Fantasy I Was Supposed To Become a Hero but Got Stuck in a Deadend Job Instead [Reboot] OOC

[TanteRegenbogen]

This is the on-site Out Of Character thread for "I Was Supposed To Become a Hero But Got Stuck in a Deadend Job Instead". There will probably be a Discord server for it since it is a more direct means of communicating.

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

ThAtGuY101 Found a couple spelling errors in your CS.

1. Arcane history, not arcanine history (arcanine is a pokemon lol)
2. "Rakkis is can life over twice his body weight." -> "Rakkis can lift over twice his body weight."
3. andd -> and
4. "Gravity Pole - the power poke is a t ft metal rod" what is this supposed to be. Also did you mean power pole and not power poke?

It seems though there are only spelling errors in the first third of your CS though.

Also do you have discord? We have a discord server for the roleplay for out of character stuff

 

[ThAtGuY101]

arcanine

I have no clue why I said arcanine

2. "Rakkis is can life over twice his body weight." -> "Rakkis can lift over twice his body weight."

I intended that to be him being really strong. I can leave out the twice his body weight. I'm not really sure how to determine a really muscular dwarf's body weight.

3. andd -> and

Im not sure wat this is a reference to. If I said and witout completing a sentence that must have been a typo. I may have wrote and, then decided not to finish the sentence and forgot to remove the word and.

4. "Gravity Pole - the power poke is a t ft metal rod" what is this supposed to be. Also did you mean power pole and not power poke?

That was intended to be a weapon and also gym tool. If law enforcement ask, it's just a tool.

As far as edits go. I can swap the arcanine to arcane. And for the twice his body weight. I can probably turn that into saying "He's really strong". Is that okay? As for And. I have no clue what that's about. and for gravity pole. I can remove that or leave that if you'll allow it...?

and Yes. I do have discord.

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

I have no clue why I said arcanine


I intended that to be him being really strong. I can leave out the twice his body weight. I'm not really sure how to determine a really muscular dwarf's body weight.


Im not sure wat this is a reference to. If I said and witout completing a sentence that must have been a typo. I may have wrote and, then decided not to finish the sentence and forgot to remove the word and.


That was intended to be a weapon and also gym tool. If law enforcement ask, it's just a tool.

As far as edits go. I can swap the arcanine to arcane. And for the twice his body weight. I can probably turn that into saying "He's really strong". Is that okay? As for And. I have no clue what that's about. and for gravity pole. I can remove that or leave that if you'll allow it...?

and Yes. I do have discord.

No on the second one, you have a spelling error where you wrote "Rakkis is can life" instead of "Rakkis can lift"

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

3. andd -> and

"Im not sure wat this is a reference to. If I said and witout completing a sentence that must have been a typo. I may have wrote and, then decided not to finish the sentence and forgot to remove the word and."

 

[ThAtGuY101]

Oh...! My bad. I changed it to "Rakkis is quite muscular and can lift roughly 300 pounds."

And I realized I accidentally wrote "Andd" with two ds. as I went back to make corrections.

I also changed t ft to 4 ft.

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

Oh...! My bad. I changed it to "Rakkis is quite muscular and can lift roughly 300 pounds."

And I realized I accidentally wrote "Andd" with two ds. as I went back to make corrections.

I also changed t ft to 4 ft.

Yes, now you understood what I was getting at. Lifting twice his weight wasn't the problem. I was only pointing out typos.

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

AnimeQueenVA Character rejected. How about you run your character through the Mary Sue litmus test to see why I rejected your character.

Right off the bat, 10 is too young. It may be a fantasy world, but child labor still doesnt exist in it.

Secondly, an IQ of 900 is just insane and usually such abnormally high IQs are indicators that a character is a Mary Sue.

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

AnimeQueenVA The Universal Mary Sue Litmus Test

 

[AnimeQueenVA]

I'll go update my OC right away!

 

[AnimeQueenVA]

Updated it!

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

Updated it!

Again. Declined. I gave you a link to a site that tells you what a Mary Sue is and why they are bad for RPs. Do you need me to write in detail everything wrong with your character?

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

What is a Mary Sue? - Springhole.net

What exactly is a Mary Sue?

springhole.net

 

[AnimeQueenVA]

Oh I didn't know...I am sorry, I am fairly new to roleplaying! I hope that you could forgive me!

 

[AnimeQueenVA]

Could I try it again?

 

[AnimeQueenVA]

But I won't make that mistake this time

 

[AnimeQueenVA]

TanteRegenbogen Could I try to make a character again? Or no?

