World gone mad (with Primal Things)

[Faith Eliza Cord]

Jared's hands still as he listens to Ilya speak, and he stares down at the sticks he had been holding for a few moments, his shoulders tense, before he drops them into the pit, clearing his throat as he struggles to think of something to say to the other boy. He knows very well that if Ilya had a sister other than Alina, that sister must be dead now, however her death had come about. And if she were older...well, Ilya was already close to adulthood, at least from what Jared could tell at a glance. Did that mean that his sister had already been an adult- and that someone, perhaps Ilya himself, had had to kill her?


He didn't ask. To do so would seem very rude, very intrusive, so instead he cleared his throat, saying aloud, "We had a sister too. Lydia. You heard Leigh talk about her...she was younger."


That was all he said...that was all that needed to be said. He knew Ilya would fill in the blanks. He stared at the fire pit, clinching and unclinching his hands slowly as he waited for the tightness of his throat to pass, for certainty that his voice would sound normal before he spoke again.


"She always has been. A handful. But she's not such a bad kid, really. She saved Angie's life. I have to give her credit there."


**


Angelina, sitting down in the water now, so the water is up to her shoulders in the shallow area where she remains, is still splashing her hand in it, albeit with more spunk now than before. In fact, she musters up the nerve to splash at Leigh, who gives a short cry when it hits her, scowling in her direction.


"That was cold!"


She splashes back at Angelina, who blinks and smiles, very slightly, splashing at her again. Within a few moments they are in an all out war, with Leigh going so far as to push Angelina over into the water, both girls emerging giggling. When Leigh, somewhat breathless, reaches for the shampoo to wash her hair, she has almost forgotten that Alina is there or that she is naked, and startles when the other girl speaks.


Angelina regards the two of them, then shrugs, saying finally, "I don't care."


"You're talking," Leigh announces, giving her a light shove on the shoulder, but rather than replying to this, Angelina, predictably, just shrugs again.

 

[pistolmouth]

His throat is still thick and aching with tears. Speaking is completely out of the question, so Ilya opts to just continue being as productive as possible. Without a warning, he rose and walked to check the snares he'd set. It wasn't like Jared would question where he was going. The situation had gotten awkward enough that he would have been able to walk away without triggering any questions.


The first snare was empty. Letting out a small curse, he moved for the next two to find a jack rabbit in each. With a small sigh of relief, he snapped their necks to minimize their suffering, lifted their bodies and carried them back to the campsite. He sat down and began to skin the rabbits.


It was easy enough to separate himself from the act. He'd seen Alina do it enough when she was being yelled at, the way she just went blank all over and refused to acknowledge what was happening. It was almost like someone else was was cutting into the skin of the rabbits, something else was peeling it back and removing all of the guts, stripping away everything but the meat and bones. He just kept telling himself that it would be a feast, that it would be better than peanut butter crackers and beef jerky, that Alina would do better with some sort of protein in her that didn't involve dehydrated meat or nuts of some kind.


With the rabbits skinned, the guts removed and buried under the ground, he speared the meat he'd stripped off onto sharpened pieces of sticks. He propped them up to avoid getting them dirty and started getting ready on the fire. He scattered the pile of leaves that Angie had gathered along the bottom of the firepit and ignited them, blowing lightly along the bottom to keep the flame alive long enough to set the wood. Ilya kept adding leaves until the fire started strongly enough to not require constant attention.


“So what did you do before all of this? Did you do any sports or anything?”


--------


Alina smiled broadly as she watched the girls play, deciding to give them a few more minutes before she moved to wash Angie's hair. She couldn't help but feel the ball of warmth in her belly grow when she heard Angie talking. This had to be a good sign, some reason to feel optimistic about it all.


Taking the shampoo from Leigh when she was finished with it, she moved so that she was behind Angie and sat down. She cupped water into her hands and tilted Angie's head back, further wetting her hair. She shampooed it, making sure that it was good and clean, then conditioned it and smiled weakly.


“Hold out your hand.” When she did, she squirted some more shampoo into her hands and smiled weakly, “Use that to clean yourself off, okay? Just like you would soap.”

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

Jared had never been one to be at all interested in the idea of hunting. He had never had a father or uncle who would have taken him, gotten him used to the procedure, and as a result the thought of deliberately catching an animal, killing it, and preparing it to eat had always seemed distinctly not a source of entertainment to him, something to do out of necessity rather than sport. He was no vegetarian; he knew that people had to kill the meat he ate, but he would simply prefer to be uninformed as to how, exactly.


Now he watched as Ilya prepared the rabbit and his stomach roiled with unease. Perhaps it wasn't supposed to be true of a "typical" guy, but he felt vaguely sick to watch his actions. He found himself averting his eyes, glad when Ilya broke the silence with his question. If he couldn't do something useful and productive to help them, he could at least carry a conversation.


"No. I mean, I would have wanted to play sports, but I never had time or money...our mom, she worked two jobs and she was never around, so Lydia- our sister- she would stay with Leigh and Angie and I worked at Burger King for us to have more money. Vicky- our mom- she wasn't great with remembering to pay for the things that mattered."


He paused, then asked, "How about you?"


**


Angelina is very still as she lets Alina wash her, not complaining or wiggling as she had in the past for her sisters. Leigh notices this, rolling her eyes and commenting.


"She's never that good with me. How come you're not complaining about soap being in your eyes with HER?"


"I don't got soap in my eyes," Angelina replies, the longest remark she has made since the first killings began, but Leigh doesn't seem to notice this, just sighing.


"You never did with me either, you just said that to be a brat."


"Was not," Angelina retorts, faintly but an argument all the same, another first. And just like that they're bickering, just as they always used to, with Angelina's replies short and soft, but nevertheless she is holding a conversation, a real conversation.


When the girls are finished, Leigh announces that she's getting dressed and nobody better look again, then scrambles into her clean clothes with lightning speed. Angelina dresses more slowly but still now requires no assistance in doing so, and as they head back to the others, she even reaches up to take Leigh's hand.


