Realistic or Modern Anchored by Love (Draft Four... lol)

[Lexus]

Dawson​

"You don't think so, I think it's come to fit me. I like it," I replied gently with a wide smile. Seeing my mother's happiness in the gleam of her eye was enough to know I was in the right place despite my own doubts that it was too early to return home like I had a choice.

"I'm fine, momma, happy to be home and to see you but you don't need to worry about me now, everything's fine, I promise. I'm not leaving you again. At least not for a while, how does that sound?"

I knew my decision to leave on such short notice was unfair and insensitive to my parents and everyone else who cared about me, but a year ago, the only thing on my mind was the need to escape, to start fresh. Isabel was my life. She consumed my every free thought and I was too transfixed on the life I idolized for the both of us, wanting it so bad, that I didn't have the compacity to consider the value of a compromise if that's what it took to keep her. It wasn't healthy, I knew that now, and I also knew what I did to despair the woman I loved was unforgivable, I accepted that, and I wished all the best for her, wherever she was now. She deserved the best, what I couldn't give her in the past. I still had the letter though, still carried in the same pocket every day for the last year as a sort of security blanket I was too attacked to to part from just yet. Bur of course, the second I was back on Texas soil I couldn't help but wonder where she was now and what she was up to. I hoped she was back to being the spontaneously adventurous woman I fell in love with on tour, because one thing was for sure, after living a year in complete helll, I knew for certain the world was an unforgiving dark place and we needed more people like Isabel to light it back up, to remind me and everyone else not to lose hope.

Where are you, Isabel?

 

[isax]

Isabel​

"Hey Isabel, the whole investigative team was thinking about going to dinner and then a bar tonight to kind of destress from the story we're working on. Are you down to tag along? We can car pool if you want."

Looking up from the pile of public documents that I had been buried in since I arrived into the newsroom, I smiled softly at my co-worker Nancy before I nodded. A break from all of this, the research and calling and deep thinking, was much needed. This was the hardest story we were working on since I became part of the team but I still loved what I was doing now, even if I only touched my camera here and there.

"That actually sounds amazing. I'm up for it."

"Great. We leave at five."

The story wasn't the only reason I needed a night out in the city like this. Today marked an entire year since the day Dawson decided to just up and leave so that he could serve our country. He was able to convince most of those closest to him that he was leaving because he needed it, because it was for himself but I am no fool and I know for a fact he left because of me. Knowing that did impact me in a rather negative way but I managed to get over it and continue on in my life. Since then, I have truly been thriving.

I took on a spot in the investigative team at the Dallas Morning News after I realized studio photography wasn't jack shit for me. I was more than grateful Dawson was able to help me out by buying the studio for me during that rough patch in life, but now it was run by those I hired, and it continued to do well, at least that's what Luke tells me. After having dinner at Spaghetti Warehouse with Amelia and Jayden, and meeting Nick, Nick and I decided to pursue what we felt a little bit more, but I wasn't ready to put a label on it just yet.

What we had was going pretty strong. He reminded me a lot of my dad. The officer was definitely on the romantic side, bringing me flowers every time we went out on a date. He never once let me touch the bill, despite the many times I tried to beat him to it, and what we did after all of that was even just as good. Nothing like what Dawson and I had but being with Nick was a lot more refreshing and less constricting. I really felt like I could be myself and being with him allowed me to not be so dependent on Dawson. Because of that, I even stopped wearing the dog tags.

All of that went to shit the minute November came. I regressed back into my head heavily then and it wasn't because I missed Dawson, but rather, I was still grieving over the what could've been. I was grieving over Olivia and what she would have grown up to be like. That November, she would've been two. She would've been able to talk, throw so many tantrums, and even give a little sass, because let's be real, she's my daughter, but more than anything, she's my angel.

Since then it's been rough. I wasn't expecting to be stuck in a rut like this for so long, especially considering it was already January, but I just couldn't stop thinking about what the holidays would have been like with her here, if Dawson and I would've still been together and I would've had my little family. It was during November I fell back to wearing the dog tags, because even thought Amelia and Jayden tried their hardest to help me through it, Nick as well, no one other than Dawson would have been able to understand my pain, and wearing his dog tags made it feel like he was still close by and with me. Kinda shitty considering I was in some form of relationship with Nick but he understood. He didn't know about the dog tags but he got that Dawson was the only one who could relate to something as serious as this.

When five o'clock rolled around, I was able to release a deep breath, trying to find the will to just allow myself to relax. I needed a break from this story and I was more than glad I had requested tomorrow off because I had an eye appointment to go to. It was time for a new frame of glasses and a stronger prescription.

Looking at my phone, I bit my lip upon realizing I had completely zoned out the entire day, too transfixed by my job for the story and the emotions I kept festering inside to even think about replying to anyone that had texted me throughout the day. I read Amelia's texts first, quickly responding to her before I moved onto mine and Nick's thread.

"Hi best friend, so sorry I didn't text you today. It was a pretty busy day here in the DMN bat cave. It's okay that you can't make it to my apartment tonight. I'm going out with the team anyways bc we could all use the drinks. Say hi to Jayden for me and enjoy y'all's date (black heart emoji)."

"Hi love, I would love to come over tonight but it won't be until late. The team and I are going out for the night. I'll let you know when I'm on the way? (Kissy face emoji)"

After texting back the two important people in my life, I walked out of the newsroom with the team, walking to Elouise's car so that we could carpool and head out for a fun time. The dinner was amazing, as to be expected considering we went to a local restaurant downtown, but I was looking forward to going to the bar and drinking some whiskey straight. It's definitely what this Sagittarius needed.

At the bar, we all sat in a back booth, talking and enjoying ourselves while we could. Slowly the amount of us there began to lessen, and when Elouise hooked up with a rather handsome bachelor, I couldn't deprive my coworker from being with him. Ensuring her I would get an Uber back to the newsroom so that I could pick up my car, she left with Mr. Hot Shot and I was all alone, on my second glass of whiskey straight, in a bar that I frequented too much.

Moving from the booth to the bar, I sat in the only open stool, keeping my tab open because now that I was alone and in my thoughts, the drinks were going to need to keep coming. I just had to make sure I was going to be coherent enough to get an Uber when the time came. Watching one of the games on the TV, I focused on it as best as I could, now on my fourth glass of whiskey which I chugged down straight.

