Realistic or Modern Anchored by Love (Draft Four... lol)

[isax]

Jayden​

When I made it back to Amelia's apartment, I was ecstatic, quick to walk over to her and kiss the top of her head, shortly after telling her how excited I was about our child that she was now carrying and asking her when she found out. When she didn't say a word in response, but rather nodded, I knew something was wrong, and when I went to sit in front of her on the coffee table, I knew something happened while she was out with Isabel. Sighing softly, I took her hands in my own, listening to her when she asked me to make sure Isabel made it home alright. Knowing Isabel was back at the bar reaffirmed something happened while the two were out and about today, and it wasn't pretty.

Holding back my sigh, I nodded at Amelia's request, standing up quickly. "Of course, Love. I'll go check up on her right now. I'll be back." Leaning in, I kissed her softly before I left and headed straight for Isabel's usual bar.

I swear to God Isabel, this shit isn't what Amelia needs right now.

Going into the bar, I went straight to Bob, asking if Isabel was here. When he said she left after one drink, I knew that meant she was at home. That didn't mean she wasn't in a bottle of whiskey that she had. Thanking the owner before leaving, I released a deep sigh, wishing for the same thing Amelia has been wanting this entire time. For Isabel to be back to her true self. Going back to the apartment, I focused on Amelia more than anything, hoping Isabel didn't get too deep into her own stash.

One Week Later
Isabel​

After what I said to Amelia when she was only trying to help me, I threw myself into my work in an attempt to forget what I was feeling in regards to it. It was working for the most part, but my thoughts were heavily present and I found myself drifting off in them too frequently. I knew what I said to Amelia was shitty, and I wish I could take it all back but it was too late for that. I had truly fucked up yet again.

When I was finished with work, I found myself at the bar yet again, needing to just wallow in my thoughts alone after keeping myself sober from the alcohol for an entire week. Ordering the usual while I sat at the bar, I thanked Bob when he slid the glass of straight Gentleman Jack my way, taking a big sip from it before setting it down and hyper fixating on one of the football games that was on. Hearing my phone ding, I pulled it out of my purse, sighing when I saw Nick's name on the screen. I hadn't talked to anyone this entire week and he was a bit peeved.

"So you're just not going to talk to me for an entire week? That's cool. What's wrong, Isabel? Let's talk about it. Where are you?"

There was no way in hell I was telling him where I was. I never planned on him knowing I was a straight whiskey shooter or that I was a regular at a bar. I really liked Nick and what we had but I just wasn't ready to fully open up to him.

"Sorry, things have been rough. I'm fine, swear. Let's grab dinner this weekend?"

After hitting send, I downed the rest of my glass like a shot, setting it down and asking Bob for another round, rolling my eyes when a man next to me whistled because he was impressed.

 

[Lexus]

Dawson​

"So some things never change, huh Whiskey?" I asked sheepishly, approaching the bar with a smile, waiting for Isabel to recognize me and laughing when she had. "You should probably slow down, you're impressing the wrong crowd, darlin'" I teased with a wink, hoping she didn't take it the wrong way as I slipped Bob a crisp bill for her tab.

"I'll take what she's having," I told him gently before I eyed the seat next to her.

"Mind if I sit, or are we still not talking to each other because I can go sit at a table over there if you'd rather."

I didn't expect Isabel to be here, I came on my own accord, after visiting Jayden and Amelia, and after hearing the news Jayden eagerly dropped, I needed a drink. I came here because this was the bar Jayden and I frequented before Isabel and Amelia were a part of our lives and given that Jayden was going to be a father soon I assumed, he wouldn't be tagging along as much as he used to. I could only wonder what that was like, considering I had a daughter of my own but never got the chance to be her father. When Jayden asked me to be the baby's God Father, I knew he didn't intend for it to hit as hard as it did, after all, it had been two years since we lost Livvie as I called her, but the sorrow of losing a child with someone you love deeper than your own soul can understand, there's no recovering from that no matter how hard you try. So when I saw the woman that took my breath away, I knew this was no coincidence, so I took my shot and prayed to God she wouldn't run away from me at the first chance she got. It had been a year, I hoped that was enough time for her to let go of whatever resentment she held toward me and give me this chance to prove to her I wasn't the same man who left her behind the year before.

 

[isax]

*Cue Break up in the End by Cole Swindell*

Isabel​

Whiskey. No one called me Whiskey except for Dawson, it was one of his pet names for me, just like Six was mine for him. Hearing it for the first time in an entire year made my heart stop, my entire body tingling in anticipation because I knew damn well who said it. I didn't need to turn around, but when I did and watched the Naval Pilot make his way over to the bar, I couldn't help myself but feel a whirlwind of emotions while the happy memories we shared together ran through my head like a movie scene.

Dawson.

For the first time in awhile, I smiled a genuine smile, giggling when he teased me about attracting the wrong crowd. His voice was an octave deeper, his face shaven clean, and his hair shorter than I liked, military cut. He was built even more than before, and those hazel eyes still took my breath away. Being so close to him clouded my mind, making me lose all sense of thinking but I knew one thing for sure. I still loved this man.

"Sure you can handle a glass of straight whiskey?" I teased, laughing softly to myself before taking another sip of my own drink, clearing my throat when he asked if he could take the empty seat next to me. "I'd rather the seat be taken by you and not the wrong crowd."

Running into Dawson here wasn't something I expected to happen. Considering the amount of times I came here over the year, I never thought this was where I would find Dawson. How fitting considering the first time we kissed was in a bar like this, dancing to Neon Moon while sharing joyous laughs in our buzzed state. That night was magical, one I would go through over and over again, even if it meant we still would have ended up where we are now. All thoughts of Nick vanished instantly, and with Dawson sitting beside me, the presence of his dog tags hanging around my neck, tucked under my blouse was even more evident. It was like they were burning into my skin, just like my cheeks were flushed and it wasn't because of the whiskey.

Looking away from Dawson without drawing attention to it, I cupped my glass in both my hands, letting the silence fill the air while I thought of something to say. I was stuck. Despite being charmed by his presence, I still very much remembered how things ended, and I needed proof from the cowboy shit like that wasn't going to happen ever again.

Not like you've been treating Amelia any better.

Sighing deeply, I chugged down the remaining amber liquid with that thought, setting the empty glass back down before looking over at Dawson again.

"What brings you here tonight?"

 

[Lexus]

Dawson​

Taking the seat when she offered it, I grinned when Bob slid the glass in front of me. "If I can handle you I don't think the whiskey will hurt, Whiskey." Picking up the glass, I downed the smooth liquid in one solid chug, mainly to prove a point, but when I set the glass back on the bar top I shrugged casually.

"Plus, all bored Navy men do is drink, you'd be surprised what I can handle, but you should be careful. I heard about a few of your long nights here, they sounded similar to how we met but sounds like I was the only one who got lucky. You should keep it that way," I warned, bringing my hand to my lips, the taste of the whiskey lingering.

Chuckling sarcastically at Isabel's question, I looked over my shoulder towards her.

"Well, call me immature, but I didn't exactly take Jayden and Amelia's news well, I assume you didn't either, and I assume they told us separately because they didn't want to cause any trouble, but that went to shit. But we can't say anything can we? We should just be happy for them," I said in a deep sigh, relieved when Bob brought me a fresh glass I could take a swig of. This was an uncomfortable conversation no matter where it took place, the fact that I chose to grieve my daughter in a bar made me cringe. It seemed unjust and contradictory, to come to a dirty sinful place to numb the pain of someone so beautiful and innocent. A lot had changed over the year, but the hole in my heart left by my daughter remained. Tapping my fingers on the glass I found the courage to look at Isabel again.

