Comicwolf
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Experiences Whats making you angry today? Rp pet peeves
- Thread starter iMeisaki
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nerdy tangents
One Thousand Club
So I do alternate universe characters a lot in roleplays. And you would be surprised at how different the end result becomes when you put a canon in a new set of circumstances.
It really can become an OC with the same name and face.
Now luckily enough the MCU (and DC universe for that matter) have a mechanic in place for that with Variants/Dopplegangers.
So I would just clarify they wanted to do a variant of whomever from Earth blah blah and move on.
webhead.
New Member
no, that's just playing a canon character inaccurately. that's not what they're doing though. they're taking the character and they're passing it off as a character they came up with and put work into, not saying "this is a variant of a canon character trhat i would like to play" - it's "this is my original character, i just took inspiration from so and so" when there's really little to no difference. they never say that it's an 'alternate universe' version - and if i point it out, they get offended and insist the character is somehow different from harley quinn or whoever. i've done au roleplays before, that's not what i'm talking about.
nerdy tangents
One Thousand Club
Ah my mistake, yeah I got that a long time ago when I did groups. I don’t think it ever bothered me cuz I’m also not always super creative with character creation. I mean I would at least acknowledge I was making a canon variant but it wouldn’t bug me if my partner didn’t.
I think because I’m used to newbies who say a character is one thing but when you get to the roleplay the character is totally different. I just like “meh they’re new whatever.”
But my fandom also allows for weird doppelgänger BS as a part of the mechanics. And I would just be like “I don’t care what they say it’s a variant and we are just gonna move on from there.”
If ya wanna be a little mean you can mention it in the roleplay itself. That’s how I got away from using actor face claims. Someone had their character mention that mine looked like Selena Gomez. It wasn’t in a snide or mean way but it got through to me “oh I wasn’t supposed to do that”.
But I have a thick skin and your partners might not. So I would adjust accordingly,
webhead.
New Member
i just tell them that i'm not interested. i've been roleplaying for long enough that i can't be bothered to sit through things that i don't actually enjoy; not that i'll cancel a roleplay the second someone does something that i personally don't like, cause i wouldn't get anywhere like that. but i like writing with people who make fun and unique characters, at the very least ocs who are actually ocs, so usually when someone shows me their 'totally not felicia hardy' oc, i check out.
and i know that a lot of fandoms, marvel included, do that a lot.. i mean deadpool is just a deathstroke ripoff, felicia hardy herself is obviously mcu selina kyle, but that's kinda beside the point. my whole thing is like.. if they wanna make a character who's just a ripoff then why not just play the canon character that they're copying in the first place? i dunno, that's just how i feel about it.
nerdy tangents
One Thousand Club
Something I was reminded of recently : when people act like sexuality is a binary. Your either straight or not straight. And being non straight makes you a shameful weirdo.
like I had people who wouldn’t even pretend that bisexual people exist in made up roleplay universes because it makes them uncomfortable.
every single character had to be default heterosexual in order for them to be comfortable writing a made up story.
It’s why I put LGBTQ+ in my searches now. It saves me having to listen bigots justify themselves.
like I had people who wouldn’t even pretend that bisexual people exist in made up roleplay universes because it makes them uncomfortable.
every single character had to be default heterosexual in order for them to be comfortable writing a made up story.
It’s why I put LGBTQ+ in my searches now. It saves me having to listen bigots justify themselves.
Melpomene
Writer of Tragedy|Art by ROYTHEART|
Jesus Christ almighty I hate this. Like it is one thing to only want to RP heterosexual romances - that is understandable. Many people RP to escape and such so I can't blame you for wanting a romance that reflects what you would want IRL.
But to go on and basically demand there be no other sexualities in this entire world makes me side-eye. Like... what is the damage with NPC #34920 having a sexuality outside of heterosexual? Let him be a happy gay man. It won't affect the romance and quite frankly there is a good chance he won't have much screentime. Or even why can't my character be Bi/Pan? They are still going to be in a heterosexual relationship, they just aren't heterosexual themselves.
