Humor RpNation's Joke Thread

What do you get when Poot gets freaky with a cheese wheel?

A salty pirate [Censored because I don't want to be Masongynistic and degrade anybody based on their life choices and what they see as a suitable way to make their living or feed the mouthes at home]






Pootine


Just to be clear, I suck at humor. I'm almost as bad as this dice roll is going to be.


[dice]16948[/dice]
 
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It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.






Trick question; they keep complimenting the bulb but it still never screws.





None. PETA can't change anything.
 
Are joke pics allowed here? Couldn't resist making these: the hottest mixtape of 2013 and most anticipated mixtape of 2016 (respectively) (^U^)


368307.jpg



Song List: Song List (Since it's difficult to read):1. Two Terms 2. Yes We Can (Again Remix)3. You Gon' Get It (Obamacare)4. Senate House Killers5.Baracka Flocka Flame feat. Bill Cosby6. Justice Has Been Done (Osama's Dead) feat. Seal Team Six7. Haven't Collapsed (Economy)8. Still Open (Guantanamo Bay)9. How You Liking That (Hope)10. I Just Can't Deal With Them (Correction: [Republicans]) feat. DJ Biden11. Stay Flying (Drones)12. No War? Fine feat. The American People


<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/57a8c61833ac1_MixtapeCover.jpg.1096214191d830b33ede4dca3ab699a9.jpg" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="89537" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/57a8c61833ac1_MixtapeCover.jpg.1096214191d830b33ede4dca3ab699a9.jpg" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p>


Includes the hit single: "The Godfather" feat. The Prez

 

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I know it's stupid but... WW2 joke.


What did the Maus say when it saw a Panzer I?

-Are you lost little one?
 
Wanna hear a really funny joke?

My life.


feel_400x400.gif



Hitler asked a fellow Nazi the time. What did the Nazi say?

It's reich past nein.
A child asked his father, "Dad, I'm hungry." The father replied, "Hi Hungry, I'm dad!" The child died of starvation that night.
 
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At my school a gang of these indian guys were arrested; one brought a BB gun to school and someone they were planning to ambush thought it was real.


My joke for that event has been "I guess you could say "The brownies are in the oven.""
 
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Why did Zankyou no Terror only have 11 Episodes?


Cause Twelve Didn`t Make it


@Ghost


saw that you liked zankyou no terror on yo about ghost post.


so i decided to make a terrible joke.
 
I don't know know if anyone will find this humerus but I'm gonna give it a shot.


Knock knock.


(Who's there?)


A broken pencil.


(A broken pencil who?)


Never mind, it's pointless.


Yeah, tibia honest that was bad.
 
<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/artflow_201512122256.png.cdc9ad6e30d44657baceb5b8992638ff.png" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="91394" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/artflow_201512122256.png.cdc9ad6e30d44657baceb5b8992638ff.png" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p>

 

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These are all "Dad" jokes but it's the best I can think of right now. lol Hopefully they'll still be entertaining.


"Woman Born Again"
One day, a woman was crossing the street, but because she wasn't looking both ways, she unfortunately got run over by a car and died.


As an ambulance picked up her body and took it to the local hospital, she found herself standing in Heaven and in front of God. She tells God that she isn't ready to die, and God tells her he knows, and agrees to allow her to live on Earth once more.


Deciding to take full advantage of her rebirth, she drops a load of money on plastic surgery in order to make herself look as beautiful as possible. However, sometime later, she gets run over again.


Back alongside God, she rants to him: "What happened? I thought you told me I still had time left!"


God replies, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you."
"The Old Man & The Frog"
An old man was walking down the street when suddenly, he started hearing noises. It sounded like someone was crying out to him. "Hey! Hey! Down here!" It said. The man looked down to see that it was a frog.


"I need your help," the frog said. "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess!"


However, the old man simply took the frog in his hands, set in it his pockets, and went home. The frog was furious with him all the way, hooping and hollering to let her go.


When the old man got the frog home, she asked: "What's wrong with you? I told that I would turn into a princess if you kissed me!"


The old man said, "At my age, I'd rather have a talkin' frog."
"The Talking Dog"
A man reads an ad in the newspaper that says, "Talking Dog for Sale". Curious, he drives to the address where the supposed talking dog lives. The owner lets him inside and lets him speak to the dog. The man asks the dog about himself, and the dog goes on to tell him his own life story.


"I've done it all, son. I've fought in wars, I've invented new forms of technology, and I've even been to the Moon once or twice. Yes sir, I can safely say that I've lived a good and meaningful life."


The man goes to the owner and says, "That's an amazing dog you have. Why do you want to sell him?"


