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Realistic or Modern Cities Never Sleep

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Let's Fall in Love



FINNEAS








Graham Byrne



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So, Graham was in therapy now. And they were working on his rock bottom self-esteem and the whole idea that he “deserves happiness” or whatever. Well, this would’ve all gone over way smoother if he had access to liquid courage, but apparently drowning in alcohol was “unhealthy” (tell that to his family) and was “unneeded” and besides… he needed to be sharp.

Alcohol, unfortunately, dulled the senses and even though he kind of really wanted to drink at the sight of Max’s morose teenage phase – seriously, was shittily wearing all black with no sense of fashion a rite of passage for teenagers – and he was positive that the teenager would welcome the drinking as an ice breaker, he decided against it ultimately.

He wasn’t going to inflict the culturally ingrained alcoholism onto his ward for the time being… That could come later after the big talk that they were going to have about communicating openly with friends.

Graham started signing to Max, he’d gotten better at grasping American and British sign. Though, he did have to say that he was fairly certain that words would sometimes get mixed up, and he signed in a different style – its own form of accent, he supposed.

“Make yourself comfortable, do you want anything to drink? Eat?” He signed to Max. “I have a couple of other friends coming, you’ll like them. When… when Aoife… died, I let all of my friendships go, and it really compounded my issues when I felt like there was nobody who actually wanted me for me.”

According to his therapist, his friends had all been very surface-level anyways, but that wasn’t really necessary for this conversation. And he was still working on that last part.

“Don’t make that mistake as well.” And with that there was a knock on the door. “My friends knocked, you should mingle. Sign with them. They know ASL, it’ll be a good bonding experience. Keep your mind open. Don’t immediately run.”

He stood and walked over to where he opened the door, keeping himself carefully positioned so that Max couldn’t see who was at the door.

The Bible immediately caught his eye.

“... Are you actually doorknocking?” Graham asked, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. “Trying to convert me to your religion?”

He let it hang just long enough to allow tension to build. “I’m just fecking with y’all. I just chatted with him a bit, trying to prep him for the emotional assfuck-”

Graham stopped talking before he said something that maybe Josh’s precious virginal ears wouldn’t be able to handle.

“-Anyways, come on in.” Trying to quickly scurry past the swearing as he allowed them in. The apartment was warm, despite the kind of shitty complex he lived in, he seemed to make an effort at least to have a comfy sofa and chairs. There was also a dog that slept in a corner, and a lot of plants hanging from the ceiling.

Graham allowed them to come in. “Kick off your shoes, you want some water?” Signed as well as spoken.

“Max don’t run, they just want to communicate with you.” Graham signed, taking a small stand by the door just in case he tried to run.






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Max




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(TW: Internalized homophobia.)

“No, thank you…” Max replied awkwardly when Graham offered him something to eat or drink, with a wan smile and a glance downward that instantly betrayed that he was once again lying. In truth, he hadn’t had anything to eat since early yesterday; he’d been far too distressed and despondent lately to have any appetite. "I'm alright."
He watched from the corner of Graham’s couch, politely folding his hands in his lap, while his tall redheaded friend and confidant explained that he had a few more friends coming by to visit. Max recoiled, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as soon as he said this, but nodded. It couldn’t really be so bad, right? Besides, Max desperately needed social interaction after isolating himself for the past month. This was the first time in a couple of days that he’d been outside of his own room. It showed in the dark circles under his eyes, his overall gaunt and disheveled appearance, that his state of mind was starting to pitch towards even more worrisome depths. The uncharacteristically emo wardrobe that he'd adopted only served to accentuate what a shell of himself he'd become.
Max looked sick.

“I have a couple of other friends coming, you’ll like them. When… when Aoife… died, I let all of my friendships go, and it really compounded my issues when I felt like there was nobody who actually wanted me for me.”

It was obvious, inherently, why the last few words that rolled off of Graham’s arms resonated deeply with Max. He’d been avoiding his own friends, Graham included, ever since Halloween pushed him into this phase he’d become stuck in ever since. Graham was the first one that he’d finally started to reach out to again over the last few weeks, but he was still shying away from the rest of his social circle.
“I understand.” His finger flicked up beside his forehead, with a tentative nod. “Not that I… I haven’t lost anyone, but separating from friends, I mean… I understand that. Sometimes it just feels like my problems are… infecting them, you know?”

Graham told him that there was a knock at the door: the friends he’d invited, of course. Max straightened up his sitting position on the couch, preparing himself to offer a polite greeting and engage in some surface-level small talk, enough to convince these new people that he wasn’t a total wreck. He was sure, though, that anyone that Graham thought well of couldn’t be that bad. Maybe they’d even be nice.

It wasn’t until Graham stepped back away from the front door that Max was able to see who it was that had arrived.

His heart sank into his stomach.

Abby. Josh. Mary.

Abby’s face seemed to fall with sadness, or perhaps concern, as soon as she met his eyes, and instantly he felt his breath stop and his lungs tighten with shame. Abby, his best friend from the psychiatric hospital, the one he always used to share his deepest secrets and insecurities with… and now they hadn’t spoken to each other in over a month.

Mary, likewise... she'd come to talk to him in the library at school a few times, but he'd become so distant with her that their recent conversations had been hollow and empty. She was worried about him, just like Abby was, and all Max ever did was exacerbate that by hiding behind hie false promises that he was doing fine. There was no way he could ever tell Mary what was really happening.

And Josh… the sight of the bible in Josh’s hand struck Max like a punch in the eyes.
Everything about the way Josh was dressed today gnawed Max’s brain with the words of Leviticus, dragging him back to that storm in July, the day that he and Josh first met: it was the same, wasn’t it? the crisp black jacket, the cuffed sleeves…
…The pants.
Those tight form-fitting slacks had been haunting Max’s most shameful dreams since the summertime, since that fateful day at the Jones Family’s bible study group. Josh, most likely thinking nothing of it, had worn those same pants here. It was sick, really, the way that Josh didn’t know, couldn’t know, absolutely mustn’t ever know those deep vile recesses of Max’s thoughts, but they were still hurting Josh, weren’t they?
When they held hands in the church, when they hugged each other at the hospital, when they kissed… oh god, the kiss. That one stupid little kiss meant nothing to Josh and would bite at Max’s heart until the grave. It was like Max was bleeding out on the inside every time he remembered how it felt to have his lips touch another boy’s for the first and last time in his life, and always then remembered the way Josh kissed Abby with twice as much passion just a few minutes afterward; as if to cement exactly how little he saw in Max.
They were always together now, Josh and Abby… even today, Josh and Abby arrived together, probably walked here together... they were happier, probably, without Max trailing around after them like a flea-bitten stray dog.

Why were they here? Why now? Why now!?
Why had Graham done this?
Max looked as though he were about to faint. He’d turned paper-white, his hands trembling at his sides.
He wanted to run, to disappear, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything but stand there and stare at the people he’d hurt with his own wretched disease of the mind, unable to escape from the web of mistakes that he’d woven.

“I’m so sorry. You guys… I’m so, so sorry…” The word sorry repeated over and over again until it seemed to have no meaning, his closed hand circling by his chest close enough for him to feel the rapid pounding of his own aching heart.

It was all he could do not to shed tears.







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mary jones






Mary watched as her brother stood next to Abby at the front of Graham’s door, his fingers twisting the spine of the Bible they had brought as a way to fool their parents into letting them out of the house. She could see the anxiety rising up in him as he stared blankly at the door before him, lighting sucking on his lower lip with anticipation for Graham to open the door. Despite knowing him all her life, it felt like she was only really starting to learn who her older brother was. Distinguishing his little habits like zoning off wasn’t just because he was useless or dumb (like she had thought and said over these many years), but instead his mind was racing a thousand miles an hour as he tried to collect something to speak into existence. The day they sat around the lunch table, mocking him for his daydreaming before he came back with his concerns about Max, it got Mary thinking to why her brother daydreamed so often.

Had it been because he had such a creative mind that he found peace in relaxing in his imagination rather than the world they lived in? Maybe he had poetic literature composed in his mind, and he was trying to find a way to bring these beautiful words to life? Or was it from all the many years of being pushed to the end of the line? Always the last one to be served up at meal times. His opinions and thoughts taken into consideration, but only once every other person within the household had their say. The quiet kid, struggling to overcome the fear of speaking to others, who stood at the back, pretending that everything was fine despite a broken arm because he was told not to cry by his brothers - and being Josh, he was respectful and honoured his siblings and family by heeding their commands.

Over these last few weeks, Mary was starting to see her brother in this brand new light. She saw the Joshua who was at home, and then the Joshua who was around Abby. And, in all honesty, the Joshua around Abby felt like the real Joshua. The one that had been hiding behind his family for all these years, fearful of seeing the day light. Mary liked this Joshua the best. This Joshua who wasn’t afraid of stepping out and speaking his mind, especially after travelling many places in his daydreaming explorations. So, when Graham opened the door, asking if they were actually door knocking, Mary could see that Joshua she was growing to adore shrink back, and the Joshua their family had shifted and created start to creep forward. He stood there for a moment, wide-eyed and his mouth hanging ever so slightly.