**


The next two days pass slowly, with little real change. The group does as they need to gather food and keep themselves clean, to stay as hydrated as possible, but it was becoming clear that they were running low on water and would need to obtain more supplies. The girls slept fitfully at night and often woke up crying, having had nightmares, and Leigh sometimes had crying fits during the day that seemed unprovoked from what Jared could tell. Still, they were holding up, they were doing as okay as could be expected, and Angelina, though talking infrequently, was indeed talking occasionally.


He had several concerns nonetheless. One, Leigh seemed very much determined that someway, somehow, she was going to get Ilya to come around to realize that she was, though young, clearly in her mind the person he should be with romantically. Two, Jared himself couldn't be sure, and tried to keep from thinking about it, but he couldn't help noticing himself that Alina was not unattractive. Three, they had no way of knowing what was going on out in the rest of the world, whether or not it was or would be safe to come out. And four, their supplies really were running low.


They would have to try to go out again,a nd soon. But how?

 

[pistolmouth]

Alina rolls onto her side in her sleeping bag. For once, it's warm and safe and comfortable, like it used to be when she would crawl into Sonja's bed after a bad dream. The ground beneath her isn't cool and hard like she's already started to get used to, but instead, it feels more like she's asleep on a bank of moss.


It's quiet.


It's nice.


And she isn't ready to come out of it, because here, she can pretend that everything is okay. That she and Ilya are safe at home and mom and dad are at work, their brothers and sister downstairs playing video games, or fixing dinner, or just playing cards at the kitchen table. Either way, it's nice, and if she can just stay here a little longer, maybe crawling out of the sleeping bag when it was her turn to wake up and take watch would seem a little easier.


But then there is weight, and a damp pillow is over her face and even though she tries so hard to scream and buck the person off, she can't. She remembers this weight well, the way the legs felt straddling her stomach to keep her legs from doing any real damage, how heavy her sister seemed as she forced her mass onto the pillow over her face despite her petite frame. Alina's fingernails try to dig into the skin of her arms, but instead just slide downward as though she's trying to scratch at a window and her feet can't get enough purchase to buck the body off of her.


Finally, a loud squeal ripped from her lungs and she was able to scramble out of her sleeping bag. Her hand caught the sharp edge of a rock, which snagged and ripped her palm open in her fight to get away from the body that was no longer there. Blood pounding in her ears, adrenaline numbing her body of anything but the desire to flee as fast as she could, her eyes dart around the campsite, uninjured hand over her mouth in a silent prayer that she didn't wake everyone.


Sonja is nowhere to be seen. More importantly, everyone that is supposed to be sleeping is still perfectly fine and tucked away in their respective sleeping areas. Her heart pounded against her chest like a battering ram and she starts to shake her hand, as though it will chase away the pain that's begun to creep into it.


It was a dream.


A small grunt nearby makes her flinch a little, but the thick, sleep-muffled “Ali?” That sounds from Ilya's sleeping bag causes her shoulders to drop in relief.


“Yeah.” She pants and rakes her fingers through her hair, “Yeah, it's fine. Just a dream, that's all.”


It's quiet for a few seconds, then, “You sure?”


“Mhm.” Ali digs one of her darker shirts out of the bag and tries to wrap it around her hand, gritting her teeth so as not to make any noise. “Just go back to sleep, Il.” She clears her throat when her voice breaks, the mixture of pain and fear still thrumming beneath her skin. It's hard not to mess with the shirt she's now using as a bandage, hard to stop trying to adjust it every few seconds, because honestly, the heat in her hand is so intense, she'd rather just deal with the screaming pain of the cut. Alina sits back down, her injured hand held above her heart to stop the bleeding and heaves a shaky breath, “You should get some sleep, too.” She tells Jared, “I'm not going to sleep any time soon. May as well rest while you can.”

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

Neither Jared nor Leigh stirs when Alina awakens, but Angelina is already awake, lying on her side so that she faces the siblings as she watches them solemnly. One thumb in her mouth, she regards them without asking anything for several minutes, simply sucking at her thumb in silence.


Finally, from around her thumb, she says softly, "Your hand is bleeding."


This is her sole observation, but the concern in her tone is clear. She doesn't voice that she herself has been up for twenty minutes, that her blanket and the t-shirt she sleeps in is soaked with urine; although this has happened before, she is embarrassed to admit it herself and would rather have someone simply notice and fix the situation for her. She subtly pushes it a little away from herself, trying to keep it from touching her skin.

 

[pistolmouth]

Alina looks over at the sound of Angie's voice, trying not to flinch, still trying to shake off the nightmare. She doesn't know what to say at first, the words not really processing for some reason. Once they do, though, she forces a small smile through the pain in her hand and forces herself to keep it elevated.


"It's not that bad." She says softly, trying to quickly quell as much of the child's anxiety as she can.


It's then that she notices the way Angie shifts around, trying to keep herself away from the blanket and her shirt away from her body. She doesn't want to make a big deal about it, or make Angie feel bad for having an accident, but god, it's hard to keep the smile up. She shakes her hand a little and instantly regrets it, letting out a small, choked off moan of pain.


Clearing her throat, she finally decides to speak again, "Did you pee your bed?" Instead of making a scene, she takes a deep breath, "I need to go wash my hand off at the river anyway, why don't I give you a shirt to change into and you can sleep in my bed? I'll go wash your blanket and shirt, okay? By the time everyone's awake it'll be dry, so it can be our secret."

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

Angelina's eyes widen further when Alina shows further pain, and she tries to reach out far enough to touch her hand without further betraying her accident. But Alina has noticed anyway, and doesn't seem grossed out or angry about it. When she suggests a way to better the matter, Angelina regards her in silence, then nods, slow but certain of this being a solution. She even manages a very small, brief smile.


Taking the shirt that Alina offers, she stands and starts to change, not self-conscious as Leigh would be, but she does watch the whole time that the older girl begins to walk away after gathering the stained items. Jared too is awake now, and having watched the exchange, though remaining lying down, he smiles to himself. It was very kind of Alina to do as she has, for someone who isn't even her sister, when she could have easily awakened Jared or Leigh to do it for her. He doesn't want to show Angelina he's awake to embarrass her further, but as he lies her, waiting for Alina to return so he can pretend he's only just awakened, he thinks to himself that it's further evidence of the qualities about her he's beginning to admire more often.


