willow44
New Member
I pulled my knees to my chest as I sat in the tiny closet looking at the door, hoping it didn't burst open all of a sudden. I could hear my mother crying and my father yelling, with the occasional change when she cried out in pain. I guessed he was either hitting or kicking her. I tensed when I heard her yell out 'no' and 'please' and 'but I love you'. I wondered what was happening but I wasn't courageous enough to find out. It was safe in her. He wouldn't find me in here. I was safe... even if my mother wasn't. I knew I should be helping her but I didn't know what I could do. He was a man, a strong man and I was just a kid. I was only twelve. I knew he didn't like me. My mothers boyfriend. Oh yeah, he wasn't my father. No, the man beating my mother was just another in her long string of loser boyfriends.
My father had left when I was eight, he was a good man, but he didn't want a family... or at least he didn't want to come home to one anyway. He always sent money, a check every month. It averaged on three thousand dollars. Mainly for my schooling but enough to pay for our rent and groceries and a couple of other things. Him and my mum weren't on evil terms... but they weren't exactly friends. He knew she had been seeing other men but he didn't know how bad they were and I was too afraid to speak out either. I heard my mother scream and it shook me from my thoughts, the tone was ear piercing and I wondered what was happening.
But all of a sudden it stopped, like someone had cut off her air with a knife and everything was quiet. Then... his footsteps, I cringed and held myself tighter. But they weren't coming for me, they were going towards the door. I heard it open then shut and then an engine start. It started fading and I figured he had left. After about an hour I got up and walked downstairs, looking for my mother, she hadn't made any noise since he had left. When I walked into the kitchen I saw why. My mother, she was laying lifeless with a big pool of blood around her. He had slit her throat. The tears started again and I fell to the floor. My mother. My beautiful perfect mother was dead. Then... banging on the door..
I snapped my eyes open, hearing my breathing. It was heavy and ragged as I heard the banging become my alarm clock and my body relaxed from that tense state as I took a deep breath in and out, in and out. I blinked a few times as I calmed down completely. That dream... that nightmare. I had had it almost every night for the past six years. She was still dead, she hadn't come back to me, not ever. I missed her dearly. I loved my mother and I wanted her back. But she wasn't coming back. I wish I could have been older so I could have protected her and had her with me still today. I could look after her, she could live with me.
But it wasn't going to happen. And I had to move on with my life... but the thing was, how was I supposed to move on from loving and missing my mother? She, despite her loser boyfriends and the one who had killed her, had loved me unconditionally and provided for me and raised me in the best way she possibly could have. She did what was best for me, always had, always would have. But she was gone and now I was living with my father and his new wife. She was a nice enough lady but she wasn't my mother and she knew better than to try to be. She let my father deal with me but was warm and nice to me, she always cooked my meals when a maid wasn't and made sure someone cleaned my room and did my laundry.
We lived in a mansion, a huge mansion and we had at least six cars, a few motor bikes, two holiday houses, one with horses and quad bikes and the other on the beach. I went there on my own from time to time, just to get away and to regain my mental state so I didn't become a helpless wreck. I had battled with depression and anxiety and I still had mild cases of them now but I was getting better with time. However, lately the nightmares were in creasing and I was leaving for the beach house today. My car was already packed and dad had given me a card for whatever I wanted or needed when I was down there, but I was just going to chill and surf and maybe hang out with some friends.
I hadn't seen them in ages and I wasn't sure if they would remember me but I would make some more or just meet up with the old ones and become friends with them again. I knew that this would probably be the last visit because I was going to be going to college soon and I would have to be attending there quite regularly, though some of the times I could get the courses on line and when I could do that I would come back down here just for a break to make sure I could keep my head at a level point. And I wanted spend break down there two.
But I had to get dressed and go now, it was five in the morning and it was a nine hour drive so I wanted to leave early and make up ground when there weren't too many people going on the roads. Groaning, I got up and went to my drawers pulling out a dark pair of faded jeans and a charcoal shirt that was slightly too tight but I didn't care, it showed off my muscles. I was proud of my muscles, not in the teenage-boy cocky way, but more that I knew I could defend and protect myself and other people. Something I wasn't able to do when my mum died.
After I pulled on the clothes I grabbed my watch and wallet and sunglasses, a pair of Ray Bans, oh yeah, I was a spoiled rich kid, but I appreciated it sometimes, then others I was embarrassed. Walking downstairs I slipped on some converses then walked out to my car and got in. Starting the engine I reversed out and started the long drive to the beach house. Though, to keep me awake I turned up the stereo loud once I was on the highway so no one else had to hear.
Nine hours later I was pulling into the small street that had our house along the water front, I pressed the button that opened the garage and drove in. Parking, I turned off the engine and closed the garage. Getting out I grabbed my clothes and board before walking inside. Dumping the bag on the floor I walked out to the veranda and set my surf board down carefully before heading inside and pulling off my clothes and putting on a pair of boardies and a tank shirt and a hoodie before walking outside and on the the beach.
Our house was litter ally on the beach, the front yard was a small fence with sand that was about ten meters long and then dunes. I walked along the beach and down the water, wondering whether or not to go for a surf. Though once I was down near the water I noticed a group of kids around my age having a fire and I heard laughter. A smile came to my lips as I watched them, none of them seemed to have noticed me yet, but I was walking over to see if I knew any of them, I wasn't really expecting anyone to recognize me but I hoped a few of the old ones were still here. It was our tradition to come down every summer, since we were kids. I'd had to stop coming and I missed that but maybe I'd recognize someone.
Name -
Levi Winters
Age -
Eighteen
Gender -
Male
Picture -
{ X }
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My life was nothing special. My mom and dad split up when I was young and my mom remarried and my dad moved away. Nothing too big there. Actually, it was pretty typical for most kids. And my stepdad was good to me. He'd stepped in as a father and I'd really appreciated having a dad to be there for me in my life and to have someone neutral through the whole divorce. But he had money and he'd been happy to take me down to the beach every summer and it was fun to be able to spend the summer with kids my age and make new friends.
I didn't really know most of these people and besides, most of them were only the siblings of those that we used to have around every year. These visits had become less and less attended by kids our age and it really was too bad. Those of us who had originally started meeting up here and hanging out together had become close and now that the tradition was beginning to be picked up by their younger siblings, our group was now primarily filled with fifteen and sixteen year olds, nothing close to its old glory.
Though of course that was expected. Life went on and actually a few of the kids had had a few scandals. Two summers ago one of the guys knocked up one of the girls and they were now busy raising a baby of their own. Another was too involved in planning for college and so on. So many excuses, but it was understandable. This beach wasn't their entire life. We were the only ones who had the time to come down and hang out.
And at the moment, only four older kids besides me had attended. Two boys and two girls. One of the guys was busy telling a scary story while the other was mingling with the younger girls. One of the girls was playing footsy with a boy and the other, Selena, was putting spare wood on the fire.
