012 - Disilluions
wonderandawe
Most likeky not a Sidereal
You take the green form from your Aunt Anne and consider your options. Speaking in front of crowds terrifies you and you doubt singing or playing an instrument would be any better. You check off Journalism. Out of the second list, you choose Criminal Justice. After your recent brushes with the law, you want to know how to avoid the police. You survey your other options and smile when you see Driver’s Education listed. You check off the class and wonder if you can find a job to save up for a car.
You pass the form back to your Aunt. She nods in approval of your choices. “My oldest two kids are in high school, too. You’ve already met Alex, my stepson. He’s starting school this year.” An odd choice of words. “He will be a Junior just like you.”
You nod, not trusting your voice to betray your thoughts about Alex. Your Aunt frowns at your non-reaction to this news. “You remember Regine. She’s a year older than you.” You have a vague memory of a red headed, freckled skinned girl with braces. Aunt Anne’s voice warms with pride. “She’s going to Harvard next year.”
Glasses clink as your mother cleans the kitchen. She places the pint glasses in an ancient wood paneled dishwasher. The beer bottles get rinsed and set on the counter for recycling. Aunt Anne is not numb to your mother’s hint. “I should get going.” She folds your class form in half and tucks it in the front pocket of her brightly floraled hobo handbag. “I left Regine alone with the twins. Regine and Alex will be by tomorrow at seven to walk with you to school. Would that be alright?”
Your Aunt is asking for understanding rather than agreement. “Yeah. That’s fine.” Realizing you Aunt expects more of a comment, you add. “It will be good to have some friends at my new school.”
Aunt Anne smiles. “You get the idea.” She hugs you and your mother. “If you need anything, I’m only a couple of doors down. Look for the house with the solar panels on the roof.” Your mother gives some non-committal response and your aunt leaves.
You sit in awkward silence after your aunt’s leavetaking. You fidget with a peeling section of the autumn leaf countertop. Your mother curses as she fights to open one of the moving boxes. After she gets the box open, she rests her arms on the sides. “There is something you need to know about your step-cousin Alex before you see him tomorrow. He’s a metis.”
“What’s a metis?”
“Your father didn’t explain about Garou reproduction?”
“No.” Your father talked about war and the wyrm, but thankfully not about ‘Garou reproduction’.
“Of course he didn’t.” Your mother mutters under her breath. “There are three breeds of Garou. Homids are born human, like your father. Lupus are born as wolves. Democritus - he’s the wolf staying with us - is a Lupus. Metis… Metis are complicated.” Your mother sits down at the bar next to you. “Sigrid, it’s time we had a talk.”
You’re mother has only used that phrase once before. Shit, were you that obvious about your interest in Alex? “Not another sex talk.” You groan and rest your forehead against the counter top. You just met the guy today and now everyone is freaking out. “We already had that talk!” You did not want to discuss sex with your mother.
“And now we need to have the Garou version.” Your mother folds her hands on her lap. “Sigrid, you are becoming a woman and are dealing with unfamiliar urges and instincts. I know things didn’t go well with Scott Mullins…”
“I did not want to have sex with Scott Mullins!”
“You made that quite clear to everyone.” Your mother frowns. “Sigrid, you can’t have sex with any Garou or any kinfolk who still has a Kinfetch.”
Your father explained about Toddy, your kinfetch. A kinfetch is a spirit that will find your Garou relatives after you have your first change. The kinfetch will lead them to your location. When it is certain you will not go through your change, it will abandon you.
“What?” There was so many fucking rules about sex and now there was another one. No wonder you were still a virgin. “That’s a stupid rule. Who made that up? Dad?”
“No, it’s an old rule.”
“Oh! Like how you are suppose to wait until your married before having sex.” No one ever follows that rule.
“Sigrid, this is serious! We still don’t know if you are going to be Garou or not. You can not get pregnant by another Garou.”
“This conversation again?” Your mother, who got pregnant at eighteen, is paranoid about you making the same mistake. “Mom, I’m not going to get pregnant.”
“This is more than screwing up your life, Sigrid. You could die.” This catches your attention. You grow serious as your mother explains. “The Garou have sort of a ten commandments. They call it the Litany. The first Litany is ‘Garou shall not mate with Garou.’ If the Garou breeds amongst themselves- and not with a kinfolk- the result is a metis like Alex. He wasn’t born Human, like your father.”
