Sherwood

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 30, 2021

I once asked my wife why she married me.
She said, "Its because you are funny."
I said, "I thought it was because I'm great in bed."
She said, "See? You're hilarious!"

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 30, 2021

What sounds like a sneeze and is made out of leather?

A shoe.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 30, 2021

Before my last surgery, the anesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 30, 2021

Swiss cheese has holes.
More cheese = more holes.
More holes = less cheese.
More cheese = less cheese.

Mind. Blown.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 30, 2021

Want to hear my one liner about two tropical birds that got stuck together?

Nevermind. Its toucan fusing.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 29, 2021

I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes, but right now, its only a draft.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 29, 2021

I ate the new Pelican Burger at the local fast food place. It wasn't bad tasting, but the bill was enormous.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 29, 2021

Science fact: Plants use photosynthesis when they want a light snack.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 29, 2021

If you bump your head on a coffee maker, will it leave a brews?

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 29, 2021

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 29, 2021

You should always wear glasses to math class since they help with division.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 29, 2021

This janitor I know asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with him. I politely declined, since I just can't handle high maintenance people.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 29, 2021

Does the name Quasimodo ring a bell?

I had a hunch that it would.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 29, 2021

Anyone here able to tie a rope using telekinesis?

Thought knot.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 29, 2021

If you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit", then yes, I've seen opera.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 29, 2021

Medical update:

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink. Now I'm in the hospital waiting room, waiting to be seen.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 28, 2021

Was the inventor of denim clothing a jeanius?

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 27, 2021

Do you know which bank an orca uses?

Whales Fargo.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 27, 2021

Toilet paper alternative.

Spray Pam between your cheeks and the poop won't stick.

Don't ask how I know this, just trust me.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 27, 2021

What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

A laboratory retriever! Ha!

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 27, 2021

Do you know what the janitor said when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 27, 2021

What weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of Butane?

The water, since Butane is lighter fluid.

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 27, 2021

In Hawaii, is it ok to give off a loud laugh,

Or just a low Ha?

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 27, 2021

Milk is the fastest liquid on the planet.

Its pasteurize before you know it

• 

  Sherwood

• Mar 25, 2021

Did you hear about the guy that got in trouble for making a fortune buying stock in Apple?

Turns out it was in cider trading.