I was sitting on a blanket by the fire, strumming my hot pink fingernails on my thigh as I tried to block out the sound of the voice of the guy sitting beside me. He'd moved over when Selena got up and he was currently trying to get my attention with cheesy pickup lines and a ridiculous story of his school year as he tried to brag and seem older to us. I wasn't interested.
And Selena seemed to notice this as she turned around to face us, giving him a naughty smirk, "You're in my spot." She murmured, her eyes bright and he gave her a wicked grin in response, mentioning that she could sit in his lap, but she shook her head and mentioned that she'd give him a back massage and he agreed, unaware of what he truly agreed to. She then got down and straddled his lower back as she sat on him, but before he could respond, she yanked the corner of the blanket down so that it was wrinkled at his collarbone with his head hanging over the side and her hand came down, pinning his face into the sand as he began squirming and trying to fight her off. "Now how about you leave Chelsea alone? You're not going to get lucky tonight and you'd better get the hell out of my spot before I get one of the guys to throw you in the ocean with a bloody steak." She murmured in his ear as we all laughed, and I shook my head as she got up and allowed him to scamper off back to his original seat and she plopped down beside me, straightening out the blanket again and I gave her a high five of thanks and congratulating her on her accomplishment.
Selena was a pretty brunette, just a bit curvier than me in a soft, silent film kind of way and she was a classic beauty, but she wore only a cropped sweater and bikini bottoms, a bit more of a flirty outfit than I'd be wearing around all of these hormonal boys, though she liked the attention. Though it wasn't like I was much better in my cotton candy pink and lime green striped hoodie and short shorts that were practically covered by the hem of the hoodie. Unlike her I had been a late bloomer, though the wait had been worth it. I was much bustier than Selena and I was a couple inches taller with lean muscle from playing volleyball and running track. I had long blonde hair that hung to my mid-back that was bleached even further to an almost platinum by the sun and deep blue-green eyes that popped nicely against my slightly-tanned skin. She and I were close; having met up every summer since we were little and we kept in touch during the year and talking about boys and such. It was a long-distance friendship, but we made it work.
I looked over my shoulder and realized that there was a certain form moving closer and closer to us, just a dark figure in the distance, but as it became more defined, I was able to recognize it as a male. Of course a part of me feared that it could be a potential rapist, pedophile, or even an axe murderer, but I trusted that the boys would stop him before it progressed that far. But I kept watching it, able to distinguish the way it held itself, the way it walked and when some features were visible, I sucked in a sharp breath. "No way! It can't be!" I gasped as I jumped to my feet and scrambled across the beach to the form, my bare feet getting a better grip in the sand than Selena's flip flops as she struggled to follow after me as I sprinted towards him with a bright giggle. "Leevy!" I shrieked happily as I launched myself into his arms, my legs wrapping around his waist with my excited greeting, though his hard torso almost knocked the air out of me. He was like one solid hunk of a muscle. He'd definitely filled out since I last seen him which had been years ago, but we all had.
Selena came up behind him since his front was obviously covered with me and she wrapped her arms around his abdomen from behind, "Where have you been all my life, Leeves? I've been saving myself for you all this time." Selena said and I rolled my eyes as I dropped back down to my feet, "Yeah right." I replied, but she seemed happy to keep holding onto him. "I like what you've done with your butt." She commented and I could imagine my friend was enjoying the view of his muscled body. I shook my head, rolling my eyes as I looked over at the water for a second, unable to keep the grin off of my face. "Shut up." I said, reaching over to grab her arm and she finally allowed me to pull her off of him and she gave him a suggestive wink.
"I'm sorry about Selena. She just got finished with all-girl schooling after last year's exploits, but you'd know that if you were here more often." I said to him with a smirk and she gave me a hard smack on the bottom, "Geez, thanks for ruining the whole air of mystery, dude." She muttered and she pranced away back to our blanket. I took his hand and led him over to the fire, before releasing it, everyone's eyes focused on him and the two older guys had grins on their faces, meant for their old buddy. I sat down beside Selena, patting the spot beside me on the blanket as I leaned back on my palms, "Grab a soda from the cooler and join us. I promise I won't bite." I said with a smirk, but Selena gave him a wicked grin, "No promises on my end, babe." She said, but I would be seated between them. No biting allowed. Besides, she was only playing around.
Name:
Chelsea Hayes
Age:
Eighteen
Gender:
Female
Appearance:
x
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I laughed and grinned as Chelsea recognized me and screeched as she ran towards my and I out stretched my arms to her, of course I remembered her, she was one of the few originals of us who had come here since we were kids. We were the ones who had started the tradition, and I was glad to see her. Of course it had been a few years and she had definitely filled out. Instead of being a stick figure she had curves that suited her body and breasts, she was pretty much a different person. But Of course some things about her were still the same, her eyes still sparkled when she was happy or excited and she had no problem clambering over me. But I didn't mind as my arms wrapped around her waist to support her, it wasn't anything romantic, nor had it ever been, she was just a mate and I had no problem in being close to her, and apparently she didn't either.
"Good to see you too, Chelss," I replied with a big grin, it felt good to be back with people I knew and had known for ages, of course there seemed to be only a few now but that was understandable, we were getting older and had more responsibilities and such and especially me, I hadn't been here in years, maybe four or five. Things had just gotten messy with my parents and so on, and I had a strict private school that I had attended so my grades needed to be up and that meant studying. Long, hard hours of studying. While other boys played with each other and rode bikes and got messy, I poured over my books making sure to imprint every detail on my mind. If I didn't I never passed my exams, because a few minutes of study wasn't enough for me, I never remembered everything so constant study of at least two or three hours every day was what I had to do.
Then there was my music lessons, I was allowed to pick my instrument and I'd chosen guitar as it seemed interesting and easy enough. It hadn't been too hard but it certainly wasn't easy, but as I learned I enjoyed it more and more and began to love it and the music I could create with it. My guitar had been what kept me going, it was where and how I expressed myself and my soul. The music I chose to play on it showed how I was feeling, my opinion on a certain matter and just what music I liked. Sometimes it wasn't even the melody but the lyrics that bought me to that particular artist, band or song. Though, usually once I had heard a song I began to listen to that artist and they went on to add to my small collections of people to listen to and to learn from.
See I never was one of those people who followed the fad of the Top Forty. Sure I'd listen to it sometimes but that wasn't all that too often. I found their music was all the same, just in varying words and melodies. It was manufactured to sell and make people money, not to be deep and meaningful. And that was fine but it just wasn't my kind of music. I preferred actual music, music made by people who weren't there to make money but to give people a story with their music because they enjoyed what they were doing. They bought a light into the darkness, and they gave you something to feel good about or sad about, however you wanted to interpret the song as. They weren't putting blinkers on you, they weren't narrowing your gaze, no, they were leaving your mind open to look and see and understand.
