Other "Why won't anyone roleplay with me?"

[Spoiled Bread]

The reason I'm not comfortable with RP'ing with teenagers is because I don't want to be RP'ing with someone (say in their early to mid teens) and have someone's parent try to sue me or whatever for talking/RP'ing with their kid and potentially end up in jail.

Wait, is this really possible? Or is this just some kind of moshi-moshi FBI joke?

 

[Onmyoji]

I don't know if it can be really taken as far as going to jail (although I believe it's not impossible), but I also don't rp with younger people for a similar reason.

I remember roleplaying with someone who was about 14-15 at that time (this happened a few years ago). They ended up having very controlling parents. Who read their messages at one point. Even though there wasn't anything bad there just a simple fantasy story, it was still not a very pleasant experience to explain to them that roleplaying is basically just collaborative writing. And that their child is not mentally ill for writing fantasy stories. And I'm not mentally ill either. Well, when I was 15 myself I even had trouble explaining to my own parents that writing fantasy or fandom-related stories is not bad. So I can imagine what some parents might think when they catch their child writing a story with someone else.

TLDR, Never again. If I see anyone below 18 it's an immediate no from me, no questions asked. I mostly try to rp with 21+ people only. There are a few exceptions but they're all at least 18.

 

[Spoiled Bread]

I don't know if it can be really taken as far as going to jail (although I believe it's not impossible), but I also don't rp with younger people for a similar reason.

I remember roleplaying with someone who was about 14-15 at that time (this happened a few years ago). They ended up having very controlling parents. Who read their messages at one point. Even though there wasn't anything bad there just a simple fantasy story, it was still not a very pleasant experience to explain to them that roleplaying is basically just collaborative writing. And that their child is not mentally ill for writing fantasy stories. And I'm not mentally ill either. Well, when I was 15 myself I even had trouble explaining to my own parents that writing fantasy or fandom-related stories is not bad. So I can imagine what some parents might think when they catch their child writing a story with someone else.

TLDR, Never again. If I see anyone below 18 it's an immediate no from me, no questions asked. I mostly try to rp with 21+ people only. There are a few exceptions but they're all at least 18.

Ah, I see. I never think there's something like this before since my parents are more on the lax side and I never get this kind of problem.

 

[Onmyoji]

Personal experience is not universal.
I understand that even if I had one bad experience roleplaying with a minor, it doesn't mean it will ever happen again, and there are lots of people under 18 who write well and are fun to talk to.
Still, it was my conscious choice to reduce the possibilities of that happening again, and I assume that's what everyone who requires a certain age for rp partners is doing too. They may have other reasons though, not just negative. Things, like not understanding what people of different age are into and not having many common topics to discuss, could be a factor as well, for example.

 

[MDL]

If you get "your heart broken" over losing a RP partner you need to chill the F out and reprioritize your life. You can't be genuinely happy if you seek validation through other people. Not online or IRL.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

I think the problem is not everyone on this site is mature enough to think of it in those terms. Most of the people I'm talking about wouldn't even see what they did as discourteous in the first place. They know they're unhappy without knowing how to articulate why. Which is why I focus on communication so much as that is at least something I have control over. I can't make someone more professional but as communicating is a two way street I can at least start a conversation with them and hope they hold up their end of the bargain.

That said I do think that courtesy in general is definately a big deal. In big and small ways. Not only just being courteous in the sense of letting someone know when you'll be gone or when things aren't working. But also just like not being a hateful asshole. I've had that happen when people all but start cursing at me when things don't go their way. Now that is definately unprofessional and uncalled for. You don't like me, leave the PM. Don't be a dick.

Definitely*


Professionalism is not interpersonal communication. Where and how you got the two entangled, I don't know.

I've had to work with selfish kids who still drop inboxes all the time. Communication and professionalism are not mutually exclusive.


Professionalism is your mentality. How you carry yourself in every aspect of role playing. Your approach to everything from your fellow writers (interpersonal communication), to how you create characters for role plays. How much you care about the integrity of the narrative with respect for every character, not just your own. How you regulate yourself within that narrative (are you running through it with a torch in one hand and a sword in the other? Or are you being a play maker and team member?). How you treat the commitment of joining someone's baby. How you pick your battles when it comes to getting your way - and furthermore - are you only ever thinking about your character?


