Experiences Whats making you angry today? Rp pet peeves

[nerdy tangents]

viceroy certainly I am not saying people aren’t entitled to being frustrated. But what I see happen time and time again is they take that frustration to unhealthy extremes.

Am I a little sad when someone leaves a roleplay I was excited about? Sure.

But I don’t let it ruin the entire roleplay or take the fun of the hobby away. I am not saying the OP was doing anything other then venting. That’s fine.

But a lot of people on this site don’t stop at simple venting. They will build up their resentments until the entire process of roleplaying is ruined because they keep getting ghosted or their roleplays don’t pan out.

That is the attitude I was talking about. When you get so in your feeling about being “ignored “ that you basically start resenting roleplaying entirely.

Which granted is rather the extreme version of the current topic. But it’s also sadly common, I have talked to plenty of people who just get so in their feelings about being ignored that they are no longer fun to roleplay with.

Even if I don’t plan on leaving without a word, it doesn’t make it any more fun to listen to my partner complain about how they keep getting ignored or ghosted or how everyone hates them.

 

[Wandering Fae]

viceroy certainly I am not saying people aren’t entitled to being frustrated. But what I see happen time and time again is they take that frustration to unhealthy extremes.

Am I a little sad when someone leaves a roleplay I was excited about? Sure.

But I don’t let it ruin the entire roleplay or take the fun of the hobby away. I am not saying the OP was doing anything other then venting. That’s fine.

But a lot of people on this site don’t stop at simple venting. They will build up their resentments until the entire process of roleplaying is ruined because they keep getting ghosted or their roleplays don’t pan out.

That is the attitude I was talking about. When you get so in your feeling about being “ignored “ that you basically start resenting roleplaying entirely.

Which granted is rather the extreme version of the current topic. But it’s also sadly common, I have talked to plenty of people who just get so in their feelings about being ignored that they are no longer fun to roleplay with.

Even if I don’t plan on leaving without a word, it doesn’t make it any more fun to listen to my partner complain about how they keep getting ignored or ghosted or how everyone hates them.

Well, repetition of an event tends to have that effect on people, after something happens to you so many times it tends to leave a sour taste in your mouth and can very well leave you with a negative outlook on things related to it. This isn't just true in RP but in everything. I know women who hate men and think all men are trash because they were constantly cheated on or mistreated by men, I know men who think all women are gold diggers and only care about money or looks because all their past relationships panned out that way. I myself used to have a bad image of myself because I bullied in school and constantly told I was ugly so when people used to say I was pretty or guys would ask me out I would think it was trick and they were trying to make fun of me because I had it in my head that I was ugly after being told so for so long.

If you are constantly being ignored/ghosted by people eventually it's probably going to make you bitter towards the whole situation.

 

[viceroy]

nerdy tangents That makes more sense. Your original point went over my head. I would agree with you then. Being ghosted shouldn't ruin roleplaying for someone at all. From my own experience, people who get that hung up over being ghosted and assume the worst (e.g. everyone hating them as you said) have a deeper issue going on in their life or mental state that is only perpetuated by those who ghost them in what could be one of their favorite hobbies.

But, this does remind me of another issue; particularly venting that is uncalled for. Just because someone is roleplaying with you or is your friend (not talking about you specifically by the way) doesn't mean they are allowed to dump personal vents on you without your permission. I am usually flattered that someone trusts me that much and is comfortable enough around me to do so when that happens, but sometimes I'm just not ready or am having a bad day myself. Also, I absolutely don't have the life experience or training to assist people in the way they need. Suffice to say, it's really not great to have to deal with 2 different people in the same group share their harmful activities and thoughts that they entertained that day. It can be very stressful even though you know you are not and should not be responsible for someone who lives 1,000+ miles away from you that you've never met in real life.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Wandering Fae I think viceroy hit the nail on the head with what I was getting at.

If you are letting past experience negatively affect your current relationships then you probably need to seek professional help. It’s not fair to ask a roleplay partner to be an unpaid therapist for your trauma.

