Character Critique Thread

[Necessity4Fun]

In her knife skill, you wrote "she learned to and lengthier used a knife" - what does this mean?

I'm butting in, but I believe this sentence would mean something along the lines "She has learned and used a knife", marking firmly that not only she has been taught how to use it, but has also done so several times before.

At least that's how I interpret/fix this part, Dago is free to accept or deny this interpretation >w<

 

[AllHailDago]

What's the limit of how big she can make forms? Could a mouse become the size of an elephant or vice versa?

How functional can her forms be? For example, if she shifted into something electrical like a TV, would it work if plugged in?

Does partial shifting allow her to choose the form?

Shouldn't her agility stat be higher than normal, if she can shift into a literal flying phoenix? Not to mention, I'd have thought a phoenix would get an energy stat of at least 2, what with the fire and all.

Time Constraints: is this dependent on the size of the form, or the complexity?

In her knife skill, you wrote "she learned to and lengthier used a knife" - what does this mean?

Is it alright if I point out some grammatical/spelling mistakes?

Please do spelling and grammar wise, which are more likely more frequent than normal due to phone use.

The pointed out sentence is one example.

The forms act as one should expect a thing of that form to work. A TV can be turned on and such but TV show do need cable for shows so you'd get static.

As for the stats thing, Welian said to come up with a base set. That's likely to be something that comes up in CC. She was rather adamant about not having 101 different stat sheets.

Time constraints: An hour in any form. Regardless of complexity or size.

For both her sub abilities I was thinking a random aspect as well. Example a d9 list for size. D1 being 100 times smaller, 2 10x, 3 5x, 4 2x, 5 failing to change, 6 2x etc. The partial a d3. D1 is fail for her choice, roll from reg d100. D2 is fail to transform period. D3 is succeed.

 

[The J]

Please do spelling and grammar wise, which are more likely more frequent than normal due to phone use.

The pointed out sentence is one example.

The forms act as one should expect a thing of that form to work. A TV can be turned on and such but TV show do need cable for shows so you'd get static.

As for the stats thing, Welian said to come up with a base set. That's likely to be something that comes up in CC. She was rather adamant about not having 101 different stat sheets.

Time constraints: An hour in any form. Regardless of complexity or size.

For both her sub abilities I was thinking a random aspect as well. Example a d9 list for size. D1 being 100 times smaller, 2 10x, 3 5x, 4 2x, 5 failing to change, 6 2x etc. The partial a d3. D1 is fail for her choice, roll from reg d100. D2 is fail to transform period. D3 is succeed.

Time constraints: whoops, I meant Shift Time, sorry!

Dice stuff: I understand about 20% of that. No worries, though, I'm sure the CC will get that covered nicely. Luddeus knows his stuff about dice.

For spelling and grammar, I've bolded and coloured red my recommended changes:

Y

Vance, M.

• Stats
• General
• Appearance
• Biography
• Relationships
• Superpowers
• Skills
• Gallery

• Heroism Meter
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  COUR	▌	01
  ALTR	▌▌▌▌	04
  ORDR	▌▌▌▌▌	05
  KIND	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	09
  PRCT	▌▌	02
  DIPL	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	09

  Ability Statistics
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  HLTH	▌▌▌	03
  STRN	▌▌	02
  DEFN	▌▌▌▌	04
  AGLT	▌▌	02
  INTL	▌▌	02
  WILL	▌▌	02
  ENRG	▌	01

  
  
• Full Name
  Melody Elanna Vance
  
  Nicknames
  Mel, M, E, V, Lana, etc. She's lived in a lot of places and gained many nicknames good and bad.
  
  Codename
  N/A
  
  Gender
  Female
  
  Age
  15
  
  Rank
  C Rank
  
  Limiter
  Active, Level 1
  
  Role
  Student
• Race
  African-American
  
  Hair
  Dark brown
  
  Eyes
  Dark Green
  
  Height
  5' 5"
  
  Figure
  Somewhat underweight at 105 lbs.
  
  Notes
  Old burns and scars on her body and arms.
  
  A scar on her neck where a tattoo was literally cut away.
  
  A small tattoo of a heart with the radioactive symbol pattern on her right hip. Courtesy of her most recent gang affiliation.
  
