Every Ending is a Beginning

[ChibiMonkey]

It had hardly been twenty four hours, and Hideki was devastated. He honestly didn't know what to do with himself. Surprisingly, Izumi had been 'kind' enough to actually let Hideki keep the apartment they had been living together in. It seemed Izumi wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of that place, and away from Hideki. Really, it was harsh. Izumi had been so cruel about the whole break up, an honest jerk. He always had been a jerk, really, but Hideki loved the man too much and all he saw when he looked at the blond was hearts. Nothing less than that. It really was bad how in love Hideki had been with the man. He thought Izumi was just the same. But as of the other day, in the morning, it seemed that wasn't the case.


Now, Hideki was walking through the pouring cold rain, just drowning himself in his misery. He wasn't so bad enough as to walk out in the rain - though, maybe he would. But as he had been walking, it had started pouring a night summer shower. It was simply that when it started pouring out of no where, he didn't care enough to take cover. Actually, walking in the pouring rain didn't help Hideki at all. He thought it would clear his mind, walking. But now in the rain, it just made him think of Izumi all the more. He recalled that he would often walk in rain for fun, enjoying it. He'd then come back, soaking wet, and Izumi would scold him and get him towels, clean and warm him up, drying him and everything. The thoughts made his heart clench more in pain.


Hideki was so lost in thought, that at some point, he had ended up on a bridge over a running river in town. It was a fairly high bridge over the water, about averagely so. But now standing there on it, he sighed heavily to himself as he leaning against the railing, looking over it. He hesitated a moment, considering all thoughts once over in his head once more before he carelessly climbed onto the other side of the railing, where maybe about half a foot or a foot of the bridge ground came out from on the other, open side of the railing. Hideki had to hold onto the railing behind him to keep from falling. He didn't come outside with intent of killing himself. But right now, soaked in his misery - quiet physically and mentally - it seemed like a good idea. He slowly let go of the railing, gravity of unbalance pulling him forward to the open space, where he closed his eyes and just imaging falling into the cold, running river water, falling through the air, waiting for gravity to pull him and his feet off that smallest bit of ledge left, his body already moving forward towards the open space.

 

[Beware the Boa]

The alarm was beeping, but he just tuned it out. Sleep was more important, sleep was the best thing ever.. Until the light his is face, and he realized he had work. His stomach twisted about as he flung the covers off and pushed himself out of bed. He rushed through his morning, groomed himself and dressed himself, skipping food to make it on time. If there weren't any other hitches, he could probably make it with time to grab coffee. His jacket came off the hook with a loud "rip"; he had pulled it off the nail carelessly and ripped the hook tag off of it. A groan left his mouth and he pulled on the jacket, taking his backpack and his keys and rushing into the garage.


"Come on, baby, you're alright, please just start-" he muttered to his car, as if begging would help it start. He turned the key, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Great. It was pouring rain, his car wouldn't start, and he was running late. Sighing, he slipped the keys from the ignition and slipped them into his pocket. "Come here on time, or don't come at all" he was told. Running in the rain seemed a better option than getting fired at that point, so he slipped off his jacket, opened the door, and jumped out. He kicked the door shut, held his jacket up as a makeshift umbrella, then took off in a run.


The hospital was another mile away, but the only way there was across the bridge unless he wanted to swim. Bad memories surrounded that bridge, so he had always avoided it, but getting fired would be worse than his flashbacks. The rain began to come down heavier and heavier, making it harder to see in front of him. He almost missed it; the figure standing over the railing, arms outstretched, leaning into the lethal fall. His heart stopped, his jacket dropped, and he took towards the railing at full speed. He nearly threw himself off the bridge along with the stranger trying to catch him, wrapping his arm around their torso and pulling them back towards the rail.


He was caught by his scrubs on the railing, keeping him from going over and into the water, but for all he knew the stranger was held there only by his arms.

