Fandom Tale of Two Survivors { The Last of Us 1x1 with icedthemoon }

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

He felt Nate lean into him, into the hug, but he didn't return it. That hurt more than Alex cared to admit, but he supposed he deserved it. They'd survived so far together and Alex would get them to Washington, that was the deal. No matter what. He didn't want to spend the next month or more depending on how long it takes for them to get back on track, with this tension, this silence. "I'm still here, I'm not going anywhere. I promised I'd guide you remember? I'll guide you wherever you want to go, no matter what happens" Alex said. He didn't know how to acknowledge the last part of that sentence. So he left it alone. ​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

His arms dangled like broken strings. Fingers wanted to swing upward, but there was no wind, and they forgot how to move.
Things were going to have to change. They could not keep going with him living in his own little world like this. He needed to open his eyes and live in the world everyone else lived in. He was going to have to learn to survive if he wanted to move forward in the direction that they were going. There were more hunters out there who could track them, and with the way that he was for the last several hours, he would not be surprised if he was easily tracked. He should have paid more attention when he was younger. Picked up on the skills even if he did not like them.

Slowly, he brought one arm up, hooked his hand around the arm around him, and then brought up the other. His fingers squeezed the muscle that kept him safe. The muscle he could have lost.

“Okay.” This was where things changed. “No more secrets.” Even if those weren’t really secrets, they were. They were things that Alex needed to know. If he had known, he could have planned for an ambush better than they did. He may have promised that after the bite, but this did not feel the same. That was something he knew he should have told but didn’t. He didn’t really consider these things to tell. But he knew why. He knew why he needed to look out for them and their safety.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex continued to hold onto Nate, his protective nature coming out and trying to comfort him. He felt Nate hook his hands on Alex's arms and he smiled. Alex listened to Nate's words and could only believe him. Believe that he was being honest. "I trust you. From here on out, no secrets between us, from either of us" He said, implying that he too would tell Nate everything that mattered where it concerned their safety.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

“No more secrets,” he repeated as the tension in his body began to wane. No more holding himself up either. He rested his cheek against Alex’s and let out a breath he did not think he was holding. “Okay.” Unwillingly he pulled himself from the hug he wished could last forever. His eyes lingered on the knives between them before he moved on to the pack. He pulled off the torn sleeping bag, tossed it aside, and began to rummage through. Was this the right time? There was never going to be a right time. “I hate all forms of murder,” he started. It wasn’t a confession. Alex already knew this. It was not only evident but obvious since it was this that got them there. “But I hate these the most.” He reached down into the bag and pulled out the thing he tried to ignore most days. Sometimes, instead, he pulled it out and stared at it for hours. Remembering. He recentered himself, staring down at the pistol. “It’s got two shots left. I didn’t take the extra rounds with me.” He let those rot with the bodies. “I didn’t even want the two in it. But I can’t bring myself to take them out.” What if he needs them again? “This was Ben’s. He knew how much I hate them, but that didn’t stop him from having it. I guess that was good, because there was nothing quicker to use than this.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex felt Nate press his cheek against Alex’s and smiled. Things were looking better, the tension seeming to disappear. Alex felt Nate pull away from the hug and let him. He leaned back on his heels and watched as Nate grabbed his pack. Alex already knew that Nate hated any form of murder, but he wasn’t expecting him to pull out a pistol. Alex didn’t like guns, but if he had to, he knew how to use them. He preferred his bow, quiet and quick. “Why do you keep it? Is just to torture yourself?” Alex couldn’t help himself from asking. The words just coming out before he thought about it. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.” He quickly added.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

He thought about that. He wondered the same thing. Over the past however long it was, he asked himself a million times why he didn’t get rid of it. He even made up his mind a hundred times to do so, but then when he looked at it, he never did. “To remember,” he finally answered, playing with the object in his hands. Inspecting it. “To remember that it was his. To remember him. To remember them. To remember what I did. To remember what they needed me to do.” He paused, willing the words to keep going. “To remember that it was mercy.” His eyes flickered up then, knowing what he said could strike a chord between them. “That killing them was a mercy.” He dropped it between them in the pile of implements used to end lives. “To justify it every time I think I did the wrong thing."
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex listened, nodding. That made sense when it was explained. Remembering what Nate had told him not so long ago. How he’d ended his brother’s lives because they’d been bitten. “You gave them the most peaceful way possible. Before they lost their minds to the infection. Mercy like that is no weakness but a strength.” Alex said. “You did the right thing then, saving them like you saved me. It may be a different type of save, but a save nonetheless.” He added gently.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

