Other What LGTBQ-Related question pisses you off?

[StrawberryAvalanche]

In my experience, my family asks me this one question that really bugs me.

"Oh you're agender. Okay. But can we still use the pronouns we referred to you when you were a child?"

.. No you can't. My best friend who has known me literally since she was 2 and I was 3, immediately started using they/them for me as soon as I came out to her. It just makes me sick that they think my assigned at birth gender is what they can always think of me as. It actually just shows me that they do not respect me.

And I think another one is, "Oh you're nonbinary, do you like boys or girls better?"

.... I hate to break it to the people asking me this question, because they are trying to shoot their shot. But, when they ask me that, I literally tell them all genders. And they're like but what about their assigned ones. It doesn't matter to me, if the person is cute and I have a chance with them, I will shoot my shot XD.

Mostly cisgender heterosexual men ask me that last question. And yes I reject them each time.

 

[jazzz]

When I (F) tell my parents about a female friend and they tell me not to develop a crush on her... *sighs*

 

[Jannah]

When I (F) tell my parents about a female friend and they tell me not to develop a crush on her... *sighs*

Are you out to your parents or are they just super paranoid?

 

[jazzz]

Are you out to your parents or are they just super paranoid?

I’m out, they’re just Like That

 

[Shy2Infinity]

I've never personally been asked this (as I'm not fully out to family and am lucky to have friends that accept me) but a BIG assumption about demisexual people is, "Isn't everyone like that?" Um, no. Definitely not. It's way more common to be a person that can feel sexually attracted to the people they meet on a dime! Demisexuality is the complete LACK of sexual attraction, meaning we can't just look at someone and have those thoughts right away. That's definitely not common in society.

And, uh, not going to say how close these fellow people are in real life, but I've definitely had women assume I'll hit on them simply because I also like ladies.

 

[Owlbear]

Literally all of them.

They're either so simple that anyone with five seconds to do a google search could find out the answer or insanely personal.

 

[Jannah]

I've never personally been asked this (as I'm not fully out to family and am lucky to have friends that accept me) but a BIG assumption about demisexual people is, "Isn't everyone like that?" Um, no. Definitely not. It's way more common to be a person that can feel sexually attracted to the people they meet on a dime! Demisexuality is the complete LACK of sexual attraction, meaning we can't just look at someone and have those thoughts right away. That's definitely not common in society.

And, uh, not going to say how close these fellow people are in real life, but I've definitely had women assume I'll hit on them simply because I also like ladies.

Considering demis are considered part of the Ace spectrum and we're only like estimated 1% of the population it's absolutely not common. Considering I'm a completely sex-repulsed Ace I'm even less common, certainly. There's not a lot of us, Ace, Demi, whatever else.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Considering demis are considered part of the Ace spectrum and we're only like estimated 1% of the population it's absolutely not common. Considering I'm a completely sex-repulsed Ace I'm even less common, certainly. There's not a lot of us, Ace, Demi, whatever else.

I'm also a sexually repulsed demisexual so, ya know, that's fun.

 

[Retro Blossom]

Honestly, the only offensive LGTBQ question I've gotten asked was from my parents asking why I was bisexual. Like, they literally asked why I was bisexual. Like i have a choice. And I was just like, "Boys and girls are both cute??? I don't know??? It's your fault for raising me up to admire girl idols and boy bands at the same time??? I really don't know???"

 

[Jannah]

Honestly, the only offensive LGTBQ question I've gotten asked was from my parents asking why I was bisexual. Like, they literally asked why I was bisexual. Like i have a choice. And I was just like, "Boys and girls are both cute??? I don't know??? It's your fault for raising me up to admire girl idols and boy bands at the same time??? I really don't know???"

It's literally like asking a person why they're straight. The vast majority of people cannot actually answer beyond just "I like who I like".

 

[Retro Blossom]

It's literally like asking a person why they're straight. The vast majority of people cannot actually answer beyond just "I like who I like".

Exactly!!!