"Let me go ahead and get another Bill."

"Now Isabel, slow your role. You're a regular but just because ya are doesn't mean I'm going to treat ya any different."

"C'mon Bill, just one more glass? What about a Jack and Coke?"

"Fine. One Jack and Coke and then straight water from the remainder of the night. Got it?"

"You're the best."

With my fifth glass of whiskey in front of me, I tried to push back the emotions that were making their way forward. I needed someone here with me, someone to distract me from everything but I wasn't about to pull Amelia away from her date with Jayden and I most certainly wasn't going to call Nick. He didn't know I could shoot whiskey straight, let alone that I was a regular at a bar, and I didn't want him to find out now.

Guess it's just Isabel party of one for the rest of the night, huh?

 

[Lexus]

Dawson​

After catching up with the rest of the Convingtons, there was still one more person left to see, my best friend, Jayden. Yes, even though our friendship remained rocky after how my relationship with Isabel came to an end and then fleeing on top of it, Jayden was more than displeased with my actions and I understood that. He had every right to. Isabel was his friend, and he was just trying to protect her from being unhappy, and considering he and Amelia were very much a thing now, as I learned gradually through the letters we wrote back and forth. I couldn't blame him for taking what I said to the woman he loved to heart. Given how quick he was to come to her defense when he finally decided to come clean about their relationship, it was easy to tell Jayden was head over heels for her. I could only hope, given our nasty last encounter, Amelia wouldn't look at me in utter disgust when I showed up at Jayden's to say my hellos. Just like Jayden, she had every reason to resent me, but I didn't want to start this new chapter back at home out on the wrong foot.

Thinking about all the ways it could go wrong on my drive from Fort Worth to Dallas (TAKE ME BACK PLEASE), I cranked up the radio a few notches, humming the tune to Speechless, once again my thoughts drifting to Isabel. Of course, I knew to go to Dallas meant if I knew my Isabel, she was probably still living there, meaning we would be in the same city, but I despite the lurking temptation, I wasn't going to give in. I wasn't going to ask about her to Jayden, and I for sure as hell was not going to ask Amelia. I didn't deserve to know. I lost that privilege a year ago.

Pulling into Jayden's apartment complex, I got down from the truck, fixing my uniform out of habit before I made my way to his door, knocking firmly, not thinking to consider he might not be around until it was already too late, I was already here and didn't think to call beforehand because I wanted to catch my dear friend off guard. It's what we were both notorious for doing to each other after all.

 

[isax]

Jayden​

Over the year I've been focusing my attention on the only woman who captured my heart the way she did. Her and work. Since we started dating, I did everything I could to keep her, reassuring her every chance I got that she was my everything and the only person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Whether it was through some flowers being sent to her office at work, taking her out for a quick lunch or grabbing coffee in the morning when our shifts didn't match up, I did everything with a smile and no regrets.

With Isabel focusing most of her time at work now that she was back on track to being a successful journalist, her and Amelia hung out once every week. That day was usually on Fridays and I respected that. Whenever I came to Amelia's apartment after a long but boring day shift, I would come baring bottles of wine and a tray of cheese for Amelia with a pack of strawberries for Isabel. It was my peace offering to them for crashing their time together but Isabel never did mind. I enjoyed being at Amelia's apartment with her more than my own and I felt like we were slowly on the track of living under the same roof together.

In March, I surprised Amelia with a trip to DC after finding out her deep love for that city and hearing her tell me she didn't think she was ever going to get to live there and work for The Post. I didn't like the sad expression in her eyes when she told me, so I found some time in both our schedules and took her for a little getaway. I was able to pull some strings and get her a tour at The Post and seeing her take in the newsroom was breathtaking. It made me wish that I could give her the one thing she wanted for herself: Living in DC.

The trip was more than relaxing and seeing Amelia actually get the chance to unwind and relax was refreshing. Oh, and having her all to myself was pretty awesome as well.

After the discussion about our families at Spaghetti Warehouse with Isabel and Nick, I knew my Vixen wasn't too thrilled with the information I dropped on her. Amelia was very big on family, something I admired her for after seeing how her family treated her and viewed her. She was stronger than I ever would have been if I were in that situation. I wasn't surprised when I found out she contacted my parents, forcing me to make a FaceTime call with them one night after work. It was a small step in the small direction. I wasn't ready to step foot back in Chicago and Amelia understood that, but now that I was working on mending the relationship with my parents that I broke with my sudden move, I knew my girl wasn't going to stop just yet. I knew getting me back in that crime-filled city was her goal, and I couldn't say I was totally against it. I did miss my mom and dad, and they were more than ready to meet the woman I knew I would spend forever with.

Dawson and I still spoke to each other while he was away. We wrote letters but I never once mentioned that to Isabel. She seemed to be doing well with Nick and whatever they had so I didn't want to set her back, plus if I did tell her, my best friend would've killed me. Our relationship was still a bit rocky but after receiving countless letters from him over the year, I could tell he changed just through what he wrote. I never once thought Dawson would turn into a man like what he is now but I was happy for him, now actually believing this deployment was what he needed.

Smiling when Amelia walked into my apartment, I got up from the couch and greeted her, taking her into my arms while giving her a loving kiss. When we pulled away, I kissed her neck playfully before letting her go, following her to the kitchen. Our date for the night was a stay-in date, ones I came to notice Amelia enjoyed much more. It gave me a chance to show off my cooking skills and it became something we did together. I cooked and she baked, and let me tell you, her deserts are to die for.

"I was thinking of making a classic Italian dish tonight. How does spaghetti and meatballs sound?" I asked her softly, taking everything I would need out from the fridge so that I could get started on the meatballs. When I heard a knock at the door however, I was confused. We weren't expecting anyone else.

"Coming!" I called out, running to the door and opening it quickly. When I saw who was standing on the other side of it, I couldn't help but release a chuckle, shaking my head before I took him into a hug.

"Only you would show up unannounced like this Covington. When the hell did you get in?" I asked my best friend, taking the sight of him in. He was in full uniform, had a military haircut, and carried himself in a different manner. He wasn't the same man that called my girlfriend a manipulative whore and yelled at Isabel when she refused to marry him.