It's pointless to think this way, but it's not like he can help noticing.

 

[pistolmouth]

If she were feeling completely honest, and she was, Alina was happy for the excuse to get away from the group and let out the soft string of curses she'd been holding back, and to let the tears that had been stinging at her eyes free.


Washing the blanket and shirt was difficult with one hand, but she managed to do it without getting mud from the riverbank on them. The next challenge was hanging them on a nearby tree branch. She managed to drape the shirt over easily, but the blanket was another issue, one that took a few minutes and was extremely difficult through the wall of tears she'd started to blink back again.


The shirt and blanket hung up, Alina kneels down by the river and unwraps the shirt from her hand. She whimpers when the blood sticks to the skin around the gash. The cry that leaves her lips is accompanied with small flecks of spit, and then her mouth is suddenly dry. Alina plunges her hand into the water, the cold of it, at first, sending shards of ice into her hand and she grinds her teeth to keep from screaming.


After a few seconds, her hand numbs up more and she's able to clean away the blood. The wound now as clean as she can get it, she wraps it back up in the shirt and walks back to the campsite. When her eyes fall on Angie, she gives her a small smile and a thumbs up and sits down, ruffling her hair gently, "Go on and go back to bed. I'll sit up and make sure everything's dry before everyone else wakes up."

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

Angelina is still sitting up, her thumb again replaced in her mouth as Alina returns. From around her thumb, she answers, "I'm not tired." After a few more minutes, her voice softer, she adds, "You're nice."


From where he is still lying, pretending to sleep, Jared smiles again. Even his sister is having similar thoughts, though he's pretty sure that Angie doesn't watch Alina walk away for reasons other than-


He quickly shoves those thoughts down again, instead beginning to spell out the names of all the people present in his head as a way of distracting himself. He is trying to think of how would be best to spell Ilya when Leigh sits up, sleepy-eyed, but she is clearly not too tired to stop herself from quickly glancing at Ilya to see if he's awake, running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to tame it, and then scooting as close to him as their far-apart bedding areas will allow without her standing up and walking to him.


Worried she might do just that, Jared quickly pretends that he too has just awakened, stretching and sitting up with a feigned yawn. "Morning....actually it's barely daylight, why is everyone up?"

 

[pistolmouth]

Alina smiles weakly at Angie, holding her hand against her stomach, where - for whatever reason - the throb had lessened. When Leigh sits up, she manages a soft "Morning" and feels her eyes narrow slightly when she sees her move closer to Ilya. It's no that she thinks her brother would ever act on it, because he's made it very clear that the thought of Leigh, as young as she is, having feelings for him made him very uncomfortable.


She runs her fingers through her hair and looks over at Jared, trying hard not to smile a little wider at his hair, which was sticking up with sleep and shrugs when he asks why everyone is up. "I uhm... I just had a weird dream, I guess. I woke Angie up on accident, no big deal."


From his sleeping bag, Ilya lets out a brief snort and jerks awake. Ali hears him stretch and groan quietly, his joints popping audibly as he does so. "Everything okay?"


"S'fine, Il."


Her brother sits up and runs his hand over his hair a few times, yawning widely. "We need to talk about making a supply run."


"Yeah," Ali agrees quietly. "We should probably get some more clothes, too. The river can only get them so clean, and there's been a significant amount of wear and tear on what we have."


In Russian, Ilya mutters "That wasn't an excuse for you to go shopping."


Alina's voice comes out sharper than she means for it to when she replies back in their first language, "I'm being practical, Ilya! We need warmer clothes if we're going to stay outside. I'm not saying any more than we can carry, but we need to be ready for the weather and we aren't right now."


"No more than a few pairs of pants and shirts. We need to focus most of our load on food."


Her eyebrows raise before she can stop herself. The pain in her hand and the irritation at his assumption that she just wanted new clothes wearing heavily on her nerves, "I know that."


It's suddenly quiet between the two of them, and Alina lets out a breath of air, crossing her legs underneath her. It takes her a moment to switch back to English, but when she does, her voice is still rough. "We should start a list."

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

Weird dreams...Jared knew about those. Usually, the better word for it was "nightmares," and he definitely had his share lately.


"Sorry to hear that," he said to Alina quietly, giving a sympathetic small smile. As Ilya awakened, he turned his head towards him, irritated with himself at the quick flush that colored his cheeks before he could control it. "Morning."


He agreed with Alina when she suggested a supply run and started to say so, but was interrupted by the two beginning to speak in a flurry of Russian. He frowned, vaguely uncomfortable, as always, by their exchange. It seemed rude to him, somehow, vaguely ominous, when they spoke in a language he couldn't understand, and he felt a prickle of irritation, almost anger, coil through him before he shoved it down. For all he knew they could be mocking him back and forth and he'd never know it.


Leigh too seemed annoyed by this as she scowled in their direction, again running a hand through her hair.


"That's rude, you know," she informed them when they began to talk in English again. "We can't tell what you're saying. Maybe me and Jared should talk in Pig Latin or something. On't-day o-day ink-thay s-say, Ared-jay?"


Jared blinked, not having talked in Pig Latin since he was in middle school like Leigh, and having to struggle to keep up with the speed with which she was able to do so. He gave her a little smile and ruffled her hair rather than response, which made her scowl all the more and immediately set about fixing it with a glance towards Ilya.


"A list is a good idea," he said to Alina, as he motioned for Angelina to come closer to them. She was standing up now in her t-shirt, wandering around the perimeter of their camp idly, and he didn't want her wandering too far away. "We need bottled water, soap, food. More towels or blankets would be good. Jackets. Can opener, even, if we get cans. And weapons. Can't have too many of those."

 

[pistolmouth]

Ilya, unlike his sister, is not as embarrassed at being called rude by Leigh. Alina's face turns a bright shade of red and she mumbles something about them not really knowing how to bicker in English. Which was true enough. The language at home had been predominantly Russian - something their parents had strictly enforced - with only brief exchanges of English thrown in. It was a miracle that they'd developed such a decent grasp on English as they had, given they'd heard very little of it until they started school.


