OOC (Out-of-Character) Chat

@Daimao Nice work, I'm loving the idea of Krod (I cannot pronounce that last name at all hehe). Scariest doctor I've seen! "Woolies" misspelling also gave me a laugh. There are a couple of minor issues with it. 


His personality is sparse, It's like I'm reading my doctor's professional profile on my medical website. Even less detailed than that, actually! There's not much detail on his personal quirks and the traits that feel really personal. Things like why he did medicine; did he like helping people? You covered this briefly in your background, but not wanting to be a hunter doesn't lead to becoming a doctor. There's a missing link there, which is a perfect part of his personality. I'd encourage you to add more meat besides what I just suggested to. Stuff like my examples in the CS template, or if you also would like to REALLY impress me, you could use this guide to help too: http://www.ashami.com/rpg/


Besides that I see tons of possibilities with Lars. You may end up seeing him again after all...but is he the same? =P
 
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Lexielai said:
@Daimao Nice work, I'm loving the idea of Krod (I cannot pronounce that last name at all hehe). Scariest doctor I've seen! "Woolies" misspelling also gave me a laugh. There are a couple of minor issues with it. 


His personality is sparse, It's like I'm reading my doctor's professional profile on my medical website. Even less detailed than that, actually! There's not much detail on his personal quirks and the traits that few really personal. Things like why he did medicine; did he like helping people? You covered this briefly in your background, but not wanting to be a hunter doesn't lead to becoming a doctor. There's a missing link there, which is a perfect part of his personality. I'd encourage you to add more meat besides what I just suggested to. Stuff like my examples in the CS template, or if you also would like to REALLY impress me, you could use this guide to help too: http://www.ashami.com/rpg/


Besides that I see tons of possibilities with Lars. You may end up seeing him again after all...but is he the same? =P
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Aye aye, I'll go do that now
 
@Lexielai Ta-da!

HK-51, simply dubbed 'HK' is an assassin droid from a long forgotten period of galactic history. At first glance HK may seem to be a long outdated protocol droid with a clear disposition toward his current employment aboard the Traveler. But below this surface lies the assassination protocols and unsettling brutality that the Hunter Killer droids were once infamous for. HK is in fact a sentient droid, bound only to service by a restraining bolt locked on him upon his discovery in a Czerka underground cargo storage warehouse dug up on Telos IV. HK seeks to perform all the tasks that he puts his processor to at the full height of his ability. Be it the assassination of a high value target, preparation of a gourmet meal from ration packs; or both at the same time. HK approaches all situations with a dry wit, sarcastic humor, and a loaded slugthrower rifle.
 
@Proxploxtops It's much better. Great work, the text has a flow now. However, I'm getting the understanding that you don't know exactly which words to capitalize. I was in your shoes once too, but I'm going to reiterate that I expect you to be on top of handling it even if it means educating yourself. 


I'll point out several of the errors so you know. 


"he runs out of imperial credits" - Imperial should be capitalized. I saw you did capitalize later on though. 


"clone wars" - Should be "Clone Wars." Important, unique events are capitalized. World War II, the Afghanistan War, the Holocaust, the Armenian Genocide, the American Revolution, etc. Remember this. 


"the empire, rebels and bounty hunters alike." - Should be "The Empire." Unique institutions are capitalized. Easy rule of thumb: if it's a name with "the" in front of it, it's probably capitalized. 


"Imperial academy" - Should be "Imperial Academy." The full name of the institution is capitalized, not just part. For example, the proper form is "Stanford University" not "Stanford university." (Also fuck Stanford. Go bears!) 


Brief grammar lesson done, this will be the last warning about capitalization. You've got good ideas, but it seems like you may not have played enough (or learned enough) to write at my standards. Don't worry, I wouldn't have matched my current standards a few years ago either. If you think you can really pull it together, JUMP to more consistently proper grammar, and keep it up continuously, I'm open to having you. If not, you may want to consider learning and improving in other roleplays and coming back later. Remember that if you try to stick around and can't keep up, I will have to give you warnings or even kick you. It's up to you, though for what it's worth I see potential. 


Note to everyone! I'm going to be MUCH less lenient with IC posts than I am with character sheets. The application screens out people who aren't yet experienced enough to consistently write at my expected level. 
 
Lexielai said:
@Proxploxtops It's much better. Great work, the text has a flow now. However, I'm getting the understanding that you don't know exactly which words to capitalize. I was in your shoes once too, but I'm going to reiterate that I expect you to be on top of handling it even if it means educating yourself. 


