Fandom I Just Died in Your Arms (Irradiatedwarden)

[HoneyedHopes]

Naloru stumbled her way through the trees, squinting through the pesky tears clinging to her lashes. Nothing she could do about them but let them fall. When the inn came into view, she whistled high and loud without pausing. Bartrand's head appeared in the crack in the door. Are we leaving? Naloru didn't even bother to respond, instead she flicked her hand towards the road and kept running.


The light began to dim several hours laters just as Nal's eyes were too blurry with exhaustion to see. She hit a tree root–which didn't surprise her–and hit the fluffy snow with a thump. She groaned, but didn't move. The snow felt warmer than the wind.


"Bar, I'm so sad," she whimpered. Bartrand huffed with pity and nudged her hand with his hot breath. He was right. She had to keep moving.


Hours later, more than Naloru could remember, Winterhold abruptly appeared in front of them. Naloru stumbled towards the college with decisive but clumsy feet. Like magic, the face she searched for appeared in front of her, peeking out from under a dark robe.


"Hi Fi," Naloru greeted. Then she fainted.

 

[Interstellar Bun]

Moving a Dunmer who was much taller than her was difficult, moving her across the half broken and iced over bridge while not crying about a dog being so close to her was even more so. She ignored the odd looks she was given, keeping her head down so her mask and hood cut the wind that made snow dance through the College. Had she believed in them, she might have thanked the gods for the fact that she didn't also have to move Naloru upstairs.


Unwilling to set the Dunmer down she struggled with the door to her room for a moment before managing to get it open. Completely out of breath and with her grip on her friend starting to slip, Fienelef all but dropped her on her too large, too plush bed. The kitten, a calico with big eyes and bigger ears, blinked from her perch on one of the piles of pillows.


Being sure to give Bartrand a wide birth, Fienelef shut the door, removed her coat, and got to work.


She wasn't a healer, far from it, but the years she had spent training and assisting in her aunt's clinic had done her well. Grabbing a knife from her dissection kit Fienelef mumbled something of an apology before slicing Naloru's clothes away. Warmth danced under her skin, fingers tingling with magic. Dim golden lights threaded around her hands and, focusing, she began working on Naloru.


It was hours later by the time Fienelef was finished. There was a pile of bloody rags, half broken arrows, and a dirty needle that was used more for sewing up dead skin than that of the living by the end of it all. Her gloves had been abandoned, her sleeves rolled up, and the mage looked exhausted. Her reading chair groaned as she flopped back down into it, scrubbing her scarred hands on her face. Had this been the first time a friend showed up to her room half dead she would have been worried but now she was just worried about the fact that she wasn't worried anymore.

 

[HoneyedHopes]

Naloru awoke with a start. "Where am I?!" She practically yelled, bolting upright from the bed. Immediately she was greeted with pain stabbing her from all sides. She gripped her head and slumped. Well, the wounds were real. That meant the rest was too. Grim knew. How could she go back now?


Bartrand grumbled at her, his head resting on the side of the bed. The voice roused her further and she lifted her head back up, looking around the room. Fienlef's room looked just like her–meticulously clean and covered in bookshelves. It felt warm.


Fi sat in an armchair across the room, book in hand, looking like a painting. Naloru felt more and more of place, particularly in a too small nightgown that was bursting at the seams with lace. But she appreciated the care Fi had obviously given her nonetheless.


"Good morning, Fi. Er, if it is morning," she coughed. "Uhm, how are you...?"

 

[Interstellar Bun]

A hand touched Grim's shoulder and he didn't jerk away.


"How are you feeling?"


He grumbled, sitting up. He didn't remember falling asleep on his couch, nor did he remember letting her in, but he supposed that last bit wasn't worth questioning. He never questioned how she did anything anymore. It was better that way. Sigdis sat down a plate of food he hadn't owned before. Not only had she helped patch him up, but she'd gone out of her way to buy food, cook, and check on him. He couldn't say he'd have done the same thing for her. Then again, Sigdis seemed like she was one another level, like she could never be hurt like this.


He grabbed the plate. "I miss her."


"Which one?"


"Both."


--


There was a long pause before Fienelef realized someone had spoken to her and an even longer moment before she looked up. A faint smile graced her soft, round features. Her eyes intense from focus, softened. Using a tatted bookmark to hold her place, she shut her book and placed it on her chair as she stood.


"I am glad for your concern but I believe it is I who should be asking you that question. Tea?"


