Fantasy ☾ eclipse of the heart.| (syntra + starboob = synboob.)

starboob · Aug 4, 2021

"Worms?" the Sun queen chuckles, her laughter bouncing off the golden walls, sounding like the sweetest song. She hands the letter to Sol, who kneels on the hard ground before Helia's throne. "Oh, my she is really starting to lose her edge. I also find it quite preposterous to claim we kidnapped her little brat. That arrogant cretin handed herself over. Such a shame she escaped," all four eyes dart towards the Sun heiress, who squeaks at the mention of that particular incident. "Such a shame she had to be born in the wrong court. Luna squanders her talents. Had she been my daughter? I imagine this little war would have ended aeons ago."

That... That hurts in this surface level kind of way, Sol can admit that. Helia is not a mom she wants to impress and still, the kid in her does want her approval. But she wants Helia to approve of her for who she is, not the dumb mold her mom is trying to squeeze her into. Sol remains quiet while Helia paces. Her eyes are downcast. Her knees are starting to ache from the hard marble floors.

"A daughter like Selene... I could have entrusted this entire operation to her, but you and..." the queen dare not speak that disappointment's name, "Ugh, how you can be poured from such radiance only to be dwarfs... such is my curse I suppose," she mutters, almost seeming to lose her train of thought and forgetting that Sol is the room. "I have come to the conclusion that you are not fit for this throne, Sol. I have known for quite some time––I wish you truly could shine as bright as you are meant, but you continue to squander your talents on childish fantasies. This queendom cannot be left in your hands for a circus would surely come of it. Of course, the nature of the heavens dictate the Sun rule the luminary throne, thus I am stuck. We are stuck." (Okay, this roasting Sol session is becoming, um, super uncool!) "Thankfully, I have paired you with a most excellent match who will surely know what it means to be a queen."

Sol tilts her head. She really would love to talk, but since her jaw was sealed shut following the incident that has been out of the question. (Ugh, she's so thungry (thirsty+hungry) too... Not that she needs to do those things to survive, being a goddess and all, but still. She misses the simple pleasure of consumption.)

"This is something you shall never speak of, daughter," Helia starts, casting a spell over her daughter's tongue, "Only you, myself, and that darling spawn of Mars know this. You are to become a puppet. More than that, a living supply of magical energy for Mars. Your wedding day shall seal this fate and while you will be crowned, it is only a headpiece you shall wear. You have lost your right to this throne, this queendom."

The spell on her jaw is released and all the Sun heiress does is let it drop––she doesn't know to say. To be honest, she is sorta torn between being super grateful and super offended! On the one hand, no responsibilities are the bees knees! Then on the other hand, she doesn't want to be a living sack of nothing. She also doesn't think Mars Jr. is going to be great queen. Likely, she will just be more of the same and Sol doubts she'll be able to make anyone smile (well, her jokes are kind of funny but she's definitely not as sparkly or bubbly as Sol, queen of making people smile). Okay, so she can't let her mom do this. Yeah, that's pretty freakin' obvious. Shoot. In a rare show of desperation and seriousness, she shuffles forward and grabs her mom's skirts, begging, "... Let me prove myself to you. You said I ooze potential, more or less, let me show you that I can be that kick-butt daughter you want! I'm really smart and pretty and it would be a lot better to have an actual heiress making sure the court's affairs on in order––please, mom. Helia. I'm done screwing around. I know I've embarrassed you, but I'll do anything. If I fail, then fine. Turn me into a Sol-less sack. Take my powers away immediately if you have to––I'm serious! Just give me a shot. I-I'll be more like Selene."

***

That's more or less why Sol finds herself at the edge of the demonic realm. 'Reason with the demon queens. Alright...' Sounds. Well, not easy. Demons aren't exactly known for being reasonable and recently they just got two HBIC who pretty much only do what they freakin' want. Basically, she's being set up for failure and she might as well start kissing her freedom goodbye (not that she ever had much to begin with) and kissing Mars' perfect butt. (Seriously, other than Selene's, she has never seen a better butt. Wow. She gets why a certain branch of authors choose to call them 'perfect hemispheres.') Ugh.

But a defeatist attitude won't help either! She's gotta do this with a smile. Maybe the demon queens will see how cute and sweet she is and agree to align themselves with the Sun court and lend some troops. Never underestimate the power of pretty privilege, that's what she likes to say! So with a brave step forward, she enters ~*~the demonic realm~*~ (MWAHAHAHA!).

"Yellow! Anyone home? Anyone have directions to the palace?" Conveniently, the trees before her part and show her the path to the palace! Neat. A short half hour later and she's knocking on the gates. "Hi, Sun princess here! I need an audience with the queens. Royal to royal, yanno. Real diplomatic. Real important! Um, I'll give you a purple nurple if you don't open up." Yeah, yeah, yeah that's totally what Selene would do. Mhm.

Syntra · Aug 5, 2021

"Have you booked a visit?" The voice was disembodied and thus also utterly cut off from any sort of visual, but somehow, Sol could tell that it belonged to someone hot. There was this... hot girl arrogance to it? Nobody without the most perfect jawline could manage to insert that much contempt into a single sentence, that was for sure. "I ask, have you booked a visit, bitch? The queens are busy people. Today, Her Highness Inna wishes to bully her royal wife into watching Azumanga Daioh with her. What makes you think that you are more important than that?" And, aaah, there she was! ...or wasn't, technically speaking, but Sol could at least glimpse her likeness in one of those devices that humans called 'cameras'. (Naturally, her first impression had been right. The babe was perfect-- tall and slender, with long, dark hair and the sort of appeal usually associated with stern teachers. One could easily imagine herself asking her to step on her! Her outfit, which btw was largely made of leather, only supported those super important fantasies.)

"Ooh, a fucking princess?" another voice blared from the speakers, tinged with a Russian accent. "Man oh man, that's exciting. Kind of, I guess. Say, Anastasia, is she pretty?"

The assistant, now known as Anastasia, frowned. "She... does have the pretty privilege, I suppose. What does that have to do with anything, though? I thought you were pretty sent on monogamy?"

"We are, buuut I refuse to associate myself with uglies. Ugliness is fucking infectious, I swear." For a second, there was a deep, deep silence. (Could the queen be thinking? Weighing the pros and cons carefully, like a real monarch?) "I dunno, Azumanga still seems more fucking appealing. I finally got Liora drunk enough, too! What does this chick bring to the table? Like, good fucking job at being born from the right set of ovaries, but other than threats, she seems to have nothing going for her. Kind of like the last bitch we fridged."

"Oh, but that one was pretty, too. Don't say that your living room doesn't look sooo much nicer with her in it!"

"...I guess," the queen sighed, in the tone of someone who had seen too much shit to really be fazed. "So, do we have to deal with her now? 'Cause I don't fucking think so. We're the queens, so we're way higher on the social fucking ladder. How can a princess just come here and demand an audience?"

"Uh, your highness, she appears to be the future sun goddess," Anastasia pointed out. "Not to influence your decisions or anything, but you might want to take that into account."

"Who fucking cares?" the woman exploded, in a very blonde manner. (Yep, a blonde manner. Don't question it.) "'Oooh, look at me, I'm the sun! I travel across the sky and shit, 'cause I'm just so fucking cool. I give people cancer and expect to be congratulated for it.' Well, you know what I think? I think that her bum ass should get a real fucking job. A sun goddess, pffft! What does she think this is, fucking middle ages? People just don't care about religious shit anymore! Demonic feudalism is all the rage now, I'm telling ya."

Probably sensing an impeding diplomatic catastrophe, Anastasia turned the speaker off. "Ehm. What Her Highness Inna meant to say was... uhhh... that you need to prove that you're worthy of an audience first. She just has a very peculiar way of speaking." As the demon said her piece, the ground around Sol moved-- it sort of slid backwards, gradually, to reveal what could only be described as a badass fucking arena. No, really, it had everything! Hellfire blazing from the floor at random intervals, captured spirits begging for mercy, oddly-colored frogs with gang tattoos. If you looked closely enough, you could even spot half-melted p*liticians and b*llionaires! (In the background, anime battle music was blasting from the speakers. Apparently, the queens... liked sticking to a theme? Admirable, from a certain standpoint. The weebiness of it all was kind of overwhelming, though, and it made one fear the inevitable tentacles.)

"Alright," Anastasia looked at her perfectly manicured nails, "your task is to, as Her Highness Inna would say, 'fuck shit up.' Like, you're competing for their attention here. It's either Azumanga or you, pal, and you're at a severe disadvantage. If you destroy their property in a flashy enough way, though? I'm sure they'll come around!" she waved her hand, as if it was no big deal at all. "Don't worry. The arena gets destroyed, like, every other Friday, when one of Her Highnesses has a meltdown over some new show not being gay enough. I keep telling them not to watch those shitty series, but they just aren't wise enough to be careful with their own hearts."

starboob · Aug 5, 2021

The demonic realm being full of hotties makes a lot of sense to Sol. Hotties are always persecuted for their crimes of being so beautiful––she should know, as the most persecuted person in all of existence. Already, she can see herself building a strong case for why the demons should totally side with the Sun court and lend their aid––hotties supporting hotties, it's a basic law of physics and no one is immune to physics. Well, maybe demons are? They do have their own realm and everything... Hmm, Sol won't get too caught up in the weeds before that's necessary! Besides, she's being offered a challenge that she for sure, 100 percent, knows she can accomplish! She messes things up all the time so a little arena destruction will be a cinch. Like, what's an arena to destroying a whole palace, huh? (Well, she guesses that one was kind of a joint effort, but still!)

"Sweet! Well, I hope that I impress her Inna-ness and her Liora-ness. They sound like really swell gals. Very wholesome that they watch anime together. I don't think my fiancée would want to watch anime with me. Mostly because I don't think she knows what anime is even though I have tried to explain the concept a zillion times. She ended up taking me to a play and asked if that was like the 'animes' I'm always talking about. I had to tell her that theater dorks are way worse than weebs. Like, for so many reasons. At least you can avoid weebs irl by just putting down your phone," whatever that is, "and going outside. Theater kids live in the outdoors and before you know it! Bam, they're singing something from the Wicked soundtrack like this is an episode of Glee––"

"Jesus fucking Christ," a new hot voice snaps over the intercom before Anastasia can cut the connection, "Is that bitch just going to use all of our air for her inane ramblings?!"

Okay, okay. Sol takes that as her cue to shut up and get a moving lest she screw up this assignment! And she really can't afford to screw up as her life literally depends on it! She doesn't want to be a puppet :^( The weeb dungeon doesn't even seem that intimidating to Sol. Like, she does have it under good authority that she recently went through a pretty anime level transformation herself so she is reasonably convinced that she is built for this. Mhm! Now should she announce her attacks like in certain anime or just go for it? Should she scream for three episodes while her tragic backstory is revealed?

After a moment (.2 seconds) of deliberation, she decides to do this Sol style. She bounces up and down, rocking her head from side to side to pump herself up, and even starts to groove to the music. Then? Then she ignores everything in the arena and instead just grows a really tall tree and hops into the queens' opera box. "Hi, I'll make this quick," she starts, waving then proceeding to immediately trip out of her tree, landing flat on her face before the queens. (The one that looks more like a Liora, you know the one with the way cool face scar, is currently giving her the most disgusted and unimpressed look ever––she's also wearing a gengar hoodie. Unrelated, but she also gives Sol major older sister vibes. Specifically, scary older sister vibes. The kind that lurks around the corner when your friends are over and just glares, because your fun is disrupting her precious AP test prep.) "Can I watch Azumanga Daioh with you?" she asks, looking up at the queens with her best pls adopt me eyes. "Tricycles are easier to ride than bicycles so I think three wheels are nice. Please? I've had a really rough last couple of months and I just need to chill, you know? I love anime. Big appreciator of the fine arts."

Liora looks at Sol like she's a fly she wants to swat. Gulp. The big sis queen turns to her partner, the total dreamboat babe queen, her gaze completely melting and even a slight smile showing itself (super cute!). "Inna, baby," she runs her fingers through her wife's hair, "Fire that fucking bimbo. Literally. By royal fucking degree, I demand it. Anastasia is fucking worse than Anette and Alessia." Then the scary queen cuts over to Sol and her loving gaze turns to freaking ice, but the sunbeam doesn't let that intimidate her. She will be adopted!!! "Do we look like we wasted our fucking time becoming useless fucking therapists to you? We're not your fucking self-care, self-love, oo-woo, 'ur so valid bby' outlet. What even gives you the right to make such a fucking request? Do you hate lesbians or something? Are you trying to ruin our fucking marriage? That breaks, like, 700 of our laws." (That Liora wrote btw.)

"Ahh!" Sol squeaks, getting up and dusting off her skirt, "No, no, no! I just wanna be friends. You two seem really cool. I really liked what you said about the Sun," she says to Inna, doing a little curtsy, "She's so not all that. Um, but," she eyes Liora, giving her a little curtsy, and pegging her as a total nerd. "It's part of the ancient, um, demon-luminary court agreement. We gotta hang. Demon realm gets part of its protection slash powers from the luminary courts––real archaic stuff, don't look it up. It's, uh, written in Sun-Latin. Like pig-Latin but... You shuffle around everything, like verbs get yeeted to the end of sentences, and just don't look into it. But I promise––hey! Puppy!" The puppy in question is a full grown husky that immediately tackles Sol and starts licking her face. The sunbeam giggles and embraces her sweet fluffy death. "What a good puppy! Your puppy likes me so you have to like me, that's definitely a law!"

