightfully friendly
@AtlannianSpy oh, I guess I didn't mean for it to be a title, just a way to specify more what was going on. Trying to be more specific with what I write because I tend to be too vague especially when it comes to metaphor and imagery 
but of course I obviously have more work to do, haha. Thank you for the feedback and the win!!
@Little Birdy Thank you! I really enjoyed how you told your story, with the transition to an outside perspective. Cool piece! I'm surprised (given, it's always the case) that I won against such strong writers.
PROMPT
Phrase: "Words that would melt in your hands"
ENDS: 40 hours from this post
LIMIT: No more than 400 words
Good luck!
but of course I obviously have more work to do, haha. Thank you for the feedback and the win!!@Little Birdy Thank you! I really enjoyed how you told your story, with the transition to an outside perspective. Cool piece! I'm surprised (given, it's always the case) that I won against such strong writers.
PROMPT
Phrase: "Words that would melt in your hands"
ENDS: 40 hours from this post
LIMIT: No more than 400 words
Good luck!
Last edited by a moderator:
KiKi Kitsune
The Fire Panda Fairy
"Just go away. Why do you insist on following me around like a lost duckling?” I glared at the brunette who merely cocked her head to the side before giving that stupid smile of hers. That really irritating one where her eyes scrunched closed. I felt myself prickle every time she did it.
Jealous.
Shut up.
I shook my head, pale hair getting in my eyes. While I tried to sort the mess out, she replied.
“Thank you.”
“It wasn’t a compliment.” My words were almost a growl.
“But ducklings are cute and fluffy.”
I couldn’t hold back the groan of frustration that had built up. Why did she always find the one thing I didn’t mean in my words?
“Let me put this in a way that your underdeveloped brain should be able to understand: I don’t want you hanging around me. Go away. Leave me alone. You, as well as other people, should learn to respect people’s space.” With crossed arms and my usual glare, I doubted my message could be any clearer.
Alexia looked at me for a few moments, her usual smile replaced by... I wasn’t sure what. She wasn’t upset or angry. Confused maybe?
“Then why do you always look lonely?”
I froze. There was no hint of her being condescending, or having pity. It was her usual curiosity that had somehow honed her in on me in the first place. That same curiosity that had kept her around for so long. That curiosity... Would she ever lose it?
I shook my head again, slowly, tired. She couldn’t stay. Someone like me would stop others from getting close to her. She had other friends, surely. People were scared of me, I was rude to them. In general, people knew to stay away. Except that stupid Alexia.
“Listen, I’m not lonely when you aren’t around. In fact, I’m delighted when you are out of hearing range. Even more so when you’re out of sight.” I shot her the coldest look I could, one that would freeze most in their tracks.
Alexia, that damned female, smiled. That cute smile where she scrunched her eyes when she was really happy, or laughing so loudly your eardrums rang.
“It’s okay Addie.”
My words and actions were always so hostile and cold towards her. How could she still be so determined to stay?
My words merely melted against her warmth.
(400 on the dot! Woo!)
Jealous.
Shut up.
I shook my head, pale hair getting in my eyes. While I tried to sort the mess out, she replied.
“Thank you.”
“It wasn’t a compliment.” My words were almost a growl.
“But ducklings are cute and fluffy.”
I couldn’t hold back the groan of frustration that had built up. Why did she always find the one thing I didn’t mean in my words?
“Let me put this in a way that your underdeveloped brain should be able to understand: I don’t want you hanging around me. Go away. Leave me alone. You, as well as other people, should learn to respect people’s space.” With crossed arms and my usual glare, I doubted my message could be any clearer.
Alexia looked at me for a few moments, her usual smile replaced by... I wasn’t sure what. She wasn’t upset or angry. Confused maybe?
“Then why do you always look lonely?”
I froze. There was no hint of her being condescending, or having pity. It was her usual curiosity that had somehow honed her in on me in the first place. That same curiosity that had kept her around for so long. That curiosity... Would she ever lose it?
I shook my head again, slowly, tired. She couldn’t stay. Someone like me would stop others from getting close to her. She had other friends, surely. People were scared of me, I was rude to them. In general, people knew to stay away. Except that stupid Alexia.
“Listen, I’m not lonely when you aren’t around. In fact, I’m delighted when you are out of hearing range. Even more so when you’re out of sight.” I shot her the coldest look I could, one that would freeze most in their tracks.