Tbh I rarely make a fully heterosexual character so... I am really only compatible with people who are fine with that lol.
To add to the thread:
I hate when people want for me to write characters OOC. Both for fandom and OCs.
I have not written fandom for a long time, but when I did play canon characters I always strove to try and stay as close to canon as possible. And it always... frustrated me when people wanted me to basically throw their canon personality to the wind. It is worse when people want my OCs to act OOC as well. Like... I have had partners who did not specify they wanted romance in the RP and then get upset when my OCs weren't falling in love with theirs. Which... If they were upfront about wanting romance I would have accommodated by shaping the OC in such a way before starting. But otherwise, my rule usually is that I let romance form naturally if it forms at all. So, if they wouldn't fall in love with the other character naturally... they just weren't going to do it.
webhead.
New Member
THIS. why play canon characters if you're treating them like ocs? a lot of the time, if i point out "such-and-such wouldn't act like that, it goes directly against his canon personality.." they'll be like "omg it's just fiction" ????? OKAY? DUH? fiction has rules though— which is also like when people have their characters do things that makes absolutely no sense to the laws of the universe that we're writing in, then get mad when i say it's unlikely and even try to give ways for it to be more logical.
the oc thing is so true as well. i told this guy that it would be unlikely for my character to approach his for friendship unless she wanted something from him, because that was just the nature of her personality, and he was acting like i just dissed his character or something, when i was just staying true to my character. anyway lol, sorry, bit of a rant there but i just wanna say i get it, it's so annoying.
nerdy tangents
One Thousand Club
Melpomene
exactly. I don't mind if the main romance is heterosexual. I just think it's silly to act like the very existence of non-straight characters is this huge shameful thing. It makes me think the person is going to be at best very stereotypical (cuz ya know the gays be overly sexualized in stereotypes, not that the straights are much better) or they just have a problem with LGBTQ+ plus people IRL. And since my being aro/ace is something I like to talk about in context of romantic roleplays I'm like "that's a big fat no thank you."
Aquanette
Junior Member
Signed up for an RP with someone who didn't answer me the first day which is cool, sometimes it takes a minute for people to get back to you, they replay and claim that they answer more on Discord or in emails. Okay I have a Discord and have no issue using it so I offer we can use that if that works better for them, they give me their Discord I reply to them there and...nothing, they miraculously have been on this site every day, so by their own admission, they definitely would have seen my message on Discord since they as they said answer much more on Discord than on this site which means they are ignoring me and my thing is you could have just not answered my PM on this site I would have assumed you were no longer looking or not interested. Don't give me an excuse for why you didn't answer me initially, go through the song and dance of adding me in Discord to blatantly ignore me.
Ignoring me while we're on the same site is annoying enough, but you're not the first so it'd be mildly irritating but whatever...going across platforms to ignore me is some next-level childishness I do not have the time nor the patience for.
Ignoring me while we're on the same site is annoying enough, but you're not the first so it'd be mildly irritating but whatever...going across platforms to ignore me is some next-level childishness I do not have the time nor the patience for.
webhead.
New Member
lol.. keep in mind that no one owes you anything. for example, there are times when i'm online but don't have the energy to reply, sometimes even just to certain threads, which could very well be the case with your partner. it's exhausting writing with people who have no patience whatsoever, so if they weren't ignoring you before, they probably are now. isn't it a bit ironic to call someone childish for not responding "on time" and then vague posting about them 'cause their mind isn't centering you?
Aquanette
Junior Member
Yeah I didn't get irritated for them not answering "on time" and you make it seem as though I'm here complaining after them not replying for a week, it hasn't been such a short time, it has been well over 2 months almost 3 at this point. I don't need their mind to "center on me" as you are trying to imply it and clearly no one owes me anything I never said they did, but that doesn't make it any less annoying. Just because I am mentioning it recently, doesn't mean it started recently.