  As the prior entries might imply, she rarely wears skin-exposing clothes around others.
• Kind-Hearted
  Despite her past experiences and how she herself has been treated to this point, she still actively tries to be kind to all others. Some may say she only does this to avoid confrontation or enemies, but others might notice it as the only time any real force of personality seems to exude from her.
  
  Adaptable
  As a byproduct of her life in foster care and numerous homes and schools, she has become very much an actively adapting sort. She tends to begin taking on required aspects to fit in as needed within a relatively short time of being somewhere.
  
  Soft-spoken
  Melody is not really one to express herself loudly and aggressively. Her tone is nearly always measured and peaceful. As if she were explaining a concept to an easily startled child.
  
  No Self Importance
  She has always needed to be what others want, and was hurt otherwise. So she hasn't really had a solid self-identity in a long time. She doesn't consider herself important compared to others, hardly forming an opinion based on her own thoughts.
  
  History
  Born in Los Angeles originally, Melody was given up for adoption shortly after her birth. It was the first time of many she was given to the foster care system. She jumped around from home to home in rather rapid order. Given up when people were done using her physically or emotionally, or in certain cases when it was discovered she'd affiliated with a gang in the local area. She always did it for friends and safety, but it only ever seemed to backfire.Yet she continued to do it.
  
  One of her case workers thought transferring her away from her home city was the best idea. Yet, in Baltimore, she still found a gang of sorts in her high school. One who picked up on her submission and eagerness to befriend rather easily. They thought they'd play a game to initiate the new girl. Either she'd succeed and they'd all profit, or fail and they get a fun story. They convinced her to pick her way into a rival gang members locker to steal and sabotage some of her things. She of course agreed.
  
  It did not go as planned. Oh, sneaking in the locker room during class wasn't difficult, no. Nor was picking the lock to the locker. However when she was about to leave she found herself confronted by the rival gang member and several friends. They disagreed with her actions via fist on face violence. That didn't turn out to be enough for them. One pulled a knife out on her. She panicked, tried anything to escape.
  
  That was the first time her super gene decided it wanted to be relevant. Between the time the girl tried stabbing her and she began screaming, she changed. Suddenly there was no girl held and pinned by several others. No, there was a sixteen foot King Cobra. It was clearly dazed and confused, Melody stunned by her first use of her ability. But those girls might as well have been bitten for how loudly they screamed and how quickly they ran.
  
  A flurry of things happened following this. Melody was classified and registered as a super and given a rank as appropriate to the Commonwealth belief. Her caseworker pulled her from that school until she could figure out an alternative. She was sent to Aegis, to learn how to control her ability. She hoped perhaps it would be here she might finally fit in.
• Jeremy Stone
  Her caseworker. A prim and proper man with high hopes for his case children. Melody likes him as the only person who's consistently cared without asking more of her than she gave.
• Shape Shifting
  Melody has the ability to change forms into a wide variety of plants, animals, and objects. From a bathtub full of steaming water to a literal phoenix, she has both inane and awesome forms!
  
  
  • Partial Shifting(Latent/Undiscovered): Melody can shift select portions of herself into other forms.
  • Size Shifting(Latent/Undiscovered): Melody can change the size of her forms to become larger or smaller as desired.
  
  Limitations
  
  • Form Choice: Perhaps a permanent limitation, perhaps one she'll get over with time and growth. Melody can't seem to choose which of her forms she transforms into. This can get rather awkward or unpleasant when she gets the opposite of her intended result.
    
  • Damage Transfer: Any wound gained while in her forms will transfer to a similar degree when she turns back. The reverse holds true as well. E.g. remove a limb in human form, Dragon fly only has 3 wings. Stab a tree eye out one less eye in human form.
    
  • Time Constraints: Any form she stays in for an hour or more she is stuck in until 24 hours from the time she transformed. She has no clue why, but has made sure it only happened the first time.
  • Instinct Control: When she transforms and when she changes back, she has control issues over the forms natural instincts. After transforming back she retains some of those instincts for a time in human form.
  • Shift Time: Depending on the form she can take from thirty seconds to five minutes.
  • Human Base: She must return to human form to shift to another form.
  • Shift Delay: She must wait five minutes between shifting forms. This does not include becoming human again after changing.
• 
  Lockpicking: A skill she was taught by one of the varying gangs she joined "voluntarily" as a child. She has honed it for several years and can now pick pretty much any run of the mill lock, and a few types of more complex locks.
  