“I don’t like to hate. It’s so strong. It consumes you.” Nate always thought that he was so good at being positive. He always thought that he could settle for upset not inconsolable. Frustrated and not furious. When it came to something like hate, he tried never to have that. “But I hate that.” He stared at it laying against the knives. “And sometimes I hate the infected more than anything else in the whole world. And that’s not fair to them.” He narrowed his eyes as he spoke. “And today. Today I hated that hunter.” Because he did. He could end that life to save Alex’s, because it was easier to do something like that when he hates. “So that’s where we are. That’s where we sit.” He sucked in a breath. “But that doesn’t mean I get to react like that. Because that’s how I get eaten by hate.” He rubbed his hands against the legs of his pants like he was trying to wipe something away. “So we work on surviving.” He almost smiled. Almost. “And sometimes, you have to survive first. And sometimes you have to take that one life to save all the lives that one would have taken.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

He agreed completely. Hate had no place in someone. It was a disease that ate someone up, leaving a broken shell behind. “Hate has its place, sometimes it makes it just a little easier to do what needs to be done. What has to be done to survive.” Alex agreed. “If we need to use hate, we must know how to release it after. When the moment has passed, find a grounder. Take my hand, touch a tree, something positive that can push the remains of the hatred away.” Alex said. Sometimes using hate was needed, but it was the ability to let go of it that was required. Survival is messy, but what part of life isn’t, especially for them. ​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex’s words hit somewhere inside him that he could not describe. Somewhere deep and somewhere right at the surface. Somewhere that needed those words. Nate reached forward and took a hand. Something positive. He wasn’t angry with Alex. He was not sure that he had been at all. He was angry with himself. He was angry with a world that felt so unforgiving. But was he ever really angry with Alex? He was not sure. He peered at their hands, and muttered, “my guiding light,” before nodding to himself and sighing. “Okay. grounding.” Grounded. “Okay,” he repeated, a plan forming. “Okay.” A plan that he should have come up with before. “You’re gonna teach me how to climb a tree, and I’m gonna teach you combat without your bow.” Because that was what he should have done the second Alex hurt his back. “And I’m going to show you how we are going to show them mercy when you’re on the ground with me.” He took his free hand and touched different parts of his own body. “Quick, less painful, less messy.” He paused and looked towards Alex and finally smiled. “And we survive. Together.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex looked at Nate as he took his hand. He smiled at Nate as he heard Nate mutter, he was too close to not hear it. Yes, grounded. Reconnect. “Okay.” Alex echoed. “I can fight without my bow, I’m just not great. And I will teach you how to climb.” Alex confirmed. He was not so sure on the mercy part. It went against everything he was, everything he’d been trained to do, trained to be. He did not comment on that part, not wishing to ruin that beautiful smile he saw finally come back onto Nate’s face. “Yes, survive. Together” Alex affirmed.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

His smile widened as Alex talked. He liked his voice. It wrapped him in shrouds that shielded him from the harsh winds. “Yeah,” he began, almost forgetting where his brain was stuck a moment before, “I know. But if you were to pick up that knife right now, could you kill me without me even having a chance to react?” It was a layered question. “Or could you hit the right nerve to daze someone long enough to get where you needed to take them down? Or, if you’re in a far more desperate situation, could you temporarily paralyze them so that you can actually do what you have to do as quickly and painlessly as possible?” This was an art that he spent years perfecting. If he was going to have to end lives, he would do it better than the monsters. “I know you can move those arms like lightning. You pulled that up and took those runners out before I even rolled over. No weaknesses. Only strengths.” He leaned forward, forehead against Alex’s. “Also, I’ve been told I like to spout knowledge, so if you’re going to be stuck with me, you’ll have to appease my nerdy brain.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex’s eyes widened as he listened to Nate. He really didn’t know much about hand to hand combat it seemed. “No.. I don’t.” Was all Alex could manage to get out of his mouth. He realized just how much he’d come to rely on his bow. Alex had never been one for hand to hand anyway, he learned the basics of wielding a knife and a gun, but he didn’t know much past that. He smiled when Nate rested his forehead against Alex’s and chuckled. “Sounds like a deal to me.” He said.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

