Pyroclast
Add alcohol and stir!
Jeremy Gray's Place
~ Bethnal Green, London ~
Billy King
~ Bethnal Green, London ~
Billy King
What had just happened? What the hell was that kiss? That kiss that Billy couldn’t even reciprocate? Desperate, is what it was. No, not just desperate - pathetic. Desperate, pathetic, and simply too late. The worst part was that Billy could feel Erik’s regret; he could tell that the man still loved him, could hear in his voice how much he wished he could take back what he did - but it still didn’t take away the fact that he had cheated. Even if it wasn’t a total betrayal and Erik still loved him and it was all just a misunderstanding, that wasn’t enough to save Billy from the pain. He stood in his house and felt stupid. For so long he had lived there on his own - it had his personality all over it, in all the 90 degree angles and aligned edges and dust-free surfaces; it was filled with happy memories, always smelled faintly of freshly chopped wood and was always fully stocked with his and Erik’s favourite drinks. He had made his home one of his favourite places to be…and yet it suddenly felt like the loneliest place in the world.
The silence was paralysing; he stood there, unsure whether he was about to tear the place apart or collapse on the floor and cry. However, there was always an alternative to any situation, and that one sounded more appealing than either of the other two options. Dropping his bags on the ground, Billy strode into the kitchen and went straight for the vodka. He needed to cleanse the taste of Erik’s kiss from his lips, wash down the lump in his throat, drown those stupid butterflies in his stomach, punish himself for his efforts that had so horribly backfired. It stung as it went down, but that’s what he wanted, and when he eventually tore the bottle away to draw a breath, his vision blurred - more from tears than anything else. He ended up sitting on the kitchen floor, alcohol dripping from his trembling lip. The day wasn’t going to get better. And tomorrow wouldn’t be better, either. How was he supposed to do his job now? Erik worked for his family; and if he told them what had happened, then Bruce would send him away to New York…did he want that? To never see him again? His heart was breaking, yes, but that was because he still loved him…
Maybe he didn’t have to tell them. Or, better yet, he could just get over it and force himself to stop feeling, and then he could just work as he had before and Erik could just be a colleague again. He could even go back to sleeping with women - after all, a mindless fuck was far easier, far less consequential than actually pursuing something meaningful. Or rather, what he thought had been meaningful. He brought the bottle back up to his lips and drank, trying not to notice the tears leaking from his eyes.
It was hard to measure how much he was drinking when it was coming straight from the bottle, but at some point he reached the decision to find company. He had already ruled out Bruce, and Darcey would likely be with him at this time of day so he couldn’t risk calling her either. Spencer, Alex and Jeremy would more than likely hunt Erik down and beat him up, and he didn’t want that. Harper…she was always the one he talked to first. Besides Erik, of course. But in matters concerning him, his sister was the one he went to…it was only a matter of whether he could justify leaning on her whilst she was still in recovery. But maybe he didn’t have to lean on her? Maybe if he got drunk enough, brought a pack of cards and some board games with him, he could distract himself enough to forget all about Erik and just enjoy her company? After all, Jeremy would be there anyway, given that Harper was currently staying at his house. Even if he had to pretend to be okay, anything had to be better than sitting alone on the kitchen floor.
“Hey, it’s me,” he said into the receiver, resting his forehead against the wall next to the handset. “It’s Billy.”
Still trying to get his thoughts back together following his calls with Erik and Sinead, Spencer hadn't yet returned to the kitchen. He couldn't help but imagine what could be going down at the Sullivan's party if the Morettis had managed to carry out the attack. Sinead had been rightly distraught and despite everything that had been happening with the Sullivans, he felt concerned for them, especially after talking to Alex about the need for peace and patching things up with Savannah. Also not in a rush to return to the kitchen, Spencer was happy to sit alone in the lounge for now to give Jeremy and Harper some alone time. Be it him expecting someone to be calling back about the Sullivans or just out of reflex, when the telephone began to ring next to him, Spencer didn't hesitate to reach for the receiver and brought it to his ear. He immediately recognised Billy's voice on the other end of the call. "Billy..." he began as his brother spoke. "It's Spencer. Harper's smooching with Jeremy. You alright?"
“Oh.” Hearing about Harper and Jeremy getting cosy together made his eyes burn with fresh tears, but he chose not to explore why. “Uh, yeah - yeah, I’m fine, I just wanted to see if…” Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all. He wasn’t all that confident that he would be able to hold himself together; Harper at least would stay with him if he ended up breaking, but if Jeremy and Spencer were there then he might not be able to stop at least one of them from hunting Erik down. “What’s goin’ on over there, then? You all just hangin’ out, or…?” He dug the heel of his palm into his eyes, determined to dry them even if he had to rub them raw. “I was just seein’ who was about. I ain’t doin’ nothin’ tonight. I could bring a couple six packs, make an evenin’ of it?”
Spencer sensed a dejected tone in Billy’s voice and it seemed like a night to be feeling that way. “Nothing much is going on, mate. I just came over to see Harper…” He trailed off just as Billy had, still sensing something hanging in the air. “You should come over and save me from feeling like a third wheel,” he suggested, mustering up some enthusiasm in his tone. “But only if you’re bringing beers, of course. I’m up for getting pissed if you are!”