So, to help restart him, Mary gave Josh’s hamstring a nudge, causing the boy’s leg to spasm.

“Yes” the boy spoke into existence as if a snarky response had been dwelling in his mind but been too afraid to say out loud. If it was humanly possible, Josh’s eyes grew wider in a state of shock, looking back at Mary as if he could reach over and strangle the girl. “I mean - No,” he quickly retracted his statement, looking back at the giant brute “No.” He was a lot more confident in saying it this time around. A warm smile crept across Mary’s face, gazing at her brother with a newfound pride before looking back at Graham. As the Irish man began to explain how he was ‘prepping’ the boy, Mary couldn’t help but let a raspberry come out as she pressed her lips to suppress the laughter. There was just something about the combination of words that humoured her.

Upon entering the apartment, Joshua and Mary automatically slid off their shoes without hesitation and placed them to the side. The first thing Mary noticed, of course, was their friend who sat on the couch looking extremely mopey and lost for words. The second thing she noticed was the canine companion who snoozed in the corner of the room. Her face instantly lit up, a smile dragging ear to ear as she cooed a ‘puppppy’ in its direction; despite the fact the dog was quite obviously not a puppy. For many years she had been pleading her parents for a family dog, to which they insisted that it just wouldn’t work with their family dynamic and schedules. So if there was any opportunity to play or pat a dog, Mary was going for it.

No, focus Mary! she internally scolded herself as she regretfully tore her gaze away from the animal and to their friend, who was now apologising. The heartbreaking look on his poor face made Mary want to go and envelope him; wrap her arms around him and take away all the pain he was feeling. But, before she could do that, something surprising happened. Joshua opened his mouth and was the first to speak before anyone.

“We’re just really worried about you, Max” he explained, a slight pause in his words as he carefully picked out the best way to express their feelings without causing any harm or anxiety to the boy. And then Joshua said something so profound that even Mary stood there in awe of her brother’s choice of words. “You’re my friend.” he told the other boy. Friend. It was something they weren’t meant to have. Their parents drilled it into them from a very early age that they were to be a part of the world, but not of the world. Which meant never celebrating holidays, always striving to please Jehovah, and not following the ways of the world; and most definitely, never have friends.









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The Rebel






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While waiting for Alex to arrive Kenzie decided to climb up onto the roof, she was happy they had found this building a few months back as it quickly became their main hangout spot. The views were amazing once you climbed the fire escape and as she climbed she was glad she didn't have a fear of heights like her sister. Fears just made things boring.

As Kenzie sat on the edge, she allowed her feet to hang over the side of the building kicking them lightly as she hummed along to the song playing through her headphones. Movement below caught her attention and she looked down to see Alex waving at her cheerily. She loved that about Alex, no matter the time or day he was always in good spirits, always a smile present on his features. His presence always calmed her.

She took her headphones out as he climbed up and placed them back into her bag a soft smile present on her lips as she watched him approach her, the smile faltering as she noticed the concern on his features.

Do i really look that bad?

"Oh Im fine, just didn't sleep well" it wasn't technically a lie, she really hadn't slept much the night before she just left out that she had spent the morning bent over the toilet.

"How are you?" she asked him a slight tinge of concern could be heard in her tone of voice but a warm smile played on her lips. She knew this time of year was hard for Alex, a reminder of what he lost but like herself he tended to take a silent route when it came to his problems, never really discussing them and playing it off like everything was fine. No wonder they were best friends, both lacking the ability or desire to talk things out. She was sure someday they'd both end up having breakdowns due to this but at least they'd go through it together.





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Alex




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Guster



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"Right..." Nodded Alex, instantly skeptical of Kenzie's explanation that she didn't sleep well. Kenzie being sleep-deprived was a common occurrence-- they were both teenagers, after all, and a healthy sleep pattern was the last thing on either of their minds. This didn't seem like she was just a little tired, though. He didn't think he'd ever seen her this lethargic, and it worried him. This wasn't like her.

"If you're sure. You'd tell me if you weren't feeling well, right?" He didn't want to pressure her into sharing anything she wasn't ready to share. Maybe something was happening with her family, and she didn't feel comfortable telling him about it. He knew the Gallaghers, and knew that their family was fractured and dysfunctional. Kenzie's father was deep in some drug-related trouble, and her mother was... well, Kenzie didn't often talk about what happened to her mother. With that, Alex could sympathize. He didn't think he'd ever actually explained in detail how his own parents died.

"How are you?"
Of course, just as he thought that, Kenzie turned the question around on him. Now it was his turn to come up with an excuse for not being his usual self.
For a few seconds, Alex, froze, blinking wordlessly, trying to come up with an acceptably casual for his friend that wouldn't sound like he was just bluffing to protect her visibly fragile emotional state. He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want her to think that he wasn't okay, or that he needed her support, but at the same time, he couldn't lie. It'd be obscenely hypocritical of him to expect honesty and openness from her while being so flippant and nonchalant about his own troubles. "...School is kicking my ass." He said finally, with a shrug. There. At least that wasn't a lie. Good job, Alex. "I'm psyched for winter break, aren't you? I mean, holy shit, this semester has been crazy. I almost wish Carol would write another play just to give us something chill to do. If I have to retake that Chemistry midterm I'm gonna lose it."

"And hey, speaking of things to do..." Alex turned around to face Kenzie more closely, playfully nudging her elbow. "Did you hear about the wedding happening out on the edge of city? Ashley Park's dad, and, uh... I think the bride is also someone from school's mom. Anyway, the whole thing's an open invite, and I hear they got an open bar at the reception. Whaddaya say we score some drinks and give the newlyweds our blessing? Or would that be too tacky, even for us?" He was laughing now, mostly out of relief that he'd successfully steered the conversation away from their emotional wellbeing. Who would've thought that small-talk could be so fraught?

"So do you wanna go or what? Hey, if you'd rather not, we could just head to Stardust instead..."





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TW: Injury, Broken Bone (Potentially)



















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"Off course I'd tell you" she told him with a soft yet genuine smile on her lips, even though her words were not. She honestly wasn't sure why she didn't tell him the truth, there was something about opening up that made her anxious and uncomfortable, a feeling that nawed at her stomach that she couldn't shake. Now she knew she could rely on Alex, he was her best friend after all, she trusted him completely and yet here she was lying about feeling sick.

Maybe i do need therapy

Kenzie nodded when Alex gave his reasoning about school kicking his ass, she didn't believe him for a second but she knew she couldn't push considering she had just shut him down seconds before hand when he asked her the exact same question. "Yeah i can't wait for winter break, so sick of school" she agreed before laughing at his comment about Carol. "Fuck no dont let that woman write anything ever again"

When Alex mentioned crashing the wedding a mischievous glint flashed in Kenzie's eyes as a devilish smirk played across her lips, tilting her head slightly as though in thought but one look at the girl would confirm that she was both highly amused and plotting something quite daring. "Nah i think we definitely should go to watch Ashley and Oliver cry about the marriage" she said cheerily, as though she had said the nicest thing she possible could. "and also free booze yanno" she added as an afterthought when realistically it was the main reason she approved this plan.

"right let's go do this" Kenzie grinned nudging Alex before standing up and making her way over to the fire escape to climb down. "So do you think ......" looking back up towards Alex was a vital mistake as Kenzie missed her footing on her climb down, she felt her foot kick the metal before her body slipped, falling straight down onto the hard ground below her. Thankfully it wasnt too far of a fall, however, the sickening crack that she heard from her arm was more than enough to result in a pained scream falling from her mouth. Scared to move, Kenzie remained lying on her side as tears welled in her eyes. Dont cry, dont cry, dont cry





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abigail hargreaves






The sight of Max was a lot for Abigail to take in, he was dressed unlike himself, wearing a get-up of all black, with a grey jacket on. Whatever had happened to cause him to withdraw from the friend group as he did definitely took a toll on him, much worse than what the lack of presence took on Abby herself. It was quite nice to see Graham again though, his sarcastic comments towards Josh and his bible were very characteristic of him, and it was reassuring that their friendship hadn't changed much.

As the group stepped inside the apartment, Max looked up and noticed who entered, there was something in his eyes that was similar to a deer in headlights, being in a complete panic, but frozen in place. Without hesitation, the boy began signing that he was sorry, over and over again, it was a familiar sight, but it confused Abigail because there wasn't anything for him to be apologizing about.

Josh was the first person to respond to Max, reassuring him that the trio was simply just worried about him since they hadn't really interacted since the Halloween party, "We’re just really worried about you, Max." His hands move in almost one fluid motion. That was when he said something that even Abigail had never seen him say before, "You're my friend."

At that moment, Abigail had let a smile slip onto her face, knowing that Josh was growing as a person, especially in his newly and openly declared friendship made her very happy. She decides that maybe right now should be a moment for the two to share, that standing idly, and nodding occasionally, next to Josh for the moment as moral support for the two would be sufficient enough at this time.