Hearing Amelia's footsteps make her way to the door, I bit my lip, feeling anxious about what was going to happen. Amelia knew I wrote letters to Dawson over the year, and she knew that I told him about us in one of them, but considering how vile the last time they were together was, I was unsure about what would happen now. Looking over at Amelia when she stood at the door, I smiled sheepishly, hoping this didn't go to hell.

Please God, help me in any way that you can.

 

[Lexus]

Dawson ​

When the door opened and I saw Jayden's grin, my look of hesitation and slight dread turned. Accepting the hug from my buddy, I wrapped an arm around his back and hit him playfully, chucking at his giddiness to see me standing here, just like everyone else so far he was handling his shock that I was once again home.

"I got back this morning, I thought I would test my luck and see if a busy man like you was home tonight, looks like I got lucky huh." The silence lingered between us for a moment before I heard the soft footsteps of who I assumed to be Amelia. At the thought of her presence, my heart catapulted into my throat.

Oh no. Here we go.

There she was, standing here in a little red dress, a few buttons lining down her chest, her hair perfectly straight, and her lips lined red with a hint of eye makeup I had no idea what it was called, but she looked pristine and put together, and unlike the last time I saw her, before I insulted her, the woman standing next to Jayden, gripping his arm, seemed alive. There was a light in her eyes that wasn't there before and I didn't take notice to it until just now when I realized how dead she looked to me in the past. It made me wonder what she had been through to cause a change. Was it Jayden? Again, it wasn't my place to know, so I didn't press it, but I did take notice to the difference and how beautiful she was. Everything Jayden said about her in the letters was true. She was just a naturally stunning woman and the thing that got Jayden was she was completely oblivious to that fact.

I was sure when she saw me her soft gaze would revert to rage, but when it didn't I shook in my boots more than I would have had she gave me what I believed I deserved. She just looked at me, offered a smile I could feel in my bones was genuine, and letting go of Jayden with one hand, offered it out to me in greeting.

"Welcome home, Dawson, thank you for your service," her voice as soft as her gaze, her motive still uncertain to me, but because Jayden was standing right there and because I didn't want to instigate a fight, I accepted her handshake, taking her delicate hand firmly and squeezing it, nodding at her thanks.

Amelia​

"Do you want to come in? It's still cold out there," I asked politely, letting go of Jayden, I made way for Dawson to enter. "Can I get you anything? We were just about to make dinner, maybe a sweet tea or something. you probably forgot what it tastes like," I teased before going to the kitchen to grab a glass when Dawson agreed.

I knew my demeanor would catch both men off guard, one could assume I was acting this way out of spite because of the last time Dawson and I encountered each other and what he did to my best friend before he left. but truth be told, regardless of Dawson's past with Isabel, Isabel had moved on from that, meaning, I had moved on from it too. Name calling was also something that didn't phase me for long, I had nearly been called every name in the book by my own blood, so Dawson adding another name to the list didn't do as much damage as he believed he did. It hurt Jayden and Isabel more than it had me. The biggest factor though, I knew what Dawson was hiding from everyone else.

I knew Jayden and Dawson wrote letters over the year Dawson was deployed, Jayden vaguely mentioned what they talked about, Jayden's shifts, our blossoming relationship, the trips we took, the things Jayden was looking forward to throughout the year, but when he mentioned that Dawson rarely talked about life out on the field, and rather asked for updates for everyone else at home, making casual conversation about the fighter jets and the guys he was fighting with, I knew Dawson was dealing with the unimaginable and he didn't want anyone else to know. I did the same thing in the letters I wrote home to Jayden and Isabel during my time in Guatemala, to distract myself from witnessing child starvation, death, and village corruption, I made small talk in my letters as a way to escape reality. It worked, but not for long.

My hunch, of course, was a reason for concern, I knew what Dawson was susceptible to out there, and despite my harsh feelings towards him in the beginning, I would never wish what I went through upon anyone, let alone my best friend's one love and Jayden's best friend. Over the year, my worry for him grew, to the point where my hunch ate at me so much, I read Dawson's letters to Jayden when Jayden wasn't home. I hoped, after reading them, my fright that Dawson's mind was suffering was false, but it did the opposite. War had gotten to Dawson the same way civilian tragedy got to me and when I had the epiphany, I cried myself to sleep that night while Jayden worked the night shift, but I never told Jayden or Isabel what I knew because it would break them both. They had already gone through knowing how I suffered, they didn't need to go through it again until Dawson came to terms with it on his own.

 

[isax]

Jayden​

Amelia's reaction was more than unexpected, it was surprising and I didn't know what to do about it. All I could do was stay quiet when she spoke to Dawson as soft as she did and when she invited him in, I was even more confused. That was the last thing I was expecting her to do considering what her last encounter with Dawson was like, but nonetheless, I followed both her and Dawson in once she made room for him to walk in.

Glancing at Dawson, we both gave each other the same surprised expression before Amelia brought him the sweet tea he agreed to. Smiling at her softly, I pulled her into my arms and kissed her forehead before walking back to the kitchen to continue making the meatballs.

"We were just starting to make the spaghetti and there's more than enough for you as well. Amelia was also going to bake some brownies which are to die for. If you should stay for anything its her deserts." I added off of what Amelia had mentioned earlier. I didn't want Dawson to feel like he wasn't welcome here and despite the fact that Amelia and I were supposed to be on a date, I could tell with how Amelia was being with Dawson she knew something I didn't. It didn't have to do with Isabel but rather what he saw at the war, and now that I was thinking about it, I could only assume the worse of what it was, but if there was anyone who could help my best friend with that, it was Amelia.

 

[Lexus]

Dawson​

Thanking Amelia for the sweet tea, I took my usual seat at the island, sipping it slowly. Amelia was right, the taste remained familiar, but in the same sense was foreign. like my taste buds were struggling to remember what this drink was. After nothing but water and juice, sweet tea sure did make its way out of my diet unintentionally as a side effect of war.

"This is good, perfectly sweet," I replied setting the glass on the marble counter, watching the couple dance around the kitchen in a hurry in effort to try and entertain me now that I was present, interfering with their original plans. Shaking my head at Jayden.

"It's okay, I'll get out of y'all's way, I don't want to continue to interpret whatever you had going on."

Before I could finish my sentence, I watched Amelia take her phone and walked out onto the balcony before she came back inside in the same minute and grabbed her jean jacket, sharing a look with Jayden before he made his way over to her and they whispered something between them, before Amelia turned her gaze back to me offering me the same smile.