Syntra · Aug 6, 2021

"I don't fucking know," Inna signed. "We're just too popular for this shit. Like, there's an actual fucking queue for people who want to become our friends, y'know? We have to reject like 80% of them, too, to maintain the air of exclusivity. You can't just fucking accept randos into your life! Not when you're a queen. Fuckers might start to think that they're on your level, and that's just sooo dangerous. Can't have the monarchy fucking collapse on itself." Absent-mindedly, the demon queen ruffled her wife's hair-- the gesture was so casual that she must have done it, like, at least 7000 times before. "Then again, she does seem to have a good taste in anime. I can respect that shit. Too many people fucking look down on the art form because ewww, waifus or hurr durr, I'm too mature to have fun. What do you think, Li?" she batted her blue eyes, once again invoking her blonde ways. (He, he, he! You know what they said about blondes, right? Right? ...anyway, moving on.)

"We should totally fire Anastasia, though. The bitch has gotten way too controlling. I think I caught her counting the calories in my meals? The fucking disrespect! As if I, the wonderful Inna Orlovskaya, could ever gain weight. And like, if I did, it would allll go to the right parts." Come to think of it, Inna couldn't imagine a single reason why they hadn't fired her pathetic ass yet-- well, aside maybe from them being too busy with xxx and xxx all the time to really care about any of that. Truly, neglect created the best job opportunities! No more, though, because that shit wasn't going to fly. Just, nope. Anastasia had crossed the fucking line, the lazy pig that she was! With a yawn, the queen pressed an ominous-looking red button, and beamed at her wife when the faint 'aaaaaah!' scream reached their ears. "Anything for my Li," she purred. "See how good of a girl I can fucking be? I am abiding by the law and everything. It gives me so much pleasure to obey. Does that make you all hot and bothered, hmm? I think I fucking know how to rectify that." One could practically hear the saxophone music in the background, really, except that then Inna noticed that they still weren't alone. Le sigh. Could other people, like, stop existing? None of them had ever done anything even remotely useful for them, and it just made sense for Inna to judge them according to that metric. If you didn't live to serve the hot demon queens, then what was the fucking point, even? Worshiping your capitalist overlords? Yeeeah, at that point, it was objectively better to kick the goddamn bucket.

"Hmm," Inna pursed her lips, "I guess you can stay for now. You've redeemed yourself with your anime appreciation. I do hope you aren't one of those fucking plebeians who enjoy Chobits, though? Because, for that crime, I'd have to kick your sorry ass to the eternity and back." Yep, that was the one (1) law Inna had penned! ...so what? It was important not to surround yourself with trash media, my dude. Besides, all of scientists worth their salt unanimously agreed that liking Chobits actively corroded your brain, episode by episode. The CLAMP plague fucking had to be stopped at all costs!!!

Anyway, their fluffy friend proceeded to confirm that Sol was a bro, actually, and immediately, Inna's opinion of her improved by 100%. "Omg Li, can you see it? That really is a law! Like, I don't think we have to like like her, but that is a proof that we should give her a fucking chance. Everyone knows that dogs are the best judges of character ever. If a dog vouched for a mass fucking murderer, I'd believe they were innocent in a heartbeat. Are you a mass murderer, btw?" she turned to Sol. "I'm not fucking judging you, don't worry! Just trying to expand my circle of friends and I found out the mass murderer rep there sure is severely lacking," Inna blabbed happily, as she always did, her arm wrapped around Liora. (Aww, cute!)

"And, like, what the fuck do you want from us? Just for the sake of transparency, I'll let you know right now that we aren't fucking lifting a finger for your bitch-ass kingdom. Like, we have earned our fancy retirement. Are you even aware of how much we went through just to claim our crowns? I'd tell you, but honestly, all of that shit would probably take up an entire roleplay thread." (...what? Although, come to think of it, certain questions were probably better off unanswered. You know, to preserve one's sanity and the like.)

"If you're fine with that, though? I guess we can show you around," Inna sighed, in a tone of someone who had accepted their fate. "Look, this is our TV. Yeah, yeah, humans are fucking shit, but some of their inventions are kinda valid. Plus, I suppose that they cannot be entirely shit? Since we happen to be ex-humans. Somewhere in their DNA, there is a smidgen of awesomeness amidst the piles of shit! Okay, this is our bed, our guillotine, our pretentious paintings from the Italian renaissance era, and, uh... our decorative Selene, I guess. Don't fucking ask-- I can't understand it, either." And, as strange as it was? That description was apt, for Sol truly was looking at her rival! Except that, you know, it was actually her corpse.

starboob · Aug 7, 2021

"Excuse you," Liora smiles (obviously at her wife), pushing her shoulder, "Eager aren't we? If you continue to be so fucking greedy, you're going to regret it later." Casually, she licks the demon babe's neck and nibbles on her earlobe, whispering, "Good girls..."

Sol looks away and politely turns off her ears. She's no creep. 'Cool buttresses. Hehehehe.'

After a few minutes, Liora seems to also remember that they aren't alone and she rolls her eyes––apparently her signature eye-move. She glares at the sunbeam but, thanks to passing the puppy test, she does appear less murderous than before. Less murderous. Sol's convinced her murderability just went down by at least 25 percent thanks to the puppy licking her face. (The puppy rolls over for tummy rubs and the sunbeam happily supplies.) Liora purses her lips tightly together then relents. "I don't believe in three strikes. You have one chance. If you fuck up? Inna will find a pretty spot for your corpse on our walls." You know, since Liora was banned from the decoration committee after unironically suggesting they keep everything plain to avoid cluttering their space. (A ban she did try to fight, but Inna had a particularly convincing, uh, argument that day/night/week and... Well, now she lives in an aesthetic mess, but she doesn't seem to mind.)

"Cool, cool, cool. I'll try to last. I mean, admittedly, I'm pretty bad at not effing up," she decides to try to sound as cool as these queens by almost saying the 'fuck' word (oops!). "I think there's actually a strong rumor going around the courts that 'Screw Up' is my middle name. That isn't true btw. I don't have a middle name. Or a last name," she taps her chin thoughtfully as she gets up from the ground, much to the puppy's utter horror, and follows the demon queens for a tour of the estate. At Inna's question, her heart twists. Well, at least she's not being judged. "Um, I don't really like labels, but I did accidentally mass m-word a whole village in a fit of blinding rage. I'm no good at keeping my cool with fire magic involved, haha," she laughs awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck, "and I guess when I was a kid and maybe human, my ex-bestie and I accidentally killed our girl gang and inadvertently caused our entire hometown to burn since their ghosts turned into angry fire spirits... Idk how true that story is though. I'm kinda hoping that was a hallucination." She shrugs and shoves her hands into the pockets of her dress.

"Oh, just link me to the thread, then. I'll link you to mine," she smiles, not even questioning the meta-ness of the statement. "Yeah, you two seem to be at your happy ending, so I won't get you caught up in my shiz. That so wouldn't be fair," she nods, feeling a little crestfallen that she's totally going to get turned into the equivalent of a ventriloquist dummy, but a cute one not a creepy one. She sighs, shoulders dropping.

Liora seems to notice this and, maybe it's her big sister energy activating, but she unfolds her arms and sighs, "We won't come out of retirement. I'm done seeing Inna fucking fall out of the sky because she can't hold onto her sword or hallucinating her in various states of fucking death," valid, "but we do have a list of bitches we wouldn't mind see dying." She strokes Inna's arm and squeezes her hand (awww!). "Especially if it will keep you sky bitches from coming knocking at our door. Like, for fuck's sake, why the fuck can't you bitches finish your petty little wars on your own? I swear, half our fucking audience requests are from you petty fucking goddesses, ugh. Like, Jesus fucking Christ, get a fucking grip? Fight your own fucking fights. Not like we ever had any help and we fucking took over the entire demon realm on our fucking own. I'm not convinced you little bitches are even that all powerful if a little tiff requires back-up."

"Impressive. Valid points, too," Sol nods, feeling a little better that she might have some hope. Well, until she looks at Selene's corpse. Shoot. She should probably do something about that, right? It definitely breaks her promise to her mom that she'd be more like Selene + helping the enemy is what got her into major trouble last time. Her head still hasn't recovered from all that... nevermind. She shudders. Still, between what is right and doing what she's told? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Why did she have to be built like this? Why is she so severely lacking in 'stay in your freaking lane' juice. "Uhhhhh, that's an impressive piece," she nods, stepping closer to her rival-person's body. A shiver runs down her spine. "Is she an original? I feel like she isn't supposed to be here, tbh. I mean, not questioning your taste, but... I dunno. Compared to your other stuff, I'm not sure a decorative Selene really makes this place pop. I'd, um, be willing to take her off your hands for you and find a suitable replacement piece?"

Syntra · Aug 7, 2021

Sol's confession about being a total fuck up seemed to touch something deeply in Inna, because her expression turned... uhh, sympathetic? Or at least as sympathetic as a demon queen who had murdered her way to the throne could possibly manage to look, anyway. "Enough with the defeatist fucking attitude, okay? Like, you were born with power! Destined to rule! I'm sure that at least 500 prophecies revolve around your birth alone, so don't fucking pretend you're some Oliver Twist-ass street urchin thirsty for validation. That's not going to work here, baby. Take all that sweet, sweet magic you inherited and make it your own. I literally can't believe you're even sucking up to us? I know, I know, we're awesome and everything," she smiled, with blonde confidence, "buuuut you're supposed to be a goddess. A next level being. Come the fuck on, can't you at least try and deliver in that department? I genuinely expected you'd smite us for denying you that audience, and yet here we fucking are! I'm only saying all of that because I like you, btw," Inna added. "Boomers call it 'tough love.' I feel that, in some alternate universe, we totally would have gotten high together, y'know? And I value that bond too much. I bet you would have opened my third fucking eye!" (Uh huh, damn straight. For some reason, Sol was 100% wrapped in the bff aura, and when even their doggo recognized the fact, Inna could no longer deny it.)

Sol's mass murdering activities, on the other hand, caused Inna to get all misty-eyed. "Aww, dude, I'm getting nostalgic over here! Don't worry, people accidentally murder other people all the fucking time. It's like, the planet's main self-regulatory mechanism. When I was still human, I'm pretty sure I engaged in some recreational cannibalism? The point is, I'm really not judging you here. I bet you had your reasons. Or you didn't! Who fucking cares? It's not like anyone is going to notice a few NPCs missing." Somewhere along the line, it seemed, Inna had turned into a major Sol supporter-- maybe she really was going to get adopted! Knowing that her story would have at least one (1) aspect of a proper happy ending must have been so incredibly cathartic. "Just a little tip for the future: no matter what happens, don't murder your gf. That never goes well, unless she happens to be, like, immortal. Even then, it's always a whole-ass mess. It seems like only princesses and pirates can get away with that sort of shit, you feel me? Their plot armor is always too badass." When Liora spoke, Inna nodded, so fervently that one might worry about the state of her neck. Wow! This union, like, totally embodied the one soul in two bodies trope. (She didn't fail to clutch her wife's hand firmly, either. Apparently, their mutual supportiveness levels were off the charts-- chronic assholes like Selene could learn a thing or two from them.)

When Sol expressed an interest in their precious decoration, though? Inna folded her arms over her chest. "You fucking insulting my taste, punk? I'll have you know that this is the best version of Selene that is currently available on the market. Not even fucking joking here. She doesn't speak, which is like, 100% improvement from her default self. I also think that she's a little prettier than she usually tends to be. I dunno, maybe the anger isn't as pronounced?" Inna inched closer to the corpse (?), inspecting her with the eye of an undeniable expert. "Yup. If you ask for my opinion, the bitch definitely did get to release some of that sweet, sweet tension! You know what I mean? Li was the same before she finally chilled the fuck out." ...using that very same method, doubtlessly. Good for them, right? Ah, good endings could be so invigorating! Especially when they were given to two undeserving bitches, because villain rights were incredibly valid.

"So, are you trying to fucking scam me?" Inna raised her eyebrow. "You've picked the wrong queen for that, pal, because Inna Awesome Orlovskaya knows her shit! This isn't even her first Seleneo." (...rodeo? The pun didn't really work, but that had never stopped Inna before.) Determined to prove her point, the queen walked towards a big, big wardrobe standing in the middle of the room. She opened it, and when she did? A whole pile of Selenes burst out, like blood out of open wound. All of them were dead, and yet decay hadn't dared to touch those bodies-- for all Sol knew, they could have died yesterday. "See?" Inna smirked. "Not gonna fucking fool me. Still, I'm not heartless, so I guess you can have one. It's not like we're using all of them. Oooh, we can treat it like a personality test! Man, I'm so excited-- I have never had a bff to do those tests with, so my teenage years were severely fucking lacking. Quick, pick one Selene and I'll tell you what your wedding will be like!"

starboob · Aug 8, 2021

From this day onward, Sol is committed to the demon apologist lifestyle. Sure, they may commit mass crimes against humanity but as far as Sol is concerned? Of all the criminals in her life (pretty much everyone btw in case you were wondering), the demon queens are the nicest, friendliest, and sweetest ones! They're giving her a whole lot of support and advice that she's never ever received before. Admittedly, not murdering your own gf seems pretty intuitive to Sol, but seeing that these demon queens are clearly wise beyond their years? She makes a note of it just in case. Plus, she automatically has to respect anyone wise enough to know the strength of princess x pirate pairings. "Wow, if you ever meet the non-decorative Selene, you should totally tell her that pirates and princesses are where it's at. She tried to tell me it was a ridiculous ship dynamic and that the only thing I could ever hope for would be princess x princess, like, boooring," she finishes, in a singsong tone while looking through the disturbing number of Selenes.

The scary queen joins Sol around the pile, kicking them over with her foot. Her lip curls, "Ew. I don't get why we have to store all these fucking degenerates. Like, the mommy issues wafting off this bitch are so fucking toxic, it's making my own fucking mommy issues come back. And I swear it gets fucking worse with each new model. Like, kill her already. Either grow some fucking tits and do it yourself or have your hot girlfriend do it for you. It's not fucking rocket science." She loops her arms around Inna's waist from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder (goals, goals, goals!). "Again, thanks for that, my demon queen," she coos into the blonde's ear. (This just confirms that blondes really do have more fun and now Sol is wondering if she could pull off the look herself. Hmm. It'd probably wash her out too much, but maybe she can dye her spirit blonde? Yeah, maybe she can be blonde in spirit!)