Alexia, that damned female, smiled. That cute smile where she scrunched her eyes when she was really happy, or laughing so loudly your eardrums rang.
“It’s okay Addie.”
My words and actions were always so hostile and cold towards her. How could she still be so determined to stay?
My words merely melted against her warmth.
(400 on the dot! Woo!)
Dusky
Succubus
A new challenger approaches! Hi, folks.
Words like that send the wax spilling onto your fingers; how ironic
that you carry the symbol of hope. Dark reels away
from your cupped hands
for a time.
Whisper more warmth into the flame and it grows,
a miniature hearth born of kisses and grabs, until
too quickly it burns to the nub. The wax pools in your hands now.
There are tears in your eyes, blisters on your skin. Your only salvation is
when the light goes out.
Words like that send the wax spilling onto your fingers; how ironic
that you carry the symbol of hope. Dark reels away
from your cupped hands
for a time.
Whisper more warmth into the flame and it grows,
a miniature hearth born of kisses and grabs, until
too quickly it burns to the nub. The wax pools in your hands now.
There are tears in your eyes, blisters on your skin. Your only salvation is
when the light goes out.
Kazu
The Forgettor
I've been stalking this thread for awhile now. Everyone's stories are so nice to read, I thought I'd finally go and give my own little contribution. Exactly 400 words.
“So,” I said, looking at her from the corner of my eye as we both sat down on a nearby bench. “…How’s life?”
She stared at the ground with half-lidded eyes, her mouth partially open. She didn’t turn to look at me, like she used to long ago as she spoke. “It’s been good,” she murmured.
I nodded my head, a small smile appearing on my face. It was pained though. I knew it. She knew it. Everyone did. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before briefly rubbing my right eye. I didn’t know what to say to her. Should I be glad that my ex was enjoying her life without me in it? Was it selfish for me to wish she was as unhappy as I was?
“Mark, I…” she started, before pausing. Her hand tucked several strands of hair behind her ear before she continued. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as her head lowered in what I perceived to be in guilt. Her long, brown hair covered the side of her face, and I could only see the tip of her nose from the angle I was looking at her.
I stared straight ahead, refusing to have eye contact. My lower lip quivered as I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Sorry for what? Sorry for leaving? Sorry for cheating? Sorry for appearing again in my life when I thought I was starting to get over you? I sucked in as much air as I could through my mouth, held it for a moment or so, and then let it all out before I finally spoke and I gave her another smile. “It’s okay, Martha. That’s all in the past,” I said, trying to act nonchalant about the whole ordeal.
Her head snapped up, and her whole body straightened out as she heard my words.
I couldn’t tell what she was feeling, staring into her eyes.
“Don’t lie to me, Mark.”
Her face contorted into an anguished expression. “Don’t ever lie to me,” she repeated, her voice cracking. Hot tears trickled down her face. “Tell me you won’t.”
I slid over to get nearer to her, and immediately wrapped my arms around her small, frail body.
“I won’t.” I confirmed, feeling a tear trickle down my cheek. "I won't."
My lies had melted.
“So,” I said, looking at her from the corner of my eye as we both sat down on a nearby bench. “…How’s life?”
She stared at the ground with half-lidded eyes, her mouth partially open. She didn’t turn to look at me, like she used to long ago as she spoke. “It’s been good,” she murmured.
I nodded my head, a small smile appearing on my face. It was pained though. I knew it. She knew it. Everyone did. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before briefly rubbing my right eye. I didn’t know what to say to her. Should I be glad that my ex was enjoying her life without me in it? Was it selfish for me to wish she was as unhappy as I was?
“Mark, I…” she started, before pausing. Her hand tucked several strands of hair behind her ear before she continued. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as her head lowered in what I perceived to be in guilt. Her long, brown hair covered the side of her face, and I could only see the tip of her nose from the angle I was looking at her.
I stared straight ahead, refusing to have eye contact. My lower lip quivered as I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Sorry for what? Sorry for leaving? Sorry for cheating? Sorry for appearing again in my life when I thought I was starting to get over you? I sucked in as much air as I could through my mouth, held it for a moment or so, and then let it all out before I finally spoke and I gave her another smile. “It’s okay, Martha. That’s all in the past,” I said, trying to act nonchalant about the whole ordeal.
Her head snapped up, and her whole body straightened out as she heard my words.
I couldn’t tell what she was feeling, staring into her eyes.
“Don’t lie to me, Mark.”
