Fandom Forbidden and Scarred Love { The Last of Us 1x1 with icedthemoon }

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

Not having to worry about the world for a while sounded like something Hayden definitely could get behind. His worry could be debilitating, and he didn’t want it anymore. He just didn’t. He gasped as Josh picked him up. “Mm hmm,” he answered in hums as he was set down. “Much better. Are you going to come join me as we start our mandatory vacation?” What was better than the promise of getting to be with each other for a whole extra day? Technically, Hayden did not have the next day off. He had no days off in fact. He structured this so that he was always working, which was what he liked. Because he was always working, he had more flexibility in when he did and did not show up in various places. That being said, if someone needed him tomorrow, they were going to come find him, and they would have to deal with him being attached to his husband.​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan, Alexander Brennan and Luke Smith (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 23, 16, 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Josh heard the gasp as he picked Hayden up and chuckled softly, he heard the answered hum when he set him down. "Of course I am." Josh said as he crawled onto the bed with Hayden, laying down and wrapping him up in his arms. "This is nice." He whispered as he kissed the side of his head. The memories of the hospital crawled back again, his grip subconsciously tightened on Hayden as he held him close. He didn't want to be anywhere else tonight or tomorrow. And if anyone needed him, he'd be hard pressed to want to get out of bed or be apart from his husband right now.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

Hayden hummed as he was taken into Josh’s arms. He loved the feeling of those protective and comforting barriers. Holding him safe from the world. When he was there, no infected broke down doors. No soldiers fought people in riots. No religious zealots gutted their friends and family. No restless young sons ran away from home and broke every last bit of composure he had left. There was only him and his husband. His husband who held on too tight as he was thinking. Hayden could tell. He pulled up one hand to touch Josh’s cheek. “Baby, you’re okay. Everyone is okay.”​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan, Alexander Brennan and Luke Smith (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 23, 16, 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Josh looked at Hayden, feeling the hand touching his cheek. He leaned into the touch and sighed low. "I.. I almost wasn't.." Josh admitted as he looked at Hayden. "If.. if our son hadn't.. come when he did.. I wouldn't be here with you." He said softly as he looked down. "I never told you about the hospital, from back in my FEDRA days and today, but.. it was terrifying." Josh whispered, tears slipped down his face as he looked at his husband. "I've done some scary things in my life, facing down groups of scars for one, but this.. this was so so much worse."​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

All those many years ago, something changed between Josh and Hayden. They stopped telling each other how they felt. They stopped trying to work things out between them. They stopped helping each other. So no, he did not know much about the hospital. Hayden was too busy in his own spiral of shattered mind to even think about what Josh might have gone through. “Joshua,” he whispered as he shifted to hold both sides of his face, ignoring the tears that fell, “you can tell me anything. Those fears in your heart. I can listen if you want to tell me. If you can say them. Because they are going to haunt you forever. I would know.” He smiled in a way that he hoped could reassure his husband. “And our son will always be there to save you like you will be there to save him. That’s why you’re together. Who can we trust more than our family?”​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan, Alexander Brennan and Luke Smith (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 23, 16, 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Josh heard Hayden’s whisper and felt him hold both sides of his head. They’d spent so long not communicating, so long not helping and listening. And Josh had dealt with it, poorly admittedly but he dealt with it. Now, he didn’t have to, and it was time to talk about the hospital. “I guess, I should start at the beginning.” He whispered, his voice soft and scared at the same time. “When I first went there, to meet up with Soren and help.. I was looking for Jacob, Logan and Mom. But they sent us to the basement to look for research on what was happening. The.. infected that were down there. There was so many, because, Seattle had the first cases a week ago. They’d been studying them in the basement of Lakehill. We didn’t know that until then. So we had infected going after our men. It was.. we almost didn’t get out.” Josh paused his words, his mind flashing back to that time. Fear shone in his eyes as he swallows hard. He needed a moment to calm himself.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

What Hayden remembered most of that day was the debilitating fear that Josh was not going to come home. He was so afraid that something was going to happen to the person who mattered the most. The images that haunted his mind were beyond terrifying, and they kept happening to Josh. To hear this now was better than if he heard it then. Though, their relationship would have been better had they been more up front about everything from the beginning. “How bad was it?” he asked softly as he rubbed Josh’s cheeks. He moved one hand to rub his back. “What did you see down there?”​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan, Alexander Brennan and Luke Smith (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 23, 16, 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Josh felt Hayden rub his cheeks, and the hand rub his back. "It was bad. There were bodies everywhere, infected were.. attacking our teammates. Soren and I were the only ones who got out the first time. And the second time we went down, we were told to kill any survivors, and there were survivors. Soren didn't want to kill them.. so I did it. And.. then we went to the lower levels. That was a mistake. There were so many infected, we lost men fast and we did a temporary seal on the door with desks and chairs. We were sup- supposed to go and seal it properly, but FEDRA just.. ignored it.." Josh swallowed as he felt tears continue to drip down his face.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