"So, uh, how often do you two get a new Selene? I mean... Kinda seems like it might be quite often since there are so freak––I mean effing many." Sol isn't sure whether or not this is a good thing or a bad thing. It seems like a bad thing. Not the demon queens coming into possession of the decorative Selenes, but just that there are decorative Selenes to begin with. "I'm definitely not trying to scam you or insult your taste! Your choice of anime clearly tells me you were born with the galaxy in your brain. I guess... I guess, I'm just concerned is all. I kinda know her. In the sense that we've met and my mom enslaved her and turned her into my bodyguard and on several occasions she hurt my feelings and tried to kill me/have me killed. She also kissed me once after I stabbed her––not in a murder-y way, it was... I don't even know. It's complicated," she shrugs, grabbing one Selene's face and inspecting it closely.

"Jesus fucking Christ, it's not that complicated. Just cut the bitch off. Snip fucking snip––she sounds like an asshole and that's coming from me," Liora snaps, for some reason defensive of the sunbeam's hearts. (Ah, does Sol smell adoption papers? Where's her pen!!)

"True dat," Sol shrugs, knowing she won't take the advice to hearts. "Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that while it's all complicated, she's the moon to my Sun. I feel like I have to care about her for some reason––for balance-y reasons. Well, and my hearts feel like they get indigestion when I'm around her," is that supposed to be romantic? "and I wanna make sure she's okay. Her being a decorative piece doesn't seem okay to me, but I'm not judging," she raises her hands in defense, especially when Liora's eyes start to do that laser beam thing they do when she feels threatened. "Or blaming you! I understand that you are mere humble collectors of the arts. Oh, and btw you're right. She does look prettier when she's not all angry. Once she put a flower in my hair and her face looked so pretty. Well, prettier. It was really cute." The sunbeam sighs happily at the memory. "Anyway, if you collect all these decorative ones, that means there's a non-decorative one, right?"

"Oh, and," she hums, selecting one of the Selenes and slinging its arm around her shoulder so she can hoist it up. "I like this one. She speaks to me, for some reason. But, don't make our wedding fantasy too good, okay? I don't want to get sad about an epic wedding that won't happen. I'm already engaged," she pulls down the neckline of her dress to reveal a teardrop shaped gemstone made of two different halves stuck in her chest––one is bloodstone and the other is citrine. "Me fiancée has a matchy one."

Syntra · Aug 9, 2021

“Ex-fucking-cuse me?!” Inna Orlovskaya did pride herself on being the most reasonable person on the entire goddamn planet, but there were certain boundaries to that-- boundaries that you should never fucking cross if you wanted to keep your head attached to your neck, that was. And, the princess x pirate slander? That was a major fucking offender! “I literally cannot believe an ugly bitch like that would even say that,” the demon queen spat out, beside herself with anger. “Sol, honey, you gotta believe people when they show you who they are. The asshole admitted to suffering from the chronic bad taste syndrome, so why would you fucking waste your time on someone like that? Next thing you know, she’ll be telling you that marital relations are for heiress making only, or that purple isn’t an actual color. Just, don’t. Crushing on joyless bitches is the worst-- she’ll fucking suck every last drop of happiness out of you and convince you that it’s your fault.” …was she speaking from experience here? Maybe, but if so, Inna refused to elaborate. “Why the fuck do you care so much, anyway? You’re a goddess! You’re young! You should be, I dunno, murdering mortals because they took your name in vain, or whatever your equivalent of teenage pettiness is. Daydreaming about undeserving assholes is waaaay too lame.”

When Liora expressed her criticism re: the storing of decorative Selenes, though? Inna gave her the look of a kicked puppy, so heartbreaking that even the most hardcore of villains would break down in tears. “But, but, but, Li, you said we could keep her! Don’t tell me you forgot about my art project?” Immortality, you see, was a funny thing-- not only did it make you incapable of dying, but it also kind of shifted your entire fucking perspective. Inna, too, had had a lot of RealizationsTM! Like, kicking people’s asses was awesome, but it didn’t exactly last, now did it? Some might say that the ephemerality was the entire point, but honestly, those idiots could suck it. With eternity her side, it became obvious to her that she needed to preserve her awesomeness-- others simply had to look at her in envy and be like ‘wow, that chick fucking rocks.’ Or something. Anyway, art seemed like an easy way to achieve that! Pretty much anyone could stain a canvas with coffee and write an essay about how it represented, ~the innate evil of humanity ~, so Inna failed to see why she couldn’t make her great breakthrough here. “Li, I have fucking explained to you why the Selenes are needed already. The emotions are super important! I’m harnessing her mommy issues to make a grand statement about the importance of families. Like, I’m sure that that message has never been done before. Besides, don’t you think that she’s peak fucking aesthetics? Not as aesthetic as you,” she grinned, “buuut I am not in any rush to share you with others.” Wow, that was… romantic? Maybe? In Inna Orlovskaya-land, anyway.

“But yeah, we do get a new decorative Selene pretty often,” Inna confirmed. “Every fucking time that she tries to, quote unquote, conquer our pathetic queendom. So, about every other Tuesday? The bitch always appears, totally alone, and declares war on us. It would be funny if it wasn’t so fucking sad. It’s like, can’t she get some fucking perspective? At this point, it kind of feels like a fly threatening a goddamn Boeing 747! Which, yeah, you do feel sorry for the creature, yet you’re also like ‘dude, what a moronic fucking fly.’ But ewww, arranged marriage is the worst trope ever,” Inna winced, the disgust visceral on her face. “As in, are we really going to romanticize shitty medieval practices? Might as well go back to bathing once per fucking month and murdering random-ass women for cursing our cows!”

“Okay, though,” the queen sighed. “According to the Selene you picked, I’m thinking that your wedding will be rose-themed. There will be a shit ton of petals and cotton candy and assorted pink-adjacent bullshit, and... uhh, I guess there will be a cake? You might promise her that you’ll always love her, but that’s not a certainty.” (Nope, Inna totally wasn’t winging it-- her vision was 100% accurate, and anyone who claimed otherwise was just a jealous fucking hater.) “Oh, and you’ll murder your own mother at the altar, too! You know, classic fucking romance.” Asking Inna what she thought romance was likely could have led to an interesting discussion, but Fate wasn’t about to hand Sol that chance.

“Hear me, demon queens!” a familiar voice blared from the speakers. Could it be…? “Once again, I have come to claim what is mine. I shall be merciful, and so I will allow you to surrender-- should you do so, you may even be allowed to become my personal servants. What do you say? Isn’t my offer generous enough?”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Inna rolled her eyes, “it’s Tuesday again already? I swear, the time fucking flies. Wanna join us, Sol? I guess this could score you some fancy-ass political points with your dear mommy.”

starboob · Aug 9, 2021

"Maybe I am the goddess of being lame!" Sol whines, now that both demon queens are telling her to let go of Selene––and, look, it's not like the sunbeam isn't trying! She has to actively resist fantasizing about those soft, stupid lips at least seventeen times a day and even she knows it doesn't make sense to have feelings for that butthole. Honestly, she doesn't understand why her hearts are betraying her like this and she's really stopped trying to logic her way out of making any sense of it. All she knows is that there are a disturbing amount of undeniable feelings towards the moon daughter despite her having the worst personality ever. It's surprising, too, because ordinarily the sunbeam has tons of self-respect but when it comes to Selene? She just loves letting that girl in and hoping for change despite her being the most stubborn girl in the heavens. Why, why, why did she have to be built like this? "She's definitely the worst, though," and she kisses the best. Not that that should be the only reason for liking someone and that's probably why Sol doesn't mention it again. Her cheeks definitely say she's thinking about it though. "Anyway," she coughs, "murder isn't my favorite coping strategy. Maybe I should try getting a hobby though... Hmm, it would be nice to open a temple, I think. Every goddess needs a temple. That does feel a little bigheaded, but maybe my head needs to be bigger?" she asks, feeling around her head to see if maybe she could stand to use more head growth. "Nah, I'm fine with where I'm at. I will figure something out before this bites me in the butt. Besides, not like I can even do anything about my not-feelings since I have a fiancée, duties to fulfill, and Selene thinks I'm the worst thing ever so it's not like I even have a chance. Um, if I wanted a chance, that is," she quickly adds trying to pretend like she didn't just admit to having feelings/not-feelings. Geez her brain is being weird(er).

"Ugh, feelings really are the fucking worst," Liora's lip curls and she sticks out her tongue. (Of course, Liora has always known that feelings are the worst and that is why she stopped having them around the age of seven, like any sensible person would.) "If you have to have them, just choose one fucking person to have them for," she squeezes Inna, "and then shut everyone else out. Choose your person fucking wisely, Sol." The demon queen's gaze sears into Sol and the sunbeam feels like she should really take this message to heart. "Don't be an idiot. ...Well, a bigger idiot."

When the non-decorative Selene does make her appearance? The sunbeam jumps hearing her voice, completely startled. Okay, yeah, she should have known there would be a possibility that Selene would be here. Especially after discovering all these decorative Selenes. Shoot. (It makes her sad that Selene is totally going to die again because she's a big idiot who cannot accept defeat. Like, why does she always have to act like she's baddest b-word out there when she clearly isn't? If she were, she probably never would have gotten captured by her mom and wouldn't have died a million times trying to take on the demonic realm herself. Also, why show up alone? Yeah, the laws of the demonic realm dictate that you only need to take out the queen(s) in order to conquer it... but clearly coming alone has not been a super effective strategy. Sol really thought the moonbeam would know better since she regards herself as being so smart.) "I do need the political points, tbh." She also would kinda like to see Selene... Just to see how she's doing since they last saw each other––not for any other reason. Nah, she's just curious. (Ugh, why is this so hard? Selene really hurt her feelings back at that haunted spire and she thought that would have been enough for herself to just. Let go. But clearly she's the big dummy.) "I'm in!"

Liora raises a brow, but decides to hold her tongue for now. She snaps her fingers, blipping the three of them in front of the palace walls where Selene stands. (Sol makes a private note to ask the scary queen about teleportation magic.) "Ugh, I can smell the mommy issues from here," Liora complains, pinching her nose. "Let's get this over with––"

"Hi, Selene!" Sol announces before either demon queen can make a move. "Crazy that our moms are at war again, huh? Well, I guess not crazy, but just... Um, actually really typical. Anyway, we," she gestures towards her new demon queen friends, "were all gonna watch some anime soon. Wanna join instead of getting your butt kicked? You don't seem to be very good at taking over the demonic realm so maybe just take a break for a sec?" Okay, just what is Sol trying to accomplish here? "It'll be like old times when we used to stay up late marathoning whatever was on Toonami and stuffing ourselves silly with Bennia & Jerria's ice cream and then nursing a massive tummy ache the next morning."

Syntra · Aug 12, 2021

Ugh. Why did Luna want to conquer the demonic realm, again? Wasn't the Moon glorious enough on its own? It wasn't like they needed the demons, with their human-eating habits, emotional imbalances and general edginess! (In case you were interested, Selene's edginess was different. Hers had a purpose to it, you see? The moon princess was being edgy because she was better than everyone else-- a shining star in the sea of mediocrity, too good and pure for the fools to appreciate. If she didn't crush their dreams approximately every five seconds, would they even realize that? Hmm? Hmm?! Given that they all had the memory of the average goldfish, Selene just didn't want to risk that.) ...anyway, the moon princess wasn't exactly thrilled about her task. 'Go forth and conquer, daughter of mine', Luna had said, with that cold smile of hers. 'You aren't trying to imply that the restitching didn't work, are you? If so, I would be... hmm, most overjoyed to repeat the process. Come to think of it, I may have found a thread that I haven't used yet!' And, as much as Selene hated it, that argument had shut her up for good. (The last time... the last time had been too much, almost. Too painful. You know how, when you pulled at a shoelace too strongly, it would sometimes break? That was how she had felt last time, spread across that cursed altar. 'Shh, shh. Mommy knows best. Calm down for a while, will you? Now, let's see if the next person can fix you!' ...afterwards, it was just darkness. Darkness, and this insistent pressure inside of her skull, and, by the moon, the those hands all over her--)

She should have at least given me an army to lead, the princess thought, kicking a random kitten as she passed through. (The creature looked at her with an accusatory stare, but Selene couldn't see it. Haha! Being blind had its perks, at least when 90% of your personality revolved around denying your own mistakes. What do you mean, 'self-reflection is important?' Maybe for those who weren't already perfect, like the moon princess happened to be!) Without it, it almost feels as if I'm common. Normal. Bleurgh, what a terrible prospect. Was life even worth living when you couldn't beat people over the head with your perceived superiority? Without that, Selene might as well have been dead!

And, indeed, she kind of did wish to die when it was somehow Sol who responded to her challenge, instead of the Blonde Wonder and Miss Zombie Apocalypse. (Sol. Sol, who had been nice to her. Sol, who had risked Helia's wrath just to release her from her shackles. Sol, about whom she had had a bunch of vaguely inappropriate thoughts at night, although only for research reasons. ...what? You could overwhelm your enemies in many ways, and if you couldn't imagine what Selene was thinking, then it was your own damn fault. Curse your mothers for only giving you the non-fun genes! Your bloodline was weak, and its death was coming.)