Her face contorted into an anguished expression. “Don’t ever lie to me,” she repeated, her voice cracking. Hot tears trickled down her face. “Tell me you won’t.”
I slid over to get nearer to her, and immediately wrapped my arms around her small, frail body.
“I won’t.” I confirmed, feeling a tear trickle down my cheek. "I won't."
My lies had melted.
Flip
Frightfully funny, frightfully friendly
Thank you everyone for participating!!! I think I'm a tad early, but oh well it's late haha.
@KiKi Kitsune - Interesting dynamic, and heart breaking in a way! Quite cute!!! You made Alexia such an adorable and alluring savior for Addie in such short words.
@Anomaly - Welcome! mmmm, I love me some imagery-laden poetry. To me, the poem is describing the intensity of a rising and then falling relationship. I love it!
@Kazuko - Another interesting dynamic between characters, so much story packed into those 400 words. A rather heart-wrenching moment; I kind of hate the Martha character here, for forcing her ex to reveal to her his true feelings after she stomped all over his heart like that :'< Poor Mark. This kinda hits home for me, these situations are always tough.
Winner is @Anomaly! I'm a sucker for high-emotion and drama : P
@KiKi Kitsune - Interesting dynamic, and heart breaking in a way! Quite cute!!! You made Alexia such an adorable and alluring savior for Addie in such short words.
@Anomaly - Welcome! mmmm, I love me some imagery-laden poetry. To me, the poem is describing the intensity of a rising and then falling relationship. I love it!
@Kazuko - Another interesting dynamic between characters, so much story packed into those 400 words. A rather heart-wrenching moment; I kind of hate the Martha character here, for forcing her ex to reveal to her his true feelings after she stomped all over his heart like that :'< Poor Mark. This kinda hits home for me, these situations are always tough.
Winner is @Anomaly! I'm a sucker for high-emotion and drama : P
Kazu
The Forgettor
Alright, thank you! Now let's see...
PROMPT
Phrase: "Is it true, that up on that hill you can still feel the ocean breeze?"
ENDS: 40 hours from this post
LIMIT: 550 words.
PROMPT
Phrase: "Is it true, that up on that hill you can still feel the ocean breeze?"
ENDS: 40 hours from this post
LIMIT: 550 words.
KiKi Kitsune
The Fire Panda Fairy
Rikan stood on the balcony of the apartment that had been assigned to him. He had just moved up a rank, but the place looked no different from his previous location. The buildings were just as tall and crowded. The sky was equally as grey with the constant smog that blanketed the city. The breeze that rustled his hair carried scents of oil, grime, and metal.
He looked up as a blimp passed overhead, blocking out the small bit of sunlight. Its gears churned loudly as it pumped more smoke into the darkened sky. Rikan coughed, his throat and lungs felt as if they were coated in a layer of tar. Maybe they were. His coughs were getting more frequent and worse.
Rikan looked back into his apartment and sighed. If he was sick, he couldn’t do anything about it. Someone of his rank couldn’t get anything more than the absolute basic medication without paying a lot of money. Money that he would never be able to gather. It was a cruel system, but he could do nothing about that either.
He snatched up the goggles that sat on a cluttered table. He donned his watch and eyewear as he left his apartment. The clinking of the watch’s old gears had always kept him company. It was the sound he focused on instead of the overbearing cacophony of the city. People, trams, factories; they were loud enough to induce a headache within a few minutes.
Click, click, clack.
Click, click, clack.
The simple accessory was soothing to Rikan. He strolled through the bustling streets doing his best to focus his ears on the gears. Click, click, clack. There was a lot of yelling. Sounded like someone had broken into a bakery and stolen something; a loaf of bread. Rikan shook his head. Just focus on the watch. Click, click, clack.
He walked without any particular destination in mind. All he focused on were the sounds that were a little less human. There was a bird’s caw somewhere. Probably from past the wall. The wall?
Rikan stopped and blinked. When had he gotten so close to the wall? He hadn’t even laid eyes on the wall in a year. The wall that circled the city stopped many things. Enemies invading, people leaving, sunlight. It was as tall as an apartment complex, after all.
Click, click, clack. Swoosh.
Rikan tilted his head, brows knotted in confusion. The noise of the city was a little fainter here. It was easier to hear his watch, but it was accompanied by another sound. Curious, he ascended the small hill towards the wall.