"What's up?" I asked curiously sipping the sweet tea nervously now.

"No worries, Dawson, something just came up and I have to go handle it, it's not your fault, but I do have to go, please stay with Jayden, I don't want the food to go to waste and I'm sure he would enjoy your company, There's already some brownies in the fridge, I made them earlier, they're my favorite, they have a fudge middle. I hope I get to see you again."

"I'm sure you will," I reassured Amelia before I waved in farewell, watching Jayden walk her out. I hoped whatever she had to "handle" wasn't anything too serious.

Amelia​

Isabel was acting out again, this time, I wasn't sure why, but I knew her time at the bar with her colleagues took a turn for the worst considering Bill called me from her phone to ask me to take her home. According to him she had too many drinks and was now there alone, no idea where her friends wandered off to, and now was trying to leave with some random guy. Thanking Bill for the call, I rushed off to go retrieve Isabel. I knew Jayden wouldn't protest, he never had, and with Dawson visiting, I didn't feel guilty for calling the dinner off for now. Of course, before I scurried out, I promised to make it up to him, but as always, he told me not to worry about it.

"Where is she?" I asked Bill, walking up to the bar, not seeing her. "You didn't let her leave with him did you?" I asked trying to conceal my panic at the thought. "How much did she drink?" I needed to know what to expect, but before Bill could answer me I had a guy at my hip. glaring at him, I stepped closer to the bar and further away from him.

"I'm here to pick someone up, don't get the wrong idea, my boyfriend's a sergeant, you can call him if you don't believe me," I remarked sternly pulling one of his cards out of my purse. He made me do it after he watched grungy men approach me in the past. At first, I found the move to be a little ridiculous, but over time, it became quite hilarious, given there was no ring on my finger, it was his way of validating himself in his absence. Which I appericated, because I didn't want the ring in the first place.

 

[isax]

Jayden​

When Amelia went out onto the balcony to take a phone call, I watched her body language, seeing her instantly tense up. I knew that call wasn't a good one the minute she walked back in and when she came over to me and told me who it was, I shook my head at the revelation. Isabel was spiraling again and this time, Amelia and I couldn't figure out why. It started when November came around, but since then she kept it under control. She hadn't gone overboard like this until now and there was no way it could have been because of Dawson. She didn't know he was back, did she?

"Well, I don't know about you but I'm still in the mood for spaghetti. You can stay if you want, no one is forcing you. We can catch up. You've missed a lot in the year that you were gone."

Isabel​

If I were being honest with you, I wasn't sure what the hell I was actually doing right now after that fifth glass of whiskey. After I finished it, this man with vibrant hazel eyes came over to me and started talking me up while I started sipping on the water Bill gave to me. We had a nice conversation going, and when one of the dancing country songs came on, I let him take me from the bar to the center of the dance floor where we swayed back and forth together. After that we made our way to the back booth I was at before and that's when he asked me to go home with him. I said yes, not really thinking about anything else, mainly because I couldn't. It wasn't until I saw someone walk over to us in a red dress that I was able to comprehend some of what I was doing.

Hearing her sharp voice made me sit up straight, groaning instantly upon realizing it was Amelia. "Shit." I said out loud, watching as the guy from before left the booth and it was just my best friend and I. Looking over at her with a knowing expression, the kind children give their parents when they get caught, I sighed before laying out on the couch.

"Best friend, hiiiiiii," I said in a bubbly giggle. "What're you doing here? I thought you and Jayden were having a date tonight."

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

"I'm surprised you remember anything," I muttered grabbing Isabel's arm. "Vamos!" Bringing Isabel to her feet, I did my best to keep myself composed, but this was getting old. Watching her spiral past what she could handle and then drowning herself in Whiskey to the point she forgot where she was and who she was with. It was difficult for me to watch, but I came every time, because, despite Isabel's decline, she still needed to know she had someone she could count on when she let herself go. I knew from the five glasses of whiskey she conned Bill out of, she wouldn't remember much, if anything, meaning, I couldn't just drop her off at home and leave her there, she needed me to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit. That's where she was, again. Once I got her back to the car, I texted Jayden to let him know how bad it was and that I would be taking my anchor home with me for the night.

I wanted to be angry with her, I wanted to ask her how stupid she was, if she knew what could have happened had I not shown up to rescue her again, but I knew it was all pointless, she wouldn't remember and a part of me felt I had no right to judge her, she had been through more than I had, losing your boyfriend and daughter, was a lot to take in, but Dawson left a year ago and it had been two since Olivia passed, I was starting to have the thought that it was more than time to move on, but everyone grieved differently, and Isabel always struggled with moving on, no matter the circumstance, this wasn't any different.

"Let's go, child," I said, helping Isabel out of the car and into my apartment. I knew this was going to be the beginning of a long night because that's usually how these went.

Pulling some of her clothes for her drawer in my room, I handed them off to her, laughing when she struggled to change into them before she finally gave in and let me help her.

"You're a mess, Bel." Sitting on the bed with her while I scrolled through my phone, I listened to her ramble, like she thought it made sense and waited for the inevitable, her stomach to betray her. I knew it was only a matter of time before Jayden showed up when Dawson left, but that didn't happen I handled the worst of it and Isabel was already dead asleep sprawled out in my bed. When Jayden and I made eye contact, I turned away from him, tears swelling my eyes, I tried to avoid it, but I couldn't, biting my lip, I shook my head when he took me into his arms asking me what was wrong.

Catching my breath, I kept my eyes forced closed against his chest.

"I just want her back, Jayden. I want my best friend back."

Isabel was not a burden to me, whatever she needed as many times as she needed it, I was there, but it hurt me to watch her go through this. To know I had not the slightest inclination of what she was enduring in her head because I never went through it myself was unfamiliar to me. I couldn't help her. I never lost a child. I didn't know what to do to help her, but this wasn't okay.

"She deserves better and I can't stand seeing her suffer like this."