Before Nal could respond, Fienelef had already moved to her desk where a tray sat with a small tea pot and a set of matching cups and saucers. They'd been a gift from her father, enchanted to always keep the contents warm. She poured the steaming beverage into a cup and placed a dollop of honey in it before moving to Nal's bedside. Through the frosted window, dim light shone through, the stormy sea rolling in the not so far distance.


"How are you feeling, my friend? And, more importantly, what happened?" Of course she'd ask that question. Nal would be foolish to think she wouldn't.

 

[HoneyedHopes]

Naloru took the cup eagerly, words of gratitude on her lips. She slurped down the hot liquid before answering, not caring that the heat scalded her throat. When it was emptied, she lowered the cup from her mouth and rested it in her lap, fingers toying with the uneven edges of the clay.


"I..." By Sithis, Naloru didn't know where to start. "I have t-this friend. And he found out... about my past." She looked up to Fi's face, and let the breton's kindness swallow her up. "Oh, Fi, I don't know what to do. I think I've lost him. He knows and now I'm going to have to leave again, and I'll be able to talk to him or see him or thank him..." The dunmer sniffled, tears welling up. Her shoulders quaked.

 

[Interstellar Bun]

As Naloru drank her tea, Fienelef quietly perched herself on the edge of the bed. She glanced at Bartrand, making sure the beast wasn't making any move to attack her like every other one did. He never seemed particularly violent, but Fienelef still held her fears.


La Rue moved into her lap and, without hesitation, the mage stroked the kitten's head.


"So something happened, a bad truth came out, and now you want to run?" Her brows furrowed at that. Gods above she didn't think she could deal with this. She didn't want to be harsh with Naloru, not with how her shoulders quaked, but it had been a long few months and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't nearing the end of her rope. "You're a fool."

 

[HoneyedHopes]

Bartrand eyed the small kitten in the mage's lap with caution, waiting its next move. Kittens never bothered him; only adults were clever enough to truly annoy him, so the two would be food so long as it stayed in its domain, away from him. Except... The whole room was its domain. Bartrand huffed and focused more on his master.


Naloru was shocked out of her tears as she gaped at Fi like a fish out of water. Running? Foolish? Those traits certainly sounded like her, but neither had been her intention.


She tried to refute. "But I- uhm. It was to protect-" Her friend watched patiently as she struggled, her features not shifting from the quiet disapproval. Naloru sighed, and more tears welled up. She couldn't remember the last time she cried.


"Fine, you may be correct," she tasted the defeat in her words, and swallowed hard. "But I'm scared of going back. And facing him. Just give me a chance to be less scared." Her eyes were pleading Fienlef, begging her to understand. She couldn't face Grim yet.


"I'll stay and help around for a while, yes? Until the wounds heal?"

 

[Interstellar Bun]

As Naloru worked through her thoughts and stammered through a half attempt at an argument, Fienelef waited. She always did. In the back of her head she had been compiling her own argument, preparing statements that could work to her benefit only to find that they were rather unnecessary. Naloru had yielded quickly and she was glad.


Setting the kitten down, Fienelef stepped over to her desk and grabbed a folded up handkerchief, the cloth was snow white, her own initials embroidered in gold in one corner. She held it out for Naloru, her expression softening.


"You may stay for as long as you wish, though I fear my work will bore you greatly. Truth be told, I do not think you have to be scared. I...have been left many times for a plethora of reasons and I can tell you that anger usually gives way to joy when a friend returns. It will be okay."


La Rue, free from Fi's lap, crawled over the Dunmer without paying her much thought. She had bigger fish to fry, that being Bartrand himself. Seemingly unaware of any danger that might exist, the kitten made her way towards the dog before plopping herself at his feet, mewling just once to get his attention.

 

[HoneyedHopes]

It was clear she couldn't stay and bother Fi any more than she had. Now that her wounds were tended to, she had no reason to lay in the mage's bed, bothering her with a liar's ramblings. And Nal knew Fi had a point, though she didn't really believe he'd feel and 'joy'. It didn't matter. Even if he chased her off, she had to go back and try her best to explain herself. Not to mention, she would have to close down the inn and gather her bees. And Sigdis, Oh Sig. How would she explain her departure to Sig? The more she thought about it all, the more the anxiety ate away at her, making her feet itch. She pulled herself out of the bed.


"I don't want to go back, but..." she sucked in a breath, "I guess I have to. Fi, can I... come back here? If things go poorly? I just really need a friend right now. Someone I can trust." her eyes were pleading.


