Experiences Whats making you angry today? Rp pet peeves

[WhiskeyMarten]

Everyone should stop coming up with so many good roleplay ideas. I want to join all of them but there’s never enough time. FOMO hits hard you know?

this ^ the biggest struggle. I always feel like theres either nothing that interests me or EVERYTHING is interesting me

 

[Onmyoji]

sometimes I feel like it's good that I'm into fandoms no one else cares about because there aren't many searches to respond to
... but then suddenly several people are looking for those things and then I'm having the same struggle

 

[Mitheral]

The thing is there are moments when no one knows whether they're going to take breaks. You don't expect to be God forbid in an accident or in the hospital or something happens to your family. These are circumstances NO ONE can account for nor prepare for and it seems that with some people it doesn't matter. That right there is a problem. Or just because someone can handle grief in their own way to continue roleplay others should be the same. Everyone is not the same. If I suddenly find myself in the hospital, I don't give a damn about telling anyone I won't be able to roleplay. That's the least of my concerns or the roleplay itself.

The fact that it's even got to this point is absolutely amazing. I definitely know who I would never write with.

You completely missed my point. I KNOW the unexpected happens. That wasn't what my pet peeve was about.

My issue was people signing up for an RP who EXPECT a major change to RL (like school starting up again in a month - and they sign up for a major role in a group RP - with specified posting frequencies. If they can't commit to that, don't sign up. I am perfectly cool with that.

WhiskeyMarten The problem was that I started this trail of tears thread. I WAS talking about scheduled stuff.

 

[Inno]

You completely missed my point. I KNOW the unexpected happens. That wasn't what my pet peeve was about.

My issue was people signing up for an RP who EXPECT a major change to RL (like school starting up again in a month - and they sign up for a major role in a group RP - with specified posting frequencies. If they can't commit to that, don't sign up. I am perfectly cool with that.

WhiskeyMarten The problem was that I started this trail of tears thread. I WAS talking about scheduled stuff.

No, you made your point perfectly clear from everything you've been saying. I just don't agree. We have two different perspectives about it. I rather leave it alone. Don't quote me again.

 

[WhiskeyMarten]

The problem was that I started this trail of tears thread. I WAS talking about scheduled stuff.

Well I think the topic got a bit muddled, at least to me, when you were talking to nerdy tangents on the previous page

I dealt with it. When bad things happen I just work harder. Yes, I do realize that is avoiding problems. But at least I am getting something done.

This message about unscheduled tragedies gives off the impression that you think people can/should push through these things to keep up with the commitments of a roleplay. (And then along the way the conversation spread to other topics that can cause people to take breaks from rp)

I sincerely apologise if that's not the message you intended to give off, but that's how it may be coming across to others as well.

I understand some of the points you are making but I definitely think there's some misunderstanding that has happened along the way.

 

[WhiskeyMarten]

sometimes I feel like it's good that I'm into fandoms no one else cares about because there aren't many searches to respond to
... but then suddenly several people are looking for those things and then I'm having the same struggle

All the fandoms I'd love to roleplay are all completely dead so I'll never have that problem

If I see a roleplay set in the We Need To Go Deeper universe, or a Gregory Horror Show inspired roleplay I think I would not be able to cope with the excitement, so it's lucky nobody else cares haha

 

[Mitheral]

I understand some of the points you are making but I definitely think there's some misunderstanding that has happened along the way.

They took things personally. I come from a time what we planned games in a weekly basis or something like that. Imagine an AD&D game where the healer doesn't show up. Or the person whose quest the group was working on couldn't show.

Yes, we had backup plans for those days, usually involving all pulling out disposable characters and having a romp through some random stuff or a mini adventure.

Every now and then someone would drop in (no cellphones in those days) and tell us they had a date. Do you think we gave them flak? Heck no. We congratulated them and told them they were a fool if they skipped out on a date for a game. In those days I was in the military. Do you supposed I would skip out on a military event for a game? AWOL is a pretty serious thing.

