Fantasy The Worst Pantheon: Live and Reloaded (IC Thread) (OPEN)

[Churl]

"Did...did she just see the tears and leave?" Helsa said in confusion. "I thought she would have taunted me about...the tears."

Her inner voice shrugged as it stepped in front of her and examined the tears, scraping some into a bottle. She turned lazily and sprawled in front of Helsa, cocking her head to the side.
“Maybe...she...will. Hey, do...you...think...someone...could...lick...this? Or...is...that...taking...it...a...bit...too...far? No...wait, it’s...never...too...far. Better...question, will...it...poison...me?”

 

[Celestial Speck]

"Did...did she just see the tears and leave?" Helsa said in confusion. "I thought she would have taunted me about...the tears."

For some reason, Ocaeril really felt the need to hug Helsa in his home. He quickly shook those weird thoughts away and shuddered when he remembered the new holiday season his daughter celebrated with him.

Man, fuck Spanksgiving.

 

[KolastoRPN]

Her inner voice shrugged as it stepped in front of her and examined the tears, scraping some into a bottle. She turned lazily and sprawled in front of Helsa, cocking her head to the side.
“Maybe...she...will. Hey, do...you...think...someone...could...lick...this? Or...is...that...taking...it...a...bit...too...far? No...wait, it’s...never...too...far. Better...question, will...it...poison...me?”

Eh. Ehh?

"EHHH?!" Helsa screamed at the top of her lungs, pointing right at Ickol.

 

[Churl]

Eh. Ehh?

"EHHH?!" Helsa screamed at the top of her lungs, pointing right at Ickol.

Ickol Conversational

“You...truly...are...a...much...more...verbose...person...than...I. I...am...in...so...much...awe...by...your...eloquent..nature. I’m...tearing...up. We’re...doing...this. We’re...making...this...a...holy...cry...cave. Behold...the...wonders...of...two...godly...babes...just...letting...the...ocular...rivers...flow. Our...weeping...shall...bring...more...weeping...if...any...find...this...treasured...site, such...beauty...does...it...hold.”

Ickol raised a hand and waved. “Hey...best...friend. We...know...each...other, but...I...don’t...think...we’ve...really...met. Hi. Ickol, goddess...of...lies, destruction, and...generally...being...amazing. I’ve...got...a...job. Well, a...job...for...Helsa...the...Sinner. Not...whoever...the...hell...you’re...supposed...to...be. Anyone...home? Or...did...your...brain...cells...get...shot...out...with...that...little...encounter...with...tall, dark, and...stupid?”

 

[KolastoRPN]

“You...truly...are...a...much...more...verbose...person...than...I. I...am...in...so...much...awe...by...your...eloquent..nature. I’m...tearing...up. We’re...doing...this. We’re...making...this...a...holy...cry...cave. Behold...the...wonders...of...two...godly...babes...just...letting...the...ocular...rivers...flow. Our...weeping...shall...bring...more...weeping...if...any...find...this...treasured...site, such...beauty...does...it...hold.”

Ickol raised a hand and waved. “Hey...best...friend. We...know...each...other, but...I...don’t...think...we’ve...really...met. Hi. Ickol, goddess...of...lies, destruction, and...generally...being...amazing. I’ve...got...a...job. Well, a...job...for...Helsa...the...Sinner. Not...whoever...the...hell...you’re...supposed...to...be. Anyone...home? Or...did...your...brain...cells...get...shot...out...with...that...little...encounter...with...tall, dark, and...stupid?”

"...what do you want." Helsa eventually said, glaring directly at Ickol with tentacles waving behind her head.

 

[Churl]

"...what do you want." Helsa eventually said, glaring directly at Ickol with tentacles waving behind her head.

Ickol Conversational

“Only...what’s...best...for...you, best...friend! You...can’t...tell...from...my...voice...but...this...is...excitement...I’m...doing. Don’t...worry, unlike...the...only...other...deities...you’ve...bothered...to...look...at...I’m...not...interested...in...courtship. Honestly, you...know...the...saying...butter...face? You’re...like...that, except...also...butter...voice, and...skin, and...basically...everything...beyond...a...squinted...silhouette. Gotta...admit...though, it’s...an...8/10...silhouette. But...I...digress.”

