Bitter Disguises (Closed)

[May as Well be Auri]

(Title is a placeholder)


The world shifted into place with an air of aggression, driving Kylo Ren from a rare moment of peace and into something harsh, stark, and painful. He hardly had a moment to register where he was before the weight of his situation crashed down over his mind, tightening his chest, closing his throat, and forcing his body to tense like he was trying to support a mountain.


He had failed; let the girl go, let the map go, and allowed everything Snoke had worked for to crumble to pieces around him.


The guilt was crushing, suffocating, and highly dangerous. It only took an instant for his mind to flip it into anger; to turn the weapon against himself into one against the world.


Without a spared moment, he was off the bench he'd been lying on and reaching for his Saber. His fingers grasped at only air, and Kylo's rage grew, fed by the weight of his loss and helplessness. Searching for a target, Kylo focused his gaze on one of the ship's seats and tore it from beneath a First Order officer he didn't care to recognize. It rocketed through the cramped space, and smashed to pieces against the opposite wall. Another followed, and a third was well on it's way before Kylo hit the ground, and the sudden lack of air in his lungs forced him to refocus.


A man was on top of him, terrified but dutiful; he intended to stop Kylo, save his ship and his men, and prevent the knight from causing himself any more harm. Kylo's fingers formed the shape of his throat and constricted. He heard the sound of his own rage-filled screams blend into the officer's desperate choking, then narrowed his eyes, and focused the brunt of his fury on the task he'd set for himself. When the officer's body went limp atop his own, Kylo rolled him off and stood.


His world swayed, flickered, and grew fuzzy around the edges. Suddenly feeling miles from his senses, Kylo sat hard on the bench he'd risen from just moments ago. His fingers went to his side, and when he pressed, his body was flooded with the reminder of what he'd gone through; the defector had shot him. His father was gone. The girl had defeated him, marred his features with a weapon she knew nothing about. He drew in an unsteady breath, and swept a dangerous gaze around the ship's cabin, stilling anyone who thought they might dare touch him.


"Where is my mask?" He growled, eyes settling on a familiar face. "Hux, I expected you would have thought to save something so monetarily significant. Though, I suppose there's far more you'll have to replace, now." He grinned, realized his mistake, then stifled the expression and peered through one of the ship's windows. Ideally, the display of humanity would be forgotten.


"Deep space." He observed, "What is our destination?"

 

[Sassafras]

Ash and metal mingled on his lips as Hux freed himself from a fallen panel, ignoring the sharp pain that tore through his ankle as something jagged bit into it and sank deep. No, it wasn't until he discovered Ren that he swore openly.


Kylo Ren had always been an anathema to him, arrogant and willful – an annoyance come to hound him at every turn, but this pale, broken thing staining the snow with his life's blood hardly looked the part of his masked nemesis, and Hux swore inwardly as he came to a decision. In truth, he was of two minds about his discovery. He had half a mind to leave Ren to the fates. He'd made his bed, and it was high time for him to lie in it. Had it not been for his father's voce in the back of his mind, urging him to do just that, he might have even caved to the desire to see the knight behind him.


Instead, the snow crunched beneath his weight as Hux dropped to his knees, reaching out a black gloved hand that pressed harder than was strictly necessary to halt its trembling as he sought a pulse - faint but lingering. Not dead then. Hux breathed out a heavy sigh that sounded nothing like relief as it crystallized in front of him, his ire carried away on the wind as he wrestled his arms under Ren and pulled.


Moons but the man was heavy, all that height transferred into dead weight had the general sweating and red faced, his already singed uniform limned with dark stains by the time he reached the shuttle. Nevermind the fact that the thing was cramped beyond reason and gave him little choice but to study the unconscious knight, the dark lashes, and angry leaking gash and, damn it all, what had he been thinking? He should have left Ren for dead.


Ren's awakening, as it were, did little to change that opinion. Though his own eyes were shut in supplication to sleep that never came, Hux could tell by the feel of the room that something was amiss - there was a tension that refused to dissipate as he sifted – and then came the first telltale crash followed by an angry bellow that set him on edge as his eyes snapped open, narrowing in distaste when they took in the scene before him – Ren lashing out like a wounded beast – angry and unstoppable until, at last, weariness overtook him and forced him to one of the benches. A pity that one of Hux's trooper had gotten in his way beforehand.


Hux took the moment to straighten his uniform, waiting for the last of the fire in the knight's eyes to burn itself out before striding toward the fallen trooper, making a point of barely sparing Ren a glance as he passed him by, just enough time to see an insufferable grin plastered upon the young man's face. 'This' he thought to himself in a voice that sounded suspiciously like the elder Hux: 'This is what mercy gets you. You should have left Ren to his fate.' Hux's jaw clenched as he crouched by the fallen trooper and sought absent signs of life.