"Oh my fucking god," Inna gave her a disgusted grimace, "Sol, I literally can't believe my eyes. Why are you looking at her like a devoted fucking puppy? That's not how you get a gf. You shouldn't even be doing that till you're, like, one year into a relationship! Look, my fancy-ass guide here says so," she showed her the book, which... appeared to have been written by Liora, actually? Judging by the cover, the autograph and the subtitle, which read 'Inna is mine, morons.' (Wow, was being whipped an Olympic discipline? 'Cause those two would have run away with all the damn medals!) "Besides, this section is fucking relevant as well: Displays of affection are only reserved for those who aren't irredeemable bitches. Only forgive your gf when she goes demonic once. Have you ever gone demonic, non-decorative Selene?"

Had Selene been able to actually look at Inna, she would have stared by now. "What? You know, it almost feels like actual words are falling out of your mouth, but they aren't making any sense." Ugh! Double ugh, actually, because Sol's offer was kind of tempting-- in the same way that licking the fence in the middle of winter was. It was... about the sense of danger, the princess supposed? Yes, because it for sure couldn't be about anything weirder. (Haha. Hahaha. Everything was totally under her control! You weren't witnessing the birth of any suspicious feelings, mostly because Selene was immune to stupid things like that.)

"You know I can't do that," the moon princess said, blown away by her own honesty. (Also, wow, was she speaking with semi-respect? It wasn't full respect, but considering that Selene's respect scores were usually deep, deep into the negative numbers, this sure felt like an improvement.) "If I don't conquer the queendom this time, what do you think will happen to me? For me, this is a matter of life and death, Sol."

"You lazy bitches should just make your own fucking demonic kingdom," Inna exploded. "Like, do you know how much effort it takes to run one? I have to pretend to be busy! When I'm not pretending to be busy, I'm fucking pretending to be pretending to be busy! What I'm trying to say is, you can't just fucking claim other people's hard work. So, like, why don't you two fucking declare yourselves queens? Name it Demonlandia for all I care, and then say you conquered it. Boom, fucking done. Can we watch that anime now, please? I fucking bought popcorn and everything."

starboob · Aug 12, 2021

Immediately Sol's cheeks start to burn when Inna not so subtly calls her out on her not-feelings. Tbh she kinda forgot that the demons queens were with her––like, she intellectually knew they were right behind her but she also sorta thought they would be too busy ogling at each other to notice Sol's starry eyes whenever she looks at Selene. "Wh-what? Haha, you're so funny, your Inna-ness," she laughs nervously, giving Inna a look that says, 'Please shut the frick up!!! You're blowing my cover!' She supposes this is what she gets for letting the demon queens adopt her––everyone knows that family is only there to embarrass you. 'You should have added a 'no embarrassment' clause to those adoption papers.' "My eyes are totally normal. This is how I look at everyone and everything! See, I'm even looking at you with puppy devotion," she says, giving Inna her best puppy dog gaze––that she immediately wipes off her face when Liora starts to go all laser beam eyes on her. She's pretty sure the scary queen is thinking of all the terrible dimensions she can teleport her to in a snap. She hurriedly adds, "As an example! That this is how the Sol gaze works––not that I'm sure you wouldn't make great crush-material... um, wow. Liora, please don't murder me." Because Liora definitely looks like she wants to murder her freshly adopted goddess sister. Thankfully, Inna, being the absolute best inter-realm treasure there is, brings out her nifty guide and that seems to distract the scary queen, who is definitely mouthing the sentence as Inna reads it aloud. 'Nerds.'

Though when Selene finally opens her mouth, the sunbeam's attention is entirely pulled away. She braces for the worst. (In her head, the Selene that lives there rent-free, responds with her hands on hip all like, 'Sol, there are three bajillion reasons that this idea is stupid. Have you traded your brain for gummy-worms again? I cannot watch anime with you because I, the great Selene, am above anime and plan to vanquish it from the planet for being such an affront to my existence as a fun-sucker extraordinaire.' Okay, so her inner-Selene could use some work but that's beside the point!) However, when Selene starts talking the tension in her shoulders unwinds and she honestly wonders if her rival has undergone some major personality dialysis since they last saw each other. Even this less butthole version of the moonbeam is a shock to the sunbeam. (Of course she does know that there is kindness still inside of her counterpart's soul. She's seen it and clung to it for all that it's worth. It just shocks her every time it makes a reprisal.) 'Hmm, I wonder how long the less butthole version is going to stick around?' she taps her chin thoughtfully as she debates how to milk this for all that it's worth. Perhaps this time her affections will not blow up in her face as they have the past 47,000 times? Well, as the ol' saying goes, 'Fool Sol 47,000 times, shame on Selene. Fool Sol 47,001 times shame on her!'

"Life and death, huh?" Sol doesn't doubt what her counterpart is saying either. The proof is in all of the decorative Selenes lying around the demon queens' art gallery. However, it's not like she's going to turn on her new friends––especially not for Selene! The girl may be in less of a butthole mood (for now) but even she knows that doesn't warrant betraying your new demon queen friends. Still, Helia didn't raise a quitter (well) and she just has to believe there is a way for everyone to be happy! There's just gotta be––what kinda sick and twisted story would Sol be living in if there weren't a happy ending? "Well, noah fence, Selene, but the demon queens kinda have this realm on lock––probably a reward for their relationship being so friggin' cute––seriously have you seen them? Honestly, goals!! Anyway, I digress. I don't think you're going to make it far trying to conquer the realm for a 40 millionth time. You're just going to end up as part of her Inna-ness's art project on mommy issues and I think there are better uses for you than becoming art." (Not that Sol doesn't think that Selene is, in fact, art.)

"Yes, please go be an irredeemable little bitch somewhere else," Liora recommends. "You're not taking our realm from us, so piss off. And if you don't give the fuck up now and continue to keep my queen from sharing whatever little cartoon she wants to share with me, I'll send your ass to the planes of insanity where you can slowly lose your fucking mind and become ill-fit for any throne." Why Liora hasn't acted on this idea sooner is purely because of Inna's art project that Liora mostly supports. However, she's not feeling so patient today (maybe because her Inna time has been interrupted and she's suffering from major withdrawals). In fact, to show that she's serious, she opens up a portal to said plane and has it circle around the moon princess. "What is it that you call yourself? Right, if you want 'the great Selene' to continue being 'great' then find some place you can actually conquer. Here, I'll give you some options." With that, Liora snaps her fingers and three more portals open up. Each one shows a different variation of what Sol can only describe as Super Weenie Hut Jr. 'Sick burn.'

"Youch, good one, Lio," Sol smiles, somehow able to get away with using an insufferable nickname on her new demon queen big sis. "Um, but actually, do you have any AU portals of the demon realm that we can use for Demonlandia? I like Inna's idea and, tbh, our moms wouldn't notice the difference. Just last week Helia mistook a goat for a sheep, again, so these finer details are not her thing. Despite having literally four eyes," she chuckles. "Yeah, it's been great to hang, but I think Selene and I will have fun in Demonlandia. Send your rejectos there and then I think this can be a win-win-win! I'll come back another time for the marriage iguana and Annie May, but I'm off to help a rival out." Yeah, this is totally going to bite Sol in the butt, but let's be real she was never going to get her freedom back. This mission probably wasn't even that serious and she's almost positive Helia would have changed the rules even if she managed to do more than conscript demon rejects into their armies. Might as well have some fun with this. 'If you're going to fail, fail spectacularly.'

Liora, bless her heart (or is it more PC to say damn her heart since she's a demon?), collapses her initial portals and opens one to a perfectly suitable location for Demonlandia. It's very atmospheric with all its lava and dead forests and stuff. However, before Sol can take Selene's hand and get them out of the realm where Selene is guaranteed to die because she's a dumb idiot, Liora warns, "The queen of this version is a total bitch, by the way. She goes by E-keysmash or something stupid like that, I really don't remember. Try exploding her. And," she turns to Selene, her tone darkening, "If I ever find out that you hurt her, I will destroy your entire fucking life. Don't fucking test me. So I recommend being on your best fucking behavior, bitch."

Syntra · Aug 14, 2021

An irredeemable bitch?! A Super Weenie Hut Jr.? Selene might not have known much about those so-called queens, but one thing was becoming increasingly more obvious-- they didn't have a shred of decency in their rotten, rotten hearts. "Remind me, when did I ask for your opinion?" the moon princess put her finger on her chin, as if she was seriously considering the question. "Oh, right, never. I know that you come from the family of commoners," RIP, btw, "but I thought that even those with mud in their veins understood the concept of... I don't know, not speaking when their input isn't wanted. I do get it, though! In your case specifically, that would probably translate into having your lips sewn shut." ...what? Selene actually was the diplomacy ace, thank you for asking! Being about as pleasant as a thorn stuck under one's nails was an active choice on her part, and one that she took a lot of pride in.

"What!!!" Inna put her hand over her heart, totally scandalized. "What did you just say, you little piece of shit? Nobody speaks about my Li that way! Only my old fucking self could, and she was a proper dumb bitch back then. I only forgave her because of the Inna Awesome Orlovskaya privileges that we share-- that, and she also took care of my hair pretty well. See how luscious is it? No damage at all! I owe her a great deal, man. But," she pointed her finger at Selene, "what do you have going for you? Your fucking mommy issues? Get a grip. You haven't even revealed your Tragic BackstoryTM, so no sympathy points for you. Should I fucking burn you to cinders? Bitches get stitches in the Kat and Sof cinematic universe, in case you haven't fucking noticed." (Alright, Selene had known that this was going to be a 4th wall breakage fest, but was nothing sacred? Couldn't the two calm down for a second? Storytelling conventions were there for a reason, dammit! I'm just going to ignore this crime against literature, the moon princess decided. Someone has to be responsible here, and those two aren't going to do it.)

"Save your threats for someone who cares," she recommended Inna. "Do you believe I'm afraid of death?" (The decorative Selenes in the background answered that question quite eloquently, the moon princess felt. ...staggeringly often, death had been her mother more than Luna had been. Had it not brought her into this world, in the form she was currently inhabiting? Had it not shaped her mind, like a rabbit might shape its underground den? Ah, those two knew nothing, nothing, about the true horrors this galaxy was hiding between its folds.) "Demonlandia is a terrible name," she frowned, folding her arms over her chest. "Are you trying to make it sound like a theme park? Because it does sound like a theme park, with cheap rides and cotton candy so sweet it might rot your teeth. 0/10." Ugh, what an insult! Luna would definitely notice, mainly because nothing ever escaped her razor-sharp attention, which... which wasn't a bad thing, actually. Not necessarily. It is her who demands the impossible from me, the moon princess realized. Why not flip the script? (In her mind's eye, Selene saw the altar. It was white, white and blinding in its glory, and it called out to her! 'Come, Selene, for I am your forge. The only one to handle your flames. Don't you know that nobody else will ever understand you? That without me, you won't be allowed to shine, the way you were always meant to?' ...and, hey, maybe that was true! It didn't mean that she couldn't engage in some good old trolling in the meantime, though. Sol continued to be as annoying as ever, of course, but maybe that could be a fine enough distraction on its own! An explosion drew one's gaze more reliably than a burp did, didn't it? And, oh, the sun heiress was an explosion-- a geyser of starlight, warm enough to kindle your inner fire and yet sharp enough to cut you in half. ...no, that wasn't a Suspiciously Poetic Comparison. There were no feelings involved, and if you thought otherwise, you could go [bleep] yourself. Selene, the daughter of Luna, wasn't burdened with things as inconvenient as emotions!)

"Fine," she sighed. "Let us see if we can murder this E-keysmash and get this over with. Come with me, Sol." (Admittedly, some part of her did want to thank her counterpart. It was just that... well, how did one do that without shattering their carefully crafted reputation? Everyone knew that politeness = weakness, and showing her that the moon princess in fact was capable of true gratitude would be like pointing out the chinks in her own armor. Just, utterly nonsensical!)

The portal embraced the two, with the strange energies swirling all around them, and the Selene/Sol duo found themselves... uh, somewhere. Why the hell did it feel like they were walking in quicksand?! No, not quicksand. The structure is different, and... can I smell what I'm thinking I'm smelling? "Ugh," Selene made a face. "Sol, be so kind and tell me that the surface isn't made of ice-cream. I am straight up begging you here." (Yes, before you asked, such shitty world-building tropes were an absolute pet peeve of Selene's. Did nobody think of how that would work? Apparently not, because you couldn't have an ecosystem that revolved around ice-cream! Where would it even come from, space-ice continuum cows? Give her a break.)

"Hiya!" a child's voice greeted them. (Someone pulled at the hem of her dress, too, and Selene could only assume that it was the owber of the voice.) "Are you the space nannies? I'm E-keysmash, and I've been waiting for you forever. Since they killed my mommies, I've been all alone here. Do you know how scared I was?"

...which, wow, a jackpot! "Alright," the moon princess turned to Sol, "so do you want to murder her yourself? I can let you have her, considering what you did for me the last time we spoke." Indeed, that was smooth! Gratitude, but no groveling-- now, if only the sun heiress didn't notice the faint blush blooming on her cheeks, that would be just splendid.

starboob · Aug 14, 2021

"Oh, gosh," Sol mutters, burying her face in her hands as the non-decorative Selene starts to insult the demon queens. "I can't take the non-decorative Selene anywhere," she whines. Somewhere, she does know she technically didn't take her here at all. In fact, they ran into each other on complete accident. (Or was it fate? Something written in the stars? Sol kinda likes the idea of that, but that's probably because she's picked up reading her favorite pirate x princess series. Not that she's had a lot of time to read, mind you, it's kinda hard when your head gets filled with gold and you're dumped at the bottom of the salty sea. Pfft.) "She, um, has a bad mouth. It got dropped on its head when she was a baby––argh, c'mon non-decorative wonder, I don't wanna accidentally inhale your ashes when her Inna-ness flames you. You're already inside my veins way more than you should be." She said that out loud, didn't she? Ah, well. If memory serves, the moon daughter is very good at tuning her out and so maybe she tuned that out. Hopefully. (She's praying to herself that her counterpart didn't hear.)