They allowed you to develop your sense of taste, it was like eating food but with your ears. Some tastes you liked and some you didn't, people were different they liked different things and that's why everyone liked certain artist while others chose a different path. My music was based from the likes of Ed Sheeran, he wrote his own songs, he made his own music, he was real; Matt Corby, he made it big with Brother but he was better then that, he was deeper, his music more raw and direction less but with the right amount of energy that made you listen to a certain song time and time again to see what you felt with that song, why you felt that way and what it meant to you. Whether it was a memory, an emotion or something of a hope for the future. Then there was Bob Marley, a total whatever kind of guy, he had a purpose, to make the world better, to get people to see there was a better way.
They were my main three men, but my taste broadened from there as I followed music more deeply and discovered what it had to offer me, what it could teach me, how I could follow it and be dedicated to it like a religion but being able to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground rather then in the sky and upside down like a lunatic. But with that my father had insisted I learned a sport to, so I took up soccer, it was alright, great socially and it was able to test my co ordination. Actually I quite enjoyed it and it bought plenty of girls to pick from who would practically do anything to be called my girl and shown off as that. And I enjoyed myself that way, but I wasn't a sleaze, I never went too far with a girl if I didn't want to commit myself to her and generally I kept myself distant from that sort of stuff. I didn't need it and I certainly didn't want it.
Soccer was great, I loved keeping fit, hanging out with the blokes afterwards and playing to win with friendly competition, but I didn't want commitment to a woman. I just didn't want that. Sure I was happy to date and all that jazz but anything further would have me turn tail and running for the hills. It was just that I was still young, I had plans for college and traveling before I even thought of doing any of that. And besides once the soccer season was over I took myself back to surfing for the rest of the year. Surfing was all about being alone. Meditating. Seeing life from a perspective that you couldn't get unless you were in the water. Becoming honest to yourself about who you were and what you meant. What you wanted to do in your life.
And when you were on a wave, it was about trusting yourself to keep yourself a float. You couldn't do that unless you were calm and happy inside. If you weren't you may as well pack up and go home because you had no chance of staying afloat like that. But it was also just having fun, challenging yourself to do something new and exciting. Like when you took on bigger waves and got comfortable riding them or stuck to the small smoother waves that you could practice tricks and stuff on.
"Yeah whatever, 'Lina," I told the brunette girl who was hugging my fro behind, I knew she was kidding and I wasn't taking offense, actually it was good to have her around and her humor even if it got a bit flirty sometimes. There was no harm in that between old friends, just so long as she knew it was just friends. But Chelsea jumped down to her feet and I let go of her as I chuckled at what Selena said, tensing the cheeks just to stir her up as I smirked, "Thanks, babe," I said, "Maybe I'll let you feel them a bit later," I added when she winked at me, but I was only joking, as she had been.
I shrugged at what Chelsea said "Don't apologize, I was actually enjoying the attention," I told her with a shrug, before I heard Selena's complaint and I grinned, "I still love you!" I called after her before following Chelsea to the blanket and plopping down next to her, I wasn't really thirsty but I'd get a soda later if I felt like it. "Aw, that's too bad," I whined at Chelsea before rolling my eyes at Selena, "One step at a time, Lina," I told her with a smirk before I looked over at the small crowd to see who I did and didn't know. The older blokes I knew but one of them had stayed in contact with me and I grinned when I saw him, "Jake! Man, I thought you weren't coming this year," I exclaimed with surprise.
"What? Trying to ditch me already Winters? Geez, I thought you'd be happy to see me and don't worry there's no competition this year, I mean the girls can drool but I'm a taken an," He replied and I shook my head, yep, same old Jake. But his girlfriend obviously wasn't here tonight and I figured she mustn't have come.
"Dream on, mate, you know Kate's not with you because of your looks, and I'm certain that she doesn't feel worried she could lose you because you won't be taking any interest of the girls here." I teased and he scoffed.
"No way, she just knows I love her too much to be a jerk like that," He retorted getting 'aww's' from the younger girls and I rolled my eyes, "Yeah whatever man,"
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"Still a ladies' man, I see. Well, maybe if we get a few drinks into Chelly-bean here she'll loosen up enough to do a tag team with me on you." Selena commented and I outright punched her arm and she rubbed it, making as if it really hurt with an 'ouch'. "C'mon. We just got him back, how about you don't scare him off right away?" I said to her, shaking my head and she giggled, getting up and brushing off her bottom before she headed over to a cooler. She bent over and of course it caught the attention of the young guys as she dug through the cooler for the sodas she wanted.
Within thirty seconds, a water bottle was chucked at my head and she was darn lucky that I was able to catch it before it hit me in the face. "Wow. Way to start off the night." I muttered and she shrugged with a bright smile as she took a seat beside me, but suddenly became intrigued in the boy to her side, talking to the younger male as she flirted, though she wasn't interested in anything more than a fun little chat to see what reactions she could get out of him.
Levi was busy talking with Jake and I was left awkwardly sitting in the middle as I pulled my knees up and toyed with the wrapper on my water bottle. Boredom wasn't exactly a good thing for me. I often ended up becoming destructive. Not self destructive, but I usually got into trouble doing something to entertain myself. But for now I could sit quiet and behave.
Actually I was lucky that my mom and my stepfather had put up with me for this long. I had gotten into trouble much more than girls my age should. I'd gotten caught for spray painting the walls of my school, engraving things in the bathrooms, mouthing off to teachers, hell, I'd gotten suspended and expelled from past schools. I learned to play two instruments; violin and piano and I hadn't really gotten into books. I wasn't an idiot, but I didn't have the patience to sit around and read. I liked to keep busy and keep moving.
I agreed to things I probably shouldn't have such as risky stunts like cliff diving, sky gliding and other things that only the most severe of adrenaline junkies were into.And a lot of that was thanks to my boyfriends. They were wealthy and sweet and they could pay for such endeavors and of course I could as well, but why not do something entertaining rather than beg for jewelry or clothes? Though to their dismay, I wasn't keen on giving myself away to them.
But they couldn't expect that of me. If they did, it was sick. But I was generally very well behaved and I tried to keep a rational mind at least most of the time. Sure I could get carried away with guys, but I never let it get to that point. And I didn't need it to. That was supposed to be special. Selena often made fun of me for it, but it was truly what I felt. I saved myself a lot of heartbreak over not giving that up to any boy. And therefore I would continue to keep that to myself until I found the right man for me.
"CHELSEA!" I just about peed myself as I jumped at the screech of my name in my ear and I heard giggles going around the fire thanks to Selena's stunt. "You were zonin' out, babe. Wanted to make sure you were still with us." She said and I shrugged, though I uncapped my water bottle and when she turned away, I dumped the ice-cold beverage over her head and down her back.
Selena immediately shrieked, her muscles tensing before she jumped up, screaming profanities as I laughed at her and she ripped it from my hand, giving it a few good shakes as she sprayed me with the water. "Oh. This means war." I said evenly before lunging for her, standing in the movement before I threw myself at her and we tumbled in a ball of giggles into the water. It was warm from the sun from earlier in the day, but it was still cold to us.