The owner says, "Because he's a damn liar."
 
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Myself and @Sunbather in a great duette.


#YesterdayNight<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/57a8c65f49b0d_Namnls2.png.dd49939fb2716dcd6ea1681674238976.png" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="92209" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/57a8c65f49b0d_Namnls2.png.dd49939fb2716dcd6ea1681674238976.png" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p>

 

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Dad: Two men walked into a bar, what'd the third man do?.


Me: Uhh... ordered a Pina Collate?


Dad: He ducked.


Me: Ohh. *hysterical laughter*
 
What happens when you combine a Playstation 3 and a Wii? (Or Wii U, either one works)

A PS-thWii!
 
For any DBZ fans out there:


<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/image.jpeg.d8bce8fa76e36a73b53cf276f95c031e.jpeg" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="92461" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/image.jpeg.d8bce8fa76e36a73b53cf276f95c031e.jpeg" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p>


<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/image.jpeg.4cbbe1a591b961b57e6c8d5b102e1630.jpeg" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="92462" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/image.jpeg.4cbbe1a591b961b57e6c8d5b102e1630.jpeg" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p>


<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/image.jpeg.5471f55402ea72cbc4d6eb9463bdd8b7.jpeg" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="92463" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2015_12/image.jpeg.5471f55402ea72cbc4d6eb9463bdd8b7.jpeg" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p>


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This is my own personal favorite joke of all time, and a real hit at parties. Better told aloud than written, but here goes:


A father is looking to celebrate his son's 10th birthday. The big one-zero! The first step into double digits! The father is proud of his son, and eager to make this big milestone special. So he says, "son! For your special day, I'll get you anything you want! Name it and it's yours. I promise!"


The son thinks for a moment and says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls". The dad is a little confused, but figures if that's what his kid wants, that's what his kid gets. A promise is a promise, and the gift is given.


Years later, it's his son's 16th year birthday. Another big milestone! Driving age! A new era in a man's life; one of freedom and independence and responsibility. Overjoyed for his son, the father says, "son! It's your big 16th birthday! You got your license, now you can ask for anything your heart desires. Just name it!"


The son thinks for a moment and says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls". The dad resists initially. "Son, c'mon. You could ask for a brand new car! Anything!"


The son shakes his head and insists on 999,000 red ping pong balls. The father sighs and agrees.


A couple years later, his son reaches the age of 18. The first true step into legal adulthood. It fills the father with pride to see his own son grown into a remarkable young man. A bright future lays ahead, and calls for celebration. And what better to truly celebrate by giving his son whatever he asks? So he pulls his kid aside and says "son! Happy 18th birthday! I'll get you anything you want on this special day. Just name it."


The son thinks for a moment and says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls". The father gets angry this time and says "No. Not this again. I am not getting you 999,000 red ping pong balls. This is an important day."


The son refuses and says, "dad, if you really want to see me happy, you'd get me 999,0000 red ping pong balls". With a sigh, the father agrees.


A few years later, the son meets a wonderful young woman and falls in love, and the two announce their engagement. The father is overjoyed for his son. He resolves to make their wedding a true day to remember, by getting anything his son wants as a wedding gift. The son says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls." The father loses it. He yells and carries on, emphasizing that a marriage is something one must take seriously. The son listens quietly until his father calms down once more.


He insists, "dad, I only want 999,000 red ping pong balls. If you love me, you'd grant me this one wish." The dad agrees.


A year goes by, and the son gets into a terrible car accident and is rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately, the doctors are unable to keep him in stable condition for very long - his injuries are just too severe. They inform his father of this fact, and ask him to come say his goodbyes.


The father sits beside his son's hospital bed, tears in his eyes as they recall fond memories together. It is a good final moment together. But one thing sticks out in the father's mind.


He looks to his son and says, "son... after all these years, I simply have to know - what did you do with all those red ping pong balls?"


The son looks to his dad and says, "dad... I--" and then dies.
 
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cam said:
This is my own personal favorite joke of all time, and a real hit at parties. Better told aloud than written, but here goes:
A father is looking to celebrate his son's 10th birthday. The big one-zero! The first step into double digits! The father is proud of his son, and eager to make this big milestone special. So he says, "son! For your special day, I'll get you anything you want! Name it and it's yours. I promise!"


The son thinks for a moment and says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls". The dad is a little confused, but figures if that's what his kid wants, that's what his kid gets. A promise is a promise, and the gift is given.


Years later, it's his son's 16th year birthday. Another big milestone! Driving age! A new era in a man's life; one of freedom and independence and responsibility. Overjoyed for his son, the father says, "son! It's your big 16th birthday! You got your license, now you can ask for anything your heart desires. Just name it!"