I had someone who was clinically depressed talk to me a few months back. They were technically not officially diagnosed but only because they refused to go to a therapist or take the advice of their doctor.

So instead they decided to unload on their roleplay partners (and me) about their feelings of worthlessness and such.

They were also once of those people who blew ghosting out of the water. Because they saw it as yet one more sign that they were ultimately unloveable.

Not saying everyone who feels that ways is clinically depressed obviously.

(( edited to be less arm chair diagnos-y)

My point is you get back what you put out into the world. You get mad about getting ghosted is just gonna increase the chances of you being ghosted.

Because it won’t solve the initial problem and it will also push away people who might be more communicative because they get tired of being punished for stuff they didn’t do to you personally.

It’s why I stress not taking things personally. Because ultimately the only person who is hurt by ghosting is you. Not because you get left but because you let something you can’t control ruin your enjoyment of a hobby.

 

[Wandering Fae]

Wandering Fae I think viceroy hit the nail on the head with what I was getting at.

If you are letting past experience negatively affect your current relationships then you probably need to seek professional help. It’s not fair to ask a roleplay partner to be an unpaid therapist for your trauma.

I had someone who was clinically depressed talk to me a few months back. They were technically not officially diagnosed but only because they refused to go to a therapist or take the advice of their doctor.

So instead they decided to unload on their roleplay partners (and me) about their feelings of worthlessness and such.

They were also once of those people who blew ghosting out of the water. Because they saw it as yet one more sign that they were ultimately unloveable.

Not saying everyone who feels that ways is clinically depressed obviously.

Just if you are going to reach the point where you automatically assume every interaction is automatically going to be negative you are doing yourself a disservice and you should probably talk to a professional about that. Cuz it’s super unhealthy.

Even if it seems like a silly thing. Like oh I’m mad cuz people ghost and it makes me resent my partners. That may not seem like a big deal but as someone who has mental illness and whose family has both mental illness and some unhealthy coping mechanism.

That shit snowballs. It’s often the silly things that are the warnings of deeper issues.

Oh I agree with that, no you shouldn't dump all of your problems on your RP partner and yes if you are feeling that badly about a situation you should seek help. However, I am saying that your actions have an effect on people and it can contribute to making something worse and I don't think it's asking too much that we as people are better about communicating to minimize the negative effect we might have on other people instead of making the people who feel upset feel bad about he fact that they are upset and that them being upset is entirely on them. Yes it's important to understand that even if someone has wronged you that sometimes you're not going to get an apology or any sort of closure on the situation so it's best to learn how to cope and move on. I get what you are saying about the extreme cases however, I am asking why at least to me it seems like people have such an issue with even the suggestion of having better communication? Not saying you specifically but I have seen it a decent bit that it's on the person not being responded to for whatever reason to be the bigger person, learn to cope, not take it so personally and move on and I don't disagree with any of those things as they are better for the individual over all. However, anytime it is suggested that people work on their social anxieties, work on having better communication, just be upfront with people and be mindful of how their actions might effect someone there always seems to be a lot of push back on this idea.

 

[Merciless Medic]

However, anytime it is suggested that people work on their social anxieties, work on having better communication, just be upfront with people and be mindful of how their actions might effect someone there always seems to be a lot of push back on this idea.

As a stubborn person with anxieties of my own, I constantly think that reframing my thoughts and trying to be better won't work, even though past experiences using this has told me it will work. It's this negative mindset that isn't just in your RP life, but also in everything else, as well. It bleeds into things you love and enjoy and it can become difficult to be open-minded enough, even when well-meaning people like friends and family try to help. Your own insight can be used here, where people hear something about themselves for so often that it can bleed into interactions with others, making you more and more paranoid and less trusting of others when they tell you differently. This is exactly this, but it's more of a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think it won't get better, and your mind will start to see all the negatives to support your point, even though it's obviously a flawed way of viewing it. It happens to everyone. It can even work for those who are positive, seeing only all the positives to support your point, even though this is equally as flawed.