"It's not their fault, I'm sure they're going to be great parents, and I'm touched they trust me with their kid, I just, I don't know, I couldn't help but take it like a slap in the face."

 

[isax]

Isabel​

Parents. Amelia and Jayden are going to be parents.

Staring into the empty glass once filled with amber colored liquid, I lost myself in my thoughts, not saying a single word to the cowboy sitting next to me. Dawson probably didn't know it, but he just dropped a major bomb that had my life burning down. The happy emotion I felt at the sight of him was fleeting, leaving just as quick as it came when it hit me that my best friend and her boyfriend were going to be parents. I loved them both, and knew despite the fact Amelia never wanted kids, they were going to love their child unconditionally and be wonderful parents. I couldn't help but feel exactly what Dawson felt. Despite how happy I was for the couple, the news hit me so hard, maybe even more so because Dawson told me and not Jayden or Amelia.

Why would Amelia tell you with how shitty you've been treating her? I sighed. Now chill. You know damn well why she didn't tell you, because she didn't want you to feel exactly how you're feeling right now, because she feels guilty. She shouldn't though. What happened with Olivia happened for a reason, right?

It was then when I broke down, tears instantly streaming down my cheeks, my hair blocking sight of them from Dawson. Quickly reaching up to wipe them away, because being this vulnerable in a public place was not an option, I asked Bob for another round, sipping half of it instantly before I built the courage to look at Dawson. One shared look with him was all it took for him to know the news he just said was the first time I ever heard of it. Smiling weakly, I looked away from him before I started crying again.

"A slap in the face is an accurate description," I said softly releasing a deep sigh, "But it's like you said, they'll be great parents and us saying anything about it just wouldn't be fair. It's cute that they trust you with their child though. Did you tell Jayden yes?" Right now, I was doing what I did best, distract him from me and what I had going through my head.

Parents. They're going to receive the blessing you lost. Ouch.

 

[Lexus]

Dawson​

"Did I say yes to being a Godparent? I shouldn't have, I'm not that material, we both know that," I said in a half laugh, I was trying to get a laugh out of her in the way only I could. I could tell by how quickly her demeanor changed, I told her something I shouldn't have. I worried that this would be the setting stone that would finally bring Amelia to her breaking point with me, crushing her calm demeanor that continued to terrify me. She seemed so tranquil it was disturbing like she was drugged and incapable of comprehending any kind of emotion but calm. When I realized where I recognized the lifeless gaze, I had to fight the urge to regurgitate my whiskey. Amelia had been completely desensitized, she carried the same lifeless gaze I had seen on the men who spent a majority of their military careers in combat. Pulling myself out of my revelation, I coughed to break the silence before returning the conversation.

"But it's important to Jayden, so I agreed. It's strange I didn't picture him to be the type to baptize his kids, but I think he's just pushing it on Amelia to please his mom." Knocking my knuckles against the bar top, I debated whether I should confide in Isabel about my concern for Amelia. They didn't seem to be in a good place and I didn't want to ruin my second chance by coming between them again. I just couldn't get over the look in Amelia's eye when I showed up a week ago, so full a life, only to notice it was absent again when Jayden invited me over tonight.

"Look, I know it's not my place to come between y'all, I learned the hard way, but whatever is going on through Amelia's head, I'm sure she needs you to help her through it. She has Jayden fooled, with her dainty smile and cute soft southern tone, but I'm telling you, whatever she's going through, she's not telling anybody, and I'm sure you already know what it is without even having to ask. You know, I never understood that about you two, how you got into each other's heads like that, it was kinda, creepy. I hope you don't do black magic or something." Shoving Isabel playfully, I pretended not to see the trail of tears that fell down her cheeks, until I couldn't take it anymore and finally wiped it away with my thumb before I handed her a napkin.

"I know it's hard, Isabel but I can promise you, it's not worth pushing away the people who have always been there, even when we push them away as hard as we can. Hell, Jayden's just as relentless, but it's nice knowing he's always there, even if he doesn't understand how to help, you learn to appreciate the effort because not everyone else is willing to try. What I said about your best friend, I deeply apologize for. I'm glad you have her to remind you what makes you happy, even when the both of us forgot for a little while. I was just jealous that after all those months of trying to help you, nursing you back to being somewhat human, she swooped in and fixed it, making it look effortless, but I know now, it's not effortless at all, if anything, that black magic takes the most effort to perform and I'm not so sure I want in your crazy head that bad." In a wink, I kissed the top of her head when we naturally filled the gap between us. "But I do know, I can help you through this, if you let me."

 

[isax]

Isabel​

Everything Dawson said was going in one ear and out the other. I picked out the important parts, which was most of it, and knew he was right, I just couldn't find it in me to reply or move. I was too far in my own head, but at the mention of Amelia being in hers from Dawson is what brought me out of mine. Looking at him, I took in everything he said, how he said it, and the emotions that were evident on his face. Despite what he said about Amelia a year ago, he genuinely cared about her and wanted to help her. Him telling me his concern was the only way he knew how, and it touched my heart. I never thought I'd see the day where Dawson cared about my best friend.

Hearing from the cowboy admit he was jealous of how Amelia came back into my life and "fixed" me made me cringe. I hated when Amelia called herself the fixer, hated it even more when I heard it come out of someone elses mouth. Amelia wasn't my "fixer", she just knows so much more about me than the average person, and like Dawson said, we're in each other's head all the time. Remembering the remark about Amelia and I doing black magic brought a smile smile out of me, the jokes Dawson said were now processing in my head and I found it even sweeter that he still tried to get me to smile.

The more Dawson talked, the more I moved closer to him. Soon the gap we had was naturally filled by the both of us, and when he kissed the top of my head, that's when I felt a rush of anticipation run through my entire body, a hint of excitement in my heart as it began to beat faster than before. Finally meeting Dawson's gaze, I smiled gently at his offer to help me. Right now, I felt like he was the only one who could. He was the only one who knew my pain. What about his? What Amelia mentioned last week.

"I let what happened last year go, Dawson. I was pissed yes but I knew why you were so upset. It was shitty on my part to not take your side into consideration so I'm deeply sorry about that but enough about me, what about you? I know being deployed hurt you and not physically," I whispered softly, reaching out to hold his hand in my own. "I don't understand that pain but I can try my hardest to help you through it if you're willing to help me through my bullshit."

 

[Lexus]

Dawson​

Making amends brought a sense of closer I never felt I was capable of reaching. For a year, I left knowing I broke Isabel, after doing everything I believed humanly possible to ensure her happiness, I couldn't understand why asking her to build a forever with me seemed like something that would make her miserable. I didn't stop to think that our ideas of her happiness were completely different. Everything I was doing to try to make her happy, was everything I knew would make every other woman I had ever been with elated, but I also failed to realize this plan failed for the same reason I fell so hard for Isabel, she wasn't like every other woman from my past.

At that moment, I felt at peace. It didn't last long though when Isabel's voice brought me back to reality, my body tensing at her assuming something was wrong with me. A year ago, I would have gotten too defensive and let my irrational anger get the best of me, but instead, I took a deep breath, turning to Isabel in a half-grin and nodded.