I returned to the fire first, clothing drenched and teeth chattering before she did the same. I was hugging myself as I took a seat on the blanket, hesitating for a moment before yanking off my sweater and scooting a bit closer to the flames now that I was able to actually feel the heat of the fire in only a shiny, metallic red bikini top. But I was still shivering and freezing. I'd been on bottom when we hit the water, so I got the worst. Selena's front was wet, but I was soaked through and through. "You suck." I muttered to her before I turned around to dig through my bag, thankfully finding a towel. I wrapped it around my shoulders and covered my chest up to hide the view from the guys before I pressed up against Levi's shoulder. "Alright, you're a guy... do your job and keep m-me warm." I muttered through chattering teeth.
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I chuckled at what Selena said and rubbed Chelsea's back, "Just relax little one, as much as it sounds great, I'll have to refuse the offer," I told them both but leaned to whisper in Chelsea's ear, "I know our precious little virgin wouldn't want to be exposed when she's still waiting," I murmured before straightening, it was almost obvious she was... still naive in that department, of course I wasn't sure but it was most likely. Her body language sent off that innocence that came with being pure, sure she had jumped into my arms, literally, but she knew me, we had grown up together, it was different. But I heard Jake's wolf whistle and snapped my gaze back to him raising my eyebrow as him, "Something up?" I asked suspiciously.
"Nothing, mate, just the fact that while we've all tried to get Chelsea over the years you just waltz in and she's yours, I'm just wondering whats really going on here, have you two gotten together without our knowing?" He asked simply and scoffed rolling my eyes, Chelsea was great but not my type. She was too young and sweet for me, I needed a girl who knew what she was doing and wasn't hesitant, but at the same time I couldn't stand have a girl who challenged me for dominance, even if it was only playfully. I took control. Full stop. Case closed. And Chelsea just didn't fit in that criteria. "Get real Richards," I told him as I heard Selena screeching and they threw water at her before tumbling away into the water.
"She's cute but too cute, child cute, innocent." I told him, "The opposite of my type," I added and he shrugged, "So, it's Selena your after, but getting her best friend to sign off on the deal?" He asked and I sighed, rolling my eyes once again before shaking my head, "No, I'm not looking for a relationship, just because I'm at ease talking to girls and messing about with them without having any underlying motives doesn't mean you need to get jealous," I told him and he opened his mouth to reply as the girls came back, Chelsea soaking wet and I laughed, unable to help it.
"What happened to you? You look like something that drowned and dragged itself out of the sea to haunt little kids," I teased her as she took off her sweater and pulled a towel on, I heard a couple of gasps of awe from the newer guys and glared at them all, clipping one over the head. He winced and rubbed his head where I had hit it before giving Chelsea an apologetic look. Her body wasn't for public display, we all knew that, she was too much of a good girl to be like Selena and expose all of her cleavage to a bunch of hormone filled teenage boys who didn't know how to handle it. Of course, Jake, Preston and I could, but it wasn't as if we were dying to see her body either.
She leaned against me and I knew she was shaking and I chuckled at what she said, stand up so I moved to sit behind her, my legs going around hers as I sat down again, I was blocking the wind for her with my back as my arms went to slide around her waist and I pulled her against my chest. Sure this probably didn't seem like a 'friends only' kind of position, but it was between me and her. I wasn't going to be anything more then her friend and she knew that too. "Better?"
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I heard what Levi said as he laughed at me and I frowned in disapproval. "Shut up." I grumbled to him, but he did what he could to help warm me up as he got into position behind me, placing his legs on either side of me before allowing me to tuck myself in against his chest. My shivers finally died down as I leaned my head against the side of his neck, my arms wrapped around myself as I held the edges of the towel close to my body.
I knew that this wasn't going to be anything special. He wasn't into me like that, or at least I didn't think so. He was hot, but too detached to really be my type. He was a good friend of mine, but nothing more. And unlike the other guys, he hadn't been around long enough to try to get into my pants. And thouh it sucked that I didn't get to see him, I appreciated that he had grown up enough in his time away that he didn't need to try to grope me to be happy at the moment. Any of the other guys here would gladly flaunt their immature ways and try to feel me up, but his hands stayed politely on my waist, fully in the safe zone.
"Mmmhmm.." I murmured to him with a relaxed sigh, one last shudder running through my body before I finally stopped, just enjoying the extra heat and protection from the wind that he gave me. I opened my eyes after a moment to look over at Selena, glaring at her, but she just gave a shrug, "Don't look at me, babe. You're the one who tackled me." She said and I just glared harder, "Well I guess it's not so bad on my end. Your boobs cushioned my fall." "Shut up, Lena. You suck." I growled and she giggled, "I suck what, Chels? You need to elaborate." She taunted me and I blushed in response, "Eggs." I said and she rolled her eyes at me, "Really? Eggs? You couldn't even bring yourself to say di-"
I cut her off with a punch in the arm and we both started laughing at the ridiculous argument that we were having. "Whatever. You and Leeves look cute together." She teased and now it was my turn to roll my eyes, "Yeah, we were thinking of a fall wedding and we're naming our first baby Henry." I shook my head, "Mr. Leevy here may be the only gentleman our age, but he's not my type. Right, Leevy?" I asked him with a smirk as I tilted my head back a bit to look up at him.
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I rolled my eyes at the girls little argument. Just with Chelsea's response it confirmed my statement. 'You suck' was a little kids come back and when she blushed at Selena's need for her to elaborate she couldn't say d**k. Sure it was a male's part but we were all friends we knew each other and we knew not to get carried away or anything. But really it just showed she hadn't come to terms with growing up and learning about... other things. But then Selena took it a step further and I rolled my eyes, "No need to cover up the fact you want me Selena, but don't worry baby, I'm all yours," I told her a smirk plastered on my face, of course Selena was probably like any other girl, she wanted a guy to love her and be in a relationship but the way she was portraying herself, well she wasn't going to get it.
I saw Selena as a friend nothing more, nothing less. But she wasn't the girl a guy would want to settle down with, if he wasn't good enough in any way, she would be up and gone within a flash, which left guys being a bit far away with emotional connection. Sure everyone thought guys were the idiots who broke girls hearts and for the most part that was true, but guys had feelings too, didn't it ever occur to anyone that maybe, just maybe girls had pushed them to be that way? Girls could be very catty and toy with a guys heart when they knew he liked her and it had happened to me. I was a good guy, I would never use a girl and I never would intend to be like that, if I had then the girl effected had every right to hate me.
But the point was I tried not to be like that and even when I was good a girl had been horrible, cheated on me and left the evidence behind for me to find and then later realize she wasn't mine anymore and was off with a bloke I knew. It had crushed me because I had loved her. If there was one thing that a really corny line was right about it was that first love was always the strongest. I'd been depressed for months. My grades had slipped and I wasn't paying attention when I was surfing or playing music. Nothing seemed to matter. My heart had beens shattered then clumsily put back together, so it still hurt when I thought about her.