“Can I tell you a secret? I mean, it’s not my secret to tell, but he can’t stop me.” Nate shifted, the smile only ever getting bigger. “Ben couldn’t either. It would make him so angry that he could have this full out fist fight with someone, and win of course, but then I could go up, and as long as I had strategy behind me- aka, I could sneak up behind them – I could win in significantly less time. Of course, if it ever came to a real fight, I would probably be toast. Squashed, Nate-sized toast.” He let out another deep breath and collapsed into Alex much like he had done plenty of times before. “I am exhausted. I would love to stop being the reason that we find ourselves in tense camp conversations.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex shook his head, listening as Nate talked. He could listen to Nate talk for hours, and not get bored. “So you’re good at sneaking up, but maybe we should work on your actual fighting skills then hm?” Alex again, not the greatest at hand to hand, but he had strength in his throws, which helped some times, rare some times. “I could see you being Nate-sized toast. Probably be better than beans” Alex teased, laughing as Nate collapsed into him like he’d done several times before. “Hopefully we’ve got everything straightened out now and we don’t need these conversations anymore. Now, I guess we’re sharing a blanket because your sleeping bag looks a little worse for wear.” Alex said, noticing the bag.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Nate groaned from wherever it was he fell, and attempted to throw up his arms which did not work out so well. “Probably should, because otherwise you’ll be eating Nate toast and beans. I don’t know how I would taste as toast, but it probably be a whole lot like iron because of the immense squashing that will have occurred.” He tried to turn his face so that he could see up at Alex, and when that proved to be difficult, he flat out let himself slump all the way to the floor and rolled himself over. He haphazardly kicked at the sleeping bag he tossed aside earlier before hooking it on his foot to examine it from his floor-laying position. “I feel like some of it is salvageable? It’s perhaps not a full-on sleeping bag anymore. Maybe a second blanket? The parts that were inside ignored all that rude slashing she did. But,” he smiled up at Alex, eyes alight with a tinkle from stars above them now. “I don’t mind sharing if you don’t."
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex laughed when he heard the groan. He shook his head with a smile as he listened to him. It amused him how he can make anything seem funny. He watched as Nate rolled onto the floor, and then watched as he managed to snag it with his foot. “So we lay on mine and use yours as a blanket. I don’t mind sharing.” Alex said. In fact he’d gotten the best sleep laying beside Nate. ​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Nate pulled the now second blanket towards him, debating on whether or not he should feel sad for the loss of something he had for so long. He sat up, at a strange angle now that he’s gotten all twisted in his descent down, and leaned his shoulder against Alex’s. “I like this plan, by the way. It’s a good, solid plan.” He lowered his head a little. “I am sorry. I won’t be so snippy next time. You don’t deserve that.” He raised his eyes, little grin with peppered red across his cheeks. “So, when I feel like having some sort of traumatic break, I’ll make sure to time it for the worst time and also act in some arguably dangerous fashion, okay?” He patted Alex’s cheek before popping up, too fast for previously bleeding injuries, and shoveled the objects of his manic depression back into his pack.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex looked over at Nate with a small smile, watching him pulling the second blanket before he sat up and leaned against Alex’s shoulder. Alex looked down at Nate and sighed softly. “It’s a good plan for sure.” He said, before turning his attention towards the woods. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s not the first time someone’s gotten short with me.” Alex said with a small laugh. Then he shook his head, hearing Nate’s next words. “Sounds good to me.” Alex grinned, blushing at the pat on the cheek before frowning at how fast Nate got up. “Will you slow down? I just cleaned your bleeding wounds, I don’t need you reopening them.” Alex told him.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

He should clean the two knives, but there was no point now. He could clean them as they moved tomorrow. He was too tired now, and he would probably accidentally create his own gashes when not paying enough attention. Since that sounded like a terrible thing to do, he decided that his first thought was the best plan. Clean while moving. That he could do. Sleep now.

He paused, as he held the gun in his hands. The gun he had only ever used twice, and he would probably never use again. He closed his eyes and conjured up the image of the two of them, sitting in that camp they made. Ben smiling like someone just told the funniest joke and Max looking as cool and even keel as ever. “What about when you are asleep? Then you won’t be awake to know it’s coming, and it will be an easy passing.” “You’d never be able to do it. You need someone to help you get through.”

