Lucem
Ten Thousand Club
I finished editing the CS. I added more focus on his antisocial tendencies and lack of emotional tact.Just needs a few more personality flaws
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I finished editing the CS. I added more focus on his antisocial tendencies and lack of emotional tact.Just needs a few more personality flaws
When I say "more flaws" I mean "more flaws" not "make the flaws you already have more relevant"I finished editing the CS. I added more focus on his antisocial tendencies and lack of emotional tact.
I made the mistake of merging the flaws, rather than making them distinct from one another. I fixed that, so there should be more. If you have trouble finding them, I can highlight the flaws if needed.When I say "more flaws" I mean "more flaws" not "make the flaws you already have more relevant"
This part of the personality throws me a bit off. Half your personality has to do with your character's patience and kindness and self-restraint and in three lines here that goes out the window at random. I have a very hard time seeing this make the least bit of sense, but giving you the benefict of the doubt here I at least need the boundary between when this will or not happen to be made concrete.Ishi may also come off as a little bit of a pushover initially, and usually lets things slide if they aren’t too much of a distraction. However, she is very capable of putting her foot down where needed. She may have all the patience that even saints envy, but pushing her too far may have rather bad results
You can´t apply for a position at the PSA. The PSA founders were all invited specifically by the principal.Ishi would later go on to contribute greatly to the construction of the PSA, both as a consultant lawyer, as well as having called a lot of favors from old clients and friends for volunteer work. None of the people she pulled up out of nowhere actually minded. What were a few hours of work as compared to a completely new lease in life that she had fought to give them? From there, she applied for a teaching position in PSA, and left her firm.
That's quite a lot for someone who is suppose to be the least among the PSA... In particular if you consider the actual supposed success rate of those villain reformations should be around zero(Possibly) captured and detained several villains over the course of five years without having her true identity being revealed.
Responsible for the reformation of twenty-five (recorded) villains
even if she doesn´t know their status, I still have to know or I can't approve it.Kanzaemon Tohru: Someone she liked. Status unknown.
Usui Kohaku: Someone she was friends with. Status unknown.
Their moms? As in more than one? Why is that not mentioned in the backstory?their moms
this needs expanding, both personalities are too one-dimensional.Henka is very much a kind soul who's energetic, friendly, and has a passion to be just like their moms. Hen-Hen is one who does usually act kind and friendly to most, to the point of seeming slightly obnoxious as they can barge into conversation at the worse of times. They're one to try to make friends as soon as possible and be more willing to give second chances, even to the meanest of spirits.
Another thing is their energy as they're hyper all the time though it comes off different depending on the gender. When male, a energetic personality means a mostly positive attitude and always wanting to jump or move or just do anything besides standing still. This also means being obnoxious and to get on peoples nerves if that allow it. The female takes the form of a bubbly girl who is curious and wants to be very active and fiddles a lot with things like paper or her own hair or else it feels like there is bunched up energy. Though this leads to her seeming like an airhead and her curious nature makes her gullible and easy to believe anything or side with mostly anyone
Now, the quirk is fun and I'm not sayig you can't have it, but exactly do you plan on passing a hero entrance exam with this quirk?Quirk: Rule 63 - The user is able to change their gender with body and all. This quirk is usually shown in a blue aura that engulfs the entire body in light, after that, the body will change into the opposite gender. However, it's not on command, or at least, not at such a young age. The quirk works like this; when the user is badly damaged, sick, drunk, or weak(physically and mentally) they will change into the other form until they sleep or the injuries are healed.
Another thing about the quirk is that, if the user holds the hand of another, they will actually change the gender of the person they're holding hand with. This basically causes confusion as the other person tries to regain control of their body. The effect only stays if the person is still in the hand hold, however, changing back will take 15 seconds if released from the hand hold.
Their moms? As in more than one? Why is that not mentioned in the backstory?
My fault on that, as instead of his or her, I was using their....Ya my mistake, it's still he and I should keep it that way.Their moms? As in more than one? Why is that not mentioned in the backstory?
this needs expanding, both personalities are too one-dimensional.
Now, the quirk is fun and I'm not saying you can't have it, but exactly do you plan on passing a hero entrance exam with this quirk?
"their" is perfectly ok, it's just a gender neutral the problem is the "s" at the end of the word "moms"I was using their
yes, but that means you only have the advantage that everyone has. I won't deny you the quirk, but you're gonna have to come up with something better than thatWell it is a rescue mission, so the plan would be to run and hide and attempt to get as many victims as possible before they get caught. Probably not a smart strategy nor a good one because the quirk effects gender and that would mean he'd have to touch villains and even then it probably wouldn't do much :/
remove this , it's at odds with the entire rest of your personalityowever Yuki has a refreshing impulsiveness about herself, she tends to dislike too many rules and regulations and can be casual and whimsical.
This whole paragraph is a big mess, if I may be honest. It's jammed with contraditctions and you don't specify the concrete circumstances with any of them.Yuki naturally assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. There are times when she believes that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary, however she is mostly candid, frank and sincere. People find it moderately easy to relate to her. Yuki doesn't like to claim that she's better than other people, and generally shies from talking herself up. Yuki is mostly a compassionate person, however she likes to make objective judgements when possible.
Yuki is moderately confident that she can achieve the goals you sets herself. In general she's never disorganized or scattered and likes to be tidy. Yuki finds contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining,but is seen as reliable and responsible by others. Mostly Yuki works towards achieving her best, although in some areas she's content just to get the job done. She has a reasonable amount of will-power and is able to follow through on tasks that Yuki feels she needs to complete. She can be distracted however and has been known to procrastinate. Yuki takes her time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.