Meanwhile, Bartrand stared down at the mewling kitten in front of him. Oh, brother. The kit was a mess. With a grumble, he ran his tongue up the kitten face, nearly swallowing its whole face. He continued to clean the kitten, until the thump of Naloru leaving the bed caught his attention and pulled it elsewhere.

 

[Interstellar Bun]

Being licked made LaRue give another squeaking meow. When he stopped, she rubbed her law on her face but, ultimately decided that the dog wasn't the worst. Yes, she'd continue to try and bother him.


"Of course. I would hate for things to go poorly but my room is always open to you should you never need a place to stay." And she meant it. There wasn't a lot Fienelef could give, she didn't have a home of her own, didn't have any deep or profound wisdom that could help anyone at all, but she could offer Nal a small safe haven that smelled like parchment and tea.


"And if you need anyone to talk to about anything at all, well, you already know I have no room to judge."


It was then that she fidgeted a little, tugging at her fingers. She didn't like to think about what she'd done, think about how close she came to shredding her own soul because she couldn't stop, couldn't let go.


"I just-" she sighed, shoulders deflating, "I want you to know I am here for you."

 

[HoneyedHopes]

Naloru felt relieved that Fi accepted her so quickly. She reached out to the little mage and wrapped her in a bear hug, shaking her a little to really get the feeling in there.


"Thank you, Fi. You know you can always come to me if you need any help, too."


A few hours later, though her wounds still smarted with every step, Nal headed back to the inn, keeping her pace quick. With ever step her bounced her toes, trying to expel the anxious energy welling up on her chest. The only source of distraction she had was playing "I Spy" with Bartrand. By the time late afternoon rolled in, Naloru's homestead came into view, its windows darkened and a tall figure fussing with the lock.


"Sigdis," Naloru called out, her voice wavering. Was the woman also angry with her? Had Grim told her everything?

 

[Interstellar Bun]

Watching an inn wasn't something that was necessarily in her skill set. Still, she'd promised to do it for a friend and, well, she typically tried to keep her word. Sure she drugged people and moved them across boarders in a slave trade and maybe she worshiped a Daedra or two, but at least she was a woman of her word.


A hand slipped from the door to the knife at her side when she heard her name being called, instinct dictating her movements before she could parse out exactly who it was.


"Divines and Daedra both, Nal." She breathed the womer's name. Ignoring what she'd been doing she quickly closed the distance and wrapped her in a hug, pulling Nal close to her. "Grim told me what happened and- shit I'm glad you're alright. Thought I might have to take over the inn myself and we both know I'd run this place into the ground after a week."

 

[HoneyedHopes]

Naloru laughed weakly into Sigdis's chest, feelings dizzier by the second. So Grim had told her. What did she think of her now? Nal couldn't even manage to properly hug the woman back, her mind had filled up with so much noise.


"Yes... It's good to see you too, Sigdis," she murmured, nearly choking on the words. "I'm sorry for leaving you to deal with this." She had no more she could say for herself. Just one apology after another.


"Speaking of Grim, have you... seen him? Around?" She needed to make a plan for facing him, and quick.

 

[Interstellar Bun]

"Sorry? No, no it's fine. I get it, we all have shit to deal with." Sigdis released her from the embrace, leaving her hands on Nal's arms just so she could have that contact. She seemed upset, which Sigdis expected from what she knew of the situation, and some part of her was just hoping that maybe a little physical affection, no matter how useless, would at least help her feel a bit better.


"Grim's down at the mine still last I checked on him." There was a beat before a frown graced her strong features. Her hands slipped away, then.


"And, look, I don't know exactly what went down, or why you ran off, but he seemed pretty damn sure you wouldn't be coming back. I get that you probably have your own reasons, and I know you're back now, but here's the thing: you can't do that to him. Yeah he's a hard ass but he's still recovering. He's lost so much, Nal, so much..." she droned off for a moment, shaking her head, "and I'm not here to tell you that you can never leave him but if you're going to vanish, at least give the poor bastard a warning and a reason so he doesn't just blame himself again. He does that, you know, more often than you'd think."

 

[HoneyedHopes]

Naloru could not meet Sigdis's eyes, but she felt the blame being burned into the top of her head, nonetheless. But even so, Nal couldn't imagine what would have changed if she had told Grim the truth from the beginning. She only saw the end waiting for her, no matter what turned she took.