While people should work better on communicating, it's something that others are against due to their mental situations and their idea of them being "better" is not going to happen, or they don't want to take advice from a stranger, let alone advice from anyone who doesn't know them. Some people are just assholes, and prefer not to be communicative because what's the point, they are unlikeable anyway.

Some are open to the learning thing, others aren't. You and yourself handling your reactions and your own emotions against what others may do and how others go about it is the most important thing. Those people may not want to change and they are against it in one way or another. Yes, if you are open to learning, then you can become a better person and set a better example (and maybe have a better frame of mind, too). But the one thing I was told by my uncle was the best damn advice I've ever heard.

"Your emotions are your controller or remote. You reacting too emotionally to someone is like giving your remote away, and they can further keep pushing your buttons, further making you more and more upset. Don't give that remote to anybody else, and you'll have a better maintained remote that isn't being passed around to everyone else's grubby, little fingers."

You can't control anybody else unless they give you their controller in order to control their emotions. You can't control other people's mindedness on learning to be better communicators and getting better with their anxieties however. You can only control how you go about it and your reactions thusly.

If everyone were open to the idea, I'd say this would be an amazing idea. However, people who don't want to learn and those who are aware that the masses won't want to learn are against it because no one will listen to the advice that makes them better because they think it won't change anything, even though it will.

I agree with you, I just don't think anybody else that this whole argument is targeted towards will want to change, even if it helps them in the long run. Kind of cynical of me to say, but people are just that resistant to change because that's the only thing they've known.

 

[Tahira]

The 42 people who didn't read the basic info on my sheet and demand romance as a male from my lesbian monster slayer.

 

[Wandering Fae]

As a stubborn person with anxieties of my own, I constantly think that reframing my thoughts and trying to be better won't work, even though past experiences using this has told me it will work. It's this negative mindset that isn't just in your RP life, but also in everything else, as well. It bleeds into things you love and enjoy and it can become difficult to be open-minded enough, even when well-meaning people like friends and family try to help. Your own insight can be used here, where people hear something about themselves for so often that it can bleed into interactions with others, making you more and more paranoid and less trusting of others when they tell you differently. This is exactly this, but it's more of a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think it won't get better, and your mind will start to see all the negatives to support your point, even though it's obviously a flawed way of viewing it. It happens to everyone. It can even work for those who are positive, seeing only all the positives to support your point, even though this is equally as flawed.

While people should work better on communicating, it's something that others are against due to their mental situations and their idea of them being "better" is not going to happen, or they don't want to take advice from a stranger, let alone advice from anyone who doesn't know them. Some people are just assholes, and prefer not to be communicative because what's the point, they are unlikeable anyway.

Some are open to the learning thing, others aren't. You and yourself handling your reactions and your own emotions against what others may do and how others go about it is the most important thing. Those people may not want to change and they are against it in one way or another. Yes, if you are open to learning, then you can become a better person and set a better example (and maybe have a better frame of mind, too). But the one thing I was told by my uncle was the best damn advice I've ever heard.

"Your emotions are your controller or remote. You reacting too emotionally to someone is like giving your remote away, and they can further keep pushing your buttons, further making you more and more upset. Don't give that remote to anybody else, and you'll have a better maintained remote that isn't being passed around to everyone else's grubby, little fingers."

You can't control anybody else unless they give you their controller in order to control their emotions. You can't control other people's mindedness on learning to be better communicators and getting better with their anxieties, however. You can only control how you go about it and your reactions thusly.

If everyone were open to the idea, I'd say this would be an amazing idea. However, people who don't want to learn and those who are aware that the masses won't want to learn are against it because no one will listen to the advice that makes them better because they think it won't change anything, even though it will.

I agree with you, I just don't think anybody else that this whole argument is targeted towards will want to change, even if it helps them in the long run. Kind of cynical of me to say, but people are just that resistant to change because that's the only thing they've known.