A small wind blew over the wall and swirled around the hill where Rikan stood. It held the scent of salt. He closed his eyes, trying to place what it was.
A shadow overhead caused his eyes to snap open. Something was on top of the wall. It suddenly started descending. As it did, Rikan noticed it was a person.
“Ya wanna know what’s on tha otha side o’ tha wall?” The young, scruffy boy asked. Rikan could only nod in his confusion. The boy gave an impish grin, showing a few missing teeth. “Tha ocean.”
(words: 533)
He looked up as a blimp passed overhead, blocking out the small bit of sunlight. Its gears churned loudly as it pumped more smoke into the darkened sky. Rikan coughed, his throat and lungs felt as if they were coated in a layer of tar. Maybe they were. His coughs were getting more frequent and worse.
Rikan looked back into his apartment and sighed. If he was sick, he couldn’t do anything about it. Someone of his rank couldn’t get anything more than the absolute basic medication without paying a lot of money. Money that he would never be able to gather. It was a cruel system, but he could do nothing about that either.
He snatched up the goggles that sat on a cluttered table. He donned his watch and eyewear as he left his apartment. The clinking of the watch’s old gears had always kept him company. It was the sound he focused on instead of the overbearing cacophony of the city. People, trams, factories; they were loud enough to induce a headache within a few minutes.
Click, click, clack.
Click, click, clack.
The simple accessory was soothing to Rikan. He strolled through the bustling streets doing his best to focus his ears on the gears. Click, click, clack. There was a lot of yelling. Sounded like someone had broken into a bakery and stolen something; a loaf of bread. Rikan shook his head. Just focus on the watch. Click, click, clack.
He walked without any particular destination in mind. All he focused on were the sounds that were a little less human. There was a bird’s caw somewhere. Probably from past the wall. The wall?
Rikan stopped and blinked. When had he gotten so close to the wall? He hadn’t even laid eyes on the wall in a year. The wall that circled the city stopped many things. Enemies invading, people leaving, sunlight. It was as tall as an apartment complex, after all.
Click, click, clack. Swoosh.
Rikan tilted his head, brows knotted in confusion. The noise of the city was a little fainter here. It was easier to hear his watch, but it was accompanied by another sound. Curious, he ascended the small hill towards the wall.
A small wind blew over the wall and swirled around the hill where Rikan stood. It held the scent of salt. He closed his eyes, trying to place what it was.
A shadow overhead caused his eyes to snap open. Something was on top of the wall. It suddenly started descending. As it did, Rikan noticed it was a person.
“Ya wanna know what’s on tha otha side o’ tha wall?” The young, scruffy boy asked. Rikan could only nod in his confusion. The boy gave an impish grin, showing a few missing teeth. “Tha ocean.”
(words: 533)
Dusky
Succubus
I'm flattered you liked my word-vomit. c: Sorry, I tend to actually sleep and do things that are required of my life in 12-hour spans. ^^;
Flip
Frightfully funny, frightfully friendly
I understand, it had just been more than a day heh and I had the time limit and everything. im sure we all have lives lol, I just got impatient sorry :< lately writing is an addiction, omg.
And this prompt is awesome!!
And this prompt is awesome!!
Last edited by a moderator:
Little
lil trash-heaping goblin
Hi all! This piece is 550 words exactly. Enjoy!
When the woman collapsed, no one moved to help her up. They all knew, so they kept walking, being careful to step around the motionless body. Liam’s lip quivered at the sight, but he said nothing as he clung a little tighter to his older brother, Jeffrey. The older brother, seeming to sense the coming despair, stopped in his tracks and made Liam sit down. They didn’t carry as much as the others carried, only what they could fit in their backpacks and even then it wasn’t much. The clothes they wore were in shambles, some seams barely held together by the fading and decaying thread. But they got by. They always found a way. At least until now.
Tears had sprung out of his green eyes by the time Jeffery got out their last canteen of water. “Here. Drink.” Liam obeyed, sniffling as he took the canteen with his calloused and worked hands. Neither of the brothers said anything for a while. Liam drank what was left of the water, and didn’t bother giving the canteen back. It was useless, now. They both knew it. Everyone knew it. There was no more water. They hadn’t eaten in days. This city said to be by the ocean had been exactly what that woman had said; a myth, and nothing more. There was no ocean. They were hopelessly lost in the middle of nowhere with no hope at all. It was only a matter of time before they all started dropping like flies, just like that woman had moments before.