Before he could decide whether or not to go ahead with it, there came a knock at the door. Billy was struck with a wave of nausea as he pictured Erik standing on his front step. He stood, conflicted as to whether or not to answer, when there was a second knock. Well, he thought, that’s fine - he could always kick him out. It might even be cathartic. So, he marched over to the front door and flung it wide open.
It wasn’t Erik. It was two police officers and a woman in a smart dress suit who appeared to have brought her baby along in a baby carrier.
“Yes?”
“William King?” one of the police officers said. “But you go by Billy, don’t ya'?”
His first thought was of Aidan, then of the man he had killed whilst retrieving May from her kidnappers. It put him on edge, but he tried to give nothing away. “What can I do for you?”
“We got some news,” the man said. “I’m Officer Crawley, this 'ere is Officer Clark and Miss Madsen. Is it alright if we come in?”
Billy hesitated - he had never let a police officer into his house before and it wasn’t something he had ever intended to do. But since they didn’t seem aggressive or confrontational - not to mention there was a baby in their company - he had to assume they weren’t after him for anything. “Sure,” he sighed, and led the way into the lounge. “You want a beer or somethin’?”
“We’re on duty, but thanks.”
As much as Billy wanted to keep drinking, he was able to care enough about the company he was in to realise it would be inappropriate. So he just brought a jug of water and some tumblers and placed them on the table before sitting opposite his four guests. Pointing to the baby, he asked, “Does the little one need to be ‘ere for this? I was about to light up.”
“Actually, he’s the reason we’re 'ere,” Crawley told him, and there was a short silence before he added, “Do you remember a woman named Serena Winters?”
“Mm…nope.”
“Well, she remembered you,” the officer said. “Enough to put you down as next of kin.”
Another silence followed, and Billy let out a perplexed chuckle, already sounding a little drunk. “You musta’ got the wrong bloke,” he shrugged. “Sorry, I don’t know her.”
“Mr. King,” Clark spoke up. “Serena died two days ago. Her partner is currently being investigated under suspicion of murder, but when she passed away…she left behind a baby.” Billy’s eyes were drawn to the baby in the carrier, who was currently occupied by a piece of ribbon dangling from the handle.
“Right?”
“Billy - can I call you that?” When the man saw a nod, he continued. “Billy, Serena listed you as the guardian of this child in the event of her death. Is there any chance…you could have had relations with Serena in the early summer of 1984 and simply not kept in touch?”
Billy paused. His head was starting to hurt, and he reached up to pass a hand across his forehead. “I don’t…” he mumbled. “I don’t get it, are you - are you saying this kid could be mine?”
“Not ‘could be’, Billy,” Crawley said. “The child is yours.”
“Like…biologically mine?”
The social worker, Miss Madsen, reached into her briefcase and retrieve a bundle of documents, which she proceeded to rifle through before selecting a document and handing it to Billy. “His name is Charles,” she told him, in a gentle voice. “Charles Roger Winters. He was born at 6:15am on the 27th of March. A healthy little boy - his medical records show no history or sign of serious illness.”
Billy gazed down at the birth certificate. Someone had entered his name in the column, but it had been written with different penmanship and different ink - as if his name had taken some time to track down. Charles Roger Winters. He supposed he could edit the name later on - Erik may have wronged him but he still didn’t like the idea of Erik's abusive father sharing a name with his son.
“I don’t…I don’t have any of the stuff,” Billy mumbled again, emotions catching on his voice. “I can’t just…I’m not prepared for this…”
“We’ve brought you supplies to help get him settled - bottled milk, nappies…and some of his clothes and toys from Miss Winters’ house. We couldn’t fit his crib in yet, but we have his moses basket if you can live with that for now.” The social worker looked at Billy, who was gripping the birth certificate so tightly it could almost rip. “Do you…want to say hello?”
Billy frowned, somehow feeling both too drunk and not drunk enough to handle the situation. Although he didn’t reply, he did set the document down and allowed Miss Madsen to pass the baby to Billy. Now sitting in his lap, the young boy fixed his curious blue eyes on Billy, leaving him with no choice but to gaze back at him. It was all so surreal; in the last half an hour alone, his entire world had changed. It almost felt like some big practical joke.
It wasn’t long before they agreed to leave him to it, with an arrangement for the social worker to make a visit the following day to see how they were settling. So, Billy just held his son on his knee and they continued their little staring contest. He knew then that he wasn’t about to spend the night alone, no matter how emotional he felt - dealing with the heartbreak was already too much, but being handed the huge, lifelong responsibility of raising a child he hadn’t even known about? He wasn’t even going to pretend he could handle that on his own.
Recognising that he had already drunk too much to get behind the wheel - especially with a baby, for whom he had no booster seat - Billy wrestled the baby into some warmer clothes from Serena’s house, and strapped him back into his carrier. Within minutes, he was making his way on foot to Jeremy’s house. His thoughts were going a hundred miles an hour, too fast to form any kind of coherent explanation he could give them when he showed up. Without the mental capacity to rehearse, Billy just ended up ringing the doorbell. He was so overwhelmed that as soon as the door opened and he saw his sister on the other side, his eyes just filled with tears. “Hey,” he managed to get out, his voice deep and strained. “I, um…I think I need -” His throat constricted as he tried to speak and a tear crashed down his face. “Can I come in?”
Interactions
Bellz Harper
BasDorcha Jeremy
Misty Gray Spencer, Kerry