I understand that but I also don't think it help when other people contribute to that mindset. We are willing to tell someone not to feel entitled to a response, not to take it personally, to be the bigger person, cope, and move on. We are willing to tell someone that they shouldn't allow a negative experience to affect their entire outlook (which I agree with) however, we are not willing to tell people to work on better communication. To me these issues are two sides of the same coin so why is it that we go full force on only one half of the coin? Not saying you specifically and it's mostly an example, but if I advise someone not to take ghosting personally and so on, pretty much everyone will agree with me, almost everyone will back me up and even add on to that statement. However, if I suggest that we should work on better communication etc. Then I'll get pushback from almost everyone.

Just like I said earlier with a person's perception of things being affected by the information they are given which is why most people assume you are ghosting them if you don't respond to them for a long period of time but you've been online, it applies here too. It doesn't help a person's mindset when people basically say that you don't need to work on your anxieties even if just like with the other half of the coin doing so would be better for your own mental health as well as others.

I mean think about that, we tell one they need to work on their insecurities but basically tell the other they don't need to work on their anxieties. We tell one not to assume the worst and be patient, but we don't tell the other that they should work on being upfront and communicating better. We tell one not to be so emotional but we don't tell the other to be mindful of how their actions affect people.

The people who the argument is directed at sure enough they may not see the point in working on it because they don't see the point and think it won't work/change anything, but why are the people around them also opposed to it as well?

 

[Daisie]

Hey again y'all Can we make sure to get back on topic again? If you want to keep discussing, feel free to take it to another thread or a private message!

 

[Wandering Fae]

Hey again y'all Can we make sure to get back on topic again? If you want to keep discussing, feel free to take it to another thread or a private message!

Right sorry about that.

 

[Merciless Medic]

Whoops. xD

Anyway, this is a very small pet peeve, but waiting to get an RP started. XD lmao, no hate to long processes like character reviews and stuff, I'm just excited and generally anxious until we get to starting. xD

 

[Coco Adel]

People that are low-key racist, people that lowkey wanna act like I've committed some sort of taboo by making a black character like they act super weird about it and are clearly uncomfortable and aren't as enthusiastic because my character is black. (I am black by the way, not that I would care if someone who wasn't made a black character just putting into perspective that I the black girl indeed sometimes like to make black characters...shocker)

 

[Wandering Fae]

This isn't exactly an RP thing...but who's bright idea was it to put the edit button smack dab right in the middle of the report and delete button?

 

[Melpomene]

People that are low-key racist, people that lowkey wanna act like I've committed some sort of taboo by making a black character like they act super weird about it and are clearly uncomfortable and aren't as enthusiastic because my character is black. (I am black by the way, not that I would care if someone who wasn't made a black character just putting into perspective that I the black girl indeed sometimes like to make black characters...shocker)

The horrid taboo of not writing a cis white character you're forcing people to have diversity in their stories.

As another black person who sometimes wants to write black characters... I feel.

 

[Coco Adel]

The horrid taboo of not writing a cis white character you're forcing people to have diversity in their stories.

As another black person who sometimes wants to write black characters... I feel.

Oddly enough my worst experience was the person who was just a little too excited about my character being black and would call attention to her complexion all the time at the weirdest moments. Like his character was white, didn't care about that but in any scene where they had any sort of contact he'd slip in a line about their contrasting skin colors...okay why is that so important to slip in there at every turn my dude?

 

[nerdy tangents]

That reminds me of the time I did the ultimate sin of playing a teenager in a high school roleplay.

The funny thing it wasn’t even a race thing (personally wouldn’t have minded playing a different race but sadly you just get more variety of body type and appearance with white face claims).

Anyway my character had frizzy hair, acne, and just in general looked like an actual teenager. (The face claim didn’t have acne but I put it in the descriptor).

And I was legit told my character wasn’t pretty enough for the roleplay. Like oh I’m sorry I didn’t realize high school had a beauty requirement.