I heard Chels's come back and gave her waist a light squeeze, I had wanted to run with the joke but she had cut my fun back. But she turned the questioned on me and I grinned, "Wrong, I am your type baby, I'm everyone's type, your just not mine," I told her, of course sounds very arrogant, but that was the air I was going for, anyone who knew me knew it was a joke and I knew that I wasn't being serious so it didn't matter in the slightest, but I heard Preston's laughing and looked up a confused grin on my face. "Dude, you aint her type by a long shot," He told me in between laughing fits and I raised my eye brows before shrugging.
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Selena was extremely judgmental. She held herself above guys, only truly looking for her dream guy; the one that would carry her off into the sunset. But in the mean time, she was having fun. Deep down she wanted that guy, but she knew that she would never find a guy like that, so she figured that she would have to settle for something less, but she still wanted the best of the best and therefore she enjoyed messing around with different guys.
I on the other hand still had that belief that there could be some guy out there that would love me for me and not leave me wondering what I'd done wrong. I didn't want to be broken hearted over a guy for a stupid mistake; for falling for a guy that would use me for my body or cheat on me or abuse me. No, I wanted to find a guy who would truly care. Maybe I seemed immature and naive, but I was just cautious. I wasn't experienced like that because I didn't want to just lose that intimate part of myself to someone who would just throw me away. I didn't like talking about body parts in a vulgar way because I didn't want to send out a bad message about myself. I wasn't comfortable with what Selena put out about herself as she messed around with guys and talked like that. I didn't want to seem like that. I loved my friend, but I wasn't like that.
Levi answered me and I rolled my eyes, jabbing an elbow back to hit him in the stomach playfully. "Really? Really, Levi?" I asked incredulously, "What makes you think you're my type?" And what Preston said only backed that up and I grinned over at him, but a thanks wasn't necessary because I figured it would only bring an even more inappropriate comment from him.
"Yeah, Chelly Bean here only goes for huge biker dudes with tattoos and uncontrollable rages." Selena teased me and I frowned deeply at her, "Nope. You'd need to hand your balls over to her with a lovely pink bow wrapped around them and vow that you won't leave her until you die and that you'll be willing to have half a dozen lovely little blue eyed, blonde haired babies with her." She said and I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "Oh, that's right. There's no way she's squeezing six babies out and you'd need balls to knock her up anyway. She's forever the prude."
I placed my hands on Levi's thighs before wiggling my bottom a bit as I tried to press back more against him, wanting to ignore my friend and her irritating behavior and instead just enjoy and absorb the warmth of the boy behind me. I just hoped he didn't mind it. He was too comfortable and warm to pass up at this point.
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I grinned at what Chelsea said and nodded, "Yes, really, babe." I told her teasingly, of course I didn't really know if I was her type or not and I didn't really care, she was Chelsea, the girl who's hair I used to pull and throw sand balls at when we were fighting. But she was also the girl who, when she gave the word and we were on good terms, I'd beat up anyone for upsetting her. Sure our group were all friends but Chelsea and I had always been close. I would always tell her about my new surf board or a girl that I liked and she would always tell me things like that. When she had a problem, if girls were teasing her or making fun or her, or if she had an assignment she couldn't understand or something she would tell me. And if she was happy about something, maybe a boyfriend or a heap of friends or something, she would tell me that too. It was a good friendship and I was happy to have her as my friend forever.
I thought for a few moments so I could give her a good response, a smart one just to show I was joking around, "Because I'm everyones type, girls throw them at me and you said it yourself, I'm a gentleman. I don't get into anything serious with a girl unless I'm ready for the commitment or if it's just a fling they know it. I don't play games, I'm up front with them. I'm tall, tanned, muscular and Lina couldn't keep her hands of my butt either." I told her, quite happy with my response, "What isn't there to like?" I asked her before looking over Preston who had stopped laughing and was simply shaking his head at me. "Winters, get over yourself, mate, it's killing me, you're like some flamin' g*t," He told me and I cracked a bright grin and nodded, taking a hand from Chelsea's waist to hold up one finger, "Yes, but, we all know I'm right," I told him as my hand went back to rest over my other one wrapped around her waist.
But Selena began speaking and I turned my head to look at her, I shook my head, "Alright, that's enough, Selena," I said in a serious tone, we'd had our fun but she always seemed to take it a bit far and by the way Chelsea was reacting as she tried to press herself more into me I knew I had to get her to shut up, but it was hard not to wince back as she moved against something very sensitive, however I controlled myself enough not to. I was glad she still trusted me not to try and take advantage of her or do anything stupid. I would never, off course, but after years of not seeing each other, I wasn't sure how she would react to me, and if she would test me out as if I would be another stupid teenage boy who couldn't control himself because I could, to some degree, I'd taught myself to fight the stupidity that over came so many others.
No matter how long it had been I still thought of her the way I always did my best girl friend who I would do anything for. I never really believed in starting again if people were on good terms, instead I preferred to go back to the way things were, so to speak, pick up where we left off. Of course we had changed and we would accommodate room for those changes but really we were still the same people, or from what I had seen of her anyway. But I wasn't quite finished with Selena yet. "Chelsea may be careful with her choice of partners but at least she has self respect, unlike some people," I added, not exactly directing my words at Selena but I was in a way also.
We all knew she got around and I wasn't about to let her make fun of Chelsea or anything like that because Chels was still new to that part of life. That was her choice, she would make it when she was ready but until then we were all to respect her decision to wait for so long, she had her own reason for doing that and we weren't to judge her. I wasn't naive like that but it was different for guys, however at the same time I wasn't an idiot like some guys. If I was to take that part of a girls innocence I stuck around instead up just up and leaving after a while. sure sometimes they got tired of me or we both got tired of each other and left the relationship altogether but until then I was a proper man by treating them right. And Selena had made her choice too, to be free when she got around and we had to respect her decision on that too, but it gave her no right to tease Chelsea either.
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"You're a bit too cocky. And you're not that gorgeous, babe. I've seen better." I teased Levi with a bright smile and a giggle as I glanced up at him over my shoulder, batting my lashes. I was surprised that he'd turned out so well based on the fact of whether or not what he said was true, but I knew that he wasn't the lying type. He said things the way they were. And that meant that I was extremely proud of the man my friend had become. He knew how to behave and treat a lady and... he wasn't kidding on the fact that he was hot. But we'd never seen each other that way.
No, it just meant that I'd have to keep an eye on him and I'd need to be prepared for battle when we were hanging out and girls flocked around him for attention. If I wanted to spend any quality time with my friend, I'd need to be on my toes. Of course I wasn't obsessive, but I had my quirks. And why waste our time with trashy girls? Of course if someone nice came along, I'd gladly encourage him to get to know her and have fun; he was a guy after all and he probably wanted some action over the summer too and I wouldn't be one to deny him that. It was his right after all, but I didn't want a bunch of skanky girls hanging all over us when we hung out.