Once they've actually decided to not start another war (do they even have the authority to start wars?), Sol grabs Selene's hand and laces their fingers together. It's a half forgotten instinct, something she remembers from a shared childhood she only comes to her in fragments. Even when she realizes what she's done, she doesn't let go, as much as she knows that she should. Something just keeps her clinging to the pathetic scraps from Selene's table. (Yeah, she knows she shouldn't settle as a princess, as a freaking young goddess, and... Well, can you really blame her? Helia has outright cast her aside, her fiancée is using her (even if she is fake nice 33 percent of the time), the fire signs are constantly berating her, and everyone else? Everyone else only tolerates her because of her bloodline. Her rotten, rotten bloodline all gilded in gold. But you know what? Gold is poison. Heart of gold? Pfft, what is that even supposed to mean? That you're dead?! That's all Sol can imagine because she certainly feels a little dead. Um, but enough of that.) She beams at Selene, "We can figure out a better name than Demonlandia. I didn't want to tell her Inna-ness, but it strikes me as a little 'Disney adult' vibes and, like, I can get nostalgic for certain classics, but Disney adults... I can see why some goddesses smite people for their sins when I think of those types." She shrugs and looks around the potential stomping grounds of Demonlandia (name is WIP). "How about Demon Realm 2: Electric Boogaloo?" Not that Sol even understands that reference, but it feels right.

Actually, Sol had not noticed the squishy ground they were wading through until Selene mentioned it. (Mostly because she had been caught up in her own head and staring at Selene a lot––but only to make sure that she's okay. Not for any other reason! Even being concerned for her health and well being is more than Selene, the great meany-pants deserves, but, well, would she really be a worthy rival if she's, like, been nerfed? Sol doesn't think so and this totally justifies her ~~ogling~~ concern.) Anyway, imagine her absolute delight when she finds them standing in ice cream! Wow, her Liora-ness totally knows how to pick out the perfect world for them to take over. She tests a splotch of chocolate ice cream with cookie dough chunks with her finger and a satisfied moan escapes her lips. "Dude, this is delish," she curls some on the tip of her finger and when she rises, she boops Selene's nose with the ice cream, "Oops!" She laughs and then kisses the moon princess's nose to clean off her mess. 'Abort! What are you doing, Sol?!'

Thankfully, she does not have to investigate this anomaly for more than a second when the cutest little demon tugs at their skirts. Well, cute being a relative term. The child looks a little sickly if you ask Sol, but she assumes that if she were a demon she might have a maternal instinct to protect this kid. "Space nannies?" Sol supposes being a nanny wouldn't be a bad career. It's like having kids but you don't have to have them. "Well, I gu––"

Oh, right. Liora said something about exploding her, right? That kinda feels wrong, tho, now that Sol is looking at little!E-keysmash. Certainly this lil gal cannot be a [bleep], right? "I was sorta thinking––" and then her train of thought gets cut off when she totally notices Selene's blush. 'What the heck?' Like, she actually has no idea why that suggestion warranted that face reaction from her counterpart. All she knows is that it's super cute. (Not cute enough to get her to murder a literal child, however. Been there, done that. Sol did not like it.)

"Hey! Quit flirting! Are you space worms going to nanny me or not?!" the little!E-keysmash stomps her foot and actually crushes Sol's foot (she yelps), "I have been abandoned and scared and I have just not the patience for your squabbling. A game of murder would be fun, however. That was a great suggestion worm one," she says to Selene. "Worm two, you are the murderer. I will also be the murderer. Worm one," she smiles, so sweetly, "You are the murdered. We shall give you a ten second head start to run. Winner gets to sacrifice the remaining murderer."

Syntra · Aug 15, 2021

In case you were interested, then yes, Selene was still pondering over the logistics of the ice-cream planet! And still, still did it make absolutely no sense, under any circumstances imaginable. Where do the plants grow? Are the local life forms so fancy that they don't need oxygen? And, more importantly, where are all the damn children? Because, really, their absence was suspicious-- if the fields were full of ice-cream, then logically, that would attract hordes upon hordes of those tiny gremlins, eager for the frozen treat. How come they weren't there, hm?! Not that Selene missed them, but them out of the picture was... hmm, the equivalent of mosquitoes just not showing up at the local swamp. You didn't necessarily want to see them, but it was weird, wasn't it? "I know this is a Herculean task for you, Sol, but do try taking it seriously," the moon princess sighed. "We are in the middle of a war operation here! There is no time for..." ...umm, nose kisses, apparently. Nose kisses, as in Sol touching her nose with those soft, soft lips of hers. (Was there steam coming out of her ears? Because Selene was fairly sure she did feel something like that, along with the pink growing more pronounced on her cheeks.) "W-what? You can't keep doing things like that, Sol," the moon princess chastised. (Good! Great job! Her counterpart couldn't fall victim to the mindset that she could just do whatever she wanted, solely because she hadn't been completely terrible to her one (1) time. As the only princess of the moon court, Selene still had her pride! Pride that was worth more than other people's literal lives, as far as she was concerned. Now I only need to lay down my boundaries, so that the girl knows I am not to be disrespected.) "My lips are much lower than that. Can't you at least aim properly?" ...w h a t? Had she really said that, or was that some kind of feverish dream? Selene couldn't quite decide on her interpretation there, and no, that didn't exactly fill her with a sense of confidence.

Thankfully, fate itself intervened, and so the moon princess escaped from the consequences of her own actions. Whew! "What are you saying, you insufferable brat?" she raised her eyebrow. "Murdered, my royal buttocks! I bet that they got themselves killed on purpose so that they didn't have to deal with your ridiculousness." Selene, being so classy that it would make you cry? Why, it was more likely than you thought! "Besides, we were not flirting. Don't you know who we are? Us feeling anything but burning, burning hatred for each other would be a huge scandal!" ...yes, indeed, kind of like in those silly romance novels Selene habitually laughed at. Of course, that only proved how stupid the notion of their romance was! Not that their very existence embodied a beloved trope, and that they were destined to end up together one day. Pssh, how unlikely was that? (Definitely unlikely enough that the moon princess imagined the scenario, if only to flex her creative muscles. A goddess was an artist first and foremost, after all-- the one who painted that which could not exist with her mind, and made it real. S-still, not that that meant anything for the two of them! Hahaha... haha... ha...)

"Children truly are getting worse and worse by the second," Selene scoffed. "I cannot believe that I'm agreeing with my mother, but here we are." With great disgust, as if she was dealing with an especially hairy spider, she picked E-keysmash up by her collar.

"Let go of me!" the child shrieked. "I am a queen, you hear me? A queen! I outrank you stupid princesses/space nannies by soooo many ranks that I can't even count them."

"...mostly because you cannot count," Selene pointed out. "I bet you are still wearing your diapers, too."

E-keysmash puffed her cheeks. "Only on special occasions! And it's not your business anyway, dummy."

Honestly? Selene almost felt bad about being asked to conquer this place, for it seemed to her like the equivalent of stepping on a toy castle. Were there no tasks with a difficulty somewhere between 'kindergarten' and 'nightmare-tier'? Nothing that would be worthy of her divine Selene-ness? And, indeed, it almost felt as if E-keysmash heard her, because she revealed her teeth in a cruel, cruel smile.

"Fine, feel free to ignore me! We'll see if you manage to ignore Bubbles, though. She is not as merciful as me, and will not want to play with you guys!"

"Bubbles?" Selene grinned. "Who is that, your pet rabbit?" Perhaps she shouldn't have said that, however, because even a lowly literature student would recognize that that was basically just tempting the fate. Too late, though! As always, the moon princess had opened her big, big mouth without thinking at all.

"No," E-keysmash sang out, clearly super satisfied with herself. "That's my newest Cthulhulina, version 2.0. Spent all of my pocket money on getting her, too!" As she spoke, the ground shook-- no, it straight up exploded, and from the sea of ice-cream, a large pseudo-octopus emerged.

"Aaargh!" the monster cried out, splashing the sugary goodness all over herself. (It... was most likely a good entrance? Selene couldn't see her, and thus she also refrained from rating it. You know, for the fairness' sake! Since everyone knew that the moon princess's sense of honor was totally off the charts.)

"Bubbles," E-keysmash smiled, somehow even more annoying than ever before, "these wretched, wretched women don't want to play with me. Isn't that disgusting of them? As if I'm not the cutest little queen around! So, for that reason, I believe that someone should eat them. That someone will be you. You can start with the pretty privilege one-- it looks to me that she'd be easier to digest."

starboob · Aug 16, 2021

'That's what she said,' Sol really, really wants to say but chokes on the words because of the implication. Like, Selene probably was referring to... She interrupts that thought when she realizes that her cheeks are burning up and she probably resembles a stoplight. (Ah, what the heck is happening? Sol hasn't forgotten about what Selene said to her when she had her pressed up against that tree. She was so rude and so obviously not worthy of the sunbeam's totally hot bod and now Sol is doing things like kissing her nose and thinking of her... lips. They're probably super soft and velvety and tas— Okay, her brain is gay-up glitching.) "Lips...?" is her intelligent response, her mouth hanging slightly open.

Then Selene continues her game of warfare on Sol's feeble mind by mentioning her butt. Her perfectly round butt. Gragh!!! How is just one sunbeam supposed to comprehend all of this?! This is so not fair. She's practically sweating resisting the urge to stare so openly. 'There's a kid, Sol. A literal murder baby, sure, but a child. Be mature. Mah-twar.' She shakes her head and tries to insert herself as quickly into the conversation as possible so as to not arouse suspicion. "For the record, I don't have a burning hatred for her! I've been more or less told I should," she thinks that's what the demon queens were getting at anyway, "But, uh, I just don't." She shrugs. "I'm mostly resentful that she doesn't think we've been friends before when we are so clearly built as puzzle pieces that belong together." What. the. [bleep]. How could her blabbermouth betray her like this?! (Yeah, maybe it is best for her to just become a puppet now that she's thinking about it.)

Try number two to be normal.

"Bubbles, personally, isn't my favorite Powerpuff Girl. I'm more into Buttercup." Nailed it.

Except...

'Oh. That’s Bubbles.' Her eyes widen to dinner plates as she stares up at the Cthululina version 2.0 that Baby-smash used all her pocket money to purchase. (How much pocket money does this kid have?) When the ground shakes and ice cream splashes everywhere, she steps in front of Selene to prevent her grumpy companion from getting nailed. (Not for romantic reasons, obviously. Why are you even thinking of romance? Weirdo. It's obviously because Sol doesn't want to have to hear Selene's complaints about being doused in ice cream.) The splat of ‘scream hits her and she’s disgusted that it’s mint—a truly depraved flavor. But what’s truly depraved? Sol's mind to mouth connection having absolutely no red lights––the concept of thinking before she speaks is totally lost on the sunbeam. "First of all! The only person allowed to eat Selene is me," wait, wait, wait, "Um, because I have already tasted her orgas––organs once already and... Um." Her entire train of thought goes up in flames as she thinks about what she's saying and just how traitorous her brain is being. This has got to be one of the worst days of Sol's young life! (Okay, objectively not even true. Nothing will ever beat the day she dropped her mint condition Charizard card down a sewage grate.) "The point is, you cannot eat the one with pretty privilege. That's just really friggin' rude."

"I was talking about you," Baby-smash says, somewhat amused. (Sol's entire face goes up in flames again.) "And I can do whatever I want, worm two. I am a queen. Now, kiss your girlfriend goodbye, sunshine!"

"She's not my gf!"

Cthulhulina version 2.0 lets out another earsplitting shriek and her freaky little tentacles all reach for Sol. Quickly, she gets behind Selene and wraps her arms around her waist as her fiery wings sprout from her back and––

They fall into a chasm that randomly opens up beneath their feet?

Sol flaps her wings, attempting to break their fall, but gravity is much stronger than her wings. However, it turns out she didn't need to worry as they land on a suspiciously familiar cushion. None other than Liv, Sarah, and Edith are all standing over the two heiresses. "Nice power up, Sol," Liv compliments. "Selene, I hope the stick butt removal is going well. You made a terrible first impression, but that's fine. Anyway! Super Secret Club meeting. Your mothers declaring war on each other is not good for the realm and we need to chat."

Syntra · Aug 18, 2021

...have you ever wanted to die? With all the passionate fury of a thousand burning suns, at that? Because Selene certainly hadn't! Not before this very moment, at least-- which, had her mind been capable of anything more than a shocked little 'oh,' it would not have come off as a surprise that it was Sol of all people who had managed to introduce her to the emotion. Like, not at all. "Sol!" the moon princess whined, her voice sounding... well, like a weird hybrid between a kicked puppy and a scandalized Victorian lady. "You don't need to tell other people about my, uh, organs. That information is private. I am 99% certain that GDPR covers this, so you are not allowed to share that without my explicit consent..." ...hehe, explicit! You know what else was explicit, though? Certain scenarios that Selene's mind definitely wasn't conjuring, based on Sol's super helpful comments. (They didn't exist, obviously, but in case you were interested in what they might hypothetically look like, they definitely revolved around the sun heiress' lips. Not that Selene had ever seen them, but she just had this... strange inkling that they would be worth it? It was a fact that Sol categorically refused to shut up, and thus those muscles must have been trained to utter perfection. Again, though! Selene hadn't actually given this any kind of thought, so feel free to disregard this entire paragraph.)

Oh. Oh, she doesn't hate me? This information possessed some insane strategic value, which was the reason why those cursed butterflies spawned in Selene's stomach. The idea of manipulating Helia's precious daughter was so exhilarating, indeed, that her brain offered her the celebratory visual of the two of them kissing-- of course, that was both entirely normal and totally expected. Didn't you know that kisses were symbolic of subjugation? It was true, and no, Selene couldn't provide a single source! She was a princess, though, which meant that her opinion was automatically better than the drivel you could possibly come up with. Shut up and obey, in other words.

