Take A Favourite Game And Make It Sound Awful.

A weird knight smacks a bunch of other equally weird knights with a shovel because his girlfriend might not have died in a tower a while ago.

Shovel Knight (Specifically the base game.)
 
Trapped under the sea with junkies and daddies that only wants to kill you, while casing after small girls for more wonder drugs.
Also fly away little moth!
 
Donald Trump/Eggman/Pringles Guy invades your home planet. You need to go on a quest to save your home by murdering everyone in sight, beating up your friends, destroying property, solving puzzles that causes PTSD, and finally, straight up destroying Donald Trump/Eggman/Pringles Guy's soul when fighting a machine that wants to kill everyone in the universe by taking the form of a planet-sized space station that's part cat.

- Kirby: Planet Robobot
 
Run around, mash the same button to kill enemies over and over and over just like another game that does the exact same thing but this time has a Legend of Zelda skin.

-Hyrule Warriors
 
A man is betrayed, blamed for the murder of his lover and sent to prison. He escapes and is gifted powers by a black magic genie, he uses these powers to kill everyone and give the throne to his ten year old daughter and save the city?
-dishonored

A father and daughter are betrayed, their city is taken over by a black magic voodoo bitch. One is frozen in stone, the other saves the city by going to other cities and murdering countless people, including the black magic voodoo bitch and her voodoo clones.
-dishonored 2
 
A 100+ year old man with no friends - whose job is pretty much medieval pest control - wanders around the world, taking money from the poor and fornicating with sorceresses.

- Witcher 3
 
Group of mercenaries fight each other over a pile of gravel that two really rich old brothers inherited from their father, who hates them both. The brothers didn't want to share it. Then a third brother killed them both and sent robots to fight the mercenaries and some how can't kill them off even though there's only nine of them.

- Team Fortress 2
 
Local half-demon nearly kills his brother over sibling rivalry, but in the end everyone cries because HOLY SHIT THE ENDING IS SO SAD ;-;
- Devil May Cry 3
 
Fantasize about a massive, golden holy dragon god thing. Gets killed by a giant rabbit dragon with wings. wtf.
(Yu-gi-oh. Dragons mentioned are Divine Dragon Lord Felgrand and Rabidragon)

A giant evil devil monster than can destroy the entire world. Can't destroy a giant marshmallow
(Yu-gi-oh again. Armityle The Chaos Phantom and Marshmallon)

Winged dragon god that's supposedly Ra (as in egyptian sun god.) Get's killed by a caterpilar...
(Yu-gi-oh again. Winged Dragon of Ra and Petit Moth. At this point, this might as well be a rant about Yu-gi-oh logic.)
 
The first playthrough is almost always the best
- Skyrim

It's an EA game
- The Battlefield Series

It uses Peer-to-peer connection
- For Honor

It's a Ubisoft game
- Ghost Recon Wildlands
 
Save the world from a giant green hole in the sky. Spend 40+ hours on pointless side quests in the very first region.
Bears are stronger than Satan himself.
Plus dragons.

- Dragon Age Inquisition
 
Prince and his pals drive in a really nice car everywhere in the world to meet his fiancée. His pals include one a smart and intellegent cook, one overly muscular that loves Cup Noodles, one a photographer that loves big chickens, then finally, the dark emo prince.

~Final Fantasy 15​
 
You run around, whack monsters with oversized swords and harvest their body parts for armor and weapons. It's all to save- No, wait, it's all to help-

Oh, you skipped all the text and have no idea what the story is now... But hey! At least you made it all the way to G Rank though in your snazzy armor (good lord those drop rates)! Go you!

-Monster Hunter
 
Walk around a map for three hours playing army and saying words that were only created so you can look like a special snowflake while surviving multiple shots to the gut and IEDs to the face.

- Arma 3 Multiplayer
 
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