His embarrassment is not an issue. What Ilya has been taking issue with, though, was the way Jared has begun to watch his sister. He had first noticed that something might be going on after the way Jared would speak about her when she wasn't around, but now he's become well aware of the frequent glances he shoots her, and notes how different his smile is when it's aimed at his little sister.


Of course, he can't say anything about it right now. Not right in front of Alina, who would probably just get annoyed and maybe even further irritate Jared and Leigh by - unknowingly to them - chastising and insulting him in Russian again. No. It will have to wait, he decides.


"Weapons, for sure." He says finally.


"We should get medical stuff, too." Alina says, her voice still low with embarrassment. "Antibiotics and stuff, in case one of us gets sick."


It's then that Ilya notices the shirt wrapped around her hand and he gestures toward it, "What's that?"


His sister shrugs, her hand moving almost as though she's trying to hide it from view. "Nicked myself on a rock, is all." She says, "It's fine."


His eyes narrow on her, carefully scrutinizing her body language, looking for any signs of deception before he leans back on his hands. "We can get some bandages too. They'd be useful to have, anyway." Ilya looks over at Angie, Jared and Leigh, "Is there anything special that any of you guys need? Or, like... I don't know.. comfort foods that don't take a lot of effort or something?"

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

"Right, medicine, bandages, things like that...vitamins would be good, since our food isn't going to be the most healthy," Jared noted, before looking again at Alina. He doesn't notice her brother watching him as he asks her, "Alina, I've noticed you have trouble breathing sometimes...I don't know if that's something you need help with or what, but if we could get an inhaler...maybe we could find a clinic? Or a pediatrician's office...none of them would be there, right, since they won't have clients anymore? They might have blankets and clothing too, maybe even some food. Maybe a preschool for food too, and blankets...I don't know about clothes for the rest of us. Maybe...another high school in the area?"


It's something to start with, anyway. He smiles at Angelina. "Maybe we can even find you a stuffed animal. I know you didn't like having to leave your rhino behind."


One of Angelina's favorite toys had been a stuffed rhinoceros she had called Ruthie. She normally carried it with her everywhere, and he suspected that if she could have another comfort object like that, she might do better. She has responded well to Rai's dog, after all.


"Can I get makeup?" is Leigh's request. "And some hair stuff?"


When Jared just looks at her, she grows defensive. "What? I don't like feeling ugly all the time!"


"First off, we live in the woods, Leigh, how practical is it to worry about how you look? Second off, we're kind of worried about surviving here, not trying to become Miss America. Third, you look fine. Fourth...no, we're not wasting time and effort getting something we don't need. We're going out and coming back fast as we can," Jared informed her, to which Leigh scowled in response, crossing her arms over her chest as she slid her eyes to Ilya again, then looked down at her feet. He was pretty sure she was muttering something about being ugly again, but he ignored her as he turned to Ilya.


"You thinking we should leave when it's getting dark, or earlier?"

 

[pistolmouth]

There he goes again. Ilya tries not to think about what Alina might be feeling toward Jared, growing more and more concerned that she might start projecting onto the older boy as Leigh has been onto him.


Alina clears her throat at the question of her need for an inhaler and she smiles weakly at Jared, "I uhm, I have asthma. We got some inhalers from the pharmacy we stayed over before we got caught... it's not a big deal. Just, you know, allergens or whatever."


Ilya watches with mild amusement as Jared and Leigh fight over the idea of her getting make up. Ali assures her when it's over that she looks fine, and Ilya isn't quite aware that Jared is asking him until a few moments after he's finished his question. It's confusing, at first, the way he's the one being consulted about how to proceed with the supply run, especially considering the fact that Jared is older.


He shrugs and cards his fingers through his hair, "Maybe around dinner time? I mean, even if the adults are crazy, they still have to eat. We'll have to be fast and careful, though. We should hit a town that we won't be recognized in, though. I mean, you could sort of pass for an adult... I don't know what we're going to do about the girls though-"


"I'm going." Alina asserts, her voice hard and determined.


Ilya looks over at her, feeling way too tired to fight, but there is absolutely no way he's going to let her go into town. "No, uh-uh. Forget it, Ali."


For the first time in a while, she is legitimately angry and scared. This isn't just her being annoyed at some offhand comment Ilya would mutter to her in Russian, but instead, her eyes go dark, face drawn into a tight, determined knot. "If you think I'm just going to sit here and wait for you to come back from running errands, half-expecting for you to not come back at all, you're out of your f***ing mind." The next words may as well have been a wad of spit shot in his direction, "I'm going, Ilya."


"What about Leigh and Angie? I don't think Jared's going to want to take them into town. It's safer for you to stay here while we run into town to get everything." Desperate for help, he looks over to Jared, "What do you think?"

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

"Still, can't hurt to get some extras. You never know if we might have to leave some behind, can't have too many of something like that," Jared said to Alina, genuinely concerned for her. "What if you had an attack when someone was after us or something? Or-" he glances to the younger girls, then amends, "It's better to have several."


Ilya looks surprised, he noticed, when he asks him his opinion, but to Jared, it's only logical that he would. Jared is head of his sisters, and Ilya is head of his, in a way, since he is older, and he is only slightly younger than Jared. Why should Jared be the one fully in charge of all decisions?


But it was true, Jared hadn't considered how, exactly, they were going to go into town. Bringing Leigh and Angelina seemed unthinkable. Not only would they not be of help, they would slow them down, and bring considerable danger to themselves and to them. They certainly couldn't pass as adults, not matter how much Leigh might want to. And Alina...


But Alina wanted to go. She seemed determined to go, and she was sixteen. That was old enough to have a say, wasn't it?


"I don't know," he said finally. "Leigh and Angie are too young, definitely."


"You aren't gonna leave us behind!" Leigh squawked, outraged, her eyes almost bulging at this implication. She stood up, standing over Jared as she shook her head vehemently at him. "No way, NO! You are NOT gonna leave us here!"


"Leigh, you're not coming," Jared said more firmly, as Angelina watched, her eyes round, drawing her knees up to her chest. "You aren't."


"YOU ARE NOT GONNA LEAVE ME HERE!" she screamed then, with enough force and suddenness that he flinched, startled. "What if we get lost? What if I can't make Angie stop screaming like she did before? What if they come find us here and we have to run and hide and you never find us? What if they hurt us? What if you never come back and they kill you, and we never know, and we keep waiting and waiting...what if you die?"