This was a lot to take in, and Hayden was ready to hear it. He was ready to know what hurt his husband all those years ago. This was one of the things that came between them. This was something that they should have talked about so many years ago. “That’s where you went today. That is the seal you checked.” This was not a question, because Hayden knew it was true. What they saw, witnessed, and lost that day, they had to face all over again today because they realized that what they did to make it good enough for that moment did not last this long. He thought about one of the confessions. Josh killed survivors. That was hard to take in, but really, when he thought about it, Hayden was not surprised. That was a long time ago, and Josh was being the good soldier boy. He did a lot of things that Hayden did not love.​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan, Alexander Brennan and Luke Smith (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 23, 16, 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Josh looked at him, hearing his words. There was no question and so he merely nodded. "Yes." He whispered, his eyes shining with the past and present clashing together. "We were just going to check it, Soren and I. Alone so we didn't risk the boys. But.. they came down anyway. And I was glad they did, I tripped on a body and was almost.. attacked and bitten by an infected. If Kai and Theo hadn't come down when they did.. I wouldn't be here now." He said softly. He loved his family, and he trusted them but he'd been trying so hard to keep his son from seeing that mess down there.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

Hayden rubbed Josh’s back, trying to soothe him as he spoke. It was so important that Josh say this as hard as it was for both of them to hear this. “He saved you. Of course our son was going to follow you down there. You raised him. You would never let someone go down there alone.” He pressed his forehead to Josh’s. “Even if they had someone with them. It’s a great thing that you have such a wonderful family to look after you too.” It hurt a lot that this hurt Josh so much. That was how it was with them. When one hurt, so did the other. It had been for a long time, only they didn’t know how it worked. They didn’t know how to be there for each other when that happened. “So that’s why Soren was so quiet today? Because of it all coming back?”​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan, Alexander Brennan and Luke Smith (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 23, 16, 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Josh felt Hayden rub his back as he swallowed hard, looking at his husband. Kaiden really was a wonderful man, and he was so thankful to have him as a son. "He.. is such a good man." He whispered as he felt the forehead press against his own. His eyes closed as he listened to Hayden speak, and he sighed softly, just barely nodding his head to that. "Yes. That is why he was so quiet. He froze the second time we were down there way back then, and then he froze again when he saw the seal had been broken." He said softly, remembering how Soren looked back then, and how he looked today.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

In all of their years, Hayden never knew Josh and Soren to seem so small. So helpless. There was something about the two of them that always made it seem like they would never have any problems. They were always so sure. Being shaken like this really scared him. That meant that there was something about this hospital and that basement that really got to them. That must have been so much. He ran a hand through Josh’s hair. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you had to go down there so many different times. I’m sorry that it’s something unresolved until now. I am sorry that it was so close.” He pulled him into a tight embrace. “But you’re here with me now. All of you are safe. You don’t have to do that again.”​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan, Alexander Brennan and Luke Smith (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 23, 16, 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Josh had never thought about the hospital after they left it the last time, but what he thought was something he'd stopped thinking about, really he'd just hidden how it made him feel. He felt the hand run through his hair as he listened to his husband's words. He fell into the tight embrace and sniffled as he took a deep breath. "It's not your fault. The first few times were.. FEDRA's fault, but.. we chose to check on it today. It was something that had to be done, and hopefully.. now we don't have to worry about it ever again." Josh said softly, pressing his face into Hayden's chest.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

Hayden knew a lot of things. That was the good or bad part of being everywhere and paying attention. Even if their relationship wasn’t the best all the time, he did notice how good and bad it was. He was aware of the struggles his husband had. “You did it. You and our family fought and overcame something tremendously scary. We cannot completely win against this. We are not enough to take on that entire basement. We cannot eradicate the world of things like the infected. We can’t even stop the scars, and those are people.” He continued running his hand through Josh’s hair. “But you beat this. No more worries. But I know how it is. I know how it is that you can’t get rid of it. It sticks around in your mind.”​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan, Alexander Brennan and Luke Smith (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 23, 16, 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Josh listened to his husband as he felt the hand continuing to run through his hair as he sighed softly. He knew his husband was right, and that it was simply impossible to eradicate the infected, or the scars or any other threat to their family. But beating internal demons was just as hard to do as well. "I understand my love, and I know that this is probably going to be something that I'll worry about for a while more, but I know that I have you to talk to, as you can talk to me. We should get some rest Hayden, it's been a long day." Josh said as he shifted his head out of Hayden's chest to kiss him gently before he curled back in and felt his eyes closing as he finally, with a deep sigh of relief, fell asleep.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

