Fandom Into the fire (1x1 MzHyde/Gallifrog)

[_gallifrog_]

"Yep, they are solid people, Toby's kinda chaotic and is physically incapable of walking for long distances like a normal person. Kane knows his stuff and makes excellent bunker tech support and a pretty decent field partner." Jay had taken a a long while to warm up to A.J's gang (just as they had to her). But she could respect them for their skills even if she didn't trust them as people. "Toby loves her food alright, and drives Kane up the wall some days by talking non-stop about good food she's eaten. So you only have to mention food and she'll be volunteering to eat it." Elliott smirked, remembering how Toby had basically taken the entire cake for herself, and guarded it like a mythological dragon would guard its hoard. "Kane's more reserved as a person, but yeah, he's sound. And not stuck-up about the serious amounts of money he's due to inherit. It's actually the opposite, for day to day living he makes his own money."

"Looks like I've got a lot of people to meet when I inevitably come for a visit." Cal had no doubt that she would go to Earth at some point or another, now that she knew where her brother was. There would also be a long skew of messages and memes sent too. "You do. But you'll like 'em, they collectively have the same traits as your gang of loons." "Spekaing if which, I might be able to introduce you to a few that're off duty when we're doing the Tour de Attil." "Fine by me, it's the least I can do to show my face.....or at least this version of it."

"Cal, you want me to come along too or....?" Cliff already knew some of the places, they were connected to her own upbringing on Attil. (She had been a scholarship student to the school there). "Yeah, I'd like you with me for this." Cal had no idea how it was going to go, but it was something she and Elliott needed in order to get some kind of closure. "John, Jay, I'd like you there too." John nodded " 'course I'll come." "Same with me." There was relief from all three, both that they had been asked to go, or that they had agreed to go.

 

[MzHyde]

From the reply Elliott gave her and the smirk he gave when saying it, it was obvious to her he too was remembering that day just as fondly as she was. She was just still glad that Elliott managed to get a piece of that cake after Toby's hijacking of it. She glanced across when Cal said about having a few people to meet when she comes for a visit onto Earth at some point. Kay knew both Cal and Cliff would be welcomed with open arms from a few people when that time came round.

As the topic of bringing certain people along with Elliott and Cal for the four of Attil, she just knew Elliott would want John around, she said as much to John when he was checking on her, with him expressing his debate if he would be wanted. She glanced at him and gave his leg a squeeze in that 'told ya so' manner. It didn't even upset her that she wouldn't be wanted, she had it in her mind from the start of all of this that even if she was invited, she'd decline the offer, knowing this was something personal for the siblings and in some way John. She'd gladly stay behind with Chas and Fia and anyone else who didn't go. She was pretty sure she'd be able to find something to do with whoever was left.

 

[_gallifrog_]

With that agreed, they all got up, Elliott brushing the various clutter of make-up away to one side. Anything Jay had used she had resealed, but the others had just cast the rest to one side still open. "Chas, as the responsible one, you're in charge." A decision she knew none of the others would object to. Chas's dependability and general status as responsible, trustworthy person had been one of the first things Elliott had told her about him, besides the fact the he was John's odest and closest mate. "Usual rules don't wreck the place, but feel free to eat whatever, and don't let anybody except Dan in, no matter how well they claim to know us." The cabbie gave a mock salute "message received and understood."

To Rinaa Cliff tossed the spare key. "Here, this is yours for the foreseeable future. Since you're going to be coming and going at all sorts of hours, it just makes sense, no doubt you have one in the future." "Yep, I do. Didn't bring it with me though." "And if you see Deke give him a dig in the ribs from me." "Will do" she smirked, tucking the key into her pocket. The rest pulled on various coats, said their goodbyes and left. The first place they would going were the primary and secondary schools the two had attended.

 

[MzHyde]

Fia stood up off the floor when everyone who's ere to leave left, "with that, I'm gonna go chill in the spare room for a bit" she said, giving off the impression she couldn't get out the room quick enough. Kay seemed surprised, but just nodded and let her do what she wanted. Fia walked down the hallway and into her room, rummaging through her bag to find something to do, go which she did. She pulled out her notebook and some books to do some self studying. Any other time she'd have gone up onto the roof with her violin to play, but the new one wasn't finished yet and she didn't have her original one with her.

