Fantasy The Black Ravine Hunt [OOC]

[Plutia]

The Character sheet kinda feels overwhelming.

 

[AnonyMouse]

Which country is your character from? If it's Eadigia our characters may have crossed paths before! Which... wouldn't bode well for my character, but that'd make it a lot more interesting!

Now that the lore is up, I'm pretty sure she'd be Chubican. And I'm thinking of making her the black sheep of the family, someone who doesn't agree with how her parents acquired such wealth. They profited off of the war while she ran away to be a healer or something. I think I like the sound of that...

The Character sheet kinda feels overwhelming.

How so?

 

[Felix Asher]

Now that the lore is up, I'm pretty sure she'd be Chubican. And I'm thinking of making her the black sheep of the family, someone who doesn't agree with how her parents acquired such wealth. They profited off of the war while she ran away to be a healer or something. I think I like the sound of that...

Oh okay- it was worth a shot But that sounds cool!

 

[VioletShadow]

I'll take a while to have my CS up- is that alright? I have a final tomorrow so I'll write it up after that's done with!

Don't worry about it ^^ I'll only write the opening post after we have at least 3-5 people ready to go, with their character sheets completed.

 

[VioletShadow]

AI10100 I love your character sheet, it is well developed with key weaknesses. I have approved your CS, and will add you to the character list once I get home. Although I've only read it once over so I may have missed something. I'll look at it again once I return from college: doing things on my phone isn't my preference xP

 

[AI10100]

Now that the lore is up, I'm pretty sure she'd be Chubican. And I'm thinking of making her the black sheep of the family, someone who doesn't agree with how her parents acquired such wealth. They profited off of the war while she ran away to be a healer or something. I think I like the sound of that...

Oh! If your character is Chubican and a healer, maybe Alois and her would have crossed paths? She is sometimes allowed to take trips to accompany her sister (who's a healer) across the country to aid with the effort to heal the wounded. Though it's perfectly fine if you don't want to.

AI10100 I love your character sheet, it is well developed with key weaknesses. I have approved your CS, and will add you to the character list once I get home. Although I've only read it once over so I may have missed something. I'll look at it again once I return from college: doing things on my phone isn't my preference xP

Thanks! I'll be sure to edit anything that seems out of place or wrong once you've looked it over. And doing things on phone is a nightmare to be honest. Laptop is forever life.

 

[BlueJay1403]

BlueJay1403 I don't have much time to properly dissect your CS right now, but I'll write what I can think of for the moment.

• Firstly, is it alright if we change the race name of 'Vixen' to 'Kitsune'? It's just what I'm used to pertaining to fox-humans. If you really want to keep it that way, that's kewl too ^^
• Not everyone plays D&D or is too familiar with it, so I'd like you to add a description of Tieflings to your CS as well.
• I can work with the fact that your character is merely 8 years old, however, his abilities are far too powerful for someone of that age. Therefore you either change the age of your character, or you nerf his abilities.
• If you're going to create something as significant as a buffer zone, I'd need more details on it. Why has Haystack not been taken over by the empire or the kingdom? How does it maintain its peace?
• The creatures that came out of the ravine weren't soldiers, they were adaptable man-eating creatures.
• You've got many characteristics in the wrong places, 'skilled' and 'intelligent' are not personality traits, 'inexperienced' isn't a personality flaw, his dislike of 'bullies' and 'racist people' is a bit obvious, because who doesn't? But I guess you can keep that there.
• I don't mind dual personalities, as long as you keep it in moderation(aka don't make him become everyone at once)
• Explain all of his spells in more detail, how did he learn about crystal magic? How on earth does he manage to take out and extort crucial chemicals from the body?, and how did he learn this? How did he gain his 'all or nothing' spell? None of the spells really relate to each other or form a connection to his backstory. These all need to be nerfed/given a degree of power.
• People arn't just born with super amazing sensitive hearing that can hear from miles away. At least give some explanation. This also needs to be nerfed.
• His extreme intelligence is too vague and general. You can't just know everything all the time when you're 8 years old. I don't mind him being slightly more well-versed in a single subject, e.g. biology, but he can't be an expert.
• His lack of empathy is not an ability weakness. That goes in the personality flaws section. Add another weakness.
• How did he learn how to be a rogue? It's not even mentioned in his backstory. He shouldn't even have any combat experience.