“Do you think we’ll see mom and dad?” Liam asked, his voice cracking as he turned to look at his older brother. A part of him wanted to believe he would see them again. But another part of him wanted to believe there was nothing after death. At least then he would finally be free from the misery and pain that was his life.
“I hope so,” Jeffrey answered before standing up, offering a hand to his little brother. “Come on now. One more hill and then we’ll rest for a while. Maybe eat.”
Liam tried not to laugh. That had been exactly what that woman had said before, only to die not even halfway up the hill. When he looked back to see the body, there were people fighting over what the woman had on her. One man laid unconscious beside her, blood running down his forehead. Those who were still standing took what they could from the man, too. Liam didn’t look back again, and instead kept walking alongside his brother. Without a word, he slipped his hand in his and the two of them walked up that hill.
“Do you… do you smell that?” Cautious. That was what his voice was. Hope was dangerous.
“Yeah… I think I so,” Jeffrey said hesitantly, doubtfully. Without saying another word, the two quickening their pace. The people who’d gone ahead of them were buzzing. Liam felt his heartbeat drum inside his chest. Could it be? No. That’s impossible. There was no ocean, and there was no city. Impossible.
He raised his eyes when they got to the top of the hill, and there was the ocean for as far as the eye could see.
Liam’s body collapsed. He didn’t get up.
When the woman collapsed, no one moved to help her up. They all knew, so they kept walking, being careful to step around the motionless body. Liam’s lip quivered at the sight, but he said nothing as he clung a little tighter to his older brother, Jeffrey. The older brother, seeming to sense the coming despair, stopped in his tracks and made Liam sit down. They didn’t carry as much as the others carried, only what they could fit in their backpacks and even then it wasn’t much. The clothes they wore were in shambles, some seams barely held together by the fading and decaying thread. But they got by. They always found a way. At least until now.
Tears had sprung out of his green eyes by the time Jeffery got out their last canteen of water. “Here. Drink.” Liam obeyed, sniffling as he took the canteen with his calloused and worked hands. Neither of the brothers said anything for a while. Liam drank what was left of the water, and didn’t bother giving the canteen back. It was useless, now. They both knew it. Everyone knew it. There was no more water. They hadn’t eaten in days. This city said to be by the ocean had been exactly what that woman had said; a myth, and nothing more. There was no ocean. They were hopelessly lost in the middle of nowhere with no hope at all. It was only a matter of time before they all started dropping like flies, just like that woman had moments before.
“Do you think we’ll see mom and dad?” Liam asked, his voice cracking as he turned to look at his older brother. A part of him wanted to believe he would see them again. But another part of him wanted to believe there was nothing after death. At least then he would finally be free from the misery and pain that was his life.
“I hope so,” Jeffrey answered before standing up, offering a hand to his little brother. “Come on now. One more hill and then we’ll rest for a while. Maybe eat.”
Liam tried not to laugh. That had been exactly what that woman had said before, only to die not even halfway up the hill. When he looked back to see the body, there were people fighting over what the woman had on her. One man laid unconscious beside her, blood running down his forehead. Those who were still standing took what they could from the man, too. Liam didn’t look back again, and instead kept walking alongside his brother. Without a word, he slipped his hand in his and the two of them walked up that hill.
“Do you… do you smell that?” Cautious. That was what his voice was. Hope was dangerous.
“Yeah… I think I so,” Jeffrey said hesitantly, doubtfully. Without saying another word, the two quickening their pace. The people who’d gone ahead of them were buzzing. Liam felt his heartbeat drum inside his chest. Could it be? No. That’s impossible. There was no ocean, and there was no city. Impossible.
He raised his eyes when they got to the top of the hill, and there was the ocean for as far as the eye could see.
Liam’s body collapsed. He didn’t get up.
ArtisticVicu
Member
"Is it true, that up on that hill you can still feel the ocean breeze?"
He looked up from the book he was reading, confused until his mind processed the question. He smiled gently, putting the antique aside with the same amount of care a mother would her child. "No," he offered with a pleasant smile, standing. "We are too far inland to get those kinds of winds anymore." The youth that had asked the question slumped, looking almost defeated. His pleasant smile fell away for a concerned frown. "Why do you ask?"
The youth hesitated and he waited patiently for them to speak. They always did, once they found the right words for it.
"I just figured that I had experienced it, is all."