 

[isax]

Jayden​

Dinner with Dawson was good. I finished making the spaghetti and meatballs for the both of us and then afterwards we splurged on some vanilla ice cream accompanied with Amelia's brownies. We spent the time catching up, talking about what he missed while he was away. He briefly told me about what he saw out on tour, but didn't describe it much, just a quick couple sentences. I could tell he didn't want me to know what he saw. I could tell now that deep down there was something hindering him and it was doing so mentally. I wanted to pry, but I knew if I did, it wouldn't have ended well, so I opted not to, just letting him control the conversation how he wanted.

I spent most of the time focusing on Dawson but when Amelia texted me and let me know she was taking Isabel to her apartment, I knew then and there this was much more serious than she and I wanted. Releasing a soft sigh, I looked up at my best friend who looked at me with a concerned expression, but he held back from asking what I knew he wanted to know. He hadn't asked about her, but I knew deep down he wanted to know about Isabel. He knew he lost that right but I felt like maybe right now they were what they both needed.

Get real, Jay. She's moved on and so has Dawson. Plus Isabel has Nick.

When Dawson left I was quick to grab my things, heading straight for Amelia's house because I knew she was going to need me and I wanted to ensure I could help with Isabel if needed. By the time I got to the apartment however, Isabel was already passed out, but I found my girlfriend in the living room, and all we had to do was share one look for me to understand what she was feeling.

Closing the door, I quickly made my way over to her, taking her in my arms tightly while she kept her eyes closed and the tears continued to fall. I knew how Amelia felt regarding the spiral Isabel put herself back in. I knew the love of my life wanted nothing but the best for Isabel, we both did, but I also knew neither Amelia nor I understood what Isabel was going through. Two years ago Isabel didn't just lose a child, she also lost her boyfriend, the only other person who could understand her grieving.

"Shh, I know my love. I know. She'll be okay, I swear. She just needs time. I know it's been two years but she grieves differently from all of us and the only other person who can understand her isn't in her life anymore. She's a strong woman. She'll be alright. We just have to keep being there for her. She'll get through it."

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

"Everyone keeps saying that!" I exclaimed in a frustrated whisper. "Yeah, she'll get through it, because it's all she knows how to do, you don't understand that it's always been one thing after the other and she hardly gets a break before life throws her another piece of shit curveball. Nothing has ever come easy for her, Jayden. She's fought for everything, and even the strongest people, they break eventually," I said lifting my head from his chest, clutching the pillow in my lap.

"She just needs one thing to go right, one thing, without making her feel like it was her fault it didn't turn out. Do you know why she can't move on from Olivia? Why we can't even say her name, Jayden? It's because no matter how many people I've taken her to see, doctors, other people I know who have been through the same unimaginable thing, who have all told her it isn't her fault, she won't believe them. To her, that's always going to be her fault and she's going to live with that burden on her the rest of her life. That was supposed to be the one thing that went right for her. She knew when she had kids, she was going to do it right, they would be the one thing she put her all in and would love her unconditionally. But that went to shit now that she thinks she's not even adequate enough to bring another life into this world. You'll never know what that's like, and neither will I because that's not something I ever wanted. But you have to know as her friend, Dawson isn't what broke her, that woman in there, when she's confident enough, she doesn't need a rich white boy, she kept him in her life because he made her happy. there's a difference, she can find a different man, as she has, but there is no replacing a child. She's not okay, and there's no guarantee she ever will be so I really wish y'all would quit saying that. It makes her feel like she has to be strong all the time just to please everyone else, and that feeling, it's exhausting, it really is. I just want her by some miracle to have a second chance at the life she wants, without having to jump through hoops to prove herself worthy, and not feel guilty about it, because she's more than earned it. She deserves to be happy, not just act like it. You've never seen her when she's actually happy, and I'm not sure I have either, if we're being honest, but I've been working towards it for 12 years, but by the sounds of it and the journal she kept for me, that year she went on tour, she sounded happy Before they lost her, of course."

 

[isax]

Jayden​

Everything Amelia said about Isabel was something I never thought of nor took into consideration, and it mainly had to do with the fact that I never took the time to look at what she was going through in a different angle. I didn't know Isabel as long as Amelia did, didn't now everything the journalist has gone through to get where she is in life, didn't know all the trials she faced. I only heard about them, didn't go through them with her, and I was one of the many people Isabel fooled with her "happy" demeanor.

Releasing a deep sigh, I held Amelia's hand in my own, rubbing my thumb on the back of her hand, letting the silence consume us for a little bit longer. All I could do was pray that one day Isabel was able to find the true happiness she deserved considering life has done nothing but continue to beat the shit out of her. She was a strong woman but Amelia was right, strong people break too.

The Next Morning
Isabel​

Waking up with the sun in my face, I groaned, rolling over from my stomach to my back, opening my eyes to find myself not in my own apartment but Amelia's. The minute I was aware of my surroundings, my head began pounding. With another groan, I threw myself back on the bed and covered my face with a pillow. The pain setting in wasn't just a headache but rather a migraine and I couldn't blame anyone but myself because of it.

I couldn't even remember what the hell happened last night. I knew I went out with the team, we grabbed dinner, went to a bar, I drank a little more than I should have, and then I was alone because I think Elouise found herself a hot Dallas bachelor. I most certainly didn't remember Amelia picking me up and bringing me back to the apartment but feeling something rise up from my chest, I quickly jumped out of bed and found myself hugging the toilet while I hurled up my entire stomach, throat burning.

When I heard the door to the bathroom open, I looked over at Amelia and sighed, flushing the toilet and wiping my mouth with a paper towel before I stood up and cleaned off my hands. Wincing at the impact of the light, I didn't say anything just yet because I was scared Amelia was going to let me have it.

"Good morning best friend. I'm going to be honest and tell you I don't remember much from last night. I don't know how I got here and I feel like shit but could definitely go for some Whata because I'm hungry. I also don't think I'll get through my eye appointment so I'll reschedule that."

Pulling my hair up into a bun, I reached for the toothbrush that I had here, brushing my teeth to get the ugly ass taste of throw up out of my mouth. As I was spiting out the foam in my mouth, I reached up and touched my neck, instantly feeling my heart drop when I didn't find the dog tags there. Quickly looking at Amelia, I felt the panic settling in. I knew everyone viewed what happened with Dawson and I as something in the past, I did too, considering I had Nick, but with how shitty I've been feeling, how alone in the emotions I was buried in, those dog tags kept me sane. Feeling like Dawson was with me kept me sane.

"Where are the dog tags?" I asked frantically.