I think folks got upset when I described taking deaths in my family in stride and not letting it interrupt life. (I wasn't even RPing in those days.) I learned about the deaths by mail, not email, snail mail - 6 months after they passed. I had had the same phone number for 8 years and noone thought to call. I was always on the road, going home once a year. My father had basically put me on block (for refusing to sit and watch someone change disc brakes when I was suffering from flu). But I didn't let the news get to me. Not like there was anything I could do about it. Getting upset solved nothing. I am pragmatic like that.

Do I expect that of others? No.

 

[Chordling]

Let’s remember to be respectful during our conversations in this thread. Please take conversations to DMs if the topic trails too off from the main topic. Thank you!

 

[WhiskeyMarten]

I think I'll just leave that there

 

[A Sparkling Zombie]

I honestly think people get too up in arms about ghosting anyways, tbh. I understand it can be irritating, getting so excited for an RP just for it to fizzle out without comment but this is a hobby and no one is entitled to another person's time.

If someone needs to leave an RP, they need to leave an RP. It's part of the hobby that you learn to just move on and find another.

For sure people should have the right to drop an RP without getting flak from people. I think where ghosting becomes a pinch point is that it means the person never bothered to say anything about no longer wanting to continue the RP, or no longer being interested in a critical role of a group RP that they reserved. There are cases where real life might make communication tough or impossible for a period of time, of course, and I personally can understand wanting to avoid that kind of conversation with a really toxic personality, but in all other cases, I think that level of basic communication is just common courtesy, even if it comes delayed. Would someone not bother to let their friend/family/relative know if they won't be able to meet them at a restaurant like was planned? I understand it's difficult, especially with a relative stranger - sometimes I have to take a couple of days to muster up the energy for it, personally - but I'd rather do the right thing and give someone closure than to act like they stopped existing. It's especially important in a group context. One person dropping can really hurt a group if they're waiting for a post that's never going to come, when they could have moved on a lot sooner if the player had just taken a few minutes to be considerate.

Obviously, there are some personalities who just don't care about being considerate. It's going to happen and people just kind of need to accept it, but it would be nice if more people would be more communicative.

 

[ONI]

Werewolves but they're actually just people who turn into wolves. My disappointment, ever unquantifiable.

 

[nerdy tangents]

A Sparkling Zombie I feel like when you make it about you and what your owed it makes it harder for other people to communicate with you honestly. Because they know going into it that it's going to be a confrontation and your going to get upset. It doesn't matter if you say "I won't get mad if you just let me know". Because you have said you consider leaving a roleplay inconsiderate you have automatically put them on the defensive.

A better way to handle it is to just accept that sometimes people leave and it has nothing to do with you. As was mentioned before sometimes people just have chaotic lives and they can't or don't feel comfortable communicating that with you. That likelihood is going to go up if you already seem like someone who is going to get angry or upset at them if they have to leave.

I find that just having a system in place for when people have to leave and communicating that with your partners takes away a lot of the stress on both sides. Your partner/group knows what will happen if they have to leave and you aren't waiting around if something unexpected happens in other people's lives.

Because I do agree that communication is key. I just think you should focus more on the part of the communication you can control and let your partner do the same. I get partners all the time who have to leave for weeks to months at a time. I never cause a fuss, just putting things on hold or hiatus as needed. And every time the partner will come back if they are still interested in the roleplay. And even the ones who aren't interested in the initial idea are usually happy to come up with other ideas down the line. Because they know going into it that I'm gonna be a pretty laid back partner.

And for folks who have chaotic schedules or who are maybe not comfortable with confrontation. That goes a long way further to make them communicate with me then just being like "you let me know if this thing happens."


edited.

 

[Scoundrel]

I kind of hate how some people join what's supposed to be a romance rp yet refuse to plan out any actual romance between the characters.

 

[A Sparkling Zombie]

Because you have said you consider leaving a roleplay inconsiderate you have automatically put them on the defensive.

I feel like there is a misunderstanding. I didn't say that it's inconsiderate to leave a roleplay. I don't see it that way at all and I want to make that clear. But I did mean that it can be inconsiderate to lose interest and not say anything, particularly if the personality one is dealing with isn't known to be toxic.