I'll point out several of the errors so you know. 


"he runs out of imperial credits" - Imperial should be capitalized. I saw you did capitalize later on though. 


"clone wars" - Should be "Clone Wars." Important, unique events are capitalized. World War II, the Afghanistan War, the Holocaust, the Armenian Genocide, the American Revolution, etc. Remember this. 


"the empire, rebels and bounty hunters alike." - Should be "The Empire." Unique institutions are capitalized. Easy rule of thumb: if it's a name with "the" in front of it, it's probably capitalized. 


"Imperial academy" - Should be "Imperial Academy." The full name of the institution is capitalized, not just part. For example, the proper form is "Stanford University" not "Stanford university." (Also fuck Stanford. Go bears!) 


Brief grammar lesson done, this will be the last warning about capitalization. You've got good ideas, but it seems like you may not have played enough (or learned enough) to write at my standards. Don't worry, I wouldn't have matched my current standards a few years ago either. If you think you can really pull it together, JUMP to more consistently proper grammar, and keep it up continuously, I'm open to having you. If not, you may want to consider learning and improving in other roleplays and coming back later. Remember that if you try to stick around and can't keep up, I will have to give you warnings or even kick you. It's up to you, though for what it's worth I see potential. 


Note to everyone! I'm going to be MUCH less lenient with IC posts than I am with character sheets. The application screens out people who aren't yet experienced enough to consistently write at my expected level. 
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Ah whoops, I didn't realize. Defiantly will edit and educate myself. Also, if I said I liked Stanford more than The Bears, would I be kicked? Just...Just a question.
 
@Proxploxtops No, but I would be very, very cross...especially since it's the CALIFORNIA GOLDEN BEARS. And Stanford's mascot is a TREE. A FREAKING TREE. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF MASCOT IS THAT?


Just kidding, I have tons of friends at Stanford. It's a great place hehe. 
 
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@Lexielai All right, hopefully I have improved the CS to your liking. If not, merely say the word, and I shall get back to work
 
@Daimao Perfect. Great job, I can really see Krod coming to life.


"Shut up and sit still while I put on this bandaid or I'll cut your fingers off, human."
 
Kind of good, kind of bad, and definitely ugly, Krod Jhcikkisss is a Trandoshan doctor turned bounty hunter. Bacta and blasters are his bread and butter, and he wields both with surgical efficiency. Sometimes. While his bedside manner may leave something to be desired, you can be sure he knows how to stitch you back up after a fight. Hailing from the planet of Trandosha, Krod's life took a turn for the better when he realized his dream wasn't to be a killer, it was to be a healer. He brought scaly, three fingered medical care to the backwater planets of the galaxy for years. Then, his life took a turn for the worse when someone blew up his shit and his apprentice. Now a literal cold-blooded killer, he's on a quest for vengeance, and he's not letting the Hippocratic Oath get in his way, because sometimes a blaster shot is the best medicine. Trust him, he's a doctor.


@Lexielai is that good?
 
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@Lexielai I can make it longer. Its just a bit difficult to see how large or small a post is going to be when using a phone. It looked longer when I was typing it :/
 
I'm hesitant however I think the capitalization errors have been fixed for the most part as well as a few grammatical and spelling errors I caught along the way. I'll definitely be more careful IC.


@Lexielai
 
I'm liking the look of this cast so far. A comedic relief captain, a killer protocol droid/gourmet chef, the scariest doctor alive, and a really confused mechanic. 
 
There's definitely some solid character builds out there.  I'm looking forward to having a little more time to read them, now that my own first draft submission's up.  


@Lexielai While I like the idea of Nyis in her present form a great deal, I'll understand if you'd rather I went another way.  Let me know what you think as you have the occasion.  Good luck in the meantime with the Talos writeup!
 
Oh, and if she's approved as is, here's my writeup block:


Nyis Veli-An-Dach is a consummately professional ex-corporate.  A decade of experience in project management honed in the Bothan business environment have honed her into a ruthless business woman and expert negotiator.  Despite a lifetime of service on the Empire-occupied world of Kothlis, her career was destroyed when her family became involved with the incipient Rebellion.  Now the only surviving member of her commune, Nyis is on the run with stolen proprietary technical schematics and a heart full of fear and revenge.  What she lacks in practical frontier skill, she makes up for in cunning, people skills and steely determination.  
 
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