Story telling isn't some wishy-washy art form that you can just slap together on a whim. You can have fun and learn and grow, but the moment you begin to really, really care about what you're doing, and why, spontaneity just isn't enough anymore. And yeah, folks like me could go off in a cave and write books by our lonesome. But you're missing the point to make an argument. I love creative writing in a group. It brings a certain quality to each character that few writers could pull off by themselves.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

Personal experience is not universal.
I understand that even if I had one bad experience roleplaying with a minor, it doesn't mean it will ever happen again, and there are lots of people under 18 who write well and are fun to talk to.
Still, it was my conscious choice to reduce the possibilities of that happening again, and I assume that's what everyone who requires a certain age for rp partners is doing too. They may have other reasons though, not just negative. Things, like not understanding what people of different age are into and not having many common topics to discuss, could be a factor as well, for example.

Age has nothing to do with it. Hahaha.

The number one issue is creative responsibility and tastes. RP has never been a bastion for good story tellers. Literary prowess and creative prowess have sweet fuck all to do with one another. Nothing.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Definitely*


Professionalism is not interpersonal communication. Where and how you got the two entangled, I don't know.

I've had to work with selfish kids who still drop inboxes all the time. Communication and professionalism are not mutually exclusive.


Professionalism is your mentality. How you carry yourself in every aspect of role playing. Your approach to everything from your fellow writers (interpersonal communication), to how you create characters for role plays. How much you care about the integrity of the narrative with respect for every character, not just your own. How you regulate yourself within that narrative (are you running through it with a torch in one hand and a sword in the other? Or are you being a play maker and team member?). How you treat the commitment of joining someone's baby. How you pick your battles when it comes to getting your way - and furthermore - are you only ever thinking about your character?


Story telling isn't some wishy-washy art form that you can just slap together on a whim. You can have fun and learn and grow, but the moment you begin to really, really care about what you're doing, and why, spontaneity just isn't enough anymore. And yeah, folks like me could go off in a cave and write books by our lonesome. But you're missing the point to make an argument. I love creative writing in a group. It brings a certain quality to each character that few writers could pull off by themselves.

The communication thing was not supposed to related to professionalism. That is what I focus on INSTEAD. Because I have shit to do with how other people behave but I can control the flow of a conversation I am actually a part of. Which is exactly what I said.

I mean fine you want to have your own mentality on professionalism I honestly don’t care.

I was speaking about treating people with basic civility which did seem to be a part of your point. If it’s not fine don’t call it professionalism call it not being a dick.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

Do I have to quote you as saying they are one in the same, not once but twice? Or should we chat about accountability for a while?


Own your mess if you want to make it, rae2nerdy .

 

[rae2nerdy]

So about roleplaying with kids and legality.

Spoiled Bread If you look up the erotic content PSA you’ll see that is the only type of roleplay that could be actively illegal. It’s banned on this site for that specific reason.

Short explanation is if you roleplay something involving sexual acts you could theoretically be accused of something like sharing porn with a minor. I don’t remember the exact name for that or how your specific country/state would handle it. You’d have to google the child porn laws in your neck of the woods.

At the very least it could get the site as a whole in trouble and get it shut down.

But just a regular fantasy story or whatever isn’t going to get you in any kind of legal trouble. And smut would get you kicked off this site regardless of whether the law got involved anyway.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Do I have to quote you as saying they are one in the same, not once but twice? Or should we chat about accountability for a while?


Own your mess if you want to make it, rae2nerdy .

Maybe read where I agreed to disagree? Fuck sake I let it go, now it’s your turn.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

I'm just saying, don't backpedal into a blatant lie, bud.

It's an open forum topic, and this is very much the hill I'd like to die on. No one is really taking about it, but RP is a ghost of its former self. Has been for almost a decade.


Someone has to start talking about it candidly, whether feelings are hurt or not.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I'm just saying, don't backpedal into a blatant lie, bud.

It's an open forum topic, and this s very much the hill I'd like to die on. No one is really taking about it, but RP is a ghost of its former self. Has been for almost a decade.


Someone has to start talking about it candidly, whether feelings are hurt or not.

I changed my effing opinion talking to Dutch. Whom I was quoting as a part of a civil conversation before you decided to be an ass.

 

[NeonFlow]

Bring me a bucket and I will show you a bucket.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

You wouldn't want to see me being an ass, Chief.

I'm just in facts mode. Full power to shenanigan shields. Beam me down, because I'm comin' in hot. Phasers set to Educate.

 

[NeonFlow]

You wouldn't want to see me being an ass, Chief.

I'm just in facts mode. Full power to shenanigan shields. Beam me down, because I'm comin' in hot. Phasers set to Educate.

Oh I like you,
Slap pancakes! ride the meat wagon with me, drivers drive life come and go
Where’s my salt?

 

[Dutch]

I think it's less of a ghost of it's former self and more "we" are a decade older and "WE" just don't have the time, patience or desire to deal with the bullshit that comes with RPing anymore.

