Funniest Quotes OOC or IC from Exalted

P

Persell

Ten Thousand Club
My personal favorite was:


Player 1 Awww come on...


ST I said No, you may not call the Southern God of War "Battle Cattle."
 
"Can I at least draw my sword before you and Tekk kill everything?"


--Said Boktor, the crankiest of Zenith Castes to his Circle mates....
 
"You're going to stay there and learn how to climb trees, or DIE trying!" - Zangetsu, Cliche Night Caste Ninja, while teaching his student how to use the 2nd charm in the Ebon Shadow style...in Halta...while tied up...several hundread feet high


"Anathema!  They're all soul-stealing demons!" - Doc Means, Night Caste Doc(tor) Solar


"Bah, all doctor's are quacks!" - Doc Means


"This is my master's ship.  Leave at once." (smack)  "Oh crap." - Deathknight Sorcerer, when talking to my Zenith over the matter of an airship (full of warstriders).
 
"I'm just here to talk, so stop posturing."  


Said the Lunar to the Deathlord right before a fist was shoved through her chest to wrap a Soulsteel ring around her spine. :shock:
 
Gutts: Guen, can you tell who it was?


(long pause, while everyone remembers that Guen is in the form of a domestic dog and cannot speak.)


Guen: *Arf*


Jorias (to Guen): Jonny fell down the well?
 
(I forget people's names, so I'll just go by what they were)


Dawn Caste Solar: In the name of the Unconquered Sun, I shall smite all my minions!!


Changing Moon Lunar: You mean your enemies?


Dawn: Right!  My minions!


Lunar: *opens mouth to speak and thinks better of it*


(To give more details, the Dawn also constantly heard the voice of the US, he was explaning something shortly after Exaltation and hurt his and the ST's head so much, the ST had the Dawn's Goremaul spontaneously return itself from Elsewhere and hit him on the head, and the Dawn was more evil than the Abyssal in the group, we had to stop him from going after some refugees because he said he needed a snack.. it was a strange game)
 
A Dawn and an Eclipse are running through the streets of Red Bridge, the capital of a small southern satrapy, a trio of Dragon-Blooded in hot pursuit. They take a wrong turn and end up at a dead end, the Terrestrials closing in on them and reinforcements on the way. Suddenly, the Eclipse turns to the Dawn


Eclipse: Flacon, look over there~points


Dawn: ~keyed up, Falcon looks, hoping that the Eclipse has seen something he didn't~


Eclipse: ~turning to the DBs~Quick, run while he's distracted...


The Eclipse rolled so well on a Presence + Manipulation, with a few stunt dice for spontaneous laughter, that the DBs actually did run, leaving the errant Solars to make a leisurely escape.


It was only later that I learned that the player had gleaned his master escape plan from an episode of Family Guy...
 
xD Impressive.


A Night, Twilight and a Dawn are walking through the outskirts of Rathess, near the old watery Octave for Dragon Kings, they here a strange noise and their guides start to nearly choke and gag on their own sweat and nerves.


Nigel, Night caste hunter (Think Panama Jack): Take heart fellows! What could go wrong?


About three dozen hobgolins and five Great Goblins pour around the corner wielding weapons and carrying a few uncivilized Dragon King mounts.


Nigel: Dashed unsporting *opens fire with his firewand.* Have at them! *looks back the Twilight and Dawn, plus the guides have jumped into the water and were swimming away to the outcroppings.* You bloody bastards...*ignited his powder horn and dove into the water. Gets back with his Circlemates and looks to the other Solars.* That'll be thirty opals each.


Salvia, Twilight: For what?!


Nigel: My bloody hat! It's lost somewhere in this damned swimming pool somewhere!


To be fair...it was a nice hat.
 
4 lunars have broken into the jade palace dome in a attempt to steal a peice from the games of divnity, two achully survive making it in there, first the last words


Claws of Rage: Yo, Sunny Boy! give me a peice or im gonna kick your shiny ass all over the place!


Madien of Battles: hes got guts....


Two Faced Cat: not anymore


and now back on creation, the other lunar


Two Faced Cat: I cant beleive i achully have a peice of the games of divinity and escaped


Luna: i helped you my child


Two: Luna! ~drops to knees~ why my lord?


Luna: it was the Unconjured Suns Peice that was letting him win
 
Player: D'you think we can challenge... You know, that guy, eh, Jacques Chirac?


ST (me, that is): Jacques Chirac?


Player: You know, that bearded old man.


ST: Chejop Kejak..?


Player: Yeah, that's him!


Player: You shoot a bird with a blowgun and it becomes an owl!!


...Usually we are a lot more fun, but either you forget what has been said or it's impossible to translate.
 
"Has anyone in the party not been knocked out yet during the adventure?"


--A player, after a 36-hour marathon gaming session that consisted mostly of a dozen combat scenarios.
 
a newbie night caste in a group of experienced players, after just finishing a assasination run on a immaculate monk setting fire to the COtI temple as a hundred god heresy ducks into a hovel to allow his anima to dim down. the family comes home, spots the anathema starts screaming bloody murder.  the player lacking any social skills (just like his character) proceeds to introduce himself, tell them where he's residing and offers to bring them with him under his protection.  they pretty much tell him to fuck off and leave us alone.


the other characters remind him (OOC) that they now know his name, where he's staying, and that he's anathema.


Rylan "fine, i kill the parents and take the kid."


me as ST: "what are you taking the kid for?"


Rylan "give it to the guy with the Golden Viper, i'm at least gonna get me some gold out of this.  and kids are easier to tie up and carry."


ST "you do realize that you were just going to help them, right? what's your compassion"


Rylan "fuck 'em. i've got a 1"


ST "uhg."
 
Rylan "fuck 'em. i've got a 1"
Click to expand...
As an ST, when a player hands you a character with a Compassion of 1, you need to ask yourself, "Do I want to have a total bastard in this game?"


If the answer's, "no", then you need to tell the player that before the game starts.


-S
 
When a Dragon Blooded player hands in a character with COmpassion 3 for a political campaign, you gotta ask yourself as a ST. Do I really want a total failure in this group?
 
As a paranoid schitzophrenic, I prefer playing characters with a Compassion of 1 or 2 max.  I'm not sure where mine lies.  A 2 think... :roll:
 
Kaiserpingvin said:
Player: D'you think we can challenge... You know, that guy, eh, Jacques Chirac?
ST (me, that is): Jacques Chirac?


Player: You know, that bearded old man.


ST: Chejop Kejak..?


Player: Yeah, that's him!
Click to expand...
That is absolutely sublime.  But then again, I've been a sucker for geopolitical humor ever since my old man started calling me Hosni Mubarak in elementary school..
 
Really?


I'd think that'd scare you off from such humour. Anyways, I agree. Politics in any sense is fun to joke about, especially if you mix in the occasional Nerdiness.
 
i had a character named shinji playing in my last game by my dearly departed friend ruben.  his solar night caste had steel devil style and was damn proud of it.  had a oricalcum and soulsteel paired daiklaves to go with it.  was always saying with a smile "i can parry it, it's reflexive!"  


so we're sitting at his apartment drinking heavily on a non-gaming night, and he's running around with two swords from his collectiion acting the fool.    seeing his romate holding a kitchen knife, unintellegently says "throw it"


his roomate, also a bit (read: massively) drunk, throws the knife at him. ruben, not actually expecting him to do it,  screems like a little bitch and accidentally knocks the blade out of the air with one of the swords.  


stunned and smiling, he looks around and states with smug glee "it IS reflexive..."
 
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