 

[RandomDiscordman022]

Im in the closet but one time i tried to come out and my parents sent me to a mental rehabilitation clinic to "get better" because i said i was trans (ftm) and pansexual and apparently you cant be religious and lgbtq at the same time. But i am .

 

[Katya]

Not really sure what would count? Like.. I feel questions are important, dialogues are important, its how people learn and the way to defeat discrimination is through dialogues, communication and education. Its why I love Daryl Davis and the work he has done with KKK members.

The intent of the question would seem to be the issue more then the question itself. If someone is asking you something just to be a jerk, or just to annoy you, or just to harm you, then yea, that is a problem. But if someone is unaware of it and is asking because they want to know then... that is a good thing and should be encouraged even if answering a question for the hundredth time is annoying.

So, for me at least, and I am heterosexual but I've seen such questions asked, had some I wanted to ask, etc, but like with all things, the intent of the question is really, to me at least, what is going to piss someone off.

Yeah, but have you ever had anyone question you or send passive-aggressive hostility about being straight? Now, this is where the barrier to accurate communication lies and the annoyance felt by this massively large and loving community. For me, even as well-intentioned as this answer is, it's still really annoying. Hear me out. Why? Becuase asking anyone about their sexuality is a personal thing. Extremely personal. I'd say probably about as personal as asking someone if they had a penis or a vagina. As a middle-aged person on the trans spectrum.. I feel like I can shed a bit of harsh light on this situation. The person you may be asking could be triggered by a simple question because they may have been physically harmed or torchered over seemingly simple questions. There are a lot of layers. to this and it's not a peppy "yes no" answer. Feelings are not black and white and politics certainly are not either. Now, I came from the generation where being gay was seen as a ....... well let's just say "that's so gay" was certainly flying a lot. In my first same-sex relationship, I actually hid for about a year. It's loaded questions... Like your a zoo animal. I think that annoys the community most. I'd say it's also about as offensive as thinking someone who looks a bit Taiwanese or Korean and then proceeding to speak to them as though that culture speaks to them and then you discover they're actually Chinese but born in New York.

Do you know? It's just like. Google it or read a textbook or really enlighten yourself to knowledge.
I have certainly fallen into the category of "asking too personal questions" and my learning experience was to just.... accept its a personal question because I LOVE LOVE LOVE the atmosphere of teenagers today and how accepting most people are. However, maybe not all have had such a positive experience.

Sorry for the ramble there. You seem so innocent and understanding and kind but wanted to bring a different perspective to that answer.
People tend to get reactive about painful memories of the past. Being accepted or rejected for being your authentic self can be hella painful. You are dipping your toes into deep water asking these simple questions.

Also, to just answer the general chat question. The most infuriating question to me is ..." How does it feel being..." or " When did you first know blah blah.." Like this is not an Oprah interview and I do not speak to a wide spectrum of colours in this wild world. I am a small needle in an overly large haystack. Stop trying to smoosh us into boxes. Feel me? Guh

 

[Katya]

So here are some questions that annoy me:

"If you're asexual, then why do you have a boyfriend?"

Asexual does not immediately equal aromantic. I am biromantic asexual so yes I can have a boyfriend thank you, I have romantic feelings towards other people but only romantic attraction.

"Isn't they/them only used for multiple people?"

No. It's singular and plural so I can use they/them if I'm feeling neither male or female that day. For example: Someone left their bookbag in the chair. See? It can be used to refer to a singular person.

"If you're using she/her right now then why are you dressed like a boy?"

Excuse me? Does t-shirt and jeans automatically mean I'm dressing up like a boy? Go somewhere else with your gender expectations, if I wanna wear t-shirt and jeans then I will happily do so.

Oof all those just hit home. Feel you!