Kay didn't know what to do in this time, she planned to talk to her kid but clearly that wasn't to be as Fia made it very clear she wanted to be alone in her actions. She didn't know what Rinaa was going to do, but she guessed she wouldn't want to be in the same room as her now that the others were gone. So that left only Chas who she could actually be around, yet she didn't know what to talk about or do. She didn't have any other questions to ask him incase any memory of what he read in the book got unlocked.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Rinaa had made no plans for that morning, she had lectures later in the day (it just so happened that all the ones for her particular course were in the afternoon, with mornings left for practical work). Fia leaving the room didn't make a great impact on her, it was pretty standard in her timeline. If this had been her timeline she'd have went off to the labs to do some work, or found a heapif study to occupy herself with, or a quiet spot to play guitar. But that didn't really exist in this apartment, no matter where she played people would hear. To let herself relax enough to play comfortably in front of Elliott and this timeline's John, had been a pretty big step for her. To be truly honest, she just wanted to lock herself in a soundproof room and sing, but that wasn't an option at this moment in time. So with a sigh she took out a laptop and plugged in one of her numerous USB drives with a sigh.

Chas didn't think there was anything particularly off about Fia leaving so suddenly. It had to be weird and disconcerting interacting with the younger versions of people she knew well. He hadn't given much thought to the books worth of knowledge locked up in his head, it simply hadn't been on his radar to try and spark something. Though Chas did hope that when he unlocked something it wouldn't be a case of too little too late. His thoughts had mainly been focused on his own family back on Earth, who were not exactly happy that he had to leave but understood why. Both knew Elliott's story, knew where he came from and knew that it had been traumatic. It was safe to say that he really missed them. Maybe he should get them teleported over for the wedding or something. That thought brought a smile to his face, espescially imagining how they would react to the sheer chaos that was his life right now. Trish would love it, and Renee would yell at John, but would love the whole experience too.

 

[MzHyde]

Chas wasn't the only one missing family. With the extensive talk of family and friends earlier it made her miss Sam so much more, even more than her adoptive parents, and she missed them a lot. She found more paper and pens on the table and grabbed them, starting to sketch a little bit. Yet just because she was doing this didn't mean she couldn't hold a conversation either, she was capable of multi tasking. She found herself doing a collage of everyone she loved in one way or another. Which ended up being John, Elliott, Chas, Fia and Sam. Mostly all just headshots and all in rough sketchy black pen but she liked how it was going.

"Hey Chas? Can I ask you something?" She asked, barely lifting her head from her paper. She barely knew what to talk about but she had to strike up some kind of topic, and stupidly enough in her mind, she could only think of one question to ask. How did he cope with being away from family so much? She never coped well with missing hers, but it seemed so much worse for her now, and she knew it was down to her hormones.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Rinaa plugged in her headphones and debated for a good five minutes on which playlists to choose. There were two contenders, one consisted of soundtrack pieces from TV and filming (one she frequently used for study). The other was a more nostalgic one, a mix of her own recordings, her friends, Elliott's stuff, Jay's music and even some of John's old stuff. She decided against the second one, knowing there was a high probability she'd start crying or dramatically tear up listening to some of them. If she was alone, then maybe, but not here. It was bad enough Kay had seen her break down once. She did not intend to repeat the incident. So she hit shuffle on the other and settled down to do some 'light' reading on government documents she had hacked and research papers she had downloaded. A dark blue leather bound notebook was open on one knee, and she jotted down notes as she read. If Fia was around, she would recognise it as the notebook she'd found concealed under The House floorboards containing various time-travel methods and other things like cryogenic freezing, DNA notes, Rinaa's symptoms and memory altering compunds.

Chas had taken the book John had read the day before (the first in the Raxi Stayos series). Not wanting to disturb Rinaa who had a look of intense concentration on her face, he'd perused the bookshelves and located a chunky Attili-English dictionary. Sitting himself down on the couch he began to read, slowly, with frequent reference to the dictionary, and the jotting down of certain words and their translations onto a page. It was the sort of challenge he thrived at. He'd made his way through the authors note, prologue and part od the first chapter by the time Kay spoke up. "Sure, go ahead." He replied, sticking his page of translation in the book as a bookmark.