“Given the current state of our consoles, I imagine we'll be lucky if we end up somewhere habitable,” came the general's terse reply as he stood. It hardly needed saying that the knight's outburst had been the cause of their current directionlessness. Hux decided to allow the smoking console to speak for itself, where it lay pinioned beneath one of the benches that had had the misfortune of crossing Kylo in his anger.


He turned to the nearest trooper and gestured to the body, locking the pang of regret he felt behind a steely eyed reserve. “Space him before he starts to smell.”

 

[May as Well be Auri]

Kylo watched Hux crouch over the man that had thought he might subdue Kylo, searching for flickers of life they both knew weren't there. He could have told Hux that; he felt it, when someone died. Felt the life drain from them and disappear, dissolved into the Force. It was cathartic, in a way.


When Hux spoke, it took a moment to process what the man was saying. His eyes rested on the twisted and broken metal that had been the ship's console, and he distantly felt the idea worm it's way through the fog of him mind. He was responsible? Well, maybe if they had a better ship...


"That hardly answers my question." He noted, his eyes tracking the trooper that Hux had tasked with setting his friend's body into open space. "Any of them, actually. Why did you fail to retrieve my helmet? And, more importantly, my saber. I can't expect you to understand the significance, but we are no longer in a time where such weapons are readily accessible. It will take weeks to rebuild it, and in the meantime I am left to defend myself only with this." On that word, Kylo yanked a piece of the console from itself, and sent it rocketing through the cabin.


He was seething again, and for what was most likely the first time for everyone on the ship except Hux (for whom it was the second), his emotions were displayed openly on his features. Using the Force to express his rage had sent pain flaring from his various wounds, every change in expression exacerbated the lesion across his face, and it was driving him further and further into another senseless fury. He pressed his fingers into the wound at his side, and felt the power that came with his anger wash over him. Despite the fact that he lacked a saber and a strong body with which to wield it, he felt he could tear this stinking ship to pieces if he wanted, send them all out into the unforgiving void of space.


Just as metal began to creak around him, Kylo felt the darkness close in round the edges of his vision again, and his consciousness wander from his senses so he felt distant, almost underwater. He stopped, and let his fingers fall away from his wound. Damnit if he didn't loathe his current state; he was weak and useless as much as he was strong with unbridled fury. And why hadn't anyone thought to stitch him up? Was he going to have to do it all himself?

 

[Sassafras]

"So we're to speak of failures now, are we, Ren? And what of your own?" Hux chided, fully aware of the implications of his words, and the wealth of fury brewing in the dark clad man behind him. Honestly, he was too bloody furious to care if Ren turned on him.


If Kylo Ren was a storm cloud thundering his presence for all the world to see, Hux was an impending blizzard, sharp and cold, his expression one of abject disdain as he turned to watch Ren fall prey to the grips of his anger. How many times had Hux dealt with the man thus, or stepped into a room to find the aftermath of Ren's rage? At the moment, the lack of helmet and saber felt like a blessing, not to mention a suitable bit of payback for countless broken consoles, dead troopers, and systems knew what else. Even so, it had been a bit of an oversight on his part, and that bothered him. He was not in the habit of oversight.


Hux's mouth thinned into a hard line as the metal around him began to scream and twist at the knight's behest. With his features screwed up in impressive fury and blood dripping down the bridge of his nose, he was a sight to behold, one that had a number of the remaining troopers edging away, lest they find themselves among the recently fallen. To Hux, however, the infamous master of the Knights of Ren looked like little more than a child in the midst of a tantrum, set to rip the wings off of butterflies in a cruel fury or, in this particular case, to twist the lot of them into a metal tomb and leave them hurtling through space - a threat that seemed barely that in his current state


Surely Ren could feel the extent of his own injuries...or had his fury blinded him to that as well?


"Enough," Hux snapped, clearly finished, even if Ren was not.


Hux glanced briefly from the bulk of the ruined console to the small, jagged piece currently being brandished by a wavering arm, catching that telling moment when Ren stumbled under his own weight, though he refrained from remarking upon it for the time being. Clearly, this was going to be a long journey, whatever the actual length of time involved. Needling Ren, while enjoyable, was not currently the wisest course of action if they were all to survive this trip intact.


And speaking of returning intact, the general's gaze strayed to the gash across Ren's face, still angry and weeping. It would have to be thoroughly cleansed and stitched. With no trained medical personnel to speak of, and the vast majority of the troopers taking up posts designed to make them look far busier than they actually were (not that he blamed them, recent displays being what they were), that left...


Hux frowned.


"If you're quite finished, I'll tend to your wounds, provided you can stop acting like an enraged draagax for more than handful of seconds. " His words were clipped, jaw tight as he waited for Ren to explode.