She could at least take responsibility, though. Fi words inspiration that much out of her. "I'll apologize to him properly," she said meekly, then began inching towards the inn. "I think I'll just go open up the inn, and wait for him to finish working." She turned around and ran.


Time passed too quickly for Naloru when she worked. With the floor cleaned and the stew on the fire, the sun had already begun setting, leaving Nal with only a moment's breath before people filed in. She served her ale with a smile, just as she always did, but kept one eye on the door at all times. Naturally, she knew the moment he stepped onto the front porch, from the sound of his weight bending the floor boards.


She looked up, eyes wide with terror and mouth quivering. But she didn't run.

 

[Interstellar Bun]

He opened the door, leaving a mark of dirt on it in the shape of his hand as he did so. His clothes were still a mess from work, smudges from where he wiped the sweat off of his forehead stained with black marks of crushed stone. He hadn't bothered to change after work. Sigdis's name was on his tongue when he stepped inside of the warm inn, ice coating his boots, but the blonde wasn't there.


Nal was.


He wasn't prepared to handle it, wasn't ready to deal with her and so before the door had even shut behind him he was outside once more. Gods give him strength he didn't know what he'd say to her, but he knew whatever it was it didn't need to be done in the public eye. Those thoughts carried him home, yet they were also the ones that brought him back once night set upon the small mining village that was once so quiet.


This time, when he pushed the door open and stepped in, he didn't leave again. Instead, he just stared at her.

 

[HoneyedHopes]

Just one glance had Grim turning 360 degrees without pausing his feet, and Naloru couldn't hide the hurt that sparked on her features. She knew she had no right to feel sorry for herself, nor did she want pity, but her instincts told her that if she ran, she wouldn't have to face such pain. Yet again she found herself wondering if she should have stayed gone.


The customers watched Naloru's choppy movements with pity, but every time they commented she brushed them off with a smile and more ale. Finally they trickled out of the bar and back to their homes for the night, leaving Naloru alone with her thoughts for the moment. The sound of the broom against floorboards kept her from grinding her teeth.


The door opened again. Naloru looked up and immediately regretted it, caught in the gaze of Grim. She stood there, doe eyed, features drooping with fear. She wanted to reach out, to say something or do something, but she could barely swallow, let alone breath, under the intensity of his eyes. Moments passed.


Finally Naloru could no longer stand the pressure, and burst.


"If you want to hit me, then just do it!" she burst, shoving the broom away. It clattered on the floor, while she tumbled into herself, folding her arms and hunching her shoulders. "You can kick and scream and I won't say a word! But don't just stand there prolonging it."

 

[Interstellar Bun]

"Is that what you think? That I'm going to hit you?" He didn't bother trying to hide the anger in his words, not that he ever could. He paced, grinding his teeth for a long moment. "I don't even know what to say. By Arkay, you- fuck." He slammed his fist on the nearest table, making the wooden structure shake.


He had so much time to prepare something, anything, and yet nothing had come to him. He had no right to tell her what to do, or to dig into her personal life, but there was enough information out there now that he couldn't just leave it alone.


"Look I don't give a damn if you hate me, but after everything that happened I think I deserve some answers, alright? Because I care. I care a lot that you're alright and that when you disappear you aren't just going to wind up dead in a ditch somewhere where I can't help again. So what is it, Nal? Who are you? What happened?"


The more he spoke, the more that anger had become replaced with exasperation. That was always what happened, try as he might he always ended up caring too fast too much. That was why he kept people away. He was tired of caring about people he couldn't save.

 

[HoneyedHopes]

Naloru flinched when Grim hit the table, expecting a fist to fly at her next. The shock of the sound assaulting her ears forced flashes of images from half a century ago–her brother having yet another mental breakdown, and she was his only outlet. When she opened her eyes again, mildly surprised,and irked, to find it was her table that had suffered instead she suddenly felt a little calmer. And more teary, Sithis damn her.


His words hit her, with as much force as he had earlier conjured against the table. Nal. Grim had never called her anything but Darvvo, which Naloru had taken as the closest she would ever get to having him address familiarly. It hit her all at once, one giant wave of understanding. This was Grim, caring for her. Friendship, if rocky, had formed without her noticing. She swallowed a smile.


"I don't hate you," she murmured, and took a seat in the nearest chair. "I don't hate you. I'm just afraid you'll hate me," Her voice was raw, but she managed to keep the tears from spilling over.