 
MOOD: Chill

OUTFIT:  Something weddingy

LOCATION: Kingdom Hall
basics
MENTIONS:

Ashley, Josephine tamarapasek tamarapasek

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Oliver Chimney Swift Chimney Swift


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TL;DR: Wedding!!
tl;dr
Dustin Thackery
All the best people have gone mad
Dustin ambled about the Kingdom Hall, hands stuffed in his pockets as he glanced around curiously. Boring as it was, he was happy enough to escape. The last hour or so was thanklessly spent helping his mother lug all the catered food to the venue. He'd left Deirdre buzzing around nervously as she was getting everything ready to go for the reception, and it was clear the woman was having second thoughts about volunteering to cater this affair.

At the very least, she was stressed out to her limit at the task of trying to feed a growing number of guests at an open-invite event with no clear estimate to the amount that would actually be in attendance. She'd already snapped at the boy numerous times, finally shooing him from her sight out of stress and sheer annoyance.

So the mop-haired boy found himself wandering around by himself, taking in the sights of the drab yet rather unfamiliar house of worship. Dustin himself wasn't brought up in a religious family, and he always kind of assumed Ashley and Oli grew up the same way. But now their parents were getting married, as recent Jehovah's Witness converts no less. Dustin wondered if his friends would be forced to canvas the city, knocking on doors trying to spread their new religion like the quiet and austere Jehovah's Witness kids they went to school with.

If so, he couldn't wait to tease Ashley about her exciting new, unpaid position as a door to door Jehovah saleswoman.

More people were starting to file into the Kingdom Hall, milling around before taking their seats for the ceremony. Dustin stopped short upon spotting Josephine walking in with her beau, fresh out of prison. While she seemed to be in pretty good spirits, Dustin couldn't take any more sobbing from his diner coworker. "Give her a break, she's pregnant and hormonal," Deirdre would remind her son if he complained about the poor girl, basically crying for an entire month straight when Alexei was locked up. Dustin decided to play it safe and simply pivot, carrying on in the opposite direction.

In his aimless wandering, he eventually came upon Oliver with his infant stepbrother. Tony was gurgling and babbling in his stroller, looking contented enough for the moment, while Oli paced around nervously as he waited for the two ring bearers to be summoned for their role in the ceremony.

"Oli, you okay?" Dustin asked as he approached the pair. Scratching his forehead, he eyed Oliver with an increasing level of concern. "You look like you're about to hurl.."
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Alex




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"So do you think ......"
Kenzie never finished her sentence.
Just as the two friends were about to head out to crash a wedding, suddenly Kenzie's foot slipped out from under her on the fire escape and she tumbled down the flimsy metal staircase to the concrete below. She screamed in pain, loud enough that it pierced right through Alex's lungs and ripped away his ability to speak, as all the blood in his veins turned to ice.
No.
No, no, please no, God, no...

From then on, everything in Alex's memory seemed to move in flashes, like snapshots from a camera, rapidly flipping back and forth between Kenzie lying on the sidewalk and foggy half-remembered images of his parents' wrecked car on the side of the road. There was no fire to be seen, but he smelled smoke all the same. "Wait!! Whoa, whoa, hang on!! Don't move Kenzie. Don't move." Alex sprinted down the fire escape after his fallen friend, so fast that he ran the risk of falling himself. She lay crumpled on the sidewalk, unmoving except for her rapid panicked breathing. Was she concussed? She was conscious, at least, and it didn't look like she was bleeding-- not that any of that was enough to convince Alex that this wasn't life-or-death. "Hey, Kenz? Kenz, can you hear me?" It's me, Alex. I'm here with you. I'm going to get you help. Stay with me. Please."

It was then that he noticed that one of her arms was bent at an odd angle. His face went blank, his eyes blurring out of focus and almost rolling back in his head.

"...Oh. Oh, caspita..."

It was understandable, perhaps, for Alex to be easily disturbed by arm injuries. Especially considering his own situation.
Praying that Kenzie's back wasn't injured, he slid his real arm under her shoulders and his prosthetic arm behind her knees, struggling to lift her up and start carrying her down the sidewalk. The emergency room wasn't too far away; he could get her there in time. She wasn't going to die, she wasn't going to die...


They arrived at the North Washington Medical Center ten minutes later, hurrying through the revolving doors to be met by a rush of emergency personnel, taking the injured girl from Alex and wheeling her away on a stretcher. Questions about what had happened to her rushed at him far too fast for him to process and answer coherently.
He hadn't been in this hospital since...
He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to pay any attention to where he was. He kept trying to pretend he was just in an empty void, his vision tunneling until Kenzie was the only thing he agreed to see clearly. If he could just pretend that Kenzie was the only thing right now that really existed, and everything else would just fade to grey, he could get through this. That was the only way to stay sane.






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Oliver




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Though he was far from alone in the hallway, Oliver was still startled by Dustin’s appearance, jumping back like a spooked rabbit and raising his arms to shield his face. It took him a couple of seconds to recognize that it was just his friend and neighbor, one of the few people that he was always reasonably sure would never be a threat. Slowly, he lowered his arms back down, sheepishly fidgeting with his sleeve cuffs.

"Oli, you okay?" Asked Dustin, prompting a silent quizzical head tilt from the ghostly teen, "You look like you're about to hurl."

“No,” Oliver replied flatly, unable to give his friend more than a barely-audible monosyllabic answer. His brain wasn’t prepared to respond to a question or even process anything unrelated to sea turtles right now. It wasn’t clear, contextually, which part of Dustin’s original comment he was answering– whether his answer meant ‘No, I’m not okay’ or ‘No, I’m not going to hurl’, but he was in no state to clarify that it was both

“I wish my mom was solitary.” He said suddenly, his brain drifting into yet another turtle-related non sequitur. He paced back and forth, trailing his hand against the wall, but never strayed too far from Dustin and Tony’s stroller. “Sea turtles are solitary. They don’t… they’ll usually n-never interact with a mate again after the fact. And th-they don’t gather in groups, except for Ridleys and that’s only to lay eggs. If my mom and Ashley’s dad were sea turtles, then… then they’d never have even met either of us. Also we’d both statistically be probably dead right now.” The fact that he sounded supremely unbothered by the prospect of dying as a sea turtle hatchling was to be expected of Oliver at this point. He rattled off marine reptile facts to stay calm, and seemed oblivious to how grim some of his trivia could be.

The brutality of nature didn’t worry him much at all, but the twisted and convoluted webs of civilization were viscerally disturbing. That was why this wedding terrified him far more than hiding a dead body in the harbor did last week. Oliver's morals weren't always the most sound, but at least they were internally consistent.

“I don’t like church.” Once again, he had bounced onto another train of thought with no preamble. “I hate it here.” His mother had been making him and Ashley come here every week to long and arduous religious services that Oliver didn’t understand the rules of. He’d never even read any version of the Bible; he didn’t grasp the messages that were trying to be delivered and he hated the social intensity of it all. More often than not, he’d end up trying to hide in the bathroom until it was over, even if it meant getting screamed at later. It was better than being the one to break down in the middle of some sermon… nothing good ever happened in this place. It was as though coming here assured disaster. Oliver groaned to himself, fidgeting with his hair and anxiously nudging Tony’s stroller with his foot. “...Dustin, I want to leave. We should leave.”







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NOVEMBER 11TH.

Dante was really confused about what was happening. He’d gone from a particularly depressing life of work and more work and even more work, and become the kind of person who was carefully balancing two flings at once.

Susan was a good asset to have, after all. It was good to have someone even if that someone complained about her cats a lot. No I mean, like, a lot. And no, he was not starting to grow a little bit fond of her, but he had decided that he was going to continue obfuscating his age for as long as possible, thank you.

Hey, listen, his personal life might be slowly going up in smoke because the supposedly one time fling with Ren was turning more into a continuous dance where attachments were slowly forming, but at least he was still doing his job. It took a bit longer than he thought, but he’d managed to get his bosses off the hook for murder suspect, made their bail and all that.

Hooray!

Speaking of which, Dante was attending the wedding, not because he had any deep seated desire to attend a wedding, but more because there was an open bar and he got all the free shit he could.

And while he was sipping champagne and quietly excusing himself from some old fucks talking to him about whatever investments they’d made that year, he ran straight into Ren.

They stared.

Dante grinned. “Ren. Nice to see you.”

Silence.

Should… Ren… Ren should be talking by this point, right? Usually the guy couldn’t shut up if it saved his life but…

This was awkward and weird, but to be fair they were an awkward and weird pair… It usually wasn’t this kind of strange, though.

And then Ren spit up a necklace, exchanged some pleasantries. Some… flirting. Dante lightly smacked the hand away with two fingers. No touchy in public, even if that was a normal thing for Ren to do.

“Necklace.” An outstretched hand, Dante held it up to the sun, examining the necklace carefully.

“... A fake.” He concluded, handing the necklace back. “Come on, if you wanted something pretty I’d just pick something up for you.”

Slight curl of the lips, a crooked smile before it vanished once more. “No mangoes this time?”

Because Ren had started a very strange ritual where the man would give mangoes to Dante with every visit. Was that… was that a gay thing? Was this some sort of weird sex ritual that only occurred with gay people? Was Ren… into food like that?

What did food sex even entail? Whatever it was, it didn’t seem very hygienic...

“I’m disappointed” He didn’t even really like mangoes all that much, but he appreciated the thought.

A pause. "As for the stalking accusation... Open bar.”

