Futuristic [OOC] Aegis: Error 508

[Syrenrei]

Allcure

Just some feedback from someone who has absolutely no control over character review/acceptance whatsoever:

• Generally, the only thing this RP likes less than having OOC political discussions is bringing religion into the mix. I understand where your inspiration comes from (I am very familiar with Lovecraft), but the concept as is requires the lore to confront the concept of whether or not old gods exist. If there are old gods, are there gods like the Olympians? What about Christian mythos? I think it would probably better suit the RP if she were someone who had the ability to make a specific nightmare manifest. Perhaps she truly believes it is a separate entity, when it is really a projection of herself, one that has been given life by her superpowers and her psyche. That wouldn't break the lore (because we are not required to accept the other entity actually exists) and could keep the rest of her abilities intact.
• I agree with Gus that this reads like an S-rank superpower. It's not whether or not she uses it often, it's about how potent she is when she does use it. The Commonwealth, its my understanding, assesses supers on their potential when the super's powers are at their height. In her eldritch form, the capabilities make it an S-rank. It used to be a rule a first character couldn't be an S-rank and while that isn't the case now, I do have some suggestions on the power usage:
  • I know you envision her not wanting to use her powers. Makes sense! But this is a super RP and we'll need a narrative reason she'll be doing things with other supers. Sure, they aren't always using their powers, but it would be difficult to see why she would be brought along through major plot events if she doesn't use her powers by her own choice. If she completely loses control, and could only uses them once a month, that would make them even more wary! Perhaps they could be tempered so they are more palatable for her to use in a limited capacity?
  • The eldritch form itself is extremely powerful. It has superhuman strength and endurance, as well as mental/psychological effects (fear and memory manipulation). This means when it's toe-to-toe even with many supers, it would be extremely tough for them to match, unless they have fire ready (which is a GREAT limitation), and it uh... eats its enemies? I'd create some limitations to the form itself. Is it slow moving? Does it have bad eyesight/hearing? Are the mental effects only on ordinary people perhaps, and supers don't suffer from these same effects?
• On a much smaller note, I see she is a world class martial artist for several disciplines. I can see her being an expert, and again, I like the idea, but maybe not world class for multiple types of martial arts? My son is a black belt at a dojang and his teachers, and the owners of the dojang, and I'm not sure after 20 years and multiple degrees of black belt that either is 'world class.' The phrasing suggests she is one of the best in the world at two, which I feel would be hard to do at her age.

 

[Syrenrei]

Just a note for everyone:

• S-rank superhumans are going to be under extreme scrutiny from welian as they have been in the best. They have the ability to totally derail stories with their powers, and make chump change of plot, so keep that in mind!
• Imagine lore-wise that it is our current world, just with superpowers. If unicorns don't exist here, they don't in AEGIS-world, and never have (probably). If they did, you'll need to write all the lore for it and convince welian to add it to the setting as a retcon.
• Limitations are your friend. Add them. Add as many as you want. The more limitations you want, and the more they actually limit, the better your chances for a particularly powerful character. Think Batman over Superman, who has a lot more weaknesses.
• Character faults are fun. Not just mental instability, mind you, but look at JJ and his limp! What about a character with an addiction or compulsion? Missing an eye? Can't swim? Don't make your character as effective as a Magicarp, just don't be afraid of having them be the sort that needs help or can't do it all. That's the fun part. =)

 

[Nifty]

Just a note for everyone:

• S-rank superhumans are going to be under extreme scrutiny from welian as they have been in the best. They have the ability to totally derail stories with their powers, and make chump change of plot, so keep that in mind!
• Imagine lore-wise that it is our current world, just with superpowers. If unicorns don't exist here, they don't in AEGIS-world, and never have (probably). If they did, you'll need to write all the lore for it and convince welian to add it to the setting as a retcon.
• Limitations are your friend. Add them. Add as many as you want. The more limitations you want, and the more they actually limit, the better your chances for a particularly powerful character. Think Batman over Superman, who has a lot more weaknesses.
• Character faults are fun. Not just mental instability, mind you, but look at JJ and his limp! What about a character with an addiction or compulsion? Missing an eye? Can't swim? Don't make your character as effective as a Magicarp, just don't be afraid of having them be the sort that needs help or can't do it all. That's the fun part. =)

