Advice/Help One-sided RP ruining fandom?

[LemonLimey]

Hi there. Just wondering if anyone here can relate/offer advice please?

Recently I got quite heavily into a fandom, and started an RP with a friend of mine who is also very into it. Initially all was good, we both created a few OCs, started developing plotlines, but it quickly turned into being entirely centric to her OC, and having them be shipped/besties/generally admired/desired (platonically or romantically) by all the CCs that I'd be playing. This OC also has unusual skills/ magical powers that somehow solve every situation they're in, to the amazement of CCs, so creating interesting/dramatic moments falls flat, because they just.... solve it.

It's funny, I'm not even that bothered that my OCs fell by the wayside, more that I feel I've been duped into co-writing a self-insert fic. Even more hilariously, I do write reader insert fics for fun, and have no issue doing that.

What makes it worse though, is I'm not sure how much of this is relatable by other RPers, or if this entirely a Me Problem. My mental health has been shot to hell recently through life problems, and if I'm honest, this fandom has become a bit of an oasis for me.

I don't want to sound possessive over CCs or the fandom, because I realise that's stupid and entirely unreasonable. I've even wondered if I'm actually envious of their OC, and... maybe? Which I also realise makes me sound like a bit of a nutbar. But this RP experience nonetheless has tainted the joy I found in this fandom/characters, and I'm finding it difficult not to feel resentful of that.

Plus, y'know, I'm a grown ass adult and feel I should be handling this WAY better than I am. I mean, it's only an RP after all. It shouldn't be this stressful or meaningful. It doesn't really matter. And yet... somehow, it has mattered.

Thank you!

 

[postaletter]

I completely understand. I had a habit of doing that when I was younger, for escapism, and because who wouldn't want to be adored by someone like Dave Strider or Percy Jackson? It matters to you because you rp to have fun, not to please other people, and I think you should let her know! Best of luck.

 

[LemonLimey]

I completely understand. I had a habit of doing that when I was younger, for escapism, and because who wouldn't want to be adored by someone like Dave Strider or Percy Jackson? It matters to you because you rp to have fun, not to please other people, and I think you should let her know! Best of luck.

Thanks, that's sweet. And truth be told, I did use to do similar too when I was younger. I think that's why I gravitate to writing (or admittedly, reading) reader insert fics, because then, while it is absolutely is wish fulfilment, I'm also not inflicting it on someone else?

Plus, I genuinely enjoy seeing what scenarios other writers come up with, and writing them myself, hoping other people enjoy reading them.

But, yes, thank you. I think having an honest chat with her would be the best way to go.

 

[nerdy tangents]

I think you should talk to your partner. Tell them your not having fun anymore and want to try something new.

It doesn’t have to be a direct criticism of the way they write or anything.

Ex. “I’m so sorry my mental health has been shot lately and I’m just not vibing with the roleplay. I love your enthusiasm I just don’t think I can match it right now. I wish you luck and maybe we can try again at a later date.”

Then honestly try writing your own self insert fanfic. It might get the bad taste out of your mouth to let your own character be the center of attention.

 

[Idea]

It's hard to say what precisely is happening without the actual full context, but taking what you said at a face-value this reminds me a kind of situation I've encountered quite a bit, partners just immediately having their characters resolve whatever conflict whether by ignoring it or just kind of stumbling upon the solution, or their characters pulling through on challenges - even ones specifically designed to be borderline impossible for them to do so. Most of the time the reason I was given for this was that they just weren't sure what to do, or some other variant on "I felt lost" or "I couldn't think of anything".

There are many possible causes for these cases, from loss of motivation to inexperience, and depending on the exact cause there's not much that can be done but accumulate experience and try to learn about and gain greater understanding of writing. In many cases though the flaw is the way characters are made (unclear ideas about a character or just poor character design in general can create problems where choice and initiative are involved), or conflicting visions and approaches to the plot construction.

Aside from communication which was already mentioned, I think simplicity and clarity are worth emphasizing to deal with problems of this nature, at least where there is good will. Here are some recommendations that might be helpful for this:

• Make sure every character has clear motivations and a personality that is relatively easy to summarize in a couple sentences at most. (note: Summarize does not mean everything about their personality is encompassed in said summary, but the core should be able to be described in a simple way)
• Try to keep the scenarios simple and preferably familiar. Common trope scenarios are not only easier to navigate due to being more familiar, but they can be helpful to showcase the character's approach of choice (or unique approach) to deal with the scenario.
• Some kind of rule that takes the results of an action out of the hands of the one making it might be a useful idea. Dice rolls for example, or just having it so if someone tries something the other's post decides if it works.

Hope this helps. Best of luck and happy RPing!

 

[LemonLimey]

I think you should talk to your partner. Tell them your not having fun anymore and want to try something new.

It doesn’t have to be a direct criticism of the way they write or anything.

Ex. “I’m so sorry my mental health has been shot lately and I’m just not vibing with the roleplay. I love your enthusiasm I just don’t think I can match it right now. I wish you luck and maybe we can try again at a later date.”

Then honestly try writing your own self insert fanfic. It might get the bad taste out of your mouth to let your own character be the center of attention.

Thanks for commenting, that's very kind of you. I'm going to try and have a word with her today, and thanks for the advice on that score. The last thing I want is to upset her, or make her think I don't enjoy her writing- because I do. Just on this occasion, it's not working.

I actually do have a couple of reader insert fics I've been working on, which may, as you say, help get the bad taste out. (There's no real logic as to why I'm fine writing anon reader inserts, and this RP is such a problem, but there we are I guess!)