Ickol stood and leaned on a gnarly looking spear as it slid out from her sleeve.

“You...see, I...don’t...care...if...I’m...a...little...honest...around...you. If...you...were...actually...doing...your...job, no...one...should...ever...trust...you...about...anything...even...if...you...tried...to...tell...them. Looks...like...you’re...on...an...upward...spiral...though, and...I’m...concerned. I...need...a...smokescreen, and...you...need...to...remind...people...you’re...the...baddest...girl...on...the...block. So, how...about...this: there’s...this...new...buddy...of...mine. Off...his...rocker...even...more...than...the...rest...of...our...dear...beloved...bozos...but...I...think...he’s...going...to...give...the...two...of...us...a...show...when...his...holiday...arrives. Not...sure...how...a...holiday...only...happens...every...couple...decades....but...I’m...not...about...to...argue...with...a...man...who...knows...his...way...around...a...candy...cane’s...sharp...end. Here’s...the...deal. You...’take...me...hostage’...and...host...a...little...show...to...raise...some...hype...for...his...holiday. Invite...him, invite...a...couple...gods, that...crap. You’ll...be...the...nefarious...host, I...the...lovely...captured...assistant, one...little...night...and...you...walk...away...every...wicked...soul...on...this...planet...knowing...you’re...way...cooler...than...Sr. Guano...or...the...sleepyhead. Well, everyone...but...me. Sorry...toots, but...it’ll...be...a...pretty...steep...hill...before...I...respect...you...after...your...recent...shit-show. Try...not...to...let...it...break...your...widdle...heart.”

 

[KolastoRPN]

Ickol Conversational

“Only...what’s...best...for...you, best...friend! You...can’t...tell...from...my...voice...but...this...is...excitement...I’m...doing. Don’t...worry, unlike...the...only...other...deities...you’ve...bothered...to...look...at...I’m...not...interested...in...courtship. Honestly, you...know...the...saying...butter...face? You’re...like...that, except...also...butter...voice, and...skin, and...basically...everything...beyond...a...squinted...silhouette. Gotta...admit...though, it’s...an...8/10...silhouette. But...I...digress.”

Ickol stood and leaned on a gnarly looking spear as it slid out from her sleeve.

“You...see, I...don’t...care...if...I’m...a...little...honest...around...you. If...you...were...actually...doing...your...job, no...one...should...ever...trust...you...about...anything...even...if...you...tried...to...tell...them. Looks...like...you’re...on...an...upward...spiral...though, and...I’m...concerned. I...need...a...smokescreen, and...you...need...to...remind...people...you’re...the...baddest...girl...on...the...block. So, how...about...this: there’s...this...new...buddy...of...mine. Off...his...rocker...even...more...than...the...rest...of...our...dear...beloved...bozos...but...I...think...he’s...going...to...give...the...two...of...us...a...show...when...his...holiday...arrives. Not...sure...how...a...holiday...only...happens...every...couple...decades....but...I’m...not...about...to...argue...with...a...man...who...knows...his...way...around...a...candy...cane’s...sharp...end. Here’s...the...deal. You...’take...me...hostage’...and...host...a...little...show...to...raise...some...hype...for...his...holiday. Invite...him, invite...a...couple...gods, that...crap. You’ll...be...the...nefarious...host, I...the...lovely...captured...assistant, one...little...night...and...you...walk...away...every...wicked...soul...on...this...planet...knowing...you’re...way...cooler...than...Sr. Guano...or...the...sleepyhead. Well, everyone...but...me. Sorry...toots, but...it’ll...be...a...pretty...steep...hill...before...I...respect...you...after...your...recent...shit-show. Try...not...to...let...it...break...your...widdle...heart.”

Helsa glared right at Ickol once more, before crossing her tentacles and arms and snarling "Fine. I'll do your show."