(Chas looks kinda sinister in that, lol)

 

[MzHyde]

Kay was aware of what Rina was doing and what Chas was doing, smirking slightly that he decided to pick up the same book that John was previously reading, but using a dictionary to help with certain words he didn't know when they'd crop up. When he replied to her, she was glad that he didn't think she was interrupting him too much. "How do you cope being away from family so much?' she asked finally, after debating if she should ask it or not. She found herself lately starting to second guess her questions before asking them.

She didn't stop sketching the whole time, shading where she thought necessary to try and get the depth of all their facial structures as much as possible, especially with Sam as it was all about drawing her from memory from what she looked like when she last saw her, which she found the toughest to do. It was equally therapeutic for her and heartbreaking for her to do.

(Yeah..it's difficult to find a pic of him that doesn't turn slightly sinister in that filter effect lol)

 

[_gallifrog_]

The main reason Chas had picked that book was that he'd heard good things about it from everybody in the apartment who had read it. Even John had enjoyed it, which was an achievement in and of itself. And so far, he had to agree with them it was nitty, gritty and detailed. It was a tough read, he'd only been learning the language properly for about a week, but the fact that he could read as much as he was damn impressive, even to him. He had no idea what it could be that Kay could ask, it could have been anything, life advice about being a parent (as he was the only actual parent in the room), some kind of question about something John had said and refused to go into detail on or even something about Elliott. He hadn't expected it to be a question about him, given the various things going on, surely his life would be the least of her worries.

"Hmmm, tough question, lemme think a moment." He considered for a minute or so, organising his thoughts. "It's not easy being away for these long extended periods and it doesn't get easier over time either. Being a cabbie helps matters in a way, as it's normal for me to work long and varied hours. But I miss them both, a lot. Espescially when Trish was younger, and I couldn't be around to help out. I would spend so many hours constantly worrying that something would happen when I was there. That's one of the less fun aspects of parenting, the paranoia of not doing enough, not being around enough or something going wrong. It feels like I'm always away, either working or being dragged into who knows what and never have any proper time with them, though logically I know that's not true. I'm with them far more than I think I am. Though being on another planet with no phone signal doesn't help, at least on Earth phones and stuff like Skype work. So I guess how I cope is by trying to make the most out of the times when I am around." He missed the two, that much was blatantly obvious.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay listened to what he was saying, knowing that if anyone could truly help with her worries that were family oriented in any shape or form it would be him. It also felt strange to her because she considered him, John and Elliott her family and she hoped they all knew that. Yet here she was suddenly missing family she hadn't seen in years. Even earlier when she felt incredibly rough, all she wanted was her mother....both of them. Her birth mother and her adoptive one. She thought how he made some very valid points about when on earth he could still contact them and such, but it was made easier from making the most of his time with them.

Yet she knew that didn't help her really. She could also tell how much he missed his wife and kid. "I see.." she replied, eventually putting down the pen and sketch on the table making it be on show to him and if Rinaa glanced away from her work, her. "I ask because for the first time in a while I miss mine...and it's so much worse because of hormones and shit with this pregnancy. As much of you, John and Elliott are like my family to me, I feel like I don't have anyone to really go to about any of this.." she said, gesturing at her baby bump. "All this talk of family is just getting to me I guess and I just feel like that bloody kid I was years ago, struggling with what was happening to me only to have people call me crazy.." she sighed, accidentally letting slip a bit more information than she planned to. Not even Fee was much help most of the time, but Chas was easy to talk to.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Rinaa didn't look up, her headphones had sufficient noise cancelling that she couldn't hear what was being talked about. If she had looked up and seen the sketch, she would have quietly observed it having seen very little of Kay's artwork in the future and having secretly admired it. But Rinaa didn't, she'd fallen silent while reading, and from Chas and Kay's angle she looked perfectly normal. A closer observation would reveal that she had paled severely and her eyes were focused on something beyond the laptop screen.

