Opinion What do you think of asexuality and aromantics?

[PhoenixMire]

I know I’m just jumping in here...

But I feel like asexual and aromantic people who have an easier time appreciating the more important things in life. So I respect people who chose to live that way. I couldn’t do it. I would like to try sex at least once before I die.

For me personally, it isn't necessarily a choice to steer away from it. I just loathe the idea of it and want nothing to do with it.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Yeah for me it was like I just never had any interest in romance and at best vague curiosity about sex.

tbh I kind of figured everyone was the same way and books/movies/tv where just exaggerating crushes/sexual attraction for dramatic purposes.

If anything it was more of a revelation for me that people actually did feel all those gooey emotions they show in pop culture. And that sex was legitimately a high priority for people my age.

 

[Jannah]

Asexual here and honestly I find the whole sex thing disgusting. I'll probably die alone and a virgin, but I honestly do not care.

 

[kitphiroth]

I feel like this thread is bait that is going to end up with people being called bigots. I think it's a hormonal/mental issue.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I feel like this thread is bait that is going to end up with people being called bigots. I think it's a hormonal/mental issue.

Not bait as long as your civil you might be called misinformed but not a bigot.

It isn’t in point of fact either of those things. In the same way being gay is neither of those things.

Some people don’t feel physical attraction, it just a natural part of the human condition. Same for people who don’t feel romantic attraction.

I know this because being asexual does not in point of fact mean you don’t feel sexual attraction at all. There are whole discussion threads re: asexuals and masturbation or the spectrum on which some ace feel physical attraction. It means you don’t feel physical attraction for specific people/desire to engage in sexual acts.

And I’m not sure why you would even think not feeling romantic attraction is a mental disorder but it isn’t as if they lack the ability to feel any other emotion they just don’t feel romantic connection.

So they love their families, their friends, their neighbors, etc. and some even form marriage type relationships with friends they have particularly close bonds with. Those bonds are simply not romantic in nature. Although admittedly given the nature of emotion the distinction there is harder to pinpoint.

In my case I describe it as forming close bonds that are not linked to physical attraction. If I am close with someone it is because I like them as a person and we share interests not because I have any physical attraction to them as a person.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Asexual here and honestly I find the whole sex thing disgusting. I'll probably die alone and a virgin, but I honestly do not care.

Not necessarily alone, you can always get a pet or a roommate. People don’t have to only share space cuz they want to get naked together. Where I live you could plain not afford to live by yourself at my age and income level and I am in my thirties.

 

[koldun-noir]

I don't care! You do you.

 

[Laifan]

I've identified as ace for most of my life. Having a romantic life just never did work out for me. I struggle with connecting to other people on a basic level, even for friendship. Having a romantic relationship with someone just feels like a strange alternative universe that will never happen to me. Does it get lonely sometimes? Not gonna lie, yeah. Am I used to it? I've been without romance for 31 years and counting, er... You get used to it. Sure, I'm used to being considered the weird one in the family.

Some stuff you hear is starting to get real old though. As a woman in her 30s society expects you to have the urge to procreate. Needless to say it's not on my plans. If having a romantic partner is like a weird alternative universe, having kids is so out there for me that it might as well be another galaxy. Yet, when I state simply that I don't plan to have kids I'm told that 'it will pass'. But oh well that's another topic altogether.

So, yeah, from an ace person, I get we are perceived as weird by others, as having some sort of problem.

 

[The True Nerd]

I am asexual, and possibly aromantic myself. I have never been comfortable romantically with people, and definately not sexually. I'll admit it gets lonely sometimes, but it's how I feel the most comfortable. I have always been viewed as weird by my friends, as they all are romantic and definately not asexual. Honestly I think it needs to be more normalized than it is right now, as people think ace people are messed up and have serious things wrong with them. But it's just the way some people are.

 

[JadeGreen17]

Asexual and Arom here. I've never had a problem with my friends, since a fair few of them are somewhere on the LGBT spectrum themselves and I live in a fairly liberal community. Never was a problem with them, since we would always joke about our nonstandard orientations with one another.

My dad doesn't get it. I can't go about talking to him about stuff remotely related to this because he doesn't get it, and just tells me to suck it up and get a girl.