Hmmmm, I've actually given what you said some thought and I'm considering adding some more limitations to my character. And perhaps even some ptsd, however I'm quite unsure of how much is you know, too much. Since my character is driven by simply making the world a better place I thought gullibleness might fit her a little bit better.
But I completely agree with that magicarp part XD God I frickin love pokemon, but yes, 100 percent agree on that one.
Okay, I just need some sleep and then I'll add another limitation to my character. I'll call it skin disease or something, as she's frequently being exposed to the sun, I figured the risk will perhaps balance the character even more.

 

[Coin]

What brings them to the island raid? Are they working on behalf of Commonwealth? Do they work/live on Matron's island? Did they get shipwrecked on the wrong spot? What's your characters zodiac sign? And how much stock do they put into astrology? When your character was last sick with a cold or flu, what did they do to make themselves feel better? What was your character's favorite subject in grade school, and what color did they make their History folder? Do you have a voice claim for your character? A celebrity or character whose voice who think of when you write your character's dialogue?

1. "Hmh? Oh blin, is this a test? I received orders, and I follow them. My orders are to provide reconnaissance for other agents and intervene as necessary for this operation."

2. "Zodiac sign? Ah, year of the Horse. Oh, not that zodiac sign? I'm not sure, sorry."

3. "It's embarrassing to say, but I caught a stubborn cold a few sorties ago. I spent so long in the frigid mountain air that my fingers and toes started getting that prickly feeling in them. Thankfully, a pot of mama's borscht recipe fixed me right up! Let me know, and I'll make it sometime."

4. "My favorite subject at school was music class! I played the piano for my class's orchestra. As for my history folder? I believe I color coordinated my folders to the color I most associated the subject with. Blue for maths, green for science, red for history."

5.

 

[Zahzi]

Hmmmm, I've actually given what you said some thought and I'm considering adding some more limitations to my character. And perhaps even some ptsd, however I'm quite unsure of how much is you know, too much. Since my character is driven by simply making the world a better place I thought gullibleness might fit her a little bit better.
But I completely agree with that magicarp part XD God I frickin love pokemon, but yes, 100 percent agree on that one.
Okay, I just need some sleep and then I'll add another limitation to my character. I'll call it skin disease or something, as she's frequently being exposed to the sun, I figured the risk will perhaps balance the character even more.

You may also wish to dial down the use of nuclear energy, to be honest. Unless you want the wonderful world of Fallout and everyone to die of radiation poisoning within minutes.

Not to mention her just carrying around that level of radiation, it would be absolutely hazardous to her own being. As Syrenrei has said, limitations are your friend, but generally, when building someone meant to be a hero, you want people to stick around to observe their shiny new hero, not be scorched and permanently shading an adjacent wall. As hilariously horrifying as it sounds.

 

[Necessity4Fun]

> Can't swim?

I'm sure Kendrick is still terrified of the water depths of Doom.

Also this makes me miss the failures part of the skills, made things like this so much easier to see!

 

[Nifty]

You may also wish to dial down the use of nuclear energy, to be honest. Unless you want the wonderful world of Fallout and everyone to die of radiation poisoning within minutes.

Not to mention her just carrying around that level of radiation, it would be absolutely hazardous to her own being. As Syrenrei has said, limitations are your friend, but generally, when building someone meant to be a hero, you want people to stick around to observe their shiny new hero, not be scorched and permanently shading an adjacent wall. As hilariously horrifying as it sounds.

Oooo, that is very much noted. And to clarify with her nuclear powers as well, i actually thought i have downed it a bit. I considered having her being super precise with it and just having beams shot through her finger tips and that would require some control from the character. But I was saving that as the rp progresses. I figured I should mention that since it kinda releases small amounts of nuclear energy. But I am no expert about the topic at all and I'm not quite sure how scientific we can go with these powers. I failed most of my science tests if you couldn't tell so please bear with me.

