Zer0
Haiku Hitman
- An Unlikely Talk -
" On the Back of a Dragon "
" On the Back of a Dragon "
The early morning was dim and cool. James' breath came out in mists and dew clung to the leather and metal of his damp armor. The forest was dark, and twigs snapped loudly under his heavy footsteps. He hailed the watchman of the Bowl Rock Camp and trudged into his tent where he slumped on his cot without changing.
He gazed through the gap in the flap at the Sea King's floating shrine where Lydia was probably sleeping. He turned on his back and drew up his blanket over himself, it was cold. Made him think of the times their company made camp in snowy places on the way here. Sometimes when he spotted Lydia reading, he'd come over and greet her with a hug and a kiss, tease her if she was embarrassed ("You're trembling. Are you nervous? You sound so cute when you try to speak, my dear." before he'd use girlfries, but it didn't sound as charming), lean his head on her cheek, nuzzle, and then stay that way with his arms wrapped around her waist as she read, just melting in her warmth and often ending up reading what she was reading too.
He knew that she was the best for him, but he had come to realize that it was his head telling him that, not his heart. He still liked Hailey, and it was confusing. He covered his eyes with his arms. Love happens at such a deep level beyond logic or reason that it was tough for him to figure out why he loves someone and clings to them even though that someone said she didn't even want to be friends with him anymore. Sometimes he wished he was like Renee, who always followed her heart and knew what she wanted at the get-go and went for it.
All night he'd been pondering why he still hadn't let Hailey go. He thought he was over her, yet the moment she hugged him crying in that dream, saying she was so scared and searched for him all over after she heard about the bombing during the King's assassination, crossed the Shoflo Ocean in a dingy just to see him after her summons threatened the information from some thugs, join the expedition to the Storm Wall and get together again, his heart leapt for joy. That passionate reunion was like a deleted scene in the rain from a romantic movie.
Then he turned his head before she could kiss him. Lydia's soft petal lips immediately came to mind when she came near, and he drew away saying that he met someone.
Lydia getting hurt from what he was doing popped into his head and he felt guilty. Yet, the prospect of being with Hailey again, experiencing the love that they had, he thought that this would make him happy the most. And he began to compare. On one hand Lydia's love was unlike he's ever experienced, honestly, who'd hold your hand and tell you they're going to help you snuff someone out, and then say they're your partner? Yet on the other hand, Hailey was the first girl he'd ever loved for real, and if he was honest with himself she was prettier and happier than Lydia and so at ease and spontaneous around him. It was like dating a good friend you've known for years and it was nice and easy being with someone who knew you in and out --- he could pick his nose in front of her and she wouldn't care.
But she doesn't like him anymore, the real Hailey. He hurt her too much with his self-centeredness. But what if he reached out to her once they were back on the other side of the Storm Wall and he apologized properly? He learned his lesson, he's even giving Seifer a chance. So maybe . . . maybe she'd take him back. And he won the tournament, he helped save Holt, he's on speaking terms with Princess MIa, and Prince Kenren of the Orients, surely she'd be impressed even a little bit and give him a chance?
But then, that means leaving Lydia. Lydia and the way her cheeks plump up when she smiles. Sure she doesn't talk a lot and doesn't share her problems with him much and whoever that guy was who touched her butt . . . and doesn't tell him what he can do to make her happy so he can't do anything for her that would really brighten up her day, and is often so timid, and lonely looking too without saying anything . . . James sighed. Yeah he doesn't know how to reach out to her to talk about these things, but when it comes to the deep things that really matters, Hailey could never compare to her. Hailey would be aghast that he agreed to kill a man and probably would look at him with fear.
* * * *
"And so, that's why I think I should try and give my all in making it work with Lydia, because I don't want to leave our relationship that could be better with a little work." James was yelling to Chenglei over the sound of the roaring wind whipping their faces on the back of Mizutsune.
"I'd rather break up permanently because there's no hope for the two of us, instead of because of someone --- or me. But then in the back of my mind I have this desire to talk to Hailey again and see if I still have a chance when we return to the other side of the Storm Wall. And don't worry about me stringing Lydia along, I broke up with her yesterday telling her I needed time to sort myself out." James sighed, melancholic.
"Have you ever had to choose between two girls, Chenglei?" he added to the swordsman.
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