"I like the sound of that."

 

[isax]

Isabel​

Smiling at Dawson, I nodded when he agreed to the both of us helping each other as best as we could through the bullshit baggage we had been carrying alone for so long. The rest of the night at the bar consisted of a lot of catching up, even if I was the one doing all the talking. Dawson wasn't comfortable talking about where he was stationed and what it was like just yet, and I wasn't going to force him to tell me, so I respected him and told him everything he missed while he was away. I told him everything, how I was no part of the investigative team at the DMN, how I was able to get out and be myself again, even if it didn't last long when November rolled around again. He knew it all, all but Nick and I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell him that right this moment.

"It was a jam packed year to say the least. There wasn't a day I wasn't busy. As much as I love investigative journalism, I do miss picking up my camera. It's been awhile since I have."

After the catching up, we danced, more specifically to Neon Moon just like the first time. The longer we stayed here, the more I knew this meeting wasn't a coincidence and the universe had jokes. Everything was coming full circle and even though I was enjoying every moment of it, I had a bit of a hard time believing it. I never thought Dawson and I would see each other again, well that's a lie, I knew we would, I just genuinely thought I was over him, that I wasn't in love with him anymore.

"This all feels a little like deja vu, don't ya think?" I asked as we continued to sway back and forth with the other couples around us, smiling as I looked the pilot in the eye, my arms wrapped around his neck. In the heat of the moment, I could've sworn that I saw Dawson leaning closer. On instinct, I did the same, not wanting to ignore the pull I felt since he walked into this bar. Meeting him halfway, we shared a kiss, one that warmed my entire body and had my heart racing faster. It was passionate and gentle but one I was never going to forget. When we pulled away, all I could do was smile, biting my lip when the music stop, killing the moment we just shared. For me, that kiss wasn't just out of instinct, but rather out of love. I just didn't know if Dawson felt the same.

"Thanks for the dance, Cowboy."

Walking back toward the bar, I tried to pay for my tab before Dawson could, but like always, he beat me to it. Sighing softly, I grabbed my purse and turned to look back at him, leaning up against the bar while I bit my lip again. I didn't know what to do or what to say now.

"Do ya maybe want to come back to my place?" I asked, feeling pretty damn ballsy for asking. The last time this happened, I ended up at the Covington ranch. I wasn't ready to go back to Fort Worth, not after his family witnessed what happened a year ago.

 

[Lexus]

Dawson​

"Depends on if that's you or the whiskey talking," I whispered into her ear after I paid for both of our tabs, grabbing my jacket. When she insisted it was her, I flashed the same boyish smile I knew drove her insane. "Prove it then, I don't need a replay of what happened the last time we left a bar together. It was awkward, remember? I don't think you do." I challenged, watching her slightly sway. "I'll take you home, but I make no promises on staying. Let's go, amor." Leading her out, I promised Bob I would take her home and make certain she stayed there. His concern for her told me Isabel's year on her own wasn't as promising and successful as she made it out to be. Like me before I left, she seemed to be in denial about just how far downhill she was headed, but I knew better than to confront her about it. Taking her phone from her purse, I took the GPS back to the address labeled "home" It only took me about five minutes with the GPS before I turned it off, realizing she was still in the same apartment on the outskirts of downtown Dallas when we were together. I wasn't entirely sure why, with her new pay, I knew she could afford a condo in the center of downtown like she always talked about when she limited herself to studio work. If I had to guess, the familiarity of her humble beginnings kept her sane.

"Home sweet home," I whispered, chuckling at her refusing to unclutch my arm. "C'mon," Getting out of the driver's side, I walked around to her side opening the door and offering her my hand, leading her to the door where she fumbled for her keys. "We're going to freeze to death out here in the slums before you open the door," I teased, taking the key and unlocking the door, leading her inside, setting her purse on the end table by the door. Revealing that everything looked exactly the same, minus all the photos of us no longer lined the walls, rather it was canvases of her own photos. The sight made my smile widen. I was proud she learned to take pride in her work enough to display it in her home for all her guests to see.

"When did ya take these?" I asked inching closer, keeping my hands in my pockets as I admired each one that lined the hallway from the living room to her bedroom.

 

[isax]

Isabel​

Noticing that I was swaying back at the bar, I was more than grateful Dawson decided to take me home. Driving back to my place didn't seem like an option for me, it almost meant there was a chance I could get him upstairs in my apartment with me. As we drove from the bar and to the outskirts of Dallas, I watched the cowboy use my GPS until he realized it was the same place I lived in back when we were dating. I hoped he didn't think too much on the fact that I didn't move into the center city like I always dreamed of. Despite the generous spike in my pay, I was more than comfortable in my little studio apartment only around ten-to-fifteen minutes away from work, depending on the day.

I refused to get out of the truck without him coming with, and when he did, I giggled like a child receiving her first wrapped gift for Christmas. Taking his hand, I went up to my door with him, fumbling with the keys but I let out a playful laugh when I heard him refer to the area as the slums. Hitting his chest playfully, I shook my head at him. "Leave my barrio alone!" I exclaimed before opening the door and walking inside, going straight to the fridge so that I could get myself a glass of water.

Walking out with the glass in hand, I looked over towards Dawson and noticed he was looking at all the canvases I put up of my own work. Biting my lip, I walked over towards him, following him through the hallway.

"Mm depends which ones you're talking about. Most of them were done years ago. The most recents ones added into this section were the few stories I helped with this past year." When Dawson reached the one closest to my bedroom, I smiled gently at him. "I'm going to change really fast. Everything's the same so help yourself." I said, walking into my bedroom where I set down the glass of water and went into the closet, wanting to get out of what I was wearing. Biting my lip, I found a flannel that I kept from Dawson. That's what we're wearing.

Walking back out of my room, I smiled at the man who brought me home when his eyes fell on me. I wore the same red fed flannel from before, the right side of it hanging off from my shoulder. I kept my hair down, and removed most of the makeup I was previously wearing. The made strides over to Dawson, smiling brightly as I sat in his lap, doing the same thing I did last time. The only difference was my choice of attire and the dog tags hanging around my neck that I had forgotten about. When he reached for them, I gasped, biting my lip for the countless time before I smiled sheepishly.

"I always meant to send them to you but with how things ended, I didn't know how. They were supposed to be your Christmas gift last year. I added a personal touch to them by engraving our initials on the back. I decided to wear them when I couldn't send them to you so I could feel closer to you. I thought I moved on but I guess I never really did," Meeting his gaze, I asked the one question I needed to know the answer to. "Did you move on, Dawson? Because if you did I'm going to be really stupid for pulling what I just did."

 

[Lexus]

*Fade in "The Wolf" The Spencer Lee Band*

LAST POST OF 2018. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Dawson​

I hate to admit it, but the second our eyes locked gazes again, I knew it was game over for me. Isabel was playing her favorite game, one she never lost and this time was no different.

Damn you.

Feeling my palms sweat against each other, I rubbed my neck nervously as Isabel made her stride towards me.

"I was looking for that," I whispered in her ear playfully, pulling away half startled when I felt something cold rub against the back of my arm when she tried to situate herself. Confused. I noticed the metal around her neck and reached for it, realizing what it was the second I took hold of it.

Oh shit.

Giving her a telling expression I smirked at her explanation, not surprised her thoughts trailed off into something deeper, my smirk growing across my lips.