Small grin as he tilted the champagne glass towards Ren before downing the rest of the bubbly alcohol.

“Anyways… Why are you here? Doesn’t really seem to be your… scene.”























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Let's Fall in Love



FINNEAS








Graham Byrne



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Graham was never a big “sharing his feelings” kind of guy, and he didn’t really expect anyone that he interacted with to be particularly close with sharing their feelings either. Sometimes, people needed an ear, sometimes people just needed some love.

That was really all Graham did, to be honest. And he knew when a conversation was not going to really include him all that much. Didn’t really mind it, because this was most likely very needed. A little deception went a long way, after all - direct confrontation was always better than letting things fester uncomfortably

He knew, after all, he was the king of letting things fester uncontrollably beneath the surface while pretending everything was fine

Graham looked down and nudged Mary in the side. “Let’s give them some privacy, lo-lass.”

Caught himself very carefully to censor for the 16 year old. Best to not have her think that he was hitting on her or anything. “Balcony?”

He gave a low whistle, the dog perked up and trotted behind its owner as he stood and left with a cup of coffee, pulling a chair for Mary as he sat down, allowing her to have the seat closest to the door.

His dog laid at his feet, seemingly happy that his owner had returned as its little tail wagged. It was a small dog, probably for the best considering he lived in an apartment, it was a silvery gray and it was most definitely some kind of terrier as Graham bent over.

“Sea, is buachaill maith tú. Tháinig tú nuair a glaodh.” Graham’s tone suggested that he was doing the baby talk to his dog. The dog was picked up and placed in Graham’s lap where it immediately started jumping for his face in trying to lick it as Graham very gently fought the beast as it managed to settle down. “This is Ciaran. Your name’s Mary, yeah?”

And then Graham raised the dog’s paw to give a little wave and spoke in a high falsetto. “Hi Mary”

A stupid grin as he looked up from his tortured animal, looking awfully proud of himself for that genuinely awful joke before settling back into his adult mode. "I think they're gonna be at it for a while. Lots of pent up emotions in there, gonna be a fecking bloodbath till they can get it all out of their systems... Times like these I wish I smoked sti-"

He seemed to realize that he was talking to an impressionable youth

"-no actually I never smoked. Don't smoke. It's bad for your lungs. And it tastes awful. And you'll ruin your teeth and your fingernails and your lungs and your throat and your mouth. It looks cheesy. Stay in school. Don't do drugs."

Nailed it.

He changed the subject quickly because he was definitely not going to advocate for a nicotine addiction in front of a teenager.

“You’re in high school, yeah? How’s that goin for ya?”






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LOCATION: Kingdom Hall
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tl;dr
ashley park
I would need a million words if I tried to define all the things you mean to me
"Where the FUCK are you?" Ashley hissed into her phone, creeping around the outside of Kingdom Hall, desperately attempting to avoid being entasked with some dumb errand by either her dad or soon-to-be-step family. Her main consolation in this godforsaken affair had been that she'd been able to bring along her sorta-but-is-she-really-friend Ivy as her plus one and partner in crime. So given her luck, of course the bitch was running late. She leaned against the back wall of Kingdom Hall, sinking to the ground as low as her heinously binding dress would allow her.

After some assurance that her sister-bestie would indeed be there soon, Ashley hung up with a sigh. Despite doing nothing but seethe and bitch about it, Ashley was no closer to fully processing the depths of how awful this whole arrangement even was. And truthfully, she doubted she eve would. It was likely just a sick reality of life that whenever she thought her Dad had reached his limits in disappointing her, he'd find a way to excell. First the downright neglect, then pushing her into some weird maternal role for baby Tony while he "hustled" or whatever the fuck he did late at night when he left his kids alone, and then it was sticking her in a closet while he tried to get with Oliver's mom. Who the fuck did he think she was? Mark? And even then, he wasn't done letting her down. No, he had to marry Oliver's old-ass bitch of a mother, become a Jehovah's witness, stick her with a bunch of siblings she didn't even like + Oliver, introduce an ugly hyphenated last name, stick the bridesmaids in a floral monstrosity of a dress, and force the entire family into moving away from Chalamet into some shitty suburb. If this was Jehovah's big plan as Eileen always insisted? Then fuck Jehovah, and all of his 20 witnesses.

As she peeked out on the incoming guests from the front of the hall, debating whether she should suck it up and find Oliver and Tony, she spotted the Thackery's lugging food into Kingdom Hall. She quickly ducked out of sight, resolved to stay as far away from them as possible. There was absolutely positively no way in hell she was letting Dustin see her in her dress.

Any other day, she would take their flirty-but-seriously-just-friends banter in stride. But not today. Not when Ash was already in a horrendous mood. Not to mention that despite her gremlin-hood, Ashley was still just a teenage girl. A teenage girl with a massive crush on a boy who was about to see her walk down the aisle in the fugliest dress known to mankind just because Daddy told her she had to. The mere thought of it made her want to throw up, right into the perfectly planted Sequoias she was currently crushing with her bare feet. In a way it was beautifully ironic. That in a wedding, there was a death to the idea that Dustin was ever going to think of her without cackling at how ridiculous she looked.

RIP: Ashley's Dignity
(1998-2013)
Nobody's ever marrying the Human Cupcake now.

She peeked once more at the entrance to Kingdom Hall, noticing her Sister Bestie finally standing there in her diminuitive glory. After ensuring Dustin was not in her line of sight, she bounded over to Ivy, grabbing her arm. "Oh thank God, the stripper nun's here." She breathed an overdramatic sigh of relief, clutching her chest in performative delight. "But seriously, you're just in time. They're about to start marching in, and you can throw a banana peel down the aisle or something."

A lame prank, admittedly but seeing Eileen slip 'n slide her way down the aisle would make this cursed affair much more bearable.

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Max




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(TW: Internalized homophobia.)

Max felt his heart turn into glass and shatter at Josh’s affirmation of friendship.

Joshua’s kind words were contradictory, hypocritical almost, to the black leather-bound holy book that he held tucked under his arm. His hands said “You’re my friend,”; and the book said, “it is an abomination. They shall be put to death; their blood is upon them.”

This wasn’t what Joshua himself said either, was it? At Bible Study, in the storm… just minutes before taking Max’s hand all the same and holding it as though he cared about him.

“We’re not… meant to live like this world… We are not of this world, so shouldn’t live like we do… So, to be friends with anyone that doesn’t believe or follow Jehovah’s laws… it’s… It’s not really what… we do… I suppose.”

Why did Joshua keep contradicting himself? One minute he was confirming that his God’s hatred for Max’s affliction forbade them from being friends, the next they were holding hands. One minute they were kissing on the floor of Mallory Hawke’s house, the next Josh’s lips were interlocked with Abby’s…

It wasn’t just that Josh would never love Max, no matter how gently he held his hand or how sweetly he kissed him. It hurt deeply, but Max knew that Josh would never think of Max in the way that Max thought about him. What hurt Max a thousand times more was knowing how horrified, disgusted, and enraged Josh would be to know that Max loved him. How dare Max be so depraved as to love him? So vile, filthy, degenerate, sinful…

“--SHUT UP.” His fingers snapped closed like a vise, his icy blue eyes flashing with fury.
He wasn’t talking to Josh though, or to Abby, or to Graham or Mary.
He was talking to himself, of course; the only person he could ever hate enough to speak to that way.

“You… you don’t mean that, do you? You don’t mean it, Josh.” Just as quickly as it came, all the fury was gone, disappeared into thin air like a flash of lightning, and now his hands were shaking and his eyes were brimming with tears that threatened to spill down his face at any moment. “You can’t be friends with me. Mary can’t be friends with me. That’s not… what you do.”
Max had no idea if the repetition of Josh’s words from almost six months ago would even resonate with Josh anymore. Perhaps he wouldn’t even remember saying that. It could have already slipped from his mind, like any other unimportant thought… but in Max’s head, those words had become a mantra. But maybe it wouldn’t be enough to convey to him what he was trying to say.

“And Abby, you shouldn’t be friends with me either, or Graham… Graham already knows, but none of you should have anything to do with me. I lied. I lied for a long time.” He didn’t know if he could even bring himself to say what he knew he had to, at least not without passing out or throwing up. Because as soon as he said this, he was going to lose all the friends he ever had in the world. Not just Josh and Mary and Abby, but May, Jenny, Jo, Raven… everyone. Everyone was going to turn their backs on him for his lies. They were going to know just what kind of incurable infection plagued every atom in his body, and they’d no longer be able to conscience being around someone like him. He knew that. He didn’t doubt it for a second, no matter how many people had said things to him that contradicted that assumption. Contradictions, of course, were second nature to Max by now.

He had to tell them. Josh and Abby were good people; better people than Max could ever hope to be. They’d both been so kind to him in the time that he’d known them. They had a right to know exactly what he was, and a right to decide to protect themselves from the contagion of social rejection.

“I should’ve told you this when I first met you.”

Slowly, painfully, as if the contact with his own skin burned him, his thumb and forefinger delicately tapped against his chin.

“I’m gay.”







♡coded by uxie♡
 





























DECEMBER 1ST.

Curt redirection of his hand had intentions withdrawn, understanding Dante’s sentiment.