 

[Cosmo]

Yeah, but have you ever had anyone question you or send passive-aggressive hostility about being straight? Now, this is where the barrier to accurate communication lies and the annoyance felt by this massively large and loving community. For me, even as well-intentioned as this answer is, it's still really annoying. Hear me out. Why? Becuase asking anyone about their sexuality is a personal thing. Extremely personal. I'd say probably about as personal as asking someone if they had a penis or a vagina. As a middle-aged person on the trans spectrum.. I feel like I can shed a bit of harsh light on this situation. The person you may be asking could be triggered by a simple question because they may have been physically harmed or torchered over seemingly simple questions. There are a lot of layers. to this and it's not a peppy "yes no" answer. Feelings are not black and white and politics certainly are not either. Now, I came from the generation where being gay was seen as a ....... well let's just say "that's so gay" was certainly flying a lot. In my first same-sex relationship, I actually hid for about a year. It's loaded questions... Like your a zoo animal. I think that annoys the community most. I'd say it's also about as offensive as thinking someone who looks a bit Taiwanese or Korean and then proceeding to speak to them as though that culture speaks to them and then you discover they're actually Chinese but born in New York.

Do you know? It's just like. Google it or read a textbook or really enlighten yourself to knowledge.
I have certainly fallen into the category of "asking too personal questions" and my learning experience was to just.... accept its a personal question because I LOVE LOVE LOVE the atmosphere of teenagers today and how accepting most people are. However, maybe not all have had such a positive experience.

Sorry for the ramble there. You seem so innocent and understanding and kind but wanted to bring a different perspective to that answer.
People tend to get reactive about painful memories of the past. Being accepted or rejected for being your authentic self can be hella painful. You are dipping your toes into deep water asking these simple questions.

I completely agree with the notion that there are plenty of people that ask questions more to be a jerk then because they want to be informed. I also agree that no one is obligated to answer anything from anyone and people are free to tell that person off because I always, always, support personal liberty. What I do advocate is good communication because that is how people learn best, frank, honest and open communication is the best way to break down barriers. I know it isn't easy, I know it can be extremely personal, I know it can be difficult, but in my opinion, its one of the best ways out there but that does not mean anyone has an obligation to do it just because someone asks them. No one is beholden to do such, but I am also, very, against the idea of creating an atmosphere where trying to open communication or ask earnest questions is bad simply because they asked in the first place. Avoid the whole, 'If you even have to ask,' thing, if you know what I mean?

Googling and reading textbooks to answer questions does seem like the obvious answer but its also not something most people do. I feel most people don't sit around thinking about the socio, cultural and economic issues facing various groups of people in the world and then spend their day googling and informing themselves on it. I mean, I don't and I pride myself on being an extremely curious person who enjoys learning such things. Outside stimuli tends to be what creates that desire to learn more, such as meeting someone or being exposed to new information.

I'm super glad you've had positive experiences with this though, I know some haven't and I wish that wasn't the case but people are going to people.

It was a good ramble! I don't think anyone has ever called me innocent, understanding and kind at the same time before, but I'll take it!

 

[Katya]

I completely agree with the notion that there are plenty of people that ask questions more to be a jerk then because they want to be informed. I also agree that no one is obligated to answer anything from anyone and people are free to tell that person off because I always, always, support personal liberty. What I do advocate is good communication because that is how people learn best, frank, honest and open communication is the best way to break down barriers. I know it isn't easy, I know it can be extremely personal, I know it can be difficult, but in my opinion, its one of the best ways out there but that does not mean anyone has an obligation to do it just because someone asks them. No one is beholden to do such, but I am also, very, against the idea of creating an atmosphere where trying to open communication or ask earnest questions is bad simply because they asked in the first place. Avoid the whole, 'If you even have to ask,' thing, if you know what I mean?

Googling and reading textbooks to answer questions does seem like the obvious answer but its also not something most people do. I feel most people don't sit around thinking about the socio, cultural and economic issues facing various groups of people in the world and then spend their day googling and informing themselves on it. I mean, I don't and I pride myself on being an extremely curious person who enjoys learning such things. Outside stimuli tends to be what creates that desire to learn more, such as meeting someone or being exposed to new information.

I'm super glad you've had positive experiences with this though, I know some haven't and I wish that wasn't the case but people are going to people.

It was a good ramble! I don't think anyone has ever called me innocent, understanding and kind at the same time before, but I'll take it!