“Wait, what?” Alex looked Human. A bit awkward, but most boys your age were awkward.
“A metis isn’t born wolf or human.” Your mother says. “They are born in Crinos, the wolf man form. Teeth, claws, and all. Alex’s mother died giving birth to him.”
“Oh.” Alex didn’t tell you that, though a mother’s death isn’t something you bring up in casual conversation.
“Metis stay in Crinos until they hit puberty and go through their first change.” Your mother shifts in her barstool. “Imagine a toddler having a temper tantrum. Now imagine one with Garou rage and long claws and sharp teeth. Until a metis grows up, they have to be locked away out of sight.” Your mother shakes her head. “It’s not a safe way to raise a child, especially a rage filled werewolf one. Most of them don’t turn out right. Remember your Aunt Anne’s students? They are all pre-change metis. One of them bit her fingers off.”
On one level you are horrified at what your mother is tell you. Werewolf children locked up until they grow up. Yet at the same time you are relieved. She didn’t know about your interest in Alex. Though, maybe it is a good thing you have given up boys. You want no part of killer werewolf babies. “Alex didn’t seem crazy. Maybe it’s because he’s deaf…”
“He’s deaf because he’s a metis. They all have some deformity. Deaf, blind, hairless, paralyzed. Metis have a one hundred percent chance at becoming Garou, so they have that advantage. But they are sterile, so they can’t pass on their Garou blood.” Your mother frowns. “That’s why Kinfolk are so important to the Garou. If we didn’t exist, the Garou would die out in a generation.” Your mother exhales a breath and comes back to her original topic. “Don’t break the first Litany, Sigrid. No birth control is full proof enough to risk your life.”
“Mom,” you roll your eyes. “I’m not going to get pregnant. Stop being so paranoid.”
Your mother ignores your retort. “I never wanted to have this conversation with you. I tried to keep you from this.” Your mother is no longer talking about Metis. She closes her eyes. “I prayed to Gaia every day for this ‘honor’ to pass you by.”
“Why? I can understand dad not telling me. He never calls. But after all the trouble I had in school, you knew the reason.” You feel your rage rise. “You could have told me! You could have told me I was turning into a fucking werewolf!”
“I wanted you to grow up normal, Sigrid.” Your mother’s voice is still calm.
“I was never normal! I never had any friends! Everyone was scared of me!” You yell.
“Living in Kirksville isn’t any better!” Your mother’s voice raises to match your own. “It’s not safe here! There is always violence in Kirksville. If not the Garou causing trouble, it’s the wyrm trying to invade Crying Rock. “
“But..”
“Shh…” Your mother takes your face in her hands. “It will be fine. Once you lose your Kinfetch, we will leave and go back to Austin.”
“No!” You tear yourself away from your mother. “How could I leave after what dad told me?”
“What did your father tell you?” Your mother demands. “That there’s a war going on? That the Garou are making the world a better place? Both our families have been fighting this war for generations.” Long held venomous words spews forth from your mother’s mouth. “Nothing get better. Nothing ever changes. All the Garou do is sit on that damn Rock and when they get bored of Rock sitting, they come into town to drink, fight, and fuck!”
“That’s not true! The people in town respect him.” You remember the men at the diner saluting your father.
“Don’t you dare defend him. You’ve only been with him an afternoon and now you are buddies?” Your mother barks a bitter laugh. “Sigrid, he’s never cared about us. The only reason why he takes an interest in you now is because you may become Garou. Ever since his first change, all he’s ever cared about is that damned Rock!”
Hearing your mother talk about your father like this…. You close your eyes to contain your rage. You knew they had problems but they always kept you out of it. Now… Claws click on the wood floors. You spin around and growl at the approaching wolf.
“Sigrid…” Calmed, your mother reaches out to you. “Look, I’m sorry…” She stops short when you spin around and snarl at her. Her eyes widen. Her skin pales. Fear. You can smell her fear. You take a step towards your mother. You hear her speeding heart in her chest. The blood pounding through her veins. You.... Your reaction to your mother’s fear shocks you out of your rage. You back away from your mother and retreat up the stairs. “Sigrid!” your mother calls out.
“Let her go,” Another voice orders, a male voice rough from disuse.