 

[May as Well be Auri]

Hux's jab at Kylo's recent shortcomings didn't go unnoticed; he was well aware of what he'd done, (or rather, failed to do) and the reminder from someone he so disliked only added to the flames of his fury. Guilt would crush him, should he allow it; and he would have to face enough of that from Snoke, whenever they managed to open a line of communication with him again. Anger, though, he could channel into strength.


Or, he wondered, perhaps Snoke knew what had happened already, and would find Kylo the next time he dared close his eyes... or before. The Sith Lord hadn't shown any hesitation to rip Kylo from full consciousness before, even from across the galaxy, and for words far less important than he knew these would be.


Still, he needed to hold onto this anger. He could feel his strength fading, his grip on consciousness slipping, and with the awareness came a sharp pang of fear. He was relatively safe on this ship, but if Hux or his troopers were to see him fall, even momentarily, there would likely be rumors. And Hux especially... he didn't need to give the General another reason for disdain, another reason to see Kylo as a child throwing tantrums, rather than formidable, strong, and capable.


When Hux snapped at him to stop, Kylo's rage flared, and he was a breath away from taking his anger out on the other man when the state of his body reminded him exactly how bad an idea that was. Sure, Kylo was more than capable of overpowering Hux, on his own plane of combat; Hux wasn't even force-sensitive, had no idea the things Kylo was capable of, let alone any defense against them. But now, he was weak. The pain could drive him on, sure, but the exhaustion and blood loss couldn't be turned into such a weapon. And if he started a fight with Hux, he would have to finish it.


Still, he couldn't help the anger in his eyes, or the way his lips pulled back over his teeth in an animistic snarl. "I'm far from finished." He all but growled, but lowered himself onto the bench anyway. It was difficult to hide exactly how much of a relief it was not to be standing. "But if you'll fetch me some supplies and hold a mirror, I'll tend to the wounds myself." He didn't know if he had enough strength to poke a needle through his skin that many times, or deal with the deep puncture in his side, but he would rather deal with his fading grasp on the waking world than let Hux know there was even a scrap of weakness in him.

 

[Sassafras]

The growl, like so many other things, went unremarked upon, if only because Hux told himself that rolling his eyes would have been undignified, not to mention counterproductive. Even so, a single eyebrow rose as if to question the veracity of Ren's statement. Patch himself up, would he? Having taken note of the way Ren seemed to lose focus with each new shift, Hux was fairly certain that the knight would be met with some difficulty should he be left to his own devices. The prospect was tempting, to say the least, but Hux waved it aside and beckoned to the nearest trooper who had, up until this point, been doing his best to remain a part of the shuttle's scenery.


"Fetch me a needle and thread," Hux ordered, "and bacta, if we have any," he added, as an afterthought. It would be a pity to let that scar become a permanent fixture. The men did not need yet another reason to fear the unstable knight and, no doubt a mark like that would inspire tales of every sort.


"The rest of you would do well to make yourselves scarce."


Unsurprisingly, the troopers didn't need to be told twice and, after the asked after supplies had been delivered, the two men were left well enough alone.


Hux wondered if it would be too much to hope that Ren would accept his aid without further complaint or unnecessary posturing, but one look at the still seething knight informed him that such a miracle was highly unlikely.


"I'm going to stitch you up. There will be no negotiating this matter," he informed the knight, calling upon his best 'I'm in command here, and you will respect that or else' voice which, all things considered, was unlikely to be well received, but so be it.


"Now, let's get this over with, shall we?"

 

[May as Well be Auri]

Kylo watched the troopers leave, his expression still one of fury. He was growing tired, though, and his ability to keep up even anger was quickly fading; so when Hux approached him with supplies in hand, it was all Kylo could do to keep himself tense and upright, still fuming, and to reach for the supplies with his own bloodied gloves.


He didn't have much fight left in him, but he fulling intended to burn what fuel he had left to the point of passing out before he let anyone know he had a limit, let alone what it was.


"I'll need bandages and disinfectant, too." He snapped, "The flaw of individuality in your trooper training methods managed, somehow, to land a blow. I have a puncture in my left side, and it'll... need packing." He closed his eyes briefly, trying to focus through a wave of lightheadedness and now, nausea. Wonderful.


Managing to pull through the growing effects of exhaustion and blood loss, Kylo turned his attention from Hux and began to pull off his cowl and robes. It was intended to be a dismissal, but he knew full well that the thought that Hux would obey it was a hopeful one. Oh, well. He'd rather posture until he was dead in the blood of his untreated wounds than give Hux any knowledge of his current state.