 

[ChibiMonkey]

As he was waiting for the fall, the wind to sweep violently through his hair and his body to be tossed into the unforgiving waves in this storm, nothing came. None of his silent hopes reached him as after a moment or two he felt himself being yanked back rather forcefully. He had gasped out both in surprise and pain as his back collided into the railing and something warm - another person, he guessed? His eyes had flown wide open at the sudden change of events as the force of being yanked away from the edge caused him to collide into the being who had grabbed him, causing them both to go tumbling and fumbling back over the railing and onto the cold, hard, and flooding sidewalk on the edge of the bridge.


It took a minute or two for Hideki to realize what happened, and he groaned slightly in pain as he winced, squinting his eyes open as his vision cleared onto the figure and face of a man beneath him on the ground. He blinked a bit, staring at the man before realizing the awkward position that they were in, and quickly fumbled himself off of the other, landing on his rear beside him "W-who the hell are you?" he suddenly asked, not really knowing what else to say in this moment. While his entire face and eyes were void of any emotions, he still had to wonder why someone had just stopped him, and saved him.


Someone might think Hideki wasn't thinking, or momentarily lost his mind or something. But after it all happened, and even now sitting here in a puddle and thinking back about his actions and what he was just about to do, even after someone nearly risked themselves to save him....he realized he hadn't lost his mind, or done something stupid. Throwing himself off that bridge still seemed like the right decision to him, and he was starting to regret he hadn't made his mind up a moment sooner, so as to prevent himself from being saved and here right now.

 

[Beware the Boa]

Time seemed to skip the split seconds that counted. One second he had the man in his arms, the next he was on the ground with the man on top, then he was staring at them as they moved away. His heart was beating faster than a race horse, his scrubs ripped where they were caught, the skin scratched underneath. He crawled closer to Hideki, then looked him over for any injuries he may have gotten; either self-inflicted or from falling back over the railing. The flooding sidewalk had flushed away his jacket, leaving him with just his backpack and the contents of his pockets.


"You just.. You were.. Oh god-" he fumbled, his mind still stuck in a panic. His scrubs were soaked, he was soaked, the chill setting into his bones. The phone in his pocket was saved only by the "waterproof" casing it came with, though it wasn't good for much more than the one action he needed most. "Whatever shit you're going through, there is no way in hell it's worse than hitting that water the split second you realize you don't want to." he spoke through his teeth, putting his phone to his ear. "I need-" he stopped, took a breath, then continued "I need an ambulance.. Attempted suicide on the bridge- yeah, that one.." he faltered, watching Hideki like a hawk, ready to grab him and pin him back to the sidewalk if he did anything stupid.


He was angry. He was angry and he was scared; he was angry because he was scared. He stared at the man, who looked fresh out of his teenage years, with no feelings towards him; only feelings towards his actions. "Do you know what would have happened if you had fell? If you had gotten what you wanted?" his voice was thick with fear and adrenaline.

 

[ChibiMonkey]

Seeing the other ignore him and suddenly very close, Hideki flinched, pulling away from him and feeling uncomfortable as the other was scanning him over for any injuries or anything else. He frowned a bit as he distanced himself from the other a bit "You're creeping me out" he huffed, as though what he himself had just attempted wouldn't freak someone out. He eyes the other as he started stumbling and fumbling over his own words, before suddenly lecturing him and acting as though he knew what was good for him. His eyes darkened as they narrowed into a glare at the other "Who the hell are you to tell me whats worse" he snapped, finding himself not liking this male as he looked away from him in irritation. He hated people like that...acting like they were all high and mighty, knowing what pain was better and what wasn't. He mentally scoffed at the thought as his emotionless eyes watched the cares uncaringly driving by them without a single care about them.


Hearing the other suddenly on the phone calling an ambulance, he frowned and turned his gaze back at the other "I'm not hurt..." he said looking at the other "Did you get hurt on the fall?" he asked, glancing and seeing the tear in his scrubs, but not enough for it to be anything serious. He then heard the words scuicide, and realized the male was calling for him. Narrowing his eyes again, he stood up "I'm not harmed, I don't need an ambulance" he said as he turned away from the other "I'd say thank you, but I don't really care why you saved me" he said as he looked back at him.