No touchy.

Defensive little bastard.

It shouldn’t surprise Ren, the principle of their entanglement. Existing in their life only under a dominion of secrecy, it was a serrated blade of rationality that heeded for caution. A plague that tarried Ren’s mind in quiet moments, how their affairs demanded no devotion, divined with a blessing of zero labels or expectation.

And everything was perfect that way.

Never mind that it had been months since their “only a one-time thing”, that he laid awake with his phone in hopes they would finish work early, and that he wandered shops like a dumb housewife to scour perfect produce for Dante. Perhaps Ren sometimes forgot, distracted from vigilance and the public-eye, that their association with each other was only real when shrouded in shame and hidden from sight.

He could stave the splinters of denial pinching under his skin by accepting he was fond of Dante. Fond like a friend. A friend who needed more Vitamin C.

Yet walking this charade, it felt as if there was something missing. A lapse to the scene in which frames stuttered and rewound over a portion cut from view. Hand recoiled but lingering desire to inch closer, inability to touch settled a foreign weight to his shoulders.

A troubling emotion.

Ignore it.

Whittled to a point, he knew they owed each other nothing. Not time nor fruit, not bed nor jewellery. And he did not owe Dante the necklace, yet surrendered the tacky possession into their palm all the same. With no more than a guilty mumble of: “Lighten up Hotshot, I was just looking after it,” coal iris would lift to watch the lawyer brandish it in the light.

Hm. Magpie attention would flutter, a moth drawn to a lamp. Shiny.

Brows crimped at the intruding noise of a deduction, incredulous eyes sliding back to the man.

“You… know things about gems?” A gentle question teeming with an edge of dangerous intrigue. Whilst conclusion correct, the arrival of Ren’s favorite topic had him struggling, like usual, to shut the fuck up. Teeth printing lower lip, fissures of cracked composure almost divided into a canyon of word-vomit zeal. He managed to rationalise it would be cruel to unleash an archive of mineralogy onto the poor man, for greater issues were afoot.

Like if he was a sugar-baby.

Avidity faltering to their offer, flirt, joke?— he didn’t know, —but Ren did know he couldn’t directly ask the nature of their meetings without looking suspicious and putting the… research… at stake.

“You buy pretty things for all your pals?” Because that’s what they were, pals. “Or am I a special exception?”

It was no secret Dante had money, and it had become no secret that Dante wasn’t against throwing it towards useless things. Hot-chocolates and bad pasta, the residing concern their interactions were a transaction hadn’t yet dissipated. Ren already looked like a little jewel eating freak, he thought it could only improve from there.

He thought wrong.

The half-smile caught him like a fist to the temple, the question a strike to the gut.

No Mango?

Oh no.

Speared with alarm only a missing fruit could cause, skin would flood with ice and render speech obsolete.

Oh no oh no oh no no no no no.

No mango! None! Not even a measly pear to give to Dante!

Absentminded hands floated to pockets as if expecting fruit to materialise on the spot. He could solve this. He could handle this situation like a responsible and mature adult. Whirling through the five stages of grief in seconds, Ren reverted to what he always did when trapped in a difficult situation.

Say something wild.

“Frisk me and find out.”

Not that wild!

He’d disappointed Dante, sending a steep vertical drop through the chasm of his chest. Hazel eyes round with hunger, (the only logical reason why they’d ask about the absent mangoes), the lawyer must need his vitamins. Crave them, in fact. He would get withdrawals.

Little was panicky Ren aware that Dante was actually busy dwelling on the concept of fucking a piece of fruit.

“Maybe I like weddings.” Still reeling from the cruel reality he’d imposed on the lawyer: no mango, no vitamins, left so terribly hungry, Ren’s mouth should’ve been wired to a bomb for all the good it brought him. “Kidding. I-” I’m babysitting my cheese-loving mother and her little bald boyfriend. “I’m here with my…” a pause so easily read, he scrambled for a solution.

“Friend.”

That sounded weird.

“Not a special friend.”

That sounded more weird.

Drawing breath through his nose to flare lungs with some much-needed self-command, he’d grimace under its honesty and discard prior oath to sobriety.

“Mymomishere.” A rush barely audible, admittance was flintlock ignition for the rest of Ren’s rambling. “AnditsreallynotabigdealIdon’thaveamangobutImighthaveamelonbackatmyplaceifyouwantmetogogetitcauseIcanevencutitupforyouintolittlecubesorsomething.”

Feeling particularly high-strung and perhaps verging on some kind of mental breakdown over fruit, a hand swiped a glass from a passing tray before downing it without hesitation.

He hadn’t googled if men liked melons yet. This was unknown territory.
























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♡coded by uxie♡


 







joshua jones







trigger warning!
REAL jw content re: homosexuality (homophobia)​


“---SHUT UP”

The boisterous cry startled Joshua, making him completely freeze on the spot with his hands mid-air as he finished the sign for friend. This sudden outburst came as a surprise and odd fitting of the shorter, younger boy before them. And whilst Max may have intentionally directed his declaration to himself, anxiety flooded over Joshua, fearing that he had been talking to him. Heaviness sat upon his shoulders as regret hung over his head; why did he decide to be the first to talk?. Honestly, it had been a ridiculous, stupid move.

With a crack of whip, Max’s demeanour switched; once filled with rage was now flowing into overwhelming emotion as Joshua noticed the tears forming in the youth’s eyes and the shaking of his hands. His brow furrowed, trying to understand why Max was saying that he didn’t mean it. Of course, he had meant it. Why would he have said it if he didn’t mean it? And then the boy began to go around, selecting people and claiming they couldn’t be friends with them. Josh. Mary. Abby. One by one, he dismissed each of them from their friendship, declaring he was a liar. But why? And what did he mean about being a liar?

With each passing second, Joshua could feel his brows bury deeper into his forehead as he stood there with a confused complexion. Exactly what was Max talking about? Should’ve told them what? And then he said it. Those two words; I’m gay. Instantly, Joshua’s eyebrows which had been drawing downwards in bewilderment were flung upwards in a state of shock, much like a slingshot, being drawn back and then released with full force. Dark hazel eyes widened as if opening them wider would help with the shock of the confession. He was… gay? Joshua quickly gazed over at Abigial, sending her a look that could only be translated to did you know?!, before looking back once more at the boy before them.

His mind trickled back to those after-dinner bible studies his father would make them all sit down and read together. Reading from Watchtower and Awake!, his father would proudly quote each line as if he had boastfully written it himself. Eighteen years of sitting down and listening to the man he was meant to look up to and respect echoing words to describe those who sin - worldly people - in comparison to those who sought and followed Jehovah’s guidance. Those people would never come to know paradise, for they were covered in a blanket of shame, guilt, and uncleanliness.

Words echoed in Joshua’s mind, flickering past to every moment their father felt it was necessary to describe homosexuality to the Jones children over the many years; abhorrent, sexually degrading, unnatural, sordid, sexual perversion, sick and perverted, gruesome, violent, downright sadistic, a disgraceful sexual appetite, obscene, perverted desires, detestable to Jehovah, vile, repulsive and to top it all off; worthy of a death penalty. He could remember sitting on the floor, gazing up at his father and feeling such… pain. It felt awkward, and he wanted to squirm at the thought of being so mean to someone just because they were different. Which, if spoken, Joshua knew his family would bounce back to remind him contrary to what many think, homosexuals are not born that way, but their homosexual behaviour is learned, quoting Your Youth.

But Max was none of those things.

Joshua didn’t think was gruesome, perverted, sadistic, repulsive… so on, so forth. And most importantly, he didn’t think Max deserved the death penalty at all. Silence lingered for a moment, and as these words circulated through his brain, a burning sensation came from underneath his arm. The Bible - one used to throw their parents off their scent for the day - became so incredibly hot and heavy within that moment. This isn’t right a voice said to Joshua as he could feel the Bible slowly start to metaphorically burn his skin beneath his clothes. This doesn’t feel right at all. In a state of impulsive behaviour, Joshua allowed the book to slip from under his arm to his hand. Holding onto the spine of it, he then gave it a soft swing (as if attempting to be stealth) and released it from his hand; the heavy book, while he had hoped would land softly on the rug or couch, thudded against the floor as it slid out of view from the group. Oopps.

“I uh-” Joshua quickly spoke, signing once again as he did so, in hopes it was enough of a distraction from the Bible that now laid flipped over and open on the floor collecting dirt. “I had… I had no idea.” It was the truth. When it came to gaydars, Joshua’s was nonexistent. After all, wasn’t the goal in life was to treat others the way you’d wish to be treated? He paused for a moment once again, collecting and gathering his thoughts and words in the hope he could respectfully communicate with the boy who was sharing something so personal with them “I… I don’t see why… Why we can’t be friends, though?”