Chas knew his words mightn't be completly helpful, but they were the truth, and he was one of those people who almost always told the truth. He listened to Kay speak, at first fearing his words might have only made things worse. He turned slight to focus his attention on her and from his new angle could only see the drawing out of the corner of his eye. He could hear the fear mixed with sadness and a hint of being sick of all this weirdness and wanting a normal life. Which he couldn't blame her for, he felt the same way, and he knew John did too at times. "All this has happened so fast and with everything else going on, you, and the rest of us have had no time to adapt to all this. We've been thrown in the deep end and are turning to old coping mechanisms to get through it."

"Theres no definite right or wrong way to this, which is why it's so scary for you. And adding hormones and being on a completly different planet with all this time travelling side drama going on is not helping matters, its doing the opposite and giving you more things to stress about. I'm gonna make an assumption that unlike me and John, you grew up with a large(ish) group of people who would properly support you in everything. And right now, what you need is a familiar face to tell you what to do and how it's going to be okay and that it's not as bad as it looks or feels."

 

[MzHyde]

Kay didn't notice how Rinaa was and if she had, she would have gladly turned the attention away from herself and onto her. However she didn't notice what was going on with the kid and thus didn't do anything. She listened to what Chas was saying, assuming so many things that were correct but at the same time weren't entirely correct. The whole everything is happening way too fast was definitely one of the correct things he spoke of, she couldn't even pretend that it was going at the right pace of things.

Yet there were things he said that weren't right, the assumption of her having her a largeish group was one of them. Her past group was no bigger than what she had now. She may have got on with other people when she was at university but it was always just her and Sam only when it came to a group of friends. Then it was Sam's parents. She may have got on with the people who ran that cafe, but they were friends of Sam's family way before she came along, so she never really counted them. "You're partly right.. my group before was no bigger than what I have now. It was Sam and her parents. That's it. We got on with people, but that's just the Seattle way y'know? Friendly to everyone no matter who they were. Even at university it was just myself and Sam, even then Sam had way more social contacts than I did. Even when we had nights out, it was HER thing, not mine. I just used it as an excuse to get wasted so i didn't have to think about Fee screaming in my head over one thing or another. Things werent always great for me either in Seattle. I make out I had an easy life despite my first 9 years and I know John thinks that..it's what I've made him believe but it wasn't. I may not have been in an inpatient at Newcastle like him, but I have experienced what an institute does to someone....I've just lied and not spoken about it to him." She started to explain, wondering how the floodgates of secrets just opened.

"All I know about parenting is keeping shit from your kid or if they have emotional trauma happen to them, dose them up on shit because you think they're going insane making up crap about voices in their head out of grief of losing both biological parents. Sam was the only person who didn't judge me or force pills down my throat. She was the one who stayed up all night long with me when the night terrors came..." she continued. "That's why I'm so terrified, but I'm also too scared to tell John this real reason" she added, forcing the tears back.

 

[_gallifrog_]

So he'd been partially right, and partially wrong, which was about as much as could be expected. Of course he'd ended up putting his foot in some past trauma, but he could tell that Kay needed to to talk to somebody even if it hurt like hell to do so. He listened as what she told him got worse and worse, some things he could have guessed, like being dosed up on pills and people not believing her when she tried to explain what was really going on. But others he never would have thought of, like the fact she knew what mental institutions could do to peeople. Chas could also see more parallels between her and John than he could have first imagined. Maybe the universe really did know what it was doing shoving them together.

He put an arm around her, not caring how it may look. She needed comfort from somebody, and as a friend he wanted to at least try. "I'm sorry for assuming, but I guess it goes to show, you never can judge a book by its cover. A lot of what you say has parallels to what John's been through. He doesn't and won't talk about a lot of things, being emotionally repressed and I can't say I blame him. There's things he didn't tell me about Ravenscar, but considering it was my decision to send him there, it's justifiable. A decision which I regret far more than I could express. Life is, in a way about making tough calls and hoping that they don't backfire badly. Parenting is no exception, but one thing I've noticed is that children rarely ever repeat the mistakes of their parents. You have the foreknowledge of what kind of affect it can have."