  Extended Plant and Animal Knowledge: They've always interested her, and she considered going into a profession involving either as an adult. Her recent powers enhanced this as she now has personal knowledge of being those things!
  
  Spray Paint Artist: Originally a talent she picked up illegally, she has found she really enjoys and excels at it when allowed to. Her preferred painting inspiration is nature/landscapes.
  
  Knife Wielding Proficiency: While in a gang she refused to use a gun, so instead she learned to use a knife. It's not military-like ability, but it's proficiency above a standard or basically trained individual.
  
  Cooking: She has had to cook for herself at several of her foster family's or foster homes if she wanted to eat. She worked and read in order to make her food better, regardless of what she had on hand. If she could, why not eat AND enjoy it. That was her thought process. Preferred cooking: grilling.
  
  Singing: She has a rather beautiful singing voice, which she finds funny considering her name. While she loves singing she is very shy to show off this talent. Her singing for you is an extension of trust of an incredible order.
  
• 
  Theme songs(interpret them as you will!):
  
  
  
  

 

[AllHailDago]

I'm butting in, but I believe this sentence would mean something along the lines "She has learned and used a knife", marking firmly that not only she has been taught how to use it, but has also done so several times before.

At least that's how I interpret/fix this part, Dago is free to accept or deny this interpretation >w<

I believe you are correct but I changed it anyhow cx thank you for alleviating my confusion on how it ended up what it was.

Time constraints: whoops, I meant Shift Time, sorry!

Dice stuff: I understand about 20% of that. No worries, though, I'm sure the CC will get that covered nicely. Luddeus knows his stuff about dice.

For spelling and grammar, I've bolded and coloured red my recommended changes:

Thanks! All edited up.

As an easy to visualize chart think like this.

Partial shift die roll: 1d3 (one three sided die)
Rolled a 1: Fail to partially shift into what you want. Roll from basic d100 for what she DID shift to. Reroll if you somehow land on her desired form.
Rolled a 2: Failed to shift at all.
Rolled a 3: Success.

Size Shifting die roll: Roll 1d9 (one nine sided die)
Rolled 1: Shift 100x smaller than normal
Rolled 2: Shift 10x smaller
Rolled 3: Shift 5x smaller
Rolled 4: Shift 2x smaller
Rolled 5: Stay normal sized
Rolled 6: Shift 2x larger
Rolled 7: Shift 5x larger
Rolled 8: Shift 10x larger
Rolled 9: Shift 100x larger

 

[Teh Frixz]

I'm hesitant to bring a dice mechanic into gameplay.

 

[The J]

So I think this mofo's finally fully written out. For your pleasure, entertainment, wonderment, and amusement I present to you, the one, the only...
ENNA!
CINAED!
https://www.rpnation.com/threads/cinaed-e.319206/
Come at me

 

[The J]

Has nobody got anything to say about my man Enna?

 

[welian]

Sorry, catching up on stuff today. The closer I get to graduation, the busier I am!!

Natealie I would like to see one or two additional limitations for Nix, since the inability of his power to confer combat expertise on him seems to fall under his Understanding =/= Comprehension limitation. I would also like a bit of extra explanation on his Anti-Cipher limitation - why is it that anyone can understand any code or cipher he's written? His main power is all about being able to understand what's being communicated no matter the language or medium, but what about that makes it so that anyone reading his message would understand both the normal message and the one that he's hidden?

Interesting use of second person in the bio, btw. Very Homestuck.

EDIT: I'm also curious if you had any particular reason to put 3 points in energy? The character committee has got a couple theories about how his power works and why you put those points there, but obviously since he's your character, only you can explain why you think those stats make the most sense. I don't want to give you the impression you're not allowed to put points there, btw! I just want to understand Nix's powers better.

 

[Natealie]

I can explain the cypher point here. His power is not just to understand, but also to be understood. The cypher limitation falls under the latter of being understood.