This was hard. It was probably harder than anything else than they had ever done, and that included navigating their rocky relationship. Fear was always the worst things to overcome. “Yes, it has.” The day being long seemed to be an understatement. It was longer than long. He held onto Josh and listened for his breathing to slow. He curled in close, running his fingers through his hair as soothingly as he could. “Tomorrow will be a kinder day,” he whispered to his sleeping love. Eventually, he too fell asleep and prepared for another day. What kept him going was the reality that it would be an entire day with Josh.​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan, Alexander Brennan and Luke Smith (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 23, 16, 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Josh was exhausted as he heard Hayden's voice, feeling him curl in close and the fingers running through his hair as he fell asleep. Unfortunately for Josh, his sleep was plagued with nightmares. Ones that had him tossing and turning the whole night but not were so bad they woke him up, until the last one near the morning. He was running down the stairs, racing towards the door. The door up above had been open and he couldn't find the boys. So there he was, opening the door to find Kaiden being bit and torn by a bloater. "No!" He cried out as he ran forward as he woke up, sitting up in bed and gasping, panting hard as his body trembled slightly.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

Sleep eventually came to Hayden as he lay there taking in the day. He thought much about the terrifying events of his boys’ day not too many hours prior. It made him really think about all those years ago when all of this started. It made him imagine a much younger Joshua following a much younger Soren down to the depths of a hospital overrun with the beginnings of an infection that would ruin the world. While Hayden was at home battling demons, so was Josh. It never really occurred to him how hard this was on his husband until today. He knew that it was hard. Of course it was hard. He ever knew just how much Josh was shoving away. He. Was suffering just as much and just as long as Hayden. He fell into a restless sleep to be jerked out of it by the sudden movement and gasps from the man laying in the bed with him. Hayden’s eyes shot open, and he took half a second to realize that it was Josh, one, and that it was okay, two. He slowly sat up and wrapped his arms around him. “Joshua,” he whispered. “Josh. Come back to me. It’s okay. Whatever you saw. It’s okay.” He was no stranger to seeing unwanted visions.​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan, Alexander Brennan and Luke Smith (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 23, 16, 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Josh was panting heavily as he slowly came to, his body still shaking slightly as he felt arms wrapped around him. He heard Hayden’s whispered words and turned into him, pushing himself into Hayden’s shoulders and chest. “I- It’s not.. okay Hayden. I- I saw Kai get.. he..” Josh pressed his face into his husband’s shoulder as he calmed down. “It wasn’t real.. not real at all. But it felt so real.” Josh’s voice trembled slightly as he took deep breaths. Calming himself. Breathing in and out. He focused on his husband as he sat there before he pulled his head back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up my love.” Josh said softly as he looked at Hayden with an apologetic look.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

Hayden knew what this was like. He knew how it felt when the dreams and the visions felt as real as the world. He held Josh close, because that was what helped Hayden. He always needed that reminder of what was actually there, and what wasn’t. The logical part of his brain so often knew that it was all made up, but that never seemed to be enough. “Don’t be sorry for worrying. That would be awfully hypocritical of me to expect that.” He smiled at him as he gently stroked his cheeks. “Whatever you saw happen to Kai was not real. You’re right. That doesn’t make it any less hard to see or remember. I would know.” He pressed their foreheads together. “I’m so sorry that you had to see anything at all that would make you feel that way.”​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan, Alexander Brennan and Luke Smith (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 23, 16, 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Josh pressed himself against Hayden, letting his husband be his grounder. It wasn't something he was used to if he was being honest, but he'd spent years holding everything in. Finally feeling like he had someone that he could spill everything to was very helpful. He heard Hayden's words and moved his head to look at him. The gentle stroke of his cheeks and Josh swallowed. The foreheads pressed together made a tear slip down his face. "I know it wasn't real, but it felt like it. And it could've been if they'd gone down on their own." He whispered, taking a deep breath. Then as if to interrupt his fears and tell him that reality did still exist, his stomach grumbled softly. "I think my body's trying to help you out with grounding me in reality." He joked, though his voice still held that little quiver, it was much stronger than it had been.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch, Theophilus Sharpe, and Ravi Akuna (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Members | 26, 22, 23 | Current location ;; Washington

“There are many things in this world that could have been real.” Hayden looked down at the grumbling stomach and smiled. It was just as well that they did not get too deep into that discussion. He could talk about a lot of things that felt so real that it hurt like that. He pulled away from his husband, though he took his hand in his own. “Let’s go satiate that hunger before you become a whole different kind of monster.” He paused as he began to move off of the bed so that he could kiss Josh sweetly. He smiled and slipped off so that he could change into other clothes. “And maybe we will see the boys while we are out there. That always helps me.”​