 

[Wandering Fae]

The "I had a shitty childhood so all the fucked up shit I do is okay because you should feel bad for me characters"

 

[nerdy tangents]

The "I had a shitty childhood so all the fucked up shit I do is okay because you should feel bad for me characters"

In fairness this is 1000% a realistic mentality that people have. So I always give that a pass as long as it's clear the player understands their character is flawed. If I as the player am supposed to feel sorry for the characters then that's a no go. If the characters are then that's honestly pretty realistic to a certain kind of manipulative person.

 

[Wandering Fae]

In fairness this is 1000% a realistic mentality that people have. So I always give that a pass as long as it's clear the player understands their character is flawed. If I as the player am supposed to feel sorry for the characters then that's a no go. If the characters are then that's honestly pretty realistic to a certain kind of manipulative person.

To be more clear about what I mean, I mean like problem characters that are nothing but disruptive to the RP and then the tragic backstory is just thrown in there as an excuse whenever someone calls them out on it. The type of characters that never grow or develop and it's clears they're just there to be dick but they don't want the other characters to dislike their character and then they'll also use the tragic backstory to try and weasel their way into getting everything they want. Like that one dude who used his tragic backstory to try and gain sympathy from my own character so she'd be his girlfriend.

 

[nerdy tangents]

To be more clear about what I mean, I mean like problem characters that are nothing but disruptive to the RP and then the tragic backstory is just thrown in there as an excuse whenever someone calls them out on it. The type of characters that never grow or develop and it's clears they're just there to be dick but they don't want the other characters to dislike their character and then they'll also use the tragic backstory to try and weasel their way into getting everything they want. Like that one dude who used his tragic backstory to try and gain sympathy from my own character so she'd be his girlfriend.

Yeah tbh I know people IRL who do that. I think with roleplays it’s usually the player that makes or breaks that particular archetype.

Because there is nothing wrong with writing an asshole who doesn’t want to be held accountable for their actions. That’s honestly pretty basic “antagonist” archetype.

The issue comes when it’s the player who is dodging accountability. And that usually manifests when they get angry if your character doesn’t play along.

So like if the character your playing calls out the asshole character for their behavior and the PLAYER gets upset then that’s a problem.

If your character calls out the asshole character and the player just rolls with it then that’s a pretty realistic interaction.

I mean it does sort of depend on how your own character interacts with conflict but that’s getting a bit off topic.

At the end of the day I think that makes a character unbearable is not “writing a character that refuses to grow”. Those kind of characters can honestly be some of the most fun to play against. Because they force the characters around them out of their shell and to kinda step up in uncomfortable situations.

The problem comes when some player pitches a fit OOC because their character isn’t treated like a flawless hero. Which isn’t a character flaw so much as it’s a writer flaw. Cuz that person clearly needs validation for themselves and is using a proxy (their character) to get it.

 

[Wandering Fae]

Yeah tbh I know people IRL who do that. I think with roleplays it’s usually the player that makes or breaks that particular archetype.

Because there is nothing wrong with writing an asshole who doesn’t want to be held accountable for their actions. That’s honestly pretty basic “antagonist” archetype.

The issue comes when it’s the player who is dodging accountability. And that usually manifests when they get angry if your character doesn’t play along.

So like if the character your playing calls out the asshole character for their behavior and the PLAYER gets upset then that’s a problem.

If your character calls out the asshole character and the player just rolls with it then that’s a pretty realistic interaction.

I mean it does sort of depend on how your own character interacts with conflict but that’s getting a bit off topic.

At the end of the day I think that makes a character unbearable is not “writing a character that refuses to grow”. Those kind of characters can honestly be some of the most fun to play against. Because they force the characters around them out of their shell and to kinda step up in uncomfortable situations.

The problem comes when some player pitches a fit OOC because their character isn’t treated like a flawless hero. Which isn’t a character flaw so much as it’s a writer flaw. Cuz that person clearly needs validation for themselves and is using a proxy (their character) to get it.