Aw, so that's what was troubling the youth. His smile returning, he sat down by the youth, clothing billowing around him till it settled against the floor and his frame. "I do not feel as you do, child," he started. Brown eyes looked up at him, wary but curious. "I never will. But I have been around long enough to get a glimpse into the human mind and how it works, how statements such as what you have stated are accurate and not."
He placed a gloved hand on the youth's head without looking at them. The youth dipped under the contact but did not pull away. "Long ago, when the lands began shifting and changing towards what they are now, the ocean had appeared to recede. Planetary crust is not meant to move as rapidly as it had, thus why we have the land formations we do. But, at the beginning, while the planet's plates moving as they were was still very new and not well understood, there was a fear of losing everything. To sooth that fear, many stated that they could still feel the ocean breeze on top of that hill. It was merely nostalgic hoping, a lack of accuracy." He looked down at the youth, a weak smile on his face. "But it helped.
"The thing is, in all technicality, every breeze you feel is an ocean breeze, as well as a mountain breeze, a forest breeze, and a desert breeze. The air on the planet is all in the same even with the heating and cooling of the atmosphere and the texture of the planet's surface which cause the winds we feel." He got to his feet, his joints creaking in a way that warned him to take care of himself soon otherwise he was not going to be able to move for much longer. "So, if you really want to be technical about it...." he gave the youth a smile, "you did indeed experience an ocean breeze."
The beaming look from the youth was worth it all.
Words: 468
He looked up from the book he was reading, confused until his mind processed the question. He smiled gently, putting the antique aside with the same amount of care a mother would her child. "No," he offered with a pleasant smile, standing. "We are too far inland to get those kinds of winds anymore." The youth that had asked the question slumped, looking almost defeated. His pleasant smile fell away for a concerned frown. "Why do you ask?"
The youth hesitated and he waited patiently for them to speak. They always did, once they found the right words for it.
"I just figured that I had experienced it, is all."
Aw, so that's what was troubling the youth. His smile returning, he sat down by the youth, clothing billowing around him till it settled against the floor and his frame. "I do not feel as you do, child," he started. Brown eyes looked up at him, wary but curious. "I never will. But I have been around long enough to get a glimpse into the human mind and how it works, how statements such as what you have stated are accurate and not."
He placed a gloved hand on the youth's head without looking at them. The youth dipped under the contact but did not pull away. "Long ago, when the lands began shifting and changing towards what they are now, the ocean had appeared to recede. Planetary crust is not meant to move as rapidly as it had, thus why we have the land formations we do. But, at the beginning, while the planet's plates moving as they were was still very new and not well understood, there was a fear of losing everything. To sooth that fear, many stated that they could still feel the ocean breeze on top of that hill. It was merely nostalgic hoping, a lack of accuracy." He looked down at the youth, a weak smile on his face. "But it helped.
"The thing is, in all technicality, every breeze you feel is an ocean breeze, as well as a mountain breeze, a forest breeze, and a desert breeze. The air on the planet is all in the same even with the heating and cooling of the atmosphere and the texture of the planet's surface which cause the winds we feel." He got to his feet, his joints creaking in a way that warned him to take care of himself soon otherwise he was not going to be able to move for much longer. "So, if you really want to be technical about it...." he gave the youth a smile, "you did indeed experience an ocean breeze."
The beaming look from the youth was worth it all.
Words: 468
Flip
Frightfully funny, frightfully friendly
Word count: 523
---
The crack of a tab under an impatient fist, the clack of a credit card cutting it into a line. Breathing it in - money, energy, life.
Police Commissioner Egon Sekys swept the remaining pixie dust off of his desk with the back of his hand, sat back in his leather chair, waiting in the dark for the upper to kick in.
In thirty minutes, he was up, unlocked the door, switched on the lights. He wiped the sweat beading at his hairline, rubbed it over his eyebrows, looked in the mirror until he found a handsome face. Ready - for a long night of squashing heads between his fingers, counting loaves of cash in front of quaking debtors, reinforcing the chains on his pawns, making preparations for the guest he would be hosting that night; it was a full-time gig to keep up with others vying for control of the city, all of them furiously pumping their own oil into it, making the city bleed viscous black.
His office was thick with a haze of cigar smoke by the end of the night. The tip of his fifth Cuban smoldered a vivid red, the same as the dawn glaring through the windows.
“So this must be why you work all night, Sekys.” The criminal named Colm Bracca said, strapped to a chair in front of his desk. Placid voice, sentimental, in his last hours. “To catch the sunrise.”