Fix/address all of these points then perhaps I will accept your CS. Likes/loves from me(on your character sheet) indicate acceptance.

Yeah, the first draft was rushed in the hour before the WiFi turned off, so my writing probably wasn't in peak condition.
I believe I've fixed everything you pointed out, correct me if I'm wrong. One thing: I would prefer if the race stayed as 'Vixen' because it's my race and it bears some difference to Kitsunes in lore, factoring in height and general approach. If it would be best to change it, that's fine but I would prefer that my name stayed.

 

[VioletShadow]

wafflegirl Your CS dissection:
-First of all, I have to say I love this phrase 'classic chubican music'
-The two dislikes of 'family dinners' and 'Anything outside the comfort of her home' seems a bit contradictory
-Her dislikes of 'loud noises' and 'anything outside the comfort of her home' seem like reasons why she wouldn't volunteer to enter a den of dangerous monsters and fighting which will undoubtedly be kind of loud.
-'She doesn't like it when she does things or if someone orders her without any concrete reason' this seems a bit redundant, who does like this kind of thing?
-I assume that her not liking commoners can be seen as quite snobby?
-voiding: this ability needs a bit of a nerf/restriction, how far can the distance between the two portals be? How many can she make in a short period of time before she begins to feel dizzy?
-illusionism: needs a restriction of some sort, based on reading it, it makes me think that she could just drown everyone whenever she wants to lol
other than that I like your character idea! It has a lot of potential for character development, maybe she could grow to appreciate commoners one day xP

 

[VioletShadow]

Yeah, the first draft was rushed in the hour before the WiFi turned off, so my writing probably wasn't in peak condition.
I believe I've fixed everything you pointed out, correct me if I'm wrong. One thing: I would prefer if the race stayed as 'Vixen' because it's my race and it bears some difference to Kitsunes in lore, factoring in height and general approach. If it would be best to change it, that's fine but I would prefer that my name stayed.

No problem! It happens ^^ Of course that's fine too, Vixens they are then xP

I have looked over your CS once more and everything seems great! As he grows older it'll be interesting to see how such a young impressionable mind will adapt ^^ Your character has been approved.

 

[VioletShadow]

AI10100 Yup, your CS is perfectly fine. It has been doubly looked over and approved xP

I'll add all the lore you guys have written onto the lore thread, sometime soon anyway. I feel like I've read too many words all in one go, three whole character sheets xD I'll also definitely get to creating that character list ^^

 

[BlueJay1403]

AI10100 Yup, your CS is perfectly fine. It has been doubly looked over and approved xP

I'll add all the lore you guys have written onto the lore thread, sometime soon anyway. I feel like I've read too many words all in one go, three whole character sheets xD I'll also definitely get to creating that character list ^^

Thanks! Also, the reason I named the village Haystack was because of a joke that because of Jason's small size, he was known as the Needle of Haystack, both in the village and in an underground thieves' network.

 

[BlueJay1403]

Another thing that I should probably add to the CS, now that I think about it is that because of his cuteness, Jason was treated more as a pet, something to show off rather than a servant.

 

[VioletShadow]

Thanks! Also, the reason I named the village Haystack was because of a joke that because of Jason's small size, he was known as the Needle of Haystack, both in the village and in an underground thieves' network.

Hah, that's cute, Haystack fits as a decent village name too ^^

Another thing that I should probably add to the CS, now that I think about it is that because of his cuteness, Jason was treated more as a pet, something to show off rather than a servant.

Interesting, I wonder how he adapted to that, rather than being a servant. The actual forced labourers must have been jealous, the mix of envious and adoring looks could make anyone grow up funny O.o

 

[BlueJay1403]

I mean, it was really only his parents and him serving that family. Most of the Vixen found in the forest were either sold off to other villages, imported into the kingdom's less reputable guilds or some of the more powerful ones were just killed. Not sure that there would be many people there to get jealous.

 

[VioletShadow]

I mean, it was really only his parents and him serving that family. Most of the Vixen found in the forest were either sold off to other villages, imported into the kingdom's less reputable guilds or some of the more powerful ones were just killed. Not sure that there would be many people there to get jealous.