 

[Churl]

Helsa glared right at Ickol once more, before crossing her tentacles and arms and snarling "Fine. I'll do your show."

Ickol Conversational

“Ah...ah...ah, your...show, remember? Jeez, learn...to...lighten...up. I...thought...you...would...be...salivating...at...this..shit. Whatever, let’s...step...into...the...studio, shall we? Don’t...want...any...guests...we...didn’t...invite...showing...up...to...’rescue...me’.”

Ickol swiped with the spear, opening a gash leading into the dream plane. Stepping through was a tv studio, manned by snow golems hooking up a crystal ball network. The two goddess were now in more festive clothing and Ickol snapped on a collar that appeared to be radiating corrupting energy. It almost felt authentic enough to fool Helsa.

 

[KolastoRPN]

Ickol Conversational

“Ah...ah...ah, your...show, remember? Jeez, learn...to...lighten...up. I...thought...you...would...be...salivating...at...this..shit. Whatever, let’s...step...into...the...studio, shall we? Don’t...want...any...guests...we...didn’t...invite...showing...up...to...’rescue...me’.”

Ickol swiped with the spear, opening a gash leading into the dream plane. Stepping through was a tv studio, manned by snow golems hooking up a crystal ball network. The two goddess were now in more festive clothing and Ickol snapped on a collar that appeared to be radiating corrupting energy. It almost felt authentic enough to fool Helsa.

Helsa was now wearing a red and green version of her outfit, along with a festive hat with holes for her tentacles.

...how the heck did she make that-no, don't question it. Just do the show, make sure Ickol tells no one about this, and get back to work. Let's get into character.

"Ickol, I need you to get me a specific one of my cultists. He's the only one of them that's bald."

 

[Churl]

Helsa was now wearing a red and green version of her outfit, along with a festive hat with holes for her tentacles.

...how the heck did she make that-no, don't question it. Just do the show, make sure Ickol tells no one about this, and get back to work. Let's get into character.

"Ickol, I need you to get me a specific one of my cultists. He's the only one of them that's bald."

“Oh? You...mean...THIS...CULTIST? Ta...da!”

Flipping her elf hat over, Ickol pulls out the cultist, going back to acting like her sing-song childish self.

 

[KolastoRPN]

“Oh? You...mean...THIS...CULTIST? Ta...da!”

Flipping her elf hat over, Ickol pulls out the cultist, going back to acting like her sing-song childish self.

...ok, how. Seriously, how?!

Helsa thought, while the cultist looked around in confusion. "Where in the name of Helsa's multiple eyeballs am I?!"

 

[Churl]

...ok, how. Seriously, how?!

Helsa thought, while the cultist looked around in confusion. "Where in the name of Helsa's multiple eyeballs am I?!"

Ickol Conversational

The goddess pats the man on the shoulder.

“Congratulations, young...lady! You...are...to...witness...the...first...of...its...kind! Ocaeril’s...very...own, Krassmas...special, hosted...by...your...lovely...patron...and...the...goddess...she’s...kidnapped. I...would’ve...thought...the...satanic...archetype...had...different...intentions...when...she...stole...a...lovely...young...thing...like...me, but...I’m...certainly...not...complaining...we’re...not...going...down...that...road.”

 

[KolastoRPN]

The goddess pats the man on the shoulder.

“Congratulations, young...lady! You...are...to...witness...the...first...of...its...kind! Ocaeril’s...very...own, Krassmas...special, hosted...by...your...lovely...patron...and...the...goddess...she’s...kidnapped. I...would’ve...thought...the...satanic...archetype...had...different...intentions...when...she...stole...a...lovely...young...thing...like...me, but...I’m...certainly...not...complaining...we’re...not...going...down...that...road.”

"...I am no lady. I think. Maybe. But by Helsa's multitude of tentacles, she kidnapped a goddess? Amazing!"

 

[Churl]

"...I am no lady. I think. Maybe. But by Helsa's multitude of tentacles, she kidnapped a goddess? Amazing!"

The goddess shuddered theatrically.
“Yes. I...fear...I...may...never...again...be...clean...after...that...man-handling...and...those...predatory...eyes.”

