Sherwood

You should always wear glasses to math class since they help with division.

This janitor I know asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with him. I politely declined, since I just can't handle high maintenance people.

Does the name Quasimodo ring a bell?

I had a hunch that it would.

Anyone here able to tie a rope using telekinesis?

Thought knot.

If you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit", then yes, I've seen opera.

Medical update:

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink. Now I'm in the hospital waiting room, waiting to be seen.

Was the inventor of denim clothing a jeanius?

Do you know which bank an orca uses?

Whales Fargo.

Toilet paper alternative.

Spray Pam between your cheeks and the poop won't stick.

Don't ask how I know this, just trust me.

What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

A laboratory retriever! Ha!

Do you know what the janitor said when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

What weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of Butane?

The water, since Butane is lighter fluid.

In Hawaii, is it ok to give off a loud laugh,

Or just a low Ha?

Milk is the fastest liquid on the planet.

Its pasteurize before you know it

Did you hear about the guy that got in trouble for making a fortune buying stock in Apple?

Turns out it was in cider trading.

Green is my favorite color.

I like it more than blue and yellow combined.

Dartboards on the ceiling are disgusting.

They make me throw up.

Lance is a very uncommon name now days.

In the olden times, people were called Lance a lot.

In the old days, overuse of the comma was considered to be a serious crime.

It usually resulted in a long sentence.

It is very rare for a defibulator to fail, but when it does, no one is shocked.

Recently, I was at a Irish wedding.

At one point, someone yelled out, "All the married men, stand next to the one that has made your life worth living!"

The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

"gonna take a lot to drag me away from you / There's noting a hundred men or more could ever do..."
So why is this singer not with his love right now? Here is my theory.

In Toto's 'Africa', why is the speaker in Africa in the first place?
Answer: He's "looking for some long forgotten words or ancient melodies"
He is a student of the occult.

Why has the singer of the song gone to Africa, leaving his love behind in order to hunt some old folklore? He tells you, "I seek to cure what lies deep inside / frightened of this thing that I've become."

In other words, he's a goddamned werewolf.

"Wild dogs cry out in the night"
Hate to break it to you, but those aren't dogs. . . .

Why does he bless the rains down in Africa? Because it blocks the light of the full moon.

In summation, the song is about a werewolf in love seeking a cure for his condition in the depths of Africa.

Keep this in mind for next Christmas: Santa is a Great Old One. Consider:
Capable of instantaneous travel across the globe; he spans nations,
Many unpaid minions that live only to do his bidding, including eight hooved flying monstrosities. Nine if you count He Who Glows,
He himself is all seeing, all knowing,
Used to scare children into good behavior,
Offers extremely conditional gifts,
His belly is swelled greatly by offerings, described as "gelatinous" (shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly),
Despite this, he is "Lively and Quick",
Are we certain he has no tentacles? Look under the beard!
And his yearly festivals drive his worshipers insane.

Found out that my neighbor's four sons all want to be valets when they grow up.
Its the worst case of parking sons' disease that I've ever heard of.

How does a Flat Earther travel the world?

On a plane!