The Queen's Madness - OOC

Hey, don't forget that my poor bastard of a doctor is also completely defenseless and could be run down within the first ten pages of the RP! Great fun.


Though, I guess the potential Thoros of Narcel has greatly outweighs Siara's weakness, heh.
 
Also, I'm going to add a description of wood elves in her Character Tab, and can come up with descriptions for the cities and kingdoms I bring up if you'd like. @ianbabyyy
 
Mitchs98 said:
Opinions on Miziki and Sarah? :3
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Both- I like how you went through the extra trouble to add their size and their weight and how you choose not to use what was written before to insert in the strengths and weaknesses. I feel that both characters are a bit vague and incomplete.


Sarah- I love fox girls. I just do. Her powers are vague and easily overpowered, but since they were taken from somewhere else and they fit the general idea for the character that's quite forgivable. Her personality, on the other hand is a lot harder to handle, simply because you did add a personal touch, which is her shyness comes from finding others intimidating, but you made it so that the boundary between trusting and not trusting is too vaguely to know whether or not we've crossed it at any given point, plus her attitude isn't well specified either and beyond that the personality focuses more on how others are supposed to feel which has little to do with what you're supposed to be describing. It is also contradictory to say you have a shy character and then say I is "overly trusting" without explaining how that's possible. Overall, good character but needs to be more concrete.


Miziki- this character pisses me off. For starters, I don't like angel or demon characters, though to be fair, at least it's not a demon which are never handled well. That is more of a personal preference, though. However, what isn't is my problem with her personality: no flaws, Mary Sue. Having a flawless personality makes your character 2-dimensional to say the least and considering you seemed willing to put effort into this, it's quite a waste. I would consider playing off on her wondering the planes and her connection to the dead for character conflict and flaws. A form of depression, overzealously, overbearing fear of death, are just a few examples of what could be done. Her powers are a bit of a shock too. She has a few good powers, but she also has some rather overly vague ones and her wind abilities are a bit, you know, over the top. Namely the wind one. The ability to just cut things with wind like that constitutes auto kill. I would recommend changing it to soemthing more limiting, with a similar effect, like creating a wind blade or soemthing. For vagueness, teleportation. As of now, she can teleport at any speed, any number of times, within a frankly quite wide range. Overall, I think this character needs a lot of work, but has great potential.


I hope what I said makes sense to you, as the are my thoughts on your characters.
 
Idea said:
Both- I like how you went through the extra trouble to add their size and their weight and how you choose not to use what was written before to insert in the strengths and weaknesses. I feel that both characters are a bit vague and incomplete.
Sarah- I love fox girls. I just do. Her powers are vague and easily overpowered, but since they were taken from somewhere else and they fit the general idea for the character that's quite forgivable. Her personality, on the other hand is a lot harder to handle, simply because you did add a personal touch, which is her shyness comes from finding others intimidating, but you made it so that the boundary between trusting and not trusting is too vaguely to know whether or not we've crossed it at any given point, plus her attitude isn't well specified either and beyond that the personality focuses more on how others are supposed to feel which has little to do with what you're supposed to be describing. It is also contradictory to say you have a shy character and then say I is "overly trusting" without explaining how that's possible. Overall, good character but needs to be more concrete.


Miziki- this character pisses me off. For starters, I don't like angel or demon characters, though to be fair, at least it's not a demon which are never handled well. That is more of a personal preference, though. However, what isn't is my problem with her personality: no flaws, Mary Sue. Having a flawless personality makes your character 2-dimensional to say the least and considering you seemed willing to put effort into this, it's quite a waste. I would consider playing off on her wondering the planes and her connection to the dead for character conflict and flaws. A form of depression, overzealously, overbearing fear of death, are just a few examples of what could be done. Her powers are a bit of a shock too. She has a few good powers, but she also has some rather overly vague ones and her wind abilities are a bit, you know, over the top. Namely the wind one. The ability to just cut things with wind like that constitutes auto kill. I would recommend changing it to soemthing more limiting, with a similar effect, like creating a wind blade or soemthing. For vagueness, teleportation. As of now, she can teleport at any speed, any number of times, within a frankly quite wide range. Overall, I think this character needs a lot of work, but has great potential.


I hope what I said makes sense to you, as the are my thoughts on your characters.
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You got the names wrong; But cool d:


As for the two of them, they're some of my more unused characters; Sarah in particular.


Since you used a list, I shall to;


Miziki:


Miziki was meant to be a more awkward character in how she acts. I didn't list anything entirely concrete in personality simply because she's meant to be an odd person. Perhaps I should clarify that more the next time I go to edit her, very appreciated ^-^


Sarah;


Sarah is NOT an Angel. Angelic Plane Walker was simply a term used(I didn't even exactly make the race, a friend did) to describe them being above every single other being in their particular realm. Fear not, I dislike generic angels and demons myself. As for the personality issues, I'd intended to edit it but never got around to it. I probably will before I use her IC. As for the rest, Limbo is not your typical 'State of Limbo/Death' place. Not at all. It's an entirely different thing created and named after the Stone God Limbo, the creator of the Plane Walkers that pre-exsisted human beings(Big in-depth lore thing, once again made by a friend). So the whole death aspect wouldn't work, at all, since it's not related. I definetely will edit her personality a tad though.