My stepdad's sister... really doesn't get it. But she's one of those really conservative Cristian types.

 

[Jannah]

Asexual and Arom here. I've never had a problem with my friends, since a fair few of them are somewhere on the LGBT spectrum themselves and I live in a fairly liberal community. Never was a problem with them, since we would always joke about our nonstandard orientations with one another.

My dad doesn't get it. I can't go about talking to him about stuff remotely related to this because he doesn't get it, and just tells me to suck it up and get a girl.

My stepdad's sister... really doesn't get it. But she's one of those really conservative Cristian types.

I'm asexual myself and also a more traditionalist Christian. however, asexuality is rarely a problem in my Christian circles since celibacy is a legitimate calling of some people. It's too bad that a lot of Christians, Protestants usually, don't acknowledge that. I think it would save a lot of trouble for asexuals and others who legitimately feel no call to get married and have children.

 

[scorpiodragon]

Honestly, the first I heard of asexual was, I believe Jurassic Park (the very first one I think) so for the longest time it made me equate asexuality to dinosaurs when hearing people were asexual.

All these romantic orientations are weird for me as well as straight people today referring to themselves as cis-gender. I’m not even that old, 32, but I swear that these Romantic orientations were not a thing until the past half decade or maybe I have just never heard of them before until now. I actually had to look up the other day Romantic orientation for an rp I applied to, I thought it meant your status (you know if you are single, taken, separated, divorced or widowed). Nope, apparently it refers to what your romantic interest are.

 

[rae2nerdy]

Honestly, the first I heard of asexual was, I believe Jurassic Park (the very first one I think) so for the longest time it made me equate asexuality to dinosaurs when hearing people were asexual.

All these romantic orientations are weird for me as well as straight people today referring to themselves as cis-gender. I’m not even that old, 32, but I swear that these Romantic orientations were not a thing until the past half decade or maybe I have just never heard of them before until now. I actually had to look up the other day Romantic orientation for an rp I applied to, I thought it meant your status (you know if you are single, taken, separated, divorced or widowed). Nope, apparently it refers to what your romantic interest are.

I think it isn’t that they didn’t exist just that they might have been called different things. And in the case of aromantic specifically just not talked about.

The whole obsession with romantic love is actually fairly recent in human history. I saw a documentary about it and it’s only maybe a 100 years old (I think). Prior to that romantic love was actually seen as silly and foolish.

So most likely prior to romance becoming an obsession in the culture it honestly didn’t matter if you didn’t feel it, it was considered the “proper” way to behave.

Once romance (and specifically heterosexual romance) became such a focus in modern culture it reversed.

Who knows, if humanity is around in another 100 years they’ll probably have sexual/romantic ideas that we can’t even comprehend now.

As to asexuality as mentioned above I imagine it used to simply be called being chaste or abstinent or similar words.

So I think it’s less that they are new ideas as perhaps relatively new words for older ideas.

 

[PotatoFlavoredWaffle]

Huh.
Just found this threat and I've been reading through it; there are what I feel to be good points on differing sides of conversation: whether ace/aro is actually a thing and what it is.

Even so, in the end? I don't entirely find why it would matter how one person feels romantically or sexually to anyone that they wouldn't have romantic or sexual relations with. As long as the relationship is healthy, involves consent, and doesn't negatively affect others (in the way of harm), then I'm not one to care. How you feel romantically or sexually is only really important to whoever those feelings are projected onto, or whoever projects those feelings onto you.

 

[lavander]

does anyone know how to tell if you're asexual, because i think that i might be.

 

[Jannah]

does anyone know how to tell if you're asexual, because i think that i might be.

Do you lack attraction to everyone? That's certainly a sign that you may be one of us.

 

[chee]

does anyone know how to tell if you're asexual, because i think that i might be.

hm, could you elaborate on why you think you may be asexual?

 

[Mr. Sparks]

People are who they are

I think people should stay out of others people’s business and let them be them!

 

[silent whisper]

People are who they are

I think people should stay out of others people’s business and let them be them!

That’s a lot better than what I thought of cheers to that

 

[Cosmo]

I don't think about asexuality/aromantics at all. Like... Ever. Not something that tends to cross my mind or in normal conversation. I think this might be, legitimately, the first time I've ever thought about it to the point I thought you said aromatic... like that you smelled nice. Took me a few moments to realize, no, that isn't what you said.