I was also considering about radiation as well, but I didn't know crap about it so I didn't add anything. Maybe I'll finally do some research about it once and for all. I'm very much open for ideas though on how to make it less hazardous for her. Cause I really thought a slap of sunscreen will protect her enough XD

 

[Zahzi]

Oooo, that is very much noted. And to clarify with her nuclear powers as well, i actually thought i have downed it a bit. I considered having her being super precise with it and just having beams shot through her finger tips and that would require some control from the character. But I was saving that as the rp progresses. I figured I should mention that since it kinda releases small amounts of nuclear energy. But I am no expert about the topic at all and I'm not quite sure how scientific we can go with these powers. I failed most of my science tests if you couldn't tell so please bear with me.

I was also considering about radiation as well, but I didn't know crap about it so I didn't add anything. Maybe I'll finally do some research about it once and for all. I'm very much open for ideas though on how to make it less hazardous for her. Cause I really thought a slap of sunscreen will protect her enough XD

 

[Necessity4Fun]

From experience, if you feel like you need research, look it up. Trust me, it's going to come back to bite you in the ass eventually

 

[Syrenrei]

I'd move away from nuclear energy (the nuclear 'superhero' we had, Penny, was too radioactive to be around anyone except Imogen without dying) and maybe think about having her create lasers? They would be more what you are looking for, I think, without jeopardizing your hero or innocent bystanders' health!

 

[Necessity4Fun]

Kendrick got a new picture, gotta look up a font for Julio later~

 

[Nifty]

I'd move away from nuclear energy (the nuclear 'superhero' we had, Penny, was too radioactive to be around anyone except Imogen without dying) and maybe think about having her create lasers? They would be more what you are looking for, I think, without jeopardizing your hero or innocent bystanders' health!

Oh definitely, I'm actually considering that idea. Thank you so much for that!

From experience, if you feel like you need research, look it up. Trust me, it's going to come back to bite you in the ass eventually

And with this, I shall do my research. Lasers for dummies here we go!

 

[Naril]

If you’d like to chat about lasers, or radiation, here in our real world, those are both things I’ve had extensive experience with, and quite a lot of other things besides. I expect you don’t need a dissertation, but I was always Science Girl in school, and both my career and things I choose to do for fun have had a strangely high interaction with what would, from the outside, appear to be genuine mad science.

I promise that we’re actually good guys. Probably, anyway.

 

[Nifty]

If you’d like to chat about lasers, or radiation, here in our real world, those are both things I’ve had extensive experience with, and quite a lot of other things besides. I expect you don’t need a dissertation, but I was always Science Girl in school, and both my career and things I choose to do for fun have had a strangely high interaction with what would, from the outside, appear to be genuine mad science.

I promise that we’re actually good guys. Probably, anyway.

Pfftt XD Probably?!??!!
But jokes aside, I would love to know more about the science behind lasers. And I deeply commend you for doing science for fun. For me, personally, I break down when I started seeing algebra equations in science class. I'm just glad this power of mine isn't chemistry based... I think. *sweats*

 

[Naril]

The actual physical mechanism is fascinating, but from the perspective of a storyteller, I have never wondered if there was an actual lasing cavity inside Cyclops’ eyes, nor have I ever particularly cared about the precise tensile strength of the adamantium on Wolverine’s bones. If your character shoots beams of energy, I’m a lot less concerned about the how rather than the when and why.

In other words, I’m happy to talk about something I find fascinating that really exists in our real world, but I would argue that you don’t necessarily need to write the PLOS One paper about how she’s got mirrors in her fingers.

 

[welian]

Posting is now open for approved characters! You have your choice of two threads to participate in: Episode 1A is a raid on the island compound of a deceased mad scientist, or Episode 2A, which is cleaning up the office for a visit from the mysterious new boss! I'll continue approving characters, but I'm happy to finally get this RP open for business!