You pick a room at random and throw yourself on the bed. You curl around a pillow. Your mother’s fear scares you, but what scares you more is how much her fear excites you. What are you becoming?
You bit down on the pillow and scream.
End Chapter One.
You pass the form back to your Aunt. She nods in approval of your choices. “My oldest two kids are in high school, too. You’ve already met Alex, my stepson. He’s starting school this year.” An odd choice of words. “He will be a Junior just like you.”
You nod, not trusting your voice to betray your thoughts about Alex. Your Aunt frowns at your non-reaction to this news. “You remember Regine. She’s a year older than you.” You have a vague memory of a red headed, freckled skinned girl with braces. Aunt Anne’s voice warms with pride. “She’s going to Harvard next year.”
Glasses clink as your mother cleans the kitchen. She places the pint glasses in an ancient wood paneled dishwasher. The beer bottles get rinsed and set on the counter for recycling. Aunt Anne is not numb to your mother’s hint. “I should get going.” She folds your class form in half and tucks it in the front pocket of her brightly floraled hobo handbag. “I left Regine alone with the twins. Regine and Alex will be by tomorrow at seven to walk with you to school. Would that be alright?”
Your Aunt is asking for understanding rather than agreement. “Yeah. That’s fine.” Realizing you Aunt expects more of a comment, you add. “It will be good to have some friends at my new school.”
Aunt Anne smiles. “You get the idea.” She hugs you and your mother. “If you need anything, I’m only a couple of doors down. Look for the house with the solar panels on the roof.” Your mother gives some non-committal response and your aunt leaves.
You sit in awkward silence after your aunt’s leavetaking. You fidget with a peeling section of the autumn leaf countertop. Your mother curses as she fights to open one of the moving boxes. After she gets the box open, she rests her arms on the sides. “There is something you need to know about your step-cousin Alex before you see him tomorrow. He’s a metis.”
“What’s a metis?”
“Your father didn’t explain about Garou reproduction?”
“No.” Your father talked about war and the wyrm, but thankfully not about ‘Garou reproduction’.
“Of course he didn’t.” Your mother mutters under her breath. “There are three breeds of Garou. Homids are born human, like your father. Lupus are born as wolves. Democritus - he’s the wolf staying with us - is a Lupus. Metis… Metis are complicated.” Your mother sits down at the bar next to you. “Sigrid, it’s time we had a talk.”
You’re mother has only used that phrase once before. Shit, were you that obvious about your interest in Alex? “Not another sex talk.” You groan and rest your forehead against the counter top. You just met the guy today and now everyone is freaking out. “We already had that talk!” You did not want to discuss sex with your mother.
“And now we need to have the Garou version.” Your mother folds her hands on her lap. “Sigrid, you are becoming a woman and are dealing with unfamiliar urges and instincts. I know things didn’t go well with Scott Mullins…”
“I did not want to have sex with Scott Mullins!”
“You made that quite clear to everyone.” Your mother frowns. “Sigrid, you can’t have sex with any Garou or any kinfolk who still has a Kinfetch.”
Your father explained about Toddy, your kinfetch. A kinfetch is a spirit that will find your Garou relatives after you have your first change. The kinfetch will lead them to your location. When it is certain you will not go through your change, it will abandon you.
“What?” There was so many fucking rules about sex and now there was another one. No wonder you were still a virgin. “That’s a stupid rule. Who made that up? Dad?”
“No, it’s an old rule.”
“Oh! Like how you are suppose to wait until your married before having sex.” No one ever follows that rule.
“Sigrid, this is serious! We still don’t know if you are going to be Garou or not. You can not get pregnant by another Garou.”
“This conversation again?” Your mother, who got pregnant at eighteen, is paranoid about you making the same mistake. “Mom, I’m not going to get pregnant.”
“This is more than screwing up your life, Sigrid. You could die.” This catches your attention. You grow serious as your mother explains. “The Garou have sort of a ten commandments. They call it the Litany. The first Litany is ‘Garou shall not mate with Garou.’ If the Garou breeds amongst themselves- and not with a kinfolk- the result is a metis like Alex. He wasn’t born Human, like your father.”
“Wait, what?” Alex looked Human. A bit awkward, but most boys your age were awkward.