Could I get help brainstorming limitations then? The ability is weak to begin with so I'd prefer if it did not weaken the effectiveness of the ability. However I honestly cannot think of anything else. Sorry.

Yes I am Homestuck trash. I was contemplating putting certain words in all caps, but I figured that would be a bit to on the nose. Also I am a Knight of Hope.

I was told by Lud that 3 points in energy would be appropriate for this. There's not much meaning behind it other than that.

 

[welian]

I see! I had missed that detail. So, Nix cannot write in cipher because his power overrides his intent. That makes sense.

For easy-peasy limitations, I like to ask people if there are certain situations in which a character's powers won't work. For example, my character has telepathy, but it doesn't work after a certain distance. Anneleise (another character) has a power somewhat similar to Nix's, and one of her limitations is that she can't gather as much information from written materials as she can from a real live conversation. An easy way to create limitations is to ask yourself which tasks Nix has more trouble completing with his power than others. If you can't think of any limitations, then Nix might be more powerful than you realize.

Do you happen to remember the reason Ludd gave you? We're trying to make a habit of grilling new players to make sure that they are confident in their character and how their powers and stats work.

 

[Natealie]

I actually came up with a limitation as you typed that. Nix can be overwhelmed by information in certain situations. And unfortunately I do not remember the exact reason unfortunately.

 

[welian]

Well, let me know when you remember, or come up with a new reason why. Sometimes new players come up with really good explanations that make older players consider editing their sheets.

 

[Natealie]

I honestly think we need to ask Lud since I believe he'd know. If there isn't a reason then I can adjust values tomorrow. I'm heading to anime club now.

 

[Natealie]

The reason he gave is because his ability not only affects himself but others essentially. He's not the only one who understands things, others will also understand him. At least that's my interpretation of what he said.

welian

 

[Lemon Boy]

COME MY CHILDREN, REVIEW THE CHARACTER I'VE FINALLY SETTLED ON AFTER ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF CYCLING BETWEEN POSSIBLE IDEA'S
Feel free to boost my ego or not, I'm pretty into both of those things happening

https://www.rpnation.com/threads/le-sueur-s.326240/

 

[Lemon Boy]

Okay, so I'm terrible and don't know when to keep up with this thread even though I am part of the CC < _ >

The J
I bet you enjoyed using the codename "Simurgh" you Worm slut.
Anyway, onto the actual review, sorry for how long it took to reply < _ >

• Pretty smokin, metaphorically and literally. I like the simplicity of his background that lacks most overdone cliche's yet still remained fairly interesting to read through, I especially like the fact that he's also linked to another character who's also in the RP and you two got some things planned, which is always nice, allows some character development to start right off the bat once he gets in. I really like his negative trait which is combined with his neutral trait of him being "Fake" as well. A nice change to the typical doom and gloom character who usually just publicly screeches about how they find life meaningless and everything. Personally, I really like the character and think they're well done.
• You should note that this incoming opinion could change if other members, including CC and other people, bring about valid points, but at this moment I believe that the power is near fine at the moment, with only some minor tweaking needed. I like the nerf to the temperature of the fire, so it's not too over the top in my opinion now but also still allows him to make a significant impact for a person of his ranking. The two problems I have with the power at the moment is that you don't seem to state anywhere what the exact length of his wings actually is. Are they 5ft, 10ft, 50ft long? The only thing that comes close to this is that you say that the wings are long, but there's no specifics, which would greatly help in my opinion. My second problem is that isn't much of a problem, it's more of a question, but I'm assuming Water and lack of fuel such as oxygen can negate his abilities? Sure, they might be obvious no-brainers, but I think they should still be listed weaknesses if that's the case. If that's not the case, I'd like that to be mentioned as well.
• Overall pretty good character from what I'm seeing at this moment, minor suggestions incoming. Perhaps include a Fahrenheit measurement in his abilities as well? I'm fully aware that us Brits are the superior people but the majority of the players in AEGIS seem to be American and I'm sure they'd appreciate it.

welian
Eeeyyy, bitter albino cinnamon bun is back!
Also damn, Alpha Avecca is only 16? What a babu
Now, onto the review!