Your quirk is an emission type quirk, not a mutation type quirk...Yuki was born into a family of quiet people with a twin brother. Her brother was born quirkless while the sibling inherited a quirk spotted from birth. During her first bath Yuki froze the water and the rest of the room with it. The nurses were prepared from the start as they noted the naturally colorful hair meaning she had a mutation quirk.
This doesn't make any semblance of senseFor the user to survive the quirk quickens the users blood stream to keep the user from freezing which makes them 3.3 times faster than the average human which is translated to 1.5 times stronger than the average human
gonna need specifics on that ice pillar. Size, how quickly it can be formed...Special Moves: Ice pillar: this ability explains itself but the user creates a pillar of ice.
Your character is overskilled. Picked two of these three super generic skills and take them outHand to hand/Melee combat- Yuki's quirk is meant for close combat so Yuki's father hired a tutor to teach her combat
Cooking-Yuki is a great cook and baker taught by her paternal grandparents
Guitar- Yuki is a great guitar player is loves to play as a hobby
Sometimes non-mutation type quirks alter the body as well. That is not the quirk, however, it's the quirk factor. As I explain in the lore, the quirk factor is the biological mechanisms that make the quirk work. Or maybe it's just a random change.Idea not to argue or anything it's a mutation quirk. While she can manipulate it and such the quirk gives her a different body composition from regular humans especially to secrete such substances and to live with those substances in her body
Oh I get it now thanks. Was just thinking a bit too hard I guess lol sorrySometimes non-mutation type quirks alter the body as well. That is not the quirk, however, it's the quirk factor. As I explain in the lore, the quirk factor is the biological mechanisms that make the quirk work. Or maybe it's just a random change.
In either case, the focus of the quirk is the secretion of this susbtance, and that makes it's classification an emission quirk, not mutation.
Yeah I doYou mean the paragraph and that one line I told you to remove?
Yeah, you canYeah I do
Okay then thanks. I'm almost done. Sorry if I seem like an annoyanceYeah, you can
Contradiction here makes it so none of this can become a flawHe prefers to keep his interference limited to gentle reminders and simple advice, but he's not above using force if someone's actions would bring a great deal of trouble.
This is too uncertain to be a real flawHe is often unsure about how to cheer someone up, preferring to pass along his mental notes and leave the emotional support to a person that is more proficient. Still, he will try his best, attempting to think of an appropriate response that would hopefully get the job done. This doesn't always lead to an ideal result, often guilty of saying the wrong thing due to his lack of experience.
The "when he feels he is no longer necessary" here makes it not a flaw, but a reasonable thing to do. You can make it a flaw either by removing that part of by making it so it's easy for him to think he is not necessary, even if thta's often wrong.Gen has a tendency to separate himself from a situation when he feels that he is no longer necessary.
The fact this is a mask but does not have actual consequences for it described regaridng his psyche makes it so this is meaningless as a flaw.While he is normally a calm individual, Gen has a tendency to play up the more aloof and apathetic aspects of his personality. He tries to bury negative emotions, not allowing them to show on his face in order to prevent others from worrying about him, or something else that might trouble them. He does this to an unhealthy degree, bottling up stress and anxiety.
When in the classroom, Gen comes off as a bit intimidating, speaking with a flat tone in his voice that is accompanied by a blank expression. However, in reality, this is only a result of the man trying to conceal his emotions. Hiding his worries about being an educator behind a mask, he acts as he believes an ideal teacher would, displaying a calm attitude at all times.
Not being concrete enough makes it not a flawThere are few things that can break his composure, being an amicable individual that tries to be understanding of others. However, when the things he cares about are threatened, cracks begin to form. While he does still try to maintain a level head, Gen is noticeably more ruthless in these moments.
I just noticed this: You don't apply for a position as a teacher in the PSA, you are invited by the principal to the founding group.Those close to him took notice of how he cared for children, recommending that he try applying for a position as a teacher. While he was hesitant, unsure if he was capable of such a thing, there was a desire within him to do what his father had done. If there was the slightest chance that he could have a positive impact on someone, then he would take it.
The force is only meant to be for situations that could cause life or death. Things such as a student trying to rush off against an overpowered villain, which leads to him holding them back. Aside from that, his interference is pretty limited.Contradiction here makes it so none of this can become a flaw
To be clear when fixing this, which part is specifically uncertain? He does a good job at noticing if someone is generally angry or upset, but he's not great at helping people deal with those emotions. His attempts at helping are pretty generic, limited to things such as "don't worry". He still tries, but most of those attempts are extremely lackluster.This is too uncertain to be a real flaw
The mask itself isn't really meant to be the flaw, but rather the consequences that result from it. He places too much focus on a facade, which leads to him ignoring his own thoughts in favor of pursuing an ideal. The effects of that cause a strain on his relationships with others, as well as his own body. He believes that doing this will be beneficial, but it's actually harmful, since he comes off as an indifferent person that's difficult to approach.The fact this is a mask but does not have actual consequences for it described regaridng his psyche makes it so this is meaningless as a flaw
He didn't apply for a position, but this is when the idea of being a teacher started being appealing to him. I should've made that more clear, since it can be taken as him actively searching for a job at PSA.I just noticed this: You don't apply for a position as a teacher in the PSA, you are invited by the principal to the founding group.