Humor RpNation's Joke Thread

[Snowy Halation]

RKO outta nowhere!!!!!


[media]



[/media]

 

[welian]

Remember when memes and jokes used to be passed around by email? This is something old from my inbox that I just re-discovered.

RANK RECOGNITION MADE EASY






General


Faster than a speeding bullet.


More powerful than a locomotive.


Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.


Walks on water.


Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.



Colonel


Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.


More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.


Leaps short buildings with a single bound.


Walks on water if sea is calm.


Talks to God.



Lieutenant-Colonel


Faster than an energetically thrown rock.


Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.


Leaps short buildings with a running start in favorable winds.


Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.


May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.



Major


Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.


Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.


Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.


Swims well.


Is occasionally addressed by God, in passing.



Captain


Can sometimes handle firearm without shooting self.


Is run over by trains.


Barely clears outhouse.


Dog paddles.


Mumbles to self.



Lieutenant


Is dangerous to self and comrades if armed and unsupervised.


Recognizes trains two out of three times.


Runs into tall buildings.


Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of life jacket and water wings.


Talks to walls.



2nd Lieutenant


Can be trusted with either gun or ammunition but never both.


Must have train ticket pinned to jacket and mittens tied to sleeves.


Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter tall buildings.


Plays in Mud puddles.


Stutters.



Officer Cadet


Under no circumstances to be issued with gun or ammunition, and must even be closely supervised when handling sharp pieces of paper - staples are right out.


Says: "Look at choo choo!"


Not allowed inside buildings of any size.


Makes good boat anchor.


Mere existence makes God shudder.



Sergeant-Major


Catches hyper sonic armor piercing fin stabilized discarding sabot depleted uranium long rod penetrators in his teeth and eats them.


Kicks bullet trains off their tracks.


Uproots tall buildings and walk under them.


Freezes water with a single glance; parts it with trifling gesture.


Is God.

 

[razorrabbit]

All I really know are bad uncle jokes told when you're too young to fully understand them. But this looks like fun so I'll try it.


A woman is hiring a babysitter for her seven boys the babysitter asks for the boys names.


"Henry." The mother replies.


"Which one is Henry?" The babysitter asks.


"All of them."


"All of them? How do you get the attention of just one then?"


"Oh just call them by their last name."


That was horrible and I blame my uncle for that. I'll see myself out now.

 

[Servant]

Why did Ghost cross the road?


To get to the other side.

 

[Onezie Fellow]

And now, more skeleton jokes,


Skeleton 1: Dude, I heard you just got dumped by this girl only after the first date. What happened?


Skeleton 2: Well... everything went fine with the date and such, we went to the bed and...


Skeleton 1: And what?


Skeleton 2: And just before we were about to get to it, I couldn't pop a bone-r!


Skeleton 1: . . . . You're an idoit.


Skeleton 2: Dude, I'm serious. I even had trouble unhooked her verta-bra!


Skeleton 1: Stop.


Skeleton 2: But seriously, I might have a medical condition.

 

[LegoLad659]

I once had a party with some friends. I was supplying the silverware, but I only had knives and spoons. Not a single fork was given that day.


*Shot*

 

[Usuru]

"WHEN IN DOUBT, BS YOUR WAY OUT"

 

[Rantos]

Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream?

Spoiler

Because he was playing in the free way.


Why did little Sally fall of the swing?






Because she has no arms.


Ha ha... I'm a horrid person...

 

[MariasDitch]

I like anti-jokes omg


Why did the plane crash?

Spoiler

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread


My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a life ban from the New York Zoo

 

[Rantos]

Wonderful!

 

[Spinoceratopsrex]

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house


Why can't you hear a pterosaur go to the bathroom? The "P" is silent


What do you call a zoo with nothing but a dog? A shih-tzu


Jokes about aircraft aren't funny, they're plane hilarious


What did the the boy say when his dad wouldn't stop making bird puns? Toucan play at that game.


Knock Knock? Who's there? The chicken.

 

[LegoLad659]

Knock Knock? Who's there? The chicken.

This one is what got me xD I wasn't expecting that to happen.

 

[PressureCooker]

Helen Keller walks into a bar


and then a chair


and then a table.

 

[Las noches veteran]

Hmm joke joke.....okay okay here's one


There's two muffins in the oven, one says


"I have this revolutionary cure, it'll make everyone feel better, no wars, no death all will be super happy...wanna hear"


The other screams "AGHH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

 

[Onezie Fellow]

What do you call a black man on the moon?


An astronaut.

 

[J0ker]

[QUOTE="Onezie Fellow]What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut.

[/QUOTE]
Wouldn't he be an


Afronaut?


YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

 

[The Creator Prime]

Remember when memes and jokes used to be passed around by email? This is something old from my inbox that I just re-discovered.

RANK RECOGNITION MADE EASY






General


Faster than a speeding bullet.


More powerful than a locomotive.


Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.


Walks on water.


Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.



Colonel


Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.


More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.


Leaps short buildings with a single bound.


Walks on water if sea is calm.


Talks to God.



Lieutenant-Colonel


Faster than an energetically thrown rock.


Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.


Leaps short buildings with a running start in favorable winds.


Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.


May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.



Major


Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.


Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.


Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.


Swims well.


Is occasionally addressed by God, in passing.



Captain


Can sometimes handle firearm without shooting self.


Is run over by trains.


Barely clears outhouse.


Dog paddles.


Mumbles to self.



Lieutenant


Is dangerous to self and comrades if armed and unsupervised.


Recognizes trains two out of three times.


Runs into tall buildings.


Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of life jacket and water wings.


Talks to walls.



2nd Lieutenant


Can be trusted with either gun or ammunition but never both.


Must have train ticket pinned to jacket and mittens tied to sleeves.


Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter tall buildings.


Plays in Mud puddles.


Stutters.



Officer Cadet


Under no circumstances to be issued with gun or ammunition, and must even be closely supervised when handling sharp pieces of paper - staples are right out.


Says: "Look at choo choo!"


Not allowed inside buildings of any size.


Makes good boat anchor.


Mere existence makes God shudder.



Sergeant-Major


Catches hyper sonic armor piercing fin stabilized discarding sabot depleted uranium long rod penetrators in his teeth and eats them.


Kicks bullet trains off their tracks.


Uproots tall buildings and walk under them.


Freezes water with a single glance; parts it with trifling gesture.


Is God.

How do your ranks even work.

 

[Enixous]

Knock knock.


Who's there?


.........................


No one.


Because you have no friends.

 

[The Creator Prime]

@Aldur Forgehammer is my contribution to this discussion.

 

[Aldur]

@The Creator Prime[/URL] can't aim and throws me AWPs whenever I ask him, he's such a sweetie.

 

[The Creator Prime]

@The Creator Prime[/URL] can't aim and throws me AWPs whenever I ask him, he's such a sweetie.

Except when I actually do, and get triples and doubles all over the place.

 

[Pyosimros]

@The Creator Prime[/URL] can't aim and throws me AWPs whenever I ask him, he's such a sweetie.

I believe having one is a great AWPortunity.

 

[The Creator Prime]

I believe having one is a great AWPortunity.

I prefer USPsurping any AWPortunities, but @Aldur Forgehammer is too bae for that.

 

[Aldur]

God damn nerds

 

[The Creator Prime]

[QUOTE="Aldur Forgehammer]God damn nerds

[/QUOTE]
Ur nurd