• You should probably make it so one of her listed Superpowers is the ability to be whiter than snow; Okay, getting serious now, I like the character! She seems pretty chill and well-written personality wise. I find the fact that she doesn't realize the irony of her prejudice against Supers despite she herself being a Super incredibly amusing as well. I like the general mystery surrounding her as well, especially the small part in her Relationships regarding how Avecca actually came to meet Raguel and how she came to work for her in the first place despite she herself being a Super. Only a very minor point that can be addressed if you want, even if it's something that would happen because of how she is, but I believe you should also state how she was most likely mentally conditioned as well to have such an intense hatred towards the Super population.
• I like her powers as well, with my only issue being her stats. I'm 100% aware of how busy you are at the moment but she has a Stat of four in something such as Agility, which is really fast, for someone who doesn't have any abilities related to said speed. Is this a result of the Grapple-Hook technology that she wielded which was then stolen by Isabelle or is she fitted with inbuilt cybernetics that allows her to travel at such speeds? If the former, I believe you should include a small note bar at the bottom of the Stat that states how fast she's capable of going with the Grapple-Hook tech and color in the bars that include this, so with her Grapple hook tech for example, she's got a total of four points in agility, with those of those points being colored blue or something to clearly show how it's not a physical capability, but an ability that is a result of something she wields. If the former though, I'd most likely suggest the implementation of what these cybernetics are and what they are capable of in total.

Natealie
Eeek, sorry to keep you waiting for so long! D:
Anyway, bonus points for including Male Saber as their adoptive father.

• I don't have too much to say, I like the unique way that the backstory was written in comparison to the others and it's relative simplicity. The character seems pretty interesting and liable for actual development through the story as well, which is another plus to me as well! Their powers as of this moment are fine to me personally and you've basically got my approval on the character. I have yet to see what the other members of the CC think of the character, but I think he's fine at this moment!

 

[Natealie]

Thank you very much. I eagerly await more approval.

 

[The J]

Okay, so I'm terrible and don't know when to keep up with this thread even though I am part of the CC < _ >

The J
I bet you enjoyed using the codename "Simurgh" you Worm slut. damn straight
Anyway, onto the actual review, sorry for how long it took to reply < _ >

• Pretty smokin, metaphorically and literally. u havn a gigul mate? I like the simplicity of his background that lacks most overdone cliches yet still remained fairly interesting to read through, I especially like the fact that he's also linked to another character who's also in the RP and you two got some things planned, which is always nice, allows some character development to start right off the bat once he gets in. I really like his negative trait which is combined with his neutral trait of him being "Fake" as well. A nice change to the typical doom and gloom character who usually just publicly screeches about how they find life meaningless and everything. Personally, I really like the character and think they're well done. d'awwww stop it you
• You should note that this incoming opinion could change if other members, including CC and other people, bring about valid points, but at this moment I believe that the power is near fine at the moment, with only some minor tweaking needed. I like the nerf to the temperature of the fire, so it's not too over the top in my opinion now but also still allows him to make a significant impact for a person of his ranking. The two problems I have with the power at the moment is that you don't seem to state anywhere what the exact length of his wings actually is. Are they 5ft, 10ft, 50ft long? 10 feet, as mentioned in his appearanceThe only thing that comes close to this is that you say that the wings are long, but there's no specifics, which would greatly help in my opinion. My second problem is that isn't much of a problem, it's more of a question, but I'm assuming Water and lack of fuel such as oxygen can negate his abilities? Sure, they might be obvious no-brainers, but I think they should still be listed weaknesses if that's the case. If that's not the case, I'd like that to be mentioned as well.
• Overall pretty good character from what I'm seeing at this moment, minor suggestions incoming. Perhaps include a Fahrenheit measurement in his abilities as well? I'd rather die I'm fully aware that us Brits are the superior people but the majority of the players in AEGIS seem to be American and I'm sure they'd appreciate it. I'm sure they have use of google for conversion to pleb units

I don't think that water would affect the wings negatively. I guess it's not even normal fire, as it's produced by his energy. Oxygen, yes, he needs that.

 

[Necessity4Fun]

Okay so, we were discussing stuff one day and I realized Cecilia's Power Stats were a bit wonky. Seems like something I had misinterpreted since the start of the RP, had remained overlooked in all of the other 4 CS iterations XD (Yes, it's been that many!)
So she's up for a little revision now.