 

[Sassafras]

Though his face remained impassive, the verbal blow struck home. FN-2187 - Hux and Phasma had had such high hopes for the young trooper. A rare specimen of surprising readiness and skill, if somewhat prone to unnecessary sentiment (nothing that a bit retraining shouldn't have been able to cure), and apparently inclined toward active rebellion. The thought that such an anomoly could have escape his notice still rankled the young general, and Ren damn well knew it.


Even so, Hux refused to grant Ren the pleasure of seeing him affected. Displays of wanton anger were Ren's domain, after all, and Hux had neither the intention nor the inclination to join him there. As far as Hux was concerned, such displays were, at best, a waste of energy and, at worst, showcased an unforgivable lack of control.


"And here I thought that the great Kylo Ren was untouchable," Hux countered after a moment's hesitation, inwardly pleased with the note of casual disinterest in his own tone, even as the words themselves were clearly meant to bait the other man. A calculated distraction as Hux knelt before the bench to remove the aforementioned disinfectant and bandages from a small kit that had been brought along with the other items.

 

[May as Well be Auri]

Kylo knew the comment would unbalance Hux; the argument of whether Hux's training regimens were actually superior to a clone army's uniformity and control was ongoing, and it was one of the few topics where Kylo could ever get much of an emotional response from Hux. Or... something close to it. Kylo was in no way an emotional fortress, but he prided himself in his ability to hide his weaknesses, or else to turn them into strengths. Passion was power, as the Code of the Sith went; and Hux's ability to control his was impressive, but wholly misguided. He knew there was something fiery buried deep within those walls, knew there must be a passion to match even Kylo Ren's somewhere in him; and he admired that, to some extent. But Hux was careful and cold, and so Kylo was left to strike nerves and take jabs with the small hope of evoking a glimmer of that heat.


Perhaps it was a weakness, though; Hux's comment struck a cord in Kylo, and the Knight tore off his cowl in renewed anger, turning his attention back to the General. "Untouchable except by traitors in the shadows, shooting in moments of justified distraction." He unbuckled and tossed aside his belt, and pulled his robes over his head. "I wonder where you where, exactly? Allowing your highly expensive superweapon to fall to pieces at the hands of a few resistance pilots and an overlooked weak spot?" Then came the shirt; carefully peeled away from the wound in his side and the other cut on his shoulder. It was difficult to see exactly what the wounds looked like, but it appeared the cut, at least, had stopped bleeding. To get better access to the cut on his leg, he tore a hole over it in his pants. That, too, seemed to have stopped bleeding; but the puncture would need more immediate attention.


"The bandages." He demanded curtly, extending an ungloved hand toward Hux. Part of him felt exposed and weak, now; showing human skin rather than dark, intimidating robes. Another part, though, felt... attractive. Like his unmasking before the girl was intended to make him feel, before she showed herself capable only of disdain.

 

[Sassafras]

This time, when the accusations came, Hux was prepared for them. A single brow rose in deliberate challenge as if to say 'is that all?' as though he couldn't be bothered to rise in the face of Ren's baiting. But then Ren continued.


Hux knew that he should have expected nothing more than a reckless, headlong charge, yet still he found himself woefully unprepared for the moment when Ren barbs not only continued to fall, but found their way beneath his steely exterior, one by one, until his own frame was taut with barely constrained rage. "Need I remind you who provoked the resistance in the first place? Tell me Ren, was the girl worth the trouble? I do hope you had time enough to find out before she was retaken." Hux's words were clipped as he passed the bandages to Ren, his own gloved hands blessedly still. Thank the systems for small mercies.


"Though, judging by your current appearance," he continued, "I'm guessing she put up a bit more of a fight than anticipated." There was a stark maliciousness to the words, as Hux changed tactics, his own anger coming to the fore as he conceded that it was far easier to blame Ren for all that had befallen his beloved base. This time, he aimed not to bait or belittle, but to destroy.

 

[May as Well be Auri]

Kylo took the bandages from Hux and pressed a wad of them into the puncture at his side. The pain was immediate, and almost overpowering; he struggled not to let it show in his expression, but couldn't help the way his body grew tense with the effort. He was without the strength he had before, without the power of anger, and with the energy he'd recovered from his brief rest depleted. He wasn't going to be able to keep this up for much longer, and he knew it.


As Hux spoke, Ren was only vaguely aware of what he was saying, but he got the gist; Hux was taking the bait, and seeking to affect Ren in the way he'd been affected. When he looked back up at him from his wounds, Kylo could see the way he'd tensed, too. He wondered if he could send Hux over the edge, break his stony shell... perhaps catch a glimpse of what he was hiding so carefully.


"Yes, and so did your defector." He answered, his tone a bit more even, but still forceful and heated. "Though I would have been able to finish them off, had you been capable of holding your planet together for another thirty seconds."


Ren replaced the now-bloodied hand holding his bandages over his wound with the other, and extended it again toward Hux. "I'll need the disinfectant, too."