She points a trembling finger at Helsa. “For...sooth! I...can...only...hope...a...Krassmas...miracle...saves...me...from...this...foul...wench’s...depraved...machinations...this...night!”

 

[KolastoRPN]

The goddess shuddered theatrically.
“Yes. I...fear...I...may...never...again...be...clean...after...that...man-handling...and...those...predatory...eyes.”

She points a trembling finger at Helsa. “For...sooth! I...can...only...hope...a...Krassmas...miracle...saves...me...from...this...foul...wench’s...depraved...machinations...this...night!”

"Shut up." Helsa calmly said.

"So, where exactly am I? Like, specifically." The cultist said.

 

[Churl]

"Shut up." Helsa calmly said.

"So, where exactly am I? Like, specifically." The cultist said.

“Why, the...North...Pole...of...course!”

She spreads her arms dramatically, and a snowman in a conductor’s uniform nods in appreciation.

“We’re...hosting...a...crystal...ball...show, and...Helsa...decided...to...bring...you...because...?”

She looks curiously at the Corruptor.

 

[KolastoRPN]

“Why, the...North...Pole...of...course!”

She spreads her arms dramatically, and a snowman in a conductor’s uniform nods in appreciation.

“We’re...hosting...a...crystal...ball...show, and...Helsa...decided...to...bring...you...because...?”

She looks curiously at the Corruptor.

"Comic relief." She calmly states.

"...yeah, that's fair." The cultist admits.

 

[Churl]

"Comic relief." She calmly states.

"...yeah, that's fair." The cultist admits.

“Okay. I’d...watch...it...with...the...new...guy, though. He...tends...to...get...set...off...by...that...kind...of...stuff. Unless...you...don’t...care...if...your...buddy...here...has...the...same...amount...of...organs...on...his...insides...by...the...time...this...is...over. Anywho, looks...like...we’re...ready...to...air. Say...when, and...you...can...make...the...introduction. Ibelieveinyouyoucandothisgoodluck!“

Before the goddess can think, Ickol has fled to one of three chairs next to Helsa’s desk and has somehow tied herself up, looking at the camera with a spaced out confused grin. The snow golems behind the camera look reproachfully at Helsa and one holds up a placard that says ‘dead air’.

 

[KolastoRPN]

“Okay. I’d...watch...it...with...the...new...guy, though. He...tends...to...get...set...off...by...that...kind...of...stuff. Unless...you...don’t...care...if...your...buddy...here...has...the...same...amount...of...organs...on...his...insides...by...the...time...this...is...over. Anywho, looks...like...we’re...ready...to...air. Say...when, and...you...can...make...the...introduction. Ibelieveinyouyoucandothisgoodluck!“

Before the goddess can think, Ickol has fled to one of three chairs next to Helsa’s desk and has somehow tied herself up, looking at the camera with a spaced out confused grin. The snow golems behind the camera look reproachfully at Helsa and one holds up a placard that says ‘dead air’.

Helsa blinks a couple times before a grin spreads across her face.

Right. Let's do this. And then I'll slap Ickol afterwards.

"Hello, citizens of Ocaeril! If you don't know who I am, well...I'll gladly introduce myself.

Helsa's eyes flash green.

"I am the Queen of Darkness. I am Sin's Leader. I am the Twister of Souls. I. Am. Helsa."

Everything around her seems to grow darker for a second. Until she smiles naturally, and puts her hands together.

"And welcome to my show! I'm your host for this celebration; this is one of my cultists..."

"Lucius." The bald cultist says.

"Right. And this is my totally willing co-host..."

 

[Churl]

Helsa blinks a couple times before a grin spreads across her face.

Right. Let's do this. And then I'll slap Ickol afterwards.

"Hello, citizens of Ocaeril! If you don't know who I am, well...I'll gladly introduce myself.

Helsa's eyes flash green.

"I am the Queen of Darkness. I am Sin's Leader. I am the Twister of Souls. I. Am. Helsa."