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

Could I try it again?

When I get home, I will write a longer post on what you have to look out for. For starters, don't write your character as if she's supposed to be THE protagonist. In roleplays unless stated otherwise, expect to play like a deuteragonist. Don't try to make a character the center of attention, but consider that there are other people who are of equal importance.

 

[AnimeQueenVA]

When I get home, I will write a longer post on what you have to look out for. For starters, don't write your character as if she's supposed to be THE protagonist. In roleplays unless stated otherwise, expect to play like a deuteragonist. Don't try to make a character the center of attention, but consider that there are other people who are of equal importance.

I'll take note of it! Thank you so much!

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

So I got home now.

So your character need to be somewhat realistic. You wrote that your character spoke via ASL (?). Firstly, even in the real world, most people who are verbal don't learn ASL unless they take an interest in it or are somehow affected themselves (such as a family member or friend being deaf or mute).

You also wrote that your character was almost instantly very popular at the elite academy, which is virtually how Mary Sue characters are written.

Rule of thumb: For every strength, your character should have a flaw. The greater the strength, the greater the flaw. No character is perfect. But don't go the complete opposite way, making a dramatic, loser character with a severely flawed personality.

So all in all, try to make your character more realistic, more "regular".

If you want to go with your original character somewhat. You can be an elf, a florist, autistic, somewhat likeable, experienced with elemental magics.

On the topic of autism, I can say from firsthand experience that as an autistic person it is impossible to be liked by everyone. Some people will just be nice to you out of pity, while some people will actually sincerely be your friends.

I understand you want to make an exciting character and going overboard with it is a typical beginner mistake (I did it too when I first began roleplaying like 20 years ago), but going overboard is usually what will kill a roleplay or get you removed from many roleplays.

If you need, look at the characters that have already been accepted to get an idea with what you can play with.

 

[AnimeQueenVA]

So I got home now.

So your character need to be somewhat realistic. You wrote that your character spoke via ASL (?). Firstly, even in the real world, most people who are verbal don't learn ASL unless they take an interest in it or are somehow affected themselves (such as a family member or friend being deaf or mute).

You also wrote that your character was almost instantly very popular at the elite academy, which is virtually how Mary Sue characters are written.

Rule of thumb: For every strength, your character should have a flaw. The greater the strength, the greater the flaw. No character is perfect. But don't go the complete opposite way, making a dramatic, loser character with a severely flawed personality.

So all in all, try to make your character more realistic, more "regular".

If you want to go with your original character somewhat. You can be an elf, a florist, autistic, somewhat likeable, experienced with elemental magics.

On the topic of autism, I can say from firsthand experience that as an autistic person it is impossible to be liked by everyone. Some people will just be nice to you out of pity, while some people will actually sincerely be your friends.

I understand you want to make an exciting character and going overboard with it is a typical beginner mistake (I did it too when I first began roleplaying like 20 years ago), but going overboard is usually what will kill a roleplay or get you removed from many roleplays.

If you need, look at the characters that have already been accepted to get an idea with what you can play with.

Alrighty! Tysm!

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

Alrighty! Tysm!

No problem. Just making sure that the experience stays pleasant for everyone involved.

 

[AnimeQueenVA]

Remade my character, TanteRegenbogen !

 

[TanteRegenbogen]

Remade my character, TanteRegenbogen !

I regret to inform you that I will have to decline your character again. Just deleting the points of criticism is not going to improve the character. Also the character still is a Mary Sue. It lacks depth. In regards to skills, "𝓢𝓴𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓼/𝓐𝓫𝓲𝓵𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓮𝓼 ➺ 𝓢𝓱𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓪𝓫𝓲𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂 𝓽𝓸 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓵 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂 𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽." is overpowered. There is a big difference between controlling every element and having proficiency in elemental magics. Also ability doesn't tell us how proficient your character is in a skill. Also it has been raised to my attention that others found your character to not fit into the character scheme.

Also we found the chosen font of your character sheet to be painful to read and difficult in it's legibility.

I recommend either just making a new character altogether without trying it make it shiny or exciting and focus on something more in depth and easier for other players characters to interact with. Alternatively, you could seek to join another roleplay with a more lenient GM.

I am sorry if it sounds kind of harsh, but certain expectations need to be met when joining some people's roleplays.

 

[kodex]

Just wondering if it was ok that I made my character, seeing as the roleplay has already begun. If it's not, I'm perfectly OK with removing the post!