She is crying then, and not trying to hide it, as she points a shaking finger at Jared, her voice fierce even as she cries. "You're not leaving us. I wont' let you."

 

[pistolmouth]

Alina never takes her eyes off of Ilya, even when Leigh starts throwing a fit, she keeps her eyes trained on him because she knows exactly what is going to happen now. She can see the gears turning in his head, but is still shocked by what he says when he says it.


"You're staying." It is not the fact that he says it, but more the way he says it that shakes her. It is so reminiscent of the way their father would put his foot down when they were little. He was addressing her like a child. She's clearly proven herself capable of taking charge and surviving, and he's talking to her like he's Angie's age.


Suddenly, she's just hit her threshold. It's like all of the stress and fear and frustration that's been building up inside of her has released. In her mind, she hears the pop of a champagne cork being released. Everything comes flying out at once and she, too, is crying. Now on her feet, uninjured hand balled into her fists, face tightening into a glare, she's screaming just as, if not more, loudly as Leigh.


"I'M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE PANICKING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE OUT THERE DY-"


She's cut off by the surprise of Ilya grabbing her elbow hard and dragging her off and away from the group. Alina stumbles and rights herself, ambling after him until they are somewhere more private. Once they're still, she tries to jerk her arms loose, but he digs his fingers further into her arm, refusing to let go. She opens her mouth to snap at him, but when he tells her to shut up, his voice is a low, furious growl that makes her obey immediately.


Ilya's jaw is clenched so tightly she can vaguely hear the sounds of his teeth grinding together, face white with anger. "Do you REALLY think I'm making you stay back for some stupid, selfish reason!? I'm doing this because you are the LAST F***ING PERSON I HAVE! I'm not going to risk taking you out there and getting you killed because you have to be so damn stubborn it makes you STUPID! STOP trying to impress everyone, Alina!"


"I'm not trying to impress ANYBODY!" She shrieks back, her voice cracking as she finally manages to yank her arm free from his grip, elbow throbbing weakly. She knows that there's going to be a bruise there later, but it's not important just then. "I want to HELP, Ilya! I can't just sit around here and do nothing and look after Leigh and Angie! I can't!"


Ilya is quiet for a few seconds, his jaw still set tightly. "You're staying." He doesn't give her time to say anything else, he just turns and starts back to the campsite, leaving her to throw a tantrum, should she decide to.

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

Leigh, meanwhile, is in the full course of a tantrum, the likes of which Jared hasn't seen from her since this entire crisis started. In normal circumstances it is fairly usual for Leigh to swing between trying to act superior to Angelina and even to Jared, as though she is simply too old and mature for the likes of them, and then to beg, whine, plead, or yell to get her way like she's as young as Angelina. She has had little time, opportunity, or inclination to try either with everything that's been going on. But she has cause now, and she gives way to it entirely, not even able to care what Ilya might think of her.


She beats her fists against Jared's chest as she screams at him, the action causing Angelina to gasp out loud, both hands creeping into her mouth, for she genuinely is frightened that Leigh will cause him serious injury. As she hits him, she continues to yell at him with each punctuated blow.


"I won't let you! I won't! You can't go off and leave me! I'm not her mom, I'm not a baby, I don't want you to go off and leave us here alone! I hate you making me do this, Jared! You just hate us! You just don't even care if we die! You didn't care about Max and you didn't care about Jillian and you didn't care about Andros, you didn't care about ANYONE-"


"Leigh, stop it right now," Jared warned, an edge coming into his tone as he tried to grab hold of her wrists, to stop her from hitting him, but Leigh jerked away, still yelling.


"You're probably why Max left! He knew you hated him and you would probably let him die! You would probably tell them to go get him just because you didn't like him! You-"


"LEIGH, SHUT UP!" Jared yelled, unaware and uncaring that Angelina was watching, that Leigh was twelve years old and afraid, that she had been through enough that it was amazing she hadn't exploded at an earlier point in time. He didn't care if Ilya and Alina were watching, but he was aware that Alina was crying, that Ilya was yelling at her too, and this added to his agitation, the anger coiling faster than he would have predicted in his chest.


He grabbed hold of Leigh's shoulders and shook her hard enough for her head to snap back and forth, for her cries to wobble back and forth with the gesture as she clawed at his hands, as Angelina continued to stare, stunned. When he made himself let go, frightened by the intensity of his own feelings, Leigh stumbled backward, then let herself collapse onto the ground, crying harder now than ever.


"You hate us...I hate you," she wept, and Jared could not for the first few moments that he looked down at her form words. Sometimes, it felt like what she was saying was true. It wasn't, he knew that it wasn't. But what was knowledge against feeling sometimes?

 

[pistolmouth]

It's the first time Alina has ever cried like this. She's completely rooted to the place Ilya left her in, harsh, loud sobs forcing their way up her throat and out of her mouth. She places her hand over her mouth to muffle herself. Her palm wet with her own spit and tears, she stands rooted to the spot.


The thought of just toughening up and walking back comes to mind briefly. The idea that, if he's going to treat her like she's a child, she sure as hell isn't going to stand here and act like one, but she can't stop. There's all this adrenaline coursing through her body and she can't help, or do anything and so she just has to stand here and cry like a pathetic little baby.


In the distance, she hears Jared shout and closes her eyes, trying to trap in the tears stinging at her eyes, trying to trap in all of the pain and anger and fear and use that to keep herself alive, but it just isn't working. Instead, she opts to just exhaust herself with it. At least then, she'll be too numb to care that her brother and Jared - who, since she's alone to admit it, she has grown to care very much about - could potentially be leaving them forever; that she may never have the closure of even seeing his body, because she would have to stay in the woods with Leigh and Angie until they managed to steal more supplies or starve to death.


It doesn't take long. Maybe fifteen minutes, but it feels much longer. Finally, Alina sucks it up. Using the shirt around her hand, she carefully wipes her eyes and starts the walk back to camp, back to all of the fighting and hysterics, but now, she's too tired to hear any of it.