As for her wind powers, they can't auto kill at all. That's not how her powers work. You could very much think a more higher scale and better version of Air Bending. The air for the blade thingies is visible, and larger scale and continous attacks drain her magic fast. As does continous use of teleporting, it's not infinite d:


That said, in this RP she's mostly to act as an observer, I don't really intend on fighting with her much *shrug*. You bring up very valid points though, when I work on her more in depth again I'll add a lot of stuff in.
 
SirFlabberghaspy said:
Also, I very much like Kneckt. Is that WoW: Mists of Pandaria art, or am I just imagining things?
@Idea
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The art was taken from WoW: Mists of Pandaria and Hearthstone: Whispers of the Old Gods art. Thank you for the compliment.
 
@Idea


sorry to bother you but I have seen the criticism that you have towards other characters and I would like to know your opinion on mine; If you have the Time.


~Decay
 
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SirFlabberghaspy said:
@Idea
I'm open to you critiquing my characters, by the way. Before we get too deep into the RP.
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Both- Both characters have a definite Game of Thrones inspiration and parallel. While this would normally not be a good thing to say, you have skillfully adapted and captured the feel, key points and in a way, depth of the ideas you took from the books, meaning that more than a re-use your characters are building upon an already amazing legacy. Do remember, though, that when you base yourself off something so clearly, you will bring expectations with you and everyone else. Be careful, cause those are easy to disappoint ;) .


- Their histories are very, very well done, and while I don´t feel they are all that round or unique, there is definitely great standards of quality in them. You also went an extra mile by using both pics and descriptions at once, showing effort.


Thoros- A fanatic character is a bold attempt and one I usually see parodied more than anything. You seem to be giving him his good share of depth, though and so I am very much looking forward to seeing how you will pull this off. Either way, the fact that you will try, in itself, is worth congratulating. I also like his personality, it is quite round and interesting to explore. It is both properly flawed and allows for interaction bridges, namely in mischivieousness. Lastly, I like how varied he is in strengths and weaknesses.


-His problems consist mainly on how you try to hide things you shouldn´t. Remember, a CS is always written from an OMNISCIENT point of view. At the most, they can be lightly affected by the character´s own POV, but for the most part, they can´t. In this case, while I think it´s forgivable in the gender section, the species being "unknown, presumed" doesn´t fly. If you don´t want other characters to know, then you should still give away the species. If your character doesn´t say anything about it, and you just decide to make a species almost nobody would know about (be sure to describe that part), then any character that did know would be metagaming unless they were an expert, in which case they would know IC either way. The other thing is that you have to explain that "heavy illusion magic". What does that do, what kind of limitations does it have, any prices to speak of... Those sorts of things.


-Overall, Thoros is a very well-rounded character and will certainly be a high point of the RP if properly handled. The only fault is trying to be more mysterious than necessary or reasonable.


Siara- I must congratulate you on the detail you put on her species description. Very well done, I feel you captured key elements of elves, while putting some input of your own and lightly hinting at the Tolkien mythos. Good job. I also like how you made her out to be a little defenseless, and boy do I wish you had sticked with it. Unofrtunately, it is a little hard to tell, as she shares her first issue with Thoros: You don´t properly explain her magic. In this case, I barely even can grasp what it MIGHT do, much less what it actually does.


- Her biggest flaw, though, is being flawless. Yes, she has fears and yes, in the weaknesses you adapted some of her strengths into "flaws". However, being "too nice" isn´t a personality flaw. It is only bad when SOMEONE ELSE makes it bad. "A little recklessness" is the same as saying she will act even when it is unreasonable, but only if I OOC know taht´s the best choice, from my experience. Her personality needs to decide whether it wants things to be good or bad for her, they can´t be both at the same time. If you want to make her brave and not reckless, go ahead. If you want to make her too brave, hence reckless, that´s fine too, but you need to decide which it is and you need to give her proper flaws.


-Overall, Siara feels like burying jewels in quicksand. With the great sources of inspiration, the effort put in the species and backstory, the character falls flat over being greatly 2-dimensional. If you can just be more decisive in it, I am sure she´ll come out absolutely amazing.
 
Decay said:
@Idea
sorry to bother you but I have seen the criticism that you have towards other characters and I would like to know your opinion on mine; If you have the Time.


~Decay
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-like with others good job adding an extra for the appearance.


- the character feels quite inspired by Li Sin from LOL, yet I feel you don´t do a very good job with that, to be honest. It doesn´t seem to me like you are capitalizing enough on the inspiration to be able to build upon it. In fact, your character seems to have a great misuse of effort and several missed opportunities. Not that he is a waste of time in any way, but rather, you put more work into things you shouldn´t that those you should. You added a drama scene of the temple burning down at the end of his backstory, for example: This was completely and utterly unnecessary. Everything else about the character could go exactly the same without it, and hence you are throwing away several opportunities later on (a monk showing up, taking refuge in their temple, being threatened over it, etc...) which could be great plot points and are not there for the sake of pointless drama. On the other hand, the first paragraph of backstory focuses in a curious manner on how the boy "did not cry/whine". It feels very disappointing because you don´t bring this up again nor do you really explain it, making it into wasted potential.