If someone announces that they have lost interest in a roleplay or they're too busy to continue it, that's okay! They don't even have to give a reason for dropping it; I'll understand. I usually let them know I'm open to continuing it later or doing something new. If someone disappears because of real life, hey, I totally get that. If that's the case, I'll maybe shoot them a message to let them know I'm happy to write with them again when they return. If they return and never respond, no hard feelings. And if someone has been silent on the roleplay for a couple of weeks, while still being present, in DMs or on the site, I'll check in with them and see how they're feeling. I'm patient. I've had partners where there's been posts once a month, and they've been some of my favorites, but I want to check in so we can be on the same page as to whether the roleplay is still active.

But if I check in with someone who has been actively present and they don't respond, then yes, I feel like that's saying something.

It doesn't really upset me, though. As I was saying earlier, it's an inevitability that a person is going to encounter someone who decides not to be communicative, and they need to just accept that and not be bitter about it. However, personally, while I can accept that someone decided not to communicate, I'm not going to be inclined to write with them again, either. I'm not begrudging them for it, but that basic level of communication is what I seek in a partner and I like courtesies.

I'm someone who fears confrontation, but I'll still take the time to communicate that I want/need to drop a roleplay if I've joined or have reserved a spot, because I think the right thing is to give them closure than to cave to my own comfort level. That feels selfish to me, personally. I can understand that some people can't or don't want to muster up that strength, but that's in small part why I try to be friendly when I open that line of communication, to hopefully make them more comfortable.

As far as groups, I definitely agree that they need to have contingencies, but I still think it's inconsiderate to join a roleplay, lose interest, and then basically leave without saying anything. Like I said, this scenario is an inevitability, because you're right, we can only control what we do, but I'm still going to call it what I think it is, and I'm still going to encourage people to be communicative about their loss of interest.

 

[Malloren Mercury]

Whenever someone tries to be open-minded in terms of pairings but hits with the: "I don't mind M/M or F/F...As long as they're side or background characters."

Walking red flag, no thanks. It's actually hurtful to read that.

 

[.MAELSTROM.]

"I don't mind M/M or F/F...As long as they're side or background characters."

Or even better: "I don't write M/M or F/F because I don't know how to/don't have the experience/think gay people are reptilian overlords wearing skin suits that act completely different compared to hetero relationships."

 

[sfiorare]

Or even better: "I don't write M/M or F/F because I don't know how to/don't have the experience/think gay people are reptilian overlords wearing skin suits that act completely different compared to hetero relationships."

it's 2022 and people are still saying they don't know how to 'write gay people' just say you're homophobic and go lmfao

 

[.MAELSTROM.]

it's 2022 and people are still saying they don't know how to 'write gay people' just say you're homophobic and go lmfao

Right? It's like...come on. You write it the same way you'd write any other character or relationship. I can respect people saying they don't want to write it just because (since y'know, a lot of us only want to write queer relationships), but at least have the balls to come out and say that instead of trying to be all 'b-bUT i don't know HOW to!!' The casually veiled homophobia of implying that gay people aren't just like every other regular person isn't a lewk, mawma.

 

[sfiorare]

Right? It's like...come on. You write it the same way you'd write any other character or relationship. I can respect people saying they don't want to write it just because (since y'know, a lot of us only want to write queer relationships), but at least have the balls to come out and say that instead of trying to be all 'b-bUT i don't know HOW to!!' The casually veiled homophobia of implying that gay people aren't just like every other regular person isn't a lewk, mawma.

this topic is literally a can of worms in and of itself but it rlly shouldn't even exist in the first place for all the reasons you listed. idk, just write them like any other character??? we're literally just like straight people, we only have one difference and it's not even a big enough deal to prevent you from 'not knowing' how to write them.

 

[Chordling]

I blame a lot of media for improper lgbtq+ relationship representation and I think it has negatively contributed to people's confidence in portraying/writing those types of relationships in their own work.

 

[Mitheral]

Whenever someone tries to be open-minded in terms of pairings but hits with the: "I don't mind M/M or F/F...As long as they're side or background characters."

Walking red flag, no thanks. It's actually hurtful to read that.