I have no problem with a character that refuses to grow my point is when the player just wants everyone to swallow it, like they want their character to be loved everyone but their character is constantly being a dick but expect the other characters to just overlook it and love them anyway and then they throw in the tragic backstory expecting everyone to just pat them on the back and say "Oh poor baby"

Like the situation I was talking about, the dude's character had basically been harassing my character from the start, constantly starting fights with her so obviously she wasn't going to like him, then he threw in the tragic backstory to try and gain sympathy from her so she'd be his girlfriend and she empathized with him...but she still didn't like him it was basically "Okay that's sad and I'm sorry that happened to you...but I still don't like you," (My character was a faery, she was very blunt)

 

[nerdy tangents]

I have no problem with a character that refuses to grow my point is when the player just wants everyone to swallow it, like they want their character to be loved everyone but their character is constantly being a dick but expect the other characters to just overlook it and love them anyway and then they grow in the tragic backstory expecting everyone to just pat them on the back and say "Oh poor baby"

Like the situation I was talking about, the dude's character had basically been harassing my character from the start, constantly starting fights with her so obviously she wasn't going to like him, then he threw in the tragic backstory to try and vain sympathy from her so she'd be his girlfriend and she empathized with him...but when still didn't like him it was basically "Okay that's sad and I'm sorry that happened to you...but I still don't like you," (My character was a faery, she was very blunt)

No I understand I think what is getting lost in translation is that a player is not the same as a character.

So what your describing is not a manipulative character at all. It’s a manipulative player.

They’re just telling on themselves with the character. Which is what I call it when a person writes a character they think is a hero but it really just illustrates what a shitty person they are IRL.

An example of this I had a partner years ago write a classist character. They treated my character like absolute trash because she was lower class. I had nothing against that and just wrote my character trying to deal with this classist behavior.

Well the player would get mad because I was calling the character classist in the OOC. Like it wasn’t even like my character was doing anything negative (she was a bit of a pushover). So it was all about me aplayer trying to set up storylines.

To me that situation : a player pitching a fit because I said mean things about their character as a player (or as in your case when the characters treat negative behavior appropriately).

That is ultimately not a problem with how a character is written. That is all about a player wanting to get validation and pitching a fit when that doesn’t happen.

I clarify that because a player problem is a lot harder to solver then a character one. If you don’t like the way a character is written that’s ultimately more of a you problem.

If you don’t like how a player is behaving that is a them problem x

 

[Chimeric]

You're a saint.
I am 300% that one person who starts a roleplay than ghosts once the story gets going. I've had multiple roleplays that lasted 4 years plus, but the vast majority of them probably last a month at best. It's either A) Life gets in the way or B) I'm feeling so self-conscious about my writing that I miss a day, then the next day feel bad about it and want it to be a really good so that fails for the same reason, then by the 4th day I just don't reply out of shame. I'm still excited about my plots and there are roleplays I definitely wish I could just pick up where we left off.

I can't explain the amount of how often I feel this. I don't try to ghost, I usually say something along the lines of, I'm really sorry but I'm going to drop this. But it starts to feel worst instead of just leaving without saying anything.

The funny thing is I used to be someone who could handle being away from a thread for a long time and then come back like it was nothing. The partnership in writing and having fun was just that awesome. But nowadays I feel really pressured or really overcritical of my work, from writing to creating my characters. I'm trying to work on it a lot more though. I'm not sure what happened.

I know this post was long ago but I felt the need to say something. And this is essentially what makes me angry and frustrated with myself.

 

[bastion]

Tfw someone in a group posts a bunch of memes about how no one likes their character to be "funny"

Like, maybe they are actually laughing over how no one likes their character, but it just feels like they're sulking and trying to make us feel guilty. I could handle the occasional joke, but they just. Keep. Posting. Them.

 

[Wandering Fae]

I know it's been posted before but that person who replies to your interest check just to tell you they can't do what you've asked for...then why are you responding? Like for example say you're looking for a male character to play against and they come to you with "I'm not good at playing male characters but I can play a female for you"...why would you do that? Why?

And you know I wouldn't mind it if you PM'd me for something separate from my interest check to ask me things like this...but when you are specifically answering my interest check...why?