I just could tell in your tone it was very curious-natured. And sometimes that's people's unfortunate trigger because one may never have had a positive experience.

That's just how I read your answers and questions. I find curiosity fairly innocent and something to be admired
Not everyone's like that. People often use curiosity as passive-aggressiveness which is weird.

Breaking barriers means working through all the bullshit *nods*

Added: I like it when barriers get a bit shaky. I'm like a neutral observer that will doctor Phil you while burping rainbows

 

[TheOneLastRaven]

*Gasp* My fellow sex-pulsed Aces!

Anyways the worst one I've gotten was a really simple phrase.

"Prove it."

Someone, in my family who is ostensibly LGBTQ friendly, she works as an educator, b*tched that she just didn't see it and that I had to PROVE I was Trans. She said to me. While I was wearing my binder, and my packer. Okay lady. I'll go do that for you.

 

[Katya]

As for the textbook comment. Im an odd one. I download textbooks and am subscribed to a lecture course. Im all about self education. Vital source and greatest courses are awesome

 

[Katya]

*Gasp* My fellow sex-pulsed Aces!

Anyways the worst one I've gotten was a really simple phrase.

"Prove it."

Someone, in my family who is ostensibly LGBTQ friendly, she works as an educator, b*tched that she just didn't see it and that I had to PROVE I was Trans. She said to me. While I was wearing my binder, and my packer. Okay lady. I'll go do that for you.

I was the only out person in my high school. Guh! I was so bold. I was also treated like a spectical.. I often got. Can you choose a side? I had that asked to my face by a freaking art teacher. Bleh. I felt this

 

[starboob]

not sure if this has been addressed but i really hate, "so what's your coming out story?" i despise how it implies that coming out is a one time thing rather than a constant process. you don't just do it once. you do it several times depending on the situation and environment. im entirely out of the closet but because of hegemonic norms, people generally assume straightness until proven otherwise. so i constantly have to affirm my lesbianity. seriously, the next time someone asks me that question im just going to say, "uhh, probably this morning."

also, they don't have a right to know. it's super invasive.
(in a similar vein i hate when people ask if my parents accept me that's also not ur business!)

 

[Jannah]

not sure if this has been addressed but i really hate, "so what's your coming out story?" i despise how it implies that coming out is a one time thing rather than a constant process. you don't just do it once. you do it several times depending on the situation and environment. im entirely out of the closet but because of hegemonic norms, people generally assume straightness until proven otherwise. so i constantly have to affirm my lesbianity. seriously, the next time someone asks me that question im just going to say, "uhh, probably this morning."

also, they don't have a right to know. it's super invasive.
(in a similar vein i hate when people ask if my parents accept me that's also not ur business!)

I'm out to pretty much everyone as well, but it certainly did not happen all at once. In some situations it took a bit longer, simply due to the audience I was dealing with. Granted, asexuals don't face as much direct discrimination as gay or transpeople do, but there can definitely be some of our own unique challenges. Like, there's often a lot of denial and gaslighting since so many are not even aware asexuality exists (or that it's biologically possible). It also comes with all sorts of inappropriate questions, things like "do you masturbate?" or "how do you know you don't like sex if you've never had it?"

So yes, the frustration is real. We should not have to prove our sexuality (or lack there of) to anyone. Who we're attracted to is frankly nobody else's business. If we say we're something then it should just be taken at face value. Obviously a person is going to know themselves best.

 

[freya]

I dunno if it’s a question so much as just kinda an assumption

1. That aro/ace is a phase that you’ll get over as soon as you find “ the one “
2. Those on the ace/aro spectrum can’t feel affection or love at all.