Hearing him asking about what he was thinking and what would have happened, Hideki responded, eyes and voice completely void of emotion as he stared at the other "Of course I know. I would have died" he said "Well, at least I hope I would of" he muttered before turning away from the other again, hearing the ambulance in the distance and wanting to leave before it arrived, he began walking away.

 

[Beware the Boa]

Brandon came to his feet, then grabbed Hideki's clothes to keep him in place. "You hope so. Those that survive the fall are very clear in how it feels to survive something like that. Before you hit the water, you'll realize you've made a mistake. And then you hit, and you crush your bones and organs; if you survive the initial impact, you'll drown in a mixture of blood and water. If you don't drown, then you get to live with being crippled. How does that sound? And what would happen if we had both went over? Either you land on me and I die, or I land on you and you die. Either way, someone has to live with the shame and guilt of killing another person."


"And even if you died without taking me over, who would you be leaving? Your friends? Your family? Just because you end doesn't mean your memories do too, they would be devastated, even if you don't think so. Just because dying seems the best option, doesn't mean-" he stopped, "That doesn't mean it is!" he was almost yelling, his voice being drowned out by the approaching sirens. Tears burned his eyes, the anger and fear had turned into guilt and sadness. "Just because you're in a bad place doesn't mean you can just leave. Leaving behind sadness means leaving behind happiness, too."


The ambulance had pulled to the curb, and EMTs poured from the back door. His grip dropped from Hideki's clothes, and he simply stared. "You have to go to the hospital after something like this. They'll take you in, give you a check up, then send you to the psych wing. You'll be on lockdown for three days, then if you're better you'll get released." he looked at where his scrubs had been ripped and the skin scratched, then sighed a shaky sigh. "Run and they'll find you. Cooperate and we can try to keep you out of the newspaper."

 

[ChibiMonkey]

As he went to leave, he stumbled a bit as he felt the back of his shirt suddenly grabbed and he frowned, turning around to face the other "What do you care?" he hissed "You don't even know me. You'll forget all about this in a week or two" he scoffed as he pulled away from the other with a slight glare, not a fan of how stubborn he was being with him. He listened as the other explained how the fall would go, and what it would bit like. "So basically what you're telling me is to find a less painful way to kill myself? Thanks for the head up" he said a bit sardonically. "If it weren't for you sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, there would be no worry about you falling with me, either. So that wouldn't have been my fault" he said with a frown "I'm not trying to hurt anyone else. In fact, I would be making people happy if I died" he said with a frown, eyes saddening again as he thought about his now ex boyfriend, glancing away at the flooding road.


"There are no memories, no relationships that would be phased by my passing. I have no family. The few friends I have would cry for a bit maybe, but then forget all about me. Some people would be happy I was entirely gone..." he muttered as tears started to fall down his face - though it was hard to tell with the pouring rain. "You don't know me....you know absolutely nothing....so don't act as if you do!" he snapped back at the other when he equally yelled back at him. "Any happiness I have.....any of it....it all reminds me of pain and sadness. So there's no point in living for the happy memories, because....because they have become the sad ones" the tears on his face equally mixing with the pouring rain, making it impossible to distinguish them. Through their argument, it was then that the ambulance had arrived, one EMT each going to both Hideki, and Brandon.


As he listened to what the stranger was telling him, he felt resentment, and even more bitter pain welling up inside him. The psych wing, huh? He nearly scoffed. This was ridiculous....so...because he was in so much pain emotionally...that meant he was crazy? He was crazy for feeling this much emotion? Bitter tears fell down his face as he clutched his fist. This isn't what he wanted - this isn't what he even needed. But as he was urged into the ambulance, he didn't protest, honestly not having the emotional strength to even do so.

 

[Beware the Boa]

((I'm not going to be able to reply for a while, something came up. I feel really bad ;; If you want to ditch me because of it I'd totally understand))