I moved two points from defense (cause it made absolute no sense) and one from willpower all to energy, then also threw that last B tier point I never used, on energy too. It's solely intuition but I think 6 in energy makes sense and having willpower and energy with similar values (7 and 6) does too.

And that's the only thing I changed since the start of Episode 4, but feel free to read everything and see if there's anything else that needs fixing/adding! >w<

--> https://www.rpnation.com/threads/pellegrini-c.248729/

 

[VirtualUnity]

Cross, E.

• Stats
• General
• Appearance
• Biography
• Relationships
• Superpowers
• Skills
• Equipment
• Gallery

• Heroism Meter
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  COURAGE	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	09;09;09
  ALTRUISM	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	02;06;07
  ORDER	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	01;05;09
  KINDNESS	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	04;07;08
  PRACTICAL	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	02;07;09
  DIPLOMACY	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	03;06;09
  COMPOSURE	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	03;06;07

  Ability Statistics
  Aspect	Scale	Total
  HEALTH	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	07;07;07
  STRENGTH	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	04;06;08
  DEFENSE	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	05;06;09
  AGILITY	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	05;07;09
  INTELLIGENCE	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	05;07;08
  WILL	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	06;07;09
  ENERGY	▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌	07;07;07

  
  
• Full Name
  Elias Nicholas S.[Stein] Cross
  
  Nicknames
  Eli; Nick; Steiner; Prophet; Liam; Ilias; Two-Eyes; Umbra; Photon;
  
  Codename
  Eclipse
  
  Gender
  Male
  
  Age
  35[11th November]
  
  Rank
  S
  
  Limiter
  Level 4[Active]
  
  Role
  Teacher:
  -Emotional Composure(Substitute)
  -Mental Discipline(Substitute)
  -Physical Discipline(Substitute)
  -How Not to Kill(Substitute)
  Faculty:
  -Security Officer
  
• Race
  Fair, Euro-Canadian[Irish/German Descent]
  
  Hair
  Long, Dark-Auburn; Tied in a messy Half-Ponytail, and a kept full-beard of the same colour.
  
  Eyes
  Left: Gold; Right: Silver
  
  Height
  6'4"
  
  Figure
  Athletic; Slightly Muscular, 210 lbs.
  
  Notes
  -An S.A.S. tattoo on his upper-right back
  -A couple of scars around his arms, back, and chest
  -Wears a Military jacket majority of the time
  
• Understanding -
  Elias, due to his condition, has a greater understanding towards others with similar problems and conditions. With his understanding, Elias can help patiently others with more unstable A6G23 genes, coming from his own unstable abilities to control both light and darkness.
  
  Cynical -
  Developing a Cynical trait over his time in the Special Air Service Regiment, Elias will, for the majority of the time, judge a person based on their first time talking/meeting one another
  
  Curious -
  Growing up with a peculiar curiosity of the mysterious, Elias had always gotten into dicey situations for either nosing around, disobeying an order for the sake of his curiosity, or just simply pressing a button that says not to press it.
  
  Sarcastic -
  Inheriting the same sharp-tongue his Father had, Elias tends to speak his mind freely even though he was told to keep his mouth shut. Preferring to sass and talk-back towards people he finds irritating, Elias will not hold his tongue for anyone, not even his friends if he feels wronged or faulted.
  
  History
  Elias is almost an enigma, majority of his files: Classified. His records: Redacted. And his Missions: Shredded and Burnt to ashes. What didn't remain classified was the bare minimum, his name, age, sex, sexual orientation, nationality, date of birth, place of birth, parentage, and previous occupation. Born in Toronto Canada. Son of Elijah and Nichole, both of which are ex-special forces from their respective countries before retiring to Canada to raise Elias. Elias grew up to join the S.A.S., much like his Father, and became a well-known operative of the organisation until a couple years back. He had only worked alongside Aegis within the recent few years in a facility located in Toronto, only to be moved to Facility 108 in Baltimore a year later.
  
