War of the kingdom of Peaches: A Royesland spin off [Completed]

[theunearthlyfool]

Nicola went from colorless to a bit green. "I guess that could be considered going."

Despite being unable to harm them, hopefully the owl could still distract at least some of the rats from actively leasing arrows down on her party. The illusion moved into the courtyard, where it flapped up to the ramparts and resumed its screeching, diving maneuvers.

She hurried after Finn, trying not to step on or even look at the felled guards. "Good job, I suppose."

 

[wickedlittlecritta]

"You suppose," Finn said. "Where the fuck are the idiot twins?" He started to look back, but several loud noises in front and around the courtyard drew his attention, as a huge number of rat folk appeared along the walls and inside the courtyard, surrounding them.

"Well. Fuck," said Finn.

 

[CelticSol]

"I don't want your twink hat, I want my dyke hat!" She grumbles, but nonetheless settles the hand-me-down hat backwards on her head. "C'mon, we gotta save Finnegan McFucking Leeroy Jenkins before we have to scrape him off the fucking ground."

Jackie pulls Thomas out of cover and pushes him behind her with her bow arm, using her free hand to grab more arrows. This time, the owl isn't a shock, and as the rat-men pile into the courtyard, Jackie grins. Before the first rat withdrawn his first arrow from his quiver, Jackie has let her's fly. This time, her aim is true, and pierces through a space in their armour. Her next arrow flies within an instant, piercing her next target through the eye. One after another, rats fall to the ground with arrows piercing vital organs, Jackie's rate of fire and reloading an onslaught they fail to avoid. Her fingers reach back behind her head for more arrows, only for her hands to come up empty.

"Hey, Tom, can you 'begone thot' these rats like that time when you got rid of our horses and then we got attacked by that moose? That'd be sick." Pulling her bow around her body, she pulls two long daggers from the sheaths at her hips, stalking towards the rats with murder in her eyes.

 

[TrashRabbit]

Tom had been banned form all hyper dimensional magics since the MOOSE Incident and the look on his face was surprised and delighted when she asked him.

"Shit I can try?!"

He squatted down on his heel and pulled out a piece of chalk, and squinted at the cobbers angrily as violence blossomed around him. He began making marks with the chalk slowly that burned, and oozed there way into the cobbles as he went Drawing a complex sygil.

"Would you say they're rat men, or man rats?" He called to anyone who was listening, because semantically it was important. to the spell.

 

[CelticSol]

"If you don't put rat men on that fuck mothering sigil, Thomas, I'm feeding you to a fucking bear."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"Okay okay okya but what hte fuck if they are Man Rats though? What if their man-ness is the modifier and we, as humans are biased in our expectations of sementics matching reality?"

 

[CelticSol]

"I hope to GOD that sigil eats you, Thomas! If they were man rats they would have be small men with rat bra - FUCK-" Jackie exclaims as she drives her dagger hilt deep through a rat, "I'm not arguing the semantics of it it, just put down rat men!"

 

[theunearthlyfool]

"Listen-" Another of the purple handkerchiefs appeared, this time from Nicola's back pocket. Grimacing, she held it over her mouth and nose. "I'm not great with blood, okay? Hell's bells, I don't know how you people do this kind of thing like all the ti-"

Jackie reappeared, dragging Tom along with her just as more rats appeared to enter the fray. The number of arrows whizzing through the air doubled as she fired shot after shot back at their enemies. This, of course, made a lot more blood.

It was a lot to take in. Trying to keep the illusion going, the best other thing Nicola could think to do to help was to just make a shield over herself and her friends. That I should be able to sustain without having to really think about it, she groaned inwardly.

A strange, burning stench reached her even through the handkerchief and she tuned back in to the conversation (such as it was for being Tom and Jackie shouting at each other). Looking down over her shoulder, Tom was drawing something arcane that was actually melting the cobblestones. "Without a closer look at their chemical makeup-" Nicola started to butt in, until something flew past her ear, startling her. "Just- fucking- yeah, rat men. Rat men is fine!"

 

[wickedlittlecritta]

A little ways ahead of the others, Finn tuned out whatever Tom was talking about as unimportant as he hacked through the horde using his shield nearly as much as his sword. There was always a particular rhythm to a battle, and he was finding it now, and creating a little wall of corpses around them. He was dimly aware that something hurt but if he stopped and thought about it he'd fuck the whole thing up. It could wait.

And then he smelled something burning, and said, "What are y'all doing?"

And by y'all, he meant Tom, because only a wizard would set something on fire right now.

 

[TrashRabbit]

Tom finished drawing the arcane circle and stood up- snapped up straight really, like a lawn chair unfolding with all his gangling limbs. He spoke three words of power, ones that group had heard before, he didn't know as many as you'd expect a powerful to know but he made due. the magic was gathered and would be released with an action of intent.
So Thomas Dabbed.
The world shook, their was a roaring static thunderous sound and the world flashed bright. When the terrible brightness receded the rat men were gone, even the corpses, only their dull smelly blue blood left on the cobbles.