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Ivy




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the birthday massacre



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“I’m waddling as fast as I can, bitch!!” Ivy yelled into her phone as she attempted to run down the busy city sidewalks in high heels that were two sizes too big for her actual feet. Her impractical choice of footwear had her running a few minutes late to the event of a lifetime: Ashley’s sperm donor officially tying the knot with Turtle Boy’s turtle mom, by way of an extravagant open-invitation wedding ceremony… at the Jehovah’s Witness kingdom hall, no less. For whatever reason, be it attention-craving or a genuine spiritual calling from their cold rotten souls, Ashley’s dad had followed the lead of his bride-to-be in joining the religion. And though Ivy found this endlessly amusing as a bottomless source of mockery and jests at the expense of her beloved sister bestie, she also worried for her partner in crime (if someone as volatile as Ivy could be said to “worry”.) Try as she might, she couldn’t imagine a fate worse than being Turtle Boy’s sister…except maybe being Mark Berkinstock’s sister. At that point, Ivy would’ve just had to euthanize her friend to preserve her dignity.

“I’m almost there. I can see the dumb church-lady lawns so I gotta be getting close. I mean what do you want me to do, summon Jehovah to carry me?!?! Well, I’m sorry I’m not Holy Father’s Precious Virgin like you are, BESTIE.”

Finally, though, she arrived at the church; still with a few minutes to spare before the matrimonial proceedings were set to begin. Almost as soon as Ivy set foot through the doors of the decorated kingdom hall, she felt the worms inside her soul writhing in terror. She could feel it in the hallowed atmosphere’s vibrations, like a disturbance in the force: something unbelievably fruity had happened inside these four walls.
…Naturally, Ivy couldn’t really detect any of that. She just especially disliked being in places of worship. The stuffiness, the old people, the complete and utter lack of fun and chaos. If Hell existed, it would be a church. Bug and Raevlyn were sure to have a wild time adjusting when they arrived here.

It only took a few seconds after her arrival before she was found by her friend, the bridesmaid and soon-to-be stepsister of the school’s reptile nerd. Ivy returned Ashley’s panicked arm-grab with an overenthusiastic embrace, reaching up to pat poor Ashley’s head like she was a scared puppy. This was Ivy’s best attempt at being comforting, and of course, it didn’t last long before she launched back into her characteristic taunting.
“Ashley Turtle Boy - Park!!!” She declared, as loud as her laughter-filled lungs would allow. “Oh fuck, you look like nursing home curtains, I’m so sorry. Please tell me your dad’s matching. I want to see him in this print so bad.”

Her friend instantly began the suggestions of ways to ruin the nuptials with havoc and mayhem. “Banana peel!? Oh, Lord Jehovah! I would NEVER do something so uproariously UNHOLY,” Gasped Ivy, bringing her hands to her mouth in a mimicry of horror before rushing through a backwards sign-of-the-cross motion, “Besides, I stopped eating bananas in public ages ago. Don’t want people to think I’m gay or something.”

“Screw banana peels anyway. I brought something way better…” Giggling wickedly, Ivy slipped off her backpack and pulled open the zipper, gleefully rummaging through the overfull sack until she retrieved from its depths a large glass jam jar. The jar was filled to the brim with hundreds, possibly thousands, of live scuttling black ants.

“Say hello to your extended family.”






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TW: Mention of Needles, Broken Bone, vomit



















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The Rebel






Kenzie


























mood


Well it can't get worse ...






















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Alex






















tags


Chimney Swift Chimney Swift































Kenzie could hear Alex shouting, hear his voice coming from above her but she couldn't focus on the words he was actually saying to her, the pain in her arm and side seeming to block out all other senses. She finally understood the saying "blinded in pain and man could she relate.

She knew the pain was mostly coming from her arm, she had heard the crack and had seen Alex almost faint as he looked that direction and in that moment Kenzie made the executive decision to not look at it. Almost like a horse with blinders she kept her eyes forward, refusing to acknowledge it, if she didn't see it then it didn't happen. A childish way of thinking but she didn't care what I can't see, can't be real

She could see the fear in Alex's eyes, could hear it in his voice as he pleaded with her to stay with him, telling her she was going to be ok and Kenzie wanted to console him, confirm that she was in fact ok but she was afraid that any movement no matter how small would make her vomit from the pain. It was already taking all she had to keep her screams in, she was terrified that if she opened her mouth it would start again and she would never stop.

She was impressed at how quickly Alex had got her to the hospital and she made a mental note to tell him so later on but for now she was tired and she wanted to go to sleep and have the pain end, a peaceful silence for a few hours but as she immediately taken from Alex once entering the hospital and placed onto a stretcher, Kenzie knew that she was not in for a peaceful time ahead and the needle in her arm to take bloods confirmed that immediately.

*********************

Blinking her eyes open Kenzie looked around the room in confusion. Her eyes struggle to adjust to the harsh lightening and white sterile atmosphere. It took her longer than she would admit to realise that she in the hospital and once the realisation was made she looked down towards her arm, greeted by a horrible clunky cast from just above her elbow to the bottom of her fingers. Groaning outwardly Kenzie threw her head back against the pillow frustrated. Just great this was exactly what she needed.

Opening her eyes once more Kenzie turned her head to see Alex sitting beside her "Morning" she said cheerily as though she had just woken from a peaceful night sleep, pretending that it wasn't late in the evening by now.

"You doing ok?" she asked him as she slowly pushed herself up to a seating position, careful not to move her arm too much in fear of the pain starting again. While it seemed silly that Kenzie would be asking Alex is he was ok while she was in the hospital bed it hadnt passed Kenzie how difficult it must be for Alex to be back here, she understood that he was probably in pain just being present in this building and to Kenzie her friends mental state was more important that her arm.






♡coded by uxie♡
 







abigail hargreaves






Without a moments notice, Max's emotion seemed to switch from empty to angry, with the way that his hands snapped, you could tell he was yelling, "Shut up!" Almost instantly, his demeanor changes once more, back to a soft, caring look, the one that Abigail was used to seeing, but she could tell that there was something he was fighting internally.

He begins to point out about each one of the friends in their group, explaining why each of them shouldn't be friends with him, telling Abigail that he had been lying to her and Graham, and that he should've told them before. Her expression softens, waiting for the announcement of some dark and twisted secret that he had been keeping from them, but what was revealed was relieving.

"I'm gay."

This reveal seemed to shock Josh, but didn't phase Abby, she had always had this feeling in the back of her mind that Max wasn't straight, especially after the way she had seem him act around Josh. She didn't think anything of it, if anything, she thought that everyone knew, so it wasn't much of a big deal to specifically ask him.

Carefully, she made her way to the couch, sitting down next to Max and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. A gentle reassuring squeeze was given before she separated herself from him, scooting over a little bit so that he could see her hands as she spoke to him. "I.. I kind of figured that you were, but that doesn't change our friendship at all." Her hands move from their signing position to give his shoulder a squeeze.

Josh had questioned why they couldn't be friends, Abigail's eyes darted to meet his, wondering if he remembered what his religion was, what their beliefs were, and therefore the friendship would be looked down upon by his family. Was he having a change of heart? Hopefully so, it would be beneficial for all of them to move past the night at the church and all the pain that it had brought.


 






Alex




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Guster



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“Kenzie Gallagher?”

Two women entered the room one after the other, an orthopedic doctor and a nurse. The doctor walked right up to Kenzie and introduced herself, but the nurse hung back by the door, checking her clipboard and frowning. Alex had to admit that he wasn’t paying much attention to most of the medical jargon being passed back and forth. Just being in this room, with its sterile white bleach-scented atmosphere, was enough to nearly deafen him with anxiety.

“The bad news is that your radius is fractured in two places. You had a bad fall on those steps.” The doctor gestured to the cast on Kenzie’s arm, sighing and pushing her glasses up on the bridge of her nose. “The good news is that with a few weeks’ rest, you’ll make a full recovery. Try not to get the cast wet, move your arm too much…”

While this happened, Alex sat still as a statue by Kenzie’s side, his hand clasping hers tightly. This felt like the longest he’d ever gone in his life without saying a word. Normally he’d be full of quips and jests, trying his best to lighten the mood and make his friend feel better, but right now all he could do was just be there for her. If he opened his mouth, he was sure that there would be no air for him to speak. This god-forsaken hospital room felt like the empty cold vacuum of space, and it all seemed to get colder by the minute. God, how Alex wished they could just get this over with and get out of here before–

“One last thing, Miss Gallagher,” The nurse spoke up suddenly, her voice soft and sympathetic. Her tone already filled Alex with dread by itself. It was that tone of voice that people only used in an attempt to soften earth-shattering news… the tone of someone about to say something like ‘your parents are gone,’ or ‘we have to amputate your right arm’, but nothing could have ever prepared him for what came out of the nurse’s mouth next. She stepped forward and sat down on the chair opposite Kenzie’s bed, handing her a sheet of paper that turned her face just as white.

“We had a quick look at your labs while waiting for your x-ray results. Miss Gallagher. are you aware that you’re pregnant?”

“Kenz…” Alex, breathless and in shock, turned to face his friend in utter disbelief. The questions that flooded his mind, questions he couldn’t ask her… Whose is it? When did this happen? What is she going to do now? Is she safe? What’s her family going to say? Millions of thoughts started a cacophony of noise in his head, drowning out all clear conscious thought until he finally gasped out the one question he felt okay about asking her: “...How long have you known?”






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Max




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"I... I kind of figured that you were, but that doesn't change our friendship at all."