 

[LemonLimey]

It's hard to say what precisely is happening without the actual full context, but taking what you said at a face-value this reminds me a kind of situation I've encountered quite a bit, partners just immediately having their characters resolve whatever conflict whether by ignoring it or just kind of stumbling upon the solution, or their characters pulling through on challenges - even ones specifically designed to be borderline impossible for them to do so. Most of the time the reason I was given for this was that they just weren't sure what to do, or some other variant on "I felt lost" or "I couldn't think of anything".

There are many possible causes for these cases, from loss of motivation to inexperience, and depending on the exact cause there's not much that can be done but accumulate experience and try to learn about and gain greater understanding of writing. In many cases though the flaw is the way characters are made (unclear ideas about a character or just poor character design in general can create problems where choice and initiative are involved), or conflicting visions and approaches to the plot construction.

Aside from communication which was already mentioned, I think simplicity and clarity are worth emphasizing to deal with problems of this nature, at least where there is good will. Here are some recommendations that might be helpful for this:

• Make sure every character has clear motivations and a personality that is relatively easy to summarize in a couple sentences at most. (note: Summarize does not mean everything about their personality is encompassed in said summary, but the core should be able to be described in a simple way)
• Try to keep the scenarios simple and preferably familiar. Common trope scenarios are not only easier to navigate due to being more familiar, but they can be helpful to showcase the character's approach of choice (or unique approach) to deal with the scenario.
• Some kind of rule that takes the results of an action out of the hands of the one making it might be a useful idea. Dice rolls for example, or just having it so if someone tries something the other's post decides if it works.

Hope this helps. Best of luck and happy RPing!

This is all amazing advice, thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it!

 

[nerdy tangents]

I actually do have a couple of reader insert fics I've been working on, which may, as you say, help get the bad taste out. (There's no real logic as to why I'm fine writing anon reader inserts, and this RP is such a problem, but there we are I guess!)

I would say the difference is in this Roleplay you are giving validation but you aren’t in a position to get validation in return.

When you read or write your own story you are inserting yourself into the narrative so you get to have validation through the characters achievements.

But in the roleplay you can’t insert yourself into your partners character because you are the one giving said character validation. So the point of view is different.

 

[AURS]

I've seen this a lot and, if I can leave my two cents; what your partner is doing isn't okay. Please speak with them, and set some boundaries that actually include your wants and needs from a roleplay too. You shouldn't be investing so much time into a person or hobby without getting any satisfaction to keep it going.

Collect your thoughts and speak to them. They'll adjust if they respect your time, energy, creativity, etc. If not, move on, it's best for you and I'm sure there are plenty of partners who would treat you well.

Good luck!

 

[LemonLimey]

I would say the difference is in this Roleplay you are giving validation but you aren’t in a position to get validation in return.

When you read or write your own story you are inserting yourself into the narrative so you get to have validation through the characters achievements.

But in the roleplay you can’t insert yourself into your partners character because you are the one giving said character validation. So the point of view is different.

That makes total sense, thank you. I wish I could just be OK with it, to make my friend happy...but it just stopped being fun, and felt like a chore, which is such a shame.

 

[LemonLimey]

I've seen this a lot and, if I can leave my two cents; what your partner is doing isn't okay. Please speak with them, and set some boundaries that actually include your wants and needs from a roleplay too. You shouldn't be investing so much time into a person or hobby without getting any satisfaction to keep it going.

Collect your thoughts and speak to them. They'll adjust if they respect your time, energy, creativity, etc. If not, move on, it's best for you and I'm sure there are plenty of partners who would treat you well.

Good luck!

Thanks for your kind advice! It's interesting, I've spoken to them since posting this, and although they seem fine with it, they've also heavily withdrawn from chatting to me in general as much about the fandom. That said, they did say they realised they were getting too deep into their own OC, so that's something. I just feel like I've been weird about it too. Playing the canon characters, that we both love, and having to write them all just adoring the OC has ended up feeling like a chore and frankly, just a bit of a bummer.

I know it shouldn't bother me, because this is just fictional fun, but that's where I think my crappy mental space comes into play. ( I'm hoping that it's good at least I can recognise the crappy mental space rather than sounding entirely like a total fruit loop!)

 

[nerdy tangents]

It should absolutely bother you.

Think of it like this if every conversation you had with your friend was just you giving them compliment after compliment it would get old very fast. Especially if they never gave you any compliments in return.

Because it starts to feel like the only reason they want you around is to build up their ego and not because they actually like you or want to be your friend.

That’s essentially what your partner did with the roleplay. They were using you to build up their ego by having you constantly compliment their character while not bothering to compliment your character in return.

It was at best very bad roleplay etiquette. It doesn’t matter if your writing a fictional story about fictional people. It matters that you weren’t being respected and your needs weren’t being met.

It makes perfect sense the roleplay became a chore. No one, no matter their mental state, wants to be stuck fluffing someone else’s ego for an extended period of time. It’s exhausting and demoralizing to realize the other person doesn’t care about you having any fun and is just out to make themselves feel better.

Now I will grant that this seems to be unintentional on your friends part. Which is a good sign, it means they probably will try to limit this behavior in the future. They are however probably embarrassed that they behaved this way in the first place so that’s why they’re pulling away.

But intentional or not they took advantage of you and your aloud to feel upset by that. It’s perfectly okay that the experienced bothered you and left you burnt out on the fandom.