 

[CelticSol]

"Hey, Thomas? I'm going to hit you with a brick. Fucking nerd."

 

[theunearthlyfool]

Nicola lost concentration when Tom's spell went live, so the owl vanished along with everything else. She hung onto some of the shield, though they no longer needed it, so it was just a faintly glowing, purple disk, floating in the air above them with a few arrows sticking out of it.

She stared at Tom and muttered, "this must be what going mad feels like."

 

[TrashRabbit]

Tom, once he was sure the spell had worked as intended and that he was still alive, took a bow.

 

[CelticSol]

Jackie's eyes scan the courtyard, trying to banish the image of Thomas dabbing from her mind as she ensures no threats remain. Thomas was a wizard, and magic is was a specialty of his, but...Maybe she was a bad luck charm to him, because shit always seemed to go wrong whenever she was too near. She was half expecting Daddy the Spectral Moose to bust through one of the walls at any moment. When that didn't happen, and no other threats barreled in through any points of entry or appeared, she exhales a long breath.

She wipes the rat blood on her daggers off on Thomas' jacket, then slides them back into their sheathes, "Look at you go, you twink. You didn't spawn a fucking moose this time."

Looking around, Jackie shrugs, then cups her hands around her mouth and shouts into the air, "MONARCHY IS WACK AND SHOULD BE ABOLISHED! I'LL FIST FIGHT THE FUCKING RAT KING!"

 

[theunearthlyfool]

Jackie's shouting spooked Nicola, her purple shield disappearing and letting the handful of arrows clatter harmlessly to the ground. She looked at Tom's jacket in despair, muttering, "I just cleaned that."

With a sigh, she took in the courtyard around them. "As much as I wish your taunting would draw our target out into the open here, I have a feeling we're going to have to go looking for him." With a nod at the tower before them- an ugly scar against the sky- Nicola added the closest thing to a smartass remark she could muster: "after all, he's gonna have to work double-time to replace all those rats you guys just deleted. So, uh... ladies first?" She gestured for Jackie to lead the way.

 

[TrashRabbit]

"If being taunted from the bottom of the tower worked, Tuesday would have been able to kill me years ago," Tom said when Jackie's threat elicited no response. "He's up there," He said pointing at the top of the tower.

 

[wickedlittlecritta]

"So what are we waiting for?" Finn said, and headed for the tower without waiting for a response, sword and shield still in hand.

 

[CelticSol]

"God fucking dammit, Leeroy!" Jackie yells, scrambling to her knees to collect as many blood congealed arrows as she can from the ground before she follows quickly on Finn's heels.

 

[TrashRabbit]

The base of the tower opened into a tight spiral staircase and the first floor looked like some kind of meeting room, with a map of the kingdom of peaches and big thick paint line that showed the edge of the time dilation fields with lots of notes. There was paper work scattered across the large table along with a little cheese platter. It was likely that until moments ago this room was filled with Rat-Man Generals. The walls are covered in more maps of father away places with various circles and arrows.

 

[CelticSol]

As she comes through the doorway and makes the first few steps up the staircase, the air sharpens to the thinness of a razor's edge, pulling her lungs into tight knots that smother her. She halts, a hand reaching out for purchase on the smooth stone walls, as she is forced to stop, her breath gone from her lungs. She looks up the staircase, which looms longer and darker and more narrow than it did a moment ago, and resists the urge to hurl. She tastes dirt in her mouth. She shakes her head, eyes closed. When her eyes reopen, everything is much smaller than it was. The wall shrinks to six foot long, three feet across. Everything smells of wood and freshly turned earth. Everything is damp, everything is quiet as a -

"Nope. Nope, nope, nope," Jackie turns on her heel, making her way down the stairs with more haste than coordination, and when she reaches the threshold of the tower and stumbles outside, she breathes in heavy gulps of fresh air with the desperation of a drowning woman getting her head above water. She puts her hands on her knees, slumping her head low to keep the dizziness at bay, "I'll see you guys after. Y'all - y'all got this. I believe in you. Punch him in the dick for me."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"Nope." Tom said, following after her, "Nope. No. I need you." He grabbed her under the armpits from behind and hauled her back up the stairs.

 

[CelticSol]

"BEGONE, FOUL DEMON!" As Tom drags her back towards the stairs, Jackie starts to seriously struggle, "Tom - Tom I'm dead serious let me go - Tom - TOM - THOMAS- I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU RAT FUCKING BASTARD, LET ME GO! I'M GOING TO YEET - HOLY FUCK I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE IN THIS STAIRCASE, HOMBRE - I'M GOING TO PASS - oh, hey we're at the top of the stairs."

Jackie takes a deep breath of dusty air in mercifully open space. "Okay. I'm good. Anyway."

 

[TrashRabbit]

Tom patted her on the back and took back his wizard hat, "Look at all this rat-man bullshit."

 

[CelticSol]

"God, I bet your wizard tower looks like this, you fucking bottom."

 

[TrashRabbit]

"Shhh, I have taste, how dare," He said.