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

"Best friend, relax," I whispered dangling them in front of her before I handed them back to her. "They set you off when you're out of it and I got tired of explaining," I whispered. "Finish getting ready and we'll go."

Jayden already left earlier in the morning for his shift, and I hardly slept as most come to know, but since last night, I had a lot on my mind. But I pushed it aside, I wasn't going to get angry with Bel this time because it wasn't worth it, I would just give the same lecture I knew she was tired of hearing, and I the truth was I was incapable of being angry this time.

Offering a smile before I turned away when I did, I went for the closet to try and find something to wear for myself, biting my lip, I left my heart beating so rapidly against my chest, I felt it in my ears, but I took a deep breath and gathered myself. Isabel was good at acting, but I was even better. Settling on a plain chunky sweater and light washed jeans, I threw on black Toms and grabbed my purse, running into the living room for my phone before I forgot it. Clutching my steel water bottle, I drank the room temperature water, waiting for Isabel to finish getting ready. When she made her way out of the room, I couldn't help but tease her, I had to.

"Are you going to make it, or do I have to call Jayden to carry you again?"

 

[isax]

Isabel​

Taking the dog tags from Amelia, I set them back around my neck, thankful to have them with me for another trying day ahead. It wasn't going to be trying because of whatever Amelia threw at me, whether it be another lecture that I was quite frankly tired of hearing, or some other form of scolding. There was also the option that she wouldn't say anything at all and that scared me just a little more than receiving the usual lecture. I knew I needed to be upfront with her about my emotions, even if she couldn't quite understand it, but I needed to tell someone.

"Thanks," I whispered softly, finding the strength to make it out of the bathroom and straight to her room where I was quick to throw something together out of the clothes I had here. Considering I still felt like shit, I opted to throw on some black leggings that I had here, a chunky red sweater and some Nikes I found that I left here awhile back. Sighing softly, I looked at myself in the mirror, making a disgust face at how I looked. "Dear God, I look like death."

Fixing my hair as best as I could, and putting on some studs with all my rings and charm bracelet, I sprayed perfume all over me before I walked back out into the living room where Amelia was already waiting for me, rolling my eyes at her shot of teasing.

"Haha, very funny. I'm not drunk anymore just def feeling the hangover." Grabbing my purse, I smiled gently, looking down at the tags and quickly tucking them under my shirt. "Alright, let's go. Everything we get today is on me considering I gave you hell last night. I'm really sorry about that."

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

"Don't worry about it, you don't owe me anything," I replied with a knowing glare. "Stop apologizing, Isabel. Let's go eat, but first, coffee."

Dragging Isabel to Jayden and I's spot, I picked up my usual morning order, shaking my head at Lindsey when she said Jayden already took care of it. Of course he did, he's still such a romantic. Gross. Lol, just kidding, I actually dig it, a lot.

"How nice of him, pay it forward for his next boring order then," I replied, fighting Isabel when she tried to shove her card in front of mine. "Knock it off before I tell you what actually happened last night," I said taking my card back from Lindsey and throwing the spare $5 I had in my purse in the tip jar while I waited for my vanilla latte.

"Are you still set on Whata or do you want to eat somewhere else?"

 

[isax]

Isabel​

Upon arriving at Amelia and Jayden's spot for coffee, I followed her inside, instantly wishing we were in the Bishop Arts District so that I could go to Local Brew + Press. Right now coffee wasn't appealing but one of their juices was the cure that I needed. After Amelia ordered her coffee, I ordered a cup of Earl Grey, laughing softly when Lindsey said Jayden already paid Amelia's coffee forward. What the two did here was cute and romantic and I knew even if my best friend never admitted it, she loved what they did.

After a failed attempt at trying to pay for my tea, I let out an annoyed sigh, following Amelia to the end as we waited for her latte and my tea. With my head still pounding, I just wished I had my medication with me so it could ease up and stop.

"I honestly don't care. Considering all of my stomach contents were hurled up through the night, I would like to fill it back up. Whata is fine or we can go get wings. Wings sound good too," I said with a smile. "Plus it'll be on me."

I couldn't stop thinking about what Amelia said a few moments ago. She threatened to tell me what actually happened.

What the hell happened then? I don't know if I actually want to know.

 

[Lexus]

OOC: Didn't even get a juice but keeps writing about them.

Amelia​

Trying not to gag at Isabel's truth of emptying her stomach. I turned away from her for a second, putting my mouth into the bend of elbow to catch my breath.

"Gross," I whispered when I recomposed myself.

When Lindsey returned with our orders I smiled and thanked her. "Hey Linds, can you give this to Jayden for me when you see him?" I asked, a glisten in my eye as I passed on the folded note, knowing Lindsey read the notes between us. When she agreed I thanked her happily before Isabel and I made our way to an early lunch.

Lindsey​

When Amelia handed me the note, I knew something was up between her and Jayden, since they made things official between them, the notes weren't as frequent and were only passed in effort to make up for an argument, to remind one of them they could get through whatever they were going through at work. birthdays, holidays, things like that. So whenever they did ask me to play messenger, I was happy to do it. It reminded me there was still some good in the world when I seemed to forget.

"Yes ma'am, I can do that for ya," I agreed happily. "Have a nice day, ladies," I replied in farewell waiting for Amelia to depart before I unfolded the piece of paper from her reporter's notebook, I grinned sheepishly, folding the note back up and hiding it in my back pocket for Jayden when he made his appearance.

Later that afternoon, when a uniformed Jayden walked through the cafe door, half paying attention while taking a call as he made his way to the front of the line, I waited until he ended the call to serve him his plain black coffee.

"How's your day, officer?" I asked curiously, but by the expression on his face, it wasn't a good day. "Rough shift, huh? This might cheer you up," I said softly pulling the note from my apron, and handing it to Jayden with his coffee, shaking my head when Jayden tried to hand off his card.

"It's been taken care of, read the note," I said pointing towards the folded up paper in Jayden's hand.

Jay,

I guess I should "spill the beans" that we're expecting!"

 

[isax]

OOC: Bc I wish I had, okay.

Jayden​

My shift was more than rough. I liked the night shifts because of the action, well, whenever that action happened, and considering I spent all night filling out traffic accident reports, I wanted nothing more than to never touch another report in my life and just sleep. I just had to be the first responder to not only one but two accidents last night, and with a shaken up child, I felt kinda shitty that I couldn't go with him in the ambulance and calm him down like he wanted, even more so because we all knew his mother died instantly.