"The one with the pretty privilege..." Selene repeated, as if she couldn't get enough of those words. Ah, goddess. That's me, isn't it? The implications of that were interesting to be sure, because they suggested that Sol wasn't such a lost case after all! If the sun princess could acknowledge the reality here, you see, then it wasn't entirely impossible for her to repeat the same feat elsewhere. Finally, her blessed influence must have gotten through her thick skull! That, and only that was the cause of her excitement-- which, hahaha, actually wasn't even excitement per se when you examined it from up-close. Nuh uh. What Selene felt was called scientific fervor, so like, don't mistake it for anything else. That would have been an embarrassing mishap on your part! "Right," she agreed quickly, "I cannot have a gf. It is most unbecoming of a princess, for a ruler shouldn't have friends. I believe that I will be allowed to have a paramour, however." ...what? Marriages were political in nature, and often, the only pleasure associated with them was the joy you got from observing your territories expand. Why shouldn't she chase her own desires as well, hmm? Not that Selene had any, but it was a matter of... hmm, principle. Hot, hot principle. A principle that, if you squinted, sort of assumed the form of a certain annoying sun godde--

Crash!

Honestly, that they were deus-ex-machina'd away shouldn't have surprised Selene, and so it didn't. (What she was feeling was anger, mostly. Was the moon princess not allowed to sate her thirst for blood? The monster was conveniently there, ready for the most intense ass-whooping of its life, and yet, yet it was taken from her clutches! A true travesty, indeed.)

"Oh, it's you," she said, in the tone of someone who had just caught a local pervert going through her dirty panties. "I would have said I missed you, but I do not make it my habit to lie."

"Selene, like 80% of literally everything that leaves your mouth is a lie," Edith pointed out. "It's so bad that we've been thinking of suggesting therapy! The only thing that prevents us from doing so is knowing that the entire plot would collapse if both of you were happy, well-adjusted individuals." Ugh, there they went again with their irresponsible storytelling techniques! Nope, not even acknowledging that.

"Alright," she sighed, "what is it that you wanted to discuss so badly? Make it quick, because I have an innocent creature to murder."

"Ah, I see that the stick is still firmly lodged in place!" Sarah observed. "My deepest condolences, Selene. Anyway, the main problem is that your foolish mothers don't know when to stop. Like, how long will they remain slaves to a feud whose roots they don't even remember anymore? It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of, and trust me, I've heard a lot of stupid things."

"...like your own name," Liv supplied, oh so helpfully.

"Do shut up, ugly. But! You two, my friends," by which she meant Selene and Sol, obviously, "have won the genetic lottery. You are their daughters, so in your blood, the key to peace can be found. When you think about it, it's mind-blowingly simple!" Oh goddess, Liv was going to drop something insane now, wasn't she? Selene knew it, and yet, yet she prayed for mer-- "You just have to get married. As in, marry each other. I have it on good authority that it's your fate, and in joining the two kingdoms, the need for war will cease. What do you think? Brilliant, isn't it?" --cy. Well, so much for that.

starboob · Aug 19, 2021

'Dang.' She kind of wanted to explore more of the ice cream realm with Selene. It might have been nice to try different flavors and mutually agree that those who wish to consume ice creams infused with lavender deserve to be ostracised by society. (In fact anyone putting lavender anywhere near her desserts deserves to get their just deserts!) She sighs and rises from the cushy mattress, smoothing away the splatter of ice cream and dust from her dresses. She'll definitely need to clean up before returning home. No way her mom won't know she went to the ice cream realm instead of the demon realm if she comes back covered in the most heavenly of dessert options. (Although, it's really not like it matters since she pretty much signed away her rights to her Sol the second she tried to help Selene. What an anti-Selene move to make after she promised to be more like the moon daughter. Ugh. It's fine, she guesses. This will hopefully save Selene from becoming decorative.)

"I think my earth moms were therapists," Sol supplies, just jumping into the conversation wherever feels appropriate. "But my Sun mom says that therapy is for humans with mommy issues and that, as a future goddess, mommy issues are unbecoming," hehe... coming, "and so I am banned from having them. I guess Luna didn't say the same thing to Selene," she smiles innocently, remembering her Liora-ness's complaints about all the decorative Selenes earlier.

Sol flops back onto the cushion and sticks out her arms to prop herself up as she listens to the Super Secret Club meeting's agenda topic for today. And like with most of her lessons, she only pays attention to the verbs and figures she can fill in the blanks later––verbs are the action of a sentence, after all, much like the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. (Mighty-chondria!) She also follows the time honored gay tradition of staring at her ~~crush~~ rival during class. 'She's ethereal. I'm cereal.'

"Sol," Edith nudges the Sun heiress, "pay attention! You're not going to want to miss this."

"Right, right," she sighs, trying to redirect her attention. She nods along to Liv's point that they won the genetic lottery, in total agreement––with herself being so pretty and Selene somehow being even prettier, there's no doubt in her little head that they've... 'Oh.' That kind of luck. The idea pulls her heart in a thousand different directions at once, effectively tearing her apart. "Uhh, well..." she shifts uncomfortably, unsure of how to even respond to that.

"Great! So what kind of wedding would you two like? An equinox wedding might make the most sense..." Sarah scratches her chin and sticks out her tongue as she thinks.

"No, no––an equinox wedding is way too trite," Edith counters.

But before Liv can offer her two cents, Sol interjects, "I can't!" She gets up off the cushion and moves away from Selene. "I'm already be-troughed. That aside, I want to marry someone who likes me." Not that Mars likes her beyond her aforementioned genetic lottery, but she also has a contractual obligation to marry her. Now, if given the choice to have a secret paramour? (That sounds like it could be a really great band name, btw.) Who she secretly marries? Then that has to be for love! She's tired of her love life being a political gambit. "What about my hearts? What about love?! Is there no respect for a good ol' fashion love story? Are you lesbophobic? I'm sorry––but my political marriage is already taken and I, um, can't break that contract," she laughs nervously. Better to not think about that. "So my extra marriage needs to be for love."

"Besides," Sol continues, her face all red and hot, while she paces across the cushion, "last time there was no mention of marriage to end the feud. You said we just had to team up. I know marriage is a lot like being on the best team ever, but why are the stakes like this now? Also, are you forgetting that Selene hates me guts? She hasn't even tasted them and she hates them. I know that Taylor Swift, the greatest poet of our generation, once said 'haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate' but I cannot 'shake it off' when it comes to marriage. Nope! Swiping left!!"

"Ay, yai, yai," Sarah mutters, rubbing her temples. "Sol. This is part of your destiny––it's been written in the stars. This could have been avoided had your mothers followed along with their stars. You see, it was supposed to happen with Helia and Luna, but something went terribly wrong with those two. They never made it past the enemies part of enemies to lovers," she sighs, "That's why we tried to give you two a better chance by stealing you as babies and giving you a shared earth life."

Syntra · Aug 20, 2021

Marriage. To Selene, that had always been a bit of a weird of a beast-- in a way, she supposed, it wasn’t too dissimilar to what mortals perceived as death. No, really. Call her dramatic if you wish, but didn’t it check out? With death, mortals knew that it was coming, but not when. Most of them had very little control over the circumstances under which it occurred, too, and… well, it was an ending of sorts. A closed chapter. All those colorful possibilities, nipped right in the bud! Bim bam, the wedding bells would ring, and everything would be over, over, over, before it had even truly begun. (…the last pathetic tatters of her freedom, going up in flames. It wasn’t too likely that Luna would pick someone who actually cherished her, you see? Someone like a certain hypothetical Sol, whose hands were warm and words ~~dumb~~ kind. Someone who did things for her without expecting anything in return, the way all the moon courtiers always eventually did. Someone who wasn’t a goddamn chore to be around, for once in her life. Not that Selene had ever dreamed of something as silly as a fairy tale romance, but she did want that, at least! …and the moon could want with a surprising intensity, all things considered. What was its reflection on the surface of a pond, after all, if not a desire for closeness? For something more than it had? Entire light years’ worth of distance couldn’t quell that flame, despite the mask of ice it wore. Which, speaking of that particular feature? Let’s just say that Selene’s flame was doing funny things to her stomach, encouraged by the primordial mothers’ delusions. Sol, my wife. What a stupid prospect, wasn’t it? Stupid, stupid, stupid! A pipe dream that was no more than a nightmare in disguise, for the moon princess knew that, once it inevitably shattered, the shards would only cut her throat. No, it wouldn’t work. Nobody this allergic to dumbassery could possibly remain sane in Sol’s presence! Before she knew it, the sun heiress would want her to call out the names of Pokémon attacks every time they were meant to fulfill their marital duties, and--)

“I don’t hate you,” Selene heard herself say, despite all of that. (Despite knowing much better than that, too. Despite… so many things, really, that listing all of them would have consumed many, many years of her immortal existence.) “I did. I mean, I think I did, but now I kind of don’t? Feelings sure are annoyingly hard to chart,” she’d tried, shortly before deciding that they should be forbidden, “but it seems to me that what I feel towards you right now isn’t hatred. And, um, I happen to be the leading expert on Selene’s quirks! You know, with me literally being Selene and everything.” Sooo, that desire to die from before? It returned with a vengeance, and briefly, the moon princess considered straight up walking up to Helia’s palace and challenging her to duel. Like, at least the ashes she would be reduced to wouldn’t feel nearly as embarrassed, right? “But, um, I get it if you don’t want to marry me just because of that. The absence of hatred is a pretty low bar to pass, and…” Oh my goddess, what am I saying, even?! All of the connections in her brain must have short-circuited at once, because no other explanation sufficed! (The jump from ‘I don’t hate you’ to ‘let’s get married’ was impressive, and it definitely would have earned her a gold medal had she been competing at the Olympics. The sad thing about it, though? More than the Olympics, Selene’s life resembled a circus.)

“Shared childhoods?” the moon princess repeated, once again reverting to her usual sourness. “I have no idea why everyone and their mother tries to feed us this narrative, but goddesses don’t have childhoods. Again, why do you think those were invented? It was to shame the mortals, and make them realize they were slaves to their imperfect bodies! Obviously, we had never had to go through the humiliation.”

“Selene,” Edith rolled her eyes in a way that was almost audible, “please, stop embarrassing yourself. Do you seriously believe that you just materialized out of pure white fog?”

“No. I materialized out of moonlight!”

“Children these days,” Liv scoffed. “Won’t believe anything till you present a proof! Back in my day, we had the decency to treat our elders’ word as the gospel.”

“Liv, we are our own elders.”

“And? The statement still applies! I sure do believe in myself, Sarah. Anyway, if you need more than just our word, I suppose I could present one of your old memories. That ought to convince you, right?”

At that, the darkness above their heads lit up with thousands of glittering stars, each blinking at them as if they were old friends. (No, Selene couldn’t see it. Somehow, she just could tell that that was what was happening, you know? And in the same manner, she knew that two children appeared on that canvas, each a mirror image of their divine selves.)

“Hey, Sol!” not-Selene giggled, hiding her face in her tiny hands. “Would you like my heart? Like, I’m not really using it right now, and so I think that you should have it. I know you’ll treat it super well, too! You’d never eat fifty hamburgers per day and give me a heart attack, and, um… it will be safe with you. I’m sure of that.”

starboob · Aug 20, 2021

If her face could talk, it would say, What??? and because she remembers that her face actually can talk, via the mouth, she says, "What???" Obviously, it feels really good to know that Selene doesn't hate her. It's probably the best news she's heard since... well, ever, most likely. She also didn't expect that. Especially not after their tiff that turned into a brawl. The revelation sends tingles from the top of her head down to her toes. (Should she believe her though? The primordial mothers did just say that 80 percent of what she says are lies and, tbh, Sol doesn't know that she's ever heard from that alleged 20 percent. Well, except for when she promised to destroy her, everything she loves, and such. It had been hard to deny the truth behind that heated declaration. At the same time it is similarly hard to deny that her counterpart is telling her the truth now. She's being a huge dork about it and dorks are usually trustworthy source materials in Sol's experience.) She wants to ask Selene a million questions like, when? how? why? because she's still having trouble processing and maybe she wants to hear the moon daughter say it again, that she doesn't hate her. It is a low bar, sure, and still no one's ever managed to hop over it. It just feels nice.

The moon daughter continues to surprise Sol when she more or less implies that she's okay with the suggestion that they get married. (Honestly, Sol expected her to smite the primordial mothers right then and there for making such a suggestion. As if the great Selene would ever want the pathetic Sol. Not that Sol thinks she's pathetic or anything, but she knows that is how Selene regards her. Or was? Dang, this adds to her list of questions.)

It's too bad that nice feelings aren't enough for the sunbeam to promise an entire marriage, though. No way, she wants her epic love story that she totally knows she's built for and if she cannot have it with her political marriage, then she will get it with extra marriage affair. Selene not hating her, of course, is a great start and it's not everything. Luckily for the moon princess, Sol is open to the idea of getting to know her and maybe trying to see if they could work like that. She's admittedly curious and that kiss was pretty great. (Much better than her kisses with Mars. Bleh.) Even if that kiss did sorta destroy everything between them (and there wasn't even much to begin with), that can be water under the bridge. Yup! Why not start new since it's been a while since they've seen each other! They were under a lot of stress that day and Sol knows she wasn't her best self coming out of m-wording an entire village and then stabbing Selene. She feels a lot better now, though! 'Rivals to friends to lovers, here I come!'

However, any conversation about this will have to wait as the primordial mothers are trying to prove that they really did have an earth life. (Sol is already a believer of this conspiracy theory, but she's always down for a trip down memory lane. It's fun! Plus, she doesn't remember these ones that well.)

"I hope this is the one where I forgot to wear underwear to school."

(It's not.)