The son thinks for a moment and says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls". The dad resists initially. "Son, c'mon. You could ask for a brand new car! Anything!"


The son shakes his head and insists on 999,000 red ping pong balls. The father sighs and agrees.


A couple years later, his son reaches the age of 18. The first true step into legal adulthood. It fills the father with pride to see his own son grown into a remarkable young man. A bright future lays ahead, and calls for celebration. And what better to truly celebrate by giving his son whatever he asks? So he pulls his kid aside and says "son! Happy 18th birthday! I'll get you anything you want on this special day. Just name it."


The son thinks for a moment and says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls". The father gets angry this time and says "No. Not this again. I am not getting you 999,000 red ping pong balls. This is an important day."


The son refuses and says, "dad, if you really want to see me happy, you'd get me 999,0000 red ping pong balls". With a sigh, the father agrees.


A few years later, the son meets a wonderful young woman and falls in love, and the two announce their engagement. The father is overjoyed for his son. He resolves to make their wedding a true day to remember, by getting anything his son wants as a wedding gift. The son says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls." The father loses it. He yells and carries on, emphasizing that a marriage is something one must take seriously. The son listens quietly until his father calms down once more.


He insists, "dad, I only want 999,000 red ping pong balls. If you love me, you'd grant me this one wish." The dad agrees.


A year goes by, and the son gets into a terrible car accident and is rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately, the doctors are unable to keep him in stable condition for very long - his injuries are just too severe. They inform his father of this fact, and ask him to come say his goodbyes.


The father sits beside his son's hospital bed, tears in his eyes as they recall fond memories together. It is a good final moment together. But one thing sticks out in the father's mind.


He looks to his son and says, "son... after all these years, I simply have to know - what did you do with all those red ping pong balls?"


The son looks to his dad and says, "dad... I--" and then dies.
Click to expand...
I guess the son really dropped the ball on that one
 
cam said:
This is my own personal favorite joke of all time, and a real hit at parties. Better told aloud than written, but here goes:
A father is looking to celebrate his son's 10th birthday. The big one-zero! The first step into double digits! The father is proud of his son, and eager to make this big milestone special. So he says, "son! For your special day, I'll get you anything you want! Name it and it's yours. I promise!"


The son thinks for a moment and says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls". The dad is a little confused, but figures if that's what his kid wants, that's what his kid gets. A promise is a promise, and the gift is given.


Years later, it's his son's 16th year birthday. Another big milestone! Driving age! A new era in a man's life; one of freedom and independence and responsibility. Overjoyed for his son, the father says, "son! It's your big 16th birthday! You got your license, now you can ask for anything your heart desires. Just name it!"


The son thinks for a moment and says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls". The dad resists initially. "Son, c'mon. You could ask for a brand new car! Anything!"


The son shakes his head and insists on 999,000 red ping pong balls. The father sighs and agrees.


A couple years later, his son reaches the age of 18. The first true step into legal adulthood. It fills the father with pride to see his own son grown into a remarkable young man. A bright future lays ahead, and calls for celebration. And what better to truly celebrate by giving his son whatever he asks? So he pulls his kid aside and says "son! Happy 18th birthday! I'll get you anything you want on this special day. Just name it."


The son thinks for a moment and says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls". The father gets angry this time and says "No. Not this again. I am not getting you 999,000 red ping pong balls. This is an important day."


The son refuses and says, "dad, if you really want to see me happy, you'd get me 999,0000 red ping pong balls". With a sigh, the father agrees.


A few years later, the son meets a wonderful young woman and falls in love, and the two announce their engagement. The father is overjoyed for his son. He resolves to make their wedding a true day to remember, by getting anything his son wants as a wedding gift. The son says, "I want 999,000 red ping pong balls." The father loses it. He yells and carries on, emphasizing that a marriage is something one must take seriously. The son listens quietly until his father calms down once more.


He insists, "dad, I only want 999,000 red ping pong balls. If you love me, you'd grant me this one wish." The dad agrees.


A year goes by, and the son gets into a terrible car accident and is rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately, the doctors are unable to keep him in stable condition for very long - his injuries are just too severe. They inform his father of this fact, and ask him to come say his goodbyes.


The father sits beside his son's hospital bed, tears in his eyes as they recall fond memories together. It is a good final moment together. But one thing sticks out in the father's mind.


He looks to his son and says, "son... after all these years, I simply have to know - what did you do with all those red ping pong balls?"


The son looks to his dad and says, "dad... I--" and then dies.
Click to expand...
That was pretty ballsy to post that.
 
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