Max blushed crimson, relieved but terribly mortified at the same time. Had it really been that obvious, all this time that he and Abby had known each other? When did she figure it out? Did she know all the way back when they were stuck in the mental hospital together last fall, or did she learn later? Did someone tell her? Max was aware that some of his classmates at school were spreading dirty rumors about him, some with more seeds of truth than others, but could someone be going around telling everyone his most deeply held secret?

But even knowing this about him for all this time, even being given the chance to renounce their friendship and cast Max aside for his transgressions, Abby and Josh didn’t walk out the door on him. Instead, Abby gently squeezed his shoulder, sitting close beside him while Josh stood nearby in apparent shock. Max couldn’t help but notice, though, that the Bible had fallen from Josh’s hand, and was now lying splayed on the floor of Graham’s apartment like a dead bird.

“I had… I had no idea,” Signed Josh, and Max involuntarily sighed with relief. At least Josh didn’t know. Of course he didn’t know, or else he never would have worn those tight black dress trousers in front of Max’s depraved eyes again…
It made him sick, thinking of how he was about to have to tell Josh everything.
“I… I don’t see why… Why we can’t be friends, though?”

“Josh, your family. Mary. Your… your church.” Max’s reddened eyes briefly darted over to the abandoned bible on the floor, which seemed to glare back at him accusingly. “They wouldn’t want you to be around someone like me. What will they think? What if they think that you and I are… “

He paused abruptly, dabbing at his eyes with his sleeve to erase any sign of the trickles of saltwater that were starting to slide down his cheeks, starting onto his next humiliated apology with one hand. “I’m sorry. I never wanted you guys to see me like this. I’m pathetic, really. But then you said it yourself, and your family, they said… the things they said about people like me… I know you didn’t know. You didn’t know that I was one of those people, but I am. And it’s not just that.”

Max took a deep breath, turning a sickly shade of white.

“I just… Josh, when I saw you that day, it was like– I mean as soon as I met you. Right then, I knew it was… I kept dreaming about you holding my hand like you did back then. I couldn’t get it out of my head. I couldn’t get you out of my head. I thought I could hide it, or that it would just go away, but it didn’t. It didn’t go away.”

He was shaking now, unable to hide the tears anymore. His eyes glanced back and forth between his two friends, trying to find the courage to finish his confession, but he found he couldn't even make eye contact with either of them without feeling the guilt kick him in the ribs. He would’ve given anything in the world for Graham to come back into the room now, to rescue him from his humiliation just like he had back at the church…
But he didn’t. Graham didn’t come back in, and Max had to continue.

“And then I saw you kissing Abby at the party, and I knew… Josh, I’m in love with you.”

He had to stop talking to bury his head in his hands and let out a sob that wracked his entire thin frame. He felt his insides turn into quicksand, weighing him down with sickening guilt and humiliation as a wave of memories from Halloween crashed back onto him. The longing, the jealousy, the regret, the loneliness… all of the bottled-up emotions he’d kept buried in his chest for all these months had cracked open and spilled out all at once.

“What am I going to do, you guys? I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I have those thoughts, and– god, how could either of you forgive me for this?! I wish I didn’t exist. I wish I could just disappear. I wish I...”







♡coded by uxie♡
 







mary jones



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It felt like she was watching a forbidden television show where the best friends all confessed their deep dark secrets right before the scene would cut to black, and watchers were left to wonder what would happen in the next season. Of course, she wouldn’t have known anything about such television shows; especially as her parents forbid the Jones children to watch anything other than the VHS tapes in the living room. Even then, it was only for special occasions. It wasn’t like she and her sisters had been babysat by another elder’s wife who had fallen asleep while on the watch, and Mary happened to catch the soap opera show that was flickering upon the screen in front of the sleeping woman on the couch. She most defiantly didn’t sit there for an additional two hours watching those shows while Mrs Miller laid there snoring her head off.

Of course not. That would be ghastly inappropriate.

The nudge to her side by the much, much taller ginger-haired giant and his thick Gaelic tone was enough to snap her from her transfixed gaze. Brows raised, eyes wide, a deer caught in the headlights as she wondered if she had been caught for indulging too much in the scene before her. Her face captured almost an exact copy of Joshua’s trademarked appearance, standing awkwardly and processing each thought delicately. “Oh,” she paused, looking towards the group before turning back to Graham “Yeah, balcony” She finally agreed, nodding her head.

Feet gradually being dragged away from the scene started to make more haste once realising that the dog would be coming with them also. Unable to hold in the joy of the canine, a grin spread across Mary’s face as she followed them both outside and closed the door behind herself. After thanking the man for pulling a chair for her, Mary watched intensely as Graham began to coo at the dog. Her heart swelled with joy watching the interaction, especially as he picked up the dog and introduced the dog. Ciaran. The grin on Mary’s face only continued to grow with each passing minute. “Awww Ciaran… So cute…” she cooed before nodding to Graham’s question “Yeah. Mary Jones. I’m uh… Josh’s sister if you didn’t pick that up already” she trailed off, giving a small chuckle before bringing her attention once more to Ciaran.

And then her heart melted into a puddle as Graham raised Ciaran’s paw and waved it, saying ‘Hi Mary’ to her.

“Stoooop,” her face was alight with radiant joy, exploding into a charade of colourful rainbows. “That is too adorable!” But it didn’t last all too long as she noticed the demeanour change in Graham, who had shifted back into a more mature tone. Listening carefully to what he had to say, Mary nodded along to show that she was listening to everything he said. And then, as he began to talk about smoking and how it was terrible for your lungs and all the reasons why you should never smoke, Mary couldn’t help but press her lips together to hold in the giggling bubbles that were threatening to erupt from her mouth. “Aye, aye, captain.” she responded in a cheerful tone, her cheeks ablaze from trying to contain the giggling. “You’re the boss here. I swear, cross my heart - I’ll never do drugs and smoke, and I’ll stay in school.”

Graham’s quick change of direction in the conversation left Mary, once more, gazing at the man with such Josh-like responses. A quick eyebrow raise with widened eyes as she switched her mind from one conversation to another. “Yeah, in high school still,” she nodded, crossing her arms and leaning back into her chair, finding herself more comfortable with each moment that passed. “Honestly… School is just school. Just… Nothing new. Nothing different. We’re not allowed to do any extracurricular stuff, so we just do all the boring school stuff. But, you know what-” She lifted a finger, pointing it in the direction of the apartment wall as if they could see right through it and point directly at her brother “-This stuff he’s doing? This is, like… the most rebellious thing anyone in our family has ever done. I’m absolutely living for it. Honestly. Come Friday night, I wait until our parents have gone to bed so I can creep into his room and get the juicy gossip about everything happening with him and Abby.”

Oh, she silently thought to herself Josh and Abby.

Her hand dropped dramatically as she released a defeated sigh. “You seem to be… a man who… knows what men do… right?” Mary questioned the older male, crossing one leg over her knee as she also returned to crossing her arms. “Can you maybe… I don’t know… throw a brick of common sense into his head? I’ve told him so many times just to ask Abby out, and he’s always whinging.” And then Mary, in her true theatrical self, began to mimic her brother, but with an incredibly mopey voice. “Oh, what if she doesn’t like me? Oh, I don’t know what to say; I think she just wants to be friends. Oh, isn’t it a sin and wouldn’t Mum and Dad kick me out if they found out I was dating someone? Like… they kissed. I’m pretty sure she likes him, and she’ll say yes. Kissing is like… the seal of agreement when it comes to liking someone, isn’t it?”









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© weldherwings.
 







joshua jones



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trigger warning!
REAL jw content re: homosexuality (homophobia)​


Josh’s dark hazel eyes remained fixed on Max in a curious and even frightened manner as the boy spoke. He could feel his heart starting to come more alive, pulping with more aggression as he listened to the other boy’s explanations. Had Max not realised that he had lied to his parents to be here today? That Mary had also lied to cover for him? Did he not realise that every time he spoke to Max in school, sat with him, or laughed by his side, he was putting everything at risk with his family? Within their community, there had been children kicked out of their family households for far fewer things. Joshua swallowed thickly as Max continued to question what his family - or even the church - would think if they found out that they were hanging out. Or if they thought that they were… well, together.

He wanted to stamp his foot and tell Max that he was being foolish. He wanted to cry out to the boy I don’t care what they think. Most importantly, he didn’t want to lose a friend. Something he had always desired for and his soul yearned for since he was little. But voices played out like a poor record player in the back of his mind, scratching and itching his ears as they reminded him about how to be a proper young man. Don’t talk back. Listen when you’re being spoken to and only speak when given permission to do so. Don’t cry. Be respectful. So, while he attempted to stand so casually in his spot, Joshua couldn’t help but feel a rod form in the back of his spine, causing him to stand up straight once more. His eyes dropped from Max’s face as the boy began to recall that night at Bible study. For some bizarre reason, his shoes were rather intriguing to the eye. Joshua was trying to find some sort of distraction, hoping it would stop the crippling guilt from flooding his body.

