???☆Hoshi
N/A
Species Death Golem
Partner Eloise Keegan
Rank Two-Star
Location Western European Branch HQ, Canterbury, England
Mission A Reflection of Question
Status Relaxed
Partner Eloise Keegan
Rank Two-Star
Location Western European Branch HQ, Canterbury, England
Mission A Reflection of Question
Status Relaxed
"With all due respect, Maria, I do feel the need to embrace a different identity," he replied, focusing in on Maria. He was still calm and collected, there wasn't a fire behind him with a means to debate the topic. He did at least want to explain himself.
"I've struggled with who I am for years... I don't think it's something you can really understand until you experience it," he told her, "and I hope you never have to.
"She only touched me for a brief moment, but in that moment, I felt what she felt. She meant every word she said. She was adamant in who she was--or who she wasn't. She's one of the few people that can actually relate, and I guess... when I was faced with her logic and her conviction, her answer just felt more correct," he explained, trying to give Maria some idea of what he went through and why he switched to the way of thinking his former partner provided.
"Really, though, I don't think I was ever given a name. Midori was named by his parents. Eros gave me that same name when I was to take the place of the old Midori. Kidd never gave me a name, though. He saved my life and gave me a little bit of his own soul, but he didn't give me a name. He never told me to keep being Midori or to be someone new. So in this life, I've never been given a name or a direction," he added, though this time he was making a play on the words Maria used. She said Midori was the name he was given, but he didn't feel that was accurate.
"And, I would probably like to stay within the realm of my culture... I know I still feel Japanese. I know I still feel like a Hoshi. Just not like Midori," he went on, transitioning from what the rest of the group had chipped in.
"Shigai is a touch on the nose. I'm not a huge fan of names that follow the trend of Kuro. It means black or dark, in general, and when you put Kuro beside Hoshi, it just comes out to Dark Star, which was my old stage name. That also feels wrong," he said, audibly going over some of the suggestions that were pitched. He was being picky, but it was in fact his name.
"We can get to name ideas in a minute. There's something a lot more important I think we need to address," he said, halting the discussion on the current topic to switch to a new one. With this abrupt subject change came a new refocus. Up to this point, he had mostly been engaging Maria with some references to what Zosar and Elly pitched as ideas. However, Wren was a much larger concern at the moment. Not because she was dangerous, but because it seemed she was electing to repress the majority of her feelings here. That would only make things worse in the long run.
He approached her. Soft, confident, perhaps cocky smile. He was never good at conveying his emotions deliberately, but he did have quite the concern for her. What she went through was traumatizing, to say the least. He knew that. He had seen it plenty. He had more experience than anyone present; he knew all too well what side-effects her outbreak could cause. Not only that, just how quickly she was knocked out by that collar. He knew that feeling, too.
"You went through something intense. We haven't had a chance for you to stop by your normal therapist and decompress. You also ended up with new accessories as a result..." he said, acknowledging her situation. "We can sit and talk about the what-if's of Fae all day, but we need to put ourselves first. Zosar might have a few scars, but his body was healed. It's not the same for a soul..."
He inhaled, then looked up, lazily letting his eyes stare up and over to the left. "I want to share something. I've never had a Madness Outbreak, but I did go through something. Like I said before, I died and was brought back. It changed who I thought I was and I've been struggling with it ever since," he told her, "but it used to be worse."
"I was part of the Paean Program. Think if it was the beta testing for the F.A.T.E. Program. Some of the people from that program really helped me... and I would have never expected it," he went on.
"One good example, since a few of you have met him. Guy name Gav. I used to fucking hate him, you see. He's a competitive guy. Saw me as a Hoshi and always wanted to prove he was better. Eventually, I figured out what his issue was. He's a regular old human that comes from a line of powerful Witches. Cousin of Rand, actually; the guy that trained Maria. He had a complex about it. So I indulged him. Duel after duel after duel, almost always with me winning," he told her, going into his story-telling mode.
"But, then came that life-changing event for me. I was an Autonomous Weapon at the time. No partner. Gav wasn't there, either. Probably for the best. See, I was supposed to help guard an envoy of Little Witches. It's a whole complex thing; some real powerful Witches go through a transition because their young bodies can't hold all their power. That's exactly what Eros wanted. When the time was right, he took control of me and tried to assassinate those Witches. I guess the idea was that killing them and the wedge it might drive between the DWMA and Wiccan Council was more valuable than having me spy..." he admitted, going into some details that he had thus far only shared with Elly. Even Zosar wasn't enlightened on these details.
"I killed two other Agents before I was put down. I didn't end up doing what Eros wanted. I wasn't killed immediately, but the influence of Eros was purged from me... thing was, his magic was all that was holding my soul together. Kidd came and fixed it by giving me a tiny piece of his--that's why I respect him. He's almost like family, in a way."
He was going to say more, but stopped. The words were stolen right out of his mouth.
"It was rough. I was alone. A prisoner, not unlike Zosar a few months back. No one trusted me, no one wanted anything to do with me. I had my life, but my career was looking bleak..."
"Then Gav came out of the woodworks. Apparently, he had asked about my condition and had his family get on it. They were sure I was no longer a threat with Eros purged from me, so he was, too. Gav, as annoying as he was, as much as I hated that all he saw me as was a Hoshi, came around and made sure I wasn't entirely alone. He said he knew what it was like to ostracized like that. Being a guy with no Witch Genes from such a long familial line made him a black sheep, too," he said, still pouring out some of his life story.
"In my darkest days, I got help from someone I would have never expected. He wasn't the only one, but he was there. He went through the Paean Program, too. We both got our asses kicked by the same lady on Dall Island. We may have started out rocky, but we became friendly rivals over those shared adversities. It helped," he told her.
He returned to smiling. It had faded for some time when he went over some of the melancholy of his past, but it was back.
"You may be upset with the decision I made, and that's fine if you are. But, don't think you're alone. Even if it's not me, you're surrounded by people that are all struggling, too. Zosar, Elly, Maria--they all have their own battles and they're all on the same battlefield as you," he explained to her, his tone soft and his delivery very down to Earth. He was trying to be considerate, and more so, trying to make her aware that it was okay to open up about how she felt or what she went through.