"I believe you, it's okay. I'm glad you kept them." Inching closer, I answered her question with my lips, my hands finding their way to cupping her face as the kiss grew deeper and longer, her body falling into mine. The taste of her lips and this moment, was just as I remembered it, sweet and passionate. Not pulling away until we had to, I took a deep breath, my thumbs rubbing her cheeks as I looked into her brown eyes that saw right through me.

"Does that answer your question, Isabel?"

 

[isax]

OOC: Here's my last post of 2018. Happy New Year y'all!

Isabel​

The kiss took my breath away, just like they always had, and the longer we held it, the more passionate it became. Pulling away at the very last minute, I bite my lip, smiling contently when he asked if that answered my question. It did that and so much more and now, after that kiss, after this night, I didn't want to spend another day without Dawson and I knew now he felt the same way. Giggling I nodded, not saying a single word before I used my favorite catchline from one of my favorite movies.

"Ya big stud," I kissed him again, biting his lip as I pulled away, "Take me to bed or lose me forever."

Squealing when he stood up, I filled the silence of my apartment with joyous laughs, tilting my head back when he went straight for my neck with his abundance of kisses while walking to my room. Bouncing on my bed when he set me down, I unbuttoned the flannel, pulling it off and throwing it onto the floor, wrapping my arms around his neck again while I kissed him for the countless time that night. This moment was one I would never forget, and I could only hope the following morning when I woke up, he was still in bed beside me.

 

[Lexus]

OOC: Well, that's one way to end the year for Isabel and Dawson, Also, new year new username, sis?

Dawson​

Much like the first time, I had no regrets spending the night with Isabel. However, the blissful evening did come to an end, and in the morning, I found myself back in the same rut, wondering just what Isabel and I were. I was sure after a night of making love to one another, it had to mean something, that her confession of struggling to make it through the year without me was true, that we both a made a mistake by not coming to a compromise to make us both happy, losing what could have been a memorable year together instead of spending it apart in denied disarray. I went to bed thinking we were on track to being something more again. I wasn't here with Isabel to just offer sex and leave before things got heated, when I first laid my eyes on her at the bar, I knew I wanted to try to commit to her again. It threw me off that she was so quick to accept my moves, I expected to have to fight for her, to prove she wasn't making a fool of herself again for letting me into her life, but I suppose I was still learning to not rely so heavily on the plans I fantasized about in my head, because in the morning, reality breeched itself like a swift punch in the gut.

Unable to break my body of the habit, I woke up at 5:00 a.m. on the dot. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I gained recollection of my surroundings and what happened the night before. Grinning at the thought, I turned over to find Isabel in a deep sleep. Not wanting to wake her, I remained still and quiet, watching her for an hour and a half, wondering what her life was really like in the year I went away. I wanted to believe she was just as much at peace as she looked, but I knew that was the farthest thing from the truth. Most of what I was thinking about though was the future and how I could make it up to her for being so set in my ways. I was ready to talk about what she wanted and where she saw our future together, and from there we would make a compromise on what benefitted both of us. I wanted Isabel back in my life.

When I decided to get up, I inched closer toward her, planting a soft kiss on her lips, still admiring her. "Go back to sleep," I whispered over her when she let go of the slightest groan at my disturbance. Looking over at her phone on the charging station, I took note it was only 6:30. I told myself I was going to attempt to go back to sleep myself, but then I saw something I wished I hadn't.

Across her screen was a text message bubble from someone named Nick.

"Are we still on for our dinner date tonight? I hope everything's alright"

A date huh? Interesting, I thought she wasn't over me?

I was angry, but I didn't let it show. Isabel wasn't in the wrong. We weren't together, she could see whoever she wanted, but it made me question too many things about what we had done last night.

Were her and Nick serious? How long were they talking? Did Isabel really mean what she said to me last night or was it all a rouse to get my attention? Did I know what I was getting myself into?

What in the hell is this? I didn't know how to handle this in a healthy way. I wanted to jump up and leave, but that wouldn't solve a damn thing. Should I wait for Isabel to tell me about Nick or should I just confront her about it?

There's no guarantee she'll even tell me.

I didn't have much time to dwell on it though, because soon after I heard obnoxious vibrating that meant someone was calling. The caller ID made my stomach drop.

Without thinking about boundaries, I leaned over her, snatching the phone and answering it.

"Hello?"
"Hello, I'm looking to speak to a Ms. Isabel Anes, this is Tracey Johnson from Baylor University Medical Center. Is this where I can reach her?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Can I speak with her, please? Tell her it's urgent. I've been trying to reach her all morning."
"Yes, I will, one second." Holding the phone to my bare chest, I shook Isabel awake, before she could voice her displeasure I shushed her and handed her the phone.
"Someone from the hospital said they need to talk to you. It's important."

Amelia​

Isabel and I had not spoken since she walked out of the cafe a week ago, and much to my own dissatisfaction, I still didn't tell her about the baby. The guilt was still clouding my mind, the thought of keeping this from her continued to eat away at me, especially for how I reacted when she kept it from me. I was a hypocrite. When the time came, I knew I would have to own up to that, but telling her was the last of my worries. In the week since I told Jayden, he wanted to know everything. How long I knew, how far along I was, when the first appointment would be, what we would need. The list seemed never-ending, and his eagerness to jump into it all was suffocating.

The thought of being someone's mother terrified me, but I kept that to myself, not wanting to rain on Jayden's parade, I kept it to myself because there was no point in voicing what I saw for myself now, whether I was ready to have a child or not, we were having one. It remained difficult once the worst of the symptoms set in. Aside from my breakdowns, I was always tired, and most recently I was dizzy most of the time, I knew all of this was normal, but it made me uneasy. I wanted to ask Isabel about it, but because of the situation, I steered clear from depending on her. This wasn't a good thing though. Being true to myself, I was one who chooses to suffer in silence, so whenever Jayden asked, I often downplayed how I was actually feeling and he bought it.

Last night when Jayden invited Dawson over for dinner to tell him the news, it was another horrible day for me. Because of work, my first doctor's appointment wasn't for another three days, I told myself I could manage that, but as the three of us sat at the table, eating the fajitas Jayden made, my stomach started acting up. Pushing the plate aside, I smiled at the two men, reassuring them that I would be okay, but as the night progressed and Jayden left for his usual night shift I wasn't so sure. The stomach pain only intensified and my pelvis was aching down to the bone. At one point, I convinced myself I was dying before common sense set in.

Somehow, after Jayden failed to answer his phone, I wrapped myself in one of his many Dallas PD hoodies and drove myself to the ER. By the time I arrived, I was hunched over at the check-in desk, my hands curled into fists as I tried to catch a breath. Looking at the clock to distract myself from the pain, I realized I tried to wait this out, not knowing what it was for three hours before I showed up. When the nurse asked me what was wrong, I shook my head, finally breaking down at the thought of admitting what this was. It was a miscarriage.

Remaining unresponsive to the concerned nurse, I heard her asking me questions to configure what was wrong but I only responded to one.

"Are you pregnant?"

Looking up at her with what I was sure, solemn eyes, I nodded through my tears, and the horror on her face told me she knew what this was. The rest was a blur, I didn't remember anything from the early morning hours, I remember a crowd of nurses carrying me into a room, something cold against my stomach, sorrowful gazes, a firm, cold hand in mine I didn't recognize, the words "Ectopic" "Terminate" "Ruptured tube." "Surgery" None of it made sense to me. I was too distraught to understand, all that was consistent my instability.

