Winona
No, I don't have too many characters.
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He was more confident. As if laying everything out between them had reduced his stress, his overthinking, so he was able to speak in complete sentences, and actually relax. It was nice. Good for Trevor, being able to lose himself in this moment and the calm with the tension between them dissipated.
However, it had the opposite effect on Ash. She was panicked, even if it wasn't completely visible on her face or in her body language, she was panicking. Not because this wasn't how she wanted the night to go -- Ash had figured she'd end up on some guy's couch by the end of the night making out, albeit not Trevor's -- but because of the sudden wave of what if's that were threatening to drown her. The overthinking part of her brain had kicked in.
Because what if this was a one night thing, what if they grew bored of each other in like two days, what if people started voicing their opinions and it affected how they viewed each other, what if--
“Do you have to ask, darlin’?”
Her heart beat in her throat as his hand pressed against her cheek. The what if's that had been battling it out for attention in her thoughts came to a halt.
“I think ya already know tha answer.”
He moved closer and Ash felt frozen in place. Her heart had ceased to pound. Her lungs had stopped inflating. She was frozen, her eyes breaking from Trevor's to glance down at his lips.
“I don’t want us ta go back."
Trevor kissed her and for a moment, Ash was lost in the moment. In the feeling of his lips against hers, in the fluttering in her chest, in the warmth of his hand against her cheek, in the reality of this moment actually happening. This didn't feel totally real, or it felt too good to be true, or something. She was waiting for something to shock them back into reality, something to ruin the moment, like it seemed to happen every time they were together.
But nothing came.
She shifted so that she was facing Trevor again, her legs tucked underneath her. Ash let go of his hand so she could wrap her arms around her neck, and she deepened the kiss.
Ash could just let herself forget her worries. Forget the what if's. Just lose herself right here, right in this moment with her arms around Trevor, with her lips pressed against his.
But if there was one thing Ash was good at, it was ruining the moment. It was the what if's and the overthinking coming back to haunt her, the stress of unanswered questions that ruined it.
Ash pulled away from him, but not far. Her arms stayed resting over his shoulders, her face still just inches from his. She hesitated, her eyes trailing down from his to his lips and she considered, briefly, not opening her mouth to speak. Not ruining this moment with the questions that pecked away at the back of her thoughts. She could just press her lips against his again and just forget and deal with it later.
"I don't want to tell anyone," her words were quiet as she spoke at a mere whisper. Her heart lurched. It was the truth, but it hurt to speak aloud, and she worried that Trevor would pull away and end it right there -- so she quickly tried to add on and explain herself. "It's not... it's just... I don't want people involved."
Wait, that didn't make sense.
"Like things were good with me and Nico, until these girls started telling me that he was cheating, and... whatever they told him. I don't want... I don't want to know people's opinions -- I don't want that affecting how I feel about you, at least like... not right away." Oh god, oh god, she was barely understanding what she was saying.
"Like, we can tell people, eventually. After we... figure this... out more," Ash continued, trying desperately to make sense of her point. "Plus I really don't want to hear Charlie's 'I told you so' and 'you owe me an apology,' and like, if things go bad between us, you know she's going to have something to say, and I just... don't want anyone interjecting."
People already had a strong enough opinion about the two of them when they weren't even dating.
Ash didn't want their opinions affecting her -- not when other people's opinions had been what had led to her avoidable breakup with Nico. She just... really didn't want to make the same mistakes again.
code by ditto (head empty go bonk)