Like these arguments, everything everyone has said in this thread is the same bullshit that existed when I RP'd in my late teens / early twenties. RPing ain't changed much I'm just older and tired and wish the bullshit hoops didn't exist.

But hey that is my opinion . . . this shit is ingrained into the mythos of the RP community.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I think it's less of a ghost of it's former self and more "we" are a decade older and "WE" just don't have the time, patience or desire to deal with the bullshit that comes with RPing anymore.

Like these arguments, everything everyone has said in this thread is the same bullshit that existed when I RP'd in my late teens / early twenties. RPing ain't changed much I'm just older and tired and wish the bullshit hoops didn't exist.

But hey that is my opinion . . . this shit is ingrained into the mythos of the RP community.

I agree I think a lot of millennials tend to fall victim to nostalgia. This whole “back in MY day things were better because people had respect.”

It basically the same stuff our parents say when they blame the fall of western civilization on avocado toast or whatever.


The fact is roleplaying always had a problem with ghosting, toxic behavior, unprofessionalism, lack of communication, preference arguments, etc.

It honestly hasn’t changed that much in the decade I have been playing. The biggest difference between now and 2006 is just what shows are popular in the fandom section.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

I think it's less of a ghost of it's former self and more "we" are a decade older and "WE" just don't have the time, patience or desire to deal with the bullshit that comes with RPing anymore.

Like these arguments, everything everyone has said in this thread is the same bullshit that existed when I RP'd in my late teens / early twenties. RPing ain't changed much I'm just older and tired and wish the bullshit hoops didn't exist.

But hey that is my opinion . . . this shit is ingrained into the mythos of the RP community.

The bullshit is the problem. I don't know where you RP'd, but the BS ratio has increased by ten fold just in my day.

I started role playing at 21 in '06 on a site that no longer exists. Back then RP was a completely different animal in so many ways. The average person was creatively talented, put time and effort into RPs, and took the act of signing up to Rps very seriously. Because when you say, "Sure, I'll play your primary antag." Only to bail out halfway through to join the next RP that has grabbed your attention, you leave us all hanging, stuck in a difficult situation. Back then RP was a lesser known hobby. The player population consisted primarily of passionate writers who lived and breathed characters and story.

Then something interesting happened. Around 2010, 2011, role playing started to become more accessible and popular. I don't know why exactly, but it became a household concept for anyone to blow off steam over the weekend. You had children, 1-line wonders, and fandom burnouts flooding rp sites around the world.

This isn't some half-cocked theory "My personal, non-universal experience," I watched this, experienced this happening in real time. It wasn't just my old site, it was all of them. It even happened to Blue Moon, and they're a freaking Erotica RP site, lol. This began to degrade the quality of Rp and players abroad. And it only got worse. Like an untreated cancer it festered and spread. And I mean what do you do? You can't up and ban people for being toxic.

Now we, the people you speak of who grew up, are the minority.

I'm not suggesting a lot of those kids didn't grow and learn. It's an issue of how many individuals come in to replace them, every day.

When RP went from a well kept secret among writers to a popular pass time, RP changed... Like day and night. Perhaps having a board you have called home for a long time, and a group of peers within it has prevented you from really getting a sense of just how bad things have gotten.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

I don't know where you were RPing, but I used to maintain a presence everywhere.

RPGFO, RP Guild, roleplay-adventures, Gaia, found Blue Moon by accident. Can't say I stayed, but I'm a hardcore snoop. I observe more than I post.

Perhaps being 13 limited your circles to the bullshit. I'm not suggesting it hasn't always existed, but it got worse when play by post was popularized.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

Read what I said again?

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

What I'm saying is, at 13, you may have been limited in your experiences. Because in my experience, a lot of the vets don't RP with children. You understand what I'm saying? As a 13 year old, you may have been exposed to more of the BS side of RP. Because to hear you speak, it's like we existed in different worlds.

 

[FoolsErin]

To be honest, I’m not 100% sure how we went from “inspiring post about not giving up because you’ve been ghosted” to “adults complain that this bullshit has been happening for years now”, but I guess this is where the thread has ended up,

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

Perception is 90% of reality.

 

[M.J. Saulnier]

To be honest, I’m not 100% sure how we went from “inspiring post about not giving up because you’ve been ghosted” to “adults complain that this bullshit has been happening for years now”, but I guess this is where the thread has ended up,

I just thought someone should roll their sleeves up and actually get at it, instead of candy coating the issues with PC bullshit.

Some people look at story telling (put rp aside for a sec) as more than a 'fun' hobby. It saved some people's lives. Gave them a sense of self worth when it was a matter of life and death. Showed them a better place to invest their energy.

It's sad to see how bad the art form has gotten, but when your part of the problem it's next to impossible to recognize it.