“A sunrise,” Sekys murmured around musky tobacco. “That's what you're thinking about?” He stood, his body a creaking mountain, rolling with stifling fog. “That is exactly why people like you get hurt. Why people like Nick, get hurt.” He saw Colm twitch, defensive, at the name. The floor shook under each of Sekys' steps as he lumbered around the desk, a thick hand dragging across the edge. “You should have slit his throat when you had the chance, before he spread you out for me like a buffet. You would have done poor Nicky a favor, too, because, even though in the end he gave you up, the only discipline commensurate with the crime of getting cozy with a criminal, who is trying to hose me, is very, very long, and ends in the same way.”
Sekys clenched his teeth, raised a cotton square to the perspiration skimming down his jaw. His throat was dry, needed another eightball. “So keep your sunrises, your ocean breezes, your romantic fantasies. When you're at the top of the hill, like me, the only things you can feel are the crunch of skulls underfoot, the crisp paper of money between your fingers. These are the things that really matter. The things that will keep you alive.”
He opened a drawer in the side of the desk and from it wound a chain around his fingers. Despite the cold, heavy metal, it looked dainty in the fond care of his large hands. Sekys stretched it nice across Colm's neck, pulled it around like a necklace.
“Maybe, with luck, you will carry this lesson into your next life. Here; you can watch the sunrise as you suffocate.”
----
I'll just tack on some notes because why not :>
ehhehe, this is practice for this big evil dude I'll be introducing to a roleplay :> Trying to make him creepy as possible bahaha.
...The poor guy in the chair is actually my partner's character, omg, I'm crying to put him in this scene like this ;___; (if you see this I hope you don't mind I used him ;___; he's just perfect....)
Oh, "eightball" is slang for cocaine. Yay slang.
---
The crack of a tab under an impatient fist, the clack of a credit card cutting it into a line. Breathing it in - money, energy, life.
Police Commissioner Egon Sekys swept the remaining pixie dust off of his desk with the back of his hand, sat back in his leather chair, waiting in the dark for the upper to kick in.
In thirty minutes, he was up, unlocked the door, switched on the lights. He wiped the sweat beading at his hairline, rubbed it over his eyebrows, looked in the mirror until he found a handsome face. Ready - for a long night of squashing heads between his fingers, counting loaves of cash in front of quaking debtors, reinforcing the chains on his pawns, making preparations for the guest he would be hosting that night; it was a full-time gig to keep up with others vying for control of the city, all of them furiously pumping their own oil into it, making the city bleed viscous black.
His office was thick with a haze of cigar smoke by the end of the night. The tip of his fifth Cuban smoldered a vivid red, the same as the dawn glaring through the windows.
“So this must be why you work all night, Sekys.” The criminal named Colm Bracca said, strapped to a chair in front of his desk. Placid voice, sentimental, in his last hours. “To catch the sunrise.”
“A sunrise,” Sekys murmured around musky tobacco. “That's what you're thinking about?” He stood, his body a creaking mountain, rolling with stifling fog. “That is exactly why people like you get hurt. Why people like Nick, get hurt.” He saw Colm twitch, defensive, at the name. The floor shook under each of Sekys' steps as he lumbered around the desk, a thick hand dragging across the edge. “You should have slit his throat when you had the chance, before he spread you out for me like a buffet. You would have done poor Nicky a favor, too, because, even though in the end he gave you up, the only discipline commensurate with the crime of getting cozy with a criminal, who is trying to hose me, is very, very long, and ends in the same way.”
Sekys clenched his teeth, raised a cotton square to the perspiration skimming down his jaw. His throat was dry, needed another eightball. “So keep your sunrises, your ocean breezes, your romantic fantasies. When you're at the top of the hill, like me, the only things you can feel are the crunch of skulls underfoot, the crisp paper of money between your fingers. These are the things that really matter. The things that will keep you alive.”
He opened a drawer in the side of the desk and from it wound a chain around his fingers. Despite the cold, heavy metal, it looked dainty in the fond care of his large hands. Sekys stretched it nice across Colm's neck, pulled it around like a necklace.
“Maybe, with luck, you will carry this lesson into your next life. Here; you can watch the sunrise as you suffocate.”
----
I'll just tack on some notes because why not :>
ehhehe, this is practice for this big evil dude I'll be introducing to a roleplay :> Trying to make him creepy as possible bahaha.