  
• Elijah and Nichole Cross[Parents]
  Elias' relationship with his parents is like any other, aside from the constant reminders from his Mother that he hasn't had a girlfriend or even brought a girl to their house in Toronto, and that he needs to find a reliable woman to marry(though this is for Nichole's selfish reasons of wanting to see her grandchildren while she still breathes), and his Father feeling sorry for him having to put up with Nichole. His relationship with his Father on the other hand is like brothers, Elias being treated as if he was Elijah's little brother.
  
  
• 
  Eclipse[Photo-Umbrakinesis]-
  Elias' A6G23 genes, though dormant in his parents, were rather active within him. A little too active for Aegis' liking. When his genes were awakened, he gained the rare ability to have control over Light and Darkness, one that was rather unstable due to the mental instability it cause him. having developed a peculiar case of D.I.D.(Dissociative Identity Disorder), splitting his more radical personalities into two embodiments: Umbra and Photon. Due to this, and the magnitude of his powers, he was decreed with an S Level and Permanent Level-4 Limiter. Though not really needing a source to use either his abilities, having one greatly increases his control, and decreases the influence of either Umbra or Photon in his actions.
  
  
  • Shadow-Born: While covered in the shadows, or encompassed by the night's darkness, his body repairs itself in a varying, though much faster than normally, pace. Depending on the injury, and the source of the darkness, his body may repair sustained injuries from a couple of seconds, to a couple of hours.
  
  
  • Supercharged: Depending on the amount, and source, Elias can absorb vast amounts of photons to supercharge himself and his attacks to a varying degree. On lower levels of charges Elias can create hard-light constructs to either protect himself or attack other, while on higher levels of charges, he may even produce super-heated beams of light that can act like a more powerful version of a plasma cutter.
  Limitations
  
  
  • Dissociative identity Disorder: Due to his unstable A6G23 genes, he developed a serious case of D.I.D., where his personality, so to say, were split into two radical parts: Umbra and Photon. Umbra being a deeply chaotic and selfish, and Photon being rather delusional about their conviction, and stupidly loyal. When Elias uses either of his abilities without a source, his split-personalities have a chance to take over his body and control his actions, though locked into using only Darkness or Light.
  • Overexertion = Injuries: In the case of overexerting himself and prolonging the use of his abilities, without a source, will start to wear out his internal organs, then his skeleton, then finally, sending him into a comatose state to stop him from accidently killing himself. In the case of damaging his internal organs and skeleton, he will start vomiting or leaking blood from the eyes, nose, or ears. Until his body shuts down and enters an unresponsive state until healed.
  • Zero Emotional Control: Another defect from his unstable A6G23 genes, Elias' emotions tend to have a greater control over his powers, ranging from light sources exploding and spikes made from darkness shoot out from any shadow, to a blackout and people accidentally being taken into a dark-realm and appearing in a random location on the globe. Doesn't matter where, as long there's a shadow there, you can be transported there by accident.
• The Mechanic: During his time in the S.A.S., Elias has been tasked with both leading his team, and maintaining both their gear and vehicles. Learning from his experience on and off the field, he knows his way around mechanical and technological problems.
  
  The Executioner: The Alias he had earned during his service in the S.A.S., he was the most deadly in Soldier in record. Having a record of 3,000+ confirmed kills of radicals, terrorists, and threats to innocent lives during his deployment in war torn nations across the globe. This only happened due to the rigorous training he endured from a Private to a Lieutenant.
  
  The Instructor: A couple of years before his time working in AEGIS, Elias had became an instructor for the new recruits that were accepted each year, teaching them about his experience in his service; in his squadron. Having to teach some rowdy, some cynical, some stubborn recruits has hardened and taught him how to teach others.
  
  German and Irish Cooking: During his off times, he had always spent it with his parents, learning how to cook cuisines and foods from their cultures. Though showing a certain appreciation towards his Mother's culture.
  
  Guitar Lessons: Aside from Elias' parents cooking lessons, his Father has taught him how to play the guitar during his childhood, becoming rather versed in playing the guitar.
  
  
• 
  
  Model .500 Revolver:
  Though considered a relic by today's standards, the S&W .500 Revolver is still a reliable side-arm capable of dishing out large amounts of damage within a quick succession. Carrying 50 cal. rounds in a five-chambered revolver, even with today's advancements it can rip a large hole through dense metals.
  