Also while you're trying to get on me about vague posting about them, what would you rather I do? Would you rather I blast their name all over the thread so people know exactly who they are and start harassing them? The thread is called and I quote "What is making you angry today? Pet Peevs" which means obviously I am going to post and vent about things that are irritating me ...am I not allowed to do that? And obviously if I'm posting about it here I am no longer interested so if they want to ignore me at this point I'm totally fine with that.
webhead.
New Member
alright
nerdy tangents
One Thousand Club
I think a good rule of thumb to keep in mind is - free time does not mean availability.
I can bump a thread or reply to a discussion easily but that doesn’t mean I’m ignoring my conversations. It just means I don’t have the time or energy to give a detailed response in the moment.
Plus not for nothing but Discord specifically is notorious for eating notifications. So it’s entirely possible they didn’t actually receive your response on that site.
It’s why I always follow up on RPN if discord is being wonky. Cuz maybe they legit never got your reply on discord.
I tend to not take it personally when people reply. It’s less about “how dare this person not respond.” And “well they didn’t like my idea, it’s cool. Good luck random stranger and I’m off to find new partners.”
If ya let being “ignored” get on your nerves this hobby is going to get really old really fast.
That’s about 80% of my interactions with people on this site tbh.
I can bump a thread or reply to a discussion easily but that doesn’t mean I’m ignoring my conversations. It just means I don’t have the time or energy to give a detailed response in the moment.
Plus not for nothing but Discord specifically is notorious for eating notifications. So it’s entirely possible they didn’t actually receive your response on that site.
It’s why I always follow up on RPN if discord is being wonky. Cuz maybe they legit never got your reply on discord.
I tend to not take it personally when people reply. It’s less about “how dare this person not respond.” And “well they didn’t like my idea, it’s cool. Good luck random stranger and I’m off to find new partners.”
If ya let being “ignored” get on your nerves this hobby is going to get really old really fast.
That’s about 80% of my interactions with people on this site tbh.
Wandering Fae
Member
I've had the opposite experience, I always have gotten notifications from Discord without fail to the point where I've had to turn some off, this is typically the same experience for pretty much everyone I meet on this website as it tends to be the exact opposite, that RPN is notorious for eating up notifications so people use discord instead.
Also to play devil's advocate here, we don't know if they followed up on RPN or not, there's nothing wrong with people getting annoyed and this person may very well be ignoring them, it's not like it'd be the first time someone has done so to anyone and I've had this happen to me too, I've sat up and moved to Discord because the other person was more comfortable using discord, I've made servers and planned things out with them just for them to never reply and some of these people did not reply for well over a year, but I wasn't sure how long was being too patient so I let the servers sit there, until like last year I deleted all them servers last year. Some of them might of been busy, some of them were definitely ignoring me and some reposted my ideas on the site meaning they just used me to get ideas, it happens and there is nothing wrong with being annoyed by it as long as you don't let it sour your enjoyment for RP as a whole.
Wandering Fae
Member
Also, I think it's important that people remember this is a vent thread, and just because someone vents on here it doesn't mean this is an indication of their entire personality, sometimes people have bad days. For example, I typically don't take part in online arguments, drama, or shenanigans, but I may be particularly irritated one day and decide that I have time today. Can any of us really say that none of us have had a bad day and that something that normally doesn't bother us irritated our souls one day in particular?
nerdy tangents
One Thousand Club
I wasn’t trying to invalidate them. Just trying to help them figure out what happened. Cuz I know many Discord roleplays which don’t send notifications. I don’t know if that is just a web browser thing or what.
Like in general I think people take stuff super personally when there are other reasons for things happening that isn’t “My partner is being rude to me specifically because they don’t like me as an individual.”
It’s a mentality that is pretty common and it usually makes the person who has it way more upset then whoever isn’t responding.
like if I don’t get a notification and it takes me weeks to follow up I am not spending that time thinking “I hope my partner is miserable mwahahahaha.” But I know a lot of people who make themselves miserable because they take me not replying within a day super personally.