"Miss, you need to calm down so we can prep you for surgery." Shaking my head, I felt the same unfamiliar hand take my grip, it was a woman, she was leaning over me now, her voice calm, soothing even.

"Amelia, you're going to be okay, breathe," the nurse said. "Is this your husband's number?" She asked, holding up one of Jayden's cards I kept in my purse. Nodding, I swallowed, trying to stop hyperventilating.

"Okay, I'll call him."

Nodding I winced as the pain picked up again, the team of nurses doing their best to prep me as fast as they could while I managed to catch a breath after one of them injected me with something, probably some drug to calm me down.

"I have an emergency contact, can you call her too?"

"Yes, I can do that." The sweet nurse agreed before running away. That was the last thing I remembered aside from the bright lights in my face in the OR table before I went unconscious.

 

[isax]

Isabel​

Last night with Dawson was magical. I played the game I knew I never lost and it was more than worth it because I never wanted the night to end. After a fun filled night of making love, I found myself falling asleep against Dawson's chest, our bodies tangled together through the night.

I wasn't much of a morning person ever in my life despite the many times I tried to convince others, and myself, that I was. Due to my adventurous, impulsive nature, I was and always would be more of a night owl, even if I needed a decent amount of sleep to function. Waking up at five in the morning, going for runs, coming back and eating a smoothie, those were during the days I was happier, healthier, and had Dawson with me to continue implementing them. After my life turned toward a hole of negativity, and I stayed in the slums, I reverted back to needing more sleep than necessary, forgetting about waking up so early in the morning, and my workouts now happened around nine or ten at night. Needless to say, when I felt Dawson give me a soft kiss so early in the morning, I groaned, moving around slightly.

Naturally, when he shook me awake, I groaned again, starting to mumble a complaint until I heard what he said. Something about someone from the hospital needing to talk to me. Something about it being important. Hospital. The hospital's calling? Shit. The hospital's calling.

Quickly sitting up with a worried expression, I took my phone from Dawson, standing up as I began talking to the nurse while I went to my closet, fetching one of my silk robes to put on for now.

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm looking for Ms. Anes?"

"This is she."

"Ms. Anes, this is Tracey Johnson from Baylor University Medical Center. I'm calling because you're put down as Ms. Amelia Carson's emergency contact."

Fuck. "That's correct."

"Ms. Carson brought herself into the ER about an hour ago. She was in an intense amount of pain and after a quick diagnosis, we realized Ms. Carson was losing her child. She's currently in the OR having surgery done but she asked for me to contact you before she went in. Her husband hasn't answered any of my calls and I was calling to see if you could possibly come in. She should be out of surgery soon and I would like for her to have someone here when she wakes up."

"Of course. I'll be there as soon as I can."

After hanging up the phone, I bit my lip, trying to process everything that nurse Tracey just said. I was on such a high from last night that hearing my best friend was losing her child, something I knew the feeling of, was too much to handle. Before I could even think about setting foot in a hospital, I found myself curling into a ball in my closet, hugging myself tightly, crying out the emotions I needed to before I went to be the anchor Amelia needed me to be. When Dawson walked into the closet, I smiled weakly, looking away because I still hated to show my vulnerable state. When he sat next to me and asked what happened, I released a deep sigh.

"I need to get dressed and go to the hospital. Amelia's currently in surgery. Dawson, she lost their child. She's having a miscarriage and I-" Shit. "I have to get my shit together and go. Can you drive me?" It was then I saw a flash of anger in Dawson's expression before it settled on hurt and worry. He was angry, and I couldn't think of why he was, but the vibration in my hand caught my attention, looking down I saw another message from Nick, and it was then my stomach sank. Dawson answered my phone. He had to have seen the dinner date message. Fuck.

"Or maybe I should drive myself. I need to get dressed. Can you get ahold of Jayden for me? The nurse said she had been calling but he wasn't answering any of them." With that, I stood up, walking out of my closet so that I could grab a simple pair of leggings and a hoodie, putting on my Nikes before I grabbed my purse. When I was finished, I smiled weakly at Dawson. "Nick and I are nothing, Dawson. We've just been meeting up, going on dates and ending them at his house, nothing more. I thought I moved on from what we had but I never did. You don't have to believe me but it's the truth. I gotta go."

With that I went to my car, driving straight to the hospital and when I arrived all I could do was sit in Amelia's room while I waited for her arrival, calling Jayden myself but he didn't even answer me. When Dawson texted me saying he would get Jayden, I let him handle it because when Amelia came in, I stood up and quickly sat down on the bed next to her, thanking the nurse before she left. Smiling weakly at Amelia, I took her hand in mine.

"I'm here, Best Friend. I'm not going anywhere and Dawson is getting Jayden."

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

The first thought that rang in my brain when I was coming out of my comatose state was how cold it was. That and as weird as it sounded, I didn't feel a part of my body. Maybe cause my mind came together a lot quicker than the rest of me, my mind told me I was in a hospital and I was waking up from surgery, but I felt nothing from it like my body was playing catch up. Not wanting to open my eyes, I kept them closed in fear that when I opened them it was a signal to my brain to signal the pain. Right now, I was sore and uncomfortable but I knew it wouldn't last. Taking a deep breath, I tried to drown out the rhythmic, mundane beating of my heart monitor.

Right. That's what's on my left ring finger. I feel it now. And that uncomfortable pinch on my chest? Electrodes. What happened? Why am I here? Am I alone? How long was I out? My name is Amelia, yes. Open your eyes. Open them. You can't stay out too long, it'll worry everyone. Wake up. The surgery is over now. Someone is talking to you? Who is that? It's a girl, you know her, what's her name? Speak again. Isabel. Your best friend. Yes. Wake up. She needs to know you're okay, Wake up. C'mon. I can't, My eyes won't open yet. Do something. Let her know you're awake. It's still cold. Finger, heart monitor. Hand. Move your fingers. Concentrate. One finger. Nope. OPEN. YOUR. EYES. Deep breathe. Go. Eyes open. They're open.

Feeling Isabel next to me, I reached for her hand and squeezed it, smiling when she acknowledged me. I was still in a haze on why I ended up here, but it was apparent it was serious by Isabel's reaction.

"Hi, best friend," I whispered with a dry throat. The exhaustion taking its toll on me. Whatever drugs they pumped into me when they knocked me out, there were working, because the pain remained absent despite the soreness.

"Where's Jayden?" I asked closing my eyes again for a second to bare through the pain I brought myself when I tried to shift over now. I heard her mention him before, but I couldn't recall what she said. I was still trying to piece my thoughts back together.

What the hell did they do to me?

 

[isax]

Isabel​

I could tell the minute Amelia opened her eyes, she wasn't necessarily all there. Whatever medication they gave her was still very present and I wasn't sure what she knew and didn't know in her drunken state. Biting my lip, I gave her hand another squeeze after she did the same, finding what to say to her in an attempt to not set her off. I didn't want her to face the harsh reality just yet if she was still unable to process it all or the amount of pain she must be in.

"He'll be here soon. Dawson went to get him for you. He was at work and not answering any of the calls from the nurse," I explained softly to my best friend, biting my as I tried to figure out what to say from here. "How're you feeling, Best Friend? Are you in any pain? Do you know what happened?"