Everything around her seems to grow darker for a second. Until she smiles naturally, and puts her hands together.

"And welcome to my show! I'm your host for this celebration; this is one of my cultists..."

"Lucius." The bald cultist says.

"Right. And this is my totally willing co-host..."

Ickol Conversational

“...
Wait, am...I...live? Cool.
...
Oh, wait. Yeah. I’m...Ickol. Hello. Now, I...know...what...you’re...thinking. This...isn’t...a...spanksgiving...thing.”

Ickol twisted her body to wave lazily at the orb.

 

[KolastoRPN]

“...
Wait, am...I...live? Cool.
...
Oh, wait. Yeah. I’m...Ickol. Hello. Now, I...know...what...you’re...thinking. This...isn’t...a...spanksgiving...thing.”

Ickol twisted her body to wave lazily at the orb.

"Indeed it is not!" Helsa smirks, leaning back in her chair.

"What are we doing here, my mistress of misfortune?" Lucius asks, bowing with a hat on his head. "...wait, when did I get this hat?"

 

[Churl]

"Indeed it is not!" Helsa smirks, leaning back in her chair.

"What are we doing here, my mistress of misfortune?" Lucius asks, bowing with a hat on his head. "...wait, when did I get this hat?"

“Hats...for...days, dude. It’s...hatven...here.”

She gestured to the recently materialized oversized top hat that rested uncomfortably on top of her elf hat.

“But...apparently...this...is...a...publicity...event...for...a...new...holiday, Krassmas. I’m...also...suspecting...the...raisins...Helsa...promised...were...a...ruse. I...probably...should...have...expected...when...she...got...out...the...rope...but...I...didn’t...want...to...embarrass...her...if...I...was...wrong. Anyways, we’ll...be...interviewing...several...gods...before...meeting...the...man? Men? Of...the...hour, Krass...Krangle...s.”

She shrugged. “Who’s...our...first...guest, Helsanta?”

 

[KolastoRPN]

Helsa Conversational

“Hats...for...days, dude. It’s...hatven...here.”

She gestured to the recently materialized oversized top hat that rested uncomfortably on top of her elf hat.

“But...apparently...this...is...a...publicity...event...for...a...new...holiday, Krassmas. I’m...also...suspecting...the...raisins...Helsa...promised...were...a...ruse. I...probably...should...have...expected...when...she...got...out...the...rope...but...I...didn’t...want...to...embarrass...her...if...I...was...wrong. Anyways, we’ll...be...interviewing...several...gods...before...meeting...the...man? Men? Of...the...hour, Krass...Krangle...s.”

She shrugged. “Who’s...our...first...guest, Helsanta?”

"Hmm...let me see..." Helsa said, pulling a list out of somewhere as nearby, Lucius looked at his hand, focusing on...something...

 

[Wolf Nerd]

Divisi, Action #1
Divisi had been letting the currents of the world carry him around the seas. After Tian Xia turned back into a dragon he had showed him that by common law he had squatted long enough to own the palace. Go figure. So he moved the nexus of currents over a bit and made another castle around it. He still visited Tian Xia a lot but he refused to race him.
The sorcerer didn't really interest him either, so the whole Bicentennial meeting was kinda dull. In other words, Divisi was insanely bored.
He lifted himself out of the currents and decided to look around for his champions to see how they were doing. That farm girl was doing pretty well for herself. He expected Arwan to be more ambitious. He was just keeping news between the Semitan villages. If only Arwan was fast enough to race him, then he would be able to have some fun.
Then he had a wonderful idea. He smiled before he appeared in Arwan's dream.
Arwan had been dreaming of climbing a mountain covered in frogs that were also rice when suddenly the mountain shifted into an open plain and the frogs swirled together into a little boy with fluffy white hair and a rippling water robe. "My Sprinter, Arwan. I have a small request for you."
Arwan kept shimmying forward on the plain, only vaguely aware that it was no longer a mountain. "Anything my lord."
DIvisi smiles widely and speaks his request in a singsong voice, "Then you will gather the fastest people across the lands and tell them that I, Divisi, shall give them a great boon if they win. Tell them to meet at Port Royal in 5 years time, then track will be ready by then."
With that, the plains flooded and Divisi dissipated, then the strands of grass turned into birds and the water turned into a hut, and Arwan turned into a carrot. After he eventually woke up, he had a long drink of coffee before slapping his forehead and praying to Divisi for the names of the people he was supposed to find.