"But fear is what controls us all, fear of judgement, fear of abandonment, fear of people turning against you because of what you truly are. So yours are completly justified. But the longer you let a fear control you, the worse it gets. I'm not telling you to tell John now or even when to tell him. But you should, at some point. He's not going to ask this kind of thing of his own initiative. And despite how he may act, he understands far more than he shows outwardly. He does understand all this stuff, even if it opens old wounds in him, or maybe its because it reminds him of his own life. And he clearly cares about you, even if he's too what to be able to say it, just like he's unable to properly express everything else going on his head."

 

[MzHyde]

Kay was thankful for the comfort Chas was giving her, even if she wouldn't say it out loud, but she did consider Chas a friend and a close one at that. She wouldnt even have cared if someone walked in at this point, she needed Chas' advice as a friend and a fellow parent. She was too used to giving advice to other people and being someone else's ear or shoulder to cry on, whether it be metaphorically or literally that she never ever gave time for herself to talk to people. She hates keeping secrets from John, she truly did, and she was only ever able to lie about her own past to him way back because they didn't have the damn bond sigil tying them together and making it impossible to lie to each other.

She listened to what his words and she didn't blame him for assuming she had this large group of friends who she could just turn to. She did after all make it out to be like that to them all, without saying that was the case. "Don't apologise, I made you all think that without even saying anything of the sort. Which I do feel bad for." She started off with, knowing he was right about having to tell John at some point, but she didn't know how you could find the right time to say 'oh by the way, remember when I said I couldn't imagine what you went through at Ravenscar? Well guess what, I lied to you and do have an idea...except I was an out patient and only 11 years old at the time when it started'? "I know I have to..I just don't know how to. I know he cares, the bond tells me as much and I've come to accept that he probably won't ever tell me out right. Sure it'd be nice to hear it but it's John we're talking about" she smirked slightly. By this point she hadn't even noticed the few years escaping her eyes. "As for Fia? I know having her here shows I haven't completely failed as a parent, but im still scared shitless that I'm going to be the worlds worst mother imaginable."

 

[_gallifrog_]

Chas couldn't say if John would ever be able to say how he felt, or if he would ever figure it out fully. He doubted the bond was helping things, espescially considering how he was depicted in the card Jay had drawn. John didn't want to be forced into anything or be dictated by some ancient prophecy, so he could theorise that John was trying to figure out if any of this was real, or if it was all because if the bond. "The worst parent is the one who is never there. And I know, both in mind and heart, that you will be there for her. You'll help her, support her, encourage her. Though there might be a bit of overprotection, but that's open to change. The future isn't written. I can feel the knowledge changing. Both Fia and Rinaa's presence is causing ripples in time. But you will be a great parent, and she will be an amazing kid. As will John, he's a good father, as you and I full well know and he doesn't."

"But that's John for you. He's....well, he's John, no other way to put it. In some ways he just lacks the skills to actually express what is going on in his head. But you've seen how he can be, like with the League, he is perfectly able to explain exactly what he thinks, in a way that is both staggeringly eloquent and incredibly effective. He doesn't play by anybody's rules but his own. Which is why this whole prophecy thing isnt helping. But I wouldn't give up hope on that, it'll probably happen when you least expect it."

"As for telling him, well the only thing I can say in terms of advice is to do it when you two are alone, and tell him as much as you can in one go. Dragging it out will make it seem far worse than it already is. But give him time to wrap his head around it all too. It may open up some old memories for him, but try keep him focused on your life, and not on the void of old memories. But you'll be better for telling him."

 

[MzHyde]

Hearing Chas say he knows she'd be a good mother meant more to her than she'd ever be able to say to him. He seemed to have so much more faith in her and John as parents than either of them had in themselves. She knew John thought any positive upbringing of Fia would be down to her, just like how she thought that would be because of John. The level of faith in each other was staggeringly high in comparison to the level of faith they had in themselves over this whole thing. As for their feelings, to her it felt real, she had told John plenty of times, and deep down of she had truly let herself think about it, she was scared John wouldn't feel it was real like she did, and it'd all be the bond forcing him to care about her.

