Fandom Star Wars: Grand Theft Star Destroyer

[bingus44]

Given a super quick look on everyone's CS so far. I know you guys have definitely put effort into your CSes, but I want you guys to show me a better version of what you've got now. It's all pretty rough around the edges, but I know you've got solid ideas, so I'll give you a chance to revise them.
@Bullet Tooth Tony Expand on your Characteristics more, get into the real nitty gritty. Explain to me how all the Core Traits you picked show how Horatio is a badass.


@Blarg222 You too! How do your Core Traits translate into HKs programming protocols and behaviors? I know you really want to tie into Tyber stuff, but that ain't really a thing yet. Be original; split away from canon and make up a new story. Galaxy is a big place, y'know. Also, one too many skills.


@Darkangel666 Your images aren't working. Nice that you explained each Core Trait as it came along. For you, try to write more smoothly: you have a lot of dangling and free modifiers applying to each of your clauses that draw it out and make it confusing in my opinion. In short, don't put so many thoughts separated by commas in one sentence. Try ending your sentences quicker to make your point clearer. In my opinion, of course.


@Greg2344 Heya, you've got lots of good stuff here too. For you, work on correcting your grammar. You have a whole TON of comma splices or run-on sentences. Three quick additional tips:


1) Proper nouns, like Jedi, Tatooine, or Mandalorian, should be capitalized.


2) Numbers should be spelled out, like ten rather than 10.


3) Finish your thoughts with periods rather than commas. This way you'll have a lot of short sentences, which while a bit abrupt, is less confusing than endless modifiers and clauses.


@Deadkool Love the quotes from his POV. Not enough details; I read these to judge how creative of a player you are and how good of a writer you are. The latter I have few problems with, but with the former it looks like you haven't got much. Explain to me with DETAIL! Show me you know Jerrick inside out.

Thanks for the feedback it's awesome. I'll do my best to improve, but one thing I must say is that I'm on ipad so I wasn't capitalizing the proper nouns purely out of laziness.

 

[Deadkool]

I recently realized that the event of our rp will be happening at the same time of Starkiller's rebellion

 

[Master Attano]

And whatever happens in that new Star Wars rebels show. I don't think we should worry about it too much though. Just focus on doing our own thing. Speaking of which I should be able to do the finishing touches on my character sheet today (my time zone) if everything goes well.

 

[Deadkool]

Oh, and The Force Awakens might play a pretty big role on the rp, if it lasts long enough.

 

[Lexielai]

I'm not going to let a silly thing like canon stop me >

 

[izayoiix]

Oh Lex

 

[Master Attano]

Just posted my character sheet, please forgive any mistakes with grammar or spelling, but do point them out for me to change, I had to push this out or forever be working on it Also my filling out of the BB coding is clearly amateur and it is probably clear I have never done it before.


Anyway tell me what you think when you get a chance @Lexielai and I should also note that I would be interested in the possible development of force abilities for Sarith if you are so inclined. No problems if not though

 

[Lexielai]

Okay, lemme look xD

 

[izayoiix]

Alright! Hopefully I can finish after this week >.>

 

[Christopher Pyne MP]

Does your liking of our posts mean they're ok?

 

[Lexielai]

It means I liked it. I'm a lot tougher than that lmao

 

[Christopher Pyne MP]

It means I liked it. I'm a lot tougher than that lmao

I meant to say acceptable. So does your liking of my CS mean its acceptable for RP?

 

[Lexielai]

Who do you think I am? I'll tell you through PM if you passed the preliminary stages first, then I'll tell you what I think needs to be fixed before you get accepted. This would apply to all players, to clarify that it's not just you.

 

[Deadkool]

 

[Blarg222]

 

[Lexielai]

Loooool

 

[Blarg222]

So! can we start soon?

 

[Lexielai]

I still need to finalize who's going to be accepted. I think I'm going to shoot for 4 or so players this time around.

 

[Wintermute]

I still need to finalize who's going to be accepted. I think I'm going to shoot for 4 or so players this time around.

The tension is really high, actually XDD I do hope I get accepted up to a certain extent, even if I have to edit certain things in my CS.

 

[Master Attano]

So..what's happening? Waiting for more people or flagging this @Lexielai ?

 

[Lexielai]

Been busy so I've been putting this on the back burner for awhile.

 

[Master Attano]

Ok no problem

 

[Lexielai]

Alright, I'll get back to cracking down here on the weekend xD

 

[Master Attano]

Rest in peace, this looked like it had great potential

 

[Wintermute]

You can't give up on it just yet.