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Realistic or Modern TysonQuest

>FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! DESOLATE THIS VOLATILE CREATURE FROM THE SANDS OF THIS EARTH!
 
> FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! DESOLATE THIS VOLATILE CREATURE FROM THE SANDS OF THIS EARTH!

This is hilarious.
 
>FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! DESOLATE THIS VOLATILE CREATURE FROM THE SANDS OF THIS EARTH!

MURDER IT!
 
>FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! DESOLATE THIS VOLATILE CREATURE FROM THE SANDS OF THIS EARTH!
 
>FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! DESOLATE THIS VOLATILE CREATURE FROM THE SANDS OF THIS EARTH!
 
Time to send this thing back to the depths of hell from which it came! Tyson charges in at the ugly, talking rock and rockets off a fierce combination of punches! A quick jab, followed by a straight left, but wait it was a fake and he comes back with a deviously timed right uppercut!

"IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!" Jake from State Farm yells in the background.

The rock crumbles before the might of Tyson, breaking into pieces like the weak piece of dirt that it was. Back in the 80's Tyson used to eat stones bigger than him!

Screen Shot 2018-11-13 at 4.50.54 PM.png

Now that his foe had been slain, Tyson turned to Jake from State Farm. "Dealth' a deal, pimp my ride!"

"You've done your part of the deal. Let me make a call!"

With the click of a classic flip phone (Classic Jake from State Farm!) Jake from State Farm dialed in the number, and made a phone call. "Yes. Mhm. Give me that one!"

In the flash of in instant, just in the blink of an eye, a jeep unlike any other appeared. It was big...it was shiny....it was fast....and it looked tough!

Screen Shot 2018-11-13 at 4.57.55 PM.png

Tyson sat in awe of the piece of fine machinery. His eyes widened, and his mouth dropped. Saliva began to pool at the base of his lip, and slowly leaked down his chin to the ground below. He hadn't seen a car like this since he declared bankruptcy!

"I want the keyth"!

Jake from State Farm gave Mike Tyson a puzzled look. "Who's Keith?"

"No, no, NO!" Tyson shook his head violently. "Key! Give me the Keyth!"

"Oh...yeah...right....uhhhh...." Jake from State Farm began to dig his hands down the pocket of his khakis. "Come on...." His face bent in frustration. "Where are they...."

The sun blazed above their heads, its hot beams weighing down on the two men. Oh, and it also made the other people in the caravan hot, but who cares about them? Finally, after a hot minute Jake from State Farm's face lit up, and he smiled. "Here they are!"

Jake from State Farm held the car keys up high.

"Hey, quick question. Why are you guys out here anyway?"

"Oh, that'th eathy!" Tyson exclaimed. "I'm here to destroy hippopotomath!"

The happy expression on Jake from State Farm's face vanished. All that remained was a blank, cold stare, devoid of any emotion.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Tyson."

"What, why?"

"Think of all the insurance money State Farm gets from Hippo attacks every year....and how much money we would lose if you beat hippopotamus."

"Whaaa?"

"PUT EM UP, BOI!" Jake from State Farm then begins chanting some sort of retro 8-bit fight theme song, and swivels his chair to Mike Tyson! This man wants to fight!

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Oh no, Jake from State Farm has betrayed us! Turns out he's actually on the villain known as hippopotamus's side! Now he wants to fight! Like all others who stand in Mike Tyson's way, now he must get some! Unlike the last fight, Tyson does not want to run, use items, or select another pokemon. Instead he wants to destroy Jake from State Farm and the tyrannical regime known as State Farm Home and Auto Insurance. He also needs those keys to that sweet jeep, so that's probably a more logical reason to beat up this 33 year old damsel. Currently Jake from State Farm is barrelling his swivel chair toward the former heavyweight champion of the world, while humming the Pokemon Gym Battle Theme loudly. What's our pound for pound hero's move of choice?

>Punch

>Bite

>Counter

>Intimidate

 
>Punch

It worked for the rock, it'll work for Jake!
 
>Bite
 

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