Taking a call while walking into the usual spot for coffee, I focused on only the call, groaning and quickly hanging up when I could. I knew I was now off but was an officer ever really "off''? The answer is no, we never are, but I still loved what I did for a living.

Getting to the front, I thanked Lindsey when she handed me the usual bland cup of black coffee, trying to hand over my card but shaking my head when she denied it, saying Amelia had already paid it forward.

"More than a rough day, that's for sure." I said with a groan, taking the note when she gave it to me, confused by the folded up paper now resting in my hand. Since Amelia and I made things official, we hardly passed notes. Usually I was the one to start passing them again, but only because it was whenever I upset her and we were arguing.

"Then pay hers forward, please." I said with a gentle smile, handing her the card yet again and tipping her the only five dollar bill I had in my wallet. "Thanks for the coffee, Linds."

Walking away from the front of the line, I went to sit at the usual table, sipping the strong liquid before I opened the note, reading what it said. Gasping to myself, I read the note three more times, and instantly I began to smile from ear to ear, hiding back the tears of joy. Amelia and I were expecting, and I couldn't be more ecstatic. Pulling out my phone, I took a picture of the note before typing out a message to Amelia in our thread.

"What a punny way to tell me that we're expecting. I love you so much, Amelia. When did you find out? Are you and the baby healthy?— Also, how's your day going with Isabel?"

Tucking my phone back in my pocket, I got up from the table, pushing my chair in and walking out to my car, making the drive home so that I could finish this cup of joe and knock the fuck out once I laid in bed. My entire body was sore and my head hurt. I wanted to check up on the girls but I didn't have the energy to do so. Especially considering that I had to go back to work in a few hours.

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

Since dropping the note off with Lindsey, a sense of relief washed over me that someone else in the world knew what I was keeping. Originally, I planned to tell Jayden last night at dinner but plans quickly changed. Knowing I couldn't keep it from him until whenever I saw him next, I just wrote it in a note so we would be on the same page. It's not what I wanted, but as much as I hated to admit it to myself, No part of this situation is anything I wanted. This news, no shocker, wasn't planned and threw me in my own spiral since I confirmed the pregnancy yesterday. I wasn't ready to be a mom, and Jayden and I were only together a year, it was too soon to be making long-lasting decisions about a family together. But there was no preventing it now, and watching what Isabel was going through validated that I couldn't treat this as an inconvenience when anyone else would consider it good news.

I wanted to tell Isabel, as I did with everything else in my life, but the guilt I felt knowing she was still grieving over her lost chance at motherhood. and I was coming to terms with being thrown into it, I knew to confide in her about my dissatisfaction with the news was a bitch move. When Jayden texted me the picture, I read the message, sighing to myself, he replied as though this news was something casual, nothing serious like bringing another person into our equation. I didn't take it out on him though, I knew he was tired, after a long night out in the streets again, and he only had a few hours before he was expected to be back out there again. Leaving the message alone for now, knowing Jayden would be asleep before he would reply, I didn't touch my phone. This was a conversation we needed to have when we were together.

Not to my surprise, Bel and I ended up back picking up one of her abstract juices before we found a quiet spot to talk. I knew by bringing me here she had things on her best she wanted to get off her chest. As always, I skipped out on the juice and settled for one of the cupcakes left in the display case, today it was plain chocolate.

"What's up?" I asked casually, you're being too quiet today."

 

[isax]

Isabel​

The more I fell into my thoughts, the more I needed to talk about them. The entire time with Amelia I not only wondered about what happened the night before, but I also kept thinking about Olivia and how things could have been so different from what they are now. I was also thinking about Dawson, wondering if he was safe, if he thought about me too or did he move on like I had.

Can you really say you moved on considering you started thinking about him again?

Releasing a deep sigh, the thoughts began to overwhelming, and all I could resort to was taking Amelia and I to my spot for coffee, needing the best juice option to cure a hangover. Sitting in the same spot Amelia and I had sat at our first time here, I took a big sip of the juice, sighing after I did when I heard Amelia mention I hadn't spoken much today.

"Just got a lot on my mind, ya know?" I said softly, staring at the glass bottle with my black colored juice. "Thinking about this story, about Olivia, about Dawson. I'm in a spiral again and it sucks. I just don't get it, Best Friend. It's been two years since everything happened, ya know? Two years since I lost Olivia and her dad. I don't know why this is bothering me so much still but it is and it's annoying. I even resorted to wearing the dog tags again. How shitty is that for Nick? I'm just a hot mess."

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

Sighing, I looked onto Isabel with my deepest sympathy, but I couldn't help but shake my head.

"Isabel, you need to stop dwelling on the past, you wishing you could change things, doesn't change them, You're so transfixed on what you could have had, that you're completely oblivious to the potential that is in front of you. I don't know what you and Nick agreed to be, that isn't my business, but I do know you're not over Dawson, obviously and that isn't fair to Nick," Staring her straight in the eye, I bit my lip, letting her process what was happening before I continued.

"Best friend, I think you need to go see someone. I think it would help you move on. I'm tired of watching you wallow in your misery every time you get the the chance. You are entitled to your grief, you're right that I can't understand it, but you can find someone who does and talk to them. I can refer you to someone, she helped me and if you don't want to go by yourself, I can ask Dawson if he wants to go with you. He just got back last night, and this stays between us, but he didn't walk away from deployment unscathed. You aren't alone, so stop acting like carrying all of this on your own is your only option, because it's not, okay?" I knew dropping the news that Dawson was home would be a lot for her to take in, but between Dawson coming home and my own news, I figured Dawson would be less of a trigger. Before Isabel could respond, my overwhelming emotions that now had a valid explanation took control.

"I think you should go see him, Dawson, because I'm not sure how many more times I can take rescuing you from going home with strange men when you get too drunk to remember anything. It's not something I can condone despite what you've gone through. I can't take seeing you like this," I whispered, looking at her, still half drained, the life almost absent from her eyes after her long night out. Wiping away the few tears that managed to trail down my cheeks, I bit my lip.