She would never want him to feel forced in caring about her. She wouldn't want anyone to feel they have to care about her, that just wouldn't be right on any level, she just hoped he was right in not giving up hope in John ever telling her. She nodded at his words about John being able to express his thoughts when he feels he has to, and about him being a good father even if he doesn't think it himself. She also took on board his advice about telling him the truth of her past when they were alone. There was no way she'd tell him in front of others. She was surprised she even did it to Chas when Rinaa was in the room, even if Rinaa couldn't hear what they were talking about. She used the back of her hand to wipe her eyes, as she sighed. "You're a good friend Chas. I really do appreciate having you in my life you know and I'm sorry for dumping my shit onto your shoulders. Without Sam, I just don't open up enough. Also, I'm so going to need your help when Fia comes into the world the right way...I have no idea what to do" she told him, smirking slightly.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Chas let Kay talk, hoping that opening up to somebody about a small portion of her past, would in some way or another help her. He knew for a fact that confiding in somebody helped John, but the thing with John was that he really had to trust that person and he hated too many people knowing that kind of personal information. He'd made the make of telling Zatanna some things, which the League had later used against him. That was another reason why he suspected John wa having a hard time opening up with Kay. His other people to confide in he'd known most of his life (Chas and Sheryl) or at least a good chunk of it (Elliott). Talking also helped Chas, he made not have the same extent of problems and past trauma that the others had, but it was there none the less. He'd been on the Newcastle crew, experienced death multiple times and had his own fair share of nightmares. But judging by the snark that had returned to Kay's tone he was indeed helping in some way.

"The last bit is true of all parents, not just first-time ones. Take it from the only one who's actually raised a child from birth, nbody ever has any idea what to do at first when confronted with a miniature being that you will be responsible for for a good portions of its life. John'll tell you I was a nervous wreck for weeks both before and after my little girl was born."
A suitable amount of time afterwards when Chas had figured out the basics of parenting John took the mick out of the state he'd been in. "And as for life advice, parenting advice, dumping shit or just a different perspective, consider my services open any time. I don't mind, seriously."

 

[MzHyde]

Kay had always been the type of person who was like a walking cliché. She'd rather shoulder and listen to everyone else's problems and help them, than acknowledge she had unresolved problems of her own. It was probably why she only ever considered herself as having Sam, despite the fact Ethan was a big part of their group in university. Though as much as she got on with and loved Ethan as a friend, she still felt like Jay did with this group. On the outside. Yet it still broke her heart immensely when she found him betray her and then years later, torture her to drag her to Hell, only for John and Elliott's group to save her. That was another thing she never truly got over, but that was a whole different topic all together that she wasn't going to get into.

She listened to Chas speak about parenthood Nd what his experiences have been like when Trish was just a baby. Hearing that John gave him a hard time for how he looked did make her smirk slightly as it sounded so typical of him. Though all that would bite him in the ass soon enough, now it was his turn to be the dad that got up in the night to a crying infant. She really appreciated that Chas offered to be there for her, he wouldn't realise just how much that really did truly mean to her. "Thanks Chas..you have no idea how much that means so much to me." She told him truthfully, instantly giving him a right hug. She wouldn't even care if anyone caught her hugging him the way she was, she needed his friendship so much right now. "I guess all those taunts John gave you when Trish was born will now bite him in the ass in six months" she said.

(Sorry for delay was taking my mum out for a birthday meal)

 

[_gallifrog_]

Chas hugged her back, knowing that she needed it. "Hey, no problem. I'll do it any time." He was half tempted to make an Avengers Endgame reference and say 'I can do this all day' , but that was only asking for it, considering the various other things going on in people's life. Despite being of Earth for almost a week, his clothes still smelt the same as they did on Earth. A mix of faint scents, including (but not limited to) some kind of citrus laundry detergent, his cab's air freshner, a faint whiff of gunpowder and an even fainter whiff of some kind of ash. "I could also take the moral high ground, and only threaten him with such taunts." Chas smirked before rethinking his answer. "Probably not gonna happen though, it's too good an opportunity to miss." It was funny in a way, it seemed like just yesterday he was holding his daughter for the first time, yet now she was a fully capable sixteen year old, who had a reputation for getting in a scrap with the school bully. She was tough as nails, and smart, not Rinaa level, but smart enough to succeed at whatever she wanted to do. Plus her acid tongue and snioy humour made her likeable when you were on her good side. He was so proud of her, and had to fight if another wave of missing them.