I was worried for Amelia, worried about how she would take it. I knew being a mother wasn't exactly on her radar. I knew there was a chance she would be in shock, feel sorrow and guilt for awhile, much less than me. It was because of that I wasn't really sure what to expect when the realization hit her. I also didn't know what to do when Jayden arrived, because I knew he was going to take this much harder than Amelia was. That was a given.

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

"Why didn't he answer?" You weren't supposed to say that out loud but I guess we have no filter. Isabel gave me some response, but her words jumbled together and I couldn't stay focused long enough to try and understand what she was saying. The tape keeping my IV in place on my arm was itching, everything I was hooked up to making me feel confined, reminding me in some way that I couldn't remember right now, that I was broken. Turning my head back towards Isabel I attempted to clear my dry throat shivering,

"I'm okay, just sore. You didn't have to come," I replied nonchalantly before I watched a woman in a white coat entered the room. Who is she? I wondered, fighting the temptation to fall back into a deep sleep. Whoever she was, her hands were cold when she placed them on my arm. She told me her name and I just nodded, knowing I wouldn't remember later. Not that it mattered, she didn't talk to me much, only asked how much pain I was in and promised to find someone to bring me a cup of water and a warm blanket. My head was still ringing, so I kept my eyes closed once she moved on from me to Isabel.

Dr. Watson​

This was the part of the job I hated, I knew I had to do it in order to help a patient and their loved ones through their worry and grief, but I was still human and was not immune to the feelings of agony and despair, especially when in cases like Amelia's we almost lost her on the table.

After sending her off to recovery, I gave myself a few minutes to recompose myself and let someone show up for her before I made my way into her room with her file. It was a relief that I was able to save her, but that still didn't make up for the life she just lost and the consequence that came of it. Taking her file, I walked into the room, spotting Amelia only half aware, that was normal, and Isabel I presumed, the one Amelia had on file as her contact.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Watson, how are we feeling, Amelia? I asked checking her vitals and her rate of response before I turned to Isabel.

"Isabel?" I asked, sighing when she nodded.

"Good, I'm glad someone's here for her. She doesn't need to recover from this alone. She's out of it now, but it should wear off in the next hour, she'll be okay." I reassured the woman who rightfully remained on edge.

"Because you're her contact, that means I can disclose information to you. What is Amelia to you?" I asked curiously, smiling, at how quick Isabel was to say they were best friends. Nodding, I tried not to thnk about what it was like to watch your best friend go through something like this.

"Okay, well, I know this isn't easy, and what I have to say isn't going to be easy to hear, but it's for the best that everyone be in the know. Don't you agree?" When Isabel agreed, I rested a hand on her shoulder to let her know what she was feeling was valid.

"Amelia suffered from an ectopic pregnancy, which means the fertilized egg implanted itself somewhere else besides the uterus. In Amelia's case, the egg implanted itself in her fallopian tube, not a sustainable place for a baby to grow without threatening the life of the mother. It's hard to tell the difference because all the symptoms are the same. The ultrasound would have told us sooner, but it doesn't look like she had any prenatal care yet. Either way, it's not safe to continue on in these cases so we had to terminate the pregnancy. Unfortunately, there were some complications, severe blood loss and some damage to the fallopian tube, it looks like, if she plans to have kids in the future, there's only a 40% chance of it happening and because this happened, it's more of a risk it will happen again, so just make sure, if it does, she keeps an eye on it. No waiting to go and see someone because this time she just got lucky." After a brief pause, I put my hands over Isabel's. "I'm so sorry, I know this is a lot to take in, but she should make a full recovery from the procedure, she'll just need to take it easy for a few weeks and keep the incision clean. Have you heard anything from her husband?"

 

[isax]

Isabel​

I should've known the minute the doctor asked to talk to me the information she was going to relay would crush me, and crush me it did. Listening to Dr. Watson explain to me everything that happened to Amelia was a lot to take in. Knowing the type of miscarriage Amelia went through, how her body reacted, how she became so weak due to the blood loss, it was all so much information that I wasn't quite ready to take in so early in the morning. Instantly crossing my arms as a defense mechanism to shut myself away, I bit the inside of my cheek, composing myself before I finally released a deep sigh and nodded.

"My boyfriend should be bringing him soon. He was working a night shift and wasn't focused on his phone," I said softly, needing to cover my mouth as I held down the urge to throw up. It had dawned on me then what specifically Dr. Watson said. Amelia's chances of gettin pregnant yet again were slim. I knew that news would hurt Amelia, even if having kids was never on her radar. I knew for Jayden however, it would wreck him, because we all knew having children was something he desperately wanted. He had a soft spot for kids, and knowing there was a chance he wouldn't be able to have any with Amelia was heartbreaking.

"Thank you, Dr. Watson. I appreciate everything you did to help my best friend."

Jayden​

Going into my night shift, I didn't think this one would be any different. Tonight Nick and I were paired together. It started off slow, doing the usual area patrolling. As it inched closer to five in the morning, Nick and I were just about to make a quick stop for coffee at a gas station but that plan went to shit when we heard the obnoxious beep over the radio with the following static sound to it. Dispatch was calling out to Nick and I.

"We got a call of a 19 in progress at 1672 Belleview Street. It started out as a domestic argument but a gun was pulled by the wife's husband. No fatalities are reported as of yet."

My stomach dropped then. I never liked dealing with domestic calls, let alone domestic calls gone wrong. The first thing I could think of was the wife, how she must be feeling considering the fact her husband just pulled a gun. Did they have children and if they did than were they safe in their room or were they in reach of the gun? Fuck man.

Nick was the one who responded back, all I could do was think about switching on the sirens and lights for most of the drive but the minute we made it down the street, I turned them off. I didn't want to trigger the man with a gun, didn't want him to shoot anyone. Looking at the house, the door was open, and the minute Nick got out, a child who looked to be around the age of seven ran out to him, hugging him as he cried. That already worried the hell out of me.

Calling in backup, I waited for another to arrive, and no later than two minutes they did. The young boy wouldn't let go of Nick, his cries only worsened, going into the house with guns drawn and another officer behind, I made my way through the hallways and to the living room, hearing sharp cries.

"Hallway's clear."

Inching closer to the living room, concealing the emotions I felt when I saw a woman laying on the ground, blood pooling around her while the two-year-old next to her began to scream and cry. Fucking shit man. I couldn't contain the rage rushing through me. Right now, all I wanted to do was shoot the scumbag standing across from me.

"Put the gun down!" I heard the officer behind me exclaim. Shaking my head, I kept mine focused on the man holding it. Everything happened quickly. I inched closer to the toddler, trying to get to her as quick as I could. "Sir, put the gun down!" I heard again. With the adrenaline shooting through me, all I could think about was keeping the toddler safe. I didn't even flinch when I heard a gun shot and it wasn't from me or the other officer. The man's body fell down, joining his wife's in a pool of his own blood. Grabbing the toddler then, I walked out of the house, looking at Nick and shaking my head. My stomach was weak and I felt like throwing up but not because of the shooter killing himself. More because the children now had to go through foster care. I had a lot of friend who shared that experience with me and I knew it wasn't pleasant.

With ambulance now on the scene, Nick and I stayed on the scene while the paramedics examined the kids. They wouldn't let us go and the little girl was pretty distressed over what she saw. They were both too young to go through this. I was so focused on helping them that I ignored my cell phone, plus we still had to clear the scene.

"Acciolli, 10-21. Dawson Covington."

They wanted me to call Dawson? What the hell was going on?