- His personality is incomplete. It is not flawless nor over the top, but one flaw is not enough. The character feels like he only has one path and one response in him which is to be loving and friendly and get hurt. I recommend something that would make him actually make mistakes on the bad side of the scale. Some form of "temptation" or set of them preferably that can draw him to make mistakes and create inner conflict. Just being the victim won´t work in RP.


-overall the character feels very mismanaged. The effort necessary to make an excellent character was there, but you focused on the wrong places, making the character fall on it´s feet.
 
Mitchs98 said:
Miziki:
Miziki was meant to be a more awkward character in how she acts. I didn't list anything entirely concrete in personality simply because she's meant to be an odd person. Perhaps I should clarify that more the next time I go to edit her, very appreciated ^-^
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You can easily make her an odd person and still be concrete. Add the "excentric" trait is one way. The other would be to give her several quirks. For example, you can say she likes chewing on her foot nails or that she chases her tail if someone steps on it, etc... These would give the impression of an odd person without making the character arbitrary.

Mitchs98 said:
to describe them being above every single other being in their particular realm.
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this feels.... Presumptuous, to say the least. Above, how?

Mitchs98 said:
Fear not, I dislike generic angels and demons myself
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I have quite the opposite problem. The idea of a "good demon" is nonsensical, since demons are by definition, beings that oppose God, that is, good itself.

Mitchs98 said:
As for the personality issues, I'd intended to edit it but never got around to it. I probably will before I use her IC. As for the rest, Limbo is not your typical 'State of Limbo/Death' place. Not at all. It's an entirely different thing created and named after the Stone God Limbo, the creator of the Plane Walkers that pre-exsisted human beings(Big in-depth lore thing, once again made by a friend). So the whole death aspect wouldn't work, at all, since it's not related. I definetely will edit her personality a tad though.
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The death thing was just an example. As long as you properly flaw her it is fine.

Mitchs98 said:
As for her wind powers, they can't auto kill at all. That's not how her powers work. You could very much think a more higher scale and better version of Air Bending. The air for the blade thingies is visible, and larger scale and continous attacks drain her magic fast. As does continous use of teleporting, it's not infinite d:
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for starters, there is no "fixed mana system" here. So, saying "it drains magic powers" is more or less "whenever I feel like it, she may or not be able to continue using them". That´s not really a price or limitation, now is it?


I will now list the exact problems with her abilities, quoting you, since it seems you want to take this on a case-by-case thing:


"Protective Magic: Basic knowledge of all protective spells."- What IS a protective spell? what defines it? Can she reflect? Can she only use one at a time? Can she use them more than once, over what period of time? How powerful are these spells? Etc...


"Angelic Shield: A purely defensive ability, surrounds Sarah in a barrier almost impossible to be broken by physical blows. Normal magic also has a hard time breaking it, but it is possible. Demonic magic is a sure fire way to counter it, however."- shouldn´t this be in the above?


"Angelic Barrier: Same as above, except she can cast it on others." - same deal


"Teleportation: Self explanatory. She can teleport herself and up to one other person up to 1 mile away."- how many times, at what pace?


"Wind Magic/Manipulation: Sarah now has full magic over such. Meaning she has the capability of cutting nearly anything with the wind itself as well as creating it amongst other uses."- an ability that can cut almost anything and can show up virtually anywhere constitutes auto kill, because it could show up right next to the enemy and slice them in half, which would be both unavoidable and nearly impossible to survive.


"Healing Magic: Nuff said."- nuff said? How about to what extent she can heal? Does she require anything to heal? Can she heal any type of wound? Can she heal someone on the go? Can she heal herself? If so, can she heal others?


"Plane Walking: Allows the user to walk through most planes, impossible to do so in combat." - what are these "planes"? Can she bring anything in her travels? How about someone?
 
Decay said:
@Idea
Thank you, that was brilliant criticism, I will try to amend my error's.
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your welcome, glad I could help.


Note: In your CS, several times, you wrote "quite" instead of "quiet". You should fix that.
 
@Idea


I have updated Cecil and TBH i think it is aloh better, Take a look if you want. I just want to thank you for your Criticism.
 
Decay said:
@Idea
I have updated Cecil and TBH i think it is aloh better, Take a look if you want. I just want to thank you for your Criticism.
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again, you´re welcome. I agree, the character made quite an improvement. I am still a little weary about the personality, but it will really depend on execution more than anything else.
 
I don´t know why this happens. Lately, all RPs I´m in start really late and I end up getting behind because I need to sleep, only to wake up and everyone is taken.
 
ianbabyyy said:
I'm sorry :( I wish Allan wasn't otherwise occupied. And that I wasn't a complete night owl.
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it´s ok. I´m actually a night owl too, but at two in the morning is kind of a line that has to be drawn when you´re in exam period.
 
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