As he said that, Rinaa snapped out of her weird daze-like state. Her eyes clicked back into focus and she shook her head slightly, as if trying to dislodge something fromm her eyes. She pushed the headphones down from her head, then ran a hand up and over her pale face and through her hair. Opening the notebook she began to scribble, not even bothered to switch to a more complicated language than English. She hadn't meant for the notebook to become a diary, but it unintentionally became a place for her to vent. "It's getting worse, much worse, the headaches are becoming more frequent and more prolonged. SL had no affect on making them disappear, so I'm wondering if it's actually connected to Astras/Omega or not. New trick to the repartoire- I damn sure I shifted into somebody else's body for a few minutes. By the time I could check, there was no evidence. Its terrifying. If its like anything else, it's only gonna get more painful and more frequent. I'm hallucinating too. And not just the usual lucid dreaming/sleepless nights stuff. It's bad. Very bad. The divergence is getting closer, I can feel it. Everything hurts, be it mentally or physically. I'm sick of it, sick of dying, sick of trying to pretend I don't know what will happen next, and refraining from screaming at Elliott not to do it. I'm wondering if there is a point to this, if I have a choice in anything, or if it's just gonna be all pain and no gain." Seeing where the writings were going, Rinaa ripped out the page, a tad violently.

(it's cool, hope the meal went well)

 

[MzHyde]

Hugging Chas just reminded her of earth and home which made her even more homesick than she was already feeling, but she also needed that reminder. When he said about possibly taking the high ground, but if she knew Chas, he wouldn't do that when it came to John. So hearing him say he would take full grasp of the opportunity to give him payback she smirked. "You totally have to taunt him back, because I fully intend to make him do more night shifts to give you as much verbal ammo as possible" she commented. She eventually pulled away from him, but it was reluctantly.

It was only after she replied to him and pulled from his hug which was extremely comforting for Kay, did she notice Rinaa actually move in her seat and seem to be writing something down. She didn't comment on it though as she knew Rinaa didn't like even talking to her when she could help it. Yet when she ripped the page out rather violently, she couldn't help but say something, "you okay Rinaa?" She asked, falling back into that be there for others but ignore the emotional pain she was going through herself.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Chas smirked at that reply. "It's not just the night shifts though, it's the general confused new parent syndrome that's so mockable. And it's tradition at this stage. John and Sheryl mocked me. John and I mocked Sheryl. And now it's gonna be one season on having a go at John, once the first two months have passed of course." It generally took about two months in his exprience for somebody to get into a state where they could tolerate the jabs without having a breakdown of some kind. When Kay pulled away he cast a glance at the teenager who had been quiet the whole time. He'd spent a bit of time with her on the ship, and knew she had mastered Jay's trick of just fading into the background. Chas had seen the notebook before, but hadn't asked about it. Judging by the rate she was writing, there was something on her mind. The violent tearing out suggested something particularly impactful.

The teenager looked up at Kay's remark, having momentarily forgotten the others were in the room. "In one word- no." She replied, not even caring that it was Kay she was saying it to. It was pretty much her default mode at this stage, there was always something going on with her or something that was in pain. Time travel had only made it worse. She was pretty sure the first jump to the prison time had accelerated the process, but she couldn't be sure. "But that's nothing new at this stage." "What is it kiddo? Side effects?" She shrugged, her shoulders brushing her ears. "I don't even know at this stage. It could be Omega side effects, it could be the transformation from the bite, it could be the lingering affects of some of the lightning I didn't discharge. It could just be my body saying "fuck this I've had enough." It could be more side affects of time travel, Hells if I know." She crumpled the page in frustration.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay nodded at his words, she knew what he was implying, yet her mind went down the whole process of 'if he does more night shifts, he'll be the one who will look worse out of the two of us which make him even more mockable'. "Of course after a couple of months, two months of lack of sleep will add to the mockery ammo" she smirked.