...The poor guy in the chair is actually my partner's character, omg, I'm crying to put him in this scene like this ;___; (if you see this I hope you don't mind I used him ;___; he's just perfect....)
Oh, "eightball" is slang for cocaine. Yay slang.
Last edited by a moderator:
Little
lil trash-heaping goblin
Can I just say that every one of these pieces are absolutely brilliant? I feel like a kid playing dress-up among real adults in terms of writing, ahaha. I seriously love everyone's piece. May the best writer win! Can't wait to see what the next prompt will be!
illegallyblonde
. ｡*+ .*. ｡
I think I'll be popping in when the next prompt in posted. This looks like a fun time. c:
Great work, by the way! Can't wait to say who wins this round!
Great work, by the way! Can't wait to say who wins this round!
Kazu
The Forgettor
Aaa, what a tough decision! This'll definitely be a hard pick...
I've lost count how much time left there is, but seeing as I'll be busy later, I might as well do this and give the torch to the next person before I forget. xD I'm really bad at reviewing this kind of stuff however, so my apologies if you were hoping for more.
@KiKi Kitsune
An interesting setting to set stage for a character to find a hill where you might feel the ocean breeze. I love the last paragraph, as I can just imagine that boy grinning from ear to ear as he tells Rikan that the ocean is on the other side. It's a very satisfying ending.
@Little Birdy
An intriguing way to begin. So many questions come up as the story progresses, like where they are going, why they are doing this, ect.
It leaves up a lot for the reader to imagine! But whatever they were looking for, I'm glad Jeffrey and Liam were able to at least see the ocean before the latter's abrupt death. Well done!
@asharasahara
I love the dialogue between these two. I've always enjoyed reading stories which show interaction between a child and an elderly person, but this one really hits home for me, as it greatly reminds me of my grandmother and my early memories with her. Nicely done, and a sweet ending to top it all!
@fliptheclown
I can't find the right words right now to describe your story, but I really like it. Unique and a very interesting take on the prompt is all I can say. Great job!
-
As I said earlier, a very tough decision, but I think I'll be going with @asharasahara. Love short stories like this, giving the reader a chance to peek into the life of another person and delving into an interesting event that has happened to them. I'm a sucker for those. I'm glad to hear everyone enjoyed my prompt, I thoroughly enjoyed reading each one!
I've lost count how much time left there is, but seeing as I'll be busy later, I might as well do this and give the torch to the next person before I forget. xD I'm really bad at reviewing this kind of stuff however, so my apologies if you were hoping for more.
@KiKi Kitsune
An interesting setting to set stage for a character to find a hill where you might feel the ocean breeze. I love the last paragraph, as I can just imagine that boy grinning from ear to ear as he tells Rikan that the ocean is on the other side. It's a very satisfying ending.
@Little Birdy
An intriguing way to begin. So many questions come up as the story progresses, like where they are going, why they are doing this, ect.
It leaves up a lot for the reader to imagine! But whatever they were looking for, I'm glad Jeffrey and Liam were able to at least see the ocean before the latter's abrupt death. Well done!
@asharasahara
I love the dialogue between these two. I've always enjoyed reading stories which show interaction between a child and an elderly person, but this one really hits home for me, as it greatly reminds me of my grandmother and my early memories with her. Nicely done, and a sweet ending to top it all!
@fliptheclown
I can't find the right words right now to describe your story, but I really like it. Unique and a very interesting take on the prompt is all I can say. Great job!
-
As I said earlier, a very tough decision, but I think I'll be going with @asharasahara. Love short stories like this, giving the reader a chance to peek into the life of another person and delving into an interesting event that has happened to them. I'm a sucker for those. I'm glad to hear everyone enjoyed my prompt, I thoroughly enjoyed reading each one!
JujuBee
Pettiest Bitch Out There
I need to come back and do this. I've been missing it ._.
ArtisticVicu
Member
0-0 How the- Well, ok then. 
Thank you for the compliment and win, @Kazuko. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Next prompt!!
Prompt:
Secrets
Time Limit: 48 hours
Word Limit: Either 17 or 42 words exactly
Good Luck!!
Thank you for the compliment and win, @Kazuko. I'm glad you enjoyed it.Next prompt!!
Prompt:
Secrets
Time Limit: 48 hours
Word Limit: Either 17 or 42 words exactly
Good Luck!!