 

[welian]

BTW, sorry for ignoring the recent batch of character apps - I was using all my focus for getting the RP started, before my squirrel brain ran off again. Since there's TWO in-character threads, my intent during the weekend to to permit people who have posted at least once to submit a second character.

 

[Kkushmar]

since I am off on vacation in 3 days, im okay with mine not being accepted yet, but please let me know what other edits you'd like to see so I can work on it while im still here.

 

[Naril]

I’m leaving for about 10 days on Friday - I hope to have time to respond to messages, but I will get progressively less available for things that need to be changed! Or if the character’s just in the “no, actually” bucket, that’s fine, I’ll think of something else while I’m out.

 

[welian]

Syrenrei Imogen is approved.
Necessity4Fun Kendrick is approved.
Teh Frixz Riley is approved.

 

[Nifty]

The actual physical mechanism is fascinating, but from the perspective of a storyteller, I have never wondered if there was an actual lasing cavity inside Cyclops’ eyes, nor have I ever particularly cared about the precise tensile strength of the adamantium on Wolverine’s bones. If your character shoots beams of energy, I’m a lot less concerned about the how rather than the when and why.

In other words, I’m happy to talk about something I find fascinating that really exists in our real world, but I would argue that you don’t necessarily need to write the PLOS One paper about how she’s got mirrors in her fingers.

Ooo, all right! That's a relief, then, I will just change my wording then and hopefully, it'll be alright.

Spoiler: Superpower

Super Power: Solar Manipulation
Users can absorb the solar power of the sun and release it in the form of lasers. The laser beams the user produce are of pure destruction and would cause damage to their intended target. Roxie still believes she has some room to improve her powers, so she keeps on training.

• Solar Absorption: As for the way they absorb solar power, they absorb it naturally and when they have taken enough. And when the user does use their powers, a bright halo appears on the top of their head, and when it's not in use, the halo will eventually disappear. So, during the day, you’d see a halo on top of her head and in the dusk, when the sun is sleeping, you’d see the halo around her slowly disappear along with the sun.
• Energy Creation: The user can release the solar energy they’ve absorbed through harmful lasers. She radiates this destructive energy through beams or sphere projectiles (think Starfire’s green beam and missiles from Teen Titans). She can also convert the solar energy she has absorbed to actual energy, which she could use as a charger.

Limitations
- Night and Weather Complications: Completely unusable during the night or weather due to the limited solar sources.
- Solar Beam Limitations: Since she still hasn't fully mastered her powers, she can only control a beam as small as a basketball; she only uses it as a projectile as she still hasn’t fully grasped control of it. She’s unable to use this consecutively without resting or taking a breather.
- Glass Canon: When she releases an enormous amount of energy all at once, she cannot wake up for one to two days as she will need this time to rest. And during this time, she will be utterly vulnerable to her environment.
- Skin Complications: Since Roxanne always has to be exposed to the sun in order to absorb its energy, she is prone to some skin diseases. She needs a healthy balance of shade and sunlight in order not to contract any of its diseases. Underneath her clothes, you would spot some rashes. She has acquired some medication for it and was given some relief cream.
- Control Is Key: To avoid some unnecessary damage, control is a fairly huge part of this power. It took her years to minimise the size of her projectiles, so it would take a few more years until she could perfect its control.
- Accidents Do Happen: In addition to the previous limitation, Roxanne would be liable if some unnecessary damage were done. If she aimed improperly and hastily, a life of a civilian or a friend might cost her just that.

 

[Nifty]

Here's a finished version of Roxanne, do let me know if I need to change anything. If you see this character as unfit for the RP, it's cool, I had this other character in mind I'd like to try ^v^ I was thinking of a character who can mimic people's voices. I would just have to copy and paste the science behind the Lyrebird and voila! But anyways, here's Roxanne 2.0 for you.
I also went ham with the limitations, and I hope it's satisfactory now!