 

[Interstellar Bun]

"I won't." There was no hesitance in his words. He moved forward, his motions suddenly slower as though time itself was halting around them. Drawing a chair over, her sat down next to her, his arms loosely draped on the table in front of them. "I know I'm an ass, you of all people should know that, and I..." he shook his head. No, he didn't want to go there.


"If I can be friends with Sig after all she's done and will continue to do, than I'm sure nothing you could have done will make me hate you."


Well, that wasn't true. Sig wasn't the best person and he had spent many years loathing her, but even then she had her limits and they seemed to match Grim's. She never murdered for pleasure, never hurt small children, and with the way she acted it was so easy to forget how reprehensible she was.


But who was he kidding, Nal could say she was Sithis incarnate and he'd still forgive her. He needed her as a friend.

 

[HoneyedHopes]

Well. She might as well rip it off like a bandage. She sucked in a breath.


"I used to be part of the Dark Brotherhood but then I was accused of betraying them and I've been on the run ever since."


Silence.


"Also I got half of the sanctuaries in Cyrodiil blown up."


She squeezed her eyes shut, and prayed that Grim would keep his word.

 

[Interstellar Bun]

There was a long moment in which he stared at her before one of his heavy hands lifted to cradle his forehead. A sigh that shook his shoulders left him as he tried to process all she had just told him. An assassin. For the Brotherhood. Great.


Slowly, like a ship careening into the Sea of Ghosts, Grim let his head slip from his hand and down into both of his arms where he refused to move.


He respected her for being so honest with him, and Gods did that explain so much, but it was still a hard truth for him to swallow down. It tasted like poison, cold and thick in his throat.


"Great."


The fact that he managed that word at all was an accomplishment as far as he was concerned.

 

[HoneyedHopes]

Well, he hadn't gotten up and walked out on her. Or punched a table again. That was good. Still, Naloru shifted in her chair.


"I-it's not... well I–" What else could she say? She had no defense. She had known no longer life, until they kicked her out. Now that she did, she'd like to say she was a better person but...


"I'm not an assassin anymore. They're trying to kill me. Me!"


He didn't respond. She sighed.


"I can.. tell you the whole story. If you want. It's really long, though." She peeked up at him from behind her bangs. "Want some ale?"

 

[Interstellar Bun]

Her halfhearted attempts to excuse herself were all but ignored as Grim repeated her words in his mind over and over again. An assassin. He was sitting next to someone who used to be an assassin, someone who had left and was on the run, who brought that danger to this small town of individuals who wanted to live nothing but a quiet life.


Then again, so had he.


"No." He sat up, pushing his shaggy hair out of his face. "I think...I think I need to stay sober for this."


The chair groaned as he leaned back into it. "Tell me what happened."

 

[HoneyedHopes]

They stayed up well into the night, talking about the past that shaped Naloru. She explained her childhood in a quiet, withheld tone, frequently stumbling over words and phrases that still cut too deep.


She told him of her parents, who died just when she'd gotten old enough to eat on her own. She told him of her brother, his twisted way of loving–living–and his mental instability. She explained that when they were found on the streets by an old assassin, she decided to take them in. Naloru still couldn't say if it was pity or is she saw an investment in them. Eventually, the woman died, leaving them with nowhere else to turn. She recalled her brother leading her with a tight grip to a door decorated by a giant skull and a hand print. For the next ten years, the Brotherhood was her family, and one she loved. She spoke of the altmer who taught her who to tie a bow, the breton who cooked breakfast every morning, her best friend, an Argonian named Kal-Le.


"That's where I went, last time I had to leave. Before the assassins." She mentioned, fully immersed in her tale. She held nothing back. "She left just before... the accident. She lives with her partner and son, now." She chuckled. Then the happy moment passed.


Next, she spoke of meeting with Lariul. He bumped into in the market, marveled her with sweet words. Over the next ten months, they would meet, on the banks of Niben Bay. He was the first person outside of the Brotherhood she could talk to. Of course, she took it too far. When she expressed "interest" in joining the Brotherhood, Naloru told him everything she could, all in effort to convince him to join her. She thought they'd be together forever.


One night, he didn't meet her. She waited on the bank for hours, until the sun began to peek over the horizon. The explosion was bright enough that for a few minutes, the dawn dimmed to night again. Of course, then he arrived, if only to laugh in her face. To tell her the truth–she'd done it to her own family.


Naloru might've gone back to help, but a second explosion sounded just as her brother appeared on the scene. Naloru fled for her life.