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Fandom Star Wars: Grand Theft Star Destroyer

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Alanyah's core traits don't seem to make much sense at a glance xD
 
[QUOTE="Master Attano]Phew! finished the Background I think, now I have to do everything else ;P

[/QUOTE]
Mine's way longer than I intended it to be -.-
 
We'll have to compare our definitions of overboard once they're done, I get the feeling your's is going to be more extreme than mine ;)
 
Atticus Darcy is finished. You can click on the colored blocks in his History to read his background! xD


They're ranked from Light/Rise to Dark/Fall, if you were wondering.
 
I still need to tie her personality together in the end xD


So doing that tomorrow when I have energy
 
Given a super quick look on everyone's CS so far. I know you guys have definitely put effort into your CSes, but I want you guys to show me a better version of what you've got now. It's all pretty rough around the edges, but I know you've got solid ideas, so I'll give you a chance to revise them.


@Bullet Tooth Tony Expand on your Characteristics more, get into the real nitty gritty. Explain to me how all the Core Traits you picked show how Horatio is a badass.


@Blarg222 You too! How do your Core Traits translate into HKs programming protocols and behaviors? I know you really want to tie into Tyber stuff, but that ain't really a thing yet. Be original; split away from canon and make up a new story. Galaxy is a big place, y'know. Also, one too many skills.


@Darkangel666 Your images aren't working. Nice that you explained each Core Trait as it came along. For you, try to write more smoothly: you have a lot of dangling and free modifiers applying to each of your clauses that draw it out and make it confusing in my opinion. In short, don't put so many thoughts separated by commas in one sentence. Try ending your sentences quicker to make your point clearer. In my opinion, of course.


@Greg2344 Heya, you've got lots of good stuff here too. For you, work on correcting your grammar. You have a whole TON of comma splices or run-on sentences. Three quick additional tips:


1) Proper nouns, like Jedi, Tatooine, or Mandalorian, should be capitalized.


2) Numbers should be spelled out, like ten rather than 10.


3) Finish your thoughts with periods rather than commas. This way you'll have a lot of short sentences, which while a bit abrupt, is less confusing than endless modifiers and clauses.


@Deadkool Love the quotes from his POV. Not enough details; I read these to judge how creative of a player you are and how good of a writer you are. The latter I have few problems with, but with the former it looks like you haven't got much. Explain to me with DETAIL! Show me you know Jerrick inside out.
 
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@Lexielai Thanks for the feedback though I don't really know how to expand the story very much. I really wanted mine to be an HK series droid and I can't really do that without bringing in canon and I feel like without the Tyber and Confederacy my final quarter of my Bio would be too general. Since I can't really make him a lone wanderer without making him seem like a serial killer. If you have any suggestions for this could you PM me?
 
@Lexielai Thanks so much for the feedback. I will try to fix the image not working because that was some strange business I did with that. I'll also try to take your advice and write more smoothly and make it less confusing.


EDIT: Image should be working now. As I said, I had done something really, really strange with attachments because they were being all funky
 
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