"You need to do something before you lose yourself completely,"

 

[isax]

Isabel​

Everything Amelia said was a lot for me to take in. It first started when she straight up said I wasn't over Dawson. I hadn't told anyone that, mainly because I had really convinced myself that I had, but these past three months and Amelia's affirmation just made it even more clear that I still had some form of feelings toward the cowboy, and I was beginning to hate it. Amelia was right. I was living in the past, focusing too much on the things I couldn't change. It was something I had the tendency to do ever since I could remember and at a time like this, it was frustrating.

Looking away from Amelia after she gave me her confirmation, I wasn't ready for the bomb she dropped on me next. Hearing her tell me I needed to go see someone was a trigger, it made me cross my arms over my chest and sink further in the booth I was sitting in. My history with therapists weren't the best, and I would be damned if I ever set foot in another office like that. Therapy was a joke and always made things worse for me. Hearing her mention going with Dawson made he laugh sarcastically, dumbfounded that she would suggest something like that when he wasn't even here, but it was all the information she said after this that broke me.

Dawson was back. He came back from war an exact year later. I had no doubt he was soaking in all the love and attention he got from his family, maybe even Josie, but what broke me wasn't his return, but rather knowing he didn't come back unscathed, and by Amelia's suggestion of going to see someone together, I knew it wasn't a physical wound the cowboy was now facing.

Watching the tears fall from Amelia's eyes was the final blow. My entire heart sank and I was quick to go over to her, taking her into a tight embrace as I fought my own tears. I needed to get my shit together and I needed to do this fast because this wasn't fair to Amelia. I knew how to take care of myself. It wasn't fair to her that I was acting out the way I had been.

"I love you, Melia, so much and I'm so sorry that I've put you through my own hell with me. I didn't think it effected you as much as it has. I don't think I'll work up the courage to go see Dawson. I can't. No after I denied to marry him with his entire family there. Setting foot in Fort Worth would be like a death wish but I'll work on myself, I swear. I'll do whatever it takes to be the badass bitch I used to be, okay? I'll get over this slump."

You only hope you do, Anes.

Pulling myself out of this slump wasn't going to be easy, I knew that, but I would do whatever it took to be who I was after Dawson left, better yet, the woman before he came into my life. That was my goal for the year ahead of me and I wanted Amelia to stop worrying about me as much as she did, although I knew that was never going to happen, I didn't want to see her continue being hurt by my actions.

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

My patience was running thin with Isabel. I was doing my best to be considerate of what she was going through, letting her know her feelings toward the circumstances she was enduring were valid, all while voicing my concern was a tricky task to take on without setting her off. Isabel, being the direct individual she is, didn't take it well whenever someone tried to be direct with her in the same way. It was something I grew to hate because in her head, my concern for her well being often meant sharing my overbearing opinions she often found judgemental given her instinct to defend everyone, but the truth was, she had no idea how much I chose to analyze the truth before I conveyed it to her. Often times, I spent days contemplating a controversial topic of conversation before I dared to bring it up. This was often times emotionally taxing, considering her every emotion and thought in my own head before I watched one of the scenarios come to life. She never took them well, and much like now quickly got defensive, this was a wall to hide the fact that she already began to self blame for whatever inconvenience she felt she put me through, and that was never the point I wanted to make. This is why when my patience ran thin and I felt my emotions get the best of me, I dealt with my frustrated crying on my own, in secrecy, if she saw it, it would just be another trigger. Unfortunately, hiding it this time was out of the question.

"This isn't about me, Isabel. It's about you. Nick or Dawson, Fort Worth or Dallas, confident woman, or wasted woman, you need to make a decision before it's too late and there's no going back because, at this point, I can't even help you. Whatever's going on in your head is way beyond me and I can't try to understand. Whatever you need, I'm here to help, you aren't alone, you know better. Just make a choice so I can be there for you. Because it's exhausting watching you suffer going back and forth with what you want. For once, just make a decision that makes you happy and leave it be. You can only dwell on what could have been for so long before you lose the potential in present, and that's no way to live a life, Isabel. Life, as you know, is too precious to waste. I don't think Olivia or Dawson would want you wasting how you get to live the rest of your life, don't disappoint them."

 

[isax]

Isabel​

When Amelia was this straight up with me I instantly became too defensive and said things I began to regret the minute I said them. This was one of those moments, one of the many times I became so defensive and said something I shouldn't have but couldn't take back. I took out everything I had building up on Amelia, and I knew that was shitty, but whenever my last button was pressed, I tend to lose all control of myself.

"No one told you you had to be there through all the shit I've been putting myself through. If this is so exhausting for you then don't be part of it. I'll handle everything myself." I said bitterly, regretting it the moment I did but I couldn't take it back now. Releasing a deep sigh, I stood up, needing to get away and be alone. I didn't want to be around anyone for quite some time. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I'm just gonna head home."

I wish home is where I ended up, but I found myself at the usual bar, drinking my usual choice of liquor. A fat glass of whiskey, straight. I needed it but Bob wasn't letting me have more than one glass. Paying for it after I finished it, I went back to my apartment and got into my own bottles, turning off my phone, refusing to have any form of communication from anyone. I was being dramatic, I knew that, but this is what I did best. Fuck shit up.

You better not get fucked up, Anes. You do have work tomorrow.

 

[Lexus]

Amelia​

I heard words but I didn't process them until after Isabel already impulsively apologized. I knew she regretted it, but it was too late. I already felt her venomous words pierce through my thoughts, decapitating whatever whole thoughts were left, leaving me completely scatterbrained, Not knowing what to say, i just nodded, remaining silent, I let her go, already knowing where she was headed, back to where I found her the night before. Tipping the barista, I swallowed the sour taste in my mouth, apologizing for the scene, before I got into my car, driving home in complete silence, sucking my tongue in between my teeth. By the time Jayden made it home, I was still in a confused daze trying to comprehend what happened. I was so lost in my own head, his excitement threw me off.

Right. I forgot I told him.

Not having the energy to act excited, I just nodded at whatever he asked me, not sure what it was but I assumed he asked if I was excited so I just nodded with a smile before I changed the subject.

"Can you do me a favor and make sure Isabel makes it home okay? She's at the bar again and I'm the last person she wants to see." When Jayden asked what happened, I remained emotionless. "She's just having another bad day and needed t take it out on me. Can you just make sure she gets home, please? I don't want her regretting anything else today."