Soulmate?

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade looks away from herself in the mirror, moves her hair to cover her eyes then opens the door and fake smiles at Austin. "See? All good." She said, her voice showing that she meant it when she really didn't.

 

[Zotohxan]

Still unconvinced, Austin leans down and pushes Jade's hair from her eyes, staring into them with a concerned expression. "Jade. Don't lie to me." His words are simply spoken, but had so much meaning behind them he couldn't even distinguish it from a sound of love... Though, he couldn't love her. She would find her soul mate soon enough. Besides, she hates him. Always has, always will. So these feelings he's secretly harbored for her near ten years now are meaningless. They can never come to pass.


Soul mates don't exist. Because if they did, Jade would be his. The amount of love he's always felt for this girl is evidence of that. But because she hates him, it's quite clear they are only myth.

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade looks away from him, her hair falling in her eyes again. "I'm just tired okay? And no I won't go back to sleep because I can't sleep longer than a hour or so.." She mumbled, her voice finally giving away exactly how tired she was. It was almost ad if you could tell she hadnt had a good nights rest is many years.

 

[Zotohxan]

Austin sighs and shakes his head, "Jade..." He reaches up to run a hand through his hair before standing to his full height, again. "Whatever." He turns and walks fully into the bedroom again, "What do you want to do, then?"

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade shrugs, and just when she thinks she might say something, her stomach growls quite audibly and she wraps her arms around it as if it was in pain, which it was. Ever since Austin had called her thighs huge time, she'd stopped eat as much, almost it total and she'd almost gotten to the point where she didn't have to eat, but then there were moments like this when the sounds were loud and her stomach ached so much it hurt her.

 

[Zotohxan]

Austin frowns at the sound emitted from Jade's stomach, his mind filtering through the memories of every time he's ever said anything negative about her body... He'd often told her that she's far too fat, or 'jolly'. Then it goes throughj his mind how he hasn't seen her eat in years... And suddenly, his blood runs cold. "Jade.... Do you eat..?"

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade looks away from him and moves her hand from her stomach. "Yes.." She said, her voice showing the the answer was true..though she wouldn't tell him how much she ate. I do eat..just not much..Why? Because of you..you called me fat..and so many other things..So why am I nice to you? Why am I still here?.. She thought that last question over and over in her head as she refused to look at him, in fear he'd ask more question about her health. Why did he care anyways? He had always bullied her and made fun of her..so why was her pretending to care now?

 

[Zotohxan]

Austin shakes his head as he reaches out and grabs Jade's wrist, dragging her out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, "C'mon. I'll make you some food." His voice shows his care for her, though he tried to hide it. "I don't believe you..."

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade yelps from the sudden contact as she half expected him to hurt her. "W...why are you taking care of me?.. I thought you hated me.." She said softly, her mind in a whir about everything that was going on in this moment.

 

[Zotohxan]

Austin's grip tightens slightly as he becomes upset. "I thought you hated me.." Those words stabbed him straight through the heart, as well as pained him deeply. And it's because of that his mouth begins to work faster than his mind, "No, you idiot! I've never hated you! I couldn't hate you! Geez. You're the one who hates me! I-" His eyes go wide as he cuts himself off, stalling abruptly in his walk toward the kitchen as he realizes he was about to admit that he loves Jade... It's something he'd never said out loud, and certainly not to her...

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade flinches at his words, her eyes tearing up as she was scared of him..how he was acting. It was strange..it was almost like..he did care..but he didn't. This was just one of his tricks to hurt her wasn't it? And now here she was, for the first time since 3rd grade, crying in front of him out of sheer fear and maybe a few other things but she'd never reveal them to Austin. Never.

 

[Zotohxan]

At Jade's silence, Austin turns and his expression immediately softens when he sees the tears falling down her face. "O-Oh god... I'm sorry, Jade..." He feels heartbroken... It'd been years since he last saw her cry, and it's always the worst pain when he sees it... He swallows hard and shakes his head, before turning completely and reaching out to pull her tightly into his arms, crashing the smaller girl against his chest. "Shh... I'm sorry for shouting, Jade... I told you I wouldn't hurt you, so I won't, okay? You don't have to be afraid... I'm so sorry.."

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade's arms wrap around his stomach automatically as she softly cries into his chest, something she once told herself she wouldn't do, but now it just felt pointless to keep it all in..she was already crying and who knew what else. Was she shaking? Most likely.. At this point Jade felt so many emotions it was crazy and she could swear she felt something in her chest, right where we heart was, coming to life, a feeling that perhaps never existed for this boy before. But what was it? And why did the area over her heart feel..warm?

 

[Zotohxan]

Austin closes his eyes and rests his cheek on top of Jade's head, feeling his chest warm up where her face is buried against it. "Hey... It's alright.. I'm sorry."

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade shakes her head and slowly pulls away from him, wiping her eyes on the sleeves of her gray long sleeved shirt. "I..its okay..I'm sorry for crying..I must seem like a baby.." She said, her voice catching on the last words as she looked away from him. She was so sure her face was red and blotchy, she was sure she looked more awful than ever before to him.. Jade's breathing was ragged and she was sure she was weezing.

 

[Zotohxan]

Austin shakes his head vigorously, his eyes trained on Jade's face as he puts his hands gently on her shoulders and leans down so that they're eye-level. "You look beautiful, Jade. And I don't think you're a baby at all." He keeps his expression soft, along with his tone. "I'm so sorry for scaring you..." He doesn't even have time to think as his words come out involuntarily, "I love you, Jade... I swear that I didn't mean to scare y-"


He finally realizes what he said... "I love you, Jade". "I love you".... Shit.