Spoiler: Roxanne

Angel

Name: Roxanne Darlington​

Gender: Female (She/Her)​

Age: 27​

Power: Solar Manipulation​

Rank: S Rank​

Limiter: Active, Level 4​

Appearance

Race
American. Persian Descent.

Hair
Thick, wavy, ebony hair.

Eyes
Dark silver

Height
5’6

Figure
Relatively tall and slim. Her training also enables her to have a pretty muscular figure

Notes
She has a skin condition called vitiligo. Her chocolate skin has white splotches dotted around her body. The most noticeable one you’ll notice when you first meet her is the white splotch surrounding her right eye.

Personality

Altruistic
Roxanne is incredibly kind and polite. She’s very much soft-spoken, and there’s an air of gentleness around her. She very much loves the idea of helping anyone who is in need. She would sometimes portray this by being friendly with some homeless people she walks by and giving them a rather generous tip. When she goes to restaurants, this would often be the same with waitresses or waiters.

Ambivert
Roxanne handles herself well when she’s surrounded by people. She could be lovely to talk to at most times. However, she also appreciates the silence around her when she’s alone. She could easily switch between extroversion and introversion. If a friend needs a plus one at an event, she would gladly accompany this friend until the event is done.

Docile
Throughout the years, Roxanne grew to be docile and calm. She could sometimes be seen unphased when watching a horror film. She is also very compliant and dutiful whenever her father or someone she trusts asks her to do some tasks for them.

Gullible
She gets easily fooled by some as she heavily trusts the people around her. She’s very much prone to pranks and would simply tilt her head in question if you speak idioms around her. She could easily be persuaded by strangers even.

Biography

History
Youth
She was born during a time of conflict and invasion. Due to political reasons and failed diplomacy, Roxanne grew up in an environment where being alert and careful is the only key to survival. Roxanne was an innocent child who two local teachers raised. Her first memories are of smoke and debris. Every time the threat of a bomb would drop, her whole town would scatter and cover, and it was during one of these circumstances Roxanne awakened her powers. It all became too much for little Roxanne to handle.
One awakened sun was all it took to wipe out her whole village.
Captive
A deep crater was created that day. And on the centre was Roxanne, clenching her knees tight with confusion and fear. The next thing the little girl knew, a rough tug was given at the back of her shirt, followed by a language she was vaguely familiar with. As she gets farther and farther away from the destruction she has caused, fear and anxiety fill the poor girl. All she wanted was her mothers’ warm hugs and soothing lullabies.
The comfort she wanted was not given to her as her captors soon put her powers to use. She would be tazed and beaten if she didn’t follow orders. She would only be fed at night as her captors soon discovered that she was utterly incapable of using her powers then. She was then used as a weapon of mighty destruction, she would be forced to use her powers to her captor’s advantage.
Rescued
After a few years of being exhausted from her powers, she was finally released and rescued. A group of soldiers was successful in retrieving some ground. It gave her hope and relief. She was then passed to the Royal Parahuman Guard to properly assess her power. During her time with the association, she met a kind doctor who spoke with nothing but a sweet and lovely tone. The two grew close, and soon, Doctor Matthew Darlington adopted Roxanne and allowed her to be an average child once again.
Darlington was originally from America, and so after Roxanne’s assessment and the necessary documents were done, the doctor plans on taking the little girl back to his home country and raising her on his own.
Ever since Roxanne was freed, her earliest memory includes her limiter. Roxanne was a bit foreign to the idea. However, she soon got used to it and was more than happy to be freed from the constant fear of massacring every soul around her. It definitely made Roxanne more relaxed and less anxious. It even made her keener on controlling the power she holds.
Current
With her father’s wealth and upbringing, she grew up in a well-provided home. She’s now residing in her own home, she had to beg her father not to help her save money for this project of hers. Besides the location tracking she already wears, she saved her own money to earn a lonely farm where she could be isolated from other humans, her father only lives a few roads from her. She believes that her father has already spoilt her enough with extravagant gifts. Growing up, she aspired to be just like her adopted father, she was taught how to be kind and strong when it is proper.
When she was ready to be properly trained with her powers, she took advantage of that opportunity as she wanted to be of help within her community as well as perhaps maybe even the world. After finishing the proper and necessary training procedures, she soon received her ‘Blue Card.’
Today, she is a brand new Commonwealth agent with a promise to herself. A promise she can’t afford to break. A promise to never blow up… Literally.