Not even a red flag to me. I can't tell what they mean. I guess I am missing some context. 1x1? Group?

Personally I don't run myself in M/M relationships largely because I can't see MYSELF in such a role. I mean ... eeww? But to each their own. I have had friends who were gay. My Best Man when I got married was always off in marches. He had two uncles who died from AIDS. (I met one shortly before he passed.) Good friend. And the times I was asked out I had to politely tell people "No, I'm straight. Sorry man."

I do have a couple characters who are M/M or F/F. But I use them as NPCs. That is what they were created to be. I'll at least be straight up and honest that I won't run them romantically except in the background. In other words, not really a doubling. In fact, I have had one writing partner run a romantic partner for one of those characters. That was because she wanted to give a character a story arc. We already had a doubling going. I had the characters and she knew about them. LOL, the M/M one had been pining for another member of the group's character in an earlier RP - not that he ever found out because it was very clear that he was homophobic.

 

[Malloren Mercury]

Not even a red flag to me. I can't tell what they mean. I guess I am missing some context. 1x1? Group?

Personally I don't run myself in M/M relationships largely because I can't see MYSELF in such a role. I mean ... eeww? But to each their own. I have had friends who were gay. My Best Man when I got married was always off in marches. He had two uncles who died from AIDS. (I met one shortly before he passed.) Good friend. And the times I was asked out I had to politely tell people "No, I'm straight. Sorry man."

I do have a couple characters who are M/M or F/F. But I use them as NPCs. That is what they were created to be. I'll at least be straight up and honest that I won't run them romantically except in the background. In other words, not really a doubling. In fact, I have had one writing partner run a romantic partner for one of those characters. That was because she wanted to give a character a story arc. We already had a doubling going. I had the characters and she knew about them. LOL, the M/M one had been pining for another member of the group's character in an earlier RP - not that he ever found out because it was very clear that he was homophobic.

It matters not on 1x1 or group. This is a character issue, controlling what someone writes.

Ah. Here let me clear this up for you then--They mean 'indirectly' one of the main characters "cannot" be gay. It's a stereotypical trope in many works that any LGBT+ character has to be a support, side, or background character. So yes, it's a red flag for many. But well. Please understand while this may not affect you, it certainly affects everyone else who identifies as LGBT+ and more.

Thank you for reading.

 

[Melpomene]

It matters not on 1x1 or group. This is a character issue, controlling what someone writes.

Ah. Here let me clear this up for you then--They mean 'indirectly' one of the main characters "cannot" be gay. It's a stereotypical trope in many works that any LGBT+ character has to be a support, side, or background character. So yes, it's a red flag for many. But well. Please understand while this may not affect you, it certainly affects everyone else who identifies as LGBT+ and more.

Thank you for reading.

What gets me is when my partner won't even let my character be Bi. Like huh . You can't claim you are LGBTQ friendly but in the same breath say that I can't have a character that doesn't perfectly fall under the straight umbrella, even if they are in a straight relationship during the RP.

Like why does it matter, bro? You aren't even RPing a 'gay' relationship, just a relationship that one of the members happens to be part of the LGBTQ.

 

[Malloren Mercury]

What gets me is when my partner won't even let my character be Bi. Like huh . You can't claim you are LGBTQ friendly but in the same breath say that I can't have a character that doesn't perfectly fall under the straight umbrella, even if they are in a straight relationship during the RP.

Like why does it matter, bro? You aren't even RPing a 'gay' relationship, just a relationship that one of the members happens to be part of the LGBTQ.

Oh no! ;; Please remember you are your own writer, and you reserve the right to terminate a RP if your partner is trying to be controlling. This act/reminder serves as a boundary, and we all need a bit of that in our lives. I'm sorry you have to go through that. They don't sound too nice. You're the writer here! Doing all the work, too. Writing characters is hard work. :'I

 

[Onmyoji]

Please don't derail the thread. At this point it's no longer about roleplaying, and would be better suited for General Discussion, if you wish to continue the topic.

Generally, please be more considerate, there are topics that may be uncomfortable for some people and discriminatory comments are not helpful.