Understandable, though still I wonder if being treated as a pet rather than a servant is worse mentally O.o

 

[BlueJay1403]

Yeah, but considering how I built his personality, he probably didn't notice and just liked that people treated him semi-decently as opposed to shooting him for defending himself like the ones he was told stories of by his mother.

 

[VioletShadow]

Yeah, but considering how I built his personality, he probably didn't notice and just liked that people treated him semi-decently as opposed to shooting him for defending himself like the ones he was told stories of by his mother.

I'm sure you know your character better than me, good to see you've thought him through ^^

 

[BlueJay1403]

I'm looking forward to this, as it seems people care a lot more about character building and development than 90% of this website.

 

[VioletShadow]

I'm looking forward to this, as it seems people care a lot more about character building and development than 90% of this website.

I'm glad to hear that you're looking forward to it ^^ This is the first roleplay I've GMed or be in charge of, so do tell me if I make mistakes. Although there is an emphasis on character development, don't feel pressured to have to write loads for it. Quality over quantity, as they say. This was meant to be a more casual roleplay anyway ^^

I also apologize if I seem a little slow at responding, I've recently started college and I'm still adjusting to it, as well as the one and half hour journey to and back :')

 

[wafflegirl]

wafflegirl Your CS dissection:
-First of all, I have to say I love this phrase 'classic chubican music'
-The two dislikes of 'family dinners' and 'Anything outside the comfort of her home' seems a bit contradictory
-Her dislikes of 'loud noises' and 'anything outside the comfort of her home' seem like reasons why she wouldn't volunteer to enter a den of dangerous monsters and fighting which will undoubtedly be kind of loud.
-'She doesn't like it when she does things or if someone orders her without any concrete reason' this seems a bit redundant, who does like this kind of thing?
-I assume that her not liking commoners can be seen as quite snobby?
-voiding: this ability needs a bit of a nerf/restriction, how far can the distance between the two portals be? How many can she make in a short period of time before she begins to feel dizzy?
-illusionism: needs a restriction of some sort, based on reading it, it makes me think that she could just drown everyone whenever she wants to lol
other than that I like your character idea! It has a lot of potential for character development, maybe she could grow to appreciate commoners one day xP

-Okay, I think I'll change the "anything outside the comfort of her home" to "the comfort of her room"
-She won't necessarily have to volunteer since her father will actually force her to join for "family honor" in replacement of her dead brother. I will clarify it in the first appearance of the character in the main rp.
-Yeah, guess I'll delete that.
-yep, she's pretty snobby lol
-The farthest the portal can go is 1.5 kilometer (from where she is). Distance really depends on how the powerful a mage is, and since she just finished school, she's not that powerful.
-Her illusions are based on her experiences. Like she can't drown a person if she didn't experience drowning(this is such a bad example lol). This is because her illusions focuses on the senses and to be able to create an illusion, she must recall her past experiences and remember what she felt, saw, heard, etc.

 

[Captain Spooks]

Just gonna jump in here
This looks pretty interesting, I'll try to get my character up tomorrow.

 

[Plutia]

@ AnonyMouse

I dunno, maybe it's just me. Like there's lots of stuff to put down and I'm afraid of messing up again.

 

[VioletShadow]

Felix Asher Your character has been approved ^^ Will be interesting to witness him in combat with his wide mix of various combat techniques xP

 

[VioletShadow]

-Okay, I think I'll change the "anything outside the comfort of her home" to "the comfort of her room"
-She won't necessarily have to volunteer since her father will actually force her to join for "family honor" in replacement of her dead brother. I will clarify it in the first appearance of the character in the main rp.
-Yeah, guess I'll delete that.
-yep, she's pretty snobby lol
-The farthest the portal can go is 1.5 kilometer (from where she is). Distance really depends on how the powerful a mage is, and since she just finished school, she's not that powerful.
-Her illusions are based on her experiences. Like she can't drown a person if she didn't experience drowning(this is such a bad example lol). This is because her illusions focuses on the senses and to be able to create an illusion, she must recall her past experiences and remember what she felt, saw, heard, etc.

Good stuff! Just let me know when you've edited your CS, so I can review it again ^^

 

[VioletShadow]

Captain Spooks darkborn BlueJay1403 Felix Asher Plutia AnonyMouse AI10100 wafflegirl

I have updated the lore with various bits of information, either from your character sheets, or from answers to questions that were asked ^^ Keep in mind that every lore post has been edited xP