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Fantasy Magic Brew Cafè

@DestinyRed Sorry was eating supper... Ah well I celebrated my eldest brother's Birthday today...my other brother (middle child) has his birthday coming up too, this saturday.


(I'm going to die from all the cake T_T) then in december my birthday....gawd... I'm going to die, I'm so going to dieeeee.


Anyway I'm ah...good...


I've been watching some K-drama....yay. Now everything thats happened in the K-drama is hitting me...making me miss my BF much more than I already do, so going from painful missing to unbearable missing T_T
 
@DestinyRed I'm also in one of those moods where I feel insecure, worthless thinking my BF can do much better....thinking our relationship is just a cruel prank. Because it feels impossible for anyone to love me. so yipdeedoo theres that.
 
*stumbles* I have a throbbing headache, my mouth tastes like shit, there's strange food on my kitchen table and I can't remember how I got home. All in all, a very successful night of relieving stress. How's it going? :D
 
@Cryobionic *points to previous reply that was to Red* Red never actually responded anyway thats how I am.


Anyway are you okay? What happened today?
 
@RegalWindstar Oh man, fuck that. Seriously. Do you want me to come to Canada and beat some sense into you with a logic stick? 'Cause I totally will. I may or may not still be drunk right now, and I have to puke. I'll be right back.
 
@Cryobionic Okay, um... you could try slowly sipping some water, that helps when I got a upset stomach to the point of puking alot.


Also I'm not comparing my relationship with K-dramas this time! Well not completely, Yeah I'm finding some similaritys and thinking "Hey something like that happened between me and my BF" or they act in some way and I'm like "Thats so how Goldielocks would act" which...just makes me sad because I'm thinking of him


I can't help but feel insecure aswell... I'm a nail biter, I'm chubby, I have some acne which I try my hardest to control and get rid of, my teeth are slightly crooked (one is REALLY crooked to the point of being noticable) I have arm hair... well they don't normally bother me but when I think of Goldielocks I wonder if its unattractive though I've always loved having arm hair because... well I dunno. The only hair on me I ever hate is leg hair and under arm hair. I do get rid of my leg hair. (I don't have anything to get rid of underarm though and since my skin is sensitive and "paper thin" I can't use blades or anything like that. Nor can I afford anything for it. T_T) I feel like a disgusting monster 90% of the time I look in the mirror.
 
I just want to be prettier, it makes me feel crappy to see so many happy relationships around me or hear about them, it makes me depressed to see so many pretty people online or IRL.


Why can't I be pretty too? why am I cursed to look so awful? Did I do something horrible in a past life?!
 
a..and who likes a girl with a slightly chubby face thats verging on a baby face! Seriously how is a baby face attractive to guys?! @Cryobionic and with how tall my brothers are I could end up as tall as or taller than my BF and guys don't like girls to be as tall or taller than them!
 
I'm so hungover... T_T Remember how I told you that I don't get hungover unless I drink a lot? ... I drank. A. Lot. *cheers weakly* It was a good idea and now I have something called 'samosa' that I don't dare try, 'cause I don't know what it is! :D


As for your problems... I'm still a little intoxicated, so bare with me as I try to wade through your lake of insecurities. Ew. That sounded gross for some reason. Why did that sound gross? I just read it back and it didn't... eh. Anyway, all of these things you are telling me about are things you can fix easily! Well, not the crooked tooth thing, but who doesn't like a crooked tooth? I have a crooked tooth, and I'll have you know I'm super pretty! :D Hahah, that sounded so weird...


Hey, you just posted something else! Slow down, doll, I'm not that quick a writer when dunk! D: There's nothing wrong with being chubby, in fact, some guys like chubby girls! Nail biting.... just stop that. Simple as that. And don't tell me you can't, 'cause I used to be a nail biter, and now my nails are glorious. Seriously look at this shit.


I just realized I don't wanna post a picture of my nails because that would require me actually taking one, and I can't be bothered to get up.


Under arm hair.... pluck it off or sizzle it of with that cream thing girls use. You know the one that smells weird and does.... things.... to you hair to make it fall off? Do that. Or not. *shrugs* You certainly wouldn't be obligated to.


Um... now! Your latest message. (my head is spinning, waaaaa) I used to date a girl with a slightly chubby face that's verging on baby face, and I'll have you know, she was super attractive! Seriously! She broke my heart, but that's a different story, but she was super pretty! And tall. So don't go saying stuff like that, 'cause it's not true. People who look like that are pretty too!


*stumbles slightly* Okay, I think I'm done with this reply!
 
@Cryobionic *Hugs* when it came to the nail biting issue you sounded like my mom.


Also I've tried multiple times, it seems to happen when i'm distracted, sad or nervous. It never happens if I'm focused, angry or happy though so I don't know whats up with that.


Seriously been trying to stop for years and I make progress for a couple days then before I know it something has made me stressed out and my nails are chewed up once more.


Its something I've been struggling and failing to kick. Something that stumps me.


Also I haven't found any hair removal creams for underarms in town and my mother refuses to ever let me do more than my legs afraid it'll hurt me because of my skin. My legs are less sensitive usually than the rest of me. *sighs* this is what sucks about my skin.


Also that cream doesn't sizzle hair off, actually I have some solely for the legs since can't use blades because of my skin.


Well you put it on for 5-7 minutes and it tingles after awhile other than that theres no feeling and then you go and wash it off gently following the way the hair grows in with warm water on a wash cloth and boom it just poof! is off and on the wash cloth which you rinse each time you wipe your legs (or where ever the hair cream was put on) Its painless UNLESS you are allergic then you can get small itchy painful bumps, the newest one I have (I suspect the sun flower oil in it) makes my legs get a couple bumps here and there IF I scratch it it turns into a full blown out painful rash other wise its gone within 24-48 hours if I don't touch it at all and isn't very noticable.