Which is actually a vent that I have a lot. Cuz so many people make themselves miserable (not just the OP but like a substantial portion of this site.)
Like in general I think people take stuff super personally when there are other reasons for things happening that isn’t “My partner is being rude to me specifically because they don’t like me as an individual.”
It’s a mentality that is pretty common and it usually makes the person who has it way more upset then whoever isn’t responding.
like if I don’t get a notification and it takes me weeks to follow up I am not spending that time thinking “I hope my partner is miserable mwahahahaha.” But I know a lot of people who make themselves miserable because they take me not replying within a day super personally.
Which is actually a vent that I have a lot. Cuz so many people make themselves miserable (not just the OP but like a substantial portion of this site.)
Wandering Fae
Member
I mean to be frank I don't think when people generally ignore/ghost you that it's because they don't like you as individual or hope for your suffering and I don't think that's why people get upset about it. I think it's more so seen as disrespectful an a waste of their time. Like if you didn't want to RP or you lost interest, you could have just say that instead of just having someone waiting on you when you have no intention of returning.
I think OP's issue is that the person in question could have just said this instead of taking it a whole other platform to ghost/ignore them. Now there could be reasons why the person hasn't replied to them, although being on every day for a full almost 3 months without a word is usually a pretty good indicator that they're probably ghosting you as typically when people don't reply to me for over 3 months they either haven't been on or we're barely on period, not that they were on every day, all day but I digress.
Like some people don't know how to address these things, some people don't know how to say "Hey I'm not interested" or "I've got too many partners" etc and will ghost you out of being purely uncomfortable and unsure how to address it, it doesn't meant it won't annoy or hurt the other person's feelings even if you didn't mean to. Now typically people tell you not to take it so personally, which is true, no need to get too upset about it if at all. If the person just has a lack of respect then why would you want to deal with them anyway? And if not then try not to b too hard on them. However, I do believe that we as people need to work on having better communication. I see ghosting and being ignored as a vent very often and you would think with so many people listing it that we should be able to see how it irritates/hurts people's feelings and try to work on it so that we don't end up making someone feel like crap. 9/10 their reaction is not going to be as bad as you think it is if you're upfront with them, in my experience, it's rarely ever been bad at all, people have typically been understanding if I lose interest, or even want to start over.
Coco Adel
The Abandoned Maiden
I would just like to add to the current conversation and say, not to call anyone out but speaking generally because I've seen this happen more than once on this site. I don't think we should be trying to call anyone out or shame them for vague posting about someone because aside from the fact that directly calling the person out by name would be harassment...we literally all do it. Every single last one of us has or is vague posting about someone who we have dealt with for these pet peeves to even be a problem, rather that person is from this site or another, rather it happened years ago or last night we are all vague posting about someone or a group of people.
nerdy tangents
One Thousand Club
Wandering Fae
to me the very fact people see it as “rude” is exactly the problem. That’s why I said that free time does not mean availability.Note - you = general you not Gypsy Fae specifically.
As whether you mean to or not, every time you act like your owed an explanation for someone not responding to you in what you believe is a timeline fashion.
You are absolutely acting as if the other persons free time is owed to you. That if they are online they must be entertaining or communicating with you.
But just because someone is online doesn’t mean they are available. They might be dealing with multiple conversations at once and yours just gets lost in the shuffle. They might be just doing a quick check in while they are on break at work.
They might just not know what to say to you specifically about a roleplay or idea.
So this assumption that “I am being inconvenienced specifically” is very much a personal perception.
I usually have three to four conversations going at once (mostly cuz I send out requests in batches.) I also have multiple servers on my discord. So yeah sometimes you might not here from me for two or three weeks at a time.
Not because I’m ignoring you or I’m being rude or I am going out of my way to inconvience you. But because I had a busy few weeks and maybe the notification that you sent me a reply got lost in the shuffle.
Hell it happens to me in the reverse I get people randomly pop back up after two to three weeks being like “oh shit I’m sorry.”