She saw how deep down distressed Rinaa was, though she was surprised Rinaa even willingly told her the truth. She listened to what Rinaa had to say about not knowing what is going on with her and she could tell from the tone it was getting her more down than she was letting on, or deciding to let on. In Kay's mind it could easily be a combination of all of those things for Rinaa, but she didn't want to say as such. No doubt Rinaa had wondered that same thing and Kay would only get snark thrown her way, something she wasn't in the mood for right now. "Wish there was something I could do to help...I wouldn't wish what you're going through on my worst enemy" she told her honestly. She did truly wish she could be helpful in some way to Rinaa but knew there was nothing she or anyone else could do.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Chas listened as Rinaa seemed to list a never ending amount of reason for what could be going wrong with her. In a way, it hit him deeply as she really wasn't much older than his own daughter. To see somebody so young going through so much pain (both physical and mental) seemed totally unfair to him. Not to mention heartbreaking. Even if she was distancing herself from them and refusing to open up on anything except hairstyling, they'd all reacted to her pseudo death yesterday. Nobody wanted to see her die at a young age, but it was inevitable, given her symptoms. "I wouldn't wish it on anybody either, believe me. And if there was another option besides my present course, I'd be taking it in a heart-beat. But I'm too far gone."

She was tempted to say something along the lines of 'next time I die, just leave me there. No matter what time travelling friend/enemy/guy I kind of have a thing for but it's complicated, shows up, just let this all be over for once.' But deep down she knew she wouldn't, her survival instinct was too strong. Rinaa would prefer to live in pain, rather than not exist and be in no pain. She was stubbornly clinging to life in that regard. "I wish, actually, we all wish there was something that could be done, that that statement wasn't true. But there is no way out is there?" The sadness in Chas's voice, echoed the sadness in the teenagers eyes. "There isn't, and it's shit. There's nothing anybody can do to fix me, I've been broken too long, broken since I was first created. And everybody knows that in my time. All ye can do is hope that we get one of the alternate timelines that isn't mine, one of the ones where the dice rolls differently."

 

[MzHyde]

Kay knew that Chas was the one person Rinaa let in out of her and him when they were on the ship. So to hear Chas clearly concerned about the whole thing with Rinaa wasn't a shock to her. She guessed that he was emotionally attached in the sense that he was seeing a kid not much older than Trish and his dad instincts were kicking in. That guess only strengthened when he spoke more to Rinaa about there being nothing they could do or anything being out there to help her.

Hearing her call herself broken was just heartbreaking to Kay. She knew she'd be getting up and cradling her protectively if it was Fia in this position. Hell, if Rinaa didn't have such an issue with her because of her timeline's future version of Kay, she would have just got up and given the poor girl a hug to show her she wasn't alone in this and they'd shoulder any of her pain gladly. Yet that wasn't to be, knowing that one time it happened would be a one off that Rinaa probably wouldn't want to repeat. So she gave Rinaa the space. "I know it won't help you in any way to fix you, but how about I make some of my insane brownies?" She suggested, knowing it would help take her mind off her own worries as well as Rinaa's, and baking was always her go to if it wasn't sketching.

 

[_gallifrog_]

There was something in Rinaa's tone when she said she was broken that showed she utterly believed what she was saying. Chas couldn't know if it had just been a throw-away insult somebody (presumably Kay or Fia) had said in the heat of an arguement or something she'd heard Jay say out of context, but it was heartbreaking either way. To hear her describe herself like that was a sign of just how bad things had become in her timeline. Chas didn't want to belive it could all go so wrong, but he knew loosing Elliott would send John into a spiral with unknown repercussions. Like Kay he wanted to hug the teenager and try and give her some form of reassurance, even if in the grand scheme of things it would be utterly futile against what was coming.

"I could probably eat my entire bodyweight it brownies and not gain any weight from it." Rinaa remarked, her eyebrows scrunching in a face of serious concentration. A face that was distinctly her own expression. She had perked up and was seriously considering if she could complete that feat. "But chocolate solves most problems temporarily. Back at STA..." She stopped herself from saying the full name. "The lab I work at, we got a whole cupboard specifically for keeping chocolate and those microwavable lava-cake things with six million calories in it." "Sounds like the priorities are in the right place then." "Oh yep, they are. Chocolate and funding are the only things we've got sorted."