  Guitar:
  An old fashioned guitar, nothing really special aside from the sentimental value it holds.
  
  
• Tattoo:
  
  Military Jacket:
  
  Favourite Music:
  
  
  

OK.... I finally finished making Elias.... If there are things needing change, please tell me.

 

[The J]

VirtualUnity
Here are some of the problems that strike me first:

His primary power isn't very well-defined. The DID thing is cool, and being boosted by sources is a good start but... that's about it. What can he do with it? What is his range, how strong are the manipulations, how much multitasking can he do, how fast is it? All that and more is needed before we can have a proper grip on his powers. Much of that can go in his limitations if you like. A solid list of every technique he can use would be appreciated for us to look over.

A redacted history isn't very helpful. We want to know his backstory, whether it's known by other characters or not.

His personality should fully describe both of his identities.

Why is someone with sometimes deeply selfish and chaotic tendencies allowed to teach at a school? They can certainly do better.

I think some of those roles you've filled for teaching might be filled? Also, he only gets one. He can't be a security officer and a teacher.

3000+ kills seems a little steep.

Why does he have a revolver?

 

[Necessity4Fun]

I think some of those roles you've filled for teaching might be filled? Also, he only gets one. He can't be a security officer and a teacher.

Security officer AND substitute teacher do seem a bit sketchy, however, I like the idea of having a substitute teacher character for the classes either without one or if they have to leave during an episode again...

It says Substitute, not Teacher Assistant, so that's what I'm assuming they're going for...
Unless both mean the very same thing, then correct me if I'm wrong >w<

 

[VirtualUnity]

The J

I understand, and as for the selfish and chaotic personality? That's just Umbra, majority of the time it'll be Elias in control.

History? Sure, I'll start editing it again.

For personalities? Alright.... I'll see what I can do.

I'm kinda still stuck whether or not he'll be a teacher or security officer.

As for his power? Sure, I'll start editing it again.

3000+ kills? Well... Elias doesn't really tolerate terrorists and tends to kill them on the spot. In reality, there has already been a soldier that had 2000-2500+ kills. Can't remember his name though.

The Revolver? Why not, unless it really is bothersome I'm keeping it. And for your question, the revolver belonged to his grandfather.

Thanks for telling me what I should edit, I appreciate it.

 

[VirtualUnity]

Security officer AND substitute teacher do seem a bit sketchy, however, I like the idea of having a substitute teacher character for the classes either without one or if they have to leave during an episode again...

It says Substitute, not Teacher Assistant, so that's what I'm assuming they're going for...
Unless both mean the very same thing, then correct me if I'm wrong >w<

I was meaning for Elias to be a sub when there aren't any teachers, or if they're absent. So majority of the time, Elias is a security officer.

 

[The J]

The J

I understand, and as for the selfish and chaotic personality? That's just Umbra, majority of the time it'll be Elias in control.

History? Sure, I'll start editing it again.

For personalities? Alright.... I'll see what I can do.

I'm kinda still stuck whether or not he'll be a teacher or security officer.

As for his power? Sure, I'll start editing it again.

3000+ kills? Well... Elias doesn't really tolerate terrorists and tends to kill them on the spot. In reality, there has already been a soldier that had 2000-2500+ kills. Can't remember his name though.

The Revolver? Why not, unless it really is bothersome I'm keeping it. And for your question, the revolver belonged to his grandfather.

Thanks for telling me what I should edit, I appreciate it.

No matter how little Umbra is in control, no school hires highly mentally unstable people with a chance to become straight up evil. Even 108 has standards.

If he really did get 3000+ kills then I'd expect him to be more affected. The man who got those kills you mentioned hates thinking of the stats like that because it reduces war to a sickening game.

The revolver is completely frivolous. At a guess, since it's hard to tell the limits of his powers, I'd imagine he has no need for it.

Upon further consideration, the DID thing is somewhat troubling. He does not have DID since that's a psychiatric disorder and this is purely brought on by his powers. I do worry that you might write this incorrectly if you keep calling it DID anyway - have you done much research into the disorder to avoid getting anything wrong? I can't help but worry you just have it to be a gimmick to make the character more interesting artificially rather than just making a good character.

Any time mate.