For that matter I have had people pop up after two to three months.
And sometimes those people end up being the best partners in the long run. Because they don’t feel like they’re being pressured to entertain me or respond on demand.
Not saying it’s anyones intention to put pressure on others or to come across as entitled, I’m just trying to say how it sounds from someone who has been in both situations.
Wandering Fae
Member
You also have to take into account that people's perceptions are shaped by past experiences and the information they receive. In general on RPN it is said by the vast majority that if a person is online for a long period of time every day and are not responding to you then they're likely ghosting you so it's not really a surprise when people jump to the conclusion that after months of you not respondnding but being online that you're ghosting them when everyone is basically telling you that this the case and as I have said before...sometimes unfortunately they really do be ghosting/ignoring you and if your past experience has been such you're more likely to think that it's the case this time around as well.
Note - you = general you not Gypsy Fae specifically.
As whether you mean to or not, every time you act like your owed an explanation for someone not responding to you in what you believe is a timeline fashion.
You are absolutely acting as if the other persons free time is owed to you. That if they are online they must be entertaining or communicating with you.
But just because someone is online doesn’t mean they are available. They might be dealing with multiple conversations at once and yours just gets lost in the shuffle. They might be just doing a quick check in while they are on break at work.
They might just not know what to say to you specifically about a roleplay or idea.
So this assumption that “I am being inconvenienced specifically” is very much a personal perception.
I usually have three to four conversations going at once (mostly cuz I send out requests in batches.) I also have multiple servers on my discord. So yeah sometimes you might not here from me for two or three weeks at a time.
Not because I’m ignoring you or I’m being rude or I am going out of my way to inconvience you. But because I had a busy few weeks and maybe the notification that you sent me a reply got lost in the shuffle.
Hell it happens to me in the reverse I get people randomly pop back up after two to three weeks being like “oh shit I’m sorry.”
For that matter I have had people pop up after two to three months.
And sometimes those people end up being the best partners in the long run. Because they don’t feel like they’re being pressured to entertain me or respond on demand.
Not saying it’s anyones intention to put pressure on others or to come across as entitled, I’m just trying to say how it sounds from someone who has been in both situations.
nerdy tangents
One Thousand Club
Wandering Fae
you misunderstand me. My point is that no one is owed a reply. It doesn't matter if that reply is to continue or end a roleplay. The point is a lot of people get in their own heads that they are owed a response because to them "ghosting" or "being ignored" is rude. But that's only because they have subconsciously decided they are owed another persons time.
But (general) you can't control other people. You can't control how their time is spent or what portion of that time is spent on (general) you specifically.
So what I find is a healthier mentality then getting all up in arms over "manners" is to accept that the only thing you can control is your own free time and availability. Acknowledge that sometimes you are not going to get a reply in a timely fashion for whatever reason. And that reason has nothing to do with you specifically.
Also usually just having a game plan for how long you wait for replies regardless of whether the other person responds to you. In my experience "rudeness" is usually the result of someone feeling like they have wasted their time. So to counteract that know from the beginning exactly how much time you are allotting to the roleplay. This way if the person leaves or stops responding you don't have to just wait around for them. You can give it the pre-alloted time for a reply then either archive or leave the conversation.
I do this all the time because about 50% of the people I talk to randomly disappear at some point in a conversation. I just kinda expect it at this point.
Wandering Fae
Member
See here is the problem with that particular statement. True enough in general no one technically owes you a reply, but just because someone doesn't technically owe you a reply does not mean that a lack of response isn't rude. In general, if someone starts a conversation with you and abruptly just stops talking to you never to respond again for seemingly absolutely no reason it's still rude and creates issues. No, you cannot control how other people behave or what they do, but I also don't think we should be going around telling people that if they decide not to respond to someone it's all on the person they didn't respond to as if their actions don't have an effect. We aren't entitled to a lot of things in this life but that doesn't mean the lack of said thing can't be rude or messed up in certain situations.