Grabbing my phone out of the pocket, I called him quickly and when he answered, what he relayed wrecked my entire world.

Amelia had a miscarriage.

 

[Lexus]

Dawson​

After corresponding with Isabel all morning while trying to get Jayden to answer his phone, I came to learn through Isabel's texts the severity of Amelia was going through.

"Shit!" I exclaimed when I read the text from Isabel explaining that this was more than a miscarriage, that was painful enough, but it more than likely ruined Amelia's chances of ever having biological children and knowing how badly Jayden whished for kids to be a part of his future, as his best friend, I didn't know how to brace him for the news. Like any rational human being, I didn't want to be the one to deliver such devastating news to my best friend, but this is where military training came into play.

After six missed calls, I called the station and requested for dispatch to get a hold of Jayden, ASAP, and when they tried to tell me the call he was on was urgent and he couldn't leave and would get back to me when he was free, I insisted my reasoning was just as urgent, eventually, I lose my cool demeanor and just blurted it out.

"His girlfriend lost their baby and almost died, I think you can find another officer to cover his scene and let him go. Can you just have hm call me, please?" When the person on the other end agreed I replied in a sarcastic thank you and waited anxiously for Jayden to call. When he did, ten minutes later let go of the breath I was holding, answering the call on the second ring, not giving myself time to prepare a buffer for what Jayden needed to know.

"Look Jay, I've been trying to get a hold of you all morning and so has a nurse at the hospital, you need to leave wherever you are right now, it's urgent, Amelia needs you. She went into the ER about three hours ago and they said she lost the baby, I'm sorry for the loss, I know it fucking sucks, but she needs you, it's a lot worse than anyone thought it would be. Isabel is with her right now. She said she just got out of surgery." When he cut me off my asking which hospital, I was quick to reply.

"Baylor, just go, hurry. I can meet you there if you want."

 

[isax]

Jayden​

Get to Baylor. Get to Baylor quick.

After telling Dawson to meet me at the hospital, I requested to leave the horrific scene I was at in an attempt to get to Amelia as quick as I could. It seemed like I wasn't going to catch a break this morning considering I was just at a murder suicide and now on my way to my girlfriend who just had a miscarriage, and something about Dawson's tone of voice when saying it was urgent, I knew there was something else that I didn't quite know yet and the unknown made me sick.

When I arrived to Baylor, I quickly got out of my car, fast walking from the parking lot to the entrance. The minute I got inside, I ran straight to the information desk, asking for the room number where Amelia was. By the time the worker there told me, Dawson had just arrived himself. Thankful he showed up, I walked over to him so we could go to the room together. I knew I was going to need him there the minute I saw Amelia in that bed. Going into the elevator, I impatiently waited as we went up too many floors for me to handle. Looking at Dawson, I smiled weakly, needing to just break but knew I couldn’t.

“Thanks for coming. I know it might be weird with Isabel there but it’s been a long morning. You don’t even want to know what happened at the call I left.”

Knocking on the door, I smiled gently at Isabel when she looked over as I walked in, hugging her tightly when she stood up. I knew by how tight she hugged back, she was still trying to process everything she was told, and I knew it was going to be a lot for me too. After hugging her, I went over to Amelia, kissing her forehead softly before I held her hand in my own.

“Hi babe. I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner but the call I was on was pretty bad. How are you feeling?”

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

Waking up again, I smiled seeing Isabel was still here, I worried that in my drugged state I hallucinated her presence considering what happened the last time we were together. I was glad she was here. I didn't want to be alone. Now that my thoughts were clear and I could comprehend the situation, I couldn't stop the tears that streamed down my face before I even spoke to let Isabel know I was awake. The gravity of the situation was so overwhelming that my emotions got the best of me. It wasn't until my throat clotted and I had to take a deep breath, causing me to hyperventilate, Isabel knew. Falling into her when she tried to comfort me, I cried, knowing with just the two of us here, that it was okay. The despair evident in my ugly, loud cries, crying, I didn't stop until I felt empty like there was nothing left to repress because I released it without having to say a single word to the person who knew me better than anyone else.

When I finally managed to pull away, my face was stiff from the tears and my eyes burned. Wiping away the tears with the back of my hand I shook my head while Isabel sat there, looking onto me apologetically, her hand resting on my free one.

"I'm sorry," I whispered almost feeling ashamed. I felt dirty and like I deserved to be alone at this moment. I was sorry for so many things, losing the baby, making her rush over here for me when I was certain it was the last thing she wanted to do for me, I was sorry for making her see me at my worse, for crying on her without blurting a single word.

"Oh God, did you tell Jayden? Where is he?" I asked helplessly, not wanting to face Jayden. "I should have come sooner, he's going to be so angry with me."

The thought of disappointing Jayden, being the reason he was in pain was too much for me to bear and sent me into another fit of unflattering sobs, continuing to shake my head when Isabel tried to reassure me in the same way I had with her in the past with Olivia.

"I'm a horrible person, Isabel. I don't want to be a mother and when they told me what was happening I-I felt relieved. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry." Catching a breath, I heard a knock at the door and took the tissue from Isabel's hand seeing Jayden. My time to work through my emotions was over, I had to be there for Jayden, the parent out of the two of us that was genuinely grieving what I had lost.

Offering him a faint smile, I squeezed his hand, putting on my facade hoping he didn't hear what I said before he made his presence in the room. His concern for me was to be expected but still ate at my guilt. I didn't deserve him.

"You're here now, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm okay, I guess, the pain meds haven't worn off yet." Biting my lip, I was struggling to keep myself together now that there were other people in the room. Not letting go of Jayden's hand I turned to Isabel when she broke the awkward silence, but instead of her usual chipper tone, it lacked confidence and remained gentle. That's when she shattered my world that was already falling apart. She dropped the last bit of news I didn't know. She tried to do it as delicately as possible, but by the tears that clouded her own eyes, I knew it was harder for her than me to know I probably wouldn't have children of my own. Keeping my gaze in my lap, I took hold of Jayden when I felt him lean into me further. Struggling to find my voice, my sentence seemed to burn my vocal cords.

"Can you and Dawson give us a moment, please?" I asked gently, thanking my best friend before she left. Now that it was just Jayden and I, I could focus on him. The way he looked at me made me cringe and all I could do aside from let the tears start to fall again was apologize repeatedly.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, once again distraught. "I know it doesn't mean anything now, but I'm so sorry. I love you. You know that, right?" Squeezing his hand, I braced for him to get furious. I was afraid of his reaction.

 

[isax]

Jayden​

My entire world started to crumble down, my heart shattered to a million pieces as Isabel began to relay the other information we needed to know. Time stopped then and nothing, not even the call I just faced, could be worse than what I was told. Amelia's chances of having children were slim to none after this, meaning the chance of us having a family together were slim to none. A family was all that I ever wanted, a wife and children to protect. I was always considered of softy for it but it never bothered me because I always believed men could be emotional too, the ones who chose not to be were more than stupid most of the time.

Nothing pulled me out of my thoughts until Amelia asked mine and her best friend to give us some time alone. I knew then we were going to talk about this and in the mind frame I was already in, I didn't think I could handle it, but I knew it was one that she and I needed to have. Having it sooner was better than later.

Hearing Amelia continuously apologize left a sour taste in my mouth, because none of what happened was her fault. In a hurried attempt to reassure her of that, I quickly brought her into my arms, hugging her as tightly as I could without hurting her, planting a gentle kiss on the top of her head. I just held her, letting her feel her emotions before I pulled away and held her hands in my own.