 

[Celestial Speck]

Helsa blinks a couple times before a grin spreads across her face.

Right. Let's do this. And then I'll slap Ickol afterwards.

"Hello, citizens of Ocaeril! If you don't know who I am, well...I'll gladly introduce myself.

Helsa's eyes flash green.

"I am the Queen of Darkness. I am Sin's Leader. I am the Twister of Souls. I. Am. Helsa."

Everything around her seems to grow darker for a second. Until she smiles naturally, and puts her hands together.

"And welcome to my show! I'm your host for this celebration; this is one of my cultists..."

"Lucius." The bald cultist says.

"Right. And this is my totally willing co-host..."

Ickol Conversational

“...
Wait, am...I...live? Cool.
...
Oh, wait. Yeah. I’m...Ickol. Hello. Now, I...know...what...you’re...thinking. This...isn’t...a...spanksgiving...thing.”

Ickol twisted her body to wave lazily at the orb.

"Indeed it is not!" Helsa smirks, leaning back in her chair.

"What are we doing here, my mistress of misfortune?" Lucius asks, bowing with a hat on his head. "...wait, when did I get this hat?"

“Hats...for...days, dude. It’s...hatven...here.”

She gestured to the recently materialized oversized top hat that rested uncomfortably on top of her elf hat.

“But...apparently...this...is...a...publicity...event...for...a...new...holiday, Krassmas. I’m...also...suspecting...the...raisins...Helsa...promised...were...a...ruse. I...probably...should...have...expected...when...she...got...out...the...rope...but...I...didn’t...want...to...embarrass...her...if...I...was...wrong. Anyways, we’ll...be...interviewing...several...gods...before...meeting...the...man? Men? Of...the...hour, Krass...Krangle...s.”

She shrugged. “Who’s...our...first...guest, Helsanta?”

Helsa Conversational



"Hmm...let me see..." Helsa said, pulling a list out of somewhere as nearby, Lucius looked at his hand, focusing on...something...

Meanwhile, in a home that is probably empty...

Finally tucking Marah to bed after a disappointing day without any visits, Ocaeril gently gave his daughter a kiss on the head before blowing out the last candle illuminating her room. It was late at night, the cycle was almost ending, and gentle patches of snow fell outside, signalizing the beginning of the season, and soon, the end of this year and cycle. Ocaeril was mildly sad that Inqui (or Helsa) didn't come over to visit Marah, but he supposes it's only natural. The goddesses are probably busy, and after all, there's always the next cycle for her to come and visit. (...With Helsa.)

Ocaeril, himself, was ready to head out back to the Hall of the Gods, simply waiting for the gods to show up again and his godly powers to recharge. See, that was the plan. Turns out the plan will have to wait even more, as suddenly, Ocaeril's left eye showed him the image of a very, very familiar goddess of corruption with an equally familiar Destroyer, in an...Set of ropes that gave him bad, bad memories.

'Hwhat.'

Please don't let this be what he thinks it is- Oh okay good it isn't.

Simply standing at the entrance of his home, Ocaeril simply...Watched as the two goddesses talked in what appeared to be a talk show, and his expression only depicted confusion, secondhand embarrassment, and...Okay, he's not angry, since Helsa isn't doing anything yet, but he guesses this feeling is of even more confusion. Just what the hell is she doing? Krassmass? Are we already adopting a new holiday?? Please don't let it be related to Spanksgiving...

Ocaeril then sent a text message to Helsa, his question clear.

'...Can I ask what are you doing?'

He kinda wanted to ask if tying up Ickol in that way was really necessary and if she didn't take any accidental inspiration from him on that day, but he said to himself he's stupid and kept quiet.