Relationships

• Matthew Darlington: A father, a friend. He recently retired from his life as a doctor and has now taken interest in painting.

Superpowers

Solar Manipulation
Users can absorb the solar power of the sun and release it in the form of lasers. The laser beams the user produce are of pure destruction and would cause damage to their intended target. Roxie still believes she has some room to improve her powers, so she keeps on training.

Solar Absorption: As for the way they absorb solar power, they absorb it naturally and when they have taken enough. And when the user does use their powers, a bright halo appears on the top of their head, and when it's not in use, the halo will eventually disappear. So, during the day, you’d see a halo on top of her head and in the dusk, when the sun is sleeping, you’d see the halo around her slowly disappear along with the sun.

Solar Energy Creation: The user can release the solar energy they’ve absorbed through harmful lasers. She radiates this destructive energy through beams or sphere projectiles (think Starfire’s green beam and missiles from Teen Titans). She can also convert the solar energy she has absorbed to actual energy, which she could use herself as a charger.

Limitations
Night and Weather Complications: Completely unusable during the night or weather due to limited solar sources.

Solar Beam Limitations: Since she still hasn't fully mastered her powers, she can only control a beam as small as a basketball; she only uses it as a projectile as she still hasn’t fully grasped control of it. She’s unable to use this consecutively without resting or taking a breather.

Glass Canon: When she releases an enormous amount of energy all at once, she cannot wake up for one to two days as she will need this time to rest. And during this time, she will be utterly vulnerable to her environment.

Skin Complications: Since Roxanne always has to be exposed to the sun in order to absorb its energy, she is prone to some skin diseases. She needs a healthy balance of shade and sunlight in order not to contract any of its diseases. Underneath her clothes, you would spot some rashes. She has acquired some medication for it and was given some relief cream.

Control Is Key: To avoid some unnecessary damage, control is a fairly huge part of this power. It took her years to minimise the size of her projectiles, so it would take a few more years until she could perfect its control.

Accidents Do Happen: In addition to the previous limitation, Roxanne would be liable if some unnecessary damage were done. If she aimed improperly and hastily, a life of a civilian or a friend might cost her just that.

Other Abilities

Skills
First-Aid Training: With her father’s personal training, she herself is at least capable of administrating proper first-aid help. She’s rather knowledgable
Hand To Hand Combat: During her training to be an agent, she practised extensively to achieve some sort of mastery with some known
Personal Charger: Even though she may be unable to discharge any destructive projectiles at night, she can still release the energy she absorbed from the sun in some minor ways. When she sometimes becomes too lazy to charge her phone, she simply just grabs a charger cord and nibbles at the end of the cord, and it charges her phone. And with enough energy absorbed during the day, she may also be able to charge the battery of a car (She is very prone to get exhausted after charging a car’s battery).


Loadout
A phone, a phone charger, a first-aid kit, her skin cream, a sunblock, a dagger and some beef jerky. She carries all of these items in a satchel with an asexual pin on it’s straps.

Augmentations
None

P.S. she’s a terrible cook.

 

[Ozmic]

For anyone writing in the Episode 1A thread, Desmond isn't with the rest of the group for plotting reasons. Just wanted to make folks aware before posts went out. And I assure you, the rambling mess of my first post and the few to come aren't me trying to railroad or push plot in another direction, or indicative of Desmond in the right state of mind! Just a bit of a subplot until the merge happens.

 

[Damafaud]

indicative of Desmond in the right state of mind

Hol up

 

[welian]

Y'all got any of that angst?