Levi was defending me rather firmly to Selena and it made my cheeks flush with a deep coloration. I was grateful, but the stunned look on her face made me wince and she leaned in to kiss my cheek, "I'll see you tomorrow. You'd better keep that boy on a leash. He bites," she said and I sighed, shaking my head as she grabbed her bag and got to her feet before she walked off down the beach, but of course the boy she'd been talking to volunteered to walk her home as he trotted off after her.
I glanced back at Levi, "No worries. She's been cranky all day." I told him lightly before I looked at the younger guys and then back at him, "Levi, can you hold this up for a second?" I asked him, turning my towel so the ends were behind me and he could grab them and hold them up in front of my body to prevent the boys from seeing my body. I trusted him and he'd only see my back really, but I wasn't afraid of being in a bikini around guys. It's just when they got looking for a girl to get lucky with that I wanted to start covering up.
Once he had the towel for me, I reached an arm out from behind the fabric to grab my bag and I yanked out a tank top now that my upper body was dry enough to put it on and I pulled it over my head with a sigh. I straightened the fabric down to my hips, making sure that it wasn't bunched around my curves at all. I didn't want any unattractive lumps of fabric, but it clung nicely to my body, dipping low, but not enough to be disgusting. It was just how the shirt was made; how all tank tops were for girls our age.
I reached up, gripping the towel and dropping it to the side now that it was too damp for me to feel comfortable wrapping around myself; it was cold and wet. But I leaned back against his chest once again, reaching out to grip his hands as I pulled his arms around my waist.
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I scoffed at her response and rolled my eyes, squeezing her waist lightly, "Oh, please, there aren't any guys better then me and you know it, even these so called 'better' guys would only come from your little fantasies and I know for certain that they're not nearly as hot as I am," I replied simply, knowing that there were guys out there who were better looking then I was, sure I was something like eye candy to girls but besides having a tease with Chelsea I didn't really like talking about my looks, much less bragging about them. I was who I was and I hated being seen as cocky or arrogant so I tried to stay away from that as much as possible. But at times I was stupid, maybe if I was drunk or something and couldn't control what I was saying or doing I would go on about my looks or brag about it. And if I was sober enough to remember I regretted ever doing it, I didn't want to be a jock who thought they controlled the world and bragged all the time, it was an ugly way to live.
"Uh, hello? I'm over here, Levi," I heard Preston say and I grinned as I looked at him, "Yeah, keep dreaming, man, I'm way better looking then you are," I replied and he shrugged, "Yeah, maybe you are better in looks, but I doubt you're any good with other things," He told me and I shook my head, "That's probably because I'm not a pros******," I retorted, of course he was right though. I may not have been naive like that but I wasn't as experienced as he was, and I took pride in that. Preston didn't ever care for relationships, he wanted one-night-stands and that was it, me on the other hand, I couldn't handle that and I didn't know why for certain but I figured it was because of my mother. She died by the hands of her boyfriend and that was because she doubted herself too much to leave him, she worried she wouldn't be able to provide for me or find someone else.
She had no self esteem and I thought that was a horrible thing, which lead to my theory on one-night-stands. I figured girls didn't value themselves enough to ask for more then that and had just accepted the fact that men would only use them as such, and granted, some women liked the pleasure that came with it, but even a woman who got around was allowed to say 'no', she was allowed to choose and she was allowed to have the right of a relationship. If a guy couldn't handle that then he wasn't worth her time and I wouldn't let any girl of mine feel like that. Whenever I dated I made sure that the girl felt special, that she was in control of how far we went, and that she could tell me about whatever was bothering her at the time and what she did and didn't feel comfortable with.
I shrugged at what Selena said, I wasn't about to apologize if that's what she wanted, it wasn't happening. I wasn't allowing her to guilt trip me into saying sorry, I had nothing to be sorry about, she had pushed it too far with Chelsea and I had told her so. End of story. Chelsea told me that she had been cranky all day and I shrugged again, "Her words don't effect me, she's just Selena, no harm done," I replied and nodded taking the towel ends for her and holding it up as my protective gaze roamed over the younger males, some of whom were trying to catch a glimpse, but my hard gaze on them made them look away.
Chelsea had filled out since I had last seen her and she had the curves of a woman, and it was natural as a guy for me to want a look at her body but I wouldn't dare, not ever. She was my friend, I wasn't allowed to and I didn't want to for the very reason that it could possibly ruin things between us, especially because she was still a virgin. But once she finished she took the towel from me and dropped it to the side as I looked at her tank top and shook my head, "You're going to be attracting a lot of attention with that top," I told her as I tightened my grip on her and pulled her against me more. I was liking her warmth also but I wanted everyone to get the message that her body and curves weren't for public display.
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Levi had spoken up about Selena and I nodded, relieved that he wasn't upset, but I hadn't been expecting him to be. We were all grown ups and what she said hadn't been too offensive. Even I didn't think much of what she said, so I was pleased that he was disregarding it as well. She just wasn't happy today. Tomorrow would be better, I hoped.
But he'd held the towel for me and I knew that he was incredibly protective of me by the way he had stared the other boys down; the ones who had been trying to get a look at me. He really was a good friend and I appreciated that more than he knew. It meant he actually thought of me as me and not just a 'lay' or a body for him to stare at or play with. No, he actually cared about what I felt and how I was treated. He was incredibly sweet about it all.
He took one look at my tank top and talked about it as I frowned, "Yeah, and you'll be attracting a lot of attention with that smile. Geez, it's better than going around in my bikini top." I murmured, teasing him a bit as he tightened his grip around my waist, pulling me closer and I didn't complain. I was enjoying the way that he held me and the warmth he gave off. My head lolled back against his collarbone as I looked up at his features from this angle and I had to say, he was pretty darn hot. They looked sharper and even more chiseled than before when you saw them up close.
And then I realized that by leaning back I'd put what showed of my cleavage on view for everyone else to see, but I was too comfortable to move. So I reached down to grab one of his arms from my waist and I draped it over my upper chest, above my breasts, but just low enough that his forearm could cover the whole cleavage problem and also keep it warm. "There. No attention and more warmth. Though... you're a bit too hard to be completely comfortable." I said with a soft giggle, reaching back with a hand to slide it between my lower back to poke his abdomen that was solid with muscle. Of course it was kind of like cuddling with a rock, but a very warm rock and this very warm rock could make you feel safe and happy and honorable, so I found no problem with it. I was enjoying this time with him.
Just then I realized how what I said could have been conveyed and my face flushed a bright red at the thought of the others taking it as a different part of his body being hard. I hadn't even put much thought to that, but he wasn't, so I respected him for that, though if he was, I wouldn't have cared either. What could he do? He had an awesomely hot girl sitting in his lap. My arms came to rest over top of his, my fingers slipping through the spaces of his in a way as I tried to anchor my own arms up so I didn't have to hold them there and also, it was just extra warmth for me.