But as he heard his name once again, he found the strength to change his gaze back up to Max. He listened carefully to each sentence, analysing and dissecting each part of it over and over again. He kept dreaming about holding his hand. He couldn’t get me out of his head. the voice in his head began to reply over and over again, causing his cheeks to redden. His heart rate only further escalating as he watched the physical effects of the emotional turmoil that Max was going through. You made him gay the nasty voice echoed in the back of his head. This is your fault. You made him like this because of your sins.. No, it couldn’t be true. It doesn’t work that way. He just said he kept thinking about me and how we held hands. It doesn’t mean anything

Then, Max mentioned how he saw him kissing Abby at the party; within a heartbeat, his face turned from soft pink pastels to a hue of scarlet. His eyes quickly darted from Max to catch Abby’s face, curious about what her expression would be like. After all, they had never spoken of it to his date. In all honesty, Joshua had just come to the assumption that perhaps the girl had been embarrassed about it. He never wanted to bring up any past scars or wounds that may have been created from the moment, so had decided just to sweep it under the rug. Despite the fact of how much the moment meant to him personally, he was willing to respectfully place her feelings before his own. Just as his eyes had been drawn to try and catch the expression on Abby’s face, they snapped back at Max, who had come to his newest confession.

“... Josh, I’m in love with you.”

At that moment, he felt the warmth of a large spotlight against his body, illuminating and isolating him in the room. He had spent his whole life sitting in the shadows, never making a noise nor attempting to bring any attention to him. He was just… Josh. Joshua Jones. The boy in class who was sort of just… there. Never known for anything spectacular and never excelled in many areas of his life. He didn’t fail classes, nor was he the top of his class. Even within his family, he was always pushed to the side and considered a second thought. Never in his life had there been more of a moment where he felt like he was standing out like a sore thumb. A deer caught in headlights. All eyes on him. And he didn’t know what to do with himself. How to react, how to explain, how to compile some sort of words. Anxiety began to form through his body, echoing the voices that he kept on pushing back as he stood there watching Max sob.

This is why you can’t have friends. Look how you ruined this boy’s life. Homosexuality is a sexual perversion, Joshua. Those type of people have no place in paradise with the Lord Don’t cry. Crying shows weakness. Men aren’t weak. We’re not… meant to live like this world… We are not of this world, so shouldn’t live like we do… So, to be friends with anyone that doesn’t believe or follow Jehovah’s laws… it’s… It’s not really what… we do… I suppose. Are you kidding me? You got caught in the rain? You trying to look like one of those homosexuals that parade down the pier catching diseases? Go to the bathroom and dry yourself off. Lord, Christ Almighty. If you cry, Mum and Dad are going to get really angry at you, and you won’t be allowed to play anymore

Glasses over eyes fought back the tears that were threatening to fall as the anxiety rattled his body, running through his mind like a feral four-year-old being released within an office with encouragements of searching through drawers, unorganised filing cabinets and spilling coffee all over the carpet. Overwhelmed, Joshua didn’t know what to do with himself. He had never been placed in a spotlight where any move he made would ultimately be judged. He could run away, hide, and never have to real with the consequences of what was happening right now. But that would be the cowardly thing to do. Max deserved better than that. Scrunching his nose, sniffing as he did so as he pushed back any tears that were struggling to creep up to his eyes to make a triumphant fall, Joshua slowly started to close the distance between the two boys. Once before Max, he knelt down on the floor and sat before him with his head slightly bowed. A wave of nostalgia ran through him, remembering how his mother taught him how to perform a keunjoel for their grandparents. But he highly doubted that Max would understand the gesture if Josh was to lean forward and place his hands and head upon the ground before them. That wouldn’t be a sign of respect to Max at all. It wouldn’t bring the boy the comfort that he was searching for at this moment.

But Joshua knew what would.

So, as he sat there on his knees, he silently raised his arms and wrapped them around the boy, pulling him into an embrace. Just like the hug they shared at the hospital, it was nothing romantic, but it was full of love. He wanted Max to feel the love that he had felt when the smaller boy wrapped his arms around him as they stood outside Graham’s hospital room. And like the hug from the hospital, which had been limb at first, Joshua’s grip tightened slowly, allowing the other to melt into him if he so desired to do so.







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Kenzie was only half listening to the doctor as they gave her the rundown of her injuries, her mind miles away as she imagined how difficult everything was going to be for the next few weeks until she had the use of both her arms again, the only good thing in her mind was that Kenzie had broken her writing arm meaning no school work or homework for at least the rest of the month and if done carefully enough she could probably get away with being unable to write until February.

Kenzie broke from her thoughts when she felt Alex's grip tighten on her hand, giving him a side glance to ensure he was ok, a soft smile present on her lips as she gently squeezed his hand, trying to show him that everything was ok, that she was fine and they would be leaving here perfectly fine and happy and that nothing had gone too wrong, hell if the doctor hurried up and finished talking, they could probably still crash the wedding and continue with their earlier plans.

As the Doctor finished speaking Kenzie gave them a small nod before turning to look at Alex with the intention to ask if he still wanted to go to the wedding but the sympathetic tone of the nurse shocked her and Kenzie's eyes widened slightly as she turned to face the approaching nurse. A tone like that was never a good sign in the hospital, it was normally a tone saved for life changing or heartbreaking news and Alex's hand tightening on her own only further confirmed her fears.

A piece of paper was handed to Kenzie and she hesitantly took it, her hand shaking as she quickly scanned the page, terrified of what it was going to say, was she dying..? was she like her mother?, however it was worse than she ever could have imagined "are you aware that you’re pregnant?" as the words fell from the nurses mouth, Kenzie's eyes had landed on the word "Pregnant" clearly printed in black and white on the page in front of her alongside her own name. Her breath caught in her throat as her blood turned to ice.

She couldn't be pregnant, no, this was wrong,it was a mistake, they had obviously mixed up the bloods... her eyes found the nurses face as she almost pleaded for the nurse to tell her this wasn't real, that she was wrong or it was all some kind of sick joke thought of while she was unconscious but the sympathetic look on the nurses face followed by the subtle shake of the head confirmed that she was telling the truth. Her eyes darted to her stomach and she felt the nausea beginning to grow again "Fuck...." a breathless sigh escaped her lips as she tried not to cry.

How long have you known?” Alex's question startled Kenzie as in the panic she had forgotten he was here beside her. The nurse announced that she would let the pair talk privately and would be back before exiting the room, leaving Kenzie and Alex alone. "I didn't" a tone of defeat present in her voice as she turned to look at Alex. Running her hand through her hair and down her face, Kenzie took a deep breath as she tried to make it all make sense.

This couldn't be happening, I'm still a baby, I'm barely able to mind myself, I can't have a child, I am so dead

"I don't even know whose it is" she finally said breaking the agonizing silence that had fallen as they both clearly were trying to process the news they had just received "I am so dead"





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NOVEMBER 11TH.

Dante’s smile was pleasant at dark eyed interest honing in on him. He decided to not focus on what that meant from him that he felt… pleased at Ren’s full undivided attention. Most likely at the tantalizing discussion of the rich and the affluent - he’d long since resigned himself to the fact that he’d accidentally picked up some kind of sugar baby - more so than him himself, but… well. His entire life was propped up on lies that his relationships were far more substantial than reality, what was one more?

“I know a good deal about many things.” Dante said, soft and offhanded like this information was just secondhand. The play of a rich boy to a thief, apparently what they had in common was an eye for quality in all that glittered and gleamed.

Eyes shifted to Ren at the question of their relationship. Someone feeling jealous? Or perhaps a bit insecure?

Well. Ditto.

“Why? You want to be a special exception?” Lips curled into a smile, sincerity in it questionable at best as he shrugged and watched Ren…

… spiral.

“Frisk me and find out-” Currently green forward eyes widened, lips curled back into a pristine and proper smile, the forcing of a small bit of humor. The retreat back into upper class personas and small talk.

But very quickly, Dante was sent reeling with another round of panic from his sugar baby.

“Maybe I like weddings.”

“Really now.”

“Kidding. I.. I’m here with my… friend.” Seemed normal. Dante was about to follow up with a question on whether his friend knew the bride or the groom when Ren continued. “Not a special friend.”

“Ren… Ren are you…” In a relationship. In a closed relationship. In a longterm relationship. Sharing houses with the long term relationship. Adopting a dog with the long term relationship. Married. Married with four kids in a house with a white picket fence and two dogs.

“Mymomishere-”

Embarrassing family then. He knew it too well. Emboldened by discovery, Dante seemed to return to some kind of normal friendliness in his countenance.

“-Oh well… Your mom is a special friend to you isn’t she-”

And then it continued.

Eyebrows raised. Stunned into silence. Watched Ren swipe some alcohol and then chug it down. Ever so slowly, as Dante sifted through the sand of information thrown at his feet until coherency managed to slide its way back in.

“... Melon cubes.” Perhaps not completely coherent.

“... Your mom wouldn’t be mad about you leaving?” Because his parents would be PISSED if he left suddenly with no warning. “Wouldn’t want you to get into trouble with your folks”

He didn’t even like melons.

“Here, y’know what, why don’t you return to them and later… you and I can get something to eat.” Dinner wasn’t suspicious, and with the high amounts of people around from the wedding, being dressed up wouldn’t look too out of the ordinary. It was the perfect time to go on a Not Date.























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