“A metis isn’t born wolf or human.” Your mother says. “They are born in Crinos, the wolf man form. Teeth, claws, and all. Alex’s mother died giving birth to him.”
“Oh.” Alex didn’t tell you that, though a mother’s death isn’t something you bring up in casual conversation.
“Metis stay in Crinos until they hit puberty and go through their first change.” Your mother shifts in her barstool. “Imagine a toddler having a temper tantrum. Now imagine one with Garou rage and long claws and sharp teeth. Until a metis grows up, they have to be locked away out of sight.” Your mother shakes her head. “It’s not a safe way to raise a child, especially a rage filled werewolf one. Most of them don’t turn out right. Remember your Aunt Anne’s students? They are all pre-change metis. One of them bit her fingers off.”
On one level you are horrified at what your mother is tell you. Werewolf children locked up until they grow up. Yet at the same time you are relieved. She didn’t know about your interest in Alex. Though, maybe it is a good thing you have given up boys. You want no part of killer werewolf babies. “Alex didn’t seem crazy. Maybe it’s because he’s deaf…”
“He’s deaf because he’s a metis. They all have some deformity. Deaf, blind, hairless, paralyzed. Metis have a one hundred percent chance at becoming Garou, so they have that advantage. But they are sterile, so they can’t pass on their Garou blood.” Your mother frowns. “That’s why Kinfolk are so important to the Garou. If we didn’t exist, the Garou would die out in a generation.” Your mother exhales a breath and comes back to her original topic. “Don’t break the first Litany, Sigrid. No birth control is full proof enough to risk your life.”
“Mom,” you roll your eyes. “I’m not going to get pregnant. Stop being so paranoid.”
Your mother ignores your retort. “I never wanted to have this conversation with you. I tried to keep you from this.” Your mother is no longer talking about Metis. She closes her eyes. “I prayed to Gaia every day for this ‘honor’ to pass you by.”
“Why? I can understand dad not telling me. He never calls. But after all the trouble I had in school, you knew the reason.” You feel your rage rise. “You could have told me! You could have told me I was turning into a fucking werewolf!”
“I wanted you to grow up normal, Sigrid.” Your mother’s voice is still calm.
“I was never normal! I never had any friends! Everyone was scared of me!” You yell.
“Living in Kirksville isn’t any better!” Your mother’s voice raises to match your own. “It’s not safe here! There is always violence in Kirksville. If not the Garou causing trouble, it’s the wyrm trying to invade Crying Rock. “
“But..”
“Shh…” Your mother takes your face in her hands. “It will be fine. Once you lose your Kinfetch, we will leave and go back to Austin.”
“No!” You tear yourself away from your mother. “How could I leave after what dad told me?”
“What did your father tell you?” Your mother demands. “That there’s a war going on? That the Garou are making the world a better place? Both our families have been fighting this war for generations.” Long held venomous words spews forth from your mother’s mouth. “Nothing get better. Nothing ever changes. All the Garou do is sit on that damn Rock and when they get bored of Rock sitting, they come into town to drink, fight, and fuck!”
“That’s not true! The people in town respect him.” You remember the men at the diner saluting your father.
“Don’t you dare defend him. You’ve only been with him an afternoon and now you are buddies?” Your mother barks a bitter laugh. “Sigrid, he’s never cared about us. The only reason why he takes an interest in you now is because you may become Garou. Ever since his first change, all he’s ever cared about is that damned Rock!”
Hearing your mother talk about your father like this…. You close your eyes to contain your rage. You knew they had problems but they always kept you out of it. Now… Claws click on the wood floors. You spin around and growl at the approaching wolf.
“Sigrid…” Calmed, your mother reaches out to you. “Look, I’m sorry…” She stops short when you spin around and snarl at her. Her eyes widen. Her skin pales. Fear. You can smell her fear. You take a step towards your mother. You hear her speeding heart in her chest. The blood pounding through her veins. You.... Your reaction to your mother’s fear shocks you out of your rage. You back away from your mother and retreat up the stairs. “Sigrid!” your mother calls out.
“Let her go,” Another voice orders, a male voice rough from disuse.
You pick a room at random and throw yourself on the bed. You curl around a pillow. Your mother’s fear scares you, but what scares you more is how much her fear excites you. What are you becoming?
You bit down on the pillow and scream.
End Chapter One.