The eighteen year old quickly pulls back from the girl, his eyes wide and his palms beginning to sweat as he takes several steps backward, "I-uh... That's not.. I-" His stuttering is cut off as he can't even formulate words properly. His heart is beating more than just rapidly in his chest, panic settling in... Jade hates him, and this'll only cause more of that... He's loved her for years, but... He's never openly admitted it... Always told himself he wouldn't. But here he is, telling her right after she has the ritual to find her soul mate... Fucking shit...

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade's breathing seemed to stop for that single moment as the world around her froze. She felt so..confused,..or was it..lost? She had no idea, but for some reason, in that moment she couldn't breath, couldn't speak..couldn't anything. She felt..cold..and suddenly like she was looking at herself from a far or a mirror, like this wasn't really happening to her. She could see herself, standing there in the hall of Austin's apartment, frail, weak, scared and shocked. And Austin..he looked utterly shocked too..like he'd just told her the biggest secret ever. Then reality hit her hard, which sent her gasping for air.


She was panicking and shaking violently.


For some reason the world was spinning once again and all Jade could do was fall to her knees, fall over, curl up in the fetal position as gasp for air while shaking and hugging her knee's to her chest tightly. Her chest felt tight, and her eyes? They were closed just as tight as her chest felt. In a way, Jade was scared, she had no idea what was going on right now, then again she kind of felt..at peace. What's going on? She thought, and she could swear she might have heard herself say that..but who knew. At this point her ears were ringing and she was utterly terrified.

 

[Zotohxan]

Austin rushes over, more in a panic now at the state Jade is in as he drops down beside her and hesitantly reaches out to touch her back. "J-Jade... I'm so sorry, I know you hate me... God I know... I didn't mean to say that,I swear... Please, don't close up on yourself... You're okay, hell... I'll even leave so that you can be alone, just... Just say the word. You can hit me, or kick me, or whatever else you need to do... Just please don't freak out like this.."


Way to go, Austin... You're such a fucking idiot... He continues to insult himself in his mind, not caring about anything else at the moment but how he'd hurt the only person he'd ever loved...

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade shook even worse, but her breath seemed to being coming back to her, though she still couldn't speak.Her chest was far too tight for words right now. Then she felt it..his hand..it touched her. As tense as she was right now, for some reason, his touch, was calming, but not so much she was okay at all. Inwardly she was still freaking out along with the outside. She didn't know how to react to this, it wasn't something she saw coming. Though somehow she had to tell him not to leave her, that she was too scared of what was going inside her and outside her for her to be 'okay' alone. So with the best she could muster out she spoke three little words. "S-s-scared...D-don't...g-g-go.." Her voice was obviously strained and right raw for some reason. The world around her still seemed to spin even though her eyes were closed so tight she was sure it looked like she was making a sour face..or maybe she looked like she was intense pain, either way, she didn't want to be alone, and even though Austin was the only person in the world she didn't want to be alone with, she had no choice. He was the only person she had.

 

[Zotohxan]

Austin frowns, but nods. He could tell that he was the whole reason Jade was scared, but didn't know how to help her... So, he just leaned up against the wall, still on the floor next to her, and watched in hopes that she would soon begin to calm down. "I'm not going anywhere..."

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

After what felt like hours, JAde had finally calmed enough to the point where she felt like maybe..just maybe..she could speak to him and call out his..lie? Surely it wasn't true. Austin didn't love her. He couldn't. And even if he did..would it matter? She had a soulmate to find. If she even had one.


Slowly and carefully, Jade opened her eyes. At first all she saw was spots then her vision cleared and she slowly came to a sitting position. She was no facing Austin and his had was still on her, though at some point during her panic attack she must have grabbed his hand because their finger were laced together. "...I'm..sorry." She said, her voice very soft as she had no idea what else to say. What do you say to your bully when You have a panic attack in their house? Better yet..what do you say when they admit they love you?

 

[Zotohxan]

Austin shakes his head, squeezing her hand encouragingly with a soft smile on his face. His relief was evident at the fact Jade was doing at least a little better. "No need to apologize... You feeling better?"


((sorry,man... So fricking tired xD ))

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade nods a bit and pulls her hand away from his, an empty feeling filling her after doing so, and the strange warmth in her chest dying out as she lost contact with him. "Y..yeah..I guess.." She said and looked down into her lap, as if maybe it had all the answers. "Austin..did you..mean it?" She asked, her voice very quiet. So much so one might not have heard her.

 

[Zotohxan]

Despite the quietness of Jade's voice, Austin hears her loud and clear... And the question makes him freeze in his spot, his blood running cold and his mind racing. On one hand, he could save himself the heartbreak and just tell her no. He could say that it was a slip of the tongue, not knowing how else to make her feel better since he'd promised not to hurt her- and he's not one to break his promises... However, on the other hand, he could tell her the truth; that his words were 100% true, and take the consequences as they'd come...


Before he even has time to fully think through his options, Austin's head is nodding up and down slowly as he lowers his head down to look at his own lap, obviously ashamed as well as nervous to her response. "I did... More than anything, I do..."

 

[KhalZhavvorsa]

Jade shakes her head slowly then stands up. "You're just.. delusional.." She said, her voice obviously hurt as she didn't believe him. How could she? All his and her life he'd bullied her, hurt her, and so many other things. How could he love his victim? The girl he always seemed to hate for even just existing. He'd even told her that..he even pounded in her head countless times that there was no way a monster like her could love or receive love. So was this just part of his bulling?