Critic Ham
Pundit too Angry to Die
The Doom Marine
I walked into the shack with a doll gripped in my hand. My other held a pistol as not to panic the child further. My memories about social conduct told me it was a bad idea to walk into a building with any weapon, but eons of rampaging through Hell drowned it out. However, bad idea or no, when I walked in, Dipper was nowhere in sight. I looked around in case he was hiding somewhere or for that Ford fellow he mentioned.
There were various objects in the shack. Snowglobes, puzzles, shirts, and other typical gift shop items were displayed on shelves, racks, and counters. I narrowed my eyes as I briefly examined each one. No demonic sigils, pentagrams, or blood was present. It was just a regular gift shop. Huh, perhaps the kid got ahold of something he shouldn’t have and transported me here. Accident or no, some scolding was in order. The guardian too for their failure in keeping their child safe.
However, before I could move on to search the shop further, something brushed against my leg. I glanced down to see a quadrupedal animal oinking at me. Its oinks didn’t sound aggressive like it was attempting to defend its territory. Rather, it was more like delight?
…
Where have I seen this animal before?
I grasped the creature’s undersides, mindful of my own strength. Oddly, I didn’t need to put in as much restraint as usual. I shrugged it off, opting to stare into the beady eyes of the creature still oinking. I swore I have seen this species of animal somewhere before. My memories tossed a few names around. Road hog, swine, piggie, pig. Something along those lines.
The door to the shack creaked open and out of reflex, I cradled the pig in one arm while whipping around to aim my pistol at the entity stepping in.
…
It was a female dressed in an armored maid outfit. Red-green hair that spiked out anime style towards her hips, a patch over one eye while the other was an emerald green. The pupil for some reason was target shaped. A camo scarf was wrapped around her neck. That’s supposed to be winter gear yet it was summer from what I could tell. Something about her motions though gave off a mechanical feeling.
Another creature made itself known. It was small, no larger than a typical rodent, but stood on two legs making it appear larger. Unlike normal rodents, however, this one was yellow and black colored with a lighting bolt-shaped tail giving it a electrical theme. It appeared worried and confused. Worried for what, I didn't know, but the confusion likely stemmed from whatever was happening. So, count one person and one rodent having no clue what's happening.
It also took me a couple seconds to process that I was also cradling a pig while aiming a pistol at a young female and a small rodent.
…
Well, this was awkward.
2Bornot2B marc122 thatguyinthestore M mystery Shack Crew
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