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I grinned when she mentioned my smile and gave a half shrug, "Yeah, that's why I practice in front of the mirror for hours so I can win unsuspecting girls over with it," I replied, of course I didn't really care how my smile looked, it was just a part of me, the way my mouth reacted when I was happy was out of my control and if people didn't like it then boo hoo, but if it meant it was another way for me to score the girl I wanted then good. But I saw her frowning and she told me it was better then a bikini top and I nodded, pressing a light kiss to the top of her hair, not in a suggestive way, more of a reassuring I-wasn't-saying-it-like-that way. "I know it's better and I wasn't judging you, all I meant was that if you're wearing things that flaunt your figure and make guys' eyes pop out of their heads while their drool falls to the floor then I have to step up my game to make sure no one gets too close to hurt you," I murmured, adding humor but I was perfectly serious.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with her showing off her curves if she felt comfortable doing so, but there was repercussions, she would have every guys' attention and not all of them honorable in their personal intentions, whether she knew it or not. And I was perfectly fine with her wearing stuff like that when she was around me because if someone even so much as looked at her wrongly and I could see their intentions, then god help me, I'd make them into pulp bait that attracted sharks. Chelsea was too good for guys to think of her that way and I wouldn't allow it while I was around, what she wore was what she chose and she wasn't at all tarty like Selena, but guys were guys, in the end we were all attractive to a hot chick who wore the right stuff, no matter how much we denied it.
And just because Chelsea and I were good friends didn't mean I wasn't attracted to her, she was hot, but not in a tartish was, she had golden blond hair that made her eyes look like the sky when their back ground was her perfectly tanned skin, and she was curvy but not fat and her boobs... well they were of very good size and form. Yes, we were just friends but I was allowed to acknowledge that my friend was beautiful, maybe not to her because I didn't want her getting the wrong impression and come off as a sleaze but she was still very attractive, even to the point, had she not been my friend of many years, I probably would have asked her out. But those were my own personal thoughts, not to be voiced or written down, because in the wrong hands things could get out of whack.
But she lolled her head to rest on my collarbone and I smiled down at her, not a toothy smile, just a relaxed smile. However I turned my head to yawn, away so I was breathing on her in an unattractive way as I covered my mouth with one hand, just a habit of politeness learned in school before looking back at her, catching a glimpse of her cleavage, however only briefly as I took my gaze straight to her face. I hadn't meant to let my eyes stray over her body, it had just been a nothing action but I hoped she wasn't offended. Instead she seemed to notice her cleavage was out for all to see and pulled one of my arms over her upper chest, blocking the view of any unwanted eyes, and respectively I kept it in the same position she had put it. I knew soon enough my muscles would tire of that but I wouldn't complain, she was making herself comfortable and I wouldn't protest against that.
But she spoke and I chuckled as my head joined in and nodded, "Yes, I've noticed," I replied before taking on a offended face, "Now that's just mean. Would you prefer me to be fat?" I asked in mock offense, though I delivered it with a smile so she knew I was kidding, if she didn't know already. However I heard a couple of laughs coming from the guys, not Preston and Jake, the younger ones, who's minds were obviously more dirty, but I ignored them, not wanting to draw attention to the second meaning of her words. I knew she hadn't meant them in that way but words were perceived differently by the listener and the boys had of course chosen the different type of meaning. However I heard a couple of 'ow's and I figured it was just Preston and Jake sorting the guys out.
But by Chelsea's reaction I knew she had realized what her words could have meant as her cheeks flushed a very bright red and I grinned at her, "But you know, not being hard in that way takes a lot of effort, only acquired with self control, and if it wasn't you sitting in my lap, I doubt I would have tried so hard," I told her in a quiet-ish tone. Of course it was easy to get stiff that way, she was incredibly good looking but I wouldn't allow myself those thoughts and mentally stopped the process, but I just hoped she hadn't taken my words the wrong way.
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I smiled when he mentioned that he would want to defend me from any perverts that would be after my body. It was sweet and I gave a soft giggle in response, but I sensed that he wasn't joking. He would want to keep me safe from other guys who meant harm and I appreciated it.
But then he responded to what I'd said and I smiled, grateful that he hadn't teased me about the double meaning, but I could tell by the other boys' snickers that they hadn't overlooked it. And then of course my gentlemanly Levi noticed my blush and took it upon himself to tell me that he didn't have a stiffy because of how much he respected me and I froze, refusing to move a muscle. "Oh. Uh, thanks Leevy." I was grateful that he was trying so hard to hold back, but I was afraid that if I moved the wrong way and gave him a bit too much stimulation in one certain place, he could really harden and I knew that he was a good friend and I didn't want him suffering, but helping him out of that situation and relieving him would be crossing the line as a friend, so he'd be stuck with that lovely issue that I hoped for his benefit wasn't little.
And now that his male parts had come into question, my thoughts improperly focused around that as I absently began to wonder what it would feel like if he was aroused, how he would feel pressing against me. And if I lacked inhibitions and was more outward, not ashamed to grind into him or give him a kiss like how Selena would... then what could come later between the sheets; giving myself to him completely.... But Levi was a friend and he wasn't interested and neither was I. Though the thoughts of sweaty skin-on-skin contact in a horizontal embrace with my dear Levi and his hot body had my cheeks flushing an even deeper color, but not from embarrassment, but from arousal this time.
I wanted to loosen, to relax into him and enjoy the warmth and comfort he gave while I tried to fight off the thoughts of what my childhood friend might look like under his clothes. But that wouldn't help my mind that had decided to take a turn for the dirty. I gently pulled his arm off of my chest before I placed a hand on either side of his thighs and lifted myself off of his lap, trying to keep the moving of my bottom against his crotch to a minimum. I sat next to him on the blanket, but I was cold and without his body wrapped around me, the wind was free to assault me.
But I was forever the prude and I'd suffer in order to keep myself under control. Like any other girl my age, I had hormones, but just chose not to flaunt them like Selena. I gave him a small, apologetic look for getting off of him so suddenly, but I didn't want him to think that I'd reacted badly to the idea of him developing a cetain something in his pants. He may be able to keep it under control, but I wasn't. There was a heat swirling in my hips that was my nature as a human begging me to accept relief from the attractive boy beside me, but I refused to fidget or change my expression to give away to any of the others my discomfort. I just scooted over a bit, pressing up against Levi's side, knowing that I still wanted his warmth. I just couldn't handle the temptation of sitting in his lap. How pathetic. I was afraid of the big, sweet, hot guy. But I was forcing myself to calm down, not wanting to be the awkward one in the circle.
---------------------------------She tensed in my lap once I had spoken my last word and I regretted them immediately, I hadn't wanted to make her uncomfortable by any matter, all I had meant was that I was in control of my bodily parts so she didn't have to worry, but instead my words had taken a turn for the worst, in fact they had gone in the complete opposite direction then I intended. I wasn't sure why she had tensed but it wasn't doing any good, she could relax, I knew I'd be able to control myself to a certain degree and besides I didn't want her being uncomfortable around me. But she was now and I sighed, "You can relax, Chels, I can control myself," I told her quietly, feeling rather ashamed that I had made her feel that way. I took my gaze away, turned on a right angle to my left as I looked out at the ocean, I wished things would just go back to the way they were, it was easier that way, simpler. No worrying about whether I would be getting a stiffy because of her or not. We were just friends and nothing mattered.