Little Sol sits cross legged in their secret club house, jotting something down feverishly in her notebook. (It appears to be a compilation of bug facts, if you were curious.) When her friend calls her name, she's pulled from her notebook and the serious look she had been giving her notes is replaced with an ear to ear grin. It doesn't even matter that she doesn't know what little Selene has said, she grins because it's her friend. She pushes her notebook to the side and straightens out her legs.

"For real? You think I have enough responsibility for two hearts?" her eyes go wide, every possibility racing through her mind at once. "It is true that I'd never eat fifty burgers even in one day. That's way too many and, also, my moms have banned red meat from the house. Maybe fifty chicken burgers? Nah, that's also too much. But fifty chicken nuggies? Totally different story... Anyway, are you sure you want me to be responsible for it, though?"

"How is your blood gonna work if I have your heart? Or," she gasps, grasping little Selene's hands, "what if my heart eats your heart? Like how twins sometime absorb their twin in the womb and become the Super Twin? I don't think my heart is a cannan-ibal but you never know..."

Little Sol thinks about her friend's offer, her brows knit together and her mouth pulled to one side. "I guess I am a pretty good heart guardian or I think I would be. I mean just look at me!" She springs up from the floor and does a silly little jig. "How is this not guardian material? But, I do have to ask, how come you want me to take care of it? Are you worried someone is gonna hurt it? Tell me their name, address, and their closest Denny's and I'll square up. I've got two duchesses," she raises her fists and shadow boxes the air, "I'll fight anyone who tries to hurt the great Selene!"

Syntra · Aug 21, 2021

"No," little not-Selene admitted, looking anywhere except in her not-friend's eyes. "I don't think that you have enough responsibility, but I guess that you have enough heart? Like, there's enough room in your heart to fit in another heart." (Wow! Even though this must have been a trap laid by their enemies, the adult!Selene had to acknowledge that her fake self was pretty good at this whole sweet-talking thing-- maybe she could learn a thing or two from her, solely to... uhhh, trick Sol. Right! Deception was an actual warfare skill, you see? And if she could make her counterpart believe that she knew she was ridiculously pretty even without ever seeing her face, then that could definitely turn the tide of any battle. For, um, reasons. Don't question it too much.) "I just know that you'll keep it safe. You did shatter that mirror I gave you, but you have a pretty good track record with your own heart. As far as I know, you don't even consume much cholesterol! So yes, total guardian material," the girl nodded sagely. "Besides..." once again, she appeared to be avoiding her gaze, "I want you to have it. If someone has to, it should be you."

But why, though? Selene didn't really think she'd ever agree with Sol (again), but her dream self did ask a question that could only ever be described as valid. Just, it wasn't too common to give your own heart away, was it? You could do that with a box of chocolates that would have killed you with diabetes otherwise, or with pretty rocks that you'd found, or with certain diseases. A heart, however? For humans, that would be a game-over! And while Selene wasn't too sure what that was, she was almost 100% positive that that was not a good thing.

Almost as if she could hear her unspoken question, not-Selene shrugged. "We're goddesses, Sol. I mean, do our true forms even have blood? I don't really think we need to pee, either. Blah blah blah, bOdILy funCTIOns Are huMILiaTinG," she waved her little hand, the contempt almost tangible. "Isn't that weird? If it's so annoying, they shouldn't have been created in the first place! But, like, I do question the evolutionary advantage of farts," her little face scrunched up with the doubtlessly gargantuan mental effort. "Do you think that, without them, human bellies would turn into balloons? And if they did, could they fly like birds? And, and, and, would they be more like eagles than sparrows? Eagles fueled by gases?" Because that, ladies and gentlemen, would have been certifiably awesome. Her, the great Selene, would give it her official seal of approval, and--

--and nothing, duh. Especially not when Sol was asking these questions, pretending that she could actually do anything about fate and what it had in store for her. "I..." she paused, probably searching for the right words. (Did they even exist, though? Capturing the exact moment when your heart shattered was a famously fruitless task, to the point it often drove poets to madness. That, at least, was what Selene had heard!) "...I don't think you'd be able to help," the little princess finally settled on. "Like, it's my mom. Her royal momminess, not one of my earth moms. After my latest stunt, I don't think I'll be able to keep it." The latest stunt, of course, translated to her having the audacity to exist outside of her sphere of influence-- Selene had never quite f-ed up to that extent, but she couldn't imagine a version of events in which her mother would welcome her back with a cake and offer to attend family therapy. No, that just didn't strike her as realistic. "So, can you just return it later? When I have the guarantee that she won't try and throw it into a blender. Or under the wheels of a car. Or, I don't know, maybe feed it to tigers? Tigers totally would eat my heart-- when we were at the zoo last time, they looked at me with those hungry, hungry eyes. I could tell they were planning something nefarious." Not-Selene wanted to add something else (wow, did she ever shut up?) but then all the color drained from her face, and she gripped fake!Sol's hand.

"Quick. Sol, you must do it now, or--"

Well, what would happen? That much was obvious when silvery will-o-the-wisps materialized in the air, circling not-Selene like wolves would do with their prey. Uh oh. "A blender?" Luna's voice cut through the silence, like a hot knife through butter. "My, my, they really did fill your head with human nonsense. Worry not, though! I found you, daughter of mine, and finally, you can go home. In no time at all, I will make a proper princess out of you."

"Sol!" If nothing else, Selene could at least tell that the horror in her eyes was authentic. "Sol, please--"

starboob · Aug 22, 2021

Little Sol doesn't seem bothered by her friend's assessment of her responsibility-o-meter. In fact, she even seems to agree. (This probably explains her earlier shock when little Selene had asked her to take care of her heart for her.) While little Sol does wish she could be trusted with things like mirrors, eggs, and other fragile objects, she knows who she is at heart and that is someone who gets distracted and loses sight of her environment, often resulting in huge messes and accidents. "That makes a lot more sense than my responsibility levels. I'm still gaining some XP in that area and I think I need 500 more before I level up to a more reasonable level 'n all," she shrugs and sticks her hands into her pockets. "What's cholesterol? Is that that colon exam? Dude, do you have to study for those?" Despite little Sol's propensity for loose associations and getting extremely distracted, she does seem to notice that her friend is acting weird. Well, weirder than usual––this is little Selene, after all.

"Is everything okay? You know you can tell me anything, right?" little Sol affirms and steps closer to her friend, concern deep in those rich dark eyes. Then little Selene starts to explain and her shoulders drop and she slumps back onto the floor, giving the effect that she's deflating like a balloon. "Our goddesshood sucks. I don't wanna leave here." She pouts, crossing her arms over her chest. "You also promised we wouldn't go and that we could hide here forever! I know forever is a lot more than, um, how old we are now and lots can change... but I refuse to go! I won't!" Not that little Sol thinks her friend would abandon her and as her friend continues to explain, she understands that this isn't going to be her choice. Helia already found little Sol a while back and asked her to leave. It makes sense that Luna would figure out little Selene's location, too. She just hoped it would be, like, when they're 80 or something.

"Really? I thought those tigers were sorta friend sha––" Her sentence is cut off by the look on little Selene's face, her own eyes widening with concern. "Selene, what's––" Then those silvery threads begin dancing around her friend and she understands. Tears spring in her eyes as she looks at little Selene, knowing she's a total goner and still searching for an answer or a solution even if she knows there isn't enough time. (There's never enough time.) "Selene!" she screams, trying to grip her hands tighter and pull her away from those silvery clutches. "Stay! Stay with me––you promised and I know you take your pinky promises seriously, so you can't leave. You're not allowed!"

But even little Sol knows that no amount of begging with little Selene will allow her to stay. It's not her friend's decision. That chilling voice that cuts through the air confirms as much and the marrow in little Sol's bones freezes over. It's over and she knows it. "I––I don't know how! Selene, you have to help me, I don't know––" Something in the little sunbeam causes her to throw her arms around her friend, despite those will-o-wisps circling around her, like a last ditch attempt to hold her friend in this realm. With their chests pressed together, little Sol's heart begins to glow, shining a golden light and a similar, albeit silver, light shines from Selene's chest. She can feel the outline of her friend beginning to fade, no matter how fiercely she hugs her, no matter how much she cries, she can feel her getting pulled away until she's gone and all Sol is left clutching is her heart. A silvery, blood mess. "C-come back! You said you wouldn't go!" she sobs, clutching the heart close to her chest, "Don't leave me..."

She holds the heart tighter, her own chest still glowing, and the tighter she holds the beating muscle she feels it slipping inside of her chest, nestling next to her own. It's no comfort to the little goddess. "I'm coming, Selene. I've got your heart and I gotta give it back. Don't worry, you won't be up there all alone for long. I'll find you," she whispers to the devilish moon that smiles down at her.

The memory fades out then and the twinkling stars that had shined down over the two heiresses turn to darkness above their heads once more. For once Sol is stunned into silence. Her cheeks are wet with tears and her hand rests over her chest, feeling the thump of two hearts. There's so much for her to say and yet the words all escape her, like they're angry with her, and she is left with nothing. She'd love to hug the moon daughter, too, and seek some kind of comfort in the woman who clearly used to be her best friend but with how tepid their relationship is now, she doesn't dare.

Ultimately, it's the primordial mothers who break the silence. A little too cheery for what they've just experienced, Liv exclaims, "And so there you have it! See, you two totally did have an earth life and the source of Selene's, hmm, less than pleasant behavior has an origin story too! So many mysteries solved in one day, wouldn't you say?"

Syntra · Aug 22, 2021

You know, it probably shouldn't have come off as a surprise. Selene the Heartless, they called her, and that probably wasn't for the lack of spleen-- no, the suffix conveniently illustrated just what part of her was missing, right in the word itself. Language could be helpful like that! Nice, organized, and infinitely more suited to transmitting information than nebulous nonsense such as ~gestures~ and ~hints~. (In Selene's opinion, people who couldn't communicate clearly should straight up lose their tongues. Why have them if they can't use them properly, hmm? There were entities who would appreciate them way more-- werewolves in particular saw them as great delicacies, and would be thankful for the privilege. Perhaps I shall make it into a law, the moon princess decided. Once I inherit the mother's crown, those who cannot speak their mind will become involuntary tongue donors.) A wonderful, revolutionary idea! Just like pretty much everything that had ever left the confines of Selene's mind, tbh, but reinforcing that fact couldn't hurt. All too often, the world had a tendency to forget about her greatness-- quite a feat, considering you might as well have forgotten about the fact that the sky was blue!

...still, that was beside the point. The main point, and the reason they were standing there at all, was that her title was much, much more literal than she'd previously thought. (Hesitantly, Selene placed her hand on her chest. Was it really empty? Hollow, as those bird-brains from before had suggested? The moon princess could swear that blood was still running through her veins, that she could hear it, but... well, she was also willing to swear that not a single milk tooth had ever plagued her perfect little mouth. What was the truth, then? Did some universal truth even exist, or were these creatures just showing her the issue from some arcane angle that was beneficial to them and them only? It wasn't like they didn't want anything from her, after all! Marriage. They want me to get married, and put a ball and chain to my ankle. A Sol-shaped ball and chain, which had honestly become more appealing than she had ever expected it to, but what did that matter? A union was a union, and the implications were largely the same. A Married!Selene couldn't marry anyone else, nor could she expand her influence like that-- in fact, it was likely that the Moon court would get absorbed by its Sun counterpart, for the big always feasted on the small. Could that be their plan here? The total dissolution of her power, via turning her into some pathetic trophy wife? Also, wait, wait, wait, what the hell had they said about her glorious personality?! Selene did not have to deal with Selene-slander, here in this supposed place of healing! ...or anywhere else, to be quite honest, because those who spread such poison deserved to step on Lego each and every day of their miserable lives. Like, nope.)

"I am not who I am because I lack some useless organ," the moon princess frowned, folding her arms over her chest. "I will have you know that I am the great Selene, and women are dying to be like me. There's not a single person alive who doesn't want to be me, or have me, or put my head on a decorative spike. What more could I possibly want?"

"Uhhh... to be fucking normal?" Edith supplied, oh so helpfully. "Listen, Selene, I do understand the whole sunk cost fallacy thing you have going on, but like, you should stop. Now. It's not too late to turn away from the path of the sad little weirdo and instead spoil the wife you've always been meant to spoil! Come on, don't be such a party pooper. If everyone was like you, Danielle Steele would have nothing to write about!"

"Danielle Steele and her ilk are the very reason why Smear and other blights upon humanity were released," Selene pointed out. "Therefore, their existence shall not be tolerated. Once I become the queen, I will write a law about bad romance. Unless it's the Lady Gaga song," what, "the author will be punished by having to inscribe into a stone 'I shall not break the laws of storytelling' ten thousand times." Hah! That would teach them, Selene was certain. Now, before the mothers came up with anything even stupider, the moon princess turned to Sol.

"Should we leave? We still have a demon realm to conquer and, um, you didn't seem too enthusiastic about the wedding. I guess my literal heart isn't enough to sway you. Or," please, please, please, goddess, give me the strength to shut up, "should I try harder? I guess I could compose you a song," because bitches loved songs, Selene had heard, "or, like, give you some of my other organs. You did enjoy those the last time around." ...sooo, the thing about shutting up? It hadn't worked out, but the moon princess wished it had. "Want to keep my heart still? I'm not using it, anyway, and I think it would make a fine necklace. D-do you like necklaces, Sol?" Dammit, think of politics! They want to steal your entire court away from you, you chronic fool! "I like them as well," Selene blabbed happily, somehow bypassing all of her concerns. "By the way, have you heard that common interests provide a good basis for relationships? I... I think you could be really good at murder, too, if you put your heart into it. Should we have a murder date? I will teach you how to murder things without remorse. There's an easy trick to it-- you just have to be an asshole." (Haha, that went well. Super smooth!)

starboob · Aug 22, 2021

Sol has always known she's got hearts, but she always assumed she was just born with extras. Never in a million years would she have guessed that she actually took it from Selene. (Well, she supposes that it was given to her but it also kind of feels like she took it. Like, she doesn't feel good about having it––especially knowing that it's the reason her former childhood friend turned into such a butthole. Though she hasn't been a butthole to Sol in at least two hours and that has got to be a major record.) She wants to give it back, like right away, but she remembers little Selene's worries and knowing that Selene has been doing a lot of dying lately, she guesses that her heart still isn't safe from people like her royal momminess, Luna. She won't risk finding out what happens if Luna finds Selene's heart and puts it into a blender and then feeds it to tigers. Plus, she made a (dubious) promise to keep it safe and protected and she does take her promises very seriously.