I feel this on a spiritual level. It also drives me nuts when people go on about the second and say ace characters (or people) can't experience sexual feelings at all and, for instance, get mad at fans for writing fanfiction or shipping ace characters with other characters. And I have to explain to them that there are different levels and kinds of ace/aro and differences between sexual attraction and libido. There are also sex-positive aces. They just don't seem to be able to grasp the concepts and it's so incredibly frustrating.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

I feel this on a spiritual level. It also drives me nuts when people go on about the second and say ace characters (or people) can't experience sexual feelings at all and, for instance, get mad at fans for writing fanfiction or shipping ace characters with other characters. And I have to explain to them that there are different levels and kinds of ace/aro and differences between sexual attraction and libido. There are also sex-positive aces. They just don't seem to be able to grasp the concepts and it's so incredibly frustrating.

I have a couple of ace friends, and they absolutely are the types of aces to draw/write smut. For some aces, it's just easier to think about the fantasy without actually wanting to participate. Though some aces genuinely enjoy sex, just don't feel sexual attraction (or rarely/minimally feel the attraction). And then there are some that just don't enjoy any of it at all, and that's fine too. It all happens on a spectrum.

The latest thing I've heard about demisexuality is that "demisexuality isn't part of the ace spectrum because we can still feel sexual attraction." But I dunno man, if demisexuality isn't a part of the spectrum, ya might as well take out some of the other ace sexualities, like greysexual

 

[clevingersplane]

I'm bi and cis, but I'm not super involved in queer spaces, and I try to stay out of the discourse. It's ultimately not my business and I don't need to understand everything, I just have to support it.

However, nothing pisses me off more than bad faith questions about trans athletes. It is the most absolutely bullshit line of questioning. Sports are already inherently unequal, that's the point! Nobody cares when a 7'3" center dominates in the NBA because of his height but a trans woman possibly having slightly more muscle mass than a cis woman will be the end of competitive balance in women's sports? And it's all grounded in the idea that people will transition just to get an edge? Like yeah, alright buddy would you go through months of HRT on the off chance that you could clean house in the WNBA?

And then they go to the Fallon Fox example, right? Trans female fighter won her first fight in MMA, fractured her opponents skull. So painfully obvious that these people don't actually give a shit about these sports, or else they'd know that Fox got destroyed in her very next fight and that bone fractures happen all the time in fights between two cis athletes because these people are getting paid to beat the shit out of each other! Or "wah wah, what about the olympics?" Trans athletes have been allowed to compete since like 2006 or something! Where is this mythical surge of trans people winning every gold medal? Where is it??

Very specific, but I feel like it's the only question that comes up around this stuff where I feel knowledgeable enough to actually respond just because I watch a lot of sports lmao.

 

[Jannah]

I'm bi and cis, but I'm not super involved in queer spaces, and I try to stay out of the discourse. It's ultimately not my business and I don't need to understand everything, I just have to support it.

However, nothing pisses me off more than bad faith questions about trans athletes. It is the most absolutely bullshit line of questioning. Sports are already inherently unequal, that's the point! Nobody cares when a 7'3" center dominates in the NBA because of his height but a trans woman possibly having slightly more muscle mass than a cis woman will be the end of competitive balance in women's sports? And it's all grounded in the idea that people will transition just to get an edge? Like yeah, alright buddy would you go through months of HRT on the off chance that you could clean house in the WNBA?

And then they go to the Fallon Fox example, right? Trans female fighter won her first fight in MMA, fractured her opponents skull. So painfully obvious that these people don't actually give a shit about these sports, or else they'd know that Fox got destroyed in her very next fight and that bone fractures happen all the time in fights between two cis athletes because these people are getting paid to beat the shit out of each other! Or "wah wah, what about the olympics?" Trans athletes have been allowed to compete since like 2006 or something! Where is this mythical surge of trans people winning every gold medal? Where is it??

Very specific, but I feel like it's the only question that comes up around this stuff where I feel knowledgeable enough to actually respond just because I watch a lot of sports lmao.

I'm no expert on sports so always assumed trans athletes would have an advantage unless they're far enough along in HRT. Like, isn't that the point of it? To replace hormones? Without it the transwoman may have physical strength akin to a man. I think that is what most of these people are concerned about. It does seem rather odd they target transwomen specifically, though, rather than also ciswomen who naturally have a large amount of testosterone.