She sits down at her designated spot, glancing briefly over at Ilya, who is emptying out a bag to take on the supply run. Leigh is still angry and, since Ilya isn't looking, she spares a glance over at Jared, who looks stuck in his own head, just as angry as Ilya, though Jared appears more helpless than Ilya does. Alina would be lying to herself if she didn't admit, at least silently, that she wants to walk over to him and comfort him, but then she glances over at Angie and Leigh, and she brushes at her eyes quickly.


"I think it's safe to say that the discussion is over." She finally croaks and clears her throat, "Leigh and Angie, you're going to stay here with me." She looks over to Jared, still too angry to address her brother, "All I ask is that you pick up a pack of cards or something."

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

It's becoming obvious to Jared that the longer they put this off, the more upset the girls are going to be, and the less likely it will be that he and Ilya will be able to successfully leave them. It's hard for him to look at his sisters, to listen to Leigh still sobbing on the ground, to see Angelina's chest rising and falling shallowly with her uneven breaths as her eyes dart between everyone....and Alina. He can see with one look that Alina has been crying, that she is every bit as upset as his sisters at being left behind, and he can identify with that. He doesn't like the thought of leaving her behind any more than he does the others, but the little girls cannot be left alone, and they certainly can't come. It is what makes sense, regardless of whether he likes it.


"Ali," he said softly, not realizing he was slipping into a nickname that perhaps he didn't yet have the right to call her. "I'm sorry. It's how it has to be, I guess...I am sorry."


Exhaling, he says in response to her request, "I'll get whatever I can to make it better here. Toys for Angie...Leigh, if you want a game or book or something...cards..."


He is trying hard not to think that his sister could be correct, and this could be the last time he ever sees them again. Trying not to picture them left alone, starving slowly, in the woods, or worse, coming back to find them all swaying from tree branches, drowned in the shallow river. Going to Angelina first, he hugged her limp form, ran a hand through her curls, and kissed the top of her head before pulling back. Leigh was harder; when he crouched beside her, laying a hand on her back, she hit out at him, and it was difficult for him to swallow his anger at her enough to pat her back anyway.


"I love you both. I'll be back. Listen to Ali and be safe."


Standing, he turns to Ilya, silently asking him with his eyes to leave with him then. He didn't think he could stand to wait much longer.

 

[pistolmouth]

Ilya catches Jared's look and gives him a silent nod. He half-expects Alina to act similarly to Leigh when he approaches to hug her, to swat at him and get him away from her, because she's clearly still disgusted with him and, until then, doesn't meet his eyes. He knew before he'd even told her that she was staying that she would be livid with him, the way she always was when he and their brothers and sister left her out of activities. It always killed her to not be part of the group, to be excluded from what the older kids were doing, but, as Jared had said to her... it was the way it had to be.


He approached her much in the way he would some strange new species of animal, unsure as to whether or not it would be dangerous to touch, and crouches down next to her, leaning forward to hug her. Alina closes the gap between them with enough force to nearly knock him off of his feet, her arms tight around him, small frame shaking hard. Whether it's from how much she'd been crying, or the anxiety of being left behind, he isn't sure. but he wraps his arms around her tightly and rubs her back in two, small circles.


"Be safe," she hisses in his ear in Russian, soft enough that she wouldn't offend Leigh or Angie, voice thick and watery. "And be quick."


Ilya closes his eyes and rubs her back again. "I will, I promise."


Breaking away from the hug, he waves goodbye to Leigh and Angie and starts off with Jared, the empty duffel bag hanging from his shoulder. His heart pounds hard against his chest as they walk, and they make it about a mile before he finds his voice again.


"I don't think we should be gone more than two hours." He says quietly, his voice just above a hushed whisper although they're still in the woods. "I don't know about your sisters, but Ali will only be able to keep herself composed for so long, you know? I think we should get what we need and get back as soon as we can."


--------


As Jared and Ilya's backs retreat, Alina's throat seems to tighten up even more. It feels way too much like she is saying goodbye to him for good. Yes, she's angry at him, but despite that, he's still her brother and she loves him.


What kills her, though, is how she's expected to just sit here and wait idly for them to come back, when Leigh and Angie are clearly feeling the same anxiety that she is. How can she be expected to just... be okay and simultaneously take care of them? It's stupid for her to think that way, obviously, Jared and Ilya have been doing it for days, the least she can do is take over for a few f***ing hours while they tackle a much more dangerous task. God, she could be so damn selfish.


Her mind races to think of something, anything, that might distract the girls as well as herself. She brings her thumbnail between her teeth and chews on it nervously, praying for a solution to the problem. Silently, Alina lists off games that she used to play when she was younger, most of them, though, needed a small group of people, and she didn't really think three counted as a small group.


She does have one game in mind though, and Leigh might scoff at it a little, but at the very least, it would keep Angie occupied and might delay another one of her fits like the one she had that first morning, when Jared left to go to the bathroom.


"Have you guys ever played Red Light, Green Light?"


--------


The hallways of the school are silent and empty. Peter walks along them slowly, not bothering to peek into the rooms or look out for anyone at all, really. It's not exactly something he has to worry about, despite how young he may appear. The adults aren't a problem for him. he had proven his age enough times that he could walk the streets without any concern whatsoever.


He takes a bite from the candy bar he'd snagged out of one of the vending machines. It's not like it had been hard to break. All it took was one solid hit with a fire extinguisher and all of its contents were his for the taking. Peter stayed in the schools, not because he was hiding from anyone, or because he had nowhere else to stay, but simply because it was quiet there, and he had a good view of the majority of the town from the roof.


The town itself had come to value him. While Peter may have been one of the youngest surviving members, he also provided one of the best services. So far, nearly a dozen kids had fallen at the hands of the other adults because of him. Something he prided himself in as often as he possibly could. The town, it seemed, needed him, and that is not something he takes lightly.


He finishes his candy bar and tosses the wrapper off to the side carelessly. Sooner or later, he would have to venture out and start looking for more kids. Sure, one could say that it's his day off, but it's not exactly like he has anything better to do, and they certainly aren't coming to him.