Of course then Selene's opens her maladjusted mouth once more and Sol does consider that there may be more pros than cons if she were to give the organ back to her. 'No, no, that will only be a temporary fix with Luna still around.' "Hey," Sol pipes up when Edith insults her rival, "She may be a sad little weirdo, but I dunno, it's not her fault! I'm her heart guardian and so as long as this is my duty," she giggles, "she can't help her sad little weirdo ways. It's her normal and we ought to respect it."

"A stunning defense of your future wife, Sol!" Sarah claps. "You two are going to be such darlings to each other, I just know it. Perhaps even cuter than the demon queens once you get past your equivalent demonic era." (While Sarah looks at Sol when she says that, the sunbeam assumes she's actually referring to Selene and Selene's current era. She is a bit of a demon if Sol is being honest, but she now knows that's because she lacks a heart. Even without a heart, though, she's found reasons to like her counterpart! So she knows her inherent Selene-ness is just enough for her, heart or no heart. You cannot take away someone's 'ness,' after all.)

"Gee, that's a pretty high bar, but I think we can totes mana..." Manage is the word Sol is struggling to finish, because she immediately realizes what she just implied and while it's not as bad as Selene's earlier implications, it's still a lot. 'Aw, cheese. What are you even thinking, Sol? Selene has done nothing to woo you, not in any substantial way, and now you're just okay with marrying her?! Soft lips and great butt aside, you gotta think carefully about this one. This is your love marriage.' After her private meeting between herself and herself, she returns to the group conversation and finds that Selene is being a huge dork again. This is going to make it very difficult for Sol to remember the meeting she just had with herself.

At first Sol giggles at her rival, an amused smile on her lips, but it quickly turns to a frown when Selene suggests murder as an appropriate bonding activity. Yeah, that's just not her style and while she does accept that this is part of Selene's character, she will not condone it for herself. "Marriage is pretty serious, Selene. You don't even know me that well. Like, it looks like we haven't been friends in over a decade and while I don't think much has changed about me, you're different. I'd like to get to know the new Selene before making such a big decision," she offers, surprising herself with what her own words seem to imply. She knows she's being honest, however, so she tries to not feel too embarrassed about it. Besides, since day one of (re)meeting her counterpart, she's wanted to be her friend. If they're destined to turn into something more? Then they're destined to turn into something more, but first Sol will need some good ol' TLC before she promises her own heart to someone else. (Well, metaphorically, she supposes, since her physical one has been promised to someone else. Haha. Ha.) "Until your heart is safe, I'll totally watch over her. I'll even read her bedtime stories and make sure she gets enough exercise and vitamins! I kinda like knowing there's a little piece of you in me, makes me feel closer to you I guess. Or explains why I feel so close to you even if I don't know the new you all that well. But, um, I definitely don't want anymore of your organs. You should, uh, keep those. Probably. I guess you're doing okay without a heart, but who knows what a misplaced liver will do."

Seeing that Selene seems so freaked out, Sol cautiously takes her hands to assure her that she's fine. "I do like necklaces, but, again, I've gotta keep your heart next to mine for now. Someday, I'm sure you'll want it back or need it for something." She pauses, then whispers so that the primordial mothers can't hear, "You know, you don't have to be so nervous around me. We've been friends before, I'm sure we can be friends again." Impulsively, she kisses Selene's knuckles and then lets go of her hands. "I'm, uh, not keen on bonding over murder. That is probably one of our differences. Which is fine! Differences are cool. They are like relationship spice! You can do the murder stuff and I'll, um, tell you about the birds and the bees." 'Sol!' (To be fair, she means this literally.)

"Realistically, our moms probably know the take over of an entire realm should take a goddess in training, like, two weeks. No, a week. Hmm, three days?" she thinks on this and then decides that doesn't matter. "Let's play hookie! Hmm, what's something we'd both like..."

"Ohh, when Liv, Sarah, and I were the HBIC we loved to smite people for benign crimes. How about a smite-date?"

"No, no, Edith, did you not hear that Sol doesn't like murder?" Liv scoffs, "If she doesn't like murder, she's not going to like smiting. Fun as it is. Why don't we send them to the edge of oblivion? Where fallen goddesses are exiled! Could be good for... reasons."

Syntra · Aug 24, 2021

This day might as well have been called The Feelings Day, because for Selene, it was… umm, full of discoveries. Some of them were pretty significant, too. While the desire to die from earlier had faded, it was quickly replaced by something else-- a giddy, fluttery sensation in her stomach, warm enough to color her cheeks pink. Maybe the moon princess was sick? Her immune system should have protected her from any and all afflictions, but seeing as she was missing her heart, perhaps it didn’t work quite as intended. Then again, it… also wasn’t unpleasant? All of the blood seemed to rush right into her head and she had to fight a sudden, mysterious impulse to collapse in a fit of giggles, but other than that, Selene felt fine. More than fine, actually. (For most of her life, you see, the moon princess had been cold. It wasn’t really a physical thing-- Luna had claimed once that all of them bore ice in their veins, but when she’d cut them open to see, there was blood for sure. No, it couldn’t have been that! As years had gone by, however, she had come to understand it as a metaphor of sorts. Where the sun hot, the moon was freezing-- the absence of warmth was so strong, indeed, that it could cover the entire galaxy in ice. So, it would make sense that Selene’s own soul would reflect it in a way, right? For she’d been spun out of moonlight, moonlight and stardust, and stitched together with the waters of the Great Frozen Sea! …this new feeling wasn’t half-bad, though. To her, it was almost like being held, even if no arms wrapped around her shoulders. Did Sol also have this portable, magical source of comfiness? If so, then maybe, maybe Selene could understand the sunny mood she always seemed to find herself in, a little bit.)

“Um,” the moon princess said, because she was the very definition of eloquence. Nobody could beat her in a conversation, because duh, obviously conversations were about dominating your opponent. With words sharper than swords, you had to carve their ridiculous opinions out of them the same way you’d cut out cancer! (…some did claim otherwise, yes, but see point number one. Selene’s opinions were automatically correct, solely due to her being Selene. And, according to that handy little rule? Everyone who didn’t bow their head in awe of her infinite wisdom also happened to be a sucker.) “What is this nervousness you speak of, Sol? I am never nervous. That is for people who don’t know the triumph of success, and I…” have failed more times than I can count, “…well, that doesn’t happen to me. I am only ever temporarily inconvenienced.” Hahaha, right? Failing didn’t register as failing when you never stopped trying, you see, and so it was a fact that Selene had never failed to conquer Inna and Liora’s demonic queendom. Her plan was simply in progress, which meant it was unfair to expect conclusive results just yet! In her head, all of that made perfect sense. “A-and besides, I don’t really do emotions, anyway. A princess doesn’t fall victim to her own silly whims like that. Should you reject me, I will…” probably cry so hard my stitches will rupture, tbh, “accept it with grace.” (But she wouldn’t, right? Again, Selene was Selene, not some cheap Greek goddess knock-off like that horrible, horrible Mars! Sol may have been a dumbass herself, but she did know how to look out for herself.)

“So, um,” her new favorite word, apparently, “you’re not saying no?” It was a temporary no at worst, and that fell into the established pattern very neatly. (Get a hold of yourself, Selene, some rational part of her commanded. Can you not hear yourself? You sound like a total simp, which, what, and yet the woman you’re talking to is so below you that she doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air that you do. Are you not ashamed? And, frankly, she should have been, but she wasn’t. Not with the funny, funny feeling nestled in her stomach, painting pictures in her mind! …her and Sol, walking down the wedding aisle, was the tamest one of the bunch by far. The rest were, uh, locked by the mighty wall of censorship? Something like that.) “Am I getting this right? I, um, can be good for you. I have never tried, but I am sure I can at least not be too toxic. The last time I checked, I wasn’t a poisonous mushroom!” Wow, Selene was getting dangerously good at the whole flirting thing-- not that it was too surprising, but it still had to be pointed out.

“Why should we want to visit a dreadful place like that?” the moon princess frowned. Of course, the primordial mothers had never once cared for her opinion and they weren’t about to start doing it now. Before they could even think of presenting compelling arguments, there was this familiar feeling of whoosh! …and, for once, it wasn’t the sound of the point flying over Selene’s head.

When they came to, they found themselves surrounded by lava, dying grass and mangled corpses. You know, the usual ‘doomed’ scenery! (Once again, everyone was lucky that Selene’s eyes happened to be sealed-- had she actually seen any of that, the commentary on the lack of originality would have been endless.) “Ugh. Is this supposed to be our first date spot?” the moon princess furrowed her brow. “Somehow, I can smell the creative bankruptcy from here. Please, tell me that this isn’t the most tired depiction of the earthly concept of hell?”

“Oooh!” someone clapped, so aggressively that Selene’s ears genuinely hurt. “Princess Sol, is it your turn already? My dude, time sure does fly. I could have sworn that you were just an itty-bitty baby yesterday, and here you are, enjoying your first villainous turn! Come on, then-- our first procedure is to flay you alive. This will make all the subsequent transformations much, much easier on the body.”

starboob · Aug 25, 2021

Yeah, Selene is a total cutie when she's not being a butthole. Sol always suspected that her counterpart had an undeniably squishy interior beyond her facade of Big Meanie Pants 2000 and to know that she had been correct all along? Another mark to tally on the 'Sol is always right' scoreboard that exists in her head. (No, there is not another column tracking the times she's been wrong. If there were, she's pretty sure it would be empty.)

However, the sunbeam is suspicious about all of this, too. She knows it's been a minute since she last saw the moonbeam, but she remembers they mostly ended on neutral terms. (Even then, neutral terms might be too generous. If anything it was just 'not outwardly hostile' terms.) Before that they had a huge fight because Selene is apparently not good at taking hints (not mention, she insulted Sol's honor). Then even before-er Selene was, uh, not Sol's biggest fan––like, tried to have killed off on several occasions, teased her every chance she got, judged her like it was her job, and was generally unpleasant to be around. (Still more pleasant the rest of the members of the Sun court, however.) Not that any of that stopped Sol's (confirmed) hearts from wanting to be friends with Selene or stopped her from imagining what her mouth tastes like after eating a peach. (Haha...) She supposes she's only a skeptical about why now because she's been drinking her Become Friends with My Rival juice since day one! Why'd it take so long for Selene to catch up on the undeniable fact that Sol is Awesome and Deserves the World? 'Probably because it was so threatening to her fragile ego, tbh.'

With that grand mystery settled, she decides to just go with this for as long as it lasts. She's not sure if Selene is messing with her or not, but she seems far too dorky to be lying and she's reasonably certain she'll be able to spot any red flags should they arise :^)

Happily, she whees! as they are sent through an interdimensional teleportation tube and spit out in the pits of hell. (Gee, what is this? The third hell they've visited today? What gives?!) She lands softly on her feet and spins around to get a good look of the place. "Ugh, I liked the Super Weenie Hut Jr. version of hell with the ice cream landscape better. That was a truly galaxy brained concept for hell––like, imagine having to get a stomach ache everyday because you can't just not eat all that ice cream. The Liora x Inna one is a close second, if only because they seem to support anime titty rights and I have to say, as a boob gal myself, I am an appreciator. Did you know they have a dog?"

She smiles and rolls her eyes at Selene's comment––it's both such a classic display of her usual unimpressed nature and Sol thinks it's cute that she's calling this a date. "Yeah, I guess it is a bit much to go to hell and back on the first date," she jokes, nudging Selene's arm. "Mayest I taketh thine hand?" This is either a mockery of the way her rival talks or a genuine attempt and sounding That Way.

Unfortunately, their romantic stroll through hell date is interrupted by one of the most horrible looking things that Sol has ever seen. And she's trying to be nice about it. 'Gonna have nightmares about that face.' It's a gross fleshy creature that resembles what one might literally imagine a 'human flesh sack' to be. It moves like a slug and even appears slimy like one too. She's so caught up trying to process this Uggo (she hates to say it) that she almost misses everything it says. "Uhh, my turn? I didn't know we all took turns coming here." If she thinks about it, it does make sense as she imagines that being exiled would be a good character building experience and goddesses do need to have good character. "And I don't think I'm evil? Well, do multiple incidents of accidental mass murder count as evil? Asking for a friend..."

"Ehh, we're goddesses (or were). It's part of the job and sometimes we get bored," the blob shrugs––or rather does an approximation of a shrug. "If that's all you've done... why are you here? Seems like you're jumping the gun on your turn. Are you that eager to get this over with?"

"The primordial mothers sent us here for our first date. They want us to get married, so we're trying out this whole courtship thing. Have any good date spots around here? I'm partial to ice cream dates, skipping rocks, collecting flowers..."

"Wretched date ideas, princess Sol! I have it on good authority that I used to be the goddess of desire and thus can confidently say all of those are boring. If you want this relationship to last, your first date has to be extraordinary," she nods, "Why not free the titans? That would quite fun and your mothers would be none the wiser that it was you two! After all, what happens in the edge of oblivion, stays in the edge of oblivion."

Fantasy ☾ eclipse of the heart.| (syntra + starboob = synboob.)

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