But she took my arm off her chest and I looked down at her to see her cheeks flushed even deeper and I wondered what she had been thinking to make her skin go that colour. But she was moving from my lap and I frowned as she did so, but I didn't protest. Apparently I had to learn to keep my mouth shut from subjects like those. But as she moved I couldn't help getting in a couple of sneaky glimpses, however as soon as I had I looked away again, ashamed at myself for looking at her like that, it wasn't right. She was my friend, nothing more. She would hate me forever if she knew I was thinking of her like that. Even worse she would probably hit me or something and I couldn't bare that. I couldn't bare the fact of knowing that she hated me or thought ill of me. No, she was my best friend always had been since we were kids, of course we had lost touch but that didn't mean anything.
I just couldn't help it, she was beautiful, full stop. There was nothing else to it. And I knew that I would have chased after her had I thought there was a chance, I knew she was the kind of girl who was my type. She was sweet and funny, she knew how to have a good time but she was responsible and respectable also. Were were good friends and we just seemed to click that first time I met her, it was as if I had known her all my life and now, well we practically had. Everything had been right back to where we had left off and nothing had changed much, at least nothing of importance. Even if she was shy in the intimate respect, I could deal with that. If she decided she didn't want me to be her first I would be able to respect that and I wouldn't mind, it was a big decision, bigger then picking your marriage mate because of all the divorce rates but once she lost her innocence there was no going back. And I would be perfectly content just to be able to hold her and spend my time with her, maybe a few kisses here and there would be nice, but nothing further then what she was comfortable with.
But I knew that was a lost cause, she would never see me that way and I didn't blame her, because of how close we had been she probably thought of me as a brother figure, nothing more. It was depressing to think like that but it was realistic and I couldn't change how she thought, nor would I want to. I didn't want to be controlling or anything like that. And besides, I would find someone else to satisfy my needs in the mean time, maybe Selena. She was always up for it and I would be there for a relationship if she wanted it. It was sad to say, that despite my best efforts I was still I guy and I craved intimacy and I wasn't looking for a girl who would play hard to get. Though deep down I knew I would never do anything with Selena, I couldn't, she was Chelsea's best friend, it would be like torture knowing I could be so close to her yet so far.
I sighed and shook my head, maybe it would just be better to not be looking for a girl, just to keep things simple this summer, surf, play guitar, eat, drink and have a good time. There. Simple. But things like that were easier said then done and I was only thinking at this point. But she had shifted to lean against me and I turned my gaze to look at her, moving my shoulder away from her as my arm wrapped around her shoulders, not pressuring her into coming back to relax in my lap but just a comforting gesture. I sort of felt cold and empty now where she had been sitting, but that didn't matter anymore, I didn't want to push her. "So, what have you got planned for the summer?" I asked her after a while.
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He was so sweet in how he wanted me to relax, to feel comfortable in his lap and I thought he was amazing for wanting to do that; that he was honestly concerned about me and if he'd offended me with what he said. But of course he hadn't. I truly appreciated that he had tried so hard to keep from hardening when it came to me sitting in his lap. I understood that we were only friends, but he was still a guy and that meant that he had natural responses that could occur due to my position on him.
But I landed beside him, though another thought surfaced in my mind; had he been... looking at me? As in my chest? Nah, Levi wasn't like that. He didn't want to look at me. We were only friends... right? But regardless, in my own mind I was a bit flattered that he might've found me attractive, though it only fueled the need circling in my hips.
I leaned over to kiss his cheek, a friendly gesture, but I whispered three words to his ear as I pulled away, my eyes meeting his for a moment. I then laid my head on his shoulder, gladly accepting the warmth and comfort of his arm around my shoulders. It was the contact that worried me; I was enjoying it a lot more than I should. But my mind could justify it over my desire using heat and security as an excuse. But those three words I'd said echoed in my mind at their truth. "But I can't." He'd told me that he could control himself and those three words exposed my weakness to my friend; just how I'd been thinking about him.
I was ashamed, but that was the thing that bothered me; I wasn't ashamed enough to want to pull away completely. He was my friend and I shouldn't be thinking of him in this manner, of just how hot he was, his strength, of how he would be able to hold me down and take advantage of me... wait. What? What's wrong with me? I wasn't that kind of girl.... right? I should be thinking of how gentle he was, how he could hold me afterwards and so on, but there was a different side of me surfacing. God, what the hell? I was supposed to be soft and sweet; that was who I was.
But... I was passionate. I cared about all I did and I did it with meaning. Besides, I had an issue with sitting still. I needed my hands busy and hence why I'd been touching Levi's thighs, his arms, his abdomen and shifting around in his lap. I was honestly surprised he hadn't stiffened or kicked me off yet. Sitting still wasn't exactly a part of the things I did. I had stamina, more than Selena and therefore I was able to play games harder and longer hence why I was so good at sports. I was competitive and strong where she was soft and elegant. I liked taking risks and she'd rather curl up with her latest guy in front of a fire on a cold night while I'd rather be out snowboarding or building a bonfire, lighting off fireworks, skinny dipping... just anything to keep me entertained. I had too much energy.
I'd have plenty of energy to spend with Levi, to do it anywhere and get an adrenaline rush from the chances of being caught or just enjoying the fact that I had the ability to run very long distances without any hesitation and I could continue for a quite a while with my lover before becoming tired. But... I didn't have the knowledge and skill of other girls. I'd be a disappointment. A disappointment that would be willing to drag it out even longer. That's why I needed a guy who would care about me and wouldn't want to just up and leave me afterwards because of my inexperience. I might be willing to get creative with it, rough even, but after giving in that last bit of myself only to be thrown away... it was terrifying.
Levi wouldn't do that to me, but I didn't want to ruin things between us. But losing it to a friend- that couldn't be too bad, right? He was a guy that I'd known practically all my life and I never wanted to lose his friendship and I knew that he'd take care of me; he wouldn't just get up and abandon me after that. He'd make the sacrifice of dealing with me on my first time... but wasn't it supposed to be an honor to take my virginity? But it would be in a way. He would be my closest and most intimate friend and I'd always remember him as my best and closest friend as well as the man who took my virginity.
Though... he might not be interested in me in that way and offering that might just make it really awkward between us and ruin anything that might've been there. Besides, I wasn't ready for sex anyway. Well... I was, but I wanted to wait for the right person and I wanted to give him the chance to show up in my life rather than just give up and have Levi as my first.
He asked me what I planned on doing this summer and I shrugged, "Nothing. Figured I'd come down here to hang with you guys once more before we all go to college." I told him lightly with a smile, "But I got a part-time job as a lifeguard down on the public beach. I work Tuesday and Thursdays on the afternoon shift." That meant that I would be perched up on a rickety structure, half naked and surrounded by guys my age hungry and looking for a dinner date. Awesome. But I didn't mind. Pretty much any summer job would end the same way.