He dropped the pistol into the pack, turned around, and threw his arms around Alex. His turn to initiate the embrace. He pulled him close, arms gripped so tight like he was afraid to fall, and that was because he was. “But if I keep reopening them, you’ll have to keep cleaning them.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex watched as Nate looked at the knives, keeping an even gaze. He saw Nate pick up the gun, then like he was in a trance, pause before putting it in the pack. Alex wasn’t expecting the hug, not expecting Nate to bring him into a tight embrace. He wrapped his arms around Nate and hugged him back just as tight. It was as though it was them again, just the two of them. As it was meant to be. “If you want a back rub, you don’t have to keep reopening them to get it.” Alex teased, his chin on Nate’s shoulder.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Nate was glad that in intimate embraces, it was very difficult for each participant to see the other. Nate’s entire face washed with a wave of red at Alex’s answer. He did not need Alex seeing just how easily he could do that to him. There was no reason to be ashamed, but he felt that pull to hide it anyway. Was he embarrassed? Maybe. Did it matter when they were the only two people in the world in this together? Probably not. Was he going to shove his face into Alex’s shoulder anyway? Sure was.

“Okay, sure, if you want to do something that makes sense.” His words were muffled from the burying that he did. So he extricated himself and kept talking. “Besides, that’s not fun to just tell you what I want. What if I want to play coy and make up excuses to keep you close?”

Yep, and that was how he knew it probably needed to be bedtime. He was far too emotionally drained to be careful what he was saying and was far too close to their recent confessional moment. Bedtime. He shied away again, hoping that maybe Alex didn’t read into that too much, and began to pull away from what could now be an awkward hug if they let that happen.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex could feel Nate bury himself in his shoulder and smiled. His face red as he listened to him. Why was everything this man does so adorable? Alex had no idea how he did it, but he would take it. “You can whatever you like to keep me close. I’m not leaving anytime soon.” Alex said with a playful tone. He was starting to feel the exhaustion in his own bones. He didn’t want to let go of Nate. He almost tried to hold on to him when Nate pulled away.

Alex sighed and let him go, grabbing his blanket and spreading it on the ground. He moved from where he’d been knelt and laid down on it. “I’m ready for bed, are you?” He asked. It was time to put this crazy day behind them. They’d reach South Dakota tomorrow and move west from there. He just wasn’t sure if he wanted to go back up to Montana or have them work their way through Wyoming and Idaho to Oregon.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly | 21 | Current location ;; North Dakota

“Oh, I am beyond ready for that,” Nate answered, not really able to hide the amount that he was done with the day they just had. He had certainly had better, but all things considered, he’d had worse. Much worse. “If we don’t go to bed now, I’ll just keep talking and then I’ll just embarrass myself more.” He shook his head, grabbing at the second blanket that once was a sleeping bag- something he might work to fix later or at least get working as a better blanket- and tossed in onto Alex’s prone form. He stared down at him a moment, thinking about everything he had, everything he lost, and everything that didn’t make a lick of sense, and then decided that this was also best saved for a time when he wasn’t the kind of emotional where he might start making poor decisions. He already made so many today alone, so he would avoid that now. Tomorrow was a new day, so the quota was bigger.

He bent down and crawled beneath the blanket, suddenly unsure where to put himself. How much space did they leave between. Obviously, the blankets only had so much, so that was that. But, what about between the edges? This had not been so confusing the night before. So he settled on almost touching but not. He wanted so badly to close that gap, but if he were Alex, it wouldn’t blame him for wanting his space. Who wouldn’t after what Nate just put him through?
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; North Dakota

Alex laughed as Nate talked. “Is that so? Can’t have anymore embarrassing moments.” Alex said. He looked up at Nate when he threw the second blanket on top of Alex. He shifted the blankets so that Nate could lay down. He saw how unsure Nate was when he laid down. Alex shifted so he was looking at Nate, intentionally closing the gap between them. He didn’t want space, he wanted Nate. And so he did what he could to get what he wanted without making Nate uncomfortable. “We’ll be in South Dakota tomorrow. For now, let’s get some rest. Okay?” Alex asked, looking at Nate with a small smile on his face.​