If I had to think about it more, be a mixture of apathy and confusion. I know what I like and what I don't like, part of me feels like everyone is like that, gay, straight, whatever, you like what you like, and don't like what you don't like. So being like, 'Eh, not really into anything,' just seems odd, strange and not really sure 'how one do'. Part of me even pities that. Not feeling a romantic or sexual attraction to something, kinda like missing a piece of something everyone else enjoys. But then again, I am colorblind and can't see many colors and shades, I've never seen purple and am convinced purple is just dark blue and everyone is in on some global conspiracy to pretend its a thing, but I've never felt my life was lesser or different from anyone else just because I couldn't see what they see. So, does it matter? Not Really.

Then that massive side helping of apathy. I don't really care what attracts, or doesn't, attract you or anyone else. You do you so long as its not putting anyone in danger, your sexual/romantic life, or lack there of, is not my business, and frankly, I am not interested in that business even if it, somehow, became my business.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Cosmo ooh that color blind analogy is very good. Do you mind if I use it?

I find a lot of people have that disconnect where they think lack of desire/romantic feelings = lack of emotions entirely. Like somehow aro/ace makes you some weird robot.

But being color blind is actually a really good way of thinking of it. As being unable to see purple doesn’t mean you can’t see color at all, just that you can’t see a particular color.

 

[fault]

i think they are epic. i also think i've been either at certain times in my life, which gives me that little bit of insight as to how it's like.

 

[Ephemeral]

I think this a great way to discuss and refute any misconceptions about being asexual, sexual orientation/attraction, and being aromantic, romantic orientation. Because both terms are somewhat misunderstood and misused interchangeably sometimes.

The way I always describe it is that sexual orientation/attraction is like the desire/the “wanting” to eat a piece of cake. Some people may look at the cake and see that it looks cool so they want to eat it. Some people may see it and feel indifferent to it, but still crave/want to eat cake. But for someone who is asexual, the desire to eat that cake (aka “wanting/desiring/feeling the need for sexual intimacy”) is nonexistent. They just don’t want to eat the cake.

But sexual attraction/orientation is different from romantic attraction too, at least from what I understand it. Romantic attraction, going back to the cake analogy, is like admiring and really liking a certain type of cake - whether it’s their aesthetics or components/ingredients. Some people like chocolate cake, some people like cheesecake, some people like tiramisu. Romantic attraction, to me, seems like you admire that cake. BUT, it doesn’t necessarily mean you want to eat it.

For some people, they experience both sexual attraction and romantic attraction, so they both admire the cake and want to eat the cake. For some people, they have no sexual attraction but still have romantic attraction, so they admire the cake but have no desire to eat it. For some people, they experience sexual attraction but no romantic attraction, to me these people want to eat cake but have no feelings or admiration or attachment to the cake as they eat it.

Personally, I think aces are awesome just the way they are! Their orientation and experiences are valid. Plus, their relationships (platonic and otherwise) run deeper than physical attraction and intimacies. They’ll take the time to get to know you as you are because of genuine interest and common values and not because they want to “bed” you (or date you, in the case of an aromantic person). I’d honestly love to have more ace friendships because of these qualities!

 

[Jannah]

The way I always describe it is that sexual orientation/attraction is like the desire/the “wanting” to eat a piece of cake. Some people may look at the cake and see that it looks cool so they want to eat it. Some people may see it and feel indifferent to it, but still crave/want to eat cake. But for someone who is asexual, the desire to eat that cake (aka “wanting/desiring/feeling the need for sexual intimacy”) is nonexistent. They just don’t want to eat the cake.

I actually don't like cake and am asexual so this is accurate. I should point out, though, that some of us may admire the aesthetic beauty of the cake even if we don't crave it or want to eat it.

 

[Ephemeral]

I actually don't like cake and am asexual so this is accurate. I should point out, though, that some of us may admire the aesthetic beauty of the cake even if we don't crave it or want to eat it.

Definitely! You can still see the inherent beauty and value in something, but not want to do anything to the cake itself.

Sorry if it’s a poor analogy. But it’s just how I interpreted it and how it was explained to me.