Also about the chubby thing... if some guys like chubby girls then why do I see so many men online going on about super models and skinny girls and but butts and boobs and small waists? I'll never look like that, its impossible! *sighs*


I end up in this mood usually with all these same thoughts atleast once a month. it can last from a couple hours to a day.


I usually go to Kottos (one of my sisters if you remember) about this kind of stuff but most of the time lately shes been M.I.A or busy with stuff.


She usually tells me Goldielocks wouldn't be with me if he didn't love me the way I am. I know... I know thats true but I still doubt it and myself and I don't know why and it just makes me feel worse because I feel like I'm being a horrible person annoying everyone around me and I feel like I'm accusing Goldielocks of having bad taste being this way which makes me feel even worse, being like this I also worry what if he gets tired of my insecurities and hates me? What if he leaves me because of my negative traits in my personality?!
 
I just read your post Re, I honestly grow hair like there's no tomarrow, (Thanks for that gene dad-.-) and I've got buck teeth, they run n my dad's side of my family.And I'm not exactly a victoria's secret model my self, and I used to really really hate how I looked. But, like Cryo, said I changed the parts that I didn't like that I could. If you think you're a little pudgy, that maybe go on a small diet, or go for a walk. Under arm hair can easily be Naired off, (That's the name of the cream Cryo, but it may be called something else in you're guy's countries), and now I LOVE my buck teeth! I think they make me unique, and cute in a kinda goofy way if that makes sense, ( And my S.O. loves my buckteeth too ^.^) I guess what I'm trying to say Re is, everyone has something they don't like about themselves, And if it makes you happy and it's within your control then change them, but don't obsess over them. Think of them, as badges of uniqueness! :D
 
@Cryobionic Also google is your best friend


Samosa: A samosa or samoosa is a fried or baked pastry with a savoury filling, such as spiced potatoes, onions, peas, lentils, macaroni, noodles and/or minced meat. Pine nuts can also be added. The samosa is claimed to have originated in Central Asia.
 
And I used to bite my nails to, I stopped, but...I transferred to biting the skin around my nails sooo... I can't be much help there, but a old trick is put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you get the urge to bite your nail's ^^
 
@Cryobionic @Elfia Nightwing Are you guys trying to make me cry? Why are you guys always so sweet to me? Jeez...


*Hugs you both* seriously started bawling and had to quickly wipe away any trace of tears. Can't let my family catch me crying or they'll question me and might get annoyed at my reason.


Anyway, Thanks you guys...and I'm sorry if I'm ever being annoying...


I do think I'm annoying because I've been called it a lot


I do think I'm worthless because I've been treated like I am a lot


I do think I'm ugly because I've been called it, treated like it, and been shown "pretty" people a lot


I guess I'm just a broken person. I know its not right to think like I do...but I can't change my thoughts.


Which makes me feel out of place.
 
Blah. Your self doubting thoughts make me feel weird. Don't do that! It's not good for you! Stop it now! Seriously! Staaahp! >.<


Um... Let's see... there's a nail-polish which you can put on your nails that tastes like cat piss. Or something to that effect. It's used to treat incessant nail biting, and it supposedly works super well. You could get yourself a bottle of that, if you really wanna stop. ^^"


As for your underarm hair, have you tried other methods of hair removal? Like, um, waxing? It's seriously not as painful as one would think. I should know. I tried it once. x)


And, *giggles* You don't see men go on about super models and girls with big butts, Regal, you see boys! :D Boys do that, 'cause they don't know any better. ^^" In reality, I think more men like chubby girls. Actually, scratch that, I know for a fact that most straight men like girls in general. Just girls. *shrugs*


Let's see, what else... Oh, that shit you're spewing about how your boyfriend will leave you because of the 'negative traits in your personality'? Nah. He won't. You don't have any super negative traits, and if you really, really did, he would have left you over them a long time ago, I think. So, you don't. And he won't. So stop saying that.


Shit, you're crying? Aaaaah! I'm sorry! >.< Oh, you made a list. Let me fix it for you! :D


You're not more annoying than most people. Think about a four year old who doesn't get his way. Are you a four year old who doesn't get his way? No? Then you're nowhere near annoying.


You're not worthless either, 'cause you can't be. You told me that your mother used to walk you to and from school everyday when you went there, and that your family forced you out of the house. That makes you worth something to them, thereby, making you not worthless.


You're probably super pretty. I don't really know, you hair looked kinda cool in that necklace picture. *shrugs* You seem like a pretty person, though!


Now excuse me while I go throw up again. :D
 
Last edited by a moderator:
*SIghs* Everyone's broken in some way, I had really bad depression growing up coupled with horrible self esteem, to the point I wanted to kill myself and my mother almost put me in a mental hospital. And I have autism, so, I wasn't exactly the popular kid growing up. I've been called a freak, the r word, been told I should kill myself, had gum put in my hair, nasty notes put on my back, the list goes on.


Looking back, sure it's painful, and sure some days my depression gets really bad, but it's the scars that make us better people. It's taken me 4 years and I'm still learning to love myself, which is the hardest thing I've ever done. If you ever need to talk about something Re, or just need someone to vent to I'm always here, and if I'm at work i'll respond the second I'm on break and see you sent me a message. ^^
 
@Cryobionic @Elfia Nightwing I really don't deserve you guys *hugs* every single person I've met thats become my friend are too good for me. Thank you so much for being by my side.


Thank you so much for not hating me. Thank you for accepting me.
 
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