"Amelia, of course I know you love me. You know I love you, right? Despite what happened I will always love you. None of this is your fault baby girl. None of it. Things happen for a reason. I'm just glad you're fine, that I didn't lose you too."

I didn't know what else to say. I knew Amelia wouldn't tell me how she really felt about this just yet. I knew she more than likely broke with Isabel and stopped her emotions when Dawson and I showed. I knew Amelia more than she thought I did, just like I knew this baby, the one we just lost, she wasn't ready for. I didn't know if she would ever be ready for kids but that was another talk we would have to have later, preferably not now because then I would really be broken.

Isabel​

I respected Amelia's wish and left the room with Dawson because I knew her and Jayden needed some time to themselves. I wasn't going to leave the hospital just yet, I planned on staying with her if she needed to stay overnight because I knew Jayden was more than likely going to need some time alone to process everything. He's a cancer and cancer's are very emotional people, they just never liked showing them in front of others. Shutting the door after Dawson walked out, I released a soft sigh, automatically feeling the tension in the air between us.

So much for things not being awkward the next morning huh?

I didn't want to think about what happened with Dawson and I. Right now, all I could do was focus on Amelia, be the rock and anchor I know she so desperately needed right now. No one knew her pain better than I did, and it wasn't because we knew each other better than anyone else, but rather because I knew what having a miscarriage was like.

Clearing my throat, I smiled gently at Dawson before I looked down at my phone, noting the time I quickly opened a text thread with my editor and messaged him, letting him know everything that happened because I wasn't planning on going to work. Luckily he understood and told me to focus on Amelia and be with her. Exiting that thread, I saw a new message in the one I had with Nick.

"Hey, is everything alright? Is Jayden okay? The call we were on was rough, Bel. Dinner tonight still? If not that's okay."

Releasing a frustrated groan, I locked my phone again, not wanting to even think about Nick at this moment but knew I was going to have to be upfront with him eventually. Feeling warmth rather close, I looked up and noticed Dawson was hovering over me. Rolling my eyes, I put my phone back in my purse.

"Is reading my text messages something you like doing now?" I asked, already feeling the sour taste in my mouth. Really Isabel? Pendeja. "Sorry. This isn't your fault, it's mine. I'm gonna run down to the cafeteria. I could use some coffee," More like whiskey, "Do you want anything?"

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

"Jayden, when you're ready to talk to someone, I'm here for you, you don't have to put on a front for me, okay?" I asked gently, running my fingers gently through his hair, smiling when he looked away from his lap and up at me. I knew he was still processing all of this, but I knew he was taking to it well. Seeing his reaction was enough to make me wish I could fix this, but it was already too late. For once in my life, I didn't know what else to say. Before finding out we were going to have a child together and then losing that chance, possibly for good, Jayden and I were only together for a little over a year. In that year, it was a lot of exploring and getting to know each other, we were just enjoying spending time together, the little moments, and from time to time, lust took control. I just recently got Jayden to open up to me about why he refused to go visit his parents, his whole family, we never had the conversation about kids or marriage, but after this, it was obvious it was something Jayden had planned for his future, while I never pictured it as being an essential part of mine.

What does this mean for us?

I didn't indulge the question to Jayden, he was grieving, the last thing I wanted to do was make him think he was losing me too when that was his last strand of sanity, but I knew eventually, it would cause conflict between us. Right now though, I knew I loved him, and because of that, he had a right to my vulnerability.

"I'm glad you're here, I was scared," I admitted in a whisper.

Please open up to me.

Dawson​

"Or we can run somewhere and get real food, I assume you're going to stay here with Amelia, and I'm sure she wants actual food and not whatever cardboard flavored food they try to bring her later. Let's go. What does she like? You know better than me," I said handing her my jacket, knowing t would be too cold out there for her on this January morning considering she forgot her own in her hurry to leave this morning. When she glared at me I sighed, shaking my head. "It's just a jacket, you don't have to tell Nick, that's his name, right? I teased with a smirk.

"Look, I don't care about him, whatever he is to you, good for you. But just a piece of advice, I wouldn't keep him on a leash waiting for you if you don't want anything serious. He might turn into a jealous enraged lover who wants to take revenge on us all." After some silence, I finished my thought. "Just be open, Whiskey. A guy appreciates that even when you tell him what he doesn't want to hear, he'll learn to respect you for who you are and not who he wants you to be."

 

[isax]

Jayden​

Feeling Amelia's hands running through my hair was more than comforting, it was soothing and something I appreciated in a time where I felt so utterly broken, my last strand of sanity sitting right beside me, comforting me as best as she could. I should have been the one comforting Amelia, but instead I was here, trying not to break down next to her because right now she didn't need to see me ike that, but when she confessed to me that she was scared, I immediately gave in.

"Of course I'm here. I would never let you go through this alone," I whispered softly, moving from the chair to sit next to Amelia on the bed, holding her hand in mine. "This sucks. The loss of our child, the freaking call I was on before I got here, all of it."

Thinking back to the call, I remembered both of the children, how scared the son was and how quick he was to hang on to Nick for some form of security and comfort, and the daughter, her cries and how close she was to her mother, watching her father kill himself. All of it was ridiculous and unfair to them. Reaching for my phone, I saw an update on the case from Nick, it was him letting me know they had to find a translator who spoke Spanish that the children felt comfortable talking with. They were still pretty frightened. Looking back at Amelia, I smiled weakly.

"Sorry, it's an update from Nick. It was a murder suicide Amelia. Two children, a son and a daughter. When we got there the little boy was already running out of the house, in a fit of cries, and he instantly clung to Nick the minute he saw him. I went in, saw their mother murdered on the floor, surrounded in her own blood, and her daughter was crying right next to her. That's when her dad killed himself. All of that happened in front of their daughter. I can't even fathom her having to process any of that and now they're back at the station and they're currently finding a translator that makes them feel comfortable. They're more than frightened." It felt like an entire weight was now off my shoulders. "I left the minute Dawson told me. I really would've been here sooner and I'm so sorry I wasn't."

Isabel​

Sighing deeply, I knew Dawson was right. I needed to relax and stop being so uptight with him. I just needed to let it go, needed to talk to Nick about everything, tell him the truth about how I still loved Dawson. Taking his jacket after glaring at him, I wrapped it around me, biting my lip as I let the silence linger while we walked out to his truck. I was trying to figure out what kind of food I wanted, more specifically for myself.

"Being away for a year really changed ya huh?" I asked with a teasing grin, getting into the truck when he unlocked it before I released another sigh. "Look Six, Nick and I started to see each other a month after you left. I was broken, alone and I just wanted someone there. It was fucked up of me to start something with him like that but the more we hung out, the more I thought I got over you and liked Nick. Then you came back into the picture and fuck, I wasn't over you, I just thought I was. In fact, I still love you, crazy right?"

Looking at the cowboy before I quickly looked away and out the window, I bit my lip, realizing that confession was pretty big considering I hadn't even told Nick about it yet.

"I'll talk to him about everything soon and I don't blame you if you think less of me because of what we did last night despite Nick but I'm sorry," Biting my lip again, I looked back at Dawson and smiled. "But enough of that, don't ya think? Let's get some food. What do you feel like eating?" I don't really want breakfast but it is what it is.