My point is that no one is owed a reply. It doesn't matter if that reply is to continue or end a roleplay. The point is a lot of people get in their own heads that they are owed a response because to them "ghosting" or "being ignored" is rude. But that's only because they have subconsciously decided they are owed another persons time.
But (general) you can't control other people. You can't control how their time is spent or what portion of that time is spent on (general) you specifically.
So what I find is a healthier mentality then getting all up in arms over "manners" is to accept that the only thing you can control is your own free time and availability. Acknowledge that sometimes you are not going to get a reply in a timely fashion for whatever reason. And that reason has nothing to do with you specifically.
Also usually just having a game plan for how long you wait for replies regardless of whether the other person responds to you. In my experience "rudeness" is usually the result of someone feeling like they have wasted their time. So to counteract that know from the beginning exactly how much time you are allotting to the roleplay. This way if the person leaves or stops responding you don't have to just wait around for them. You can give it the pre-alloted time for a reply then either archive or leave the conversation.
I do this all the time because about 50% of the people I talk to randomly disappear at some point in a conversation. I just kinda expect it at this point.
Do I believe you should get hung up over it? No, like I said if it really is them just ghosting or ignoring you then you dodged a bullet and should be grateful not to have to deal with them, if it's not then you'll find out eventually when they finally get back to you or if they're too awkward to know how to break it off then they don't have to feel bad thinking you're upset with them because you've let it go. My issue is we put a lot of pressure on people to let it go and not feel entitled to a response but we seem to have an aversion to telling people to work on having better communication when this isn't a one-sided problem.
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Coco Adel
The Abandoned Maiden
This reminds me of the subreddit AITA where you can technically be in the right but that doesn't mean you weren't being an AH. At least that is what I am sensing you're getting at.
Just so everyone knows I'm not saying anyone's an AH I was just saying it reminds me of it.
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viceroy
viceroy of disappointment
My point is that no one is owed a reply. It doesn't matter if that reply is to continue or end a roleplay. The point is a lot of people get in their own heads that they are owed a response because to them "ghosting" or "being ignored" is rude. But that's only because they have subconsciously decided they are owed another persons time.
But (general) you can't control other people. You can't control how their time is spent or what portion of that time is spent on (general) you specifically.
So what I find is a healthier mentality then getting all up in arms over "manners" is to accept that the only thing you can control is your own free time and availability. Acknowledge that sometimes you are not going to get a reply in a timely fashion for whatever reason. And that reason has nothing to do with you specifically.
Also usually just having a game plan for how long you wait for replies regardless of whether the other person responds to you. In my experience "rudeness" is usually the result of someone feeling like they have wasted their time. So to counteract that know from the beginning exactly how much time you are allotting to the roleplay. This way if the person leaves or stops responding you don't have to just wait around for them. You can give it the pre-alloted time for a reply then either archive or leave the conversation.
I do this all the time because about 50% of the people I talk to randomly disappear at some point in a conversation. I just kinda expect it at this point.
In addition to knowing that other people do not owe you and you do not owe them anything, a healthy mentality is knowing you can feel a little upset about these things, especially if you did put a lot of work only to be ignored! That doesn't mean you should toss your frustrations onto other people 24/7 or throw a tantrum, but it is not wrong to have a perfectly human reaction. Because, yes, it sucks. From what I've seen on people's discussion on the matter of being ghosted in this thread, it's not necessarily toxic or unhealthy; only a frustration that is built up from being ghosted many times over many years of roleplay. Personally, I would say it is healthier to vent about being ghosted on this thread as long as you aren't too specific on who it might be because it gets rid of that built up frustration.
I think most people understand they should accept it and move on, but justifying your feelings on why it irked you shouldn't be something you have to do unless you were really in the wrong. Feelings don't follow logic on who is entitled to what or what other people are allowed to do or not. It's cool that you are able to brush things off this easily, but not everyone has the same experience. I do think your original comment has a place in this conversation because it brings in a point that didn't seem to be discussed prior and it is a perspective that could be helpful to some people.
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