No, if he wants anything interesting to happen, he'll have to seek it out himself.<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2013_04/peter.jpg.635566250cf79f4fd3b629292131b9fd.jpg" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="212" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2013_04/peter.jpg.635566250cf79f4fd3b629292131b9fd.jpg" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p>

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

Jared, like Ilya, had expected Alina to refuse her brother's hug like Leigh, so to watch her clutch him so tightly, so clearly emotional, was hard enough that he had to turn away, clearing his throat. He is relieved when Ilya finally joins him and they can walk away, even as he can see Alina's tortured features in his mind's eyes, can still hear Leigh crying into the ground. He hopes that when all of this finally sinks in for Angie that he will be far enough away that he won't have to hear her start to scream, because it might be enough to break his nerve and send him running straight back to them.


Ilya isn't in the mood for talking either, not that Jared can blame him. Regardless, this is going to be a very long trip at this rate.


When Ilya finally speaks, warning him they should be back within two hours, Jared looks over at him, then nods, barely inclining his head to do so. It was probably impractical to be able to expect this, given that it took them nearly thirty just to walk out of of the woods. Still, that could be their goal.


"School. Pediatrician. At the very least," he said, reminding himself as much as Ilya. "We should walk faster."


**


For several moments Leigh doesn't respond to Alina's suggestion. She is still lying on the ground, not full out crying anymore, but still shaking and hiccuping occasionally. When she finally sits up, her already badly wrinkled clothing is stained and slightly damp, and her nose is running. She reaches for the nearest leaf and swipes it beneath, which seems to do her little good, and has to resort to the back of her wrist, sniffling, before she responds, her voice hoarse.


"That's a kid game. I'm not a kid. And Angie's not gonna want to."


Angelina, in fact, though she is not screaming as she had the day before, is also not seeming to respond to anything at all. Her legs are still drawn up against her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around them, and she says nothing, still staring in the direction that Jared and Ilya disappeared. Her lips are pressed together into a thin line, and she is shivering, but she doesn't speak or move. Watching her, Leigh exhales, then comes to sit beside her, wrapping an arm around her and leaning her head against Angelina's.


"They suck, don't they? They're stupid. They suck and they're stupid and I hate them."


Yet she says all this softly, almost in a soothing manner, and Angelina does seem to relax very slightly against her. Holding her seems to be calming Leigh a little as well, and when she looks back to Alina, she is almost composed.


"We should have just ran after them, you know. Maybe we can still catch up. I can run fast. You could put Angie on your back."

 

[pistolmouth]

Ilya can't seem to find his voice when Jared suggests that they move fast, so he just nods and obediently picks up the pace. It's so much quieter without the girls. Even when they're around and no one is speaking, there's still at least a presence there.


He pauses at the edge of the woods briefly and glances over at Jared. From where they're standing, he can't see anyone outside, which comes as a huge relief to him. He refuses to admit it out loud, but he had been terrified that the town would be bustling with activity. It's a weekday, though, and since the adults don't have kids to worry about anymore, Ilya guesses that they just went about their normal lives.


Clearing his throat, Ilya spots the school signs and cautiously follows them. Stifling the absolute terror at being in town is more difficult than he would have thought. The tempo of his heart seems to grow faster and faster the deeper he gets into town and he runs his fingers along the outline of the utility knife in his pocket, trying hard to maintain at least a calm exterior.


"This isn't just going to go away, is it?" He asks finally, tugging the doors of the school open.


--------


Her idea shot down as she knew that it would be, Alina already lets herself give up trying. She watches Leigh move over to Angelina, who - though she may not be having a full scale meltdown - is still acting in a way that greatly concerns her. It's as though any moment, Angie will open her mouth and all hell with break loose. She's grateful for Leigh, who seems to be able to calm her down at least enough that Alina isn't as worried about her throwing another fit.


Pulling her own knees up to her chest, Alina rests her chin on them and takes a deep breath, her insides cold. She wants to vent her anxieties to the other girls, but knows just how pointless it would be. It's not like she would be helping them any by freaking out, she has to be the one in charge, for god's sake. Even Jared had said it. They were to listen to her.


She closes her eyes and forces a deep breath through her nose, exhaling through her mouth. She's just opening them when Leigh suggests going after them. For a moment, she actually considers it, too. Her breathing hasn't been horrible today, she could probably carry Angie for at least a little while, certainly long enough to close some of the gap between them. But then, she tries to imagine Ilya's face when he sees her, and Jared's face when he sees his own sisters -


What if Alina got the younger girls killed? What would happen then? Would Jared and Ilya just leave her? It would be her fault, and certainly they wouldn't want someone responsible for the deaths of two girls who hadn't even finished or started puberty yet. Maybe they would kill her themselves.


Swallowing thickly, Alina manages a small shake of her head, "No." She is surprised by how her voice seems so strong, yet so completely empty at the same time. "No, even if we did catch up without getting hurt, or getting..." She pauses, knowing that she has to choose her next words very carefully. "Or running into someone else, they'd be pissed if we did it."

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

The entire time he had walked with Ilya, Jared had expected any moment for someone to stop them in their paths. It seemed inevitable that someone would drive past them, turn their car, and gun it straight at them, trying to take them out. Or that someone would look out their window and return with a loaded gun, pass them walking down the street and whip out a switchblade. Every step he took his entire body was tensed on high alert, looking for a threat, for any movement other than himself and Ilya, and yet no one came.


It was unbelievable, and highly suspicious. Since when had they had such an easy time of it? What if they were being tailed and would shortly be ambushed?


Even when they reach the school he is unable to drop his guard for even a moment. Surely now the tables would turn, and someone would be in there waiting to take them out. He tenses up, preparing for this as they step through the front door, angling himself in such a way that if someone did attack, they would not hit anything vital. It is difficult, stepping through the school doors, to keep from remembering the last time they had been at a school, how confusing and terrible it had been to flee with his sisters, knowing that people left behind had died, knowing that he had not been able to save them. Knowing that Rai-


There was no point in thinking about Rai now. Think about his sisters, think about Ali. They have to hurry back to them, they have to get what they need.


"No," he told Ilya quietly in response. "No, I don't think it will be."


**


Leigh had pretty much expected Alina's response, but that doesn't mean that she's happy about it. She glares at her, though with less ferocity than she had her brother. She's too worn down by now to conjure up much more rage. Swaying slightly, her arm still around Angelina, she mutters to Alina defiantly.


"I don't care. They deserve it. They think they're so big and tough just because they're boys, that they can just leave us behind. It would serve them right if we hid and they couldn't find us anywhere when they came back. I think we should."


Angelina shakes her head then with surprising vigor, so when Leigh looks down at her, startled, she has to ask, "Why? You don't want to hide and make them freak out?"


Angelina shook her head again, but didn't clarify. Leigh sighed, then pulled apart from her, coming to sit near Alina. After several moments she said finally, "Do you like my brother? I don't care if you do. I'm not gonna freak out like HE does."

 

[pistolmouth]

Stepping into the school is easily one of the most terrifying things Ilya has brought himself to do since everything changed. It's eerie, how quiet the halls are, how his footsteps echo off of the walls as they walk down the hallway. He doesn't know what to say to Jared's response, knowing that he was probably right, that they'll probably spend the rest of their lives, however short lived they may be, running from adults who are trying to kill them.


When he finds the nurse's office, he immediately opens up the cupboards and starts shoving all of the medical supplies into the duffel bag. They're small enough they they only take up a corner of it and, on the shelf, he notices several small, blue boxes marked TAMPAX and other plastic packages - he wasn't stupid. He'd seen them enough in the bathroom. Hesitating, he turns to Jared, face already bright red at the thought of having to ask another guy this about his sister.


"Okay, don't take this the wrong way, but uh... has Leigh... I mean, does she have..." He gestured vaguely toward his crotch, as though that would clear anything up and cleared his throat. "I mean, has she started her... monthly... girl... uh, thing?"


--------


Alina is beyond caring whether or not Leigh is mad at her. She knows, or at least hopes, that Leigh wouldn't get up and run after them herself, and since Angie has apparently picked Alina's side on the matter, it really is a case of majority rule.


"It's not just because they're boys," she says, chin still nested between her knees. "They look older. None of us would pass for adults. They do, at least Jared does. Ilya might from a little ways away, I guess."


She doesn't move when Leigh goes to sit next to her. Since Angie doesn't seem to be close to any sort of freak out, and is okay sitting there by herself, she doesn't mind the company. In fact, she finds the closeness of another person, regardless of how much younger, comforting to some extent. It's nice, actually. It's really, really -


"Do you like my brother? I don't care if you do. I'm not gonna freak out like HE does."


This would have been one of those moments in the movies where Alina take a drink of her soda and spit it all over the place in surprise. Even without having a drink in her mouth, she nearly chokes on her own spit in surprise, face going blindingly hot at the question.


"W-what?!" Alina nearly screams, voice breaking the way Ilya's had when his voice started changing a few years back. She's sitting up straight now and looking over at Leigh, fully aware of how red her face must be and only going redder because of it, suddenly paranoid that she's been this obvious the entire time, and how has Ilya not pulled her aside and told her to back off, and -


God, what if Jared knew?!


She has to fight back the embarrassed moan threatening to breach her lips and shakes her head, " "N-no! No, of course not, why?"

 

[Faith Eliza Cord]

Despite the obviousness of what Ilya is trying to ask him, Jared can't, for the first few moments of his gestures and awkward phrasing, understand what he is getting at. He looks at the other boy blankly, blinking, then in the direction of the boxes that Ilya had been indicating, still slow to piece it all together. Perhaps this was because he generally, even at nineteen, tried to avoid all discussion of female bodies and their workings, finding such conversations terribly uncomfortable, even having had three sisters. Or maybe BECAUSE he had three sisters. Any discussion of girl parts and their intricacies somehow always seemed to make him think back to them, and that was entirely more than he was okay with.


Not only that, but for Ilya, the guy Leigh was clearly enthralled with, talking about anything in connection with her body, was perhaps just too much for his mind to accept.


When his meaning finally dawned on him, however, he could hardly stand still with the horror it provoked in him. His eyes bulged, and he sputtered, choking on his own saliva as his hands flew up in a warding off pose, shaking his head vehemently.


"Dude! How the hell would I know that?! Why the hell would I WANT to know that?! She's twelve! I don't know! Jeez!" As a hurried afterthought, he added, "And don't ASK HER, whether she has or not she's NOT going to talk about it with YOU of all people!"


Still, the idea is preying on his mind even as he hurriedly begins to gather an armful of supplies, stuffing them into a paper bag that he finds behind a file cabinet. He asks finally, his voice rather stiff, "So...how old are girls when they...you know? I mean, it wasn't like I committed it all to memory in health class...and it's not like I ever asked Lydia, our other sister...she's, she's only twelve. That's too young. Much, much too young. Right?"


**


"You could look like an adult if you wanted to," Leigh muttered, still resentful and not in the mood for logic. "I could too. I could. I'm tall for my age. If we had makeup we totally could. You could give me one of your bras and I could do our makeup and it would be FINE."


That didn't account for Angelina even if that were true, and she knew it, so she didn't bother trying to make up a way to include her.


As she moves closer to her, nonplussed and rather skeptical of Alina's shocked reaction to her question, she just looks at her, raising her eyebrows, then snorts. "Yeah right. You do too. I can tell," she announces, sounding rather pleased with herself at her insight. "I don't mind though. You can do whatever you want with Jared, it's okay with me. Maybe he'll be nicer if you do. He's mean sometimes."


She stretches her arms in front of herself, popping her back, and then slumps back against the closest tree. Angelina is watching Alina with some interest, as though hoping that Alina will have another similar reaction in the future. Though she had startled at first, alarmed, she had settled into an almost smile when she realized that Alina was okay, as though she thought her faintly humorous. She inched a little closer to the older girls, enough so that they could reach out and touch her if they liked, and also enough for her to hear, though not understand, Leigh's next remark.


"You're like fourteen or something, right? Like in high school? So you've probably done it, right? You know- it?"


She says this in a slightly hushed tone, her eyes shifting to Angelina, who looks blankly back at her, having not a clue of what she's talking about. "I mean, everyone has in high school, right? They do it at their prom or like on their first date or whatever. That's what they say on TV. So you've done it. Anyway...uh...how bad does